EP 409: Quiet Queers

Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say Decision Decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kirsty. You definitely say to welcome, welcome to the new podcast.

Oh wait, you want to say together Decisions Decisions. Thanks for listening to another episode of Decisions Decisions. I have a surprise for you, throwing a free event this Thursday, February twenty seventh, and guess what. It's free and everybody can join because it's virtual. From six pm Eastern to eight pm Eastern three pm Pacific Standard, there is going

I've been hosting these dinners.

For a while with her, and I'm telling you it is such an amazing experience to sit with black women and addressing risky sexual behaviors and the stigmas that contribute to the disproportion of HIV rates amongst black women.

Listen.

I know it's not that sexy to talk about stuff like this, but you will really enjoy this conversation.

It's so educational and it's girl time with me. Hello.

So get your ticket for free at Risky Dinnerconvo dot com and follow Risky on ig. At Risky Dinner Convo they'll be tagged on a page and then description of this episode.

See you this Thursday.

All right then alright? Then alright then alright then welcome to Decisions. This is all what I don't know.

Listen, rights, what action was that?

Listen? The thing is as long as you just roll your rs. It's an accent.

I feel like you wanted to read that at Italian French it was very much and eat tally.

Yeah, I don't.

I don't know.

I am not the best with accents. Okay, we need to get your global we need to what's crazy. I'm literally in Atlanta and I'm like, oh, y'all have accents down here. Oh I don't know what y'all are saying. Bitch, you do six months outro don't do that. I don't be on this podcast like we will be adding subtitles.

I ain't go oh yeah, I have it, it might have it.

I have noticed a little twang, a little twang, but no, y'all. Welcome to another episode, y'all. I'm Mandy Bee Easy and I know you're so happy that it's Jess Stats. I mean yeah, I mean, but we've also had some really good guests coming on. I mean we've actually like started decisions decisions out with a lot of our friends. Like we just was like, hey, oh, pull up a lot of people. We've worked with a lot of people that we know personally.

So I'm fucking with it.

So sorry Alex. By the way, if y'all are watching on YouTube, first seven minutes, bleep out our curse words, get over it.

Yeah yeah you're here.

Buck shit, damn you will hear pussy funck shit bit So, speaking of which, there was recently a guest that had Tourette's come into the studio and yea to hit me and was like, this is something I've never seen. They never watched this big lowmel jiglove maybe in person. I've never had movie so such a good movie. She basically said, the ticks were hold on, let me type in tics on my phone and tell you what these ticks were.

Sorry again for the bleeps, bitch dick.

Tippy tippy, that wiener tippy tapped, that rote history, my flabber has been gassed BBC.

That's a big black cock. And then she wrote at last, but.

Not least, bitch, asshole and the wait, these were ticks that just were burst burst it out.

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie that. Those are really cool ticks. She said she was on a podcast.

I don't know the name of it, but the person that hosts it as Amanda Hirsh tourette syndrome, and they never gave Tianna heads up, so she says she was a dust in the camera and the girls like sticking

If a man is.

Getting it right from behind, I'm trying now to make it nice and he.

Screams out Brian Go.

I don't know, like if I could have sex with someone who is yelling out bitch, ass hole and rotisseri, Jason Momoa got tourettes, hypothetical.

Letting her, I'm gonna turn the TV up. You right? You want that chicken pussy? No, no, no, no, I'm not gonna lie. I'm just gonna have the music playing a lot.

Okay, if Jason Momoa has tourettes and just bursts out, like burst out any of those weird things, okay, hurt you know. I don't know if anybody else does this, but sometimes when we're about to get drunk, I'd be like, you know, it's like if that was a word, would you love me? So we'd be doing shit like Okay, what if I couldn't do this? What if I couldn't do that? What if I hunch back?

Like we just to He's like, since we already locked in.

Yeah, but like if you were a worm, I just why are you asking a man if he would be into beat reality? I just want to know about that reality doing dumb shit. That's what you do when you love girl. I'm not the funk going on my head is fuck ump.

If I was a worm, would you be with me?

Andy?

Let me tell you something about being in love if you forgot how you was that kind?

No, I'm not gonna lie. I've never asked that.

Man.

If I was a worm, would you still a love man? I mean I'm exaggerating here, but okay, she was like, dumb ship? What was What was his reaction if I didn't ask him that? But I'm thinking like something like super silly, Like I'll just be looking with the googly eyes like okay, I didn't maybe right after I came if I, yeah, I just do a thing.

Okay, So I'll ask.

About an extra toe or an extra finger, or like because my mama white, I'd be like, what if I didn't have lips? What if I was like I sucked my mouth and his like would you kiss your four voffles like this?

But I do that I see that white ship.

That's sometimes you look at me and be like, I can't believe I'm gonna there's.

A white ship.

I have full lips, thankfully, But when I be at like looking at my mama, sometimes I'll be like, damn, MoMA, you ain't got no lips.

We're in an arrow where you could do it a little look at it her hand.

Now, I'm not giving my mom no filler in the lips. I'm not giving her a filler. No, I think uh. I would help my mom though, Like she had the gastric sleeve. So I'm like, if if insurance doesn't cover, you're and it's not a mommy makeover. But she's older, so she has the loose skin. I'm like, girl, we gonna snip and touch. That's way worse than that is way worse.

Than a lip. No, it's not.

At least that's just a filler.

No, no, no filler be looking awful in can migrate up under your nose, cutting extra skin, which is a health concern.

It's not worse than film because you know why I say that, Yeah, you know what I mean.

Are you still putting down under it? Right? They put you down here?

Yeah?

To me, it's not like I'm not saying like not to get lips like, but to me, I'd rather help my mom cut some extra skin off then lip filling. I think there's a point where you know, when you see someone you're like, oh, that's too much. Imagine them before. That's what you gotta know. They built up to that. What was Kylie like? Just two shots?

You know what I mean?

Yes, she worked once she got to the point where you and then she lied to y'all and said it's the lip kit, and y'all bought it. It was sold out. I'm not gonna lie, I was them o bit. Y'all love a little lip kit?

You is it?

Y'all can talk about Kylie all y'all want, with all the things baby, her little uh Kylie.

Clothing line and the lip kit. I'm here. She has put out some good quality shit. I'm gonna tell you.

I love a little you know when you put on a little cool unjail and if you make your shit, but then you oh no, I'm not gonna hold you the little lip gloss with the little plumper. Ladies, do not kiss a man or suck a man with the plumper on your lip.

We don't even do hordrds anymore.

But that's my tip to y'all. I done did it on accident, and it was like there's a little tingly happening. I said, oh shit, it's my plumper. The plumper transfers, y'all wait, and it can how fresh, but almost immediately like when I'm with someone, I just I constantly am putting on claws.

And then and then all of the things.

Y'all, wait, but how again, what's the time between the plumper and oh, it tingles.

For a while, like I have this one. I don't think it's tart. I forgot the brand.

I'll bring it. That thing be tingling for about fifteen minutes. Oh my god, this is so random.

But I just have to tell y'all about this last night and eleven I'm sorry, my add just hit me last night at eleven thirty at night. Okay, there's a knock on my door, me and my nigga in a bed. I thought about it because the girl got big lips when I see her. So I get a knock on my door, and I'm like, what the fuck? And I'm like nervous, like what, And I've left my key in the door before, so I was like, oh my god, please don't tell me that's and it is happening in front.

Oh my god, sorry, we're just gonna leave it. No know on your door. You don't have to open the door. I'm going sorry.

It's two girls, one white, one Indian girl. He opened the door and they're like.

Sorry, we just have a letter for you, and yo, you read it. You don't read it?

Oh yeah, sorry, They like were giggling. It's almost midnight. It's a Monday night. I'm fucking living. Oh I was, let me tell you know.

I was.

I was like when she said we're your neighbors, I'm like, and what do you want? Like he was trying to be nice. I was pissed grave read this letter.

You know. We had to get up early.

Hi, these are your neighbors, Apartment five and apartment six. Basically, we're all on this one floor and it's a larger floor. We're considering throwing a party, and we thought it would be fun if we all open up our apartments.

Weird when they're young, right.

They're young. It's downtown. Let us know what you think, or you can just totally ignore.

This if you want.

Nikka, let me tell you signing when I tell you almost went and thought on TikTok, oh, I almost knocked on five and six. They did that on TikTok. They're like, that's like it's a trend. Wait, it's real time TikTok. No, there's a TikTok where everyone goes to everyone's different apartments and in each apartment there's either a theme or drinks, and you literally are partying through everyone's apartments.

I literally saw that on TikTok. Hey, let me tell you something. This isn't a fucking wait. He said, I'm a millennial. I'm not here for it. Nigga, are you out to here? White mind?

Literally, and I'm going off, and I know he's annoyed too, but now he's trying to call me. I'm about to go over there, so I get my phone out because they left their phone numbers, and he's like, no, no, no, there's children show. I'm like, yo, do you know how disrespectful it is to knock on someone's door almost at midnight on a fucking Monday?

Like?

You really got me fucked up? Number two? What really got me? Tight? Bitch?

You only trying to do this with me so that I'm not gonna complain about how loud it is. And ever since that one hole movement Santa con My building was flooded. What the fuck do you think this is a goddamn frat house.

Oh yeah, they do.

People literally will hear Nina at the door when they walk by and just start barking back, and I'll be opening a motherfucking door out, bitch, what the fuck is you doing?

Now? I know I live in a downtown Manhattan crazy.

Area literally by bars an mean that I need to now take on this energy. First of all, I am a phony. I have a boyfriend. Now, bitch, I'm still a party girl. But I just really can't believe these neighbors wanted to do this.

With me, Like, are you crazy? We're gonna just.

Sound like millennials right now because everyone's asking me about a house warming, and I said, so that people know where I live. No, no, no, no, no no, I don't want anyone coming over my house.

Y'all.

Don't think this is that's crazy to knock on somebody. But you used to throw parties at your house.

I still do.

It doesn't mean I want to, but you yeah, but that's fair.

Do you go to your neighbors and are you considered it about how loud it will be?

Like you warn the bottle of the line before.

You know what I mean that.

Giggles do you see that.

Okay, let me just say this. She's like, I do it the matour way I do for congestion.

Let's start with that.

If I have a game night in my house and the music and the sh it, ain't that crazy. I knock on the door. I'm not asking for permission. I say, hey, I'm gonna have some friends over on Friday. I just wanted to bring this by. You know, it's not true.

Is this barefoot? We're gonna be loud, this.

Barefoot little Chateau Diana.

But I mean no.

And I started to think to myself, and I'm like, oh, it's perfect.

It'sion decisions.

What rules do you have as a neighbor? First of all, she said, you can ignore this. I feel like the nice thing to do was write them and respectfully decline and be like, hey, but if you never need anything, here's my number. I really don't want to do that at all. I don't know why I have to be neighborly. I'm a renter. You're gonna be out of here, and so am I. Oh, I'm not gonna lie like I remember when I lived in Miami. I lived downtown Miami. Off this game and I'll never forget. Our neighbor from

Can we put what's the asterisk? At considerable hours?

Yeah, I'm gonna say that I would be considered.

Music at five am?

No or for it? Okay, no, no, I's there's considered that.

I believe hours if you're walking around, but if I'm walking around.

Bro. No, I understand music, I understand loud.

I think if anyone under me, because of structurally how the building is, there's something underneath me, which is great, right, And I'm not even on the bottom floor, but there are people above me, most recently a guy that likes to do yoga, an and some kind of workout. But I say yoga because I just hear it thump sometimes. Then I hear one foot. It's not like dumbbells. So I let it go because it doesn't last long.

And I feel like we live in New York. These departments are small. Yeah, what am I like? Whatever? But do it one day?

That motherfucker did it late night, and the next day when I saw him, I say, hey, can sleep last night.

See to me, noisles noisless one time.

Oh oh no, he's like doing a full on workout on there. It's like a mad thing he's doing on the ground. So I'll make a comment just so you're aware.

That's it. That's all I could do. I think they did make a comment. It's so you're aware.

Yeah, I don't know, and it didn't change anything. Bitch, I pay I'm wearing heels at my house I also remember too, like sound noise complaints. Sorry, bro, come on, like get ear plugs, get it together. Like people are living how they live. I will say the only thing that I have understood. I had a no roommate when I lived in the Bronx who was a smoker. Smoked all day, every day, and the apartment above us was Section eight. Well, if Sectionnate comes and smells weed, you

Wait wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on.

So she's said out because she's like, I'm gonna smoke in my room. I'm gonna smoke in my house. I pay rent, I wake up, I roll a blunt, I smoke. So she moved out and moved to a place that didn't mind her smoking. And I respected that.

I thought you were saying, move out. I have the neighbor.

Oh okay, okay, no, she moved out. She said, Hu, no worries, I am going to smoke in my home and.

She moved out.

Oh yeah, I think that's really honorable. Yeah, because if you tell me, I gotta go beach. I mean, but again, when you're dealing with Section eight or newborn babies like my loft. Now, like my neighbor smokes cigars. The people before me had a baby and literally said, hey.

We can't. I mean, when you're sharing vents with people like smoke. I understand. I understand smoke too.

My partner is a He owns properties and one of them he recently like saw and basically I guess she hunh. She opened the door and he's like, yo, I couldn't even see the floor.

It was just filthy.

Affording kids, he was like, and not just regular, I have kids, messy And he's like, all of it, you can it's gonna take over the walls. Yeah yeah, And I literally was like, how do you know if someone has bad cleaning habits or even smoking or anything. A lot of people are investing nowadays. We get in to that age where we want to get an investment property.

What do you do.

We just watched fucking five year oh four and smoking in and a motherfucker's crib.

It's so crazy, that's what. That's what even I saw.

It was either a tweet or or maybe it was a TikTok, but it was saying that ladies, you shouldn't even open your legs for a man until you see how he lives. Oh a to see if he clean or not, but also be to make sure he don't.

Live with his wife. You should, you should.

You should go and be able to see the inside of his home, and you should know the color of his shower curtain. Bro.

And you know what's crazy, You don't really.

Have a right to own enter a tenant's property. But also at the same time, you want to make sure your ship is being upheld. I'm like, so what do

Oh, I'm not gonna lie.

I I grew up as a Section eight tenant like my mom and us. We were a section we were we were on section they growing up and we took very good care of the house.

What do you wish that they had done instead?

Slid it under the door? Not a knock in the middle of the night. I think that's a sliding under the door. Eleven thirty on a Monday.

Bro.

I understand the age of the world right now, but I just think there needs to be some decorum and these kids, I really feel like they distract these kids.

We is aging the help. OHI decisions.

They turned to open my door to are you insant? Look and ruined.

She's like, ooh, y'all a guy, Oh you want some sound proof of tea sound ordinance tea. Y'all.

I opened a gym. I'm gonna tell you all about it. It's called trap House. If you haven't seen it on my ig yet, it's in.

The Lower East Side. We have a neighbor. Oh, it just came from the Flora ba oh boy.

And my partner was upstairs with them, introducing themselves and he said, it was pretty loud yesterday.

What was going on?

And you guys, I're wing a party And she was like, now, we were doing our workout normally, he would commercial though, don't you have to like, aren't you aware of who you're who else is in the building before you joined the building? Well, that person said, she said, did you not know where a gym? He said, I knew you were a pilate studio. Oh, didn't know that you were gonna be playing rap bitch it is trup And.

So she's like, well, what level of noise would be comfortable for you? He said, A pin drop girl. She came downstairs, said, well, we're gonna kicked out. I said, no, that hell we a. I signed my lease first.

Nobody else was in the building and they were very aware what this would be. I'm following the decibels of what's allowed the apartments. On the side, so it's New York, right, you have some commercial then on the side, I turned it off at a certain time.

I've sound throof the windows, like sound is going to travel.

Up and if you think I'm not gonna have a sub with it when I want to hear sexy right on the reformer you got me.

But no, So now we just waiting. Girl.

He's a white gay man, and whereas gay men steal my heart, I have a feeling one day he's just gonna be like I've had it. I am terrified. Luckily, our schedule is like seven, eight, nine thirty. He comes in around eleven. We do have a twelve class for the rest is late night five six seven.

I'm like, all right, maybe you'll hear one. But I think what makes it worse.

Because when I thought about it, I was like, Okay, if I knew there was a plate studio as well, I'd be like, oh you wouldn't You didn't see the name of trop house.

Oh I mean he can so dog it. I'm a little I'm a little scared of business. If you don't want me asking.

Very designer showroom. Oh oh jo, I know he probably has elevator music playing.

Right, And I woke.

My Buddha hole brown about to be all a daddy baby. Oh wait no.

The song is a laugh in the hallway and I felt so bad because it's a big bangs with fin being.

I'm like, hey, are you mean?

I was like, oh shit, I mean, it wasn't cursing, but it's just so loud.

You're just yelling Fiene.

It's soliciting drugs. Yeahllo is it. That's what athene is, bro, I know that's what a fene is. I thought it was just like we're feene in for the party.

You're feeding for for the party. Sure, for the party. But anyway, it's super fun. Come. I made a code for hohre Hive.

It's ten bucks off and it's half pilates inspired moves and half lifting and it's been.

Really really dope. David Edden got to come through and you did. Now you got to come You didn't do it.

You didn't do so I felt like I was doing it.

I've never done plates though with machines. I do pilates with my body, so I don't know about it.

I don't. Yeah, the machines be scared me. That's what I seeing the athletes show. A lot of people are scared.

We do like we started an intro class because I really a lot of girls coming in like I'm kind of nervous or I'm.

Scared and you don't want to be the worst thing.

For me is when I go to a hard workout and everybody's better than me or making me feel like I'm not keeping up.

So I understand that too.

Like pilates, bar yoga, like I realize my uh my intimidation. I'm intimidated by machines. So I've really enjoyed working out with just moving that my must interesting.

Yeah, I don't like. I don't like machines.

I think even when I go into gym's, like I had a gym in my last building and I was just like learning really the usage of them. I prefer like using just my body weight. So like seeing my love over the years grow for for bar class and yoga and hot yoga and pilates, it's always been just a mat and with pilates too, so I can't call it pilates and I can't call it Lagree, but it is the closest to Lagree. The fitness director is Lagree certified, but there is like a monopoly on using the name.

Also, girls bringing their boyfriends.

Girls, you got to hold own it, damn baby, bring us on fineess, Niggas's not.

You looking at the girl's boyfriend. Sorry, Oh no, you are the owner. Can you be respectful to your relationships?

Damn?

Speaking of which, I have realized that the culture of WTF media and owning this business is drastically different.

From starting a new one.

And you know, everybody has a language. Mandy and I talk a certain way in the group chat with you. I talk a certain way in the group chat with Jeff and Alex and Clara whoever.

This new business, I have to really wastch my mouth.

Literally, someone came in and I was like, damn, her ass looks so good, and they all looked at me like yeah, no one else, but you can't talk like that.

I was like, hr guard, Oh yeah, Guard, it's already a sexual energy.

It's sweaty in there, and it's like beautiful people, so just you know, it's crazy. I have the opposite thought, like going to the gym is never sexual energy, Like I don't know, I guess I guess that goes to like the no, you're a horny but I get it. But I don't think this gym is not does not bring about sexual energy.

What really the sweat the heat that surprised.

I understand a group fitness class because mainly being around a bunch of girls doing like so we're also by so no, like I'm in yoga and asses in the air, I eat pussy lick as you would think it.

I don't go to like when I'm in the gym, you don't feel sexy either. I'm bitch, I'm hurting I'm stretching, I'm hurting seriously.

No, I don't, no, I don't.

I go with my little cut up. That's why I got. I go to sweat, but I don't go to look good. I go to like my body. I go to feel good. I don't go to like look good. I don't do my makeup.

I'll put on a baseball No, no, no, no, I'm not talking about girls that go to look good. I've never put on makeup for the gym. I'm talking about going to field. I go to feel good, but I'm not going to feel good in my pussy. I'm going to feel good everywhere else.

Yeah, I ain't gonnallow to you.

I do feel like a especially with lower body workouts, like it literally brings it builds testosterone for men. You just start doing squats and ship like it's it definitely gets the blood flowing.

I felt sexy. Will you when you squat? Does you get hard at it?

Not hard?

You said it builds the bud and blood like there's blood flowing, right, So is it flowing like when you squat or even day when you do anything lower body?

Is your is your dick getting hard?

Maybe like a half chob like not a half chobe. Okay, can we get to hypotheticals. Half chobe is crap job, it's.

Crazy, like you just asked me my dick hard.

Sorry, clearly, don't feel like I can't say anything, but I'll be getting horny and I'm gonna lie to you on the machine. Like there's this one move like it's almost like a cat cow. It's in tabletop position when you're.

Doing it, do like cat coo oh.

I really was like I'd be feeling in my lower I love a cat I'll be tooting it up. Or if I do rows where one arm is on the bench and I'm just rowing the other, I'm finna toot glass.

Do you stir yourself in the mirror? Duh?

Hello? Have you like?

I'm sorry ego to start anyway? Hypothetical Okay, if you could make one universal law in the realm of sex, what would it be?

Can you start with this? Okay?

So for me, the law I would make is like, if you fake an orgasm, you got a jail for six months. And the reason I say that is because the faking of the orgasm, which I have done before, has promoted so much lack of interest in what someone wants because you're already getting the instant gratification. So we're not learning what we're doing wrong. And even if it's not that you're doing anything wrong, I think it's you know, not learning it to please someone else.

So now we just is it good?

Yeah, instead of saying how can I get you off?

What do you like? Do you like harder? More pressure? Like we just don't ask? I agree, I agree.

I mean a universal law for me would be it doesn't count if you don't come, And I think it would limit the conversation.

What do you mean it doesn't count if I didn't come.

I've only fucked five niggas, it didn't count if I didn't come. That would be the law I would create, because there's there's no way in hell, like even if I had to sign a little waiver like yes, I came, so then you could you could acknowledge me as a body, You could tell people we had sex.

However, if I did not come, it didn't happen. Did you really blow my back out?

I don't recall it didn't happen. That would be my universal law. So then has it been the same for you? No, It's like have you fucked anybody?

Let's say you.

Fucked fifty women, and if you didn't make any of them come, you don't vote to you're a virgin.

That's crazy.

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie to this fucking No I would.

I mean I think that that's because there's guys that be acting like they did a whole lot of something and it was a whole lot of nothing. And now I want my pussy muscles back and guess what, I'm going to take them back because you didn't even make them contract. Hello, now I feel like a rapper. What would your law be for sex? Do you have a sex law that you would if your DL you gotta, that would be your sex laws? Do you have to give ahead before penetration?

Yeah, it doesn't happen to be before, but like head has to happen, one head has to.

Happen on one of the other.

Yes, I like that.

I'm not mad at that. I think that's actually a really good lie.

I mean, I'm not gonna lie. You're kind of childish. If there's no oral are you, you're childish? If if you are having sex as a grown as adult, I'm gonna say eight nineteen and no, cause by eighteen you may still be there. I don't think anyone who is mature is having any sex without having or so. My drug dealer is like, well, he's a new one, but he's like a superhod nigga, and to be honest with you, the type of drugs that like ain't super hood, so something about it.

It's just kind of fun when he comes through. So we talking or whatever.

He's like, yo, I found out a horrible decisions. I didn't even know I've been serving him, like I ain't know who he was.

Were talking. He was like, you know, it's crazy.

A lot of girls be trying to cut me off because I don't really kiss or eat pussy unless I'm super in love.

And I literally was like, then what do you do?

Put his dick in you finger then and spit Yeah, I was, so I'm like I can almost see I can understand the kissing and like like.

Titty, like what I mean?

I use anyway, I'm never buying mushrooms from him again. I mean I used to have sex and not kiss I get kissing being an intimate. It's so crazy because I think, you know, kissing is more.

Intimate or kissing the head.

Yeah, No, kissing is way more intimate than giving head. I agree, it is, like I said, like, I agree with you. I think oral is a part of sex.

Or oral should be a part of sex.

It should be one or the other. Is giving head.

Yeah, someone has to give a head, even if we're not sixty nine yet out someone has to give head. Like one of my homegirls just opened up her relationship and she was asking me about my rules and how they are the boundaries and what we're both allowed to do. And one of the things she said to me was do you letting me other pussy always? Because men will say they don't want you to suck other dick, right, So she was like you do you let them get other pussy? And I was like, well, it's not a

It's not a frequent, no monogamy thing. We don't. He doesn't have many other partners, right. I was like, I didn't even.

Think to police that, and she was like, that's insane to me because that's so intimate. I'm like, bro, my boyfriend is allowed to have sex with other women. We have sex with other women together. Now you're telling me that's so intimate.

Oh, I'm not gonna lie. There was an argument with my ex.

I didn't mind him having sex with other women, But you went to a bar with a bitch, like I thought it was intimate. So you spend outside time out of the bedroom with a woman like.

For what, why do you have to talk to her?

Aren't you just supposed to be having sex now, So like, to me, intimacy is giving someone your time. On the on the other front, what's interesting is I agree. So whereas it didn't bother me before, at this juncture of my life, I don't really want that, Like I don't want.

A woman feeling like you.

Are, oh like hurt your time as oh like a birthday or something like that, like, yeah, did a bad day at work And I think that's too deep. So basically he was like, yo, I'm not like going out meeting bitches that are like birds, like these girls are decent people. I can't just be like, let me pull up. You have a decent woman like to just get fucked and left too, So he wrote, what about our thing was if I ever meet a new person that I sleep with, can I at least go to a bar

I was like, fine, the first time is it?

And I my home always were laughing about it because they were like, what if you're gonna kill the first night? I'm like, that's his problem that nigga got a motherfucking ninety out of one hundred a record. Fuck it, like, you better work that night. But to be fair, uh, something that is very important to me. And again in decisions decisions, we're talking about non monogamy. So I love and appreciate that any one he could meet while out knows he has a girlfriend. I think that's something that

I don't know.

We haven't had this conversation a while. He ain't missed a new bitches in a minute. But when we did have the convo, that was something I pressed on in the beginning, like, are you sure you're saying it?

Are you sure?

Like, please make sure because I never want to be in a position where you're a liar to someone else.

Yeah. I think that's my problem now.

I know.

I am.

Engaging in a lot of heavy conversation and potential relationship planning with the three guys that I'm talking to, and all of them are monogamous, and I'm like just hoping through conversation I could change their mind. But about monogamous having sex together? Are they okay with that?

That's my problem. I like all three of them, so I don't want to day. Did you guys play? Yeah, you can't see that.

I never wanted more than one maybe in a Jersey Oh game night, super Bowl, none of none of them, none of them live in the same city. So I think, you know, if it's you know, you know, long long distance relationship type ship, like we can find ways to enjoy each other long distance man.

Okay, I don't know.

I saw this clip, and while it's a lot to think about, I just found the opinion to be so interesting and I thought it'd be good to share on Horrible because we're both kind of gay.

Yes, So what's your take?

I take us up.

A lot of queer people lead hetereral lives.

A lot of queer people lead hetero lives.

Not unpacking their homophones, secret homos if you will, can I say secret homos?

Oh?

No, quiet queers, These quiet queers living straight lives exactly wearing khaki pants and talk it didn't blue T shirts saying I'm gay but you're not well.

Also because they refuse to distigmatize, declonize their brain. It's like people can be fair and identity but still remain culturally straight. What is culturally straight refusing to dig any deeper because that like ownership of the label queer, it's assumed that it like absolves you from kind of just doing any further work. And there's this constant process of re education that's necessary to kind of due.

Diligence, like once you realize you are queer.

Well, I'm looking at gentrifier bisexuals, specifically gentrifier bisexuals.

What are those.

Gentrifiers who are bisexuals not digging deeper into their internalized homophobia gentrifier.

Bisexuals are homophobic? Yes, this is fascinating.

Yeah, okay, yeah, Well why do gay people always come for the buys death number one? They do give it a break, bitch, They don't allow us to be a part of the community like that.

Now, where I will give this.

Person some credit, I will say, watching her talk, I don't know if she's non binary.

I feel like the way that she's using language, it could be it's giving non binary. Yeah.

However, where I will give them credit is something specifically about culturally straight. Of first, I didn't understand it, and I was like, Oh, you could come out of the closet and still be a fucking bigot. You could be a racist, you could be pro is you know what I mean, Like, there could be a lot of things about you. Just because you're queer or gay don't necessarily

New York allows that.

I think the South and other parts of the country, you can sexuality is still something that is kept behind closed doors. And so I don't think that just because you're you're a man who sucks stick or a woman who eats pussy, that you.

Have to be this openly outward gay.

Existing being for society, HI think, And I think that that's why she was saying culturally straight. I don't think people need to be like us that wear their labels on their shirt. I think you can go to work and everyone doesn't need to know you're gay just because you're gay. So and I think that that's why there's a lot of privilege sometimes in people that live out loud,

I'm a woman I'm young, whatever.

Not every black person has this experience, right, And so yes, it's a privilege to be able to be loud in that. I use that as an example because this person is out and well received by whoever or has our community, and not everybody's like that. So I think sometimes demonizing someone for not being gay enough sucks. But the only thing I did kind of ride with is like watching

Then, So it's just the gaze, not the GE's not the q's not the t's. Everybody else is confusing me. Not that non binaries.

I don't like that, but this is all an umbrella for us in being fluid in your sexuality. Most trans people, I understand its gender not sexuality, but for most trans people it is.

And so it is a disappointment to then think that.

Like you could be gay and also not necessarily be

Did you watch the Jerry Springer doc on Netflix?

Yet it's not that unfortunately as background noise, but yes it was on, so it's not that good. But there was something very interesting. They talked about where people were from. And I thought they were gonna expose Jerry Springership for being fake, right, And they're like, yo, we one girl got fired for something being fake, right, and she goes, I should have known it wasn't real because he was from Boston and none of this shit is happening in Boston.

So I think we do forget that a lot.

And you hate her, but those people we need to have grace for in accepting themselves their sexuality. And oh no, I just think a lot of them are more ignorant than most, but it's because they haven't been exposed to more. I think they just live in their ignorance. So I don't know if I've talked about this on Horrible, but I feel like I have. Maybe it's been a while, but I was dating a man whose brother was gay and he blamed me for exposing that.

I ever tell you about that, Yeah, I think you should there.

So basically, the gist of it was, he had a brother come from a South American country, its Venezuela, and when he got here, he goes, Gila, baby, we need to put him on the dating apps. I'm like, yeah, I met his brother for five minutes and I'm like, I know a dating app, feel like, And I introduced his brother to Grinder. His brother ended up getting engaged to a wonderful man. They are still married to this day, by the way. And I want to say this was when I was twenty two.

This happened. I say this to.

Say, I remember when his brother came out and said I have a boyfriend, and he was like that you made him gay. But this was your same partner that left you for Jesus, right, Yes, but That's what I'm saying. So the homophobia within the church.

Oh no, No, No, not him. I wanted to just say.

His brother was in his twenties at the time, never had heard of grinder is leaving Venezuela, and it's like, you don't really, you're not. You need somebody like me being that doc connector to that world. How else was he going to get that he's living with his brother, he doesn't have friends, he's not going out.

Maybe you're closeted. Maybe, And I don't know if he was closeted or not. I just don't know he was.

He probably had internal homophobia like my friend's growing up, which is why I don't like my Latina friends saying the N word. I was friend my best friends growing up. One was Colombian, one was Mexican, and never forget, both of their parents blamed me as to why their daughters like black men.

Not that we went to majority black schools.

No, it's because they were friends with me, and so knowing that they were, Yeah, and so the fact that your parents are blaming me as to why you like black men is crazy. But I knew that that was their internalized racism towards black people. Your partner, maybe not ever expressing it, was internally homophobic, and I think.

No, no, no, he was no.

Yeah, So that to highlight the thing about like how the Midwest doesn't really have community. I was because they that guy like your brother just came to a new country where we can be open, where we can be open. Oh the same my cousin left Jamaica because he was gay and there was not safety for him at Jamaica. Just a didn't think about or even Dave dn't think about the way you go on a date and you kiss someone in a restaurant Palm Street.

Gay men fucking look over their shoulders. But are you are you ready?

It's the same thing we're dealing with now, which is why parents and everyone they're blaming television, they're blaming drag queens, they're blaming everything. But the scientific fact that as people, psychologically, environmentally, we have these attractions to people, not because gayiteness was thrown into our face, but because of who we naturally are. You just said the drag queens. And so this weekend,

I make That's why he said it. Yeah, it don't nobody want Avocadoso's girl cooking out. My daughter saw the type of city.

But basically we're sitting down at the table and his dad loves politics and thank god, same vibe on politics. Right, I'm talking about how Trump is terrible and whatever and how the campaign was run for fear. And I started to say something, and I know my man was gonna be like, bitch, you gotta shut to Liberata. Well, I said, you know what's crazier about Trump is the trans ads.

In the dress?

Like, is so crazy to me that one percent of the population made a lot of people. They say trans people are one point three right now, and it we're blessed to know about.

You know what I mean wearing the right jig fires, which yeah, I was.

Like, how crazy is it that all these people are voting read just because they're scared of this? Meanwhile, they aren't scared of the guns in their kids' schools, but the advertisement saying be very scared of a man going in your kids bathroom, be scared of the fucking ak's. Yeah, and so I'm starting to go in. I know you're looking at me like, oh my god.

It's funny.

That's why, Like I like, really it's funny because I

Oh okay, okay okay.

And so like having this real like liberal conversation about also the way in which politics are in Europe compared to what they are here and that we aligned. It was like he was like, I don't know if you have time for this, And I was like oh no, of course, and we had a whole conversation about politics. I'm like, that's her way, I realized, Like and it's funny because his dad was saying, like, you know how you make a man's parents fall in love with you?

And I was like, oh no, it's really I know. Then he has politics. Then he switches the phone to his mom and is like, oh my god, you have her dream apartment. Give her a tour.

And so I'm touring my new loft and showing it to her, and she's telling me her dream was to live in New York in this thing. And It's like, not, you haven't me born with your parents right now?

Like, well, well, we.

Haven't even we don't know what this relationship is. This is thing how our people should do FaceTime meet up to parents. Yeah, is great, because it's not it was great, too much pressure.

No, it's fun.

Like I didn't been facetiming him for hours and his sister is a part of the conversation. So I haven't met the sister, the mom, the dad, I think that's very special.

And we haven't even had sex yet. Well crazy, speaking of sex, what comes after romance before we're romantically involved at the moment. So no, you're absolutely are.

We're going to talk a little bit before we get out of here about the history of romance. So and we gonna stop treating this segment like home mail. We got to get here sooner, bitch, we're supposed to be educating.

He said he was cooking, bitch. Okay, so yeah, come step one.

Apes evolved the ability to become Here we go, We'm ely attached to it. We're doing evolution this, we said the history hope, oh lod attachment would eventually be known as love. It literally started from apes growing the ability to love, and through evolution kind of just turned into humans evolving. So the ability to become attached to someone is then loving each other because it helps you survive.

The attachment is how they're describing it.

Right, So they're saying they normally only notice that attachment right when there's offspring, so I don't know. They're saying being around each other spending time, Okay, that then becomes a bond.

So the third thing, third step. As humans, we instinctively.

Develop loyalty and affection for those who show us most loyalty and affection. And that's all love really is. It is an irrational degree of loyalty and in fact into another person. You agree with that to the point that we'd let ourselves harm or even die for that person seems insane, but it's symbiotic with what happens with humans. Conversations with humans that say I would do anything for you,

You would take a charge for someone you love, like when I hear people look at it space no, oh my god.

And also, for example, let's make it small. Okay, what's small? Would you put a car in someone's name? Would you put you're different? You put your name on something that you know could cause you debt or go into something bad because you love.

Some rich like that's literally sharing things like oh I got to that point a lot. That's marriage. To me, I've put no before marriage in words, you love someone before that.

Two apartments baby and five at the same time to a mount my mama, and two brings a man that you were dating. We're not talking because you can love someone before marriage. Marriage is a whole nother that's my point.

But friends that I point you, you would co sign something for a partner.

I'm not a serious partner, yeah, okay, And I only say that because I've done it for a friend.

God, so crazy, so fortunate that me and is nigga a hunt.

It's so crazy because what I would do for friends is normally I mean, and I've talked about my my hierarchy of how I show up for people.

It's friends family then than men.

And the way I show it for friends is still quite different than what I right now think logically I could do and show it for a partner.

I mean, but it's only because latonic love comes in. And so here's the platonic love is.

The ancient Greek philosopher Plato argued that the highest form of love is actually non sexual yep. It is a non romantic or an attachment form to another person known as brotherly love, and reason that since passion and romance often make us do things we regret, the passionless love between two family members are close friend friends is a

About to read De Nikogat books and stuff.

Oh well, look at the word question, I said, poor decision making from romantic love. The ancients were so skeptical of romantic love's utility, what is it useful for? So much so that many cultures treated it as an unfortunate disease that we'd have to get over in our lives. In fact, classic stories like uh Romeo and Juliet there weren't celebrations of love.

There were warnings against negatives. It was bad love.

For most of human history, people didn't marry because of their feelings one of each other. And it didn't stop with the Disney channel. This bitch gave up her voice for a niggah like, what else happened? What else happened in the Disney The voice was bro giving up your whole singlevoid. So for most of human history, for the majority, their sustenance and survival hung on by a thread. People didn't have very much of a large life expectance. Everything

No, that's not true. Maybe love with friendships again, brotherly love and community. I always talk about the.

Type in one hundred on Netflix, the Centurion documentary People Living to one hundred.

Oh yeah, there's the women say that they all they had gotten old, no matter where they didn't. They weren't in relationships. No, no, no, they last longer because of community.

Oh community, yes, yes, yes, some of them I have husbands or what or they died or what I saw it, but like the community was the consistency and the walking everybody else some most some people gardened, a lot of people gardened.

But the thing about community, I was like, damn.

And what's sad is you know when people fall in love, what do they tend to do give up on their community. It's so crazy too, because that conversation is constantly had to when when people question why I don't want children. And it's funny because one of the number one things that if it's not legacy, it's well, who's going to

Because their kids were too busy to look after them.

And it's and what's also crazy is there is a stat that men in nursing homes are more lonely than women because they don't have the friendships that women curate over their lifetimes. Women have a lot more friends. And I know we talk about like the girls that don't know how to have homegirls. There's way more community amongst women, and I think we've been able to see that even with the whore Hive than men have in terms of how they create bonds and friendships platonics.

It's so crazy. Think about nursing homes.

I remember, and literally you know, when someone does end up there, it's mainly if you have family to rely on, because they can't they hell and help.

Yeah.

So I was seeing my grandma once and my mom was probably going three times a week and like making meals and stuff because you know, nursing home food sucks. And I was flying down to Orlando just to you know, keep in touch. There was a woman I saw on the other side. There was an Asian lady next to her, and I was like, oh my god, you must be her daughter.

I've never met you. No no, noa. And so she's smiling this is true story, doesn't reply to me. I'm leaving.

She's like, I'm not her family, but we are part of an outreach thing for people that don't get visitors.

Oh wow. And she was also Chinese, not just Asian. China did the lady was Chinese, and she was Chinese.

She's like, yeah, you know, I'll just speak in Mandarin and we'll talk and we'll or Sorry, the woman didn't talk.

But she was like, it's just memories.

Conversation can keep people alive long. You can just whole ladies literally, And so she said she gets paid to do this. Sometimes I'll just come if people can't get to their family, if they don't live in the same country city. She's like, there's some people that visited four times a week. But she said this was pro bono. She does it as volunteer work, and the nursing home will say, hey, these people need someone to connect with, et cetera.

Oh wow, right, that's dope but also fucked up. That's dope. I love that.

I'm not gonna lie you about to have me go Google playto like I feel like this was a documentary, Like Robbie, like, ooh, let me.

Go look more into this. Be give me a plato on the same type of time.

Girl, All I want to do the lady love is first, Okay, if you want more horseshit. Since we're at the end and now we can curse check us out on Patreon dot com Backslash Horrible Decisions because we went nowhere.

It's five bucks a month and you literally get bonus episodes.

Plus if you upgrade to the next tier, you get town Halls and these Decisions Decisions episodes too.

In video you've got Decisions oh radio, Yeah, yeah, we do a lot over there.

And now we have a new tier where you can become a producer, so you'll be able to either let us know some of the sex history you want to hear on here, you could shoot us hypotheticals, or you could send us videos that you want us to react to. But we have now a producer tier for you guys to be a part of the show, and we are gonna literally shout you out, So if you want to have a nickname or not, we'll shout you out and give you producer credit. But yeah, that's at Patreon dot

We're digging deep and we are hopefully giving.

You some insight on how to get in your journey. No, we get real deep in all the holes. It'll make you come and cry. Yeah, so make sure you pre order our book that comes out June twenty fourth, and again follow us wherever, make sure you rate, subscribe all the things and guys, we will see you on Wednesday or next week.

But we're around.

We all got us three times a week now, Okay, like, oh my goodness, tree ways the three holes you can insert.

Bye, okay bye