Ep 387: The Root Of Gayness & Homophobia (Ft. Jay Jurden)

Guess what decision we're about to make a horrible decisions.

Well it's a bonus.

Bitch, y'all, we are on our bonus episode.

Jay y'all have to join us for another one one day. But I have to talk about how I met Jay.

Okay, a Keen walks in my house, a Keen woods and he's on the phone talking about somebody with his other friend.

And this is how I loved.

And I was like, oh, he'll be great on horrible. You know when you don't need to know someone and you jump into the marble. Keen walks in and was like, so basically he's not even coming out to his wife. It's going to bathroom, pays me the phone with Jay. Now me and Jay talking, Yeah, And he was like, that's how they be, girl. We don't know each other's name nothing.

Yeah, So we were we were ruining some poor man's life because of decisions.

He also, wait a second, one of y'all were fucking married.

I was not mad. I mean, not a married man, but he's my man, my married man. But that's what I'm saying.

So this was a conversation about somebody fucking on somebody marl.

Someone, Uh, people were we hopped in the mystery machine. Yeah, and so the gang discovered that someone was pulling some capers. So what happened is our mutual friend I came found out that someone who was very straight and kind of not super public facing because we don't know how far their career is going to take off, but public facing enough that I was like, wait a second, married and straight,

Wife listen, let's just say I ain't gonna say well ethnicity. When I saw the wedding, it was one of the weddings that'd be a few days.

Let's just say that.

It's an arranged marriage, and she's a beard.

See and because that particular demographic does grow beards very well. I say that negatively and literally I agree.

You know, because me and my friend have had this that's a good Hollywood marriage. But also not only that, she could be lesbian and her culture doesn't accept it.

So that works great way for arranged marriages to go.

Yes, that would make sense in today's world.

Especially lavender marriages, especially when you lavender marriages. That was huge in like early twentieth century, mid twentieth century, like a lesbian and a man who just couldn't find the right girl would eventually marry for I mean that happened

It's funny.

I was just looking at a marriage.

I was just looking up and I don't remember which empire because I like looking into like the Dynasty, the Roman Empire, all these things, and there's a lot of kings that literally would have just straight gay orgies, even though they're a queen, even though they have children, and they're really.

Into gay orgies.

And it's just like, but again, batter sexuality, especially knowing that there was such a religious ordeal and so many of these uh empires and parts of the world nigga.

They wasn't just letting you be a gay ass king queen.

Technical and think about it, it wasn't great technically, it wasn't. It wasn't just that. It was also the fact that, like, if we're even looking at the kind of lens we've used sexuality through a modern one, that's that's so recent, long long, long ago. They will go straight or gay. These are words we haven't even like codified and said yet. All we know is, yeah, maybe you fuck guys. But what I need you to do is produce a male air so we can have another king, so we don't

If they were less homophobic, then to think about it, all.

Of the Christian pre Christian societies.

Well yeah, when you think of the Grecian and Roman times, of these orgies, of the culture of just homosexuality, painting, Oh.

The Egyptians, that y is Roman. I do wonder if that does them?

Then from hey, y'all this is not a religious podcast, but from the Christian the Christian lens which made which is also crazy because there's fucking sodomy and hantle sex in the bable too.

And the King James Bible. There's rumors that King James had male lovers or a male lovers. So the King James Bible, the definitive Bible for American Christians, a gay man was like take that part out, Like, yes, there's very substantial evidence that there's so many people throughout the history that kind of like made us be all things have to be this way. And then if we ever get to look at it through an actual queer lens and we get to go, oh, maybe Lincoln was kind

And chips like chimpanzee. You know what's crazy and I don't believe it.

But here's a crazy.

I don't believe in evolution. I don't actually I do know. I swear to God. No, but white people didn't say, y'all niggas came from monkeys.

I do not believe it because.

Then came from now They said they ain't come from money, they came from monkey.

They just said people know how many they? Yes, black people came from It's not just us.

I would also like to you know, she has two degrees. Okay, but science, but I got a science science to get that part. Wait a second, because I just saw something where they tried to say that.

White people came from lizards. What no, no, no.

I really thought that they said only black people came from monkeyy.

I just really never seen the evolution of man. It's not even a man.

That's because they don't want black people in this book.

Man. No, but many we would appointed. But the point that I'm getting to is close to it. So like if Bonobo's if we Share ninety is like a Pygmy champ. But they were. They just became their own species. Eventually. Here's a crazy party. We shared ninety eighty seven percent of our DNA with them, and these animals are gay as fucky. They have sex for pleasure, they have they do tons of kind of lingis like.

Oh, yeah, I just saw I just saw eight shit in his hand and throw it at some people.

Bitch, I'd be.

Loving this animal video.

Heat to come.

No, girl, you were on the two train. That was not an eight. You were running laid here.

Okay.

I want to tell you guys about this conversation I had because it's kind of making me think about what you said about they loved gay sex.

So I basically was having this.

Conversation at a pool party where I'm like, yo, I'm so lucky that I got to explore my sexuality with no shame, right, Yeah, And I talked about how I said. But you know, even though like I was gay for real, having a girl having a relationship intimacy, Almost every woman I know has kissed another woman.

Yeah.

Yeah, Now, if it was not for the shame that we felt as far as male homosexuality and even what women do to and that are gay, I was like men would have done it too.

I'm on a full on debate with five niggas. They all play ball.

They gonna lie and girl.

Actually, one said, and I really appreciate it. He said, Okay, what are you trying to say. You're saying if I didn't grow up in this world, I might be gay. I said, no, I'm not saying you might be gay. But I do believe that if you never grew up in this world, you would just try to experience pleasure differently.

Boom, that's all.

I don't even think you may have. I kindab believe were kind of boy.

Wait were they all black?

Yeah, here's it. I'll even add to that. You want to know something crazy, The parameters for what they consider queer activity also kind of shift culturally and also shift with time. Because if you say, oh, hey, i'm gonna go share this porn video with my homeboys, we're gonna take turns jerking off in the computer room. But here's

If you're if you're just changing in a room.

Talking about it, if you know about it, if you also know what attracted man looks like, if you talk about the poor and you like that's all like believe.

Like does that make sex?

Does that make you gay?

It doesn't make you get gay.

But it makes you're make you men sharing different links of sex.

See, that's what I'm saying.

If a man shared links of sex with.

Me, you know what, hold on?

And only now because he's doing it with a homeboy.

No, it's not like, so let's people, I'm gonna share this because maybe I'll keep this off of the regular episode. So the nigga that I just showed you that I'm fucking he got to be primary.

So okay, he got bumped up.

Oh he been disappeared, couldn't find him down them back and it was still hitting like it hit five years ago. So he's a freak to where he's like man all his homeboys even though he a freaking. I'm like, well, how because a lot of men don't share what they be doing in the bedroom.

Huh.

And he's like, oh, I have no shame. I like women. I do this.

So while we was fucking else, while we was fucking, hold on he FaceTime like three homeboys to watch, like to watch us fuck.

I'm gonna say that puts him. That doesn't make him game. But in the lowercase, b wait, because he's okay with an audience.

To me, that's voyeurism. Well, we hadn't had that conversation, so let's be very clear. As soon as he did that, I said, oh, I got a nigga that wants to watch us fuck and I.

And I literally was like, can I call him?

So when we had our threesome, bitch, I'm calling this nigga and he was sleep and I had to text him the next day. I was like, you said you wanted to watch Oh, when I tell you somebody gonna match my but.

Nothing. We're approaching a little bit of mmm territory.

I would love that.

But no, he's very he's very he's very adamant. But I think that you just going to a sex club, me going to a sex club. I think he loves being watched. He doesn't care who watches him. And when I go to the sex clubs. I said that when we did our fuse thing, I really enjoy not only someone watching me, but watching others, and so to me, I think it's more He's like, nah, I like, I like an audience because I know I put in work. I do this with Jay said if crossover because.

Like what I what I'm hearing is like, oh, there's a lot of freedom, there's a lot of cos, there's a lot of maturity. But then I think at that point, I want to get both of you a smack a butt, especially is he gonna smack a.

But I would love it, But I don't know. We haven't gotten that far in conversation.

I think you're someone that can make a man feel.

So sure I'll make him suck a dick with me if I if I if, I.

Feel like we can get there. But I want to ask you.

I do want to ask you all a question though, because because we talk about this a lot, I feel like we're blending kink and sexuality. Hear me out, voyeurism, exhibitionism, all these things have nothing to do with gender. They are acts within the kink okay spectrum, you know what I mean. It's not that I'm saying a man or

We are not the people to ask. I think we all feel open like no. But this is because the question for the audience the conversation was the levels of get like how a man, that guy that sat in front of me and said, Okay, if I didn't have outside influence, maybe I would have explored pleasure and not have thought this is even gay.

I love that this is a chapter in our book, but I'm literally.

It's basically like, I agree, that's not what he did wasn't gay. This is just for the fun of the talk. But I do think there are people that either.

Don't look his faith, my over masculine and freaking out about.

What they can do with another person.

Some won't even like, oh, I want to talk about it, are not talking about to excuse me in the in the MMF, I don't want around another dick.

Some men say that I don't even think MMF is gay.

That's what I'm saying.

So okay, now you're saying, but.

Yeah, because I think that so many men in American society, and hopefully it's changing slowly, but surely, so many men go, if there's another penis present, we've dipped our toe in the gay pond. And what I want to let them know is that that's not the gay pond. That's the pleasure pond. That's how you are incorporating.

We might quote that in the book.

But you could. You could I also say, oh, this does make you go. You know what, I'm a bit more sexually free than I thought, because there's so many people who are hardliners on eighth. They're niggas that go, man, if I have to if I eat a girl out, well my back, oursh and my booty up a little bit, that's game for me. And I go, wait a second, you are a face down in.

You can't be bent over. You got to be on your back way hold on. So you know why?

So I literally again, for this chapter that I'm writing right now, i'm mustage reading up. So the chapter is actually about how are so there's three factors that dictate your sexuality. It's environment, it's it's environmental, biological, and psychological. So psychological is like your how your personality allows you to maybe go out. So say we're extroverts, we might be more into trying another sex because we're just more openly out talking to humans.

Biological, you could be.

Born gay in the womb, like there's genetics that can actually cause you to be gay. Then environmental, it's kind of like your chapter. But it's my love of New York. I don't feel like without being in this type of city, I would have been able to experience the layers of sex that I did. So I'm getting into not only the dungeon and all that, but talking about uh.

Again, the environment.

So I'm like, you know what, the way that black people are even able to explore kinks in sexuality, specifically men London two, they now question anything regarding their sexuality, way anything that questions black masculinity. So it's actually the way in which and if y'all listen to my phone call thing, we had a caller call in who was like, I don't like a man that has gel polished or even mannerisms if he moves his hands certain ways and.

Within artist, can.

We run down a list of things that we know questions a black mask, black masculinity.

With if he's if he ducks and takes cover when they're shooting at.

A party, if he said, if he uses any polish, if he uses if he's.

A person well CarMax, if he puts too much, puts too much lotion, if he shaped, if his fingernails are clean.

I mean because some people like bvuh.

And I get very daily ear ring.

Get I get very sad because those women are also letting patriarchy beat they last. You let in, You let in rules that had your mama and your grandmama cooking for men with three families, affect the way that you look at men who are into you, you love you, who want to do everything with you. You scared because he got a margarita because you order one too.

No, it ain't the margarita beach.

You don't know what to come that margarita gonna come in.

No, it's it's the chair Hollo and me and the motherfucker want to eat the cherry and try to tie the motherfucker.

Stain with his tongue. What are we doing?

You know I fucked with that nigga with a tongue ring. Who is trinny?

And I was sixteen and he was like eighteen, I think, And I remember thinking to myself, Oh my god, I really like him.

This is cool. Mind you my boyfriend.

Now is you know Lenny Kravitz ask I always talk about because of nipple rings, gauges, even the energy and vibe, and so it's interesting, like I've wanted this man, damn it. Twenty years later, however, specifically with that guy, I remember thinking to myself, I'm not going to tell my friends about his tongue ring or these piercings or his stuff about him, because then they'll know.

That he's gay.

But I just don't care, because as a kid, I thought, if he has it, he's gay. But I just didn't mind. And I really believed that him having these things. But where did that come from?

So what I learned, oh you know, not only what you learned.

Sixty two years old thinking a tongue ring made him gay.

I don't know if they jack got there I put as well.

I don't think we realize how much an outside, the outside influence and opinions of our friends and family dictate our pleasure and what we're able to experience. Whether it's love or sex. We have a lot of people like if.

I meet someone and I really like him, like even.

This one, I already know, nigga's gonna be like, oh he read d D d DA, They're gonna st to say about him already know, and that's fine, that's fine. I really like this nigga. So I really like this nigga. And luckily, my friends have now just accepted that I operate on a different universe than they do with men.

But also they single. I can't find a nigga.

He though.

You mentioned sexuality of love, there's something I didn't realize till write in this book. I'm writing this chapter about my ex girlfriend, and I apologize to her in it because one of the things I realized is that my attachment to her not like I wasn't love with her or anything, but a lot of it was because she was everyone's vision of me coming out.

Everybody knew I was a little gain.

They maybe heard about a threesome or kids or see me with girls, were like, now I have this, Now you see it. Now we're connected, we're going on vacations together, we're sharing our families. Like she in my brain was the marker of people knowing that and the Breakchael.

But also there's a crazy part I think with women particularly and we kind of brought this up earlier. Part of the reason that people even allow women to do that as much in society currently is because people don't respect lesbian people don't respect lesbian sex. It's not just lesbian, it's not just lesbian relationships because people people just people respect lesbian relationships because they go, yeah, somebody paying for something or.

Some of the woman.

Yeah.

And they can respect gender dynamics. They can even respect long term partnerships, they can respect co parenting, or people really can't get behind because of the phallocentric nature of the way we approach sexuality sometimes in American way, well fallo centric once again, because people go, where's the dick? They go, it's in the book bag. What do you mean where the dick is? Where's the dick? The dick

The centric shit that you're talking about.

I didn't specifically use that word, but the interesting thing that I started to figure out was like I talked about how the masculinity went away from me, so I didn't think I could be with her until a bad moment happened, right my dad had a stroke and she was there for me, and I was like, oh, just that safety, and that made me think, oh, she's my man now in a very strange way, like, oh, I can be with her the ways that in my brain I had to as a bisexual person.

I will say this no offense to anybodysexuals. I believe this.

My lesbian friends feel way more natural in their relationships in ways where my brain makes questions. I find it difficult to like navigate certain situations, whether it be paying or like being masculine in moments. And I don't think my lesbians friends have that because they don't also date men. I think they just go.

You know, you gotta you gotta be like ash ketcherman, have your hat turned around. That's that's you putting on. I think that embodying energy from both aspects of like this gender dynamic we set up in relationships like I'm by but I'm married to a man, and people go, oh, jay, or how does that work? And I go the way that works is that I'm in a gay relationship with

I hate that you just said that because that's where my mind went. My immediate question next was gonna be like, oh, so wait how no, no, no, not even how it was going to be like, so when does he let you have sex with women? Because because to me being bisexual and even within my relationship, I think that's why even now finding this partner, we had a threesome. Yeah, we just had a threeson and I'm like, oh, we're

I have had my longest relationship is the one of my husband, so romantically, I have way more experience dating a man and being with a man and cohabitating with a man, but also my experiences with going on dates with women, my experiences with having sex with women, both in college post college in New York. I think that you definitely will go, oh, I'm more used to this, I have more experience with this, but I'm very much open to this. And that wasn't something you even knew

I've let them do that. We don't let me.

I'm not gonna lie.

There's a nigga I got a crush on right now. He's like one of the Peloton niggas.

Yeah, which one? No?

No, no, you know he looks like he's Spanish. I don't know his name. I just started following him, and you know it don't show you the most recent.

That you follow I always let me.

Oh wait is this no? This is another nigga? So he's so gorgeous.

And when I went through his page, I still followed him, but I immediately checked him up to he ain't on my team because all my gay homeboys was in the likes. And then I went through the comments. When I see that, I'm like, oh, he and my team. Then I went through the comments and probably very innocent. He does respond to everyone, so I'm like, oh and he responded to the boys.

Okay, So I was like, I was like, he's gay.

So literally, I'm on my Live last night and I'm trying to show them my views on ugly media, muggly media, muggly and find niggas, but this nigga fine. But I was like, I think he's gay. Everyone in the comments was like, no, girl, he not gay. And now I'm like, I gotta go back through the page.

I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna find him. But he's so fine. But comments can comments.

Social media? Well, here's because people, the algorithm is the sexuality at that point. The views are the sexuality at that point.

I know gays, but like this, there might be fifty thousand likes, but I know four.

Four gays and you went, I don't know is what is gage is now.

Okay, but I think that, like, I have a friend who he's my age, and this is the first year that he said, you know, I'm gonna try to date women. He's not like actively trying to like date every girl, but he like if he's vibing with a girl, and because a lot of times people would be like will write him off. If he's vibing with a girl, he'll go, oh, you want to go get coffee, you want to go

Experience with black women, specifically telling them you're bisexual.

It's a generational thing. It's I'm secure was young to me, That's what I'm saying. It's so generational. Also, I'm friends with Langston, so it's very funny that so like, who was the character that, well, Langston played the guy that Molly didn't want to date because he had experience with a woman. One time. I would think I would. I would. I can say that for the most part now, and because I'm friends with so many kind of like alternative

I think that has to do as well, just with the stigma that was associated with gay sex.

And HIV family.

What I'm gonna tell you why I think it won't go away.

You tell me because there's because the crazy thing that we just found out about uh HIV is that it's affecting white is affecting black heterosexual women more.

Yeah.

Do you know what a lot of this is attributed to is a lot of the states in where abortions now illegal, is keeping women from going to the doctor if you're fround pregnant in some of these states and you choose not to keep it.

But that's also so new.

No, but these rates rising are specific to these places.

But I wonder like with the black women specifically as well, because Roe v. Wade was just last year. Yeah, so the statistical clific cities though, right, but the.

Dallas, Texas with it, I mean, yeah, the rates also have risen within ninety days.

Yeah, but one hundreds on a global scale, like and especially.

HIV black women. But that's what I'm saying with Roe V. Wade in that fear that's within the last year. This has been a thing for like now the last five.

Years, it has, But I'm just saying, like, some of it is attributed to the fact that they don't even want to go see the doctor.

So now we have women that don't know their status.

And I also think that like because for the longest time HIV was seen as a gay disease, I think that's so many heterosexual people don't even know about PREP at all. They know nothing. We don't talk about enough. And it's partly also because most of the ads are just like Forgate, very for gay people. But now they are starting to have more black women in in those

They Oh, this is what I was gonna say. I don't think it's gonna go away. They don't know what to do. These people you're talking about, I feel like, as the years go on, I don't know if the world is growing or if I just have more like minded people accessible to me.

It's probably the latter.

I think it's both. I think we're seeing we're seeing people's brains expand in part because of TikTok and social media, and you are kind of like.

Because I.

Mean community, you're seeing more people coming to you and be like girl.

For example, we post a thing of me talking about gampede.

On on the comments, the comments on Instagram maybe percent like Shade's like, ooh girl, live you'all life, have fun whatever. I saw it on Twitter and they're like, oh, we need God back and right, And I'm laughing.

You saying this on Twitter, but you're saying you want God back on girl, you're in the head, You're seeing it on the bathroom wall in hell.

Your demographic right, you're either welcome. I think Kem even made a comment like fuck bro. When I was on lip service, they did not fuck with me. And then when I was on Horrible, he loved it. They loved him, and and he's like.

You're saying old niggas.

It's not that demo as much it's her and it's not her right. She's talking about.

Sex, but not Kingkagah. Not stories are out.

There and also not it Generation X. And I say this with love because I know that they're all fifty and they figuring out if they're gonna get put in the home right now. I love I love that. Not a fifty don't do that, then I love them. They helped invent hip hop. But Generation X is truly so scared of queerness in a way that they they lied about Africa Bambada. Do you understand like there have been they're so was molesting little boys and they hid that.

I don't think. How old did you say you were.

I'm thirty six. I wouldn't. I graduated no six.

So I'm thirty three. I bring that up.

I did not see gay people growing up until I moved to Atlanta and then many I'm from Florida. I actually had a gay cousin. Do you know to this day we never saw a partner I was.

We were never introduced to a man.

I don't even know if he ever had sex, but we knew he was gay as a family. That's why he loved Jamaica. But like, literally, I didn't grow up even seeing gay people.

I think this is this is.

Again, it's different.

We grow up right because you know, my mom, my godfather was gay. I was born in sam fran but Mandy and I grew up both grew up in Orlando. I didn't have that experience. Hey, best friend, I expected like I mixed some in high.

School, middle school in high school.

You.

Oh, but in my school, in my high school, we had we had a lot of our lesbians. And this is not a joke, but that's also because we had an amazing women's basketball team. So we were like, they're not lesbians, they're winners. Okay, there's a difference.

Okay, it's kind of like and it said, I mean by finding it, So I grew up seeing all the gays, right I'm talking about I remember once my father got in an argument with one of his friends or someone around because my mom and her gay best friend would be in the bed watching movies.

They're still best friends to this day. And I was overexposed to it. Right, So I think that I never saw the other side. But I say all this because when I talk about the tribe, there is also that group on Twitter.

They were not generation.

Yeah, this is the.

Crowd or younger millennials and younger shit is always gonna be hood shape, broa.

You click on them niggas and.

They look the same, and they all kind of have that same idea about kink, about me being a whore. I also saw a guy retweet the thing about me saying I got pissed on and he said how nice it must be to be rich, And I thought to myself, Oh, he thinks the man that pete on me isbai.

Literally I saw that as a comment. Oh she's ready to go toes. That is that nigga. I know pisses free everyone. Everyone could do it. You could get it. I listen, I have. I have tried water sports in the shower. I think everyone has the difference.

Actually, I'm trying to sit here and think of the correlation with him. I'll be honest with you. And I get asked this from my homegirls.

When I peg men for my own pleasure, they'd be like, girl, you ain't charge him. So when it's something that you feel like you maybe can't get or it's not accessible, or if it's taboo. But god, So I've been in therapy dealing with this, like my friends right now, the niggas that are all my roster, the niggas that I'm dealing with, and every time I'm with them, they're like, girl, how much money you getting?

How much you're asking for?

And I was like, do y'all know I'm not in survival mode and I don't have to charge niggas to fuck me anymore, Like and I'm literally arguing with my friends down because my nigga's rich and they're like, so, how much money are you getting?

So what are you what are you getting out of it?

I mean, we can also talk about this. There's there's a bit there's a bit of a conflation between like making sure that the people you date and the people you interact with and the people you want to have sex with are taking care of themselves, but also if you have if they want to buy you something like the fact that no one is scared when the check comes to the table versus And this is what's happened because of TikTok and a little bit because of Instagram,

Whole prostitutes that you were getting, dating advice.

You were getting and here's a and here's a crazy part, Like I'm pro sex work. I understand, I understand. This is the worst I was professional. Ain't never gonna go away. But if you are trying, if you're in in high school, if you're in college and your only goal is to like get a bag from a dude who you just met at a hookah lounge. That not dating. That is like, that's like kind of that's a business venture and so, but you can't like conflate the two.

Like he really making me think about a friend that's in my life. She's from Atlanta and she's moved living between New York and LA and basically was recently saying like, I haven't dated for loving so long that when I'm now dating for love, I almost feel like they're getting over on me, you know.

And it's gonna be frustrated, and it should be.

Well, I don't know me, my age she is. She's like, girl, like, I'm out here. I've dated Princess, I dated ballplayers, I dated these rappers, all these people. Now I'm dating a dude who's taking me to dinners. If I have sex with them after a few dates, I feel like I did it for nothing.

And she because you deserve because you.

Content, bro, She's like, and then I click on and mind you, this is a grown ass woman. She was like, I'm sending your took an on Instagram and on my algorithm because all the holes I know, and all I'm saying is, this is how you get it, This is how you live yourself like this, how you do this.

She's like, I can't figure out how.

To I understand we're saying this from places of privilege. I see the clouds, I see the hat, I see the jewels. I understand that if you are in a situation where you want to make sure that you're taken care of and also you want to make sure that you're dating people who can take care of you, but like their hat, you have to like them a little bit. It is getting weird.

I had a whole outline about marriage, but I know were gonna have you on a care.

We can talk about marriage, but no, no, we gonna say that, but a whole. But I want to bring up this clip I saw.

I think y'all be so much mon to talk about this with little douvall posted this.

I just I just reposted something about him.

Is this women cut from South White under belly.

Attracted women are giving advice to average women about entitlement. Now, in honesty, really beautiful young women can afford to be entitled. Life is easy for them. This is just an unfair fact of life. But ultimately you would think that, but there are still men willing to risk it still pays off. That entitlement is reserved for the one percent of women. It's reserved for the hyper beautiful. You really look after themselves. The problem is these women are the ones that we

So when here's my.

Carment, I said, this is a jadave perspective.

Maybe when it comes to the dating pool, Yes, beautiful women have or access to richermond, but I disagree that an average looking women can't get a man.

To pay for everything.

Beyond that, I don't like fifty to fifty preaching because it is not about average looks. It is about the majority of people not having status or money. I meet gorgeous women all the time that work regular jobs, and they are not crawling the clubs or igdms looking for rich niggas.

This is podcast talk.

Normal people exist, and normal people doesn't mean they aren't beautiful. I follow at least fifty women that look better than this girl have less than the found followers and private pages. They are not out here doing interviews. The real world exists.

I'm telling you, I am.

So tired of us thinking that beauty money stat like this is Instagram thought.

Bro.

It not only is the Instagram thought, it's also click driven bait. The sex is women. Some of the sexiest women. You know what they do. They third grade teachers in places that don't pay teachers nearly enough. Hell, they are not They are not bottle service girls. They are not going to Dubai to get pooped on under glass table. They are truly just women, Black women in particular, trying to make money in America. And that's hard.

You know why we think that these girls aren't pretty anywhere.

I've realized when a girl's walking on the street that has an ig batty look BBL maybe certain fillers or even dark hair, big eyebrows, just a certain makeup, even aesthetic, that is what even these ig met like. That is the thing that we see rich people, money, charter planes, we think they look like Kim.

We do. So when you.

See a hot, quote unquote normal looking black.

Girl, I'm gonna say, just like this, if we saw Gabrielle Union or Megan Good walking down the street, we probably think not as them as a celebrity when in regular clos like oh she's cute, but we don't glamorize it.

I mean there's a lot of girl looks.

There's a lot of things on line now though that do live the soft girl life or do preach it. Or even the girl who didn't want to be taken to the cheesecake factory, and because she looked normal, everyone in the comments was.

Like, you don't.

You don't deserve to speak this way. People feel as though average looking women don't deserve to ask for more, which is actually what she's just saying, like no, you don't have to settle, like and we talk about it all the time, like when I want to know when I look bro, I was talking, I was fucking millionaires. Happened first, like doing all the things as a big bitch. And people that watch this goddamn podcast was like she lying, ain't no way she getting that. I do not pop

But y'all do the niggas on my phone.

Right now, y'all be old.

Bitch, Like we have to even like dissect the fact that, like, no, at no point in time has everyone's dating life and the way they go about securing dates and finding love and who's paying for it's never been so public. So now everyone's being like, oh, I'm going I'm going this. They go, oh, I'm gonna go to this place and we're gonna order this. And now people are showing your seats now all the time. I hate that, am I seeing your receipts?

Why is the.

Question now how much money should be spent on a first date? And they're really doing that man on the street style, and there's people who are saying it has to be a certain dollar amount. And so that's where maybe your friend dating now regular comparing to what.

She's getting actually to her, well, I don't know the word I'm trying to say, but basically not to her fault.

But she literally was like, it's not like.

I'm expecting them to do with these other men.

I'm blaming myself thinking of how many steps it took me to fuck? And my friend can't do they really like me because these regular dudes will play you too. And we're like, and I've had these girls drilling to my head like, oh you need to be with a rich guy crying the Bentley, don't cry in the Hunter. She's like, so, now dating for love is so hard because I can't figure out what I'm doing.

But then what happens. What happens if you cry in the Bentley enough that y'all break up? And then people go, now she's a homie hopper because you've told all these people you can't ever go back to a certain lifestyle choice. So now you got a date a person that friend group or a person who is in that circle because you have to cry in a different Bentley. And now all the comments aren't oh she's living soft girl life, it's oh she's a homie hopper. Oh she's an industry thought.

Like you need the next thing.

We had this conversation last night at dinner talk slightly about it. A woman named arsenal Ursula Burns that I produced a show with that basically talked about how much matters money. She's a billionaire, and she said, after a million dollars, it's not the same anymore. Right, So then at dinner we were like, how much money do you need.

To where you don't think about it anymore?

And I know for a fact for me that number was in the four I stopped thinking about what I was spending now.

Nig I just talked about this in therapy. For the last couple of years, I didn't look at the price tag of nothing. But I guess after that number, Yeah, what do you want now? Because I was thinking, yeah, oh, I just want a better car than a Tesla. Now I want a bigger apartment. Now I want a bigger I want to always fly first. Now I want this. I don't want gold plated.

I'm needing stress.

The money isn't I was doing these things right right, Like I can eat out without looking at the orders of eat.

That price tag that he's talking about is for other people.

Yeah, And because the comfort, comfort and security and not having to worry and not having those that peace of mind that you clear that benchmark and then you're kind of now you're getting into like choices. You're getting in like, oh, this is this is a matter of option one A versus option one. B Oh, I don't know, I really.

Do I want the Jackie bag? Or do I just want a new clutch?

Do I really.

Need do I want one Grand Caviart exactly?

It's literally it's not real decisions.

And I'm saying this as a person, and this is a this is life flex. I've been on TV quite a lot. I have a very good stand up career currently going. There is a level of success financially and professionally where you kind of go Okay. So now if I'm ripping and running, it needs to be for a passion. Project needs to be something I love, something I want. And when you left that business mindset about your professional

Am I going to put in the transaction of this relationships?

Exactly?

People if they're hand in hands and they can't be Now it's the contrary. I do think we all should be dating someone that is equal or better.

I don't think anyone here is trying to Kevin Samuel's this conversation.

Girls should meet people where they're at as far as like, let's say you make mad bread, you meet a dude who doesn't make as much as you.

What's that line? Look, you disagree because when I was poor, I wanted original.

Well here's the thing. If I wasn't in a date another, But Maddie, I think that you. I think that you are also you from the interacts we've had today, You're also capable of being like, I don't really like this rich nigga. So you know what he gets this much of me, this much of my time, this much of my energy because.

The primary but I'm getting whole bunch of.

But that's what we're saying, having having a having a roster, and having the ability to say, oh, I can invest this much time in this person. I have the time, Assilles go, oh, I really like this for this quality. I like this person this quality. That's a little bit different than saying I have to be unhappy with this man because I like this And there's.

No option anymore for in this economy for us to be saying we can only date someone that makes X, y Z more because at the end of the day, for me, I work in entertainment.

At the end of the day to day, don't eat.

And decide that I can't work anymore, don't want to work anymore. Is the man that owns real estate and is learning how to flip it and is doing all this shit that's more valuable to me, Like wait, and.

It's got these things in their hands. You did j mvy.

Not want peak color bas.

There is no here's it okay? But I also think that, like it's such an economics and love and race, these are all conversations that like black people are trying to have online on podcasts, in person, sometimes in seminar, and sometimes with our friends. They're like, whenever you start to like put all of these conversations in the same pot, everything like we've been discussing becomes so confusing. You can say, oh, I really want to make sure that I love the man,

Conversations that we're seeing.

Well, it's the content, but also is because the content drives clicks, which drives likes, which drives, and it drives these meta conversations that then become real conversations because then people talk about it. But like my favorite example of this is like people, I'm glad we brought up Gabrielle Union. This is what people talk about when talk about Gabrielle Union. Here's the thing they don't go. They don't go Gabrielle Union. Oh my gosh, one of the best black actors of our time.

I mean, she's a lot. We never said she's one of the best actors.

We do not ever say that.

You're you're wait wait, I think I'm not thinking she has never been one of the best Black actors of our time.

I'm putting Gabrielle Union career.

We've been with Angela Bassett. Can I tell you we're not going to do that. We have to do that, you bring up gabriel Union like this. I had this in a micro conversation. Was on a plane watching deliver Us from either Yeah Black Girl next to me and said to me, we do not give this enough credits. She is a good literally said because look what I'm watching on my iPad and flipped being married Jane and.

I'm glad it got two seasons, but this one look like she's cool, but she is not one of the best Black I like her. Let's be very clear.

I didn't she not one of the best Black said she. I didn't say she was.

Viola All doesn't even show up.

Okay, so let's talk about Let's say this, so when we when we talk about Gabriel Union, we don't say, oh, she is a very talented black actress there who we love, whose career has spent decades. Who I'm gonna give you all.

You will agree with all the ones before.

Viola, Regina King, Okay, Carrie, Yeah, was in.

All the three moments? Then you only have two you want to have to I was.

Cool with that whole first five. Or maybe you only have to so not once to not you could have just stop right there.

This is about you. This is about you and the party.

Thinking no, no, no, sticking around. Sticking around does not mean that you were one of the best. Even the roles that they played. Bro Mid is what I was range. But Union is in the same us.

This book is a cop because I loved her book. You know why she was able to write her books great.

Because that's how her personal life.

You can't tell you. But but but let's talk about it. So when we talk about Union Fox, there we go. We talked about reunion. Who at least the right who's the same thing?

No, yeah, iconic, iconic, icon is crazy, man, do you know that?

But then who's But then who's iconic and black?

To you, I said that whole first group she named this is in the first group that mainstream Garyel Vinegar Fox is one of ours. I'm sorry, I didn't know we were talking about BTT black busses.

No, girl, we didn't say that.

We do.

Also also, if we want to, we can talk about it. We can talk about we can talk about Nedda and Charles. But no, but you see, we know. But good, okay, this is the five. Okay, So we have Gabriel Union. And when we bring up Gabriel Union, we have talk. We talk about the fact that she starting from there, let's know, you know, we talk about the fact that she said that her and her multimainionaire NBA ed husband they went fifty to fifty people. I can't buy Leiaving.

But hold on, you know what it is too, women with wealth, women with long standing careers.

No one wants to sit there and not have a piece of the pie. It must feel to be.

Able to say, wait a minute, you can't kick me out, wait an I pad, because that is the.

Big man man right now making the same money you made, fell in love.

You guys want to.

Buy a property together?

No, I'm not well, first if he's bying property with a nigga. Never, I'm not doing any more business fifty fifty with anybody into a place together.

Yeah.

No, So here's the thing too, and my well, me and my ex even had this conversation. So because we weren't making the same amount of money, there was no way in hell it would make sense. And even for him, of course, the things that we even wanted, what I want stealing four windows door, man, I can afford that that motherfucker lived in Harlem.

I think he was lucky to have elevation.

So no, so what I'm saying is knowing that we did make differences in money, which is be clear, Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade make differences of money.

Don't believe it should be fifty to fifty at all.

And so if me and him would have moved into an apartment that was seven grand a month, because the two bedrooms that I was looking at at the time were that, I wouldn't expect him to pay thirty five hundred.

You meet a man today, you guys make the same.

Yeah, he has an apartment, I have my apartment. I don't want to live with a nigga bro.

But I think the conversation instead of talking about.

I'm just saying, like, two wealthy black people, they're building a life together.

But then I guess what I wanted to add to that. I was like, what I wanted to add to that was that people instead of just being like, Oh, let's have a conversation about black love, all, let's have a conversation about like two wealthy black people together, they also were like, Oh, let's talk about the fact that like she emasculates him, all, let's talk about the fact that

People don't know how to compartmentalize.

Let's be very clear, but it's dwindling back A good commack.

Yes, the fucking patriarchy.

Gabrielle Euni one of the best black ashes of all times.

In my top five.

You had something to make that wasn't your point.

All I was saying was all we do is now find a way to talk back about the sexuality of her husband and masculations a kid, her not being woman enough, or the splitting of the bills, like her not being valued.

Another age difference.

It's so much conversation and it literally takes her and all of her accolades away because it is man.

It's the accolade, hey, you know, but also this is a man this but this is fun and this is like a key other people. Here's the crazy part. Other people, truly, they truly will be like, nah, like this is what happens because they still want to be these are evil kind of like like chauvinistic man. They're like, this is what happens when like blah blah blah blah blah, she has too much control. She emasculates him, like she's the reason that he's okay with this. She's the reason that

I.

Think, But also like I also I also think that like when we have conversations like this, it is better. But you know, acknowledging the privilege we are all we are people who are living in New York who like

Funny because y'all want to see here Lizzie now, y'all want to suck on.

Kendrick Digg, but y'all letting Drake allow y'all pint y'all nails now too.

Be very clear and in the wildest part of that whole situation, and I'm only gonna talk a little bit about Kendrick and Drake is because like people, they instantly went, oh, yeah, Kendrick destroyed Drake, and I was like, yes, But, like y'all said, need to be more happy with the battle than any of the allegations it is. It is weird to be like it's done, but then also be like, uh, kids, yeah, I don't care about that.

I was smoking weed and I'm not a good weed smoker. I was in the club and I was dancing like and I said a minor and my brain went, oh no, I literally said.

When they came out, I said, we is not going to be in the club yelling out a minor work And literally everyone was like this, bitch.

Yes you will. Here's here's a wild part. I do think it hopefully will stop some of these dudes from letting them nineteen year old girlfriends in the club, because how you're going to be in a section a minor with a nineteen year old?

So nineteen is not a minor with well?

With us with the sixteen is not a minor. Well, I mean with your young don't do that.

I say it all the time. Eighteen and up is an adult.

And you heard him say, my husband, so do you want to?

And I hold you when you did that, I did the math a little bit.

I'm not going, but I'm not going. When you all met, he was he was.

He said, we've been together thirty thirteen years married nine, he thirty one.

I was like, oh much, yeah, college, but that's.

What I'm saying.

But when he was sitting with was it too what's his name to toy and he said, you like teenage girls?

And he went nineteen as a teenager.

No you say teenage? What age are we talking? And I remember his face?

I mean and like, I mean, I get I get a lot of the joy because I play. I played, not like way too much. But like every now and then we'll have conversations online will be like, oh this is fun, is fun, and just every now and then you want to be like, wait, oh shit, oh shit, this is this is like kind of this is a little dark.

We're going to feel bad right now. We don't feel bad because it's not real. What we just saw with Diddy is real. We saw people were.

People were still sticking up for him until the video, until we had bisical evidence and now they're right back.

Wasn't they're like a Diddy? The crazy Diddy thing to me was when people were like, yeah, who hasn't tried to blow up Kid Cuddy's car?

I was like, no, that's not.

He tried to kill Kitty, He tried to.

Put that's crazy funny.

That's crazy because that like got swept on the rug.

My three favorite rappers are not anymore Ito waits in My Darkness fantasy, but it was Kanye, Cuddy and Codek.

What anyway, God damn, you let your white side and tell the people where to find.

That.

You can find me all over social media, just at Jay Jurden. My name j y j U r D. And I'm on tour or this summer. You can see me do an hour of stand up. Uh you can. I'm going I'm going to Orlando on the seventeen. Yeah, August, Okay, okay, yeah, So I'm in Chicago in August. I'm gonna be at the Labrett Improv in September. I'm gonna be in Phoenix in September, and then I'm gonna be I'll be in La again in October two. I'll be doing my hour

I can't wait to have you back on talk about marror. Yeah, we ain't talking about marriage.

Well, sexuality. I think for a lot of people, especially especially black podcast listeners, I'm very happy that slowly but surely we're having a bunch of younger Black people and older Black people being able to be like, I'm figuring stuff out. I'm figuring stuff out for me because some of the old rules they ain't there no more. Now think about this, think about this. It went. It took maybe ten years. Skinny jeans were gay, then they were

All right, we're not playing with this.

If I see you on skin and jeans, now I'll go oh oh.

I can't wait to have you want to do the acting straight? Anyway, y'all, thanks for listening to Patreon.

We'll have Jay on soon so that you can hear all about his husband fight and I want to see his acting straight skit.

Ooh yes, yeah, b it's going to be.

Control.

I'm you know, I'm working on it because I'm gonna have to, you know, use my mouth for multiple people saying so, so, how many do you think you could do in a week? What how many people in a week? Or how many times can I stuck.

Dick in a week?

Because if you meet them, then you take them to the sex club.

Okay, so guys, luckily Weazy got to do her scrolling prior to this, but you can for this.

What I'm not gonna lie. So you would not have jumped on field. I would not have jumped on field at all, so no, this is Patreon.

I'm on there.

You are on there, I mean you you can't you know, hold on.

I don't want to run into people in there, you said, I mean okay, so yeah, don't believe it.

So anyway, No, why you said it on the other app. I'm not the other app, but you said it on the what No?

Okay, anyways, y'all, I'm on this app now because weasy got on the app to have another semi fourth some because it wasn't like a real forsome it was.

It was given semi.

If it was real or not.

Okay, Well, one was crying, the other one has just been, which.

Is crazy because I have not came across your couple. So I wonder if because we have each other's number, What do you mean? I haven't seen anyone I know on there either, but I know people on the app.

Yeah, I don't know he and him be swiping.

He'd be like, damn, we adn't run out of bitches here.

You haven't came across my page. No, and i've seen the years either.

Yeah, I don't know they've they'd be I'm blocking, not compatible, maybe cop blocking.

So basically, y'all, I got on an app, and.

I have been in this place where I'm like questioning a lot, like my sexuality, what I want, what I don't want, what I think I want, what I might want, trying to learn from my previous relationship, like how to go about communicating it, and in a.

Very like greedy way. I know, I just want a lot of people like I realized that.

So and after the Internet tore me a new asshole because I clearly only want to have sex with women and want to be in a relationship with men, I decided I kind of wanted to try a couple. After you found such a good looking couple on the DApp, I can't believe it. Me neither, So bitch, I found a good looking couple and I almost didn't even think they were real.

So I was like, okay, well let me try this out.

So I matched with the guy first, and it was very clear that they were looking for a girlfriend, like they don't play separate, which is what I was.

Finding a lot of friends, not a third no, So a lot of.

The a lot of the couples that I was finding were open to playing together or separate, or only one of them were attractive.

I don't know how.

I don't know how good looking people getting with ugly people, but it's the new waves. Like a lot of these couples was fifty fifty. I know one looked good, the other was not.

It you know it's crazy too.

I feel like when we were growing up, we always see a good looking woman with a just okay looking man because of money.

Okay, I was seeing some of the opposite.

Oh no, no, no, there's this other guy and I'll show you the nigga's been looking good.

This nigga look good and his bitch.

I was like, I ain't playing well with a ten foot pole nigga ugly.

I was not interested. Not ugly. Bitch is a big word.

Bitch, Why you ain't got no luck?

A bitch is just okay?

No bitch ugly ugly?

And I was like, like, awesome, if I got to fuck her to fuck you, I don't even want to fuck you for real, for real, let.

Me show you how ugly. And he's okay, but she bruh, she is sturdeous.

What BRO told you?

She's ugly?

Bro, I'm okay, I know this is Bro. I know I'm gonna confront with you, all right, now, bruh, this is jarring.

How ugly she is and how fun he is.

He he Dominican, he older, he he I looking, he got a little garter, so he's he's in the play party.

Let me describe what she looks like.

Bro, you gotta watch the video to see where easy saying, it's given the Natalie mention, it's given the Andrew Schultz knows times to what the no, I did.

Not feel bad.

No, by the way, let me describe me.

Okay, he's a Dominican black dude, says six five, and he's very fit.

Has partnered with my soulmate. She is a funny.

Looking white woman.

I'd go Eastern Europe. Europe those features, yeah, I want to have. I don't even suck.

So anyways, so outside of outside of that couple, which they played separately, thank god, so I was in he bitch he lived in Astorias, So I was like, oh, this this could be cool. I end up meeting matching the other couple next and bitch I was thrown off him. And so it's a black guy and an Asian girl. So you just called a segment from our bonus content over on Patreon. We have so much more, bonus content, BTS live episodes, hundreds of hours.

How are you not subscribed? Go right now? Patreon dot com, Backslash orbel decisions