EP 381: How To Have The Talk With Your Kids (Ft. Tara)

Guess what decision we're about to make. Horrible decision.

Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Horrid Bled.

This is y'all.

I'm your girl, Mandy b aka Peta Sign aka PEG and Marco aka I'm out here fucking these niggas aka a dad bit. You've been out here these niggas. So I was not fucking these niggas for like a year. I was healing.

Okay, babe, I didn't like that my name is weezy and Mandy's line.

Mandy was getting dick once in a blue and if she didn't like it, it didn't care. It was fingers. I got finger banged, but I wasn't getting dick while I was really being celibate. Girl.

You weren't celibate, you was said, I was said. Anyway, I don't know if this was gonna be a PG episode, but I really wanted us to do an episode talking about sexuality.

And this isn't gonna be PEG. We're gonna find a way for this. I almost said sexuality and kids, it's not that.

So I had experience and I was telling Mandy about and maybe we talked about horrible where I had to talk to my friend's kid about their period and about sex, and I was like, I don't know how to do this like this, so we brought it an expert. We have Tara Hi who wrote into horrible in our posts. You have a youth sexpert program, right.

Yeah, So we are a nonprofit organization. We are a sex ed training program. So essentially students fourteen through eighteen can come for weekly sessions for a semester and it's comprehensive sex education and communications training so that they can learn how to become their own communities sexpert.

But this is this is outside of their school, like they have to come to a separate location for it.

So this is all digital. So we work with kids through who are all over the US.

So in our last cohort, we had students from Arizona, Florida, New York, Massachusetts.

Off the top of my head, how.

Do you kids find it?

Mostly through social media?

That's where we've seen the most succisay during our off season, when we're not in program, we do everything that we can to like advertise. So just earlier yesterday we were at youth Summit and myc got to talk to a bunch of students there, so we try to find places where students are at and tell them about the program.

To parents send their kids.

So we basically we knew that we had to either work hand in hand with schools or hand in hand with parents, and we decided to kind of go the individual famili's route, which in hindsight was a great decision because we've run into so much bullshit trying to work with schools even just to get.

The word out about programming.

But yeah, so we need parents sign off, and so our on our staff we have a parent liaison who works with students to get that parent permission because we understand that can be like a really big barrier.

Does I'm thinking, I feel like at a certain age, if you can't learn it from your parents and then you need them to sign off and they don't, your fucked.

It's crazy because that's actually I was literally scrolling somebody called me, so I missed it. I was scrolling through our comments on our solo episode actually, and it's crazy. I don't know what the conversation was, but someone literally wrote, oh, let me find it. I tried to screenshot it earlier.

Someone literally wrote.

Lol Mandy talking about black families having to talk about sex that just doesn't happen, and literally I'm just like, well, it should and we shouldn't depend on sex ed in schools because we know that that's not happening either, which is why we have a whole generation, multiple generations, people

Yeah, I definitely had a similar moment even with my parents where I feel like my parents were the best parents ever. But even in the role that I have now, I've done so many like interviews or had so many moments where I've like, Luke, you had to put them on blast and be like, y'all did not talk to me about sex.

And I know that that sucks.

For them to hear, but it's kind of the truth, and it was something that really motivated me in starting this program. So to what you were saying, we we know that, like having parent permission as a requirement is like a huge issue, and like a reason.

I don't know that, don't we didn't We all sign our parents' names like like sority.

Like baby, I know my mom is thinking much better than mine and my.

Dad stead He was like, why does twenty dollars in the checks keep coming up?

Maybe?

All I know is my mama signed. She ain't no unless I needed some money.

Yeah, when it comes to Okay, So when they're getting there, right, these kids are looking up stay on the younger side.

What is their number one one question? Can I guess? Actually?

Yeah, please go?

Can I get what you're guessing? Your number one question that children ask? Yeah, like I'm guessing number one.

Okay.

By that, I mean like I don't know top three how to get pregnant. I'm gonna say, does it hurt?

It? Does it hurt?

Does it hurt? I feel like we haven't gotten those questions.

I feel you'd be surprised teenagers by how nuanced the conversations get. Like we had one student in our last court and she kept asking these questions that I had never heard before. And I've been doing sex ed for years and years, and I remember like one question she asked. There was no answer for it on the internet. It was something about like keegel muscles and people with penises and whether that was the muscle that I don't even know something related to that, and I remember there was

Trying to source teenagers asking about a man's kegels and making a dick jump.

Yep, Oh, they ain't real advancing. That's that.

I didn't even know a dick jump till I was twenty four. It took me a while to see a nigga do a little and I like that. Now I'm not gonna lie. I had my man do a little dick jump the other day and I was like, you can.

Make your titty jump too. He went left right, And now I'm convinced.

He wait, he didn't wait, he could make his boobs like move, he just could. He like, it's just your chest, the pecks.

I'm seeing women who could do that.

Oh no, I know, but but I ain't gonna hold you. I would be he had a different light, bitch that nigga was a strip.

B He's really laughing, like, I don't know why you think that. I'm like, I see it, I feel it. You can give me really good massages.

Suddenly, Yo, Dick just could jump on a man and your titty pop's giving sex worker.

It's giving jump phone nick list dude. Okay, so, uh fourteen through eighteen. I do want to talk about teenagers, yes, but I also want to talk about younger younger, some period stuff. I think that's like the number one thing. And this is two kids, by the way, that I helped with friends. Why are why are they trusting you? Because they just like, oh, you're a sex educator. I'm like, well, I teach hold him through. You already saw what happened? What was it in Dallas?

I said that I was watching my friend kids because she had to go to work real quick, and I was like, girl, I got you, and and Chrystal was like, I need to talk to Brett because she's leaving you.

With her kids.

Like I get the ad. The kids, Oh they're like four and six, and I don't do that.

Shut up.

And then my other homegirl was mad because we was drooling over Tie Dolla signed together, and she was like, my daughter is thirteen. Can you not be sitting here talking about Tie dollar Sign and how.

She's gonna talk about it anyway. She don't talk about them anyway.

You know. Well, here's the thing. When people don't have kids and they start watching toddlers. I don't it sound like you're you'd be terrible around the kids. I think the only thing I'd be worried about is your mouth. No, no, no no. So here's the thing. It sounds like you're gonna stay and fuck to these kids. But Mandy gonna be on the phone. It was. It was perfect. So this this is the new kid era.

Shout out to the Talas and Technology iPad time and they put their headphones on and they be in the iPad. I had to do shit. I was on my laptop, they was on the iPads. It worked out what and I was like, y'all good? And then I came over with some little cake pots from Starbucks.

They loved me. It was good. I was such a judgy person about parents. I don't know if anyone else has had this moment, this listening. I would be on a plane or something. I'd be like, look at a restaurant. Look at these kids glued to the iPad. This is ridiculous. Their eyes are so focused on this. Blah blah blah. Bitch. I watched a three year old the other day for six hours.

Here, you want my portable battery butt? H uh huh, yeah no, I do think. What why I don't know how to write a curse up today? I mean listen, and they know the internet anyway, Okay, let's get back to uh.

I was a gonna say sex and kids.

I'm sorry, this is second use the sex education.

I did actually want to cut this really quick, and I know you're here so you can help us with some of this dialogue. Okay, Mandy and I had a conversation a few weeks ago about rising rates on HIV and we got a letter from a listener with a bunch of info about PREP and DOXY. And I think it's perfect because you can jump in on this. Ladies.

So it's an anti viral, right, and my understanding is both of them are in anti virals. So you want to be really careful with the medication because it's the same type of medication that's used to treat HIV if you do test positive.

At any point. So you don't want your body to become like there we can.

If you take it too much. That's yeah, that's what could happen. You have more information, yeah, sop. He also brings up He says, emphasizing again that PREP and PEP produces your risk of contracting HIV only not other SuDS and seis now doxy PEP. That's the one I gave

So just a little run and I love if there's any other healthcare providers too. I know someone reached out to me from an Atlanta clinic who actually administers it, like that's what their focus is on, and me and Cinnamon are looking to do that. So anyone who has any information about PEP prep all the things, please reach out in our email because I would love to.

Communicate with you guys. Yeah, when we can get a gilead or talk to treat on, I'll let you know I'll okay with them, all right, Vanello? Shit, So I want to talk about some of the stats you had on your Instagram. Oh, Youth Sexpert program, Americans say sex that in school did not prepare them for sex in real life. That's an eight, that's a no ship. Yeah, anybody that. I don't think anyone learned that. However, I feel like all of us in the room should talk

The only thing that I remember is for the ladies specifically is abstinence, which teaching abstinence takes it away from you learning anything the fuck else. Yeah, so it's literally, hey, don't have sex otherwise you're gonna get pregnant or die. And that's literally it. It was like, you're gonna catch a TIV or you're gonna get pregnant. You don't want to do either, so just stay away from dick. That's

No, I thought I was peeing out of my pussy.

Yeah, yeah, question. And I also thought that at something.

Well, you learned that in sex head not anatomy, because isn't that anatomy? First of all, bitch, you're asking me a lot of things. I'll say at school today, you.

Went to literally the human body, which I think is anatomy. No, but that I remember that being sex said, because we were started talking about uh where it goes blah blah blah. But I remember thinking, like, I don't pee out my pussy, but I do pe out my pus what and like, yo, it fucked me up. All I know is they damn sure, I ain't teach that a woman could take dick in the boodahle Like there was no conversation about women at all having anal sex ever. That was just that was

Yeah, we talk about We talk about everything.

How do you talk about anal sex?

The teenagers honestly, openly and honestly and prioritizing safety. We tell them, if you're using butt plugs at any point, you want to pick a toy with a base, you lots of lou breathe in and out.

WHOA Okay, so I have me and me weezy and who else was on that episode? All I know is we had a conversation where a teacher was fired for teaching children how to masturbate, and we all were talking about what is too much for a teacher to share or someone that's not the parent. So I want to ask you, yes, there's a permission slip, but do you not think that teaching teenagers about how to lube up

So as a part of that answer, I'll say that on our consent forms, we offer opt in and opt out options for each individual lesson, the hook there being that if a parent is uncomfortable with a certain topic or wants to address it in their home privately, we have thousand percent respect that.

We tell me more, what kind of stuff can you opt out from?

So we give a blurb for what each lesson includes.

So we have lessons on self pleasure, We tell parents that we're going to be talking about sex toys. We have lessons on and even like what sex worker rights look like around the world. We have lessons on, yeah, what BDSM looks like. And the parents, Yeah, the parents who do sign sign up, or at least with our last cohort, they signed, they opted in for everything.

I wonder how many I wonder how many of these parents that are opting for their children to learn all of these things are in lifestyle Because I just recently came across an article where they were questioning the psychological effects of children growing up in lifestyle homes where their parents may throw orgies or clearly their auntsy is the unicorn, and what kind of psychological effect that could have on the children that are present in the all.

But I'm sorry, go ahead, sorry, I will say.

On the other side of things, there's tons of research around how students who actually receive truly comprehensive sex education are more likely to make their sexual debut later on in life. So thinking about, yeah, how much mystery there is around sex leading to all of that curiosity, and then combine that with the lack of education, you have young people who are engaging in partnered sex, maybe at a younger age than they otherwise would and maybe aren't.

I was judging you about a few minutes ago. No no, no, no, no no, but let me that's fine, let me go.

Out right, like, yeah, it changed my mind when I realized, yes, you're right.

So at first I was like, what the fuck is she teaching kids mediasm for it? Like that was going on in my brain. However, what you just said true, My mom talked about sex so much at home. Obviously, you guys know I was fucking right. But when it comes to safety, when it came to the first time a man was aggressive with me, when it came to sex with women, like, I felt so comfortable having discussions and coming to her because I'm gonna do it anyway. Yeah, right,

Fucking now, because it's like, if you're going to go out and start exploring BDSM or looking it up on your own without.

An expert telling you, I see what you're saying, I'm go ahead.

I think that there are a lot of conversations that people are increasingly more comfortable having with young people, like conversations about consent or boundaries or barrier methods or things like that that you might see in conventional sex head I think the prob a little bit there is it's not like once you hit eighteen and you're at that age appropriate marker that they're somewhere for you to magically learn all of this. You're still picking things up as you go and still a lot of the time not

Can I ask I would love to know in terms of having these open conversations about sex. I know, as a millennial, the narrative was if you fuck a boy, he'll like you more. What is the conversation around teaching women that given the pussy up to these little boys, ain't gonna make this motherfucker like you more, ain't gonna make him treat you better, ain't gona make him give you more attention. Because I just know that that was kind of like, you know, yeah, is.

The sex said that, like because that's not necessarily sex, but you know, experience, but do you talk about it?

Yeah, we we try to talk about the social aspect of things, especially like incorporating like TikTok, and we're we're huge on social like we're really into social media our team, so we try to like, yeah, bring it to them, and we try to also like see what the conversations are that are happening on social media. I would say in regards to that in particular, I think a big part of that is like really going back to the

I would love to tell you real quick, I actually really want to know you're maybe let's just say you're in a small class of two or three people, right and fourteen and you start talking about self pleasure. You know in your brain that you're educating these kids, But is there a party that feels like, oh god, this is getting awkward or weird?

No, really, I think I also had been doing sex education for years before, and so whatever sort of oh my god, this is so weird, like why am I talking about sex in this space?

Well, pleasure, to me, though, is a harder conversation have been. That's what we had to come Yeah, that's really what I'm talking about, not you teaching kids even beds. I'm to be honest, Hey, this is bondage, this is this. These can be restrained. This is a safe word. But leasure aspect pleasure is interesting, Like when you're talking about self pleasure with teenagers, are you talking about privacy or we're talking about how to do it? Or are you just talking about why no shame around it?

What is it?

So we definitely talk about privacy, we definitely have really in depth conversations about the logistics of self pleasure. We do talk about sex twice. I remember that lesson in particular being pretty striking for me because we had an interactive activity where we were having kids connect the name of the sex toy to the toy. Every single one of our students knew every single They were like, that's a butt plug, that's a dil dough, that's a rabbit, vibrator and I was like, oh, okay, so they.

Found their parents. Bro, it's just a different time to me in my opinion. I know I'm meeting a lot of.

In shout out to some of the people in Dallas, two people said they've been listening to a side since I school.

Now.

I want to say this because in my brain I think people in their thirties and forties listen horrible. But I just had a conversation last night we man where we were like, Bro, do you remember when we had to run to the computer to figure out what something was and keep looking and waiting for some to download and watching it and looking at it. And you're pre exposed to all this, like.

All of it, even through television and the TV shows and things that are literally just on basic cable, even.

The Costay with Merrill where he's like my daughter, he said something about his daughter walking and having sex like not sorry wife, Yeah, and when it happened, he was like, she already knew what this was. Five but it does not. It's literally the stuff they're clicking on. Yeah, no, it's it's a bit crazy.

I want to I do want to go back to those basic questions that she asked, because I would like to know the answers what is sex and is it just for reproduction? Like how do you explain that to a child?

Yeah, I remember that in that lesson particularly, we use this Sexplanations video okay, where she talks about trying to find a definition herself and it being a really complicated and nuanced question. Right. Only sort of universal thing that seemed to define sex was consent and that if there wasn't consent then it wasn't I like that. But other than that, it's a pretty I.

Really like, I really like that definition. Though if there isn't consent, then it's not sex.

And it's not sex, and even and when you're having sex with yourself, like checking in and the concept of self consent and thinking through that.

But yeah, so other than that, it's pretty broad.

It's open ended. People define sex differently there. Yeah, there are so many things that can factor into arousal.

There's when I was dating a woman that we weren't really having sex and I got so you just say that ship really well, because sex to a lot of people is penis and vagina.

If it's not that, it's not so we get it. I totally understand it.

That's why I said, even when the tip one in your ass, it's anal it was there like or some.

People it might be.

To some people it might not because not like sorry, I'm not like, was it a you know what you're getting?

Fuck? Real hardness?

Like?

Oh no, I asked, right, I'm just gonnat take it. I'm also trying to think for a second, Oh is it mainly girls?

Yeah? It is mainly girls, And I.

Think we need we need more men up in there learning and consent at an early goddamn age, can't rejection. There was just a video I saw going viral that a lady was like, Yeah, if a man asks for my number, I'm gonna just give it to him because I like my life more and the block button works. And so the conversations that really need to be taught are two little boys yes and teenage boys around rejection,

Uh.

That's really unfortunate that this isn't being pushed even today for more boys to learn, especially seeing the Diddy era. The me too, Era, the Harvey Weinstein, the R Kelly, I could keep going all the names.

That's yeah, you know, that's something we think a lot about.

But even like we're trying to be strategic in our branding, we try not to use like.

It is very pain feminine colors. We tried to do like green orange.

But yeah, I mean even yesterday at summit we got to talk to like a lot of teenage boys and like that was really cool, or they.

Asked you about how to please a woman. I feel like that's all a little way one to.

Know they hadn't at that event, but I could totally anticipate that being something that happened if we actually had What are what are boys for?

The ones that are joining this program?

What are they asking? We haven't had any boys yet? What haven't had any boys yet?

It's a girl. We need to make a whole nother little up.

It needs to be the boys sex youth, Like we need to make a whole other portion for these teenage boys.

Yeah. Wow.

And I think what's crazy about it too, is with this podcast and with so many women talking about, you know, them feeling empowered to have sex out of their own pleasure. Women now saying that, go, I'm as horny as a man is. It's I believe that younger girls are seeking to educate themselves so that they can do I.

Don't know if men necessarily feel like this warm, super safe, you can talk to new space.

And I don't mean that as men are not that. I just think they aren't as vocal women are.

So what do you need? For example, one of my homeboys great an active father, and he said he saw a message where his kid was scared to talk to him. He's like, we talk all the time, and he was like, but I've never said the words you can talk to me about X y Z. He was like, I just thought being active was enough. And through that conversation, he's like, there's so many things you have to spoon feed teenager, you know, but women do that and I guess men you're just like, oh, you know, you want to be

Yeah, part, Look if we have mail board members.

And get you a part of this program to teach.

The the you men, Yeah, you'll do it.

I feel, well, what would you tell them? Would you tell.

Them, we'll tell them to eat beat you this ship?

Would you tell them to refrain to have sex and so they're in love? What would y'all say?

What would y'all teach? Is there a mic over there or no? Okay, just yeah, they said, leading Niggs out the conversation. What what would y'all What would be the number one go to that you would teach? What would you tell a young boy?

Yeah?

What do you think you needed to protection? Okay, that's all they know. I think how to wear a contract?

I think for young men in particular.

Maybe this is me speculating, but I feel like when you're growing up, there's this like formulate this is what sex is, or even like this is how your penis works, Like you get a boner, it's a there's like a physiological response. You masturbate, you orgasm, you come, whatever, and then that's it. That's done, and there's no more conversation about pleasure, about the existence of pleasure products, about the existence of lube, about the psychology behind everything about all

And it is because it's still physical, because for us, all of our arousal is happening inside and you can't really tell. I mean, you could tell when it gets wet, but even squirting, that didn't happen for me for so long.

Like you know, that's something they're learning.

Every Yes, I feel like so many people with wel of us approach like first have their orgasms at a later age because of that. Largely, Like I feel like I lived a long part of my life just ignoring the fact that I had a glitterist at all, because.

I didn't really know.

That's the one I knew.

Man in a boat at what year? At what year did you have your first orgasm?

Eighteen?

You had an orgasm at eighteen?

Yeah?

What was it? Was it with toys? Was it by yourself?

It was with a partner?

And what did he do?

He hate my pussy?

And you okay? And you came that way.

Now I think about it, I probably I ain't gonna hold you. I had some good dick when I was young, like the nigga.

That alls fuck it was good ass.

Book well, I had my first orgasm, but I had already been sexually active, saying I was already having penetrative sex and not enjoying it and not really understanding like why I did enjoy it, and thinking that something was wrong with me.

I was coming from how playing house with the girls. Oh see, I didn't orgasm there, and I did you feel the rest? So to me?

So to me probably up until penetrative sex, everything about, Like I didn't even play with myself with my fingers until I was over eighteen. I liked to rub on things, and I liked to fell the little hot, burning sensation down there, and then I liked to read books and then just feel and feel myself being wet. But I do nothing else but besides getting wet and feeling like it throbbed. That's it until I started having penetrative sex. And then I that's how I know I can come up penetrative sex.

Not really anything. Yeah, I was. I was a rambunctious like but I think I was gay first, So I think because of that, like eight nine tenth, it was never a little boy. It was always like girls in the neighborhood. Oh I did I go hold you?

I was lunching on boys and girls. Sorry, Mom, if you listen into this, all like the girlfriends that my daddy used to date day kids, we would be in the closet under the bed, we would play house. I was hunching on everybody my age.

I was coming too. I feel bad.

I mean, I wasn't like it wasn't naked, but we was hunching with the jeans and shit like that. Shit was happy. I was hunching Teddy Bears. I was hunching the edge of my bed.

I was punching your bed, the pillow, the shower.

I feel like, oh when this ower head came off.

Baby, never did power head I used to put that thing.

I never did it for me either.

But I feel like it is interesting how we all like are expected to just find it or just kind of figure it out in these like really private alone space.

But adults should be doing that. And you know what adults should be doing, well, clarifying and it should be finding it. And I think a lot of the issue with not having sex said early or conversations even is that when you become an adult and you can't have your first orgasm, it's because you're not doing that shit. I remember like knowing I needed my nipples stimulated, or just things I had to learn as I grew. I actually want to like segue into something that I changed

The way you'd be saying this whole episode is given, like, bro, just say a full sentence talk about children.

Okay, sorry from I like to play with my nipples, but speaking of children, Okay, that was really bad. I don't know, okay, Vanilla ship. This is why I want to talk about it. And it was like literally a few hours ago. So the teacher with the unbraiding of the hair in the student, my oh boy, change today. Original stance? Okay, I want to start by saying, yeah this if you haven't seen this video, I felt so

And then I thought about it. I'm like, like that video. Do you think that video is bad?

And he was like, if we had a fucking daughter and you saw a video of her taking out her teacher's hair, what the fuck is she doing in this nigga's head?

And I really was thinking, and I thought to myself, I would have been fucking living if my kid is in school, not no girls club, where ain't no curriculum going on, and you playing a growing ass man's head, nigga, cancel your appointment.

We all ship to do. Shit goes wrong. You know what time you get out of school every time? Why are these little girls doing this? Why didn't you stop them? Why am I thinking this is innocent? There should be a boundary with teachers. The shit shouldn't be that fucking cool. You can have good relationships with staff members or teachers and not sexualize. And I'm not saying he was doing anything sexual, but why the fuck is this happening. My kids should not be going to school doing any service

I really didn't think it at first, Mandy, because in my brain I always think we over sexualize things.

I agree. However, when I sat and thought about if it was my kid, I was like, yeah, and it's even as an adult. Hold on, as an adult, I think back that I used to do that for my teacher. What the fuck?

I know.

I have those moments all the time where I've realized that I was like a child and there were teachers maybe like making some weird inappropriate choke with me or whatever it might be. And I do think I'm gen z so I remember like looking up my teachers on Facebook and trying to be in their business. But I do think as the adult, it's on you to create me as.

A millennial, I think.

I feel like so with that, I feel like we definitely sexualized it. There was another teacher recently with a bald head who was getting diamonds put on his head. A principle, actually not even a teacher. The principal was getting Ryan stones put on his head. He ain't get fired. To me, I do think if that was a woman teacher, it wouldn't have been said anything.

My only issue is down the rabbit hole of going through his TikTok.

He was sexualizing some girl that it was obvious she was under age, so he was on some weirdo shit on his TikTok. But for the sticking there, I actually don't think there was anything wrong. I do think we over sexualized.

Even if it was your kid, even if it was my kid.

Well, and I guess I come from a especially seeing that it was little black girls like I grew up with a like my high school at a cosmetology school in it so like my cousin did my hair to me literally between classes, at the lunch room after school program, people are doing hair.

There's some black shit like getting get intwisted. I get it, but why is my kid doing a service for you? But that's the thing too, to see it was a group of girls. It wasn't just one girl. To me, it was a group.

My only problem was, and I've said this to a few adults, my problem was a that he put it on social media for me if I had for me, if I had a child, I don't want my little girl on no grown man's Instagram where there's probably more grown men for.

To see her.

Like to me, that would be my probably big thing with raising a little girl right now is keeping her out of the views or reach of grown men having accessibility.

I think the touching also, there needs to be a boundary with touching and I don't And maybe that's what I started to think about, like the touching is too much. But to me hair Also, I just want to say this for any men listening that may feel like we're, you know, coming down on the male teacher. I'm sorry, Mandy. I actually think women teachers when I see these clothes they be wearing. No, no, no, do you know the little doe here fucking these boys.

Every time I look up sex in the news for vanilla shit, it's another fucking teacher fucking a high school boy.

But I'm telling you, people are totally predatory both ways. Every time I see one of the BBL teachers, and I'm not trying to be funny, I'm I'm not you calling them a BBL. There are BBL teachers that fucking be like, is this wrong? It's my body. What are you fucking talking about, bitch, Like, yes, you're not going to the club. You don't need to. Fucking we see the belt on the goddamn last whole stop it. Like, I'm sorry, fit girls being ostracized for wearing the same

Because I'm gonna tell you right now, there was this motherfucking teacher that was the pe coach in high school. He was about twenty three years old. Baby, he was fine when I say fine, or.

That's what I'm saying.

So the way you're talking, because okay, there's bodies, there's things like so, then should a fine ass nigga not be a teacher either.

That you got twent thirteen, fourteen year old fourteen and you wearing these tight ass fucking dresses that are sexy enough to make a fucking TikTok okay, but now these little boys are over sexualizing you. But we over here thinking that it's just the man okay, six or four with basketball shorts and a white beater on my motherfucking pea, And I did want to. I wanted to suck his fight.

It doesn't I'm saying, when you're crushertaine yes, but I'm not talking about attractive people.

I'm talking about inappropriate it's with the outfits. I'm tired of fucking acting like Bro. I'm not trying to be no maga bitch, but I'm sorry. I'm a like on some real shit. I'm the girl who is out here saying, fuck whoever you want fucking have three husbands, three wives, being an open relationship. But I'm an adult and why the fuck are we crossing this goddamn line with kids? And I really think these bitches on TikTok with this

Well, Okay, I think on one hand, there's like a lot to be said about like the sexualization of certain clothing pieces generally, or just our bodies as a whole. But I also think to what you're saying, like and also to the incident with the hair, Like, schools are still a workplace for teachers, So there are certain workplace norms that you wouldn't break in a workplace with adults. So why are we so comfortable breaking them around children?

Oh that's a great way.

I actually really fuck with it because I would not. I didn't think take my hair out in front of people that work. They would think of your motherfucker hair out. Work is secret home. It does this work.

You don't take your hair on the motherfucker podcast. So bitch, it's it's a work environment. Anyway, let us get this.

Fucking bitch. Okay, you were talking about semen and prostate fluid on your page.

Yeah, I.

Like Louis, Yeah, tell me a little bit about that.

Yeah, what were we talking about in terms of Stephen and prostate fluid?

I think just that they're different and that there are tons of enzymes that work towards the evolutionary goal of getting the sperm to the egg. But when we do go over the anatomy of the penis and of the volva, just all anatomy, point blank period. We really try to approach it, not in the way that schools might necessarily

Threat? There wasn't a lot of that.

So in addition to talking about the sorts of anatomy that you're more likely to get in school, we also try to talk about the clitteral your rethroll network, and we try to talk about homologous sex organs how like we're all pretty much the same and he penis penis exactly, So that's like pretty much where we start.

Can I ask you how your boodhle get aroused? Because sometimes my boodahle do just be a little juicy, but like it's like whoa why is a juicy? Like my pussy, yes, gets wet, but sometimes my boot my bussy get wait too, you will know if I actually have an answer.

You don't know about how the bussy get wet.

No, but I can't tell you that I have experienced the same thing.

Oh so that's what I want you to do the research.

Okay, I'll come back.

No, no, no, no no, it's not a leaky but but like while I'm aroused, like like the last time I had antal sex, baby, we didn't even use lube.

I was really aroused. Let me let it down there. Why do my boot why do my boot atal cavity? Ain'tal cavity? Is crazy? No, because that's why does my anis get wet? What is that being telling me? Nigga? We can't wait for him to Okay, why talk about it? Rectal discharge?

It is?

It is clear what it ain't sweat. I don't like that you're picking out automatic bitches. Got I b s.

I don't know what I've met like excited, That's what I'm saying.

Let me see I'm trying to do. What are you asking now?

Why why does my anal where? What is anal lubrication? How does it now show you lube. Well, these bitches, when's a sex educator analyze that whole got a little something and expert.

Apparently that's what we call us. You bitch is a sweating and your wet butt is being don't is running down? No, no, no no, I ain't gonna hold you.

I felt it just at my boodole, like I like, go back down like a little a little turned on, little boy, be a little turned on away I can't yeah.

A little okay, you have come on.

Your booty be going to.

Well maybe right.

Apparently what happens is that like you get hot and your heart speeds up, sweat, so you get out of your heart speeds up.

This is what ed and just said. You get hot, your heart speeds up. So again confirmed, you bitches be sweating in the butt.

Yeah, that's what I'm like.

That gotta going like a cur I felt like I was arousing my bootohole like my was like, bitch, we were playing tonight. That's what I thought it meant. But my acbond, I don't know how my budohobies with anyway, though, bitch and I got a real acy.

Okay.

Shout out to the ones who knows I ain't got a window you did know more, that means in the suburbs, horrible decision.

This week is all about talking to younger kids about sex, helping these parents with that. Maybe that first conversation, pep your penis? Okay, what is the age that is appropriate to talk about sex, not the body sex, partnered sex.

Yes, I would say that there's a difference between the conversation around here's what partnered sex is, versus the conversation around I'm preparing you for the fact that you might have partnered sex in the very near future.

Okay, Because it could be a conversation of like where did I come from?

Yeah, it could be yeah, conversation around how babies are made, a conversation around what certain body parts.

Do and what age is that you think appropriate.

Honestly, from some things I've read, it can be around like the five years old I was gonna guess, I was gonna guess fu Oh my gosh, I'm forgetting the name. There's this really good guide around like how what what aspects of the conversation should be happening at what age? So it's like zero to two, you can start introducing that certain body parts exist or you know, two to four. If you notice that a child is engaging in self stimulation, which really does start around age two, you can encourage.

Self stimulation starts at the age at age.

Two, yeah, and often peaks around age five and then goes plummets right back down a lot of the time, and largely because parents discourage it and just say stop touching yourself, stop doing that.

You know, but what are you supposed to do? Because I would say stop? I feel like what you would say stop, Because.

I've seen a little kid, like a family friend, like one of those events whatever, like just doing it around everybody and we were all like stop, right, But I don't know if that puts something in his head or maybe like what are you supposed to do?

Tell him to go in the bathroom and do it.

I feel like the conversation now in like sex positive parenting spaces has been to like stress the value of like privacy, like that you are entitled to explore and understand your own body to whatever extent you want.

But that's something that happens in the privacy of your bedroom or wherever. I guess we're like in a real sensitive era. I want both of y'all's opinions on your thoughts or what you would do. So I have a friend whose son is potty training right now and went to daycare and amidst potty training, he's taking his clothes off, because you're potty training at all at daycare is taking his clothes off, so playing in the toilet, taking his

And so the little boy got.

Suspended and the mom is completely upset because she's like yes, So the mom yes, and their kids got suspected yes, and the mom is completely upset because she's like, they're potty training, and why are you sexualizing my son?

I don't understand why my kid would get kicked out? What do you what do you want me to tell them?

If they're potty training, where do they do it at that the little girl saw it. He's taking his clothes off like he's made but aren't they.

When I was in preschool, we had like shared, yeah, you have shared boys and girls.

Like, so the boys and the girls right now are potty training, and I guess this is his first time. You're not wearing diapers, you're getting used to wearing pants like actual drawls. You have to wear clothes that are easily to come on and off, and he's just like walking around three.

There's also a lot of child psychology around how like people at that young children at that age do want to be naked more often, and like that's sort of a really big part of the conversation that you're supposed to have when you have a child at that age, which is your clothes are meant to stay on when you're in public, and that there are certain specific private places where they might be removed, like when an adult might be helping you take a bath, or when you're at the doctors or whatever.

Well, I think that that's the thing too, right, The conversations is not being had with little boys. But of course little girls are like if anyone touches you, if you see a dick, like they're not supposed to even look at dick's They're not supposed to know what a dick looks. Like, like, you know what I mean, Like, let's be very clear. I saw my mom and naked as fuck growing up. I ain't never seen my dad in naked. Yeah, yeah, but hold on just a caveat.

Men.

Little boys are seeing their dad naked. Oh okay, but that's what I'm saying. Women are shilling others. Yeah it's the same. Yeah, women are fuilded from penises. Yeah, brothers, that's a good point.

You're older brothers and so y'all are both like that's ridiculous that the little Oh that's absolutely not okay.

I'm actually trying to think, like did he did? They keep telling him? Non he Maybe he ran out, like you're.

Telling me, because that's no teaching moment. That's a moment where the conversation is actually being brought up for you. So it's a really easy entry point for any paper.

Like unless he tried to make her touch him, that that's a whole different thing, and that did not happen. He was just like, use the bathroom and just walked out the bathroom with no pants on. But how also, when you suspend a little kid, do you, then it's hard to course correct because their brains are.

Like this right, And that's the thing. They don't know that what they're doing is wrong because they don't see it as wrong.

And what is punishing that kid really doing for anybody?

Like, I mean, I think though that that's the other thing with the conversations between adults and children is the fact that we go in sexual life damn near everything everything. Like I was sexualized really early because I had hypso thighs. The adults just thought a bit was best this book out here hopping on and off Dix, and I'm was like, I don't even like tongue. Why are you putting that on this hoe or that I'm best because of my body or how.

Things fit me? When baby, I don't even want a nigga's tongue in my mouth. Let me ask you. So, okay, I'm ready, I'm five, mommy, where do babies come from?

Oh my gosh, this is see I don't have five year olds, so this is also going to be a little tricky for me. But I would say to approach the conversation just being honest about the fact. No, do it in your voice, do it okay, okay, okay, okay. When people are older, they engage in something called sex. That is when a penis goes in a vagina and the result is a baby, and the baby grows inside the mommy's stomach and then comes out of the vagina. See, I feel like I just struggled through.

I'm horrible.

But I'm thirteen and I have a boyfriend, and I really, I really I'm I'm thirteen.

I have a boyfriend I really like, and we saw this movie and he wants to he wants to try it, he wants to have sex with me.

What is the conversation?

Mmmm?

Okay, I think because.

Thirteen bitches is starting to be inquisitive and fuck or their boyfriends are fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, So how do you how do you talk to me as a thirteen year old saying I think I want to, you know, try something with my boyfriend.

If it's my child, I feel like there's like a little bit more room to sort of instill my own morals and just life experiences and to say, I would not recommend that this is something that you engage in at this age, but if this is something that you're going to engage in or even in the future, than your future whatever it might be, these are the things you need to consider. You need to consider what barrier

Okay, I'm gonna tell him yes, and he's buying the condoms.

Again, Personally, if you're my child, I would encourage you to hold off and think about it, because there are a lot of things both emotional and like physical safety wise, that come along with engaging in sex, like the possibility of pregnancy, but also yeah, like the emotions that can come and be a play.

Can you talk more about that for parents with teenage kids, like when they're telling their kids about emotions that at thirteen year old can understand, what would you be saying?

Yeah, sex I think means so such vastly different things to different people, I think, even at an early age. But it's good to understand like the societal norms that we have in place now, which are that there is a lot of attachment correlated with sex, and so thinking about what like the expectations might be after you engage in sex for the first time, Like does this person think that that means that you're gonna be in a relationship?

Is that something that you want?

Do you feel comfortable talking to this person about yeah, feeling safe in that moment or feeling unsafe in that moment. Feeling comfortable in that moment or uncomfortable in that moment. I think, yeah, they're just like a lot of factors at play.

There is because once we have sex one time, Mommy, we're probably gonna do it again. Yeah, you know what I mean. But that's what I'm saying.

Like, so those are conversations I wish I had with like I wish I had with anybody. There was nobody to have those conversations with except for my homegirls and a lot of my homegirls in my teenage years. They had all had sex like before I did, so I felt like I could rely on them. But goddamn is the blind leading the goddamn blinde?

You know? I mean that's yeah, That's kind of the idea behind our program is we wanted to feel a bit less like the blind lading the blind.

But I definitely think, gosh, there's something I was gonna say. I just blinked.

Wait, I can give you something else that I'm curious about. So when uh, okay, we're at five, right, let's just say from what you've heard. I want to maybe more so talk about because I just brought up my friends kids. What is it seeming like and where is it seeming like children are learning about sex most and what adults in their life are they coming to to talk about it.

I would say that it seems like a lot of the conversations about sex are from peer to peer interactions and through social media. I think even just on our TikTok, we definitely ended up on a side of TikTok that had a lot of younger people just posting things, and it seemed to be a lot of conversations about really like slutshavy conversations is why I noticed a And also we heard a lot of reports of from our students, and I definitely remember feeling like that to an extent

What about when it comes to maybe they're watching movies or television and talking about threesomes? Have you had kids ask you about threesimes in group sex?

We actually haven't had kids ask us explicitly about three simes.

Fact that a lot of teenagers are as well experimenting with drugs and alcohol and they don't know what their level, what their tolerance levels are, and then they're still engaging in sex or you know.

Also, I feel like if the approach to learning about sex is through mainstream porn, and there's a lot of violence that can take place in mainstream porn or just aggression generally, that that can be somewhat scary within itself.

Well, yeah, that's what you thinks. Think they got a jet rabbit a bit all right? Not how to do that's now adult advice. Let's get onto the whole mail home mail. Hi the way one moment, Oh, y'all, motherfucker sent us in some homemail. It's a little it's a little scarce somebody are in the emails horrible decisions that Gmail you goddamn.

Home mails or whole confessions, any questions that you have regarding sex, dating relationships on over to horrible decisions at gmail dot com.

Holemail in the subject line really helps us de weed it out. And also if you send it in the DMS, it gets lost. Okay, So hi, guys, love your show. It took me a while to write this. About two years ago, I went out drinking alone because I was sad about a guy I was seeing. It came out. He came out and told me that he got a girl pregnant. So while I was there at the bar, I met this guy let's call him A. We start talking and drinking and I ended up going home with him.

You were weird for that.

I ran into him again at the neighborhood gas station. He was trying to feel me up. I told him to get away from me or I'm gonna cause the scene. Never talk to him again. Sadly, About a month or so later, he got killed outside the bar. I met a match.

He's, oh my god, why I was not ready for deending. That is not the last, like I'm just gonna Was there a question there, nigga? I mean, I would say that is the end of the let There is a thing. There is a way to dissect this, lady.

I want I want to dissect it a little.

I want to dissect a little bit. There's a lot of parts. I want to start with the nipple play. We gotta we got nipple. Get that in the clip next and peace.

Nipple play for.

A lot of men is a thing, and I hate that that's being I told him he is gay, especially a woman. For you to throw it in their face that it's gay as ship, it's not. He was terrible during sex, but that doesn't mean you gotta call him gay. He's an asshole.

Like biological there are just nerves.

Literally, and they feel good.

I love a man and tell me they like a little nipple play, I'll be up on that thing, like, well, we know, if you like butt, honey, shut a nipple won't stop. I have a few thoughts actually, so one, by the way, this is not to blame you, but when he was saying.

That, like he was in his own role play. Ye, And you can tell from reading this like he was playing a game that you didn't like or that you didn't know you were playing. I think you did a good job by stopping him.

Yeah, so shout out to you for that, because a lot of people might have finished and hated themselves after.

But for people listening, I played this game, so have I girl. I was literally a last night talking to a nigga too long and I was getting fucked Like, bitch, was wrong with you? I don't know, but not everybody likes that first time sex. I don't really like shit like that. I think that, uh, what happened to you. I don't know if you necessarily got bet up during sex. I think that aggressiveness is truthfully, what men think women like.

Oh god, it'sn't interesting, because I feel like my first thought was that it seemed like this guy was really in his own world, a little bright and like not considering what would make the other person comfortable or uncomfortable.

Men. Dude, like, to me, when you said did you get beat up during sex? To me, that's not really assault. And he stopped when you wanted to stop. That to me is a big I mean, I think also the fact that.

She alluded that she was talking shit that whole week and he literally responded, oh, you was talking shit and I told you I was gonna show you. Like to me, maybe you were being you know, maybe he thought you were a part of the game, like maybe you were talking shit or nagging him on and he was like, oh yeah, bitch, I'm gonna show you when.

We you know what I mean, And especially visibility where he thought he was being playful. But then there's also that possibility where he was just saying whatever was going to turn him on in that moment and just did not care about that.

I think the fact make you feel I think the fact that the dick was also massive. I don't think niggas would big dicks all the time. Know that a you have to work extra hard to make sure we're aroused and wet because otherwise it's fucking painful, especially like if a woman just I mean, I know, I mean, damn near are all of my friends including me now I have fucking fibroids, And she said that her fibroids and where they're sitting is what causes her to have

Cervical simulation.

I feel like for people who do find it enjoyable, at least from what I've heard from people who I know or people who just DM me or whatever, like at least the first time or first couple of times, it's really not.

That Oh I hate the first time with a big dick. The first round is not fucking fun.

I like that you discussed it as cervical sip simulation, because I've definitely talked about like, obviously I know what cervix is.

When I was talking about Homegirls Bush, I'll be like, bitch, I don't really like when they hit that wall too hard, but it's literally your cervix. She's also so what you just mentioned about friends having fibraides. I have a friend with stage four endo that demetriosis. When she has sex, if the penetration is too hard, she literally throws up Jesus and she's like, bro, I cannot wait to get over this phase of my life. And it is I'd

Think about that all the time because I think, I mean, not even to just go back to what we were talking about earlier. But in thinking about like how I grew up and feeling like something was wrong with me from not orgasmic, from penetrative sex. I think about people who have daspruna or have vagins. Miss what's ds brunia? Disprunia is just like all the term for painful sex. So imagine as mister, it could be have you no

Okay, that sounds like.

This parunia where some people will say deep thisspruna, which I think is.

Just I like deep. I like deep deep this parnia. You know what's crazy?

Though, I'm one of those where pain is pleasure sometimes, Like there's some dicks where I just be like, God, damn, I want this nigga like might different that's getting stretched out? No, no, no, no no, I like I like pain, not because I'm gonna take a big dick. And then I like psychologically knowing I'm taking this big dick now literally be like nobody else takes this dick like this.

Huh, Like that's that's a role playing my own Hey man, you go, I want everyone to see this just now you said she'd be in pain just to know anybody else, Hey, nobody else dick like this? Hunh that's like artist.

Oh, I love Its a lot of sense to me. That like sought process. I feel like I love it, and I'll be like, I'm gonna take it because I know, bitch this thing. I know bitches ain't taking the ship, but I'm gonna take this ship, you know what I mean?

That be me.

The biggest dick I ever had was my first real boyfriend, the Latino dude I always talk about from Orlando, and I remember thinking one day because he had a brother and the brother's gay, and we had this moment where me and the brother's husband were like, I was like, yo, he got a big dig too, and we started gagging like they don't brothers don't be having they're gagging. The brothers din't even bought them anymore, Like we'reler laughing, right Jesus.

Wait, do y'all dicks grow bigger after y'all graduate high school. Really, Oh, there's one nigga I'm scared.

Said you grow?

No what really?

But okay, okay, okay.

David Ede said they.

If you fu him in high school. There's one nigga I used to call patty cake boy.

Oh boy. And I don't want to see that dick. That dick was you.

We was fucking when I was in high school. That niggas dick was messed. I wouldn't even want to see it now as an adult.

Here grow man, now, I wouldn't even want to see that dick. That dick was big.

Your clitorist keeps growing as you age, too.

That's true. We pauls.

I was like, I might have to do a little research. I think I'm gonna have to look back at my videos from twenty.

On my.

On a raiser of my pussy, I was like, pussy look a little different now. It's still in any pussy, but the pussy shatter. It's weird because it's been getting it's been getting work. Beget work, girl, I don't know wat shit real?

Like, no, Lie, it really like it's fatter and like I look at like the shape of my voina and it went from like skinny, little bitty pussy like a little something.

It's the same way balls go from uphill to down. Now it's just this week, cud now too, because anything.

Like I got just Sarah, let everyone know where they could follow you, support you, and where they could possibly have their children sign up for your youth program.

Okay, we are www dot the Youth Sexpert Program dot org. We are at the Youth Sexpert Program with a three in the word sex on Instagram and TikTok. We're on LinkedIn Facebook. My personal Instagram is your ex girlfriend Tara. But yeah, that's about it.

Yeah, signing kids up is it free?

It is one hundred percent free, girl, nonprofits grandsis But I'm just like.

But yeah, no, it's hundred percent free. We've been able to give students some community service hours in the past that we're totally down to sign off on, like any internship papers or something you need to sign for school. But yeah, we're also totally down to talk to parents and try to like make our program more approachable in

And this is a year long program, so it is as long so okay.

Our cohorts happen in the fall semester okay, and right before Christmas break and then we have an ext cohort.

So as of right now, over the summertime, the parents can start to look up the program and what's available.

Yeah for a sign up in the fon.

Yeah, our student oplications are open now and we sent our parent outreach around August perfect well.

Thank you Tarah so much for doing this.

Was fun, even though I usually say Tara's particular what I say, I'm think and Tara Reid all right, talk what twer bank, terror bank?

It's someone I'll go check us out on Patreon and it's still the kids. Sorry, even though we here for the kid I can't but.

Patreon dot com backslash horrible decisions for all the boaters cuts it and this has been yet another episode of horrible decisions. Behind the paywall is such a nice place to talk about yourself because o YouTube, they'd be like again, y'all running a long time, y'all can something different?

The bank that's my that's what the I see.

I'm trying to think, Well, when's the last time I cried? The last time I cried was on Patreon when I was going through it. I got damn bullshit with da bitch. I can talk about something emo.

I know you could be a chemo. So BT weekend came, my boyfriend came to LA and I don't really talk about my dad too much because for me, I don't like to really talk about his health and you know, he's getting older. But I was so emotional because he met my dad, and my dad was just having a hard day. You know, older people like they got a good day, they got a bad day. So he just

We all just played games together. It was nice, like we were enjoying each other's company.

We hadn't really talked about it. I just told him how much it meant to me. Last night we were on a double date. He said, we talked to a couple that just got We just went to their wedding. It was Gila. Y'all always hear me talk about the other Gila. So basically we talked about each other's parents and he was like, yeah, I just got to meet her dad, and it was so nice to see how that side of her is. Like I see her mom and her but I was glad to see her dad, Like I see the more serious side.

I see this protector energy that she has. I'm like, my dad didn't even really talk, so how did you see all that? Like all we did is play a game. He didn't really say much to you. He was like, because I could see it the way you and.

Your mom would move around. He would want to look watch where you're going, to make sure you're good. Even if you can't open the door. It's always there, Like his masculinity is always there. And I was like, damn, bro, Like I don't know if it's just dating someone that's a little more empathetic or what. But like, I never had conversations like this outside of scissors about my parents or how things make me feel. Like all day was very surface level.

And I it's a lot of men are, and especially black man. It just doesn't hit you until it hits you when you have something different. And like, I'm watching him and I don't want to start crying and.

At this table we're having like this fun dinner, but I was like he was thinking all that, and he said, then I wondered. There were a few moments where I was like thinking of how he looked at me and he's not even saying this to me. He's saying this to Gils has me.

He's like I can watch him look at me with his daughter and like he used to be this protector and I'm like the new one now for her.

And it's like this weird moment I'm having and I'm like, what because he told me none of this and he's really thinking about it, and he's like and it made me wonder how he feels like you should be, you know, going and drilling your daughter's new man and figuring all this shit and he's like, but maybe he can't do that because he's in a wheelchair, but because he can't move around on his own, like maybe he's feeling a way. And I was like, bro, it was just getting me

He's like, no, baby, I'm wearing my fucking tabby booths, Like do your thing, like we dressed a lot.

We're sitting at his whole table.

His dad.

Everybody got African council. This is his dad.

He got up there, he's like making a speech and I'm sitting there like, oh my god.

They think I'm Puerto Rican and they think that I'm the woman that made you wear a fucking regular suit. Like that's all I could think is that I'm this influence, you know. And then I'm also feeling this pressure because he's been around my mom a lot, right because we're going to LA for a week at a time, and you know, my mom's right there, and I'm just like, am I not doing enough? Like how do I make

But what hit me?

I'm at this wedding where he introduced me to fifteen uncles, ten cousins, you know Africans.

Family for family's cousin so you just called a segment from our bonus content.

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