Guess what decision we're about to make.
Horrible decision.
May the fifth, we are pulling.
Up to London, y'all's the day you need to block out in your calendar. It's on a Sunday, So London surrounding areas, all the black people that live in.
Europe, wherever you at, it's your chance. That's right.
We're super excited to be bringing the last portion of the Climax tour to London. If you came to our show last year, this will be a completely different show.
Wilder, more fun. Well, I did get on top of the couple and do the sixth.
And there was a woman who stapled money to her cheek and started bleeding.
But we gotta step it up to London.
We're gonna step it up, So head on over to hohorhive dot com and get your tickets now. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Horrible Decisions. Sorry, I have to work on I have a day later. Anyway, I'm your girl man aka. They had the sagon AKA deb the first thing. I mean just no, I am down to sick on the first day. So are you really If the vibe is there, yeah, you.
Go through so many phases. I mean bitch I because let us play back. You're ready a few months ago?
Ready, like I am you ready? Yeah? Who I am today is not who I was yesterday?
Who beat the bar?
No?
Hello, going to introduces.
No, it's not I'm weazy many four And we have two guests in the building with us.
It was almost one.
It was.
Lovely ladies in the building.
That's right, y'all.
We have Daniell Aquarda and Dominique Sova I met last summer because they are also the stars, well two of the four stars right of Cocomo City, which is a fabulous, fabulous, fabulous But I'll be trying to these veneers be taking this of Cocomo City, which is a documentary of the lives of four black trans sex workers and just their lives.
They have a lot of other i would say supporting.
Uh people that are a part of the documentary as well, like some of the partners, someone in the industry who shares their relationship.
But it's just it's just get.
I've been really excited to see this doc by the way, because and it's just done from high level, like because my favorite documentary is to watch when I was younger and I don't even know what you can call it was docuseries was I don't know if you remember Hookers at the Point on HBO, but it always showed people super strung out and it was like really gritty and grimy, and it was kind of like, okay, cool, but you don't necessarily look at sex work as something that people
enjoy doing. It's like a really low brown light onto sex work and it kind of pushes out and think like, you don't want to live your life like this.
And obviously there's a dark side to sex work, as we both know.
But when I saw your dark and again, I didn't watch the whole thing, but I was like, oh, this is.
Done shot in black and white by a and also a black woman, d Smith. I would love to talk to you guys a little bit about what that is in terms of being a part of it and why why you chose to be a part of Cocoono City.
No, for sure, I haven't seen hookers on Point, but I used to be one of the hookers on the Point no check out.
But you know, they only showed like drug addicts. They very rarely show your lea. Yeah, okay, it was dark.
Yeah, I didn't see. I didn't do drugs or know about that. Then what was the point by the way on hookers on the point?
Yeah? What is the point where area is?
Yeah?
Damn, I used to go to jazz Jazz Bitch's point. They got all the shop.
And when I lived in park Chester, Okay, on the blot, I think I was Erica then okay.
At the point Okay.
So being a part of Cocomo City, why why tell your story the way you did, Dominique? Y'all could go back and forth because I know that y'all may have different reasons.
I feel like Cocomo City was a chance for me to be honest about my story and about my forced survival or sex work that I had to do to make a living and be a part of society and keep a roof over my head. It was finally a chance to take away the shame of you know, doing what you have to do to survive when you don't have many resources to help you out and you have to get creative at the end of the day, you know what I mean, And a lot of people put
shame on that. But then the same people that try to put shame on it are not the people that are extending resources or trying to help or anything. So you get to a point that you're like, you know what, fuck this shit, this is what I had to do. This is who I am, and you're gonna take it
or you leave it. And it also gives other people power to live in their truth because a lot of people are not living in their truth, And if I can do anything to help someone else live in their tooth or find their path or something, then I feel like I did something right.
And Danielle, if.
I'm not mistaken, you spoke about that in the dock where it was like that there's actually sometimes trouble finding work just because you're a transpoman. No, of course, and so it is a survival because this is how you
have to make money to survive. And I think it's just a conversation like for me that at that point in my life, it needed to happen the way that it happened in like this very unapologetic way, because I know, like for me, it was like I had like ten years of actually being in the industry, being a part of community, doing a number of different initiatives, and so every year here I am like going to these celebrity events, and a lot of people didn't know that I was
still surviving, right because along the way, it's like, I have a daddy that can sustain the imposter syndrome right of me being able to show up just to exists for them.
So what do you mean you have a daddy, a sugar daddy. Oh yeah, no, I couldn't just do a client.
That was.
I was like, you can't do a ted talk and do clients like the regular way, bitch. You were like that because that way of life, that part, and it was well, I think that's why.
I acted like I never did sex work until I started to learn like a sugar daddy.
Yeah, no, daddy and the name A couple of daddy's got the girls through and even a woman at one point.
But hello, trust I say sponsor.
You know, well, I was in relationships and got rings from some of these individuals, so I have to say daddy's.
I guess.
Something really curious about Do you think that there's a stigma of black trans women being synonymous with sex work because it's so hard for black trans women.
To find y'all, just trans women in general, because they're so discriminated again. So for example, I've worked in the normal work first, and I had a job and I was trying to make a normal living. I came out of sex work and one guy, frustrated that he was into me and I didn't want to give them the time of day, ended up taking my advertisement that I had an old advertisement from the magazine now to my
job and showed everybody at my job. So then the next time I went to work, everybody was looking at me strange and they're looking at my crotch and they're like and they're treating me different. So it's like these things like we tried to integrate a society and they see there that then what my boss made it horrible for me. There's sexual advances that you can take. The treatment is not fair, the schedule is not fair. Like everything changes once people know that you're trends, which is
really sad. So therefore what does the girl to do? You know what I mean, You're being fetishized because the men are coming and they're getting their rocks off of you. They're selling you a dream, they're leaving you high end. There's no exchange. At the end of the day, you feel like so empty. So you're like, Okay, listen, I have this that people want. You know what I mean, I'm going to use this to survive.
I have to.
This is what I have, This is all I have that this is what I'm going to use and claim my power to survive at the end of the day and make it an exchange. But with that comes, you know, psychological trouble, and you know from many years of doing sex work. Now I'm in therapy trying to unpack all of these things that I've seen, that I've experienced that I've lived. So I mean, this is what this is
our path, which is really sad for us. I've been a trans woman for twenty eight years, and every person trans person that I know has had to be in this path at one point of the other. I don't care how famous they are now. Before ever, they have had to pass this path because that's the only path that was made accessible for us to survive.
How old are about it, I'm curious because twenty eight years I'm looking at you, I'm like.
I know, she looked the fuck good.
Yeah, We're not supposed to ask a woman their age, honey.
I'm just happy to say I am forty five and alive. I know that, Okay, amazing, I'm forty five and alive, and I'm proud to say that every day because a lot of girls that I came out with cannot be sitting here today to say that.
And what about you, well, if you actually are we saying in transis actual?
I feel pre historic.
I've been through, but I guess in human every day years. I'm twenty nine getting ready to turn thirty.
When meeting a trans woman that is, you know, got ten years on you or whatever? Did you find that did your relationship grow within the documentary? Did you know each other before? Like what's your relationship together?
So okay, so I came out fairly young, so I had a couple mothers along the way, But I think what I didn't have was like these very like clear examples that was accessible to me in terms of what I wanted to be and so like around that time, I would say, like when coming out, I like met Jane and Monk and like Laverne was my mentor, and so you know, I had what they would say is the pinnacle of the representation of a black trans woman, specifically a media. But then I will never forget right,
so she knows I always tell this story. And we was at Del Frisco's, right, and so I've always been I guess that young queen that older queens kind of lived for because I know how to get my pieces and my coins to sit at the table with them.
You don't need the sponsor for.
Oh, I brought the sponsor with me, so they knew that she had something in her head. But I remember we were all at Del Frisco's, and I saw her at the dinner table and a couple of girls didn't have their pieces for the check, right, so they came and they ordered, but they didn't have the funds. And so she's sitting there in this beautiful blue gown. And when I tell you she was clear the table, No,
she was clearing it. And I was like, okay, I want to grow up and be like that, because the way she cleared the table, she cleared in the dock lay down clearence.
What does wearing means?
No?
Okay?
So that's why women listening they're like, what what do you mean?
Okay?
So clearness when you get a person together, like when you gather them like for not having funds for their being crooked, coming to your house without the money on the dresser, like all of those things is clearing your person.
And no, now you did this at Dale first cup.
Yeah, so it was like a birthday party. My girlfriend invited me. I came. You know, it's like all these trans women. I'm like, yes, sisters, whatever. But then you know, the check came and then everybody was like turning there birthday, no more girl. And then I met her and I'm like, wow, she's like so beautiful. She's young, she's youthful, she has dry.
She has money.
She was reading.
She was reading, but she had to pay one hundred and fifty for a short cocktail because girls didn't want to pay their bill. And she was like, oh, I can't believe. And I was like I fuck with her.
No, because they were all older than me. So the map, like they said, the math is not math time.
You want to come back to this place.
You can't be embarrassed, right, So fast forward, like we do the movie. We're doing the movie like de films us and everything. She keeps it under wraps. She doesn't tell us until when we're going to Sundance and she's like, oh, you know Danielle is in the movie and.
I'm like, wait, whoa And I immediately called.
Her up like this, we ain't talk about city.
Where is Cocomo citing?
So is that a real city? It's there is a city. There's Indiana.
Okay, Oh, look, because you've been.
If you guys actually look into it, it's a city that was reference in a song, like an old.
School song, way down in Coca. You make a sum up, but it's a oh that's a real Bermuda.
Was not mentioned in that song.
Yes, it was in Bermuda, but he says way down, don't don't say that.
I don't know. I know it's about Crocomo And.
Okay, Coco City is a song from what the sixties or seven it was. I thought it was like news by Cocomo Arnold, right, Yeah, maybe they need to tell this part Mandy research. I talked about it when I interviewed the six months ago.
What it was long talk.
About old Okay, so that that man specifically actually had songs where he talked about his love for trans women. And this is forty fifty years ago, when, of course you don't hear right, you know that in song?
So I want to take it somewhere else, because I'm really curious. We hear a conversation within the LGBTQ community about gay men hating being the gay bestie. Now we already know men fantasize the shit out of trans women. What do women do? The dries trans women crazy?
Ooh good?
Like is there something that you feel like they're taking or maybe they like having a ticker like I've got my transfriend? Or what is it that you see women do that they may not know as offensive?
I mean just the thought that because we're trans women, that means we want to have kids, deadbeat baby daddies, periods, crams, gagging, all the things that since women are going through, Like I honestly don't want to sign up for that, like looking in my truth don't come with all that, right, So it's like even comparing our womanhood, right because like the way that I got like excuse me, the way that my womanhood and what that experience looks like for me,
it's very different. But I also know that there's commonalities within our experience, right, Like I have Taytaylin and me to leave your house to come lay up with me, So we's both dealing with an ancient But what we don't realize in that moment is that we have the same battles the right, like patriarchy, misogyny. But for some reason you want to compare your womanhood and your journey
and if you are forever shut out to you. But just like what I know is like it doesn't matter where your womanhood is in terms of your ability to have a child or not. It's about what we know we're carrying, which is a lot of men on our backs and the bullshit that come with them.
Tell me, I feel the thing that I don't like about what CI shinder women do. They feel like they need to intervene with relations between trans women or homosexuality whatever to try to make themselves the snitch or the person that knows everything and oh you know, oh that's the gay guy or you know that's a trans woman. Like I don't know why you're talking to them.
I don't know.
Like people find that women are the ones who are we're not the word exposing.
What it is is they create shame for the men. Okay, and we know that understand the men, and then the men creates frustration inside of them. So what happens they've turned to react violence on us. But I feel like and this is the chain of reactions of effects. If women didn't care and like us, I can say sleep for myself. I don't care who's sleeping with too. As long as you're straight with yourself and you are honest
with who you're sleeping with. I'm okay with that. Okay, I'm not out here trying to control who's sleeping with who. I don't care. That's not what moves my world. But if you come into my world, I do want to know who you're sleeping with. So I have to protect myself and then we take it from there. But women choose to want to be Oh, you know, let me go out. You're in the club and you're talking to
a guy. Oh, I have to tell this guy that that's a trans woman so I can fill one up and have a bond with this person because I know something that they don't.
And we have to stop this people.
We just need to let people be who they are however they feel. It's not bothering you, okay. And we need to worry about what's going on in our own house instead of what's going on in anybody else's house. And including in between their legs period.
You were about to say, you said, I feel like, so were you disagreeing for a second.
Only because I feel like to a certain extent where I don't think that they always like, I think it's unintentional sometimes when it comes to like how they out us, because I think for some cis gender women, they feel that they're protecting their friends, right, and so it's like, oh, because I feel right that what my friend has said to me is that he's a heterosexual man. They don't view trans women as women. They see that as like
a homosexual act or behavior. Right, So it's like whenever it's like, oh, maybe my male friend is attracted to this what they believe is a sis woman, they don't know in fact that they may be partaking in something that's considered to me get so weird. So I'm gonna protect them from that gay thing because they may not see it as you know, because so a lot of women feel like we're it's like a form of like deception because of us being trained.
So it's like I don't believe that, No, I don't care.
Really really think girls have a little bit.
Of superiority coming well, also, you leaned into something though, and at this point we're jumping around because I love to get to I had a clip where Adam twenty two sat with Ava, who's up and coming rapper from the Bronx or here in New York. And she's now dating a drill rapper. So she brings the drill rapper. She's trans right, she's trained, that's right, I remember. And and so she brings her boyfriend onto No Jumper podcasts and they have a conversation about it because he literally
sits there and says, I love my girlfriend. I knew exactly what was between her legs, who she is, how she identifies and everything.
But I'm not gay. I don't really don't care.
Nobody gotta say it because me personally, like if anybody as I'm game like that, I won't see myself I'm gay. Like for me, I don't think I'm gad or like I don't know, Like I scrolled into her page, I saw her, I was like, I was looking at I was like, look good, like you know what I'm saying.
I'm saying what I'm saying.
And so there was that conversation regarding the title of their sexuality that came into question.
So when you're saying and.
She's a woman post stop by the way, that I think that's why he was saying, I'm not gay. I'm not sometimes o let me finish. I really think that, man, and please let me know if you agree. When trans girls are post stop, they feel like they're in a whole nother playing field.
They're like, oh, yeah, this is this is their conversations.
I feel like that might be yes for some men, and even within our own community, like within the trans community, but I think that there is a misconception in general, even just within the LGBTQ community. Because somebody walked up to my partner right and we were like, it's a queer event. But they go up to him and they're like, oh, so, like, how does it feel to like be out and be queer? He doesn't identify as queer, like he identifies as a
hetero sexual men. So he was actually offended and he didn't know how to respond.
Does they bother you though? That there is an offense? And I know a lot of people just hate the titles all around. Right, we done talked about that with oh, wezy not want to identify bisexual in some places right.
Going on, But.
Your partner knowing that you identify within the community.
Well, some days I identify within the community.
We all identified with it, like because there's all the other mothers, y'all could be by identify as straight as lesbian, like they all identified.
And that's the thing I d gonna I never even thought to ask on that. Well, what I'm told right to be?
I guess for other people in their political correctness, I am a binary, heterosexual identified trans woman.
To me, I'm just dan yella.
But what I know is if you have the titty sort of skin, any type of blowiss, lips thick, we are not knocking persons. And that's anywhere on the spectrum. Okay, wherever you fall. It won't work for me. Okay, but shout out to the people who they do.
I don't like.
Well, now I'm I'm post operative, and I feel way more comfortable in my skin and in my body, and I feel like I don't want to fit in the binary of what people want to put me in the box because I have made my own self. I took myself on this own journey. I medically did what I had to do to feel complete in my skin, so I don't need anybody's labels to find me. Yes, I'm presenting as a female. I am pen sexual. I'm attracted to people and energies.
You know.
I'm attracted to brains. I'm attracted to you know, I don't I'm attracted to whoever is a person. At the end of the day, I don't have labels. I don't have any judgment. I'm open because I'm comfortable in my skin and I can I know who I am and I know what I bring.
To the table.
So how long did that take you? It took a long time. Shout out to you. You were going through that journey as well on Cocomo City.
Yeah.
Are you comfortable talking about a little bit about your process and your motions duringey?
Of course?
Yeah, so I have a I love that you asked.
That because we've had conversations where sometimes you feel like you don't know what to ask because it's genital. But it is also a right. It is offensive and like what you got.
Even on a podcast that is too much.
That's what I'm lokey over your gag and talk about.
I may they don't seen my other in the comosa, so it's like they was.
A fully functioning.
I'm about the ask question that you didn't expect.
Did you need to have a last moment with your peanut? Of course? And in that last moment, was there like things you felt like you needed to get out?
And what were those things? Because I feel like it's like I had to, like, you know, have my organized scored on the wall one time. Had I had to mid o trade. I had to trade some ass, I had to penetrate some vagina. I had to do what I had to do. And then I was like, I put it all on the Cocomo City. I did another magazine Come Call Richardson where I was fully nude, and then I was like, okay, I did every I.
Did porn for twenty years. I said, I think I'm done here. Okay, cocker right on up.
And when when going through it, because I have a trans friend that literally deleted socials, she was like really going through it and she's not like an influencer.
I know most people know me. I hope you's all coolist shit. It's not.
But another friend of mine who's like, girl, I can't believe I don't have this nigger pay for the shit. And now I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. And I'm curious, like how long were you thinking about it and what got you there?
So I've always thought had the thought of it. I always wanted to have surgery, but like survival had me, you know, into sex work, and I got comfortable in it, and I was thriving and I made a name for myself. So I said, Okay, I can maintain this. But then after a while, like the dysphoria started to kick in, and it was it didn't connect.
But in sex work it's better to be pre op before.
Yeah, yeah it is. And so I was more like, you can you make so much money? Yeah? And I got this point. I'm like directing, I'm shooting, I'm like starring. I'm moif go to be a top two though.
Oh wait, oh wait wait wait wait that's interesting too.
Yeahs.
In terms of sex work, for the most money is predominantly yes, they want you to top, top, top top.
You could be pre up and be a bottom and be broke boots because you're not swinging to day.
Want you to top for all day and night. That's what like my specialty, which is totally the opposite of who I am in my personal life. But you gotta you know, you gotta do what you gotta do.
And I ain't gonna hold you. I'm probably someone helping. That be the case. All the girlies I follow on OnlyFans bottoms take it.
I don't you know what it is because I do. And as someone that's like strapped up with my ex and ship like for some reason, I don't like seeing women beings hugged.
Well, clearly I'm pegged this down here.
Actually, I mean my Dick, I can't feel ship.
It, don't squirt out it, don't do none of the cool ship that I don't really like about it, Dick, So I'll just bel.
I will do it. But no.
But so for me, I think it's really getting to see, especially the moaning to write, because you're looking at something different that's not necessarily like you, but it's womanly and beautiful most of the time. Especially the website what is it dream Training?
They define us.
Well one moment actually I just want to run off, just just real quick.
These are the ones I support.
UH on only Fans, So the Shaye Barbie Beautiful only one, ts Kendle and if you beat with any of these, we could beleep the name. Sorry, uh I finished it. My favorite is Rikaya or ts Paris. We had Paris on right and big Bugatti.
No, we have Paris on.
Oh okay, oh you're thinking of Jamie Paris, Jamie pars Yeah, no Paris.
You need to get into Vanil. You know Vanil?
No set Okay, I'm shooting her actually tomorrow. B A N N I A L L. I'm actually directing her tomorrow for Evil Angel. She's like a black, beautiful, big girl and she puts it down.
Can I ask that question, because that's what I see is the most difference in in heterosexual porn, everybody's hanging right, and in the trans women porn specifically, they be sometimes real little.
Is there a difference in how is that from hormones? Okay? I was like, yeah, but.
Now only because.
After after twenty years on hormones, there's no I mean, because that looks like I know.
A girl that has been on hormones for twenty years, she's hanging hello.
So I mean, I guess it's like the Chinas. They're all different.
They are all Some are.
Big, some are little, some starting off big.
You know.
Okay, now this question is crazy but I gotta know. Shoot, I'm not gonna lie. She is so excited to challenge. Okay for audition.
When I got my titties done, I saw five titties and I showed them to doctor, like, these are titties I want.
Did you the pussy you wanted?
No? Actually I didn't. I didn't.
I'm serious, not thinking to myself if you know people are with you pre I was like, you look how.
Hard you were.
It's like, well, what if I'm not as impressive on the other side.
That was, and that was the big gamble that I had to take. I literally felt when I had surgery. I jumped off of cliff because it was my safety net was having a penis, Like, I know what a penis. I can go anywhere and make money as a post stop.
You know.
I had to be more creative, and luckily I had opportunities arise. But yeah, I was just like, Okay, I don't know what it's gonna look like. I don't know if it's gonna work, I don't know how it's gonna feel, but I know this is what I've dreamed of my whole life, and I'm ready to whatever comes with it.
How hard was it were you, Because I mean I heard catheter, Like.
Oh my god, girl, it was like, honestly the worst two months of my life. But to two and a half years two yeah, two years later. Yeah, you can't, like you literally cannot leave the house. I was talking about it the other day. Okay, just imagine this. You have surgery. Okay, you have surgery. They cut you out, they turn you out, you have stitches everywhere, and you're in the hospital for three I think you're in the
hospital for five days. Right after you get out of the hospital, they take the packing and everything.
You with your.
Whole open wound with stitches and blood and everything, have to dilate with this plastic raw that's hard as fuck for fifteen minutes, four times a day. Imagine the psychological of that. Like I literally disconnected from my body for six months. I'm not even gonna hold you.
I could.
I was not here. I was, you know, doing everything that I had to do, but I wasn't in my body because I was shook. I saw that the first time. When I first saw that and the stitches and the blood, I checked out. I was like, oh my god, what is this.
Oh my god.
It did not look cute. My girlfriend's like, yeah, it's got to be cute. I'm like, what is this?
What is this?
So it took me like six months to like, did you mean on women with that were cis gender? No, it wasn't a friends of mine that had sartain before.
Can I ask you.
Last inappropriate question? Promised last one?
No, last two.
Do you orgasm differently? Yes?
Girl?
Do you orgasm like a like a woman?
Are you orgasm like orgasm like you know, like five ten minutes organism?
Are you getting wet? Because I hear that, I get what is it?
I guess it's like the I don't know, like the whatever fluid that you would produce that pre comes.
One of my.
Friends recently had sex with a woman in Thailand, and he said in the morning she asked him if he'd ever had sex with a trans girl, and he said, My reaction was super chill. I was like, no, she said. He said, why, she's like, you know that storism here, he said.
I started looking at her.
So she she was five eleven, which is pretty tall for a woman. It's pretty tall for Thailand. This air about it, but.
And I'm like, babe, I don't think a trans pussy can't get wet. And he's like, wow, are you sure it was really wet?
And I was like, oh yeah, they have techniques that they use, like your parts of your colon that like stay wet. But then there's like it's complications because there's like a little bit smelly, but it lubricates naturally and the way and the way, yeah, you prepare before and also if you're turned on for some reason, you get wet. I don't know what it is.
Good shit, good.
Shit, Yes, that's good shit. Now.
I wanted to get back to sex work real quick because our vanilla shit. There was something that went viral and I was like, oh, this is b sand.
So we're gonna talk about smells since you just brought up smells.
And this one actually led to a text message thread this person tweeted, so I link with this dude, and when it was time to do the do he smelled funny down there. I don't know if I worded this wrong or what, but considering he's twenty five, I definitely expected him to take the constructive criticism better.
Pretty much.
This is how it read. Not trying to be rude or nothing, but definitely needed to shower. Hold on you saying I stink? She said, stick is not the word. He said, watch your mouth. You try, And she said, but I could tell you didn't shower. You want me to lie to you. If you felt like I needed a shower, I would want you to tell me. You don't have to be offended. You didn't stink, but you need a shower. You've been at work all day and I could tell, he said, I don't know what you're
talking about. Definitely showered. You just run in your mouth, but you enjoy the rest of your night. Or you got me confused with another dirty dick nigga? You fucking that was Dan Yella?
Tell me right now, one out of ten, how many of the clients be funking a boody?
Ah not no booty. I'm not a toperd.
You're not at all. Well, I would say, I don't know. I don't have those type of dates. I mean, I've had a young date that probably smells like that.
Did you tell them, like what is the conversation? How well?
I would see, I'll probably be nice about it about it because I would just like, hey, baby, let's go take a shower, Like I just want to, but then I would also want to tip because you use my shower, so that.
Way you could ask for a tip myself is extensive. No, damn, this is not the hotel baby.
You know, you know how I used to turn it in Europe and London and I'm Germany iron.
And those day bodies, this is what they.
Cheese the foreskin like. They would come in and then you would.
Just you're not.
Baby.
I would be like I would meet the greet them at the door and my little outfits.
I would say, hi, baby, how are you? My god great great.
Money in and I will walk them right to the shower before anything.
So you don't even know. I don't care.
You got to get in that shower before you because I already know it's giving because you have you know.
And you men just because you want to circumcised, you need.
And you men are not clean, so I need you to take a shower before anything.
And they would all get into.
Wait overseas, was that just overseas or is that.
It was in general?
Because I'm wondering more overseas because they it was the uncircumciseness and the pungentness of.
The was a lot. It was a lot, but wait.
You don't charge more because for me it's like so for me, I didn't mind the itemization and for real though, because it's like I'm okay too, and I'm actually happy when they come and eat the shower because that takes up the time.
That's what I'm saying.
I don't answear tip because then by the time they do all that, I do that, So you're.
Not even gonna get so I guess it's.
Because you do.
Yeah, I want you to get the full spot of treatment though, no shade in my bathroom because I need you to really stay there.
So like I'm going to break out the there's an hourly f no for real, Oh damn, that's the only way you came in.
Can you tell me? And a deposit have to happen an ideal.
Client like ooh, start to end for the girls listening, because I remember once when I went on a what's your.
Price date and I was literally like, when is he gonna pay me?
Oh?
Oh, I did it, and I was like really scared. When I was young, I was just finding sites to make some cash on and I remember thinking like WHOA like is it?
Because he that I liked him? Like I don't get it.
That's the thing though, too, that's very real that you can lose a date if he feels like you like him too much.
Oh I never now for real, but I mean I have. I had a date and I was so mad because he told me right like when we first met, he was like, I don't want a girl who falls for me, like this has to be transactioning, like you need to come in and handle my needs and get your money and just go.
But the type of guy he was, it was hard not to fall for him.
Like for me, he was my Christian gray, like he was like very young, light eyes, body for days and the only thing that was mixed it he did want to get taped, and I didn't live for that because like I felt soaked every time I saw him, and it was like this is ideal.
You look good, you're young, and it's a fab coin. No shade, because I'm not going up in nobody house for nothing less. Yeah, but it's like for me, it was like I got emotionally attached and then it was like okay, now I'm late. I got a sickening coin and the day used to get me strung out. No shade, so to the girls don't do drugs, but today it is not it. You're gonna lose your tip.
Girl, no shade, order, don't due. So he was cuddling, you said, I used to lay.
Up, Yeah, cuddle down the views. It was literally for me, it was everything got no shade. This person was so fab that recently I guess after he's are giving the girl so much coin he became the person pulling coins and sex worker because he was literally on the shape room for marrying a.
Second in person.
But I also want him to know if you come a Chris, is you owe me a tip for even turning it like that?
After? Like, how's the date that it turned into uself?
So let me ask you because this is actually something I experienced in in whole friendships. I like to call like when I would let my homegirls know that a nigga was a super easy trick, or he the sex was good, he was fun, there was a lot of money. My friends would then go after those niggas and he's for everybody. So you can't really be mad even though, did you get do you ever find yourself getting mad for maybe over sharing how how fun a trick is?
And then people that you know.
Now, oh yeah, I definitely have cut a girlfriend off about that, because so I used to have a client and he was iconic for what my set was, which is you didn't have to upset.
He gave you a couple of stacks and so.
You know, and literally any girl, I mean, like, if I'm out and about, I'm like, oh, bitch, I'm outside.
We outside tonight, he's here.
So but I didn't like the facts, so I leave, right and we had all just hung out, we all got our pieces. But while I'm away, I noticed that all of a sudden, he's following her, and she's following him. See what was wrong for me was that you that she followed him back, right, Like, this is a trick,
so he's always going to be messy. But as your girlfriend, like for you to go follow my trick, It's like, no, bitch, this was never your ditch, right Like, this was my date and whenever I'm ready to bring you in, then you come.
In this.
And she literally, so I'm the mutual with who they followed, right, some niggas proper bottles whatever, and literally it's her trick. She saw what happened, She called me, and she said, send me a nigga that she likes. I said, no, bitch, what does she do? She said, I'm a fuck him. I was like, bro, please don't make me do because I had more loyalty to the girl who called me.
She was like, I'm not playing, bitch, I'm going to fuck it.
I mean, he was like it was.
It used to be hard for me with my friends only because at the times this happened, bitch, we all needed money and I never wanted to feel like I was keeping my homegirls from paying their bills or taking care of their kids and stuff like that. So like, it was always really difficult for me to take it personal or be upset. Like if it was a nigga that I liked, that's different. So that's another thing. If it wasn't tricks, there's still niggas would fuck It wasn't
like breaking bread. And if I brought them around homegirls and they even thought to following it, Oh, it didn't happen to me all the time. My niggas did hit me up like yo, it was so and so, like y'all really.
Cool because she done slid in my ship.
The niggas will tell oh, yeah, so you know, like the men are messy and ladies if you think you'll be a slick whether you think this nigga really fucked with her or not, they tell every single time.
What well, I I'm a very private person.
After this document.
I was a very private person until my host pop blowing up. And I'm also a generous person. So if I did have like a customer or something that you know, I would you know, navigate it to a certain way. Like of course, if I'm eating, I want everybody to eat, but I wouldn't. I've been burned so many times before too, and like situations like that happened, so that just shows me too. I eat for myself, you know what I mean. I've helped out enough people. I did what I could.
I gave a lot of connections, and I got stabbed in the back many times. So now I refuse which mine is mine? And you know, I'm so sorry.
Now what is the safest way?
Oh No, I just want to speak to something too though, because it's crazy. So I have a one of my old friends actually fucked one of my people and basically said to me like I was being selfish for not letting her deal with him, and because so what's crazy?
These people ended up robbing me all the things, but I just wanted to say too, like I have encountered women who will say, if you don't give your partners or the men you're dealing with somehow, you're selfish for that, And it just fucked my head up because.
That's called manipulation.
No way saying that for it, because they won't what you got, no of course, like he gaged that she took him to Wendy's and I didn't even know he ate Wendy's.
But I was just like, okay, that's some girls shoot that.
For them, they feel like you're being selfish, and for me, I literally internalized it was like, you know what, it kind of makes sense, like if you're not worth it and I feel like you are disposable, then I will give you to the group. But it's like, if you're somebody that I feel like is lucrative.
Bring back gatekeeping, because.
I mean to be fair, because if they're spending money on your friends, it's probably less money that's going to be.
Like that too, And I.
Don't want to be Saturday and then the next thing, you know, I'm every other Saturday.
I want to be Sunday when they bring out the offer and play.
Okay, this is what I was gonna ask.
Yeah, So to the women that are listening to the podcast out calls and calls, can you tell us a little bit about what you've seen has been safer and maybe ways to protect yourself, whether there be sights, you know, just anything you may have seen along the way that could be a helpful tip and save somebody.
So when I before I stopped working, I would like do like mister number, look up, you know, and search the number for Yeah, after the whole thing, there's also like network of like girls. There's blogs and just like the clients have blogs about the girls. Because I know, I'm like on a lot of blocks. People are telling Almighty, my friends tell me, oh yeah, this and this and that. The girls have blogs too, and you can like put in a little number, put in a little name or something.
Ask one of your girlfriends, hey do you know this person?
You know?
Because the big one, the big fish, we've all they've all stopped at sure on our station, you know. So if you want to, if you're like, you know, open, and you have friends and you say, hey, do you know this person? Do you have any recommendations, you know, in calls are very iffy because like for me, I was like, I'm such an own person. I don't like people to know where I live.
What about if you get a hotel room.
Yes, so I would get a hotel room, like on the other side of town, on the other side of town. I was set up my custommers. Yeah, but she said.
New York and DC were her best. She would travel from Florida. I would be candy ferocity. That way, it would get me in my house because trust, yeah, I don't feel comfortable in the hotel though.
Really I feel you feel more comfortable home. So I don't know.
For one, I just feel like I feel protected in my home simply because I know where my gadgets is at hell, like I know where to get my peace. You know what I mean if they come back to your house, right, Oh they've done that too, But I mean, well, at my place is like a bunch of cameras and like you know, when you're walking, cause you to stick by the door of the knife by the bed, like you know, the pepper spray, like you're gonna see if you jump or court too hard, you might not leave
the same way you can't, Mike. But I also don't feel like for me honestly, Like I guess there's always been to this thing. I'm uncomfortable with telling people that I'm a sex worker. So it's like the fear of being at a hotel, maybe being a part of a sting, Like how do I explain that?
And then I don't want to get a huh you know how big this podcast is.
No, no, no, I'm fine with that now, but I'm saying no, I'm saying back then we I'm in Cocona City.
And my titties out. No, but I but it was for me too.
That's what it all like when into where I said, like dealing with the imposter syndrome because right, like I'm still showing up in certain spaces, especially corporate spaces, because I was a part of like the not just said, but like at a corporate ad agency, and so like I was out here in these streets. So it's like I had to try to disguise it anywhere I could.
So it was like I always wanted a daddy, you know, to come to my house, and then I always played the you know, I'm an aspiring black artists okay, narrative to every day. It was like very much like give me my coins so that I can get out of this, because I wouldn't be your star.
I love.
That was a struggle, like you had to back in the days, you had to have a mood lighting. You couldn't say you were a sex worker, so you always had to have another feel like, oh, I'm a makeup artist, I'm a hair dresser, because back in the days, like when I started, you couldn't be there was no podcast girl. You were doing what you had to do on the low, like you know what I mean. Now it's more common and you can like, hey, you know, but back in
the days, I struggled because I'm there. You'll be like, you know, you go to a club and you meet a guy and you know you're sexyprogress, Oh what do you do? Oh, I'm a model, not even not even.
To agent that that far back when I was in high school, one of my good friends, her sister, worked in me and to be very clear, the stigma around just being a stripper none of not sex worker, you know, and of course there's the hierarchy of sex work as well, but a lot of women weren't even you know, cool sharing that they're a stripper. And now everybody videos, everybody is showing themselves in the locker rooms on the instagrams.
It's completely different than even what what I saw going.
But see to the difference was is that like we have a place in New York City, there was like the trans strip club, right, and so like for me, that was the thing, Like yes, I would do inkuos, but I guess I always had access to what was like an outcool because I would go to the club, no, in the club outside, you know.
No, I'm like I can date it a little because I'm like just for the young girls, but it goes a little.
Further back, like.
Yeah, that's what they got to see Tuesdays or te Thursdays. Oh no, I see every day. I've talked about that place on the shovefourdays and Thursday, but now I don't every day.
I don't like these kind of places because like men go to meet trans woman and then they automatically get proposition, and so there is no places where like a girl's like us that maybe we are used to be sex workers, but now we want to meet someone, you know, and
we want to have a normal conversation. There is no places like that, So I don't like to promote so much those kind of places because we need to have a place where we can be socialized and be and if you want to, you can, but it doesn't have to be the focus. When you walk in, like guys walk in, they're.
Like But in terms of girls in sex work still when you think about in quoder alcohol, it's very much so in terms of safety, I think that is a safer way because I would rather meet you in person.
You see me in person, so my rate don't shock you.
I'm not sitting around nope, because there's a lot of like Russian roulette, and like for me, sitting at home and doing sex work at home, it's like sometimes a lot of wasted time, right because you're just like over selling, like marketing through the phone.
This is who I love and.
It was it really shows so much of comfortability.
And I would rather get my coins in person. No shade too, because a lot of times the dates when I would use my photos would say that they didn't believe I was real. So when you see me in person, it's like, okay, babe, now you're not gonna play with me like you know what this is, and I guess
I knew I could always make enough at night. So it's like, but the way that I would kind of like I guess police the situation or like safety measures is like I would ask them for my coins up front or Lisa deposit, and then I honestly knew to only go for a certain type of guy, like if you didn't have on a sue or if you didn't come across as that coinsy type of date like no shade shout out to Tay. Tay was a date, but I'm not going with you, like that's not what's happening.
Like I need to feel like I'm leaving a very sickening set where you're gonna ensure my safety because you're even concerned about like somebody even knowing that right I'm trans and being in your building.
So I needed they end date.
You said you got to stick and pepper spray and this and that. So it's like, yeah, one of.
These going out with what a bank I'll start, well, one of the I'll start with a bad time with the customer, and apparent sadly enough, it was a black customer. And this is maybe why a lot of trans women choose not to operate in that demographic. But it was a black customer. He came to my house. This is a long time ago, and he wanted to penetrate me, and I'm like, I don't offer that service, you know, or if you want, you have to give me more money. No,
he didn't want to give me more money. He forced himself on me in my own apartment. And luckily I had like someone in the other room that I can call out to help with because it could have got ugly. Wow,
So you had help, Yeah, I had. I always had like someone working with me in the bathroom or something, because me by myself one hundred and thirty pounds with these grown ass men until I started learning mixed martial arts and everything that I can feel confident now to protect my but back then I didn't have that.
Now. Is that why some women choose to work with like a pimp.
I guess it's the protection, Yeah, because these men they'll come, they'll try to get forget with you for free. They'll try to coerce you to do stuff by threatening to call the police on you if you don't do X y Z to them. Like it's really hard out here to protect yourself as a woman and as a business woman on top of that, in this whole and this shape.
But to any bitch out there with aim, seek Jesus, right, I mean I don't.
I would never say what.
Because I just feel like to position yourself and depend on a man's safety when you're already you know, in survival or if you don't feel that what you do is survival, but to a certain extent, that's manipulation and he's taking away from like your sustainability because right, like in the end, you always get a short end of the stick. And when I think of pimps, that's usually some type of form of domestic violence. Right, So if
it's not financial, then is definitely physical. And it's like if you're already in a position where that's how you choose to make your money, okay, cool, but then it's subjects yourself to that level of violence and then have to like lose this sense of yourself because not only doing sex workn do that, right, like always having to constantly put the value on yourself that a man give you.
But then now this man's beating you, abusing you, and it's like you deserve so much more than that, like even if you don't know how to invest your money, protect yourself. For me, it's I would rather be have my comrade be a woman, right, whether it's trans or sis, you know, like the girl in the bad from the person protecting me, then the man giving me just enough to look just enough good, you know, to maybe make a coin. And if I don't make that money, somehow
I become the problem. Like I don't know, Like that's a way, Like I've never understood it because I'm just like you know, I.
Always thought it was because they either don't have the client, so the pimps telling them they're going to give you these people so you don't have to do it on your own the safety.
But I didn't know that pimps take all your money.
Yeah, I thought you worked for and they provide you a roof over your head, they feed you.
I thought like some pims take, most pims take. I thought some were like.
No, we almost had a pimp on him, but we decided not to be because he was beating bitches.
As literally, they were about to have a pimp on here, and then he's on the internet where like they're outing him because he's been out here beating bitches asses.
It was like videos from him in the Walmart beating bitches up.
And I was like, oh yeah, that nigga can't come on this podcast.
He was like it was maybe an hour he interview.
I said, bro, cancel on that, and he can't come up here. Literally, I said, girl, you've seen this. Ain't this the guests coming home? I said, telling him goodbye. You thought he was gonna come get up? Where can the people follow you? See you support you? Let's get witty.
Well, you can follow me on the Instagram, Daniella Carter, Welldella period Carter said, there's that part. And I also have a film festival platform for bipop artist Knell's guestbook.
You can find me on Instagram, Dominique Silver, I N t L and in campaigns and magazine.
Honey, those will uh, those apps and all your socials will be in the description of this episode. But also if you loved our guest today and want to see them be a part of Cocomo City, you can now watch it on Amazon Prime, show Time and Paramount Plus. So it is all over the place, AP and Apple TV Hello World, Like just it's everywhere, So make sure y'all catch that it is k O k O Emma.
There we got city. Thank you so much. Well, what's the surprise.
Bottom ta y'all so much for joining us, and y'all, if you want to continue supporting Horrible Decisions, make sure you join our patreon as Patreon dot com back slash Horrible Decisions.
Thank y'all so much. And this is me get another episode of Horrible Decisions.
Pas y.
I call him crying again, and I was like, bro, like, I'm just feeling real fucked up because I'm so confused. So, like, what happened when you hung up with me after me crying for three hours? You got on the phone with her?
He was like, yeah, her and I decided to be friends. We had always been friends.
Like, she wasn't as mad as you were, obviously because you and I were actually dating her and I've just been friends.
That took it too far. Took it too far basically mean kissing.
But y'all wake up yesterday morning and I see a text message or an Instagram message at six am?
Yo?
Did you get this too?
Can we talk?
So?
I wrote her back and was like, hey, I don't really know what else to say. Clearly he was dating both of us.
It is what it is. It's fine.
I don't want to like anger myself and anymore. So now she's calling me on Instagram and I was like, do I answer? Type shit bitch?
I was on that phone for three hours day ruined.
What's ironic about her hitting me up? Because that's how the universe works. My mom was supposed to get surgery yesterday for a pacemaker, but she didn't. They're rescheduling it. So about six that morning, I texted him. I was like, I'm so fucked up about my mom. I really want to talk to you, but I know we're in this weird place, like I don't know what to do. That's what I said, and he was like, Yo, where are you?
Like literally the second I saw the message was in the same time I texted him, and I was like, oh my god. So he might think me and my mama did because I never wrote him back. But anyway, get on the phone with her. She was really sweet.
She was like hey.
I was like, listen, I feel like Loki's still loyal to this nigga, Like I don't want to get on the phone with you and just be talking and talking like, I don't see the point, and she was like listen. She was very honest too, Like I told her how he came to visit me, how he bought me shit on Valentine's Day, how he bought me gifts my birthday.
She was like, Okay, no, he didn't do that for me. But we have been doing X y Z. We've been planning a trip here, blah blah blah.
Girl told us the same shit, told us both he's had a dream about us having his daughter, told us both about what if we were gonna enough together, told us both this shit made up the same wedding plans.
Bitch kids. I had niggles, and then HI knew this bitch was right and real as fuck. The first question she asked me, like listen, I've been listening to your podcast. I just want to know, are you fucking him? Did y'all do this?
I said, why, I'm fuckinghi Bitcherre you fucking him? She was like no, but I've been trying to do X y Z with him. Girl, the same shit, heavy, making out, heavy petting, spooning, touching each other, and then it gets nowhere. I can't believe I got played by a nigga that I ain't never gave me no dick.
And what kills me.
When I was on the phone with him, he was trying to say all these things about that wasn't well, it was this with you, but not her fed her the same line and it was like really tough, and it really fucked me up because I just kind of what is okay?
What is the toughest part.
To you.
About feeling like a nigga told you the same thing he told someone else.
There's two things. It one felt special with what I had with him, Oh bitch. Hold on.
When he came back from Hawaii, the nigga went on a vacation. I was like, yo, he just bought me a necklace.
I took it off.
I've been wearing it, this turquoise necklace. If anybody sees it in my pictures, I've been wearing it. She's like, girl, I saw him wearing that recently. She's like, so, how the fuck y'all broke up? But he's still doing this, like obviously he still has feelings for you. And I'm like, has he ever bought you jewelry? She's like, yeah, you bought me this pearl bracelet from Hawaii, bitch. The night he came back from Hawaii, he slept in my house
and gave me that same sheet. So but anyway, it hurts because I thought what I had with him was special, and I'm gonna say this, I think he was in love with both of us.
So this is really like a bit triggering.
Because it's triggering bitch, well me, well me.
And when I had the woman a woman call two months ago, he was telling us a lot of the same things, and so it was like, oh, you know, because we were just in the studio and we on Patreon. So the bartending Stephanie saw me a Mexican restaurant. I didn't tell the.
Bitch you knew because I came in the next day. Wow, And I don't know if this is Karmic.
I actually felt worse because she was getting a different story than I was. So first off, he was going by a different name with her, but she was aware of all his lovers, including me. I knew none of his other lovers, So hey, maybe this is karmic. Y'all, y'all know how I used to talk about being a side chick and knowing everything.
So I thought, like a nigga fucked with.
Me more, do you know? She sat across from me.
And said, well, I think he loved me more because I knew about all his other lovers.
You and the other girl didn't