Guess what decision we're about to make. Horrible decision. Welcome to horror black decision.
Your you serenated that better than the niggasday on stage for our dating game.
I mean, I feel like my vocals is coming. By the way, you pus see as Hosey to stop going to episode one and tell me how much my voice didn't change. It's called puberty. Anyways, Welcome y'all to Horrible Decisions. Bitch, I'm your girl. Maybe b aka Petta Saton aka Pegga Marco aka Bull Corps aka Debt bitch was Welcome back, y'all. My name is Weezy and it's just us today. Just how you like it.
Oh God, a third h.
Just for full transparency, we are recording this in the year from the past, not the year from the past. Year from the past, it's history.
However, we wanted you to have an episode with just of us at the top, just us at the top of the year because we're your phase. So for the catchup, I did want us to start off with some bit of Manifest This showns y'all know, I just learned about manifest in last year, well this year, but this last year. Now but I said, let's talk about the things I
would say, relationship wise and sex wise. Okay, that maybe we didn't get in twenty twenty three that we would like in twenty twenty four, and also maybe just the things that we won't go back to with both of us having ended relationships. I wanted to start off with, like, what do you manifest your love life to be in twenty twenty four?
Weezy and action.
I want to manifest being on the same page. I had great sex in twenty twenty three towards the end, just summer and beyond. I dated a celibate nig in the beginning, and then I got the shit fucked out of me towards again great hope, I still am getting the shit fucked out of me.
I's on the digger so too.
I think I also with like another experience with a woman where she doesn't shit on me, that'd be great. Uh honestly, it's I know it's like love and sex. But one thing I really want to manifest I want to live in Paris. For a few months, you've been saying that, I think this will be the year that happens. I think I need that, and I think that this will be the year I've been saying I want a boyfriend. I think in a family and kids, I think a boyfriend is actually all I want.
Right now, right now, right now. Hey, Duayne dropped the bomb drop right here.
Wait what I been you You've been talking about being preded like Sacy rad for the last two years.
Bitch, what you mean? What you mean now?
Not like Sexy Ray. I just realized, like I don't know, I live in two cities. I kind of feel like my life's a little flighty, and I want to have a baby eventually, but like, I don't know, I just was so sure that i'd meet that person, and now I just want to enjoy that person. Just knowing that I've been dating somebody that like, I'm still having fun with. I don't even even if the person that I'm gonna end up with forever or my baby daddy is in my life right.
Now, I think I just need a second Okay.
And I've realized that last year really was taxing on my body with travel, with touring, and I know we're not touring this year or anything, but it was like a lot and just having to take care of my parents in LA. But now I'm in New York at least it's not Orlando, right, So I'm doing my thing. I'm just like, where is a baby gonna come in the mix? Like I don't know, And I really want to just keep having fun. But I don't want to
have casual fun. I do want to like have someone that I'm pouring into and that I'm going to be having some commitment back from that to me feels worth it. Like I have fun with my friends every time I vacation with them, Visa, Africa, whatever.
Fuck. You know what I'm saying. I do.
I live my life having fun. Actually, you know it's funny. I was talking to one of my homeboys who has a fortieth birthday this.
Year, and I was like, what we are.
Not?
But I was like, yo, what do you want to do? And he was like, I just want to show with my friends?
And he was like, may we get lit whenever we want? Like we live a dope ass life, Like I don't need that much. And I was like, damn, that makes me think about like a bachelorette party. If I was getting married, what would I wanted to be Like He's like, we have that every weekend, any one time we want, and I was like, yeah, like it's a blessing to live this fucking life. So I think for me, I just want to have amazing experiences with a partner. Like
I'm kind of tired of traveling with my friends. I know you're not, but I am. I like getting fucked on vacation.
Bitch, I'm doing solo chirts even that, Like I do a lot of solo vacation right and like.
I'm kind of bored with it. And it's funny.
One of my homegirls told me I could be happy as long as I just have money to travel the world. I'm like, bitch, I've been doing that the last three years, and trust me, it's but then there's nothing.
What else is then? If that's fun, only get fucked on that trip? Oh okay, let's see.
My old twenties was getting sucked on trips.
So I'm like enjoying being able to fund my own trips and be with friends and do exactly what I want to do when I want to do it how I want to do it. Because a lot of my twenties was on other people's times. Yeah, so I'm in that space where I'm enjoying, like all the trips that I plan to make twenty twenty four, Japan will be the international trip that was my That's because bitch, I eat im a sushi. I'm like, bitch, why are you thinking to go to motherfucking Japan? Bitch, you gonna get
a lot of beef. That's that's I will not it's the state.
Why not? I don't do beef like that? Do you wag you little tiny peces? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Oh okay, I'll do the little time. It's like the best I'm not gonna do like no state state. But it's also like it's the same price as like a ribbi here.
Oh, I know some.
Bullshit because it's well no, I mean, and it's like so dope, just fashion, culture everything. I'm excited to go there. I'm excited to go there. I Brionn is actually going to Japan. I was thinking about going winter, but I think I'm gonna do a little Mexico stint again. I think I said I want to live in Paris, but it's fucked up because like, I don't really want to go anywhere new.
I want to go to the places I like, which is kind of weird. But when I say I want to live in Paris, I think I'm so obsessed with that city. I need that moment for myself. Maybe I'll meet a nigga out there, Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll have a nigga I'll bring it with me. I don't know, but I want to.
Learn some French.
I want to enjoy life while I'm young and while I can afford it, because to me, once I get a kid, where I spend money on my baby in the way inflation. Sexually, some new experiences I don't know.
I've been having a really fun sex life, like just loving being able to explore my body again. Last year was the most sex I've had since Old Bay, because I mean, having a boyfriend you're fucking all the time, you know this, so like and being able to date someone consistently and get like that shit is fun as shit.
Having more like experiences like that.
I don't really like so many new experiences with new people, because I prefer I'm more comfortable when I'm already fucking, like I can be more loose, I can be more myself, so like, I want more of that.
I'm also trying to think what else, what do I really want.
I mean, you don't have to have the answer right now, you do not, and in a couple episodes or mid year or at the end of the year, maybe you'll have to be so definitive. I mean, I don't think even so this is what this This outline, y'all, is a lot about why I asked this question. I manifested.
I think what I wanted right before the pandemic without knowing all the things, but also without being exactly really particular in the things I wanted, And I think what I wanted is changed in a in a way that I don't no. To be very honest with you, I think so I didn't date at all last year once I broke up with this nigga. I went back to twenty four to seven, Green Eyes and Detroit. Those was my three little you know, and then I stopped seeing them abruptly and literally didn't.
Have sex for the end of the year. And I know I.
Missed my relationship with sex, and I need it back because right now I'm questioning what sex is so much that it doesn't feel healthy to me. And I literally brought that up with my therapist. I was like, bits y'all want to get back to fucking, because I know I enjoyed fucking, but the way I'm questioning what sex is and what it means and how it should make me feel and even the intricacies of it is a mind fuck right now to me, and I don't like it.
I want to go back to fucking, bitch. I do think though, that's healing.
I think you know it.
Never know how much we haven't healed until like when you talked about a few months back the sex club and how you went and you have.
You fucking cried? Bro? You ever? I mean?
But also when we were in the bay, I was with someone very attractive, we had a sexual moment, and then when I ended up spending some more time with him, I got triggered by my ex and that was the last time I was like, oh yeah, I'm not I'm I'm still very broken, bro, and I'm not ready.
I didn't know how much like okay sometimes trigger warning that word is like it feels PC. But my dread Nigga said something to me that like was a joke, but it triggered me so much so fans have like tried to write.
Me about him. Well not tried to but okay, you know, just little things like that.
And like even at my after party he saw a girl he had slept with, which whatever, I don't care.
I really don't care.
But uh, I made a joke it with him on the phone, like, Nigga, you walk these motherfuckering streets, but I'm in La.
Just you need to ask them holes if they listen to the podcast.
And he was laughing, like for really like your fans out of control, like Nigga, k cheat in peace, and like he was a joke, but also because there's no cheating to be had on.
Me right right, because y'all aren't together.
But but all I could think about is Bobe and I was like, oh my god. He used to tell me that that was why he would like fuck white girls so he wouldn't like run into a fan.
Oh and wait, my ex used to tell me if that's why he didn't come to our live shows the fuck out of.
Here because of what I had shared.
He didn't want people to know that he was that person doing the fox up shit because he's like, as much as they might may like me all of our breakups, they don't like me. And maybe he read the comments and things like that. He didn't want to be in a room where everyone hated him, and I think he knew.
That the audience did not like him.
You're joke, But for me, it's I actually don't think it's what he did more than your reaction.
Do you remember when old Bay would.
Do shit and I'd be like, hey, shit, whatever, that's not your reaction to the things he would do too.
My reaction was because this was the first person I I gave my all too. Like, let's be very clear, all the other niggas that I'd have talked about on this motherfucker podcast, I didn't cook for them, I didn't bring them on trips with me.
I didn't hang out with them around my friends.
They didn't meet my mom. They weren't in my space the way this person was. So my reaction came from I'm doing everything I think I'm supposed to be doing the right way, and we're broken up.
Time seven out of thirteen. Time eight out of thirteen.
He lied to me, and I caught him lying or he cheated on me, and I felt like so.
The things were more like these were my real life reactions, And I think that that's why.
Twenty twenty three was so much because is if I didn't share it here, because we actually had a couple weeks of a break, I was sharing it on See. The thing is so I was constantly having to record in real time what was going on in my relationship to where honestly, by the time sometimes we got back into the studio, I was back with him, but the episode that was airing was me dogging this nigga out.
So literally, we're out in public together. You were crazy for that, bro, And I mean, listen, I walk in my truth, and if a nigga fuck with me, he's gonna have to know a bit, gonna be honest.
So you just better behave And I mean to be honest, let's be very clear.
I this nigga that I would have cut it out that well he may or may not be, you know, be breaking my celibacy, this new nigga, the twenty two year old. And literally he was like, so we gonna talk about it on the podcast, and I was like, girl, we.
Got a break. Thank god. That nigga may not even be in the picture in January February. I'm not gonna lie.
I am going to take my time with introducing niggas to this podcast in twenty twenty four.
The only thing I will say, like even me saying, who knows if dredal sleepy in the picture?
Alex was like yelling at me the other day. He was like, Bro, you don't know how to have fun. You're having sex and like enjoying life right now.
Because like you're having fun, you have to keep having fun and stop being so like.
On your a man has to do.
And it's crazy because I remember when recording that episode with Sahara around November.
Like you know, she had a lot of rules if they don't do X y Z.
And I'm listening to my homeboys all tell me like, bro, just have fun, like you have to just do this for yourself, and I actually think that is something I want to do.
This is why this podcast is going to keep working because we are on the opposite side. I had so much fun with niggas in my twenties, not like casual. No. I literally just said to my therapist, this is the struggles that I'm having. I'm struggling with how to show up to get what I want.
Live in the moment, that's what I want.
Say yeah, yeah, I forgot, I hear I I did. I had so many relationships with men and treated sex so casually and so much like fun that at the end I didn't get what I wanted. And so there's real intention with me now going into dating and sex that I want to be sure that I'm fulfilled.
I had a lot of empty sex. I had a lot of transactional sex.
I had a lot of sex that was, oh my god, this man is so fine him fucking me at two hundred and thirty pounds, it makes me feel good.
Ooh.
There was a lot of very unhealthy sex that I had in my twenties that now where I feel the best about myself, I'm making money, so it doesn't need to be transactional. I just finally had my first relationship, so I might be able to see red flags a little sooner. I want to fuck with intention and I want to date with intention, and so to me at thirty three, it's not about fun anymore, like I felt like I did that, and I want to be very
clear with that. I think I allowed niggas to set the tone for shit, and then when I caught feelings, I had to retrict because I.
Was living in their world.
I want a nigga to be able to show up for me how I need them to show up for me, and if they can't, I'm so fine after doing this fucking six seven months of fucking celibacy to be able to be like, I'm good, this doesn't serve me.
I think that, like what you're saying has been the case for most women and myself. I definitely can say that. Like I was like, oh, I was just supposed to be enjoying this. What I'm taking from this time around is more like I'm way too hard on myself when they don't work out, instead of just saying this is just an experience.
And see I've always been like that, it's just an experience. So not that I'm hard on myself as much as I want to be harder on how people show up for me.
So I got a little R and V nigga.
His name is gonna be R and V Nigga for now because I don't know how it's gonna pan out, but we've been texting. I was supposed to go to one of his shows in the DMV coming up, and I was like, Okay, I'm gonna pull up, Like why not like we've been talking. So we've been talking for over a year. I started talking to him when I went to Abu Dhabi last year.
Damn over years a long time.
And then I got back with my niggas a week after. So literally he's just been like I knew he was gonna get back. Every time I broke up, we got back talking, we flirt. Then I'd be like, oh, never mind, I.
Back with my nigga. We gotta cut it off.
Then he was just in New York over the summer and I took him to one of my favorite restaurants and I was like, Okay, there's a cute little vibe and now that like I'm out of.
Some of the seat.
No.
I took him to Fish Fish Chicks is my favorite restaurant, okay, And so after we did that, we've just been talking now.
So literally, he hit me up after like congratulating me on my last show, and I said, you'll be playing and his response was like, nah, I'm on your ass, And I immediately responded and was like, you're not on my ass because I don't have I don't have flowers sent from you to congratulate me on my last show. He set some of your address right now. And it's literally just that I don't want to. I don't want the words anymore. I don't want you to sit here and gaslight me. I don't want you and I don't
want to use all them like buzzwords. But I know what I want if you're going to see here and be able to say, you're proud of me for completing my toy that you know I've been on for fucking eight months.
Where's my flowers?
Yeah?
Show me?
Also, like, sometimes I think what I have learned a little bit, men are waiting for men watch women like that are doing shit and they're like, oh, she got other niggas.
I ain't gonna tell you that.
I don't I mean right, And it's not that I want to say that, but but I want you to show up in the way that if I sit here and travel to come see you, it makes.
Sense again being on the same page, being on the same page.
I have a date coming up with this guy. I wanted to show you him. I think he's super sexy, Okay, tall, he's like in tech ish but so my type, just like you could tell he's weird.
That makes me like.
Him, But really witty and one thing I did meet him on an app and one thing that he I mean, you just show me his app profile? Oh no, but nobody else made him out of my app. And one of the things I realized on his profile that I don't see is he's looking for his long term relationship in monogamy, like.
Monogomy, bitch, You can't do this, you being honest, Yeah, I think I could. You don't want to fuck itches together, though, but that ain't monogamy. It's monogamish. Look at you already been though.
I was saying you, I'm not sucking a bitch right now, So I figure I could live like this. But I did think to myself like, oh, like, you know, I I fantasize a little too much as a spicyes. You put you play these scenarios in your head. But I was like, yo, the one thing that I know that I need that sounds so mean. Oh I do need a fun nigga with money, bro Oh, I just said that I can't. I just said that to my homegirl.
My ex nigga had enough money to where it was cute, but it wasn't my money. And now literally twenty two year old make more money than me. And I literally tell my therapist, I said, but at least I know when we go out he got it and his apartment is.
Nice, and money is just not going to be an issue at all with us.
I just don't like thinking about what we're about to spend because like, I know how I rock, but same.
Here's the thing, bitch.
We have a handful of rich friends, and then I have a handful of my day once and maybe aren't rich, right.
But how I roll with them? Friends? Like my trip TV is the last summer, bless you me.
Gabby Andre went and I was like, okay, we playing this in seventy four hours, nigga, I'm not flying fourteen hours sitting now, and.
Everybody's like, oh, we were not.
And we fucking picked the best match and we found we fucking did it all.
We had amazing dinners, and I was.
Like, I want to do this with a nigga, but that nigga gotta gotta move like this.
And also I don't want to be so crazy. Wow when I meet a rich guy, more than I wanted to be normal. So like that's matter of fact, that's my mantation.
Give me. I want to know that you.
Do like that salty ass motherfucker caviar. I need to know what you bro. You stall me ordered that shit before I ordered it yesterday.
Oh you order eating it?
I bitch, I saw it on top of the steak but oh yeah, oh no, no, no I ordered, so we both ordered nobu before bitch I had a hole of ma ho lim t say what I do.
This is my hack.
Caviar be one hundred and twenty five minimum right for four ounces?
Three ounces? Maybe sometimes No, bitch, I just been one hundred for one at a steakhouse.
Maybe you're right, but you could get caviar top tartar. I'll do that and then I'll put it on top of the other ship. I'll be playing, I'll be trying. So I just feel like I want to scamming caviar.
You're annoying.
I just want to man that also does is shit? I agree, because for me, that's the energy I want at this age. I want to invite it in. I was inviting it in when I was in my twenties and I was able to get it. It was just another niggas money, And now I just want.
I want to invite it in as a companion.
When I was with Oldbay, that was one thing I'll say that I enjoyed whatever the fuck we wanted to do. We did it right, and I need that again right like bad bitch, Which is funny because our vanilla shit is about the opposite and welcome to dating.
Man, it's about dating for love.
Nope. So, according to the New York Post, men are manipulating women with a sick New Penny dating.
Trend or psychological torture, however you want to do it so.
According to Indy one hundred, the method involves a man putting in one hundred percent investment at the beginning of romance before deliberately dropping the level of effort until his female partner fit fel lucky to get the bare minimum. Oh TikToker Erica Sam explain the tactic in a viral video they gained seven point six million views. Damn said that she was talking to a male friend about quote unquote love bombing, inundating a new partner with constant and
extravagant displays of affection early in a relationship. The friend then told Damn that men have their own perverted twists on this tactic.
Dug the penny method. This is the real thing.
The palate explained that men imagine a woman is like a piggy bake, and they adjust their investments accordingly to get her interested. Obviously, at first you have to be feeding her one hundred dollars bills. Now here's where it gets sick.
This feels so really hated.
The friend went on to explain the adjustments of attention. Over time, a man would deliberately decrease the amount of attention given to the girl before inflating it again, ever so slightly, to appease her. However, over time the investments become smaller as the woman's self worth is eroded. So after putting in one hundred percent effort in the beginning of the relationship and grabbing her attention, a man decreases
his investment than to ninety percent and then less. Basically, you just keep repeating the cycle and winning her off your effort until you get to the point where you're giving her pennies and suddenly they're excited to receive a nickel.
This reminds me what niggas are nice to you before they fuck you. Yeah, there's no advice say that, my nigga that has to fuck you yet.
Bro, the fact that my relationship now with men who I haven't fucked is so much stronger and fulfilling to me the niggas I've given my pussy too. This is exactly what that reminds me of. Niggas will show up and show up and show up and show up for you, and then once you give them the pussy and they feel like, oh my god, I've conquered exactly what I needed.
They're gonna give you just enough to keep getting ready. Here we go, oh, probably like.
Uh, what are we doing? We don't need to be fucking these niggas for ninety days. Yeah, I don't think the time. I don't think that that's oh true. But okay, Alex is producing a podcast at the moment where a woman whose Instagram is called Matchmaker Maria.
Okay, I know her. Uh, she was gonna come on the pod. She was the matchmaker for a bisimone. Okay, I didn't know her, I'm familiar with it. But he told me you should try this thing I heard Maria say. He said, she says you need to have twelve dates before you have sex. The dates don't have to be real dates. They can be phone calls.
It could be. So I feel like it's good me too.
And he was like, apparently that's like a like a touch point or some way. I don't know what the real thing is, but long story short, I think that's a cool piece of advice because I do think there needs to be some investment in your time together. And I think that what had gotten me a little bit stronger with the dread nigga before it was just that I didn't live here, so we had to keep up with each other, right, And I realized that. I was like, oh,
it ain't like I wouldn't have fucked. We just didn't have time to go on those days. Yet I mean, I feel like also because we are also comfortable. When I say we, I mean women in situationships where we received the bare minimum as soon as the nigga's just nice, we think that they're giving us a lot more.
Yeah, that we're that they're giving us a lot more than they really are. And so in terms of men who don't know who else, you're entertaining a man who comes off, which is what I told you actually and which is why I stopped. I felt like the nigga in the Bay, I felt love bombed. I felt like he was too nice. He was helping us pack up the show like and I was like, ooh, this feels too nice, like too soon, and I retracted from that.
But I also was like, oh, this is probably what works for people, because a lot of men aren't nice. A lot of men, especially the ones that look good or got money, they don't have to do much. So to know that men will show up again as they're representative, real nice and then once they got you, wish they got you and they can just show up starting to get less.
I do feel like, I mean that was I mean a lot of.
My relationship, to be honest, any boyfriend I've ever had, it was consistent, Like old Bay wasn't the nicest.
He actually got a nicer.
Okay, but what about like just other people, like because this is this is the dating method, So this isn't we go together. This is niggas that probably you fuck and after a while it just becomes alonggoing situationship because they just feeding you less and.
Less less as a pisces and as someone that's very emo. Niggas need to know what to do to keep me okay, and they kind of do it okay, but I'm also very vocal about it, so I don't know if they're just doing it out of reluctancy.
But like, I'm share the sex message I was. I was a little bit live shocked. I was actually a little.
I said, uh, oh shit, but you know, I'll be young. What's up love digs Okay?
I said, Oh my god, I think I know why I was being needy. I was just like, really not feeling good after the show. I'm sorry, I've been working so hard. I just don't know what to do right now. He goes lool not baby, this SHO want a regular and it's okay, you are needy, but I like it, and I'm like, oh, he's just trying to be nice.
But no, but also you've expressed that you're needy and you've looked at that as a bad thing. And he's like, bitch, I'll see you for who you are, and I guess I'll like empty.
And I also think, like if a man enjoys super soft, girly shit, and maybe that's what I've been able to lean into. I realized that the other day in my house, we were on the couch and he was like Okay, let's get in the bed. I'm like, why you said you don't want to see I know you want to be close to me, And I was like, it is cute, but I kind of do like when a man can
read it on you. And I think that maybe I've been kind of fortunate to date men that are getting it with me, like and maybe they've jumped me too early if they realize I am a lot now. I'm not so in your face about it, but I think niggas could feel it. Like you know, when someone could tell you without saying it to you, I might be real quiet.
If they're like, oh, I gotta go, I'll be like, okay, like I'm mad about it. You know I'm mad. Oh yeah. So then I'm very vocal of it, like I want the kissing and the hugging and all that shit. Maybe walk out this door.
I think that that's the difference now with me though, like the nickel ain't gonna bee enough. You got it bye, like and I'm now gonna be a little bit more vocal with the things I need. And if you can't do it, I'm not gonna wait for you to find out how to do it.
Go give the next bitch of nickel. I don't want a nickel.
I mean I wanted a whole silver dollar hall. I want a hundred dollar bill. I want the blue cheese bills.
That's a man that's not trying to I think I was watching or listening to something that said, why do men need to hit the.
Numbers for women? And the number like, why do they need to fuck women? What is the goal?
Sometimes when they don't want a relationship and a lot of it they it said, could be a social climb, saying oh I took that bitch down.
Not only social climate, I think it feeds their own ego as well. Yeah yeah, and.
So it's like being able to say they fucked you. And so one of those things is literally doing exactly what they think it'll take to get you, and not just that but like.
They're getting off at doing it.
But I think the consistency is something that again is so difficult to find. But as women that want things and it's men to anybody listening, we definitely need to be vocal.
And what we need keep period. BDD cooked me dinner the other day and was like rubbing my back and was like, you love this sheep?
I ain't, but those listening I have realized. Now this is not a hord drive or anything like that, but there's this nigga I follow the way I have been turned on by niggas they could cook, because wait, my ex can't. And then twenty two year old, when I told him, I was like something to come over, You're gonna cook for me? And he said he'll, he'll, He'll have the chef come over. Because the nigga got money.
He's like, I have the chef come over. And I was like, why the fuck do I keep meeting niggas that can't cook?
A part of me want a nigga that know how to cook. I need. Maybe I got a data to make.
It at this point because American niggas don't hot to cook.
It's an American thing cook. I feel like Islanders and African men know how to cook. That nigga maybe he just don't.
All I know is all the American men I keep meeting, and yes, the African Americans, because y'all know, I don't date the whites or anyone else.
All the niggas I date do not know how to cook. They literally will tell me they don't know how to boil. Walk is the only nigga.
I feel like I need to get me a curbban man this year, So did I gotta have a nigga make me a whole meal.
I want a nigga to be like bib B.
I want to make you foughts even though don't make me fair, but I want you to like feed me.
You want to not be hurt working. I want see that you're making bad way, bitch.
I want to see a nigga in the kitchen with a little apron, and I want him to know how to put like the little seasons all over the little shit.
You want to see a nigga with an apron.
Okay, maybe not the apron, but I want to see him with some basketball shorts, no shirt. So don't cook no bacon because that baby, that bacon greats gonna pop it at you and I don't want you to hurt. I want to see a nigga just basketball shorts with the slides, the little Joda slides, little hood nigga with the sock.
Song making some motherfucking a meal.
And when I say a meal, I need a vegetable, I need a starch, and I need a meat Hope. I want a nigga to be like and you know what, I even made dessert.
I want that. God damn it. Let me get off the Food Network. Gotta be bad as hell. Anyway. I want to start tagging Mandy and your meals. You mad, no I follow me. I ain gonna hold you.
I follow a lot of cooking ass niggas on Instagram. Bitch, I'll be saving a little recipes like leimme I meat this one day, all right anyways, and set up poor Dirt because I not have sex. I wanted to get into Hope facts, which was really interesting. This is digging into Spartan women. Okay, So Sparta was in many ways an odd one out of ancient Greece.
And y'all know I've been to Greece.
While women in Athens were kept so secluded that they were sought to speak their own dialect, Sparta's women received great freedom for the time. When the Spartan queen Gorgo was asked, why is it that you Spartan women are the only women that lorded over your men, she said, because we are the only women that are mothers of men. But here's the crazy thing. I want to get into what happens on their wedding night. But y'all a mother, Now, this is for spartan women, and this is what took
place on their wedding night, which was really interesting. The wedding night could be a strange affair for a spartan woman. Her hair would be shaved off and she would be dressed in a man's cloak and sandals. Thus dressed, she would wait in the dark for her husband to steal in and have his way with her. Some historians have suggested that this cross dressing on the part of the bride was to get a man more.
Quote unquote used to spending time.
With his male brothers in arms and used it to the delights of homosexuality.
That's kind of hot, Is that not crazy?
We talked about cross dressing on this pod as it pertained to men dressing up very feminine like, but we've never.
Talked about scared. Look not cam scaring you, bro. I don't know why. I just thought we were getting dropped. I told you. I mean, just were in Brooklyn. Y'all, don't listen so fucking weazy. Wait we're in Brooklyn.
I thought, Yeah, bitch, I watched some shit last night about like home invasions and it's.
Just kind of like, sorry, here's an ex we Anyways, it was really interesting because I was like, damn, I don't think we've ever really talked about cross dressing where women drew us up as dudes and have their male partners fucking.
The only thing that I'd seen like that was in Sex and the City.
Oh wait, just look at here we go, y'all in twenty twenty four, we're still getting sex with the city preferences.
Let's go sex in the city of going.
So basically, Charlotte went to this guy's place because he wanted to paint her.
He likes to paint women as men, and.
When she put on the suit, he put like a bull's nerve hands and she was like, oh, I felt more masculine, I felt like a man. I felt like I could pull him into me. She made out with him, made the first move, and it was hot because literally like he got to look at.
Her being womanly and fuck her. I think that's why nigga. And I was like, I want to ask you, thus you dating a nigga?
Nope, let's get it to I would love to know if you are how you rock with this. So you date a nigga, You meet a nigga and he's like, Yom, I want to fuck you. Want some timbalance with a throwback jersey, with a snap back in a dou rag and I want you to bush your eyebrows out no makeup.
I like that. You like it?
Niggas like when I have my hair and a bunch because they say I look like loving basketball.
And on that note, look what that you do? Not look like annihilate the whole, but the little vibe hole. Have you ever even played basketball?
Ho?
It doesn't matter, bitch, I fucked a basketball player. Okay.
On that note, the horrible decision this week, This is what I've been sitting on because this is literally where I've been mentally, and with this show being seven years old, with us just wrapping up the climax tour, I wanted to have the conversation around sexual liberation. Are we really
sexually liberated? And this came from an article from the New York POSTY had a gun, We're an Australian woman said she had sex with three hundred people in one that's insane, but shout out to her and found the experience quote unquote empowering. She's twenty six years old and goes by Anna Knight any night, and she told She said that she even managed to bed five people in a single day during the Frisky Fun Year. She said, I felt empowered afterwards. Sex makes me feel good. It's
meant to make you feel good. Night sleeps with men and women, and told the radio program that she met many of her sex parties on dating apps. However, she also has a quote unquote roster of regulars on speed dial that she calls up whenever she feels like getting god and dirty. She said, the messier the sex, the better. Not everyone is impressed with her unashamed enthusiasm for sex, and one hater described her as disgusting. A few years later, I got fired from one of my jobs. I just
started a new role. I was on day five and actually went homesick that day. Received an email saying termination of contract. She went on to explain that she was shocked, didn't know what was going on, and before opening the email to discover screenshots of her adult content. There were
a list of four reasons while she was fired. Basically, they said that she falsely advertised that she had a side business, didn't ask permission from the company to run a side business, and that she had online pornographic images of herself and crude language that was against company rules.
Okay, we talked about.
How that's settled for law enforcement and things like that, but I really wanted to talk about in this age of celibacy.
I actually want to build on that a little bit. Yeah, talk to me.
So I felt like I had to sex shame someone that came to WTF media recently. Oh, do explain not the same mind you if any of the employees were making sexual content, that'd be fine. We had someone bring a sub and I think I mentioned it to you when Steph Dohm was in there and they were walking their sub around the building and start us into trouble. And you know, we've been there three years and like Alex and I don't want to fuck this shit up.
And I was like, bro, I.
Understand people of their kinks, but like, you're not about to get your shit off to the point where we get kicked out, like feeding people as you know, people are paying their rent from our businesses.
Like, you're not about to fuck this shit up.
And so I actually came down on the employees possibly a little too hard to where It'siana was even like bruh, everybody works really hard. Like I was like, if anybody does this busy, anybody do this again? If you watch some shit like this happen, it's your responsibility to make sure when no one's fucking up in this building that we stay here like this is our jobs if not, like fuck everybody.
I was so upset.
And this is a while ago, but I remember thinking, like, was I shaming that person's sex life? They also are paying to use the studio. But I do think there's a way that you need to conduct yourself in terms of professionalism when it comes to the content that you're making and how it coincides with the businesses that you interact with. Like granted, yeah, I want people to make whatever they want. I've had people ask if they could
do sporting stuff in my school studio. I've had to say no, right, Like, there is certain imagery that I want to be out there and some that are not, And I think it's perfectly fined. Where I remember in the past we had started debating about a student's mom. Yeah, that I feel like doesn't count because like it's a kid.
How can you blame their mother.
But for work places, I'm kind of starting to change the tie a little bit. Okay, so nurses and the only fans I know. Ali Ray is a big performer that was very popular. She may be one of the most famous. There's New York post shit about her about how she got fired. She was under There was a lot of law enforcement last year as well in the last couple of years because of the pandemic that.
Were let go.
I don't think I think two things. I don't think your past should be held against you.
Okay. However, if someone does.
Have something in place where they don't want pornography shared within their like.
I get it. WHI I'm wondering.
I mean, I haven't applied for a job, but if that was a question asked, it's the same type of question where you can't lie on applications even which is why they ask about Beelaniese and you know any sort of charges or have you ever let been let go of a workplace?
They asked these questions also to see your honesty.
I think that there is character morals in which companies hire people that are employed by them.
Entertainers are held against with their with their commentary on tweet all the time.
You know what I'm saying. So shit.
I remember what Forbes didn't want to work with me because I said something on this podcast recently. They were like, oh, well she said that we did X Y Z, and like, ooh, it is what it is. I used to want to be in Forbes so badly. Guess that'll be done, right. I mean, it's true they didn't want me to have a show about a certain type of sexual content.
So it sucks, but that is their choice. What can I do? Right? You know?
I think the conversation that I wanted to quickly have was around being really sexually liberated, and it comes from in my quest of celibacy. I've questioned what sex has meant to me in the past, what it means now. The sexual revolution, by the way, is known as sexual liberation, where it's a social movement that challenged traditional codes of behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships throughout the developed
Western world from the nineteen sixties to seventies. Sexual liberation included increased acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships, primarily marriage, the normalization as well of contraception, and the pill, public nudity, pornography, premarital sex, homosexuality, masturbation, alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion now in all of which
that stems forward. I know that that's so what we represent here on horrible decisions, but it's been really like almost draining to me to relive some of the decisions on why I had sex in ways that I think internalized that it was liberating because I was making the decision, But then you know now that I have a different relationship with money, with my body, with myself, I realized that I was maybe feeding in and having sex more so for the other person more than myself at all,
And I think that that's where I'm like, now, I want to make sure I'm having sex for my.
Reasons, Like for me even being in a.
Non monogamous relationship for three years and being in the sex club space and being violated in those spaces with people that are supposed to know the fucking Code of Ethics, is.
Like, what's liberating about this?
But it's also because I feel like I've been hurt by it, and I think that when we think of sexual liberation right, it's it's been hard to feel violated in a space that made me feel so liberated, but also to know that sex is something that's so empowering that could also be so demoralizing in terms of trigger warning when we talk about sexual assault, when we talk
about manipulation, when we talk about rape. And it's just been this thing where I've just been like, what exactly my relationship with sex, what exactly is liberating about it? And because you've been able to have such a healthy, explorative relationship over the past few months, I wanted to just have that conversation what is liberating to you about sex right now in your thirties and has that changed from how you viewed your relationship with sex.
In your twenties.
I think I'm having all the sex that I want to have. Okay, When I was with Old Bay, towards the end of our relationship, I had sex with him because I felt like I was supposed to as a girlfriend.
Not saying that he ever forced me. I want to be very clear, our relationship is very consensual. It was more about like I'm mad at this thing. Oh he cheated on me, I hate him. Oh I'm not that attracted to him anymore.
It was just like but.
I'm gonna do this right because I'm trying. All the sex I'm having is because I want to. It's either me initiating me welcoming it. And I think that is the biggest part of sexual liberation period. Anything is from a libertarian perspective, is a choice.
But and that's probably why in the beginning of.
The conversation about fun and you're saying I'm done with fun, I think I wasn't having fun. I was maybe in the past feeling used instead of feeling like I was asking for sex.
Well, and that's the thing I think in the moment, even with writing this book, going back to some of the episodes that were referenced and the partners that I know I had, at those times, I was like, was this fun? Was I having the sex because I really enjoyed it? Or did it validate me because a man actually wanted to fuck me because I had very low self estee.
I don't think they'll ever know.
Well, but oh no, no, no, that's what I'm saying. I'm working through that right now where it's like, actually, if I sit here and in my moment talk about what that experience was today, I'm crying about it, which means the power that maybe I expressed on the podcast and the podcast on the moment where.
I'm like, yeah, I did this, I got that money got fluid out. Uh uh.
When I reliving and rethinking of what those moments were, I realized that I was lying to myself.
And I think that that's where being liberated now.
Having this podcast and knowing we're going to be here for a little longer, you know what I mean?
I really want to.
Be intentional on if I'm having sex with someone, how and why is it making me feel as great as I used to believe it made me feel because I realized that it made me feel good because I felt wanted.
I felt sexy, but.
It was only because men actually wanted me in a space where I would cry that boots wouldn't go at my calves. I could only wear stretched pants because jeans didn't fit me. I was a size eighteen and I'm sitting here and I'm like, oh I was so I also was poor. So a nigga buying a flight meant so much, bitch, we buy flights like it ain't nothing. Now, you just said you want to beat the and plan
nation in seventy two hours. So like, even my relationship with money was so different that my association with sex, I felt like that was all I could offer, and it brought me joy that people wanted to have it with.
Oh my god, you are just making me think of something. Someone I know is having sex with a really rich man okay, who they've been having sex with for a long time. Okay, And they said to me this morning, this is someone who has an amazing job and it's gorgeous and it's like lit. They were like, sometimes when I'm with him and we're just doing that thing, I feel like I got to be the sex girl because I'm like, look at all these things you have, like
why are you here? And I was like, really, like as smart as you are and as hot as you are, like anyone would die to be with you, and that's why you have this guy.
Tell you later.
But that's so what she said is exactly what I'm trying to figure out right now. I know now I'm not I don't want to lead with sex because I actually am finally in a moment where oh, I know, why A you're here.
I'm cool as fuck, I'm little as fuck.
I got my old ship and so I'm the opposite Brianda and I just had this conversation.
Maybe I said the opposite you said.
Wait wait, I kind of said the same thing you said, but I was like, she was like, dude, I was looking at you on stage and I just thought, you're the hottest girl.
You're so pretty, like you're one of my hottest friends. And I was like, what, girl, I don't even know. Like I was like, I'm not saying I don't think I'm hot.
I was like she was like, and she was saying something in terms of like a man wanting to be with me, and I was like, there's so many beautiful women, Breonda, like I see them every day.
I think men want to be with me because I'm cool. I don't even know if it's because I'm attractive anymore. Like I think that men are so attracted to my personality. I don't even know if niggas look at me like I'm pretty. There's so many levels to like what men think bad bitches are nowadays.
Oh absolutely that like I we don't like me and you are not.
We don't edit our photos like that.
Listen and y'all see me and say I look better in person, so I let it. I love hearing that, Oh my god. But it's not because they all say we look makes you want to take this shit off YouTube? You bitches like, no, it's just they know that we look better in person. Makes me feel good.
I'm okay with that.
But that's where I'm like, Actually, first off, I know I'm gonna be your best fuck. I know I'm gonna eat your ass like another bitch, don't. I know I'm gonna have fun and we can go out and your homeboys don't like me, your friends don't like me, you'll everyone is gonna enjoy me. And so now I know that. So I'm not leading with sex anymore. And that's where I'm like, because I'm the show. So then what is my power then of sex with somebody? How does that liberate me to know that I am and I also
feel this way. Let me also be very clear, outside of all the other ways I showed up, my ex got all of me. And I realize now though, that sex is giving somebody a lot of you that a lot of these niggas don't deserve.
And that's that's why I think I only had one new body last year. I fucked BDD and Dread.
That's it and Lamba Lambot was new Lambert was that was the year before. I remember we did the plan the episode.
At the top of the year we show d and it's funny that you've made that face the show did Alex said that to me.
Like, nah, bitch, you fucked somebody. I was like dating a celibate nigga. Oh and you were dating the celibate nigga.
So then BDD and I had sex and then I met Dread. But hopefully I got some dick for a new dick in New Year. But who But anyway, point is I realized, like.
I mean, technically, you also funck the bitch that spelt like shit. No, she didn't tuck me. Well, you fucked her. I didn't. She shipped on me and she didn't shit on you. You fingered her as shit. Sure bad, but yeah, she's shit on. I hate it. I'm weak.
Anyways, That's kind of like where I've been with my mind about sex and what it means to me and how do I feel liberated again with giving somebody something that I know they want without getting what I want essentially, And I think that that's where I'm at too. That's why I'm like, Okay, in what ways do I need a man to show up? Because if I'm going to give them sex and that's all they want from me,
I do want to be sure I'm getting something. And I think that that's why me and twenty four to seven have been rocky, because I let them know I felt empty. Yeah, And I shared that on Patreon if y'all want to join us on Patreon. I explained that, like sex in the moment was so fulfilling, but then after I felt empty and I didn't feel good after sex, Like I felt like, damn it, now you're gone, and now now I don't feel.
I think you're going to get back to where you were. That's why I'm trying to fuck this twenty two year old bit.
I just think that in this particular moment of your life, you had a huge breakup, a lot of changes, a tony of changes.
I think you just need a second, you know, which is.
Why I've been celebrated for as long as I have. And I literally was like, abstince, I'm glad that I was bitch.
Shut up.
Anyways, real quick, we're starting off the air. Let's do homemail before we get up out of here. So the homemail. By the way, y'all know you can send us your homemail at Horrible Decisions at gmail dot com.
Please send some homemail because I like reading your tea.
Yeah, but also label it homemail. Okay, So hey, Weezy and Mandy spelled both of our names wrong. But let's get into it. I want to start by shouting, yeah, I love you ladies so so.
Much, not enough. I did right, see your names wrong?
I deal Bessie's for real, And so you know I've been a faithful listener since way back when, because is there anything else better to do? No, you're right, speller names right now. This is how we are not going to start off the new year. But this is why I wanted to read this. Okay, now to get to the real reason for this email. I've been involved with my situationship for like over a decade now, oh yes, decade because the things we do behind closed doors were
blank just insert there. And we recently got into a heated argument via text over the fact that I didn't want to give him no plussy. I looked at it as payback because he was supposed to drop some dick off for my birthday, and he did it. We exchanged words. His were a bit more hurtful than mine, and hurtful enough to cut that nigga off for good. I won't disclose everything that was said, but he basically said fuck
me and called me an ugly bitch. I do believe this to be true because he has never once complimented me on my looks and isn't affectionate in the bedroom now. At first, I was a tad bit in my feelings because who wants to hear those words?
But on the other hand, it kind of turned me on, knowing he.
Supposedly isn't attracted to me yet fucked and beg for this pussy like.
It was his last Ooh.
I haven't spoken to him in over five months now, a beggar, but I can't stop thinking about the fact that if he was to hit me up for sex, I would answer and proudly sit on that dick, knowing he finds me unattractive and loudly recite fuck this ugly pussy. Dren pounds out. If you want to see photos of me to be the judge, I'll gladly send them over. I didn't respond to that. She said, and I'm not gonna lie. He's fine fine. I mean green Eye is fine? Am I green Eyes? I don't know, maybe because I'm
talking about how fine he is? He said, am I Delulu in my mandy?
Boys?
Is this a kink? Apologies for the long email? Continue keeping it cute? Signed an ugly hope.
Weey? What what is your immediate thought on this?
I don't think he thinks she's ugly. I think he was just angry. Okay, because ten years you're attracted to somebody.
Okay, I'm listening ten years.
And also I'm not going to judge someone's photos at all. No me neither.
But in an argument calling someone ugly, I've called old Day ugly.
He's not ugly.
He's handsome. Literally people stopping the street and think he's a model. Like I've called him ugly because I'm mad. I think that when people are angry with you, they hit below the belt. There's thing I wish I could take back that I said about people. Whether I actually let me say this.
I don't really talk about people's weight, mainly because I just think that's so.
I could call you so many worse things. Right to me, waight is like you know what I'm saying. I could talk about your kids, bitch, because like if you will and do. Oh.
One of the meanest things I've ever said to someone was there's nothing I could say to you that's worse than what you think about yourself.
I know you hate yourself.
And I said that in an email for real to the x oh bitch Justine, and then he wrote me back telling me how much he loves himself. Okay, narcissists don't believe. You don't when someone really hates themselves, Like I feel bad I did.
You said something real mean about someone's partner when we were on the way from DC, and you were like, he is a peon and she treats him like one, as he should, and I was like, I don't remember which one, but yeah, and I remember thinking like, and she's right, Like, when there's something mean you can say about somebody, you will. So I've definitely hit blowed the
belt just because I've wanted to hurt someone. Niggas just say me and shit, But I think you know, you wanting to give someone sex that you feel disrespected by will affect you later.
I'll be honest with you. That's where I went with this.
You believe him when he called you ugly, so you have deep insecurities within yourself right now, which you haven't spoke to him in five months, but you said if he hits you, you would give him pussy because he's fine, fine, fine, And so there's validation, like I brought up earlier, there's validation in this finess man wanting to fuck you when you feel unattractive, the fact that he called you an
ugly bitch, and you're like, and he's right, that's the problem. Like, you're never going to be treated better or respected or get anything that you feel like you fully deserve if you don't feel like you deserve it. And so if this man can call you ugly and disrespect you and hit you below the belt, and five months later you're sitting in an email saying he was right and if he hits me up, I still want to fuck him,
and then trying to trick yourself to believe it's a kink. No, you're you're just in a state of insecurity right now.
And then maybe you don't feel good.
And sex they make you feel good, I bet you, especially when it's a litle finance you've.
Got to figure out the beauty from the inside. I know that sounds super cliche, but you gotta hear me. Wait, the way to not make it feel cliche. So when I felt ugly or ugliest was for me. Wait, we all have so much trauma with I know a lot of my Latina friends their their parents call him fat all the time, right.
Huh Gordon, Yeah you're getting big. They always be like, why you get so fat?
My mom I love her to death, but my mom celebrates me losing weight so much that she never calls me fat.
She just like, whoa, you look so good. You look so much better than you did if you want. And I'm like, it's just it's like a little too.
Much, okay.
But my mom is very old school, right, Like she thinks skinny is king, which a lot of people do, and so I think that fucked me up a lot. Now we all know, Miss Jewels is great. Old people don't know what they're doing. My mom is seventy two seventy three in a week, and like she just doesn't know. Like literally saw me naked changing recently in LA and was like, oh my god, I mean your body, this is your best because you weren't.
I mean, you were not like and I was like, oh man.
So I think back to moments when this happened, and it made me hate how I looked. Or it could be Old Bay telling me that I needed to lose weight or whatever it was. And so when I say, within, you got to do something that makes you feel beautiful. For me, it was constant upkeeps with hair and makeup, putting on a cuter outfit when I was leaving the house. And I literally had a nigga tell me recently the way that he knew I could dress because he ran into me.
He was like, and I was like, oh my god, I look like shit.
He's like, you think you look like shit because you ain't got no makeup on but your foot put together that little run around the street fit. That's how when you know someone can dress, start doing those little fucking things that make you feel better. Think about when you get dressed to go out and everybody tells you how nice you look. Start just putting a little more effort into yourself that makes you feel more beautiful, including working out.
You keep talking about Bar Alive, like I think bar is something that's it sounds super simple.
When you say it, but it's doing a lot.
Oh no, no, no, I just to Crystal Antsacy both my friends.
No what I said. I'm not saying it's not hard.
I'm not a simple like saying, oh no, bitch. She wasn't there looking at me like no flexibility. She said, no, nope, I mean simple.
Isn't just one class making you feel like that that is a thing.
So you have to find your thing.
Bitches need to hide you and think about your thing. But it ain't this nigga Core Mind's episode. A lot of people laughing at that. TJ Max girl.
Oh bitch, they doing Thanksgiving together? Oo do you know? Ooh y'all want a little update? Ooh real quick because I know we leave it, so hit him up.
I was like, yo, you're gonna be New York with thanks Dave, And he's like, no, no, no, I'm taking Shorty to my parents' house and whatever.
Look at you dating our episode.
No. I asked him what he's doing. That's last time I caught up with him. Okay, So he said, I'm taking her to so and so for Thanksgiving And he said, yoh, you ain't ship for that episode talking about how much money I've made and then people gonna know it's me.
I'm like, no, they're not.
And then he said, just to be clear, I offered her to quit her job, and I was like, doing what he said. I offered her a position and she told me no, And I was like, okay.
Good for. I agree, good for, like keep spending money on you.
I mean, depends how young she is. She young, she's stupid, take that job now. He said that I downplayed her position. But I guess it's TJ Max Marshall's home goods, some kind of I used to work.
I used to work it wrong.
But like he says, she's still she still be at the motherfucker TJ Max every day. But he's like, but it is like a little bit better than I explained. But he's like, yo, but he's like, even in my bit brain, I feel you like there are moments where I go out and I'm trying not to feel that way. People will ask her what she does for a living, and he was like, she'll fucking name drop TJ Max, and I'll be sitting there like Nigga, we're a damage and buffalo, Like Rihanna's at the other table.
What's wrong?
With you, and he's like, but I can't do that because I'm in love with this person. So I mean, I love girl. So I say all that to say. One of the things that he said about her dimentioned on por Mines is she's always doing shit to like improve herself and he found that so sexy.
We all should be doing that. Bruh, b these niggas, we need to do it for us and they will find you.
That girl was walking around the fucking airport. Do you attract people when you're doing shit like that? So if you want to fucking be attractive to people, you got to be attractive to yourself.
Start pouring in and so this nigga, ain't it sis? And yes you're int Lulu, right? He ain't that fine? Send me a matter of factn't send me a picture. You send me a picture picture. I can't wait to break you look like well.
Anyway, y'all, make sure you support us by subscribing to our Patreon. We have a ton of new content coming in twenty twenty four, so make sure you rock out with us on Patreon. That's patreon dot com. Backslash Horrible Decisions. We are no longer eighteen plus and you should be able to find us. Also make sure you follow us on on Instagrams and such. It's at Horrible Underscore Decisions
and then at Horrible Pod on Twitter. Thank y'all so much for listening to yet another episode of Horrible Decisions.
Peace, Fine,