Guess what decision we're about to make. Horrible decision.
Welcome guys to another episode.
Of Hungry Blaze your Oh my goodness, we are back at it again.
Still sell a bit, probably not by the time y'all actually hear this episode because I am about to get fucked, but I am Mandy b Aka about to get fucked aka by your daddy probably AKA.
What's the not she wants them to have kids? What's up, y'all, I'm weasy. Welcome back to another episode. A few things
off the top. I feel very self healthy today. Okay, yesterday I had a day where I just spent a lot of time committed to Like sometimes we get advice about whether it be manifestation or listening to certain things, and I was like, Okay, I'm actually just gonna take all of those things do them instead of like bullshitting okay, kind of like how when people say they're gonna go to the gym, but they don't go, right, I feel, and I'm not saying that to be shady to anyone listening.
I mean, like, sometimes we know we need to do it for our health, we know we need to do it for our mental but we don't so yesterday I just did all the things I said I was gonna do.
And what were some of those things?
So during some tough moments this year, I hit up all the people that I felt like had elevated within the last year, just right before my eyes, just like fucking blow up right. One of my homegirls recently started a new business and one of the things that she told me to do was start talking to myself more. Okay, and it sounds kind of looney to me, but the
gin will hold you. She was like, the second you feel like a tear coming on or just something making you feel sad, you have to start talking to yourself.
So literally, yesterday it started.
Happening, and she was like, even if you feel stupid, you might like laugh at yourself, but you gotta do. I was like, bro, you are so beautiful. I like looked at myself in my own eyes in the mirror, and I was like, you're so beautiful. You work so hard, You're going to get everything you want. Questlove sent me mourning meditations and he was like, he is one of those people. And I don't know if anyone listens to
quest Love Supreme. I don't listen to podcasts. But there's no way he doesn't talk about this because he's been this person since I've become his friend. He is so like, you have to wake up in the morning and have a routine or you're not going to be successful. If you think that you can even wake up and not show gratitude, not stretch, not do these things, you can't be a functional, successful being, period. And he's been saying
that to me forever. So finally I did his morning meditation shit, and one of the things in the meditation it was saying something about picture the life that you want, like, meditate on what that life feels like, think about that feeling and transfer that feeling into your body right now. And I've done thatation meditation a few times, but maybe
I was just more open to receive it. It's crazy, like I literally thought about I don't know what he looks like, I know he was, Like I thought about me being outside with Nina and my man, and mind you, I've been having a lot of these days with the dread dude on day and right, we'd go to the parking shit like that, but I just pictured dumb man and like, was it a man that you know already. I don't even know a face. I just know the
way that it made me feel. And it was very intense, and I was like literally in the meditating smiling thinking about it.
That's how real it felt to me. It felt so like at home.
It felt like I knew who it was and it felt right, and like I don't know when that's going to be welcomed into my life, but I had to know how it feels like.
And I think.
Another thing I was doing I literally journaled in a bar. I was at smash Burger and I got a journal and I started journaling the things I want. And I'm really not scared to say it out loud, because I find that sometimes I get very shy about expressing the things I want out of love because I know how
like sinister and lonely single bitches could feel. But when I was broke, I was talking about how rich I would be, and so if an amazing love is something I'm gonna welcome into my life, like I'm gonna talk about it the same way.
There were so.
Many moments where I remember even talking about my studio or the things I would want or the money I would want to make, and maybe somebody looked at me and like laughed about it.
So that might be happening right now, but I can't.
Give a fuck about it because that's just like what I'm destined to have. So when I was writing down the things that I want, it was interesting because number eleven was something that I talked to my way Andre last night about it, and I was like, am I a bird for wanting this? So the first ten things are things that are deeply intellectual and spiritual in what I wanted a person, and number eleven was very basic and it was someone I can party with. And I was like, Yo, do I not know what I want?
Because is this why I'm being kept from a good relationship because I'm looking for niggas to party with. He's like no, but do you really think you want to party? Like is that where your brain is at? You think you'll be there? And I'm like, bro, Like, look at my mom. My mom was a studio fifty four girl. My mom is seventy two years old, right. My mom isn't party on the weekends, but if my mom and I are out together.
She is the life of the party.
I don't think that that's I think that a lot of women associate partying with the fun girl.
There's a lot of relationships that I know now like that.
I see they literally plan to go out and they'll go to clubs together, they'll go to dinners after.
And I think, is that social or party? No, it's just them too.
It's not for work, which that's that is what I identify as social.
Social media is I'm going.
To network, I gotta be around people, I gotta show face. They literally went to like uh and they're married, married couple went to Habibie, which is this news place in Brooklyn, and then literally went to the rooftop, went to hookah and literally bounced around, had a good ass time. I remember that outside of the sex club, me and my ex used to do like and I think that that was a part of the things that I enjoyed like. It doesn't Partying has defined differently. Doesn't have to mean club.
It could mean it could mean Sunday football, were going out, we gonna watch the game. We're just gonna be out around people and talk to me. And so the idea that I think you have to get out of the phase of or the mindset that partying is a part of and an attribute that lowers the value of a woman, which normally again the party girl, the fun girl. When we think of someone who constantly parties in the street, it's deemed as you in the street.
So I realized why I've been enjoying the relationship I'm having with the dread niggas so much. The most fun relationship I was in was obay me and that nigga just knew how to move bro, Like it's just it is what it is. Like there wasn't a dull moment. We'd be in the bed in the Lower East Side and he'd be like, all right, let's go to let like and it happened to me and throughout the other day, like we had a great day. We were biking, we were doing shit, and I was like so and like,
I don't know if anything is bad about it. But one thing he did say to me that made me feel a little like insecure, Not like he was saying it as a shot to me, but I realized, Oh, I wonder if I've seen this with other men. He was like, damn, Like, have we had like a chill night? Have we ever like watched a movie together? Mind you, this Nigga's flown to La to be with me, and no, I've never watched a movie with him, Like, I've never
just chilled. And I was like, uh now, I will say, as someone that's by coastal, maybe we just have to make the most of shit. But bro, like we're moving, we're doing have an event, or it's just something going on, or he's taking me somewhere. It's always something active and I'm hitting me like Hospital Dick is a man and really, like truly, when I'm journaling, Vicious is in a bar, like I'm thinking about the men that I've dated and why I loved them, Why what was something that they lacked?
In Hospital Dick was the man that filled me the most and poured into me the most, But he was I didn't have fun with him like that, I really didn't. He was next level love, right, like sending me fucking poetry and just making me feel like love of my life type shit, But it wasn't the same like he was a He wasn't like so much of a hood nigga more than he was Like, my bitch is lit and if someone comes up to her and starts talking to her at a bar, I gotta protect her type
of guy instead of like smiley face ah ah. I'm thinking about when I was out with the dread nigga that the night, and it reminded me of Old Bay because boom, we go out of dinner at seven o'clock like it's we in the street. So and that shit is fun and shit to me, it's a very New York night. It's something that makes me love this city. And no it's not every time, but I realize this is a fucking quality that I need in the person
i'm dating. So literally, when I'm on a date with a guy, and it's terrible because I'm talking to my guy friends about what I want and I'm trying to see what they read in me.
And Alex was.
Like, you keep looking for fuck niggas, you keep looking produce the party with you can't. The reason you can't have a boyfriend is because you don't want the guys that are just chill. I'm like, bro, but they don't suit me. Who's going to fucking hop on a plane with me? The homebody nigga that don't want to leave. What if I have four days off, I'm like, baby, let's go to Mexico. The fun Nigga's gonna go, so this isn't so again.
I just think that there's negative attributes being being added to those things. Like when we think of a partner, we want a partner that's at least got similar interests. This is just one of those similar interests that you have that you're like, I want someone to match that energy.
Like, I know we talk about opposites of t a lot.
But if this is one of those things that you really like, you can find a partner that's really into that as well.
And I look at my parents' relationship a lot as the pinnacle of what I want, not just a man to take care of me, because I'm not necessarily looking for that. I'm very independent, not saying my mother is super dependent, but she's just very much like my man is handling this right. I thought about my father and how passive he is and how chill he is about my mom going out and he doesn't have to be there.
But then I'm actually thinking back and I'm like, oh, my dad is the introvert, but never was my mom out and my dad wasn't dancing with her or wasn't smiling at her having fun. I mean, my dad is in a wheelchair now, But I remember that shit like getting up being excited about how his wife was the life of the part, like that, I do need it, And so you.
Just what it sounds like is what I realized was happening with me. You just want someone that's not going to dim your life. You want someone that's literally just going to accept you for you. You don't want to take away the joys of your life, the things that bring you happiness. That is actually a basic ask for a relationship and for someone that you deem should love you.
And that's the thing too, Like in dating, I think like we have these ideas of the wifey material or the girl who's gonna get cuffed or wiped, or what is deemed as the right type of behavior to be a girlfriend or a wife or a mother. A lot of those things are going out the window now. But if this is something that you enjoy, I guarantee you, because these niggas like doing it, They like being outside.
If you're someone that they enjoy being around, they're not gonna mind going to the club and partying with you as well.
But also, I think what is conflicting and interesting when I'm thinking about this. It's like I really do believe to most men, I don't think settling down. They don't want the girl that's necessarily house. So I think it's a very small pool for that.
That's someone that we already both swimming in small pool and we really think about it.
The pools are small, bitch. We swimming in box. We swimming in the little.
Kiddie pools that you gotta blow up and guess what, it's so old school.
There ain't no pump, Bitch. We in the pools where you gotta but.
You gotta blow it and then you might have to take a break and come back.
That's the type of pools we swimming in, bitch. So you just gotta know it's very much above ground. Kit you gonna be hard. But like it's crazy.
Because you know what I did not write down, and I was like going through it, which I wrote nothing down about him having money in this list ten years ago, five years ago. Money was almost first. I remember some of the things I wrote. I want them to be weird to someone else and not me. I want them to be alternative in some way. I brought up attractive and like the first three lines I brought up smarter than me.
It would be my first three lines too.
Yeah, I'm sorry, but like shallow as a bitch was fucking a nigga right now that like I just want to fuck all the time because he's so.
Fine to me.
Oh, I know, I would have been in jail if I got played the way I did by an ugly nigga.
I would have been like, yo.
My nigga gotta be fine, and it's this is the mental fuck of it all. Okay, I'm gonna excuse his nutty ass boy behavior because he's fine.
I knew what I was signing up for. A ugly nigga. Try me, bitch. I'm a snapped.
I mean because it's like you really you you you really fumbled me and you not okayway alternative was on there in whatever way that is, I don't know, but I realized.
That you don't have an a Polish we know.
No, maybe he doesn't, but like maybe he's just a weird ass fucking nigga that doesn't like normal shit. Whether it be music or he's had a fucking weird ass interest, I don't know, but like something about it that makes him different. Also, I think another thing I wrote on there is like taking serious pleasure in my elevation. And I've noticed with my closer friends how they take pleasure
in my wins and accesses. And I'm not saying Old Day never did that, but I've known certain men over others to be like, fuck yeah, bitch, you fucking doing it like you know? And I love that energy from a man, which is really wild.
That would probably be top three for me now because I didn't get it, because I've realized how draining it was to be with someone who, in moments that I was elated, found a reason to argue, found a reason to make me feel sad because the relationship wasn't where I wanted. I want someone who for sure can be around and pour into me, and maybe someone who sees more in me than I see in.
Myself, because bitch, I'll see a lot of myself.
So if I can get a man around me that doesn't sit here like, I'll never forget it. There was and may I may have said it on this pod. There's one thing that was said to me that when I've shared it with other men, they're like, oh, he was a hater. I remember we got together. I started the box, I started the pod with Bridget, I got the show with MTV. I'm doing all these things, and it was all literally things I said I wanted to do. And I remember hearing you better keep asking for what
you want now because this doesn't last forever. Literally, I was told that this is a moment in your life. I'm seeing you get everything you want this shit, this shit ain't gonna be forever, so you better keep asking because you may be in a moment where all of you lose all of it. That was said to me in a moment where I was like, so, first off, I was busting my ass. Second of all, I was in a place of like, Wow, this guy's the limit.
I'm doing things I would have never fucking imagined, and you're telling me that there's a time limit on this and that I.
Need to go ahead and just hurry up and get whatever.
You believed it bro he said that to me, I say it and even and I don't know in what in what experiences he's had where maybe he's seen someone get everything and lose it all after, but he literally was like, I've sat here and seen you manifest the things that you want in life. You don't know when it's gonna end, but it's gonna end, so you better get everything you want now. And a part of one
of our bigger breakups was after AVN. He made me, although he came with me there, made me feel really bad for us being a part of AVN and was like brought up like the whiteness of it and was like, oh, but it's just sex. Is that where you want to be for your whole life? And oh, why aren't you doing this? And was like we went, we elevated, were accepting a nomination. We looked beautiful, we looked beautiful, we felt beautiful. Even though we left after the first nominee.
We got to be a part of building the elevation of what this show was that we've been doing it for seven years.
And this is something that I was saying to you.
I went on a date I was saying with someone super rich and famous, and one of the things we were talking about together, I was like, I don't even need this nigga to be like hell, I need them to just fucking thrive in their work, be really good at what they do to where they're stealing so much fulfillment. You know, Old Bay was making great money but I could tell he was bored, you know, but like, great,
we lived a life we live. But also, and this is no shade to him, I also think he's a piece of shit, and you know, I hate him, but I think he was just more passionate about life than work. And in that particular point in my life, I had a passion and it was my work.
So that was kind of out of alignment. Mind you bitch saying I was with a fucking retired nigga and that can be difficult. And he was like, I lived my life and I'm here you are just which is okay, it's not can at least, but the parallel.
I don't think we think of where are our partners at in their life?
Like I don't.
I think when we draw lists, phase are you in? What phase are you in in your life? We know we've talked about building bear niggas, We've talked about holding niggas out. We've talked about maybe meeting someone young and knowing that they have a lot of growing to do.
They have a lot of growth to do, even maybe in their job.
I think now me being with someone who was retired and like I did all the work I could do.
I'm making my pension. I have this, this is me.
I didn't realize the resentment of Oh, he's at a place where his life work wise has ended. He feels like he's worked his blue collar, white collar, whatever job he's worked at for the twenty plus years of his life. He's now in a place where he's receiving the fruits of his labor.
I'm in a grind mode.
I'm not even halfway where I want to be. And I realized that it doesn't matter where he's at an industry, right he could work corporate, he could be somewhere else. He doesn't have to be in my industry at all. But I need the grind. I need to be able to have someone to understand the struggles of a setback or really being in a place where you're excelling and now you're thinking, Okay, damn, reach this goal.
Let me move the goalpost a little bit. I realized that.
I need someone that's in that same place so that we can sit here and root.
Each other on.
It is a little bit difficult when you are with someone that doesn't necessarily have your same tenacity in that but yeah, you know, and I don't even know if it was an incompatibility with Obay at all, like he was definitely making enough money. And I don't know. But what you're saying, yeah, I don't know. There's a few things that have shown me recently through the men i've
been dating what I like. I was at Cadence, that restaurant that I shouted out, and when we were sitting in there, I was with the nigga that took me. He was a Dreadonaean and some fans were there and he looked at me and he was like like, this is power, Like do you feel that? And I'm laughing because this is just in my brain. My friends I've never met before. I know they listened to the podcast. Y'all ain't have no right Tello Weezy.
I left because I didn't want vegan food and he was.
Cool, but you know she didn't. She not only was the big and they didn't have a bar, and so I felt. But I know they had costals and of our day.
I'm in this brain of it, and I really want people to tell them to hear this when they are talking to someone that they feel may need some words of encouragement. He told me that I need to start seeing myself in the way other people see me. And I think that that's a great compliment to give someone when you know there's someone who's liked, because I definitely don't underestimate like influence and influencer shit.
I think it's silly, but what he said that to me. There was another man that week who's a friend of mine who told me that he loved watching me. And I was telling you this on the plane. He was like, do you see how lovable you are?
You're so easy to love, Like if you don't, people don't know have to know what horrible is or weezy er, they don't care like you're lovable. And I think that when you're someone uh maybe it could sound like I'm being insecure, but when you're someone that's kind of finding their way, men that recognize that in you and that encourage you are definitely keepers and make sure you're opening your ears and your heart up to those people, because Nigga's got to really give a fuck about you to
talk to you like that. It's not something to me that is like real basic bitch, like you could do it, Like that's a real thing to say to someone and a kind thing, and when dating, if you're seeing that in the person that you're dating, make sure you're that person that, to me, is what will separate you from the pack. I also wanted to know what you thought about this other thing I put on my list. On the list, I put someone that is communicating how they
feel about me. Do you think that you need, if actions are being shown, someone to tell you that they feeling you, that they're fucking with you? Or do you think actions are enough? This goes to what your kink is you like affirming? I want to see actions.
What are your love languages?
I think I think they change. I think acces of service is now absolutely number one. Physical touch would be number two. Then I would say it's I've added it back because I feel like I lacked it in my last relationship. I want gifts again.
Bitch, bitch shower me.
I realized that that's been a thing that I've even been asking. And then what are the other two?
I said? Physical acts of service like I don't need.
I don't need I don't need words of affirmation and quality time is actually where I feel like I've lacked with my last partner because work has come first. Then friends and so quality time, I'll squeeze it in. And I know that that was a problem. I'll pencil quality time in because that fits around my entire schedule. I'll pencil you in, but everything else comes first. So but to me, acts of service making my life less stressful, bringing peace to me, touching me, caressing me, holding me,
modeling totally changed. Yeah, now number five, Oh yeah, that's number five for me.
It just went to number one, Okay, And I think it's because I've been so happy with the person that I'm dating, and I'm like, what is making me so happy?
One it's the time that I'm spending.
And two it's the attention, Like he's very attentive when you getting me time, kissing me, touching me.
Like that's a physical touch. Hands that number two.
But I think he's just making a lot of good use of the quality time. It's not just a but it's like a really big connect.
That's my thing.
If we have the time together, make it like I want it to be amazing, which is why, like I think we would do beach days. We would you know, do literally dinner, then a bar, then end up at the sex club and it would literally be a night that started at five o'clock and ended five in the morning, it would be the entire time.
But I think that.
It I didn't feel good the next day, and I still had to get up and work like he was retired. So the idea of us having these rock star nights and then me having to come in and record or nigga, you don't fuck my throat to death, I gotta talk. Like, I realized there was a bit of resentment because I just sometimes I just wanted to be in the house.
Dude, I think I'm gonna say this and like, seriously mean this. Maybe old niggas on't for me because and that's some of the entrepreneurial shit that like, I kind of got to see you get up.
I really don't like when men don't have a schedule.
No, and well, and then also I realized, and this is I worked through it, y'all. I realized it probably wasn't good to me because I know you're not as busy as me.
If he had a schedule or anything to do, you didn't take it serious. What the fuck you got to do? That's a little mean.
And it could be and I'm very aware of that. You don't have a job, you don't have kids.
Like, what the fuck you got to do? So what did he diely off? I don't know.
You have a funerals, go to funerals and fly to Panama off for suits. So like, again clearly there was he was juggling and sign with other women. But like that's probably where my discomfort came in. You're lying, what the fuck do you really got to do? Where you really got to go? Damn bitch, And so like, nah, you niggas need a routine and I don't. I would like, and I've been saying it, I actually would not mind when when niggas off in my comments and they hop
on here ooh, y'all wouldn't take no regular nigga. I actually don't mind a man having a schedule. I don't mind a man. I don't mind a man being a part of a fucking book club if he has to be. I would be okay with a man having some sort of routine and schedule because also that may come from a control factor where bitch, because if you steer beer off, bitch.
What you're doing. Like I'd like, I didn't mind a man having.
Aub Now, ladies, I just want to say, if you don't have necessarily a passion like we just brought up passion, maybe I don't know, maybe you're a call center. Maybe you're doing something that kind of isn't you think Nigga's gating.
Maybe something that that package of baby.
Maybe you have a job that's like office or something where you're not moving too much. I want to say this because I think it would be important for you to know having an extracurricular thing that you do is very attractive. I will say he did used to do that, he used to run, okay, would he would work out with his brother, like there was a healthcare gym routine.
That's nice and I do like that.
If you think if you listen to the Poor of Mines episode with Mandy and I and you heard us talk about or heard me talk about a man that I know that's a millionaire that's dating a girl that works at a We're not gonna say a retail store, a retail store. I'm gonna tell y'all what he told me last fucking week. And that episode was recorded a once a month ago. I was like, with by the time they hear it is two months ago.
Maybe I was like, what's up.
You'll been still working da da da, and he was like, bro, he was like yeah, Like it's crazy because she has like sometimes off hours and she does have a higher position in the job than I thought. The retail chain is kind of basic, bitch, but she does a decent job in it, right, so he said, but she's just hewa busy this week. And I was like do I want and he was like, we're learning Japanese right now.
I was like really why. He's like, she's just really into uh watching uh anime and learning about it, and she just thinks it's just something she wants to do.
And I was like, wow, so you know you got to take her to Japan, right.
He's like, oh, Like now I'm excited to like take her not only to like Japanese, right, they.
About to do amass to death. I love you. I want her to understand what this means.
Even when we're having oh macasse, why certain traditional things happen, Like I'm telling you when I'm listening to him talk and it's so funny because we were kind of making fun of him for not doing enough.
This man is so just enthralled by her and he's like.
Bro, another bitch on my line is making a million dollars through some fucking clothing brand she got. Men do not care about how much money we make, right, But he said to me, the girl is making mad bread.
And he was like, you know she's an entrepreneur. She's like killing it with his clothing. Rent. I'll tell you she is a minute. You know what she is. Most of us know who she is.
He's like, but I don't know anything else she does her self. He's like, she's beautiful, Like the bitch works out, but like, I don't know she can't work out be for self. But because he said he doesn't think that she's doing anything beyond vanity. He's like, it's just you're a baddie. You make money being bad until you sell gym clothes and like that's why you're bad. And he's like,
but like, I don't know if she learns anything. He's like, never has she told me she went on a trip because she wanted to explore her And he's like, this is just different for me.
And he's like, this girl's fucking different.
But it's not that she's It's what we talked about in the very beginning that may be something he does. So now you've met someone who is doing something in the same lane of what you like. Because just because I'll be honest with you, the way you used to speak about the gym, the way the gym has now become a part of my my healing and my mental health. I would hate for a god to be like, yeah, but the gym is for vanity. That's become something that
actually makes me feel good. I'm going to classes, like I think, I don't like that, the putting into buckets what things matter to people and what don't. And so to see here and say she's doing things just for vanity. The gym was a place I never really liked. It's now something that I go at the end. We meditate, we do the we do all the things.
Maybe and I enjoyed it for someone and you discussed that with them, you'd know, right, Like we don't miss necessarily know the ins and outside.
Everyone to the gym to get a six pack.
I mean maybe something that now allows me to disconnect for an hour.
Maybe that's you.
Though, right, So, like I think if someone's dating someone, they know when they're that type of person, Like shout out to Kayla Nicole Kayla has is a fitness girl. She's you know, talks about her fitness journey online and I literally was reading something she said the other day and I see why people get very inspired by that, because she was like, Oh, this is like the thing that's getting my body alive today, like we got to be grateful for mobility, Like this is really working my brain.
And I was like, damn, I feel that alignment, Like I really do just like what you're saying. But I'm bringing all this up to say, there are so many ways to where we can become a better person for ourselves and somebody else will be watching you and inspired by that. And especially when it's in a romantic relationship. I just think we very seldom hear that. I don't really get to hear my homeboys talk about women in that way. They're normally talking about how bad they are
or whatever it is. So I just kind of like that because when I hear about people talking about people like that, it's normally girls talking about niggas they met. It's very rarely mena like wow, she is xyz. I feel like we're always looking at some dude on this pedestal. So I just love hearing men appreciate women in that way, and I think we got to start doing that shit for ourselves, ladies, not just to catch a nigga, but on some real shit to.
Have something else. I feel you. I want to learn Japanese now too.
Well, let's get into our vanilla shit, y'all. Vanilla ship for this week is a debate that is probably WPS, but actually it's probably everyone because they are now having a debate regarding this is from the New York Post whether you should.
Shower before sex.
This debate is coming amidst the bedbug infestation that has taken place in Europe because it has moved from friends to more places and is also being traveled because it's at the airport size heat.
I don't know. I think alcohol and terminators.
So there's a blogger by the name of Karla Balucci who is urging people to freshen up before hitting the sheets and adding that it could help prevent the spread of the blood sucking parasites. I don't want anything smelling bread anything for me. It has to be clean. If not, I get the ick. Even if I had to sit in the sink, I would do it. Just freshen up.
I would be uncomfortable otherwise. She said that being clean has made for more enjoyable sexual experiences overall, and wasn't just to prevent the spread of bed bugs.
Did you know that bed bugs like remember when we were growing up and they said, lice can't get into black people's hair.
Right, Well, it's because of a lot of the times, it's because of the products. They're like a dry environment and.
Because of the and I learned this, well, well, well they don't like the grease.
They don't. So the things that we perms grease lice. I thought it was because it was the the hair was straight, and they can.
It's not even about it's not about the coarseness of the hair, it's about it.
So they feed on the scalp. They don't feed on the hair.
So it's the fact that, mind you, which is why it's connected now to PCOS cancer and all these things. A lot of the products that we put in our hair to relax it or just to grease it down, literally clog the pores of our scalp. Lice eat on blood and they're they're eating out of your scalp. So it's not the hair. Sorry, if y'all this is what I was gonna say. Yeah, So that's what it is. It's not about the texture of our hair. It's the products that we put in our hair.
You.
Uh okay, what was I gonna say? Uh okay? Yeah. Met this girl.
I think she works at a place called Laca Fella in La and she was like, girl, you're not gonna believe some of the ship that people come with in the dreads. Oh of course, She's like, head buds are the number one.
Thing and they're dreads. She's interesting, she said, to.
Cut off hair. I winded up just when you said that. I went to a Japanese headspot in La. When you talked about clogged four mm. I don't know if y'all seen these videos I did. Were they massaged they head for forty five minutes.
Bro. They put a camera. It was only like a hundred bucks.
They put a camera, a little camera in my head to show me the follicles before baste. She was looking gunked up, and I was like, damn, I guess you have braids and you put a lot of products in your hair, probably.
But like, I don't even really. I think it was just like old.
Gel from like literally that day of washed my hair with the braids in it and was showing me the follicles after it, Like my scalp looked different.
Bro.
She also talked about how the center of your head, if it's like red or tense like that means you gonna have liver or heart problems. Oh yeah, bro, it's crazy.
It's the same thing with reflexology.
When you go and get your put your feet in the water and it changes colors, they can tell you about your body. I wanted to know because we've talked about it now we don't really think of bed bugs before fucking a nigga that turned us on and things like that. So I want to know if you're out all day, you're going on dates now, is it a task for either of y'all to shower before having sex or getting into the bed or fucking on the couch er?
Is that a thing?
I remember saying. One of the most sexiest things that my last party used to.
Do was it didn't matter what we were doing, where.
We were at he washed his fucking hands because a lot of our sex started with a lot of touching, fingering things like that. Oh no, I've from a finger as soon as you come into the house, wash your fucking hands. But I'll be honest, bitch, we did not shower after every time, or we could be out, we could be watching Sunday football. I've been so where I see niggas. Now, oh, bitch, you don't with your game now where he probably showered. I came from the game
and met you at the hotel after. Like, I'm not showering in between.
I only shower after, like when I'm with a nigga, like if we were in a club normally, if I'm going like dinner or something like that, like I was clean before then we start fucking.
But and I'm not saying I only shower out.
I don't believe shower. But if I have to go to your hotel room, I might make at a wet rag and literally just not even no soap because I don't want it to smell like soap. I don't want it to taste like soap. So all wet up a rag and literally make sure as is super clean.
Pussy. Oh yeah, I'll do the hot towel thing.
But like no, I'm really trying to think about before I have sex with someone. Just like no, only when we're like coming back from the club and we lit. I just went to some club where I was at labin, bitch, and you know when I only at least started smoking. We literally walked in the door at three am and I was like, oh yeah, like we're club boards, Like we have to shower, bitch.
It was bad. I was in the shower. He was paying. It was like that drunk sex that you're about to have.
But the only thing that I can think about is the ick of other people. If it's just dinner and something like me, I don't see the ick of smells. If we were in a hookah bar, nigga, we've been sitting and smoke all night. If we are at a club where everybody been smoking weed, to me, it's the To me, there is a smell of outside or whatever.
Braves don't last. Actually, to me, it's this I'm a little outdoorsy hove. It's the smell where you're at.
After that motherfucking hike I took where y'all bitches was dragging me for going to Connecticut for a hike, Bitch, who is dragging you for going to hike? Br there was three girls I was on live that was like, I can't believe you took your ass on a Vetro North.
First of all, bitch of getting dead, I mean the train.
I mean I still catch the train, so them drag You were taking a train to Connecticut, which is thirty minutes to an hour away, depending on how deep you want.
I used to live in the Bronx. There's an hour. Okay, Well I used.
To live in the Bronx and Connecticut was literally a twenty five minute ride.
Which is why, like I get it, Like, you know, if he's driving there, cool, if he was already there, Like, bitch, damn, I.
Can't say the train there probably in the middle of America. And don't realize that we lived by Connecticut. There was some New York hos in my common We could get to other states fairly quickly. I wanted for our HORRDR this week because we're talking about showers. There are some tips for six scessful shower sex. And while I'm not a fan, there is no shower sex of success. While I'm not a fan, and there are some tips. Be prepared. First offt so make sure any and all toys are charged.
Place the lube in an easily accessible place, They say that because people water is not lub. I know it's wet, but it ain't the type of witness that you want during sex. So place lube in an easily accessible place. Confirm that you're both comfy with the water temperature. That's a big one, because maybe when I hop out the shower my skin is blistering red.
I like it really hot.
That don't feel good on a nigga balls, It don't feel good on the shaft. And you want that motherfucking water temper Sy to that man, because I great so plead to that. Also, keep starting positions in mind. You want to also be sure to add a non slip mat. I think that's the fear that also allows people not to really get into the vibe in the shower is that they're scared they're gonna slip. There are a ton you can go to the motherfucking dollar tree. Okay, get
you a no slip matt. That's another one. Tidy the shower beforehand. This is important because I'd have been in a lot of my friends homes lately. Bitch y'all have every product. It'd be one hundred motherfucking products around. If we're gonna be grabbing and holding all this stuff you don't want it to be to wear. You knock a whole bunch of products over and now you ruin the moment. Also, you got to pick up your face, wash your motherfucking COUCHI wash.
There's your body.
That many things in the shower anyway, i'd hear you. I had a functuy lady. Come, y'all will see it on sex cells. She came and she basically talked about how many things I probably don't use daily in the shower. I was like, damn, it was only three things pussy wash, Lavo Noir twenty nine, and a fucking like coconut rice body wash that I use. However, I have mad shampoo and conditioner, different types, masks, whatever.
I don't wash my hair every day. Oh, I mean, I'm not gonna lie you do. Because I'm a blonde person, Like I do a lot of the purple shampoo and then I have regular shampoo.
Do you wash your hair every day? Do you have to know? It depends like when I do.
When I set my like, I do a lot of foaming lotions, So I don't like those chemicals sit in my hair and it ends up changing my hair color, Like I'm platinum, So I constantly if I'm doing fingerwaves or I have a setting lotion in my hair, yeah, I wash it out because I don't want it to affect a my texture, but also the color.
You know what I wanted to know. So right now I'm kind of reddish braids. All my niggas all one and a half, So this is their favorite hair on me. Okay, what is men's favorite for you?
I mean, I honestly don't care. It's what I feel comfortable, and.
I'm just asking what the people said on It's weird because my favorite is the blonde.
Well, I'm in the cut that most niggas before I cut my hair was like, bitch, I ain't fucking you if you ball head.
A lot of niggas don't like baldhead bitches.
Niggas love this shit, Like when twenty four to seven came back over after we took our little break during the pandemic and during my relationship, said I don't really like this. I like this a little blonde shit on you. So right now it's this, I.
Don't like the I like the cut on you. My favorite of the colors is blonde. Then my second favorite hairstyle on you. I would say I saw some pictures of us that Siggi brought where you had the curl.
I liked you in a curly weave. That was cute. Yeah, that was my go to.
But I mean the curly weave for me, especially the halfwig, reminds me of me trying to hide my face or me trying to look smaller. So I used to do really big hair to make my face seem smaller. That was like, so like, when I look at me in the curly hair, I'm so like, this is liberating for me to be able to have a short cut.
Short hair is bold. Bro, Yeah, I don't think I have. I'm gonna lie twenty twenty four. I'm doing the buzz. So it's not gonna be Pixie. I'm going buzz. I was gonna do it. You're gonna keep blonde. Yeah, I'm gonna keep blonde, but I'm going buzz.
So I'm going from Pixie to like the amber Rose, and I'm excited about it.
Kind of fun story for you guys, go ahead.
Recently, I asked Mandy for some advice about fingering a butthole on Patreon and it wasn't the butthole that I thought i'd be fingering. I had sex with a woman recently, because I haven't had sex with a woman in a long time. But I had sex with a woman recently, and when I fingered her, she was super clean, no taste, no smell, like just great, well, we're perfect pussy taste. And I would also say, this person is very clean. I was in their home after I fingered her asshole.
There was a smell in the room that changed okay, And I probably had coffee that day. I literally couldn't finish. I wasn't going to hide the fact that I could smell the shit. I looked at my hand and I was like, there's no shit here, and I'm like, oh my god. I unlocked her asshole like I opened her booty hole. There was there was no residue.
You know, It's crazy. I was like, the smell like I opened to where maybe she's like.
Maybe or no, maybe it's just on the walls. It didn't land in your fingers. It's crazy because I got that little thing you know when you go to the nails line brush, So I have it in my in my bathroom because if I'm fingering or doing anything.
Oh bitch.
I scrub under my nails, like like before and after sex, like every time I hop in the shower. Anytime I'm done with my makeup, I take the little brush and I scrub. I know my stomach's been growling all day. I scrub underneath my nails. But I don't have sex is one of those where where it may turn me off. I go into sex now understanding there may be smells, especially like now when I when I left my relationship and went back to protected sex, the smell of condom,
I was like annoyed by it. I'm not gonna lie I've been condomsaying I haven't been using condoms. And I realized my pussy when I rubbed it, like just the smell on his dick when I sucked it. After I had to realize, like, there's literal smells that come with sex.
So I just want to say, they just can't be bothered by that. When the shit came out of her ass.
You said there was no shit on your fingers, so the shit came out of her ass, the smell smells happened.
It was super uncomfortable because I feel like her and I were both very aware that like we couldn't finish, and she texted me about it after and the text message almost any more uncomfortable. She's like, Oh, here's the thing, and I'm bringing this up because I feel like we need to talk about how to get away from awkward situations.
The text message I got was so insecure and weird and uncomfortable that like I felt myself trying to pacify her for the moment, and I wish you could have just like laughed it off.
She was like, it was like almost like a long Oh I.
Don't even want to read it because I feel bad, But basically it was like this, like I feel like you're never gonna see me again. I've known her for just like a little bit. We've been flirting around while I grab a drink randomly, and so we had sex, where like it was a very quick thing. Okay, So when it happened, I had felt like maybe it would have happened in the past, But when it happened, I feel like when I said would have happened in the past, I mean just us fucking.
I felt like she could have just been like, oh my god, girl, let's shove in the shower.
Like there could have been this something that you covered it up with, but instead you just wrote me and told me how I'm never going to see you again because XYZ happened.
How years There was.
Probably a level like where you made her feel uncomfortable. But I mean we've talked about this. I think it was with four. Like we both respond very differently to bodily functions. I would say, I like we talked about the farting with four. I'm finding comfortable with that, and I don't think there's a problem.
You know, if there's a way I can make someone feel comfortable for shit, I think.
What we could do it. But it wasn't even shit. It was just the smell of an anus.
It wasn't the smell of an as many.
Basically, what I think happened was after my hand came out of her, not my whole hand. It was like two or three fingers though. I just think that the fart really was there.
Was there anything on the sheets? Here's what I'm saying.
I feel like there has to be some kind of dialogue that you have when we all can smell something thank pussy too, bro, Like when my hand came out of her, I think she just kept fighting. I think her boat was like open and like the fart was so intense. Bro Like you know when it's thick in the air. I don't know if there's a wor you hear a noise, there's music on. I mean there's air. I mean to me, I'm not gonna lie. I go into anything anal understanding. There may be a mess or
a smell. I mean, we're humans. We can't control that.
If there are. We not going to talk about the business smell. There's nothing she could have. I mean, damn, your summer really growling. I'm hungry, I'm starving.
To me, there's no she's really loud, and look, you can't help that your stomach is growling. I'm not she ain't she probably there was no ship. It was just a smell. It's an aintal smell. To me, I'm not gonna lie. There's nothing to talk about. It's a humanly bodily function. Bit ch'all was in the motherfucking depth's a lounge the other day. This nigga walked by and we heard me me, this lady crossby, and.
The lady next to me. We all just looked at each other. We're like, yep, that's what he just said.
He just sparked, didn't fucking apologize, kept on walking to the motherfucking buff face. It didn't say nothing. So we're all just looking at each other. We have a quick laugh, and then, bitch, we all go back to our laptops that he knew her motherfuck hole. Okay, but okay, I know it sucks for it.
I'm not gonna lie.
I've looked on the sheet and seen something on the sheet. Bitch, I might pull the blanket over it.
Do I see here and be like, damn, you see the st mark our left on the sheets?
No?
I see here if we're I'm in the booty hole, Like if anything is happening in the boodhole, bro, we don't see here and acknowledge that a bodily function took place. We literally realize that that's what we were. I feel like you can say this, but we don't talk about it.
I feel like you can say this because you don't smell it. No, but I've got antal sex. Have you ever smelled eggs when you're old? Bitch?
I have fucking pegged a nigga and I pulled that shit out, and shit was on the strap. I have definitely seen and smelled shit. I have seen skid marks on sheets. To me, if you are going into the boodhole, I what I'm not gonna do is makes makes someone feel like damn, nay, thank you, or that I know where I'm at I know where you at either or and no, I'm not gonna lie. There has never been a conversation about anything left or smelt while antal sex.
We literally go and clean up and get back into it. The emotional dumping on me was the issue.
Also, she doesn't know I have a podcast, which is why I'm feeling uncomfortable talk about this in this moment.
All right, I'm saying this is why. That's why I'm bringing it up.
She doesn't know I have a podcast, so that's why I'm feeling comfortable to talk about you.
But did you have someone that don't know you have a vodcast? Now, where'd you meet her? Because, bitch, I'm trying to meet niggas that don't know I got a vodcast honestly in the Lower East Side. But she foreigns, so that's probably why, Like she's.
Not And it's crazy because when you meet black foreign people, it's like even funnier because you're just like, damn, you're really not African American.
Wow, all right, but uh no, we have we have a lot of are no, no, no.
I'm saying when you're having when you're having conversations like a hip hop and we.
Got South Africa, we got London, we got a lot of places overseas with hip hop with us.
Yeah, I was too, bitch. I went to Ghana.
I didn't realize how many fucking HORRORHID members were in Ghana.
No.
I mean, I'm dating an African dude who's like, yo, like this country should you be listening to do not resonate bits?
But nah.
I think like what made it crazier was the request for the anal ship and then the emotional dumping after. So that kind of of like really made me uncomfortable, Like I don't want this to now be something where like you know, if you're hella insecure about it, you gotta dump on somebody else. Bro, you can't dump on the person you just have sex with.
That's why you're talking about it on the podcast you're doing right now.
No, I'm jumping like dump. I didn't just fuck you and part in your face Manby.
But see, I've had a girl fart in my face while I ate her pussy, and I laughed about it later.
Bodily functions.
Bodily functions, you're trying to shame me for not being able to have sex.
With shit, I'm not me and her literally never talked about the fact that she farted while I.
Was there, but we kept going, Okay, you know what, noise, smell, skid marks.
I told you if you win a bootle hole just expected.
It was like I opened something that was expired and riding for a week.
It was like a tapeworm was in her stomach. That's how bad it was.
But okay, anyway, we haven't really done home mail in quite some time. We're going to get into home mail. Clearly, the horrible decision this week was all about the vodahole. So I have this pulled up and I feel like they're probably from San Francisco. I don't know because it says home mail, fuck the whole family.
This is the subject line. This is a lot of things.
This is a confession, a request for advice, and a shout out to Mandy because I'm going through something similar aka dating a fucking shape shifter.
The short version.
There are two sisters in a family, and I have fucked each of their significant others at different points in my life.
Oh bitch, Oh bitch, is this a nigga.
From No, this was just saying while we was in Orlando. So this is not very this is this is not old.
Wow.
I should mention that I did not do this intentionally and only found out when I started deep dive stalking my most recent partner.
The first sister. The first sister travels a lot for work. She's a girl boss.
Her man worked as a DJ at a club, and I fucked him at twenty on a messy night. I was young and I'm MOLLI and he was a beautiful six or four linebacker looking dude who wanted to eat my pussy?
How could I say?
No?
How could cha?
After exchanging numbers and hooking up with him for a few months, I did the classic girl thing and stalked his social media. When I found out he had a long term girlfriend, I ghosted him, but didn't tell her.
I was twenty and didn't want all the drama. The second sister. No.
Fast forward seven years later, I met a seemingly sweet guy on tenders who just got out of a relationship and was looking for something no pressure. We hit it off and started an open relationship that lasted for a few years. At the early stages of dating, he mentioned kicking his ex out of his house for being dishonest loo, and upon doing the deep dive back on Instagram, I see that it is the sister of the girl who's still dating the lying ass, cheating ass DJ. I said
nothing and chalked it up to a creepy coincidence. The sisters don't live in the same city. Within the four years that I was in the open relationship, he was sweet, he was giving, and he was obsessed. Picked up my dry cleaning, made breakfast every morning and dinner every night. But something in my heart didn't feel right. I met his friends, his family, and we saw each other dimn near every day. I refused to let him meeting my family and only let him meet a handful of friends
because something just didn't feel right. We talked about hooking up with other people casually early on in our relationship, but he constantly insisted that other than the early few months, he was only sleeping with me, even going as far as getting upset if you found out that the other guys were in my DMS or heating me up. I recently found out he was still with his girlfriend since the second year of us dating, all his friends knew. I found out there were times where we were at
his house minutes apart. She left things as wow, and he would pack them into the garage every time I came over.
Here are the questions of confusion.
Oh, In the last year ISH, our biggest issue was he would get upset and constantly express that it hurt him that I wanted to keep our relationship open because he wasn't seeing anyone else. Multiple times, I even expressed that I would find it hot if he hooked up with another girl, but still he insisted he didn't want to and was only interested in me all the while he had a girlfriend.
Why do niggas do this? Like? Is this some psychoass shit? Yes?
It is because exit that do I tell his girlfriend that I know about her and he has been seeing both of us for four years?
She won one hundred million percent has no idea?
Is it messy if I also tell the other sister that I fucked her man over five years ago. They are now engaged, but he is still a bum ass DJ, so I'm sure he's still cheating. Also, what are the odds that there are two sisters living in two different nearby cities that I fucked both their men?
What the fuck is my luck?
I want to speak about the first one only because of someone who is open up the buyer.
It's a lot.
I actually spoke about being fine. I was reprimanded for not cooking that much in the end of my relationship. I was reprimanded for traveling, for working so much, for having to pencil him in, to the point where there was a conversation, if you need someone to show you the time, because this is what you need, which you're retired as while I'm on the road that you are invited to but haven't chose to meet me in every city, Let's talk about what it looks like for you having
someone while I'm away. He was insistent on the fact that sex was not that important to him, He didn't need that much attention.
It wasn't that, mind you.
He clearly was fucking four bitches out of the sex club and going to the sex club before and after and without me.
So to me, I do think it's some psycho as shit.
But I also think there's a level of men still not believing that that would be okay, whether you express it or not, whether you're talking about being open or not.
I think men would rather not deal.
With the headache of constantly being questioned about shit or having the drama that they know normally comes with fucking off or fucking with multiple women. So I think this is their way of literally like, no, I only want you, because I think men believe we want to hear that, although.
We would much rather prefer honesty.
It's very exhausting though for honest men, I agree, So I would say, yeah, I think you were hitting a point when you said that. They just say I only want you because it appeases them. Like literally, I have a friend right now who's dating maybe six eight, six to eight women okay, and was like, bro, like, I feel like I'm hurting these girls just by telling them the truth. And he's like, but I'm not gonna lie to them. He's like, they're asking me if there's other women.
He's like, I can almost like see the pain. Then I got to cut them off because like, I don't want them.
To those women probably want monogamy.
This woman said, I've offered an open relationship to him, so I'm mad that he lied that he had someone else when I've literally said let's be open. I think women are hurt when they want monogamy and they don't want to share their partner. When you have a woman telling you let's be open and you lieing about another partner, that's different.
Men are used to lying.
Men are used to lying, So I think that that's where the lie is easier for them because.
Now wait, learning how to be honest. Fucking the family members, it's hard. I fucking the sisters, my niggas bro. I was getting a little confused.
I mean, she clearly just had relationships seven years apart with two different men that happened to literally be fucking sisters.
That's not hard to like. The world is a lot smaller. Do I tell? Do I do?
And then I think even one of them, She's like, do I tell the girlfriend? Because I know the girlfriend doesn't know. To me, there's there's malice in that. If you've opened up about having an open relationship, that needs to be a conversation he needs to have with her. They're telling me, here's the thing, bitch, we done have the Hey Barbara, dis is surely.
My Hay Barbert girl. We've been talking a lot.
We talk about I told my hay Barbara girls, stop texting me because you still want to fuck that nigga.
Nah, she just mine is just helladope, like just honestly. We both blocked him, like we're both like bitch.
We moved on.
She was helping me about her new niggas that she was visiting this weekend. I like gifted or something. She gifted me a Bosk yacht painting, like, okay.
We're cool. I fucked with her.
She was at our show in La But I brought that up because when she reached out to me, I don't believe she had any malice in it, because it wasn't this let me tell you about that nigga more than it was like, Hey, I'm in this situation and feeling really lost and like you're the only piece to the puzzle.
Now. I don't do that because I.
Genuinely feel like women are gonna front on me yep, and they're just gonna go back to the nigga her and I chose not to do that, And I say to her all the time, bitch, I really thought she was gonna go back to this nigga.
She was like fuck first, the first girl that contacted me, she was gonna be out of the country for some months. She really came at me like she was healing, then went down the same rabbit hole as me and spining out all these things about a narcissist and for whatever reason, she wanted to heal him but also was in love with him.
Bitch, she was waiting for six months. I was waiting for three years.
Like so the fact that she would keep texting me knowing that she was still talking to him. The last time she reached out to me, I said, girl, you're gonna still fuck this nigga and be in his spell and under his spell. Ma'am, I get it. I was there for three years. You cannot hit me no more because we are not gonna trauma bond over a nigga when he was cheating on me with you. I'm not trauma bonding with you over being with an unwell nigga. We're not gonna do that. So I literally had to
tell her, do not hit me anymore. Bro, I can't help you. I could barely help my goddamn self. I'm healing, leave me alone.
Yeah, I think that we're not supposed to keep like trauma bonding over the dude more than like it's supposed to.
He's supposed to grow lead that nigga. But if one of the.
Bitches is still fucking the nigga, there's no bonding that needs to be had.
You both have to get him. Yeah.
There were moments though, in the first two weeks where like she would call me and be like asking about a little detailer I'd want to know, and she'd be like, oh my god, why are we doing this press?
But now we really don't talk about that anymore.
We talked about new niggas, but like seriously, like I wrote her, I was high the other day and I was like, bitch, we were really stressing over this nigga.
Like you know, we always stressed over the niggas.
We shouldn't stress over raggedy when you look back at it.
And I just did this.
When we was in Charlotte, I was talking to my ex nigga cousin. I was like, ew I really liked him, yuck.
I was disgusted. I was I was literally like he even only married because of me, But we're not gonna get into that. My ex nigger cousin is crazy. Damn. I want to name this episode do I keep sucking through the smell? Oh?
I literally wrote the title already. By the way, hold on, let me tell you. If you in the hole, there's gonna be a smell. Okay, if you in the hole, I.
Want y'all in the YouTube comments to tell me was I wrong for stopping through the rotten egg part?
Think of throw up.
Think of when you walk outside or maybe you had someone throw up in a car and you can still smell the throw up.
That's how bad it was. I also may make this a little shorter. If you're in the hole, be prepared if you're in the hole. If you in the hole, it's gonna be something. But I might make a small no.
Maybe there's always a smell in the hole.
But there's not, because my hole be open and I be in the hole, there's not always a smell.
Sting, you're trying to make me feel like there was. If you in the hole, you need no.
There's just there's gonna be a mess. It's gonna be a smell. There's going to be a bodily function. God damn it. Anyways, y'all, thank you're fortuning in to another episode of Horrible Decisions. Y'all have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful fucking holidays sleep we are approaching. Make sure you get all the time off, make sure you travel, make sure you be with your family. Make sure if you win a nigga, you get what the fuck you want for the holidays. Let that nigga know I want this, and
if he don't get it for you, he don't love you. Anyways, y'all, make sure you support us on Patreon. This Patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions makes shy.
You asked for butt play that you're prepared, that's right.
And going over to Horrorhi dot com, y'all, we have our holiday sweaters from last year that give you a hole vibe. So if you are going to a ugly sweater party, you can go there in horror hid fashion.
I will make sure you do that, y'all.
Thank y'all for tuning in to yet another episode of Horror Decisions.
Bye bye,