EP 344: Is Being Addicted To Love Dangerous? (Ft. Vic Mensa)

Guess what decision we're about to make.

Horrible decision.

Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Horrorable Decisions. I gotta make it sound like I'm a rapping now since you know, like, okay, never mind, you know I do the white boys, I do the singing voice, I do the Jamaican not Jamaican boys.

I'm gonna be a rapper today, y'all. Welcome. You already noticed your girl Mindy.

B giving white woman the dating of black guys. Wow, go ahead, whenever people do this with their hands, I guess so first.

So that's how I do Fall seven Chapter City blah blah blah.

Okay, my name is Weezy. Welcome back to another episode, y'all. Now you know we actually me. We don't like to have celebrities over. We've had some decent.

Love with the rapper we have.

They've been kind of cool, and I'll be honest y'all.

Today we are joined by Vic Mensa, who if you have been listening for seven years, I'll be honest. You were one of the guests that I used to say could never come on here because I don't believe anybody that I would ever fuck or want to shoot my shot at can come and mix business with pleasure.

Now he likes getting neiggas. That's why you know it's had it.

I'm actually mad he's in here with a jacket because he's all over the ground with no shirt.

But y'all, Big Mins is here. But now after meeting you, you're such a kind soul. I just know we're cool. We could be cool, you know what I mean?

And y'all, he is a faithful man. So y'all didn't know they exist, but we have one today in the building.

Big thank you for joining us.

Thank y'all man, So we you know, have you ever repeet on someone?

Look, no, I've never done that.

Really, I'll think just like it didn't call for it or questions smell.

I don't want to kick shame nobody, you know what I'm saying, But I ain't really what I'm on. I kind of was having a thought about that the other day, like how you want to invite like good ship into your life, but you want people to just bee on you.

So actually i'm finding back scorted on before.

Right, Yeah, it's probably happening, so it's just well no, also fun fact to piss actually if you are stuck like survivor. Right if you're in like an island and you're there or a forest or a desert, to actually say you can drink your piss it's actually healthy for you.

I honestly like, I've never done it, but I feel like if I did, or when I do, I'll say, drinking is not gonna be the thing I do.

Drinking it let me get a splash and you're.

Stuck on an island. That's why I said, hold on, I made it. This is a survival chit status here. Okay, I'm not into it and you're not, but I wanted to, like, maybe not what drinking pistol?

No drinking? I thought you are no girl there, like, oh my god.

But I wanted to get into this because I had a conversation with you a couple months ago and you taught me something. Honestly, I can't believe that there are still things I'm learning. I'm excited for the horrible decision we're gonna get into you going through a sex and love addiction anonymous program, which we're gonna really get it into because we've had like the Reformed Boy conversation before.

Why do you feel may find us after they get a girlfriend?

Well that she she looked up and found the hill bigger we just have not. Wait.

Let's let me ask you that when meeting your girlfriend, were you completely through your program? Did you feel like you were ready to be in a committed relationship or did it volunteer left?

I met her after the program for sure. You know, I felt like I'm manifested coming into my life in a lot of ways.

You know what I'm saying.

I was praying about finding that love, you know, something genuine.

Because everything else is what I've known. You know so much.

Better now real quick, we have Sierra's prayer. We need big Minsu's prayer.

Sierra's so so Sierra's.

Prayer was manifesting Russ. You manifested a woman that was good. So I want to know what she looked like. So I want the prayer.

So what's the prayer? Can you share it? So for any men listening who want to manifest a relationship the way you have after being healed, you could close your eyes big. Yes, we're doing this. We're doing this.

Oh, let's all do it again.

Come on, we're gonna close our eyes to big.

We need to know what was in the manifestation and what was in the prayer to get the woman that you have today.

Come on, it was simple, man. It was just like, come on, we It was just like, God, bring me real love.

That was it. No, it's not.

That is not enough for real, real love.

He's looking for a real live now.

When she came into your life, when people say that they meet the person that's for them, they know instantly to take you a second, How did it happen?

Yeah, you know the first time we really went out and I just locked in with her. It's been like that ever since, you know what I'm saying. So I guess in that moment, I did.

Know what was what was different from from like we always asked like what made her the one or what?

You know what I mean, like in terms of actually being committed.

You know, I often have trouble like.

Really connecting with women that i'd be with sexually, you know what I'm saying, Really like on a mental level, like intellect, taste, you know what I'm saying, pool of reference, literature, like culture, some ghetto like for it to all be there was that was really rare and was just different from the women that I've been messing with, you know what I'm saying.

All of that was mainly just like physical shit. You know what I'm saying.

Did you wait to find out all of those things about her before having sex? Because like I think, the sex is one of those things that can complicate, especially if it's really good. Sometimes I don't care to really know much else about a nigga. I ain't even gonna hold you like this is good. Hopefully you're a great person as well, but also I don't care.

If you're not her.

Was there was there a pause to learn her a little bit more before being intimate or do you find did you find like that was your your jesuit the woman that you also had sex with after that maybe you didn't care to get to know them more.

I mean, you know, I'm a nigga, so I'm trying to guess the show quick.

But I'm not like pushy though, you know, I'm like somebody to drop you off, not kiss you, you know what I mean?

And just.

I swear that I feel like had been the most interested in me. Do that what they don't necessarily make a move too quick? And I've always thought about it, like do you remember when I was like, why won't this dude sucked me last year?

Well he was celebrated.

No, he wasn't the Dreamville nigs A different nigga. Oh yeah, yeah, the one that had met Jamsville. And we were going on these great dates and I felt like I was connected.

That's because you saw me.

I want, no, you do love going on dates.

By the way, do you know that I didn't know, uh if you because we've never met, so, but I know, like there was even.

A co fuse.

I think you were gonna do something with me, like they had sent me an email with you then I know, horrible.

So I was like, I don't think I was staring at him, but I feel like I noticed it.

So to explain, Vick was on a date with his girl at this restaurant. I was on a date with the dreadhead I've been dating, and right after we said hello to each other, he really looks at me like this, how you know this?

How you know all? He knows?

What?

What about it?

He looked like a really nice guy.

Well yeah, right, so he's not like a slick of pretty Ricky Kodak dread, but yeah he is.

I love when you said a little ghetto. I love it elevated nigga that still got a little of it in him. I love seeing and not saying that locks mean that by any means, but just I love seeing a little bit of edge to somebody that does live their life in a certain way, because we don't put the two together. And so even when you were talking just now, I've really found that, like, men are not making me excited intellectually, I'm starting to feel like I'm

I mean, it's even just the conversation.

I mean I was a little embarrassed to be like, I went on the best date of my life at thirty two years old, and the nigga took me to the botanical gardens that ain't to teach me about trees.

I said, well, how you just know what out trees? Like this nigga, I was in pressed.

Then after the botanical garden, he took me to Barnes and Nobles.

Don't do me. He took me to Barnes and Nobles and we started going about books.

And this nigga was really into Greek mythology, and so you know, I want a self help book.

I'm like, well, Gz just.

Released the book let me, and he like, now, let me tell you about the Greek mythologists.

Or whatever the art them niggas you know who I'm talking about, Aristotle them.

And they're like, oh, like collects the art. I thought it was like artimist or something.

He might be one, right, Aristotle.

See Okay, So.

Anyways we go and I felt like not only was it one of my best dates just because he had everything planned out. We went from an Ethiopian restaurant, took the botanical gardens to Barnes and Nobles to then ended it at a fucking bath house with massage.

Oh he was he said Aristotle.

Was crazy and we didn't have sex after, which was crazy because I had given niggas plicity for a lot less so I felt like, damn, this is fucked up, right, But I was just like wow.

I was like, what do you mean?

You can do all of it?

You can teach them bitch how to ring and you still won't.

Get a.

Point no.

But I think that that's where I think dating has come to be with me as well, Like the not that I'm gonna safe your sexual because I need you to have that, dude, but knowing that I can now go on a date or have a conversation and we can have things to where I'm learning from you, you're learning from me. That's now become like a sting, Like if you can't talk, what week as my key? While I'm not going on no dates right now because these niggas can't.

No fast, I feel like I got to be able to learn from somebody, you know what I'm saying. And I just think that that heightens the connection as well, Like things will be purely physical and it gets played out so far as for me, you know what I mean, that's never not gotten old.

Is this your first time where the relationship is romantic but also there's a friendship there. I think that's what has been my issue, is not building a friendship with partners.

Yeah maybe low key you're like that, I was a dog gas man my last some of that.

So we want to hear around we're meeting nowadays, But is it how you've become reformed?

Tell us about the time maybe you were on tour whatever the fuck and you were like, okay, I might need to slow down, like this is fucking crazy.

Maybe there was three of them, maybe there was five.

Five five at once?

Yeah, what was it?

So here's where I'm always curious to know when it's five? Was it something to where you were almost getting exhausted or you're just in this sea of scurator?

You're the you were the curator.

I mean, you know as a curator be an artist as well, but like it's like you don't get exhausted, just.

Curate the vibe, I mean, put it together.

How does it start? You write people over?

It was a club? Were all of them friends?

Or you just brought five different women that you saw in the club, brought them to the table and they all agreed to go home with you.

I used to have parties in my crib a lot, Okay, I lived in La you know, and that was just a crazy time.

You know what I'm saying.

L a house parties. I've heard a lot about.

It necessarily orchestrated, but you know, those things happen.

I want to know how you get women that don't know each other to join it? Like what was that conversation?

Like?

Was there much cloud? Cloud is crazy?

Woud It's super crazy? Right?

The whole vibe is crazy, the whole thing I mean, you know what I mean. It's like I look back at that time, at this stage and be like I just didn't have an understanding of energy, you know what I mean. I wouldn't take on that energy of so many strange people at this point. You know, if I knew what an exchange of energy was, if I knew how that could help build or destroy.

You know what I'm saying. In my own life, okay, but.

Can't you just live in that frivolous moment. Do you think that when you're having sex like that, it's always taking on energy? Or can a nigga just fuck buy bad bitches and like going about their day?

Do you maybe you think that they can't.

I think anybody can do whatever makes them happy. You know, For me, that shit ain't make me happy though, you know, That's how I ended up in the fucking program.

Oh but also the men listening are like, nigga, what you mean? Five women ain't make you happy?

That's how I ended up in that program, man, you know, because I just realized that my ceaseless pursuit of meaningless sex was just another band ad, It was just another drug. It was always interconnected with alcoholism, with drug addiction. And I mean felt foul afterwards, you know what I mean. I didn't feel like I probably felt in some sense like patriarchally proud, you know what I mean. But I also felt unclean and I was just trying to mask

Validated.

Validation, I would say, is the main driving force between all that shit, and this was really about the physical thing, was really about a pleasure thing as much as it was about escapism, you know, just from depression.

And feeding an ego and anything it tanked your depression more, you know, in my experience.

Okay, how old were you when you entered the program and how old are you now?

I'm thirty now. I was twenty five when I did that program.

You did that at twenty five. I feel like, I mean, who is it thirty eight?

Right?

That was that was a young time to be able to like be that self aware.

I couldn't separate that from drug addiction though, and that was a separate sex addiction from drug drug addiction.

I had to.

I had to be able to view those things as you know, pieces of same larger entity of being within myself and be like because the drugs was like go kill me. You know what kind of drugs the ones.

That kids, I mean, even the ones that aren't supposed to kill you or laced now with so much everything.

The pills is like the crazy thing too, because when I was growing up, I feel like estasy was like rave ship. And now when I hear future talk about it, I'm like what the fuck apen? I thought this is for white people.

But that's what it used to be, right, that's what we thought. It's crossed over, Like, it's for sure crossed over, definitely.

So what twenty five?

You had enough self awareness to enroll yourself in a program like that, But who were other people in your lives? Was there even maybe a woman that kind of told you, a woman that you cared about, you know, that you maybe risked something with and you realize I have.

To do this, Yeah, definitely.

I mean I always had a girlfriend too, so there was a constant process of like cheat then lie lie, Lie, deny, And I was just such a guilty cloud that followed me through everything in my life. And it's just this web of lies. It's terrible to live that way, you know what I'm saying, And just to acknowledge and realize I'm hurting people that I love so much because I can't love myself. So I was I was sitting down with a woman who is my publicist, and she introduced me,

That's what I was going to ask, Like, we know what damage the drugs could have. I understand the depression, but how is sex and this love addiction essentially like ruining your life?

Essentially?

I think if you don't face your issues, then they just grow, you know, of their own they grow their own momentum.

And like that was helping to just destroy my life.

Also because I think one thing men don't consider is the karmic balance of their actions.

Keep going, please, this is what we want to hear. Men in the room, men listening. There is a karmic reaction to your life decision to start.

It's a real karmic reaction.

And I never really considered the truth of how damaging it is to continued a lot someone that loves you. And it wasn't until I was lied to by someone that loved that I loved. You know, one of my guys that turned on me, robbed me, and I'm like, man, I've never treated you like this. I've always been solid

That's what men are taught, that's what we believe. Is what question is it?

I don't remember the class, all the movies, you know what I mean, all the artists, everybody you idolized leaders, powerful men that have never been characterized by their honesty and truthfulness with their women. Kings have concubines, rappers got groupies. Even the most famous ones do it with the best relationships, the best lives.

I never thought of that.

You know, you a kid looking up and you're like, Okay, that's how I'm supposed to be. This is what it means to be a man of power.

I don't know if most men can get like I don't know.

Just even you're talking about how you read, like, I just don't think for real.

Well, it was a book that really, I ain't gonna lie. It was a book that started to really change my mentality on things.

Was Belle Hooks All about Love.

It was real, we real cool. All about Love is an amazing book too, you know. I love Belle Hooks. In general, but we Real Cool was the one that contextualized things for me because it gave me historical precedent to why we as black men act a lot of the ways that we do.

Let me, let me.

Real cool write it down and you note.

Now my other question is being that you sound like an anomaly one you guys looking for real? Third and second second, do you think that I don't know? So you're making me think about something you're talking about in terms of a man that has a relationship. What I feel like the most of us see today and tell me if I'm wrong. Is the man who may not have a relationship, but they have multiple women. There may be noncommittal, maybe even unfulfilled, but they're just living this

There's so many situations.

Ideology for myself is one of truth, you know, And that's what I think that men are not ready to embrace though. Even if you don't have a girlfriend, you still finessing your homes mm, so they don't find each other, you know.

And write and be like girl let's get on a phone call.

I've got on my phone call this ship.

Yep, we both had. Hey, Barbara, this is sure.

You know what.

It's crazy she got Aristotle? Did I just trigger you the Aristotle?

My bed.

No, she's a bad bitch. I see why he was wucking with her.

Begga that both of y'all was with.

Other women, other people, same scenario.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no no, not the same.

But this is how you know had the nerve to be celibate big Do you know the first question this bitch asked me on the poone was I just want to know real?

Was he fucking you.

The man and still was cheating?

He thought he was, He was celibate.

Eddie was cheating celibately yolevantly.

If we found out, you probably know him. I hate him.

But anyway, what we found out was that like he was just sucking our energy up. He had a project coming, and she was like, I would feel him like feet on me, and I think the same. She's like, you know, like these men fucking need theirro in weird ways and it's not the sex. And then she made a great point which was even deeper to me. Imagine having these beautiful women, boss bitches whatever. That every girl that we

It was no. These R and B singers are different, though, I will.

R and B now look at he went straight to that nigga.

Saying, because that's R and behavior.

Behavior, R and behavior behavior is crazy. So wait, what's the difference then, because I know you've been around them, what is the difference between rapid behavior and R and B behavior R and behavior? I like R and beha.

I only.

Have I ever been with I've been with a ship, not been with an R and B nigga. But it's because they're a little tiny.

R and behavior.

It's like, man, I mean all of their music is about relationships with women, all of it. So I think that they have to carry up a lot of antics from my perspective.

Okay, not the ship.

On y'all R and B guys, but it seems like that's your that you need that creatively. So it's like, you know they'd be wild and like, I ain't even gonna tell you the type of story.

Please share a story you don't have to say a name. We don't give names here, but what's the story.

This was reckless. This was like prime R and B behavior.

Oh okay, okay, talk to me.

Oh man, I was messing with this girl.

Oh this is your behavior?

No, okay, no, she was like famous, her friends famous. Her friend's boyfriend was famous. You know, We're at strip club and I'm standing right here. I got my thug with me. Shout out to Loco with the mask. Were right here. We're chopping it up my girl right here, you know, probably where you are.

And then.

Her friend's boyfriend was like, where you are? So I'm talking to my friend. We're all so close, but it's strip club, you know, so we can't really hear them. I come to find out that later, come to find out that he was telling her the whole time.

Well, we're right there, like you look so motherfucking good tonight.

This was an R and B nigga plane.

Right there, you know what I mean? Right there. Proximity, Yeah, that proximity.

It was kicking game in front of you.

I didn't know what was going on. I couldn't hear that nigga whispering her, you know what I mean?

You know and he's like, man, he's doing He's going crazy with it to the point where, like, you know, eventually he kind of blows his cover because they was in a car with somebody else. He didn't know it was another person in the car, and he was telling her like, it's your sexy yes in the back seat.

It's his girl's birthday too.

Wait, I missed that.

I forgot that part. His girl is around, This is girl's birthday. We're all together, you know, it's like a double day in understand.

I mean, there was a group of people you know, and man and then later.

This was prime R and behavior.

This was when I knew these niggas was different and they was playing by different rules.

You know.

What I mean was he had kind of in front of his move because there was another person in the car that he didn't know when he last came on to her. So she's, you know, she's tripping all night. You know, later on she's like, man, I don't want to tell her ruin her birthday and all this shit, this R and behavior. He went and told her friend before she did and flipped the script said she.

Came on, I ain't gonna hold you.

I was like, Yo, these niggas ill though. You gotta respect that.

Everybody was like Usher stopped dancing on my bit like that's.

What because it's different. It's different.

It's levels to the ship, like you got a talent that ain't his dick, you gotta respect it like it's They treat that ship like an art form.

Like me, ask you what do you think it is about? As a normal Okay, I'll say two things. Now that i'm industry, I understand why industry people date because it almost kind of feel safer. You're dating someone that's your same pay, you can do the same shit, you know how.

To move maybe well whatever, I know.

I'm just saying that's the reason I understand. But when we're looking at comments on the Shade Room, every single person says, why the fuck do these rappers pass around the same bitches?

Now?

For you to watch somebody do that with the woman that you're with, what do you think it is? Is it because you've had her? Why do you think it is that people like sharing the same women?

Because it's not even the men.

Men are always gonna have vigital on any day, but women specifically, Why do you think men like sharing the same girls or wanting the girl.

I ain't never seen your girl before.

I just thought she was a body. And I have an answer to this, but I want to hear yours.

Well.

I think it's chasing status cloud, you know, recognition, status symbols. I think we are predisposed to like few women as objects, something to be had, you know, maybe owned, or least and give him back at least a car.

You release a riari because you want to see you in a riri, right, So.

It's just about fucking to me.

It's not much different than what I feel like when, which is why it's very hard. And I'll probably never post my partner at this point. He has to stand a basement and I'll never bring him out in public. But well, because when when women see you with a man, especially if they're fans of no I mean, I'm not really going to put him in a basement, listen, I'll make sure to feed him. Well, he can actually have video games down there. At this point, I don't want

M M.

That's what I just think of it.

I think it's just insecurity, and I think they want what other people have because it don't nobody want you, don't nobody wants you.

I think we all still go in wanting people that other people want.

I mean, I do think that the that the larger issue is the competitiveness of it.

But what's even stranger is it almost.

Brushes away all the patriarchal like notion that like you want a girl that no one's had.

That's why I get so confused. They want a lady in the street, but a freaking sheeting a hoe. But y'all date the same bitch over and over. You want your ass hate, but then you want me to be a virgin?

How are we doing? How can I be both at the same time? Like, you are not gonna say, look he got the sound drop ready, y'all were not doing the.

Well.

I want to get into our vanillaship real quick, because in terms of the relationships you've had in your past, there's a word that they're saying should now be brought into the dictionaire. With cupping season coming up, I wanted to know if either of you guys were familiar with slow dumping. Slow dumping is when one partner distances themselves

Fizzling as slow dumping.

Yes, well, the one fizzling is where it just pretty much communication just ends up stopping because you're fizzling the relationship out without express.

Slowly move, slowly move, Yeah, I'll do that so we don't go well, to me, that's in that's in uh dating, but not in when you're in a relationship.

This specifically is when you're in a relationship instead of ending it with the person, you.

A lout or you.

Slow dump them to where you just start showing up to be such the wrong partner for them that you're waiting for them to break it off. And I want to know if either of you have either done that at all, whether past relationship or felt like someone slow fizzled you out or slow dumped you.

I think I've slow dumped. You've slow dumped for sure. We don't know that I'm meant to do it intentionally, but just.

Okay, being less invested, just.

Being over it.

And my mind is started being like mean, you know, just for no reason about.

It, you get mean little shit. For sure, I try to watch that ship. But I realized my homegirls do that.

I wasn't even conscious of it at that time until I look back and I'd be like, damn, why was I acting like that?

You know? I mean, just be over it and be just tired.

You know, what would make you be tired and so over a relationship but you don't end it?

What would keep you to where you.

Now are, start starting to behave in a way that's not yourself instead of just ending that relationship if that person's making you.

Feel that way.

For both of y'all, I guess I mean for me, I definitely slow dumps because I felt sorry for that person at the time that I was dating. Okay, I felt like I kind of had to be around. Also, dating people that are going through something is really tough. I think you have to have a lot invested in them. For example, like depression is just one right, but if someone's grieving, even like you kind of got to stick with them throughout. You got to stick with them through

You know what I'm sad to.

No, I did.

I did want it because before we started, Uh, well your turn, he said, I am a fizzler.

He literally was like Oh yeah, I do that ship all the time.

Why no, I think.

When we go somebody, don't we don't want to like come off like old first, be cold and like some fucking bitch.

I'm out of heat. So it's like, let just pull back a little bit at a.

Time to hopefully they play off the way they didn't need to, maybe like inspire conversation.

More than a relationship.

Though.

I do that with like the talking phase, Like if a nigga does something that gives me the itch, but I feel like we've been on a few dates, maybe I feel wrong to cut you off all the way, or maybe you don't even deserve that much of a conbo. I will definitely take two days to sex back. Sorry, podcasting is so hard.

I hate so much.

I'm really going through it. Yeah, that's what I'll be doing.

That's like that mean with that fat nigga with the dreads and he just kind of disappears.

Oh my god, exactly what it is?

I think with my girl, man, when I was acting like that, it was like I had been going through something and she was so supportive and so instrumental. He actually asked me that earlier. She was one of the people that was like so instrumental in helping me to get better, and was looking that look past so many things that I felt so emotionally connected to her even though I didn't want to be with her no more. You know, maybe there was a sense of fear of losing like that support.

Even though you didn't want to be with her anymore. I mean, I think that you could stick through it.

Well, that's what I was actually gonna say.

I think there's also a narrative though, women, if you stick with the man through his bullshit, through his cheating, through his.

He gonna rock with you.

He's gonna give you this ring because he didn't drug you through the mud, and you will realize bit and you will ride or die Like there's women too.

That's the only true.

That that troubles me though, because it's like women will never let something go for real. And so if you're now gonna build what's supposed to be a healthy relationship on all the bones of like your past, same unhealthy relationship, it's always going to be in the back of her mind that hurt you always.

You can forgive, but you can't forget.

You think that there should be an element of not forget that shit happened to if you forgave me.

No, I'm just being real, like, I don't know if she ever really gonna forgive you everything.

Let me ask you this.

You just made me think because at first I didn't realize you were talking about the same person when dating.

When you hear women.

Talking about how they've been cheated on or had some trun I'm in their last relationship, is it completely a turn off for you?

Like, do you feel like, I don't know.

Say they've been cheated on? Trauma?

The example, one of my friends, who's actually a good dude, went on a date with a girl he likes and on the second date, she started telling him about bad experiences. He's like, bro, Like she's so dope, Like I just am not gonna be like dealing with her in the trauma from her baggage. She's like, I already traveled too three times a week, you know what I'm saying for work.

Now she's gonna be thinking I'm going.

To add more baggage. Yeah.

I think that a woman can maybe like dumped down on you too quick or like, does that ever turn you off?

The woman's been through some shit.

I've never thought that that would turn me off, because I think it would be because and you did through that, you know, so I've never I've never seen it that way. And we all got trauma on our own levels and our own experiences. So I wouldn't hold that against a person personally, Yeah.

I don't.

I don't think I would, but I know I've, like I said, I'm going to go into dating just differently now like apparently I got going.

I think I would from women if they were so angry. I think when someone's talking like they're still mad. I've always said on this podcast, when I meet men and they talk nicely and kindly about their excess, I love it because I just, to me, that's just a quality that we don't see.

People are so ready to shoot on someone.

Friendships too, you know, like there's friends I don't talk to anywhere, but I had amazing friendships with them in that in that moment, And so when you see someone, yeah, you.

Know that that's a red flag for something, Yeah.

Because you're scared, like.

And a lot of people that have that, Like when you're falling out a lot, or like you're really angry, I start to wonder, like what am I about to see in you that you haven't shown me yet, because.

It might be it's almost too much. And I do believe that like through getting to know someone, their past relationships tell you a lot about it. I think, for example, even though you and I have both been through painful relationships, I think something I would learn about you, You guys had such an explorative sexual side to your relationship, right. I think what that shows me is that like, you're not not even beyond the non monogamy more than like you're a pleaser, but you also want to enjoy your

Well, but we did that because I wanted to be with women.

I know, and I think you showed that's the same thing with you though you had a lot of relationships with women, but you also really like women. So I mean, I don't know. To me, it's going to be tough going into dating with the struggle of what that relationship looked like. Because I was non monogamous, I allowed you to some and even the word allowed. We allowed each other to be ourselves, and that still left me betrayed, cheated on.

But that's mad pressure for a nigga.

Imagine if you met a girl like I think and me and you both are last relationships were like this, right, I think when niggas meet me and they hear my ex and I were having mad three stems, like the fact that last lap birthed so many hoes come to my house, it's insane, like the bow I was upstairs, the downstairs, the upstairs, like it was like at one point it almost was sad that I was fucking so many girls that a last They always just like anyway,

So am I going to be the nigga that boring?

Like I do think you can tell a lot from how someone kind of moved what they're into.

But I'm gonna say I was a nun. I'm lying.

I feel like I never really know you know what I mean? Like I rarely even get that deep with people. You know what I'm saying, What do you mean like to even pick up on red flags? Like I've always had a girlfriend, you know, I was like a kid.

What's your son dat?

I'm a gemini, not as getting into signs.

What's your birthday?

June sixth? Okay?

You know, so I always had a girlfriend since I was a kid, and but I'd be doing a lot. I would just be so I would not be invested enough to even be like acknowledging flags red, yellow, whatever, Like I'd be like.

What do you think you were having girlfriends? He said everything was bad, bitch, companionship especial if you knew you couldn't be faithful.

It's probably a motherly thing, man, It's probably psychological, like some Sigmund Freud ship.

He's a reader, y'all. He's a singing Freud, right, Yo.

There's a lot of Freudian shit that I feel like men say to me when they like when I like, maybe if I'm rubbing them or massaging them and they start to like tell me I'm nurturing, I'm like, oh, because your head is on me, like this is like some mommy shit it is. It's totally like it's sick. Well, but here I am be like daddy, oh god.

Well, I wanted to get into this twelve step program that you went through, because to do it at twenty five is crazy, but also getting to the point where you're like, nah, I have this problem and I would

So for someone who I was not at all either.

You're not very okay, So what does what does this mean when you're not looking at this from a religious standpoint, because again, when we go down it, the word God is used often.

Well, you know what, really the first most significant thing that I recall from it was the celibacy.

So you start and your celibate. You know, I'm going through the program. Now get this.

So I was celibate for like eight months or something like that, and this first step whatever second step. I was not religious at the time, Okay, So I decided to make my higher power my grandmother. So I got this that of her on my hand. I was gonna put give it to Granny because it's basically like unloading your burdens from yourself and giving them to your higher power.

You know what I'm saying.

When you're going through everything alone, that shit could be so isolated and it's so difficult.

If you can.

Invite a higher power, whatever that means to you, if you believe in cosmic divine order, if you can invite your faith in that into what you're doing. Because my grammy Granny, seeing me doing anything, I'll do this reminds.

Me of my poet, let me do it.

There's an episode of True Life MTV was like addicted to porn and the dude made the password I love.

It.

Just you just made me think about the program though, because sometimes I would go to the sex Addicts meetings, Like I went to one of those and I was like, man, I don't know if I got the same problem these niggas got, because.

They was like, you know, my life is in shambles.

I'm on skid roll and I'm still like jack it off behind the tent, and I'm like, gang.

Got the same issue? Gay? Well, I mean I think.

That that's what we talk about too, in terms of the hierarchy of things, right, Like, sometimes we don't recognize anything's an issue because when.

We look at the other end of the spectrum, that is crazy.

Are you masturbating when I was celebrating now?

Oh wait?

Oh oh wait?

Why not? Was that a part of the program, They said.

You, Well, I was just trying to gain control over my sexuality, over my body, you know what I mean. I felt like I had been sober from alcohol or weed or whatever drugs at different points of time. I had done that before. Sex was the only area where I felt very powerless, and I had to really connect

Like masturbating my But wait, what's your advice?

Then?

I just wanted to be in norug. I just wanted to be like in control of myself. You know, do you think we all need vices?

Though?

When you ask what's your advice?

Do you feel like, as human beings we all need something that we know is the program?

Food?

I don't know, did you gain weight? Did you get fat?

WHOA?

No?

I was like, yeah, like what did.

You indulge in?

That?

Felt like maybe the gym was in it.

I don't know. I don't know.

Spending money. Were you spending a lot of money?

Did you I spent a lot of bread.

But you know, the thing about the program is like it's really more about relationships though, So it was more about like dependency and attachment and validation. And there were people in there that weren't having sex at all.

It was just like, you.

Know, fully in the throes of like obsession about their ex wife or what it may be.

It was really about relationship. That's why I really went.

You know, but at the time, Vice, I think when I was celibate, I don't know if I don't think I was sober at that time.

You know, it was like I need something I'm not.

You know. It was like also.

During that time, you know, trying to keep trying to keep women off of me in that moment was crazy because they'd be like, you know, I just got in the gym for the first time, Like I looked like a grown man for the first.

Guy, and you were celibate, super high. I got Chase coming to my house and I'm telling them, like, you know.

If I suck your dick, is it still selling?

I said, I can't do this with you. You know, I'm celibate for this amount of time. So April, you know, how do women receive you? She was like, well, what about April twenty eight. I'm like, if you don't get the funk out of my house way over here?

Oh god, this was but he did see. This is why when you say you're celibate, you don't have a date.

You just mentioned a date.

He had object that had to finish for his celibacy, right, So like that's why I like, I keep saying, like what is it too? Because abcident and celibacy, celibacy seems like there's a date there, and so there.

Wasn't actual date for you. You set a date in your celibacy journey.

I don't even know if that if that was a real date or if that was like sebtrary and I just told her that the goal was to get through this program. Okay, okay, okay, So you're supposed to, like when you do it, you're actually supposed to stop seeing.

Like women in general. I don't even think you're supposed to like kick it.

With your female friends or your male friends, vice versa when you start doing a program. It was a whole thing, honestly, because it was like I had just met a woman that like I was super into, you know, and she was flying, super smart, she resonated with me on a lot of those levels in the same you know, vein of professional ship or whatever. And so then I had to cut my contact with her though, you know, and I'm thinking it was only supposed to be for a month.

I was hurt you for coming back, and I was hurt, but taking the time for yourself and like actually coming back.

I was glad I did ultimately, you know, because there was a moment. It was like in that celibacy and just that moment of self reflection. I was in a hotel room one time in New York. Actually I just like broke down in the hotel. I felt, you know, that I was perceiving that this woman was starting to love me or something, and I just felt so unlovable, you know.

I felt like just guilty and terribly about myself. So I broke down.

I'm like crying all crazy and feeling like I can't be loved, you know.

I go and tell my sponsor.

And he's like, these is old British students, but you have to stop seeing this woman immediately, So I told her that, but I was so salty though when I came back and she was gone, I was hurt. But it was like, ultimately I had to sacrifice in order to learn the skills and the tools with which I can be a better man. I could be a more integrated person, of more integrity.

And that was step four.

Step four is you made a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself, and you just explained what that was.

I skipt up.

The inventory was a different thing.

What do you mean?

It was like, what.

Did you have to create a list of how bad you?

This is the inventory I think it is. It's not two inventories.

No, no, this is the only inventory you really noticed.

This is step This is step step was crazy.

It was like, you have to make a list of all the sexual experiences you've ever had, data from childhood, not just when you had sex, but any type of sexual experience if you can remember the person's name, name, Uh, what did basic details of the situation are and also the motivation behind it.

So so right after doing that, though, and I want to get into you actually calling these people because there's another step.

So after this step, you make the inventory. You then admit to the God and to yourself and to another human being of the exact nature of the wrongs that you did to these people. Then it says you humbly ask God to remove your shortcomings. But after you made.

That up for a second, yes, why are you admitting that you did something wrong by fucking somebody?

Can we talk about that?

Well, maybe it's the treatment of that person not oh, or was it the fucking of them as well?

In the inventory? I just remember I was sitting at a diner in la and I was there for about sixteen hours.

You know how many millions do you order?

Sitting there straight sixteen I was trying to rack my brain for every you know, woman on tour in Berlin, you know, girl at music festival something, you know what I mean, Like I.

Have guys from fire truck my phone, and.

The motivations for all that shit.

Man, it was like, that's when I realized that it wasn't about sex, you know, I realized it was just about validation.

It was about seeking control, seeking power. And by the time I.

Got you know, one hundred and fifty something, I got to like my girlfriend something I was That's when it just hit me.

That's when I really that's when I broke down and.

I was like, is there were more after her?

Well a lot of those were while I was with her, you know, And it was just like to have to look so blatantly at like the plane I put these people through, these women that I loved, to look so clearly at the and to see that it was like just for my own insecurity. It was all my own insecurities. That's the part that hit different, you know. And then I quit after a couple of steps later. Wait, so eight, I got to make it?

So the list is the making Yeah, so step eight so you didn't make it a twelve eight is made a list of the persons we get harmed and become willing to make amends with them.

All that was the whole purpose. That was why I wanted to do it.

So once I got ye, this isn't for celebrity but ho hoes, Like I guess it is, But like I feel like when I've heard about love, addiction and stuff. I've listened to some podcasts and it's always these people that are like in a small town that go crazy. But I really be thinking, like, could you make a list? Could I make it like I have of all the names.

And even when you make the list on air, I had to help you because you forgot something.

I mean, I get like, yeah, well, you're allowed to forget people.

I'm sure. I'm sure I forgot.

The list.

I'd be forgetting ship all the time. I'd be having an ax niggas like.

That's not where you're supposed to laugh, Britney render forgot hers at thirty five.

Ye, no, that's what I'm saying. I'm if I don't have to know all of them and I can still make.

A list, How on earth could I remember everything was about it? Oh?

I okay, how on a Well, I'm not gonna lie when you said one fifty I knew you were forgetting names.

I have you painned it way more than one fishy.

Ain't gonna lie when you said one fifty. Thing to say.

Like I said multiple, That word has five in a night, buddy, But you.

Know, like for the average wait, let me let me watch my words. Okay.

The hoes that I know, these are not I batties, the women, These are not the I G batties with crazy access. These are just regular hoes in the city. They about foty niggas by a thirty. Now add in some money, adding a dick, and add in clout there's no way you're.

Like, I just can't.

These are bitches that shout out to my friends. I ain't saying a dance like.

I really think men could fuck on average, I think and be okay with their lives.

Probably five different women a week.

Oh they could fuck. Yeah, I'm just.

Saying like for for regular, like I really believe you could do one every other day, Like I really do.

I've seen well with that mindset then, and I don't think you are irens fucking dumber And I need to ask a man their body count? But is that something that would steer you away from a man if he had said he had been.

Through this many women? I think I want a datah, I want a niggay. Do you and your girl be sharing host stories?

I love that.

Oh they're not really a thousand, but I'll take a nigga five hundred plus disease free.

Five hundred is a lot, but I'm going up to fifty two. Do you and your girls share stories in a fun way?

Like?

Have you been able to make your stories like this thing of like I've healed.

Oh my god, there's crazy story.

You don't talk about it. I love doing that ship. I want to know. I want to know the type of rock star a person was.

I don't know what.

You don't want to well, you don't want to know what she did?

No chance, no no, no no no.

It looks like a very nice girl. But when you see a baddie like that, it's like, So.

With stopping this program, then at step eight you have four more to go. What did then your self journey look like and preparing yourself to be a better partner with the next person or whoever you got with after your celibacy journey, after the healing. What what were those conversations by yourself without the program?

You don't think it took time to really sink in. I definitely hit a you know, but I stayed out of relationships so I could, so.

I cannot lie, right. Yeah. The biggest thing for me was always the lion. You know.

It was never that I have no judgment for people for sex that when you asked about that, I don't think sex is something you have to apologize to God for, you know. I think maybe in that step I would have interpreted that as like apologizing to God or admitting to God that like I knew I made bad decisions, because most of those were bad decisions, you know what I mean, those were horrible decisions, very explicitly by the name. That was the definition of horrible. That's why I would

So it just took away a lot of the flippant like.

Senseless sex, or at least the ability to pretend with myself like this was good for me, like this was a good look, this was a good move because I had already done this inventory of myself and realized that, man, I was tearing myself apart with this shit, and this shit was about shit I need to go deal with.

This was about emotional issues. This was not about these women.

So let me figure out how I can address myself and grow stronger in these places of weakness. So I don't feel like I need to go hit a girl off Instagram to be validated. Is there another way I can gain validation.

Man, No, I just it's a life I need. Don't think that, like, I don't know, it's weird. Listening to you talk makes me feel good, like I could maybe meet a man that is younger and.

Yeah, yeah, aware of but I just don't see.

I mean, but I think i'm me either. And I was just with a fifty year old action like that, acting like he was twenty one, lying. But I don't think I acknowledged it until when you said in the very beginning that honor and honesty is not something that got a man praised as much as it did the conquering and the power and how many women he had.

This is fucking game of thrones.

And I didn't think.

I didn't think I more, I didn't think I even looked at it like that. And so when you could see here and realize that those people and I mean, I'll be honest, maybe this is the thing that I'm going through right now in the self inventory of when I look back at.

The bodies that I have no praise, this is it.

It didn't make Meigga say that Queen, knock it out. This is too much. This is medieval shit.

I don't want no King not being you know an I was one of those.

Couldn't you tell a really nice guy.

Does he hit you with the grand minsing?

He was definitely you know, I don't like it, but I definitely.

So he just doesn't tell you, girl, I get greetings love type shit readings love.

He definitely talks about the spiritual plane run.

I could peep that whole shit.

Why do you think we were read a fucking being rush?

Did the way that you spoke to women or like, as in a general like, if there became a greater deal of respect for them through you knowing how much you harmed them, did the way you speak to them change at all?

Did the way you showed up with them change?

I definitely try to watch the way I speak to women, you know, I mean and just like be respectful and appreciate women. At the same time, though a lot of time when I was dealing with mad women, it was like I really didn't care though, you know, so I was not emotionally invested in these women would become very emotionally invested in me, and maybe I could be guilty if it wouldn't be love bombing, I would just be myself and I'll talk to them like I talked to you all.

I would talk about Jazz, I would talk about.

X Y, bringing mom, bringing on my motorcycle or something, you know, and they'd be like straight in love.

But I'm like, we just had this conversation. All you got to do is hold a conversation.

I realized my best advice I ever got is the dude in the studio with Alex literally said to me, I'm going to tell you something so you aren't hurt anymore.

The last dude I dated was doing all the ship for me.

I couldn't understand why he was picking me up while we were cudding, while we're going to these nice restaurants. He was like, it's not you. This is how he dates people, and this is how he does it alone. He's laying up with you when he's done because he wants to cuddle. He's having breakfast with you because he wants company.

I wasn't doing all that though. I was never. I wasn't dating.

I'm not just talking to them on the motorcycle, and they liked me.

I never. I never dated a lot of people for though I ain't gonna lie.

I just told one hundred and fifty buss that now dating, I wasn't dating.

I've had a few girlfriends in my life, like you know, easily fit on one and other than that you.

Have sex more than once.

It's dating.

Yep, He's like, I don't think so.

Tell people where to find you. If you've got something new pop give us.

If you got any music a lot that I would say speaks to the man that you've talked about today, I think would be really dope, like just about whether it be women treating him right, love bombing, or any of like.

This kind of stuff. I think it'd be really cool to listen to it.

I like just I would send people to my new album, Victor, that's out now and you can find me at vict Messa everywhere.

Can't sign the Damns because he has a girlfriend unless you guys, well you are their plans to open it.

Up as as.

He's like, no, Pindor's box.

That's let's get all right, get him out of here.

We have y'all.

Make sure you guys get Victor. And I'm sorry I always have to tell everyone here we go. One of my favorite was the autobiography. That album is what introduced me to you and was absolutely phenomenal and he talks about home Records and a whole bunch of other cool stuff on that album as well, So y'all make sure you guys stream it, purchase it, do what you gotta do. Follow him at vic mensa. And even though he has a girlfriend, he's also really good to look at because

Yeah, we're on international tour anyways, guys.

Thank y'all for tuning in to yet another episode of Horrible Decisions.

Bye Nice,