Ep 248: That's Called Growth

This year was was just one of those years like it was just I don't know. I'm ready for. All I keep saying is I'm ready for this year to be over. I'm just ready for to be I had a great year work wise, but not sex wise. Like pussy Broke, I got depressed. I gain weight because I was depressed. But it's all right because I'm gonna suck it out. And once I suck it out, you really committed to this slipo? Am I committed to this slipo

Oh guys, announcement. My Christmas present for myself is LiPo section. And let me just say that real quick. Everybody that tells me just work out gets me really upset because for one, bitch, I do. For two, even if I didn't, I feel like getting sucking LiPo, you know what I'm saying, Like I feel like when you're telling about just our goal, when I tell you, the tables be turning like crazy on this fucking show ed. And I remember before I got my weight loss surgery, like that was the thing,

especially when you were hardcore working out. You saw away just let me just work out, And I'm like, but it's not the same, It's really not yet. But I was worried about your surgery because of the complications. There's complications with every surgery I know. But I do know someone that had gotten the sleeve, and I was scared. Like the person that I know that got it has so many fucked up issues light bo, I'm not really scared of And I know you tried it, but like

what you did change your life. But I was really just scared because like she'd be having issues with the what's the dumping thing? Can you talk about what was it? Dumping syndrome? But that happens in the beginning. It's like I mean to me, imagine like Thanksgiving when you like eat and you're like you just feel awful. So when you get the gas stric your stomach is much smaller.

So literally like the amount of nausea, nausea, nausea, there we go, the amount of like nausea and just how you feel like it's literally one of the worst feelings. And so like early on into getting gas stric like you literally can eat two bites and be full, and if you overeat immediately, you just feel like shit. It's just a big like lifestyle check. That's why they make you do you know, like, um, what is the psychiatric evaluation ship like that, because it's like a really big deal.

And not only that, like it's frustrating when we would go eat for not for me, but for her because she was just like, oh my god, like my social habits have changed then the acid reflecting with her throat now thyroid issues, so like it was just scary for me to like watch somebody go through that. But I know with light Bo they'd be just saying, like, just

shape your ship because that's what I want. But I know it's yeah, that's how That's how Kanye Mama died right like, and I know, like another Instagram model just did to me any type of surgery of course, but um with the with the light bo I'm getting, I'm just getting my stomach um. And I found a lot of people were like, because you were like, just gonna BBL but I don't want to do it because of

that artery. Like a lot of women died from getting their butt done, And I understand why waste that too, but fat when you can just put it in your ass, sounds like a great plan. But apparently the fucking artery by your ask like it could really like, it's one of the most complicated surgeries. It's got the most rampant deaths from bbls, I think in Miami. I was reading this one place. U there's a porn star I really like who got um light bo there? And I wrote

her on Twitter CG Cosmetics. Nine people died like within a year. That's how risky that BBL surgery was. But apparently the number, the ratio wasn't that bad because they do that many bbls. So anyway, I just get to me, has always been a thing, yeah or was it? Just like I feel like I've only known about them for a few years. I feel like I just over a decade now. Yeah, back when I was like, I knew about silicon, but it was probably like also the girls

I was hanging around, you know what I mean. And also I didn't understand the skinny BBO. I wish I had my Instagram. What is no, Butrea's body is real. No, it's not that I don't believe that. Okay, you don't have to believe it. It's not. Julia talks about this all the time, her asses consistent and mad pictures. I just refused to believe that you can't have a beauty, beautiful body like Drea has and b baby l my homegirl doesn't have a BBL. Shout out to Kaitlin Nicole.

She's a fitness buff like Drea, and I followed Dre and she's like crazy, that busy working out two three times a day. And I think, like, like, the skinny BBL looks so natural that you wouldn't know, because I know what you're talking about, that shape, the app etching. Damn. I wish I could find this doctor's name. But there's an Asian dude in Houston. He does all the skinny bbls. And once I found that out, I was like, oh,

I'm getting a fitness page. I'm gonna stuck it out and I'm gonna teach you how to keep it up. Have y'all ever actually considered being like a fitness influencer? I don't, nigga, do you know what the fun you talking to me? I don't know. I did when I was going to spend class a lot, but then I was like, no, I guess I talked about drug use and alcoholics. He right, It doesn't like match the upkeep. Maybe maybe it could be like a Brianda, you know

how she's like a Christian but she's like fun. Maybe I could be a fitness influer, but I'm like, misses something have you done that? Are there any popular fitness influencers that aren't like crazy skinny, because that's the kind of page I want it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm I mean my uh, I have my friend Ali, She's beautiful, Like do you know what I'm talking about? Handle miss Alissa sort of? I love like every regular looking person that's fit, miss miss dot alyssa sort of.

And then key to girl, let me get the uh numb key to girl nine to one. That's this is actually her outfit that I'm wearing. Her body is like just fucking beautiful. We said normal people, bro, these are normal people, and she did you not a crazy fit body? Like yes, look at her. Look how thick she is. Her ass is beautiful. Okay, Maddy, let me tell you what I'm talking about. Hold on, theseus are beautiful bodies. Yeah,

but that work out like you don't. I'm saying, like someone that's not flat stomach, that's healthy and working out, because I believe that that's a thing. There's a girl I'd be seeing on the Peloton ship that I do all the time. She's like in her look she's not like super thin, but that's the ship. I feel like she looked good. She looked too good. She looks great. It's not that's not normal. She had a baby. She just had a baby. You see. I can't look at

that on Instagram. I'm like, oh, I'll never get there. You can't be that good looking and tell me you a fitness now, I mean normal looking people. Mandy to me, she's to me, she's thick and just proportioned. I like that in proportions. I like it. Well, speaking of proportion, I'm about to get crazy ratio and I can't wait. And I was like, okay, so when I get fatty, and if I get fatty, and where's the fat gonna go?

He's like, well, you might get fat in the stomach, but it probably won't happen because the fat deposits change. He's like, so it would probably go to your bottom half or wherever you normally gain weight. And as you can see, my legs have been getting thicker, which is the one good thing about me getting fat. And I'm really excited to say I won't need a VVL because

I'm just hoping it's just gonna look so skinny. They're gonna be like, damn, where you gotta ask from, And I'll be like, doctor craft, That's what I'm really hoping for. But also I bring up the working out thing because medication, like, that's how I gain weight. I didn't gain weight because I was eating from depression. I gained weight from the actual medication. So you know, no, I didn't kill myself. But at the same time, I was like, well, bitch, I think a lot of people do forget about the

side effects of pills like that. Oh yeah, absolutely, but there's that's me up in hair weight gain. What is it, uh like you have like a like a low sexual drive is for some of them it imbalances your hormones, like it's hard to come. What was really kind of sad and I had to talk to the old Bay about it, is I wasn't able to come from sex because like I know he's and still I'm having trouble. And obviously I've been like sucking this person for so

many years. It's not like I can't get there right, but the the goal of orgasm is so intense in my brain. And I also know that he knows it's hard for me to get to because of medication, so he's probably thinking about it that I'm thinking about it. So it makes me anxious and I feel guilty because masturbation is the only patience I have with myself. You know, I feel bad to say you might have to suck me for forty five minutes when I used to come

in five. So like sometimes if I want to come, I just masturbate now, which is something that I don't know if anybody else is going through. But I feel super guilty because you just want to have sex with yourself and a lot of people will talk about that. You know, you may feel insulted if you find out your partners masturbating but they're not sucking you. But I can't explain it. It's just something that makes me feel less pressure right now and it works, so I don't know.

But anyway, once I stuck it out and I started looking at myself and to me, I'll be like, many, do you think it's gonna be an immediate confidence boost? Um? I get honestly, more than its confidence. I'm so frustrated that I'm not able to get back to what I used to look like, Like I don't feel like I'm my mood is down about it more than I'm fucking frustrated, Like you know what I'm saying, Like I know I used to look like this, and I know I'm it's

not because of my own habits. That's what drives me crazy. But um, maybe it'll give me some confidence, but I think with sex it will help. Like I don't actively think that I'm looking different when I'm sucking, but I feel like if my body changes, it might make me want to suck more. I don't know if that makes sense, because I feel like I still have face that really saves me. Yeah, Like you know what I'm saying, Like when you're not like feeling your best about your body,

I'm like, well, I'm still key. That's what I really be feeling. Like thanks for taking a pick in this moment. Have you ever felt like that? Like, m maybe now not been a long time. It's just really weird because um oh, with the holidays and being single again, I still only want to be with the person that I've been with for the last year and a half. So normally around the holidays, like even all my old hose they're with their families duh. Like so I'm not really

having the opportunity to backtrack. And then with all the touring, I don't have time to date. So I by myself just wanting to still be with him, um because I still have like a crazy sex drive. That's so I want to have sex. Um and so no, I mean outside of that, I'm just really trying to like I want to have sex with other people because I don't.

I don't. Um, I hate that feelings. I'm I'm I mean in d C, like I met like this little pretty girl, I realized, like I want to be with women more right now, um, but it's weird because I like, I have just like phases with them, like I'll be like, oh my god, she's so cute. I want to bring it to New York. I wanted to stay with me for the weekend. This happened even when I was in Orlando, that this other girl made out with her all night, and then when I got to New York, I was like, Okay,

I don't want anyone in my space. So I don't know, I don't know. I'm I'm having this weird like thing right now sexually, like I want to be with women, but I just want to be with my ex. So I wonder if you only want to be with women because you feel like you'd compare a man to him, you know what I mean, Like you do have to not like you would, but your body might. Well it's also crazy because sex with him over the last year and a half has been like the most life changing,

That's what I'm saying. It's not really I wouldn't compare it yet, Like I mean from his body to the way like after sex, like the aftercare he gives me, he stretches me, he massages me. It's like just so intimate. I just I have no desire to have sex with other people, which sucks. Yeah, because like are like like my old holes are ready to like, Oh, well, you know, I can meet you here. I can meet you there, like Nigga. Christmas coming up, so a bit do want

some gifts. But I'm still just like, but do we have to fun? Like I know, like you're my old home and i know we used to have sex, but I'm really not in the mood to have sex with like anyone else. Tell me if I'm crossing the boundary. But have you spoken to him? Oh? We speak every day? Yeah, we uh, we speak every day, but we're like not together and that's emphasized Like I am trying to date. Uh. I talked about it with Wheezy on a Patreon episode. I just don't have the time, Like there's no time

to date. Like I met this fine asked motherfucker and literally because we met online. He lives in New York as well. I said, you got two weeks to see me. If we don't see each other, then I'm good on you two weeks. If we love in the same city, there's no reason, right, No, A bitch had a show. I had a recording every day. Then I went out of town to Vegas. Then I went out of Sound a d C. Then I went out of sound to l A for a week, and I'm like, damn, I

don't have time to see you. And he works at nine to five, so like during the week it's different from him. I'm just like, fuck, and I don't want to date to Creative. I don't want to date anyone in the space. I don't. Yeah, I don't want to

date to creative. But I'm like, damn, maybe maybe I do need I'm telling you no, No, I feel like maybe I do need to like find out what the whole niggas hang out, Like I feel like I need a nigotus was hired that has nothing to do be available when I need him to be about creatives that I dated one, you know in l A. And there was something about it that I really liked because he didn't really seem disappointed at anything, like if I had to cancel on something or if my time frame or

taking calls, like he just gets it. And also I didn't have to go through the motion of oh, like yes, you're about to see this crazy clip on in Stagram, whereas like I feel like I feel like someone who isn't um in the industry so to speak, might feel a little insecure about that. And I'm also projecting from past partners because Old Bay is great with it. He don't give a fuck, you know what I'm saying, And

he works in tech. But I do find that people that are creative just start easier to move with, move along with. Also moreover, it's funny because I feel like industry or creatives, they don't really give a fuck if I'm a hoe in their head or not if their friends think I'm a hoe. They don't care what anyone's gonna like, you know, pick up on Instagram or like circle around in their group chat, like, they don't give

a funk. They understand. Like a lot of this is performance that you're doing that you have to you know, be a personality, be open, be fun, do the flirty ship, and you know, be sexy on Instagram Like that is a lot of our brands. You know what I'm saying that, have you guys ever dated someone who was almost like competitive towards you because of what you guys do? No,

Like my X hits all of this. He he's private, so he like, and I think that when we first started talking again, it was the pandemic, so he didn't realize the reach I had. And then when he started like bringing me up to friends and things like that, he's like, oh, so people I know like listen to your show and now they know about everything, like me

sharing a lot of our intimate moments. And yeah, because like now he's like like the way he carries himself, he's just very statuesque to himself, private, and like now his friends know like the sex clubs and what we do on our spirit time. And I think that was just a lot for people that he knows from work and from just like for years not knowing what he does in the bedroom. So like we've had a lot of talks about that. Do you ask for consent about it? Um?

Yes and no, Like it wasn't a problem until it was a problem, and then I was like, well, nig, just so you know, we prerecorded still for the next month and a half. It's already recorded, you know, it's already. I'm gonna share this because it's making me think of something and I wasn't going to talk about it. But someone I dated is dating someone new and I had. At first, I thought it was her, but I don't

think it is anymore. I got a page that tagged her and I both on Twitter, sending me an article that this person wrote. And in the article they talked about their partner who was the partner that I used to date, and how I was sharing intimate details of our sex life and they weren't happy about it. And it was the new girlfriend was not happy. I don't know, like she wrote an article about this. Oh got you sorry?

I wasn't making that clear and when um. The only reason I read it is because that person tagged me in it, and they were like, oh, she's calling you out. I don't a lot. It's not so. I thought it was gonna be like bar for bar, but it wasn't. It was vague and it may not have been about me. However,

there was something very specific they let me know. As me said, this person is sharing intimate sex details about our life and they're making content on the profit from the platform and basically saying that their partner expressed to her that he didn't like that. This to me was very insulting to read, especially because obviously consent is our fucking ship. You know what I'm saying. There's niggase that fun.

I've never talked about a horrible can't talk about on horrible because they're like, it doesn't matter if you don't say my name, like please don't. It makes me uncomfortable. This person that she's talking about was not only someone that I was consenting with discussing with, would share the episode with his friends, would tell people their name, would like be excited about it, laughed about it with me, like never once ever told me that they weren't happy

about it. I asked if I could share these details, and so I think, what's happening and what can happen and just making me think about what you just said is people change their mind or can act like they change their mind depending on the partner, because it ain't

him what he thought of me. You're dating someone knew who might have been like, wow, you were dating a sex podcaster, So now you're probably telling this bitch, Yeah, she just go up there and talk about this stuff, and like that's the only thing I could think because I had never fucking did that. I was really like upset when I read it, because to me, to make someone feel violated it is not what I want to do,

you know what I'm saying. And to know that like you expressed it to someone in that way, I'm like, either you were performing for this bitch, trying to make yourself seem like something like I don't know, but it wasn't what I did. And I think the reason that happens is because afterwards, when dating someone in the public eye, you're sitting there probably thinking about what you let happen

because maybe you were in love. I mean, but not only that, it's it's to the point where it's like, and I know you've said this when you were also reach it's like when we're out, people come up to him and now act like they know who he is. And so when that when the people leave us, he's like, what does that person know about me? Because he knows I'm on this show weekly and we talk and so it's more so like now there's strangers that think that they know who he is, and so that's you know,

that's another part of it. But um, it's weird because like when we talk about let's say, like the Brittany Runners or the Superheads, the girls that made books about all these people, I know that you know a part of you know, our our idea that or even when like rappers come out and say that they fucked with certain girls, one of our quick responses were like, well, what if that other person didn't want to know, didn't

want everyone to know about this. I think that I recently had the conversation because Drake did that with Sayssa, and it's just like, what did he do? Like pretty much mentioned that they used to funk with each other? How what do you say? I don't know the exactly I used to funk with Sayssa back in Oh Wait or something like that, And it was just like, what if Silia didn't want anyone to know that she used to funk with Drake? Yeah, like it's in one of his lyrics what fun and right? And so I know

he's done that with Black China. There's a lot of there's a lot of times, and so it does make me think like, damn, that's right. I'd sit here and wouldn't want someone to to go out and say that they've sucked with me without me saying it's okay. First. I think why I was really insulted in by ralists is because that person implied that people were like coming up to them and work and saying things, and I was like, Nick, first of all, I don't let me look what you looked like, so cut it out. I

feel like sometimes they just be dragging it. It's different with you and him, becausey'all were together in a lot of places where that happened. That did not happen with him and I. And I think he really was putting off for that girl. And if anyone I've ever dated has the notion to say that, it's scissors. She and I were face to face. She's been on an episode like, I mean, she is out there her face our mom's are my mama? Just god? I mean that. I was to say, bitch, I might have to get a new

motherfucking She said, you're gonna pay for my makeover? I said, mom, what are you talking about? She said, why did someone just come up to me while I was pumping my gas and said, oh my god, you're Mandy's why she said she got She's like, bitch, I ain't a celebrity. I don't need to be known out here. She's like, not me being known as Mandy's MoMA while I'm pumping

my gas. And so she's just like, oh, yeah, you're gonna have to get me a motherfucking makeover, because that's different because your mom is on your Instagram and obviously they came on the show, and our mom's are fun.

But I'm talking about as far as partners with faces, like I just really be surprised that Nick is really act like they meant that much to me, and like I had a whole last bit like are you serious not saying like I wasn't on his dick too because it was good, but like, yeah, it just really makes me think. And also what I did with Scissors, I grew as the relationship group, so even she wasn't ready for that, right, Like we got back together and Horrible

Decisions was one live showing. By the time we were like really really in it in it, it was like, oh, like it's city to city you got you gotta come to and now you know your girlfriend is We did a vice live. I remember that and she was like, oh ship, like people from back home we're watching this and I don't know. I'm trying to wonder like if I got married or five kids, didn't know what I do? What are your Since we're like wrapping up the year.

What are your relationship goals? Are there things that happened this year that you would want to change? Are you going into hoping something happens with your relationships? Like do you have any any thoughts of that war y'all keeping well? I mean like, I mean, like I've been with the same person nineteen Um right yeah right, because no, no, no, you might have been in the pandemic that that's true. That is and it's about too. I've had the same

person since Um, he'll probably still be around probably. Yeah, it depends. That's the key word. It depends. I mean it's on me. Like I'm very adamant with Like I'm letting him know. I'm testing the waters with other people if someone else shows up and I find interest in them, Like I'm gonna really walk about two can play that game? That's the waters? What the hell that's the water? People like, oh, he got man when he was liked in the friend zone.

That is disrespectful putting me in the friend Yeah, like I'm not happy where not when you like old They tried to call himself yeah man about l A Bay And I was like, first of all, niggie, did you not like it? Call you back. Yeah, but yeah, I mean you'll be here probably. I mean, ope stays let me see l A. Bay's out, which is sad because you haven't talked about him in once. Oh yeah, he like really did something to kiss me off, And I don't want to talk about it obviously because like you know,

I feel like I can't. I think we'd have to get to that point. But I'm piste off at him. Um. And also I think what makes me more angry about that too, is like I hate when someone does something that's disrespectful, um, even if they don't realize it, but you got to really cut him off because you can't let somebody do you like that twice, you know what I'm saying, Like, if i'd let you stick around, like then I'm the bish and lets you stick around after

doing that. So I can't, which is disappointing because he was great. But um, you know, I do miss Scissors a lot, Like it has been like ramping up, like really intensely. But she's married, she just had a baby, but she got a partner though, right, yeah, you get whatever. All I'm saying no to being disrespectful to the relationship. He just had a whole. But she has a family now and she's like, I don't give a funk about

that out her niggas, Why was I fucking? I was like on the phone with her own as we were on the phone and FaceTime talking, this is why the boyfriend did not want you with the baby shower girl. This is why shared it on the show. Is it? You ain't going to bring it up nothing. What I'm saying, I'm just saying, see what I'm trying to bea and I just feel like he's chumping at my throne. No, this is why the nigga don't want you around because you could slide back in there and it's just different

with a woman. But you know what it is too, So this is what I'm gonna say. Um. When I was on the phone with Sharonas and I started telling him this, He's just like I was like, I don't know how to feel. I missed her and like dad, he was like, nigga, like why do you keep doing this to yourself? Because he for me, all I do is like I talked to her all the time. We talked all the time, but it's it's not easy for me. You know what I'm saying because she feels like talking

catching up as good. She's got a baby, she's at home, she wants to talk, she's happy in her relationship. It but you know she's my I'm her friend and I know I'm her friend because when she's frustrated and like just like feeling down or whatever, and we talked like I feel really good that I could pick her back. Ready, Yeah, we are not gonna sunk out like I'm here. I'm here at that Nigga's true. I do not bad because I'm being there for her because I know that that's

the right thing to do. But also like she don't when the up, I'm here the emotional strain on me just like you see what I'm the selfishness of it all, just a child? Are you ready to take care of that? I'll tell you what we're trying to talk about, right Because he was like what the funk? Bro? Like did you I could have had kids, but you didn't have kids as you chose your careers and like why are you acting like this? And I was like, may just hear me out. You take care of your baby, but together,

you know what I'm saying, Like, wait, what bro? Trifling? I just wanted to talk to someone that co parent in different states. She's not trying to cope it. She is happy. But I'm saying, not you to co parent with this woman who is happy in her relationship. Girl, we're gonna be together before we die. I think so, the baby gonna be And this is you know what, the boyfriend got every right to not want you around his bitch at all. I don't want them to break up.

I want her to be happy. I'm just saying she's not happy. You know what I mean. I know I said I want her to be happy. I don't want them to break up. I'm just saying, I have no faith in niggas said about her man. This is about the male species. Okay. So what I'm saying is if not you hurt, so you so you can pick up her hurt. I don't want to be hurt. I'm just saying if look anyway, bro, all I'm saying is we're gonna be together at some point. I really believe it.

And if I got to be a baby, mama side and the baby, you know saying we gotta be mommy. Never two what lesbians, dude, Mama and mommy y'all telling me I never had a chick break your heart. That's what I'm saying. Bro bitches to be breaking hearts too, okay, But but like so, if we had to be, if you had to guess, I know a lot of lesbians that have been heartbroken. I know a lot of women

who have broken the hearts of men. Like So, to me, a woman being with a woman doesn't mean she's not going to be subjected to as much hurt as a nigga would put on you. You look like you Because I have a penis doesn't mean I break hearts. I didn't break her. I loved her very much and I was a good girlfriend. We didn't work out because we both want a different thing. We did not break up because you know what I'm saying, I was a fucking

cheater and so was she or some ship. No, Louis broke up because like I just couldn't give her what she wanted in that regard. But now she has it, which is great, so let us so let her how you you can't have it. I'm just saying, if whatever happens, like, do you see yourself being with a woman again. And by the way, we are like I don't know how far into this episode. Clearly there's no outline today at this point because I ain't gonna rush through my good

ass outline. I'm gonna say this ship of patriarch, bitch, I'm not just gonna run through it, because it was really good ship. I mean, we have to do Patreon episodes anyways, like near the holiday, so I'll save this, but I like, do whatever little ship you had. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not gonna just run through this motherfu outline. Bitch. It's like me a long time looking at her phone and I was like, I'm waiting. Oh yeah, no, I've been trying, and that already like forty minutes into the episode.

What do I miss about her? Oh? Well, but not only that outside of her, is it also just missing being with a woman. I feel like even the threesomes seemed to slow down this year. So do you think that it's also potentially you just really missing being with a woman. I don't. I don't miss having three sims with her, miss her, but I think also like like sucking her being with her, but you know what, like and and it sucked me up. I felt really guilty.

I was flying from l A. And I don't know if it was a song that came on or what happened, is something just triggered me, and I just started imagining my life with her, like thinking about her being in l A with me, like thinking about like if you know how I would maneuver this because her life is different, right, And I was like, okay, well I got two places I live now, like she got a family in Cali, Like maybe she would just live here and I could.

You know, to me, the goal at the end of the day is like I want to make sure I have enough money to provide for my family. I don't think about my partner. And I'm not saying like she don't have nothing or old, but they don't have ship. That's just how my brain works. I talked about that all the time. I want to have a kid, you know, I want to take care I take care of my parents,

Like that's the life I want. So when I think about her now that she comes with a kid, that's what I think about him, like, oh I could do this. I couldn't really do it before, but like I could do it now. So I just feel like it's more feasible for me now. That's why I think I start imagining my life with her because I'm like, that's what you wanted. Okay, you gotta baby, just come over here.

It's weird because even if, like even even at thirty one, I think that that's my issue, like even with like the conversations with my ex, like there's just I don't think he knows and I don't think I still know how I can truly show up as a partner because I like that we that like we travel together, we have fun when we're in town. I still cook for himself. But I'm still like I don't know if I want to live with a partner. I still don't really want marriage,

and I still don't want kids. So as far as like how he would show up as a partner to me, that's where we have like because he can't show up as a provider. I make more than him and the protector. He's like I've never been with a woman. Where why do you mean he can't provide for you? What do you mean? It's was like, I provide for myself. I make more than him. Like so even my lifestyle, like the things I like to do isn't him. He's a lot more regular than I am, as far as like

the places he likes to eat and so like. So because something you think of it like making it like for me when I think of riding him, like oh could this person like handle our home or something like, I think about little things like that. I don't think about much shob But no, he's great, like as far as like he helped me move, he built everything in

my house, like he's great in that aspect. But as far as like even if we were to move together, like he lives in Harlem, I live where I live, and I know my rent is a lot more than probably what he's used to. So even the idea of us living together, I know whatever I want to live in is a lot more than what he would probably want to live in or can afford. And so I mean there's that. And I also see two. Because you

don't want to take care of it. See the way I talk about scissors, I could never do that for old bay. Oh I'm not taking care of no nigger, but I would definitely like I would never even think to take care of like, which is great. And I'm glad are we we mesh because like me and him moved the same way in life, and that's why I think we really connected. But with her I talked like that. I don't think I would ever speak that way for

a man. Yeah, but I also realized too now the difference in I remember, like just saying I need my man to make six figures, there's a huge difference from someone making a hundred thousand and someone making six hundred thousand. So even just that gap like okay, yeah, he's probably very comfortable, but the gaps within the six figure or deal, it's a huge difference. And so that still comes with

a different lifestyle. Someone making a hundred thousand in New York still lives very different than someone making six hundred thousand in New York. So I mean, again, just the things that I know people seek in wives and long term relationships. I don't know if I have answers for that. I don't know if I realistically know how to show up in that way. Like I still like very much.

Also really good um when you talk about finances, right, because like a lot of times when we would say ship like that six figures or this need, this need that like I used to legit want to make a thousand dollars a week. That used to be okay for me, like I just want a thousand dollars a week. I used to think that that was the most. Like I remember just being happy that there was a comment my account for the longest, Like I didn't have that for

so long. So even when I was in my career as an accountant, steady, when it just stayed in there, When when I could pay my rent in a comments state, I was like, oh my god, I'm good. No, like no. And so now like now that I'm in my thirties and I'm looking for long term relationship, I've tried for the last year something that's non traditional, non monogamous, more

customized relationship. I'm now just now at thirty one, figuring out what my boundaries realistically look like, thinking about what I realistically want sexually, like going to the sex club every two weeks. That was great, but is it realistic? And this is a really fucked up to say, But my therapist made me realize what happened to me. You're questioning boundaries and things like that, and you're like thinking about what you want. My therapist told me that she

thinks the questions are happening because pain has happened. She like, once you feel pain or hurt, you reevaluate because you're like, I didn't know this would happen. What the funk is this? I think feeling a little bit of like because you were in love, you were I mean, I'm still very much, I still very than you aren't, but like you love him, you were up here from the super high of love,

and then something happened that you didn't expect. And it's like, once you feel that pain, you're like, is everything I've done canny? Can it work? I've thought about that too when I felt some pain for Oda, Like we have three soons. We do this all the time, Like do I want to have three soons? But I I I receive and expect pain because I don't know my boundaries,

so I expect to only know my boundaries. Once I realized the boundaries there like going into this type of relationship, mind you, it really being my first real relationship, like to where there was a responsibility, there was an exclusiveness, there was a way in which we had to show up for each other. I never really had to show up for nobody. As long as the niggas was paying my bills, I was hopping to different niggas, so I never had to show up for somebody the way I

did in this relationship, and so boundaries. I didn't know what to set. I didn't know what type of relationship I realistically even wanted. Monogamy I knew was something that just would set me up for failure, because I believe that those are unrealistic expectations. Real boyfriend the first is someone that you swing with. Just imagine the gradual nous, right someone girl Meeke's boyfriend. But I would ever break up single for a little bit. He's another way friend.

Sing a little bit, get some fucking experience under your belt. Then you have the way friend you go to the sex club with you like went end up. But also I think that I think the pandemic accelerated what our relationship was because I sat the funk down bit chall was at home. We may as well have both been in prison because we both exactly knew where the fun each other was every day. If he wasn't when me,

he was at home. Nothing was open in New York, so like it allowed us to really get to know each other, Like the pandemic helped, I think just dating all around for so much because it sat us the funk down. Now that I'm sitting here trying to date and I'm ten times busier than I was pre COVID, I'm just like, I don't even know how I'm supposed to meet someone now how I mean, I think meeting someone isn't it because you were nothing a meeting. I can remember making time for saying, oh my god, I

went away friends that happening. You were mad about not having sex. It's like you, you can't imagine it happening. Now You've had a great relationship, You've had a great person, so it's like, dude, that'sh It is hard. And I also think I actually just made me think with scissors. Now that I think about it, I'm like you right now, like even our breakup, it wasn't so painful to where I hurt, like we're hurt. We is one on the same page, and that's what we've been communicating is that

we weren't. No, we weren't on the same page with a lot of things. And because we weren't on the same page, I was just like, not the same working. Maybe we could revisit it and come back later, but we're not on the same page. Let's figure that out. You just said with you and Scissors, I still love her, I still want the best for her. We just want on the same page. Do you know what's fucked up

to about how I feel about Scissors? You know, Old Day and I have had a very relationship relationship holidays together, Like I mean, you know that's my name. Like to feel like that about someone, But I'm not saying obviously replaces my love for that person. But it's very scary because someone who's like truly by which is me was in a threat of which is me? And then so you don't really like each other, and like they don't like each other. But when she Vans, she was just

like I realized that too. Though, Um, you can't just put two people like you know what I'm saying. You have to build that and I need to have someone on the show that is like us. Like so many people that I meet, even in the swing life, are like, I've never met a true bisexual and so like they're like, you're a true bisexual. You identify as a true bisexual bisexuality, especially with women, I think a lot of people are more curious than not or feel the need to be

bisexual for their partners. But like when you're a woman who genuinely likes women genuinely likes men, like it's almost combat at romantically. And I think that's what's happening. Is like everything I think about that I really love in her. I don't have with old Bay, not in a bad way. You can't give it to me. Me and her have a very home girl best friend vibe. When we went to Paris and dipped off. Listen to this. You never gonna see her again, bitch. Listen when I tell you

I'm listening to her talk. This is why you go to the baby shop? What's the whole? First of all, he listens to this girl. You gotta sneak around, no no about him. I wanted to prisemate and be happy about Stop trying to like make me compete in my head right now, you're being right now, thank you. Let's just bring it up in a way. Let's just because it sounds like you the nigga waiting for a downfall, bitch,

how dare you all right? I don't want to wish a bat on anyone's relationship, but you want to happiness? I do feel like end up together some pore in our lives together? What do you mean back together? Like or like I'm gonna when we broke up, Like I never really thought we broke up? Yo? All right now man? Once you my bit, you my bit first, and I like that with any other Who have your other partners? Who have I said that about I don't know think

about it. I don't know we've all recorded. Eden's recorded with us three. I actually no, you have said that. You said that about love for boy. You say, yeah, because when I'm in the city, of course, I'm gonna pull up because du for sex. But as I ever. But that's like, I mean, you could still, but that's what I'm saying, Like there's still that level of attachment that I don't think about just pussy when it comes to her though, like obviously, I mean there's feelings, but

your emo that makes sense too. Why she Like I mean like when we broke up. I don't know if you remember, but like we went right back to being friends. Yes, like so to me and my nigga, right we're friends, yeah, Like yeah, so I know what that is. I will I never had TEX with her again after we broke up, show I will say this. He was crazy power Orlando show when she came that week, was the pandemic after that, and that's when she met Um, the person she's with now.

I remember we went out to dinner after the Orlando show and there's this very like she was like angry with me, but she didn't like say it in a way like it was just like I'm mad at you, but like I was definitely still in love with her. Then, Like I remember, I got out of the car to go to my parents house and she kind of looked at me like what the funk We're not like going to stay and I was like I thought you were. It was very weird. And then that whole interaction after

we got back from Toronto. I really was planning to like go back to Florida and like hash it out and figure out what we're doing and then depend on me happy. And then we did not go to Toronto. So beat you just to be fair. This is why you got to be fair. If I if I be like, yo, I'm sorry, let's get back together, we say, you know what happened. She run off and lived in Mexico. So you let to literally be with this man then, because you was in Mexico with your man. I didn't like

you gonna move to another country with your man. I'm gonna sit here and see what's up with this man. And this man ended up being out her baby daddy. Stop dragging it, because for one, I'm not dragging. I'm not righte Like, do you think it would have happened if the pandemic didn't happen? Like I was getting back together, like your whole relationship, Like, would it have been different with her? I think she would have had the pandemic? Not know he said her having a child? I think

she had because of the pandemic. You know what's going on? The guy though she told me about about her, the person she's with now, which I think is even sweeter about the whole situation, right, Like she's like a girl, what this kidd And she was telling me about him and then they ended up having a baby. But if there wasn't pandemic, I'm not sure, you know, I don't know how serious they would have gotten. I think that does change things. I think I wouldn't have been with

my ex had the pandemic not been a thing. So I wouldn't like the pandemic literally shaped a lot of people, like I know, but I know, I know for the people even they got met the nick on zoom, Like, what are the odds? You know what I mean? But I mean there was everyone was on the actually the whole world was on zons. Fucking flunny. That's such a pandemic star way to fucking meat like literally moment and then our first date was hiking when the funk would I have a lot to break up the funk the

love for a second. Can I just tell y'all this is how no a ship. I was on a funeral zoom and there was like eight people. What the funerals? You know, you couldn't go to funerals during the pandemic. They so they were literally they were live streaming, uh a lot of the funerals. That's fucking crazy. I know. It was like a funeral memorials zoome thing whatever do So I'm going through the page because I'm board us see. But one of these dudes was, oh my god, I

ain't gonna hold you. When we'd be on Patreon, we do a live town hall every month for those of y'all who have not joined our Patreon, and we have some pretty good looking guys that be on this except when you be every time you'll be trying to holliday him. But his wife and newborn baby. Be right. It was just my favorite one. First wash it out of them. You know they're in the same time. Yeah, they're in the Virgin Islands. He's so hands I'm gonna say. I'm

not saying I want to her nigga. Let me finish. I'm not saying I would suck her nigga. They got a baby. I'm just saying, so does he doesn't stop And you're like, I ain't nigger before and he won my man? Okay, Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, but I'm just saying they'd be on the they'd be on the Patreon and her man is cute, and I feel like she know her nigga is fine. He's just my type more than anyone else. And so what you said, you met somebody at a funeral on zoom nah, But

this is what I was trying to say. I felt like I wanted to like write him in the chat box and be like, oh, how do you know? So it's oh my god, is this fucked up? So then after the funeral was over, I looked at the attendee emails and I saw his name on there, and then I took his name put it in Facebook, and I looked him up and I was like, damn, he really fine, But also like, how do I add him now? Adam

on LinkedIn? I'm telling you Lincoln is like you have Lincoln. Yeah, I need to make one for like now that I'm a content creator, but I have bich. I still get my I deleted my old one because I was scared. Oh I still get my work anniversary at e y congratulations, which I know you wy no more? Which mind you if ever I needed a fucking job. When I tell you LinkedIn, all the recruiters be hitting me because that looks like I've been at e wife about three years.

And I tell you know what I tell you. They be be in my ship asking me like, hey, so we're looking for senior tax accountants. If you want to come, p WC is hiring an unlike not bitch never again, but um LinkedIn you get to really like you could see where the niggas work and they'd be like all dressed up in their little suits and their little abbeys and ship LinkedIn is where I'd be going on holiday, niggas bro LinkedIn Lincoln is the motherfucker's go to LinkedIn

be This is how I'm telling you. LinkedIn is low. Bay had to hire a few positions and he was like, let me do it on the diversity call. Right. He's like, you know, because I can find the black people to take this job. So he did this and we were in Mexico City later throughout the day, his phone was buzzing on LinkedIn right. And mind you, his company is huge, um huge, huge company, like maybe over hundreds thousand people work there. So the diversity call was big and he

clicked on LinkedIn. He was like, damn, I see all the black girls from his call. I mind what the fucking bitches won't? So mind you think it? Cat like and he was like, he was like, I didn't even talk to them. I just saw them in the chat box. All of them are on there. Fucking horse. I love it, like honestly, again, I don't want to creative. I still scroll through LinkedIn profiles. I love it. I love it. So you can never see yourself with another creative like ever,

I don't want to be with one. I mean unless they make not even if they make more at me. I just I don't want to creative. I think you don't care if they make me. You just said you're excid and make as much. So why would it matter? No, because creatives can be broke. Maybe really artist I don't know, Like my nigga still has six figures. Even as someone

who's white collar. I wouldn't want an aspiring you're saying the only reason will say there's a particular nine to five that you can have, right, And this is not me, Like I don't care about the money anymore. There's something I realized being in my relationship with the fun He can do whatever the funk he wants. If he was like we're going to Mexico for the weekend, I'm working there, he can do. That's what I'm saying. I wouldn't date an accountant either, like the way I used to have

to be in my office, have no do. But know when someone works from home, they can move with you, you know what I'm saying, Like, well, if they got again pandemic blessing, do you know how many jobs like are really paying and you can do remote now? Yes, Like I love what that has done for because that we can be home, or we can just take our work on the go, like I love all of these remote jobs. Now we didn't We didn't have an outline for this week, so hopefully you'll enjoyed what we shared.

But I did still want to do homemaale because a lot of our recent episodes we didn't get a homemail. Um, so this one the title says, I'm single, but I sucked up. We have never by the way, when we don't have outlines not done a I almost swear. I think just the therapy episode is the only one where we didn't do have an elship where we didn't do a horrid or like, if we don't have an outline, will at least do one of them? You know what

is synergy? No, it's that I really worked on this outline and I wasn't gonna rush through the fact that our catchup was starting saying the synergy because the apple just flew by long. What was well? Now it was. But when I looked at you and you said, I knew we was already halfway through what you know what, I said, I'm not sneaking my When Mandy and I were like first podcasting, we were like talking to the

phone like would you do last night type? There was one thing really special, as fucked up as it sounds, because I said recently on live, someone was like, did you find out I was on a Horrible Decisions Live? They said, did you find out about Mandy's breakup or what happened in her breakup while you were doing during the ringlets? It was that real reaction. I was like, yes,

I had no idea what happened. And it was funny because they're like, well, that's crazy on on talk, I was like, it is, but there is at least a real like no ship, oh my god, when we're telling each other's stories and it kind of works. It's five years. Imagine if you're really podcasting with someone who knows all your tea, you kind of got to like retail the story and be like, girl, you know what I told you about blah blah blah. Like every reaction is real.

When I'm telling Mandy something on Patreon, that's really where we spill our tea for anyone who's wondering, it's coming out of my mouth for the first time, and I kind of like it. It's I'm gotten used to it. I think it's out of fun and it's nice. That was very kind of you to be open about your situation. I mean I was not trying. But also like I've known mall for like ten years. I've known Rory now. Actually I know them all longer than ten years. I knew more before I moved to New York. Um, and

then I've known Rory. He was one of the first people I met when I moved to New York, maybe within the first week or two. I met him through Cam who does Henny and so like, I think also just being where I'm really talking to my friends, like where Ma has literally brought me Thanksgiving Day food because I didn't have my family up here. Rory has eaten dinner I've cooked for Rory and he ate at my house. So like, just I guess having those friends and knowing

that they mean, well, it wasn't a gossipy thing. They was just like damn really But also a lot of people like want like enjoyed me in my relationship. It really hard to figure out, like when you know somebody man, he was like he's hurt. He was like, what did this nigga do? Like I mean really really really really still like I mean in his car easy, because I

think that that's also where we're at now. In our conversations, he's like, it's good to see that neither of us are perfect now, so now we're actually having to love each other through our imperfections. Perfect. No, I know I'm not. I know I'm not. I have this masculine trait that he hates. What is what do you mean like, bitch?

If you raise your voice, imna raise my voice too, And I jump at him where I don't think in his entire life he's dated a woman that will mother get Oh yeah, yes that's me, like I believe, and he calls me like he hates that. He calls it like this fucking feminism bullshit. He fucking hates it because he's like, why do you think this is? Why do you think everything a man can do, so can a woman. I said, because they can. And you're not gonna if

you curse, bitch, I'm a curse if you raise your voice, bitch. No. I never would call him a bitch. No, but I get no only when this fighting words get very blackout sometimes. See, you know what's crazy, and I think it's so calm. I hated like you were saying if he's so, and he he never really raises his voice, so when he does, I'm like, you're raising your voice. Don't do that because then I'm going to raise mine. And now we're yelling, and that's my thing too. I really do not like arguing,

and he knows that. So I'm like, does Mandy you you said you do some people arguing, not like a real one. Yeah, I don't like like a fight. Fuck, Like, why do you be acting like that? Yes? You know. I'd just be like, we're not gonna argue right now, Like this isn't a time for that anyways. Let me get back to this goddamn homemail. So we hit the funk on out of here, all right. So I'm single,

but I sucked up high, ladies. I've been listening to your podcast since it came out in seventeen and has honestly made me become the woman that I am today. I've always been a sexual human, and I used to feel bad about it or like I was a whore for just liking sex, But you guys made me feel a lot more confident and now I don't give a ship, which also probably kind of put me in this situation. So anyways, a little background about me and this guy that I am seeing. We will call him Will Hey. Will.

We met on tender back in twenty nineteen and had a few dates. Things were going really well, but he was only in my city for a month for work and then had to go back home, which was two hours away at the time. So we had a discussion before he left what we were doing with our relationship, and we came to the conclusion that we would try to see what happens. So we tried, and there was a lot of back and forth bullshit and it didn't end up working out. Things ended cordially and we kept

in contact here and there. Okay, so jump to now. He moved closer to me, so now he's only forty five minutes away, and we kind of resparked whatever we had a couple of years ago. I would say our feelings have grown a lot for each other and we've had some serious talks. But let's not forget I technically am still single. So this other man who I've had sex with before, hits me up when night, asking me what I'm up to, and I say nothing. So he comes over and one thing leads to another and I

end up giving him head. I was on my period, otherwise we would have had sex. After I gave him head, I look at my phone and I have five texts from Will telling me that he's in my city and he was trying to surprise me by showing up to my house, but I wasn't answering my phone, so he left. My heart quite literally fell into my ass. I did not expect him to do something so cute like that, and this was the closest thing I've ever done to cheating.

I was so hurt by my actions that after the other man left, I threw up because I felt so bad about what I just did. Just imagine driving forty five minutes to see your man after working for sixteen and you're no, Well, forty five minutes is how far he lives. Now, Um, to see your man after working sixteen hours and your man isn't answering his phone because he's with another bit Now, of course, well doesn't know what I was doing because I just told him I

fell asleep. But now I have this terrible guilty conscience and don't know what the funk to do. This situation made me realize how many feelings I have for will and how atlee? I just sucked up? But do I tell him what I did? Or do I keep it a secret and just move on. I don't want to have a guilty conscious forever if him and I do end up progressing into something more. Help me, please, what do I do? Do you know why I remember this home mail? There was a specific sentence that made me

laugh so hard. I was out somewhere when I read it, just out eating and just like I think I flagged it because whenever you guys send us home mails, please put homemail on the subject, by the way to horrible decisions at gmail dot com. When it doesn't say home mail and we searched it, we it ends up getting lost. The girl goes, I gave him head, blah blah, and then she goes, this is the only time I've ever kind of cheated. And I was like, kind of, you

kind of sucked the day. You know, giving head is for sure cheating, right, But she was like, this is the only time. You're like almost like no, but so it's not technically cheating if you haven't put a label on your relationship with this man. So like you having a lot of feelings for will doesn't doesn't equate to you cheating because he has not made you exclusively his partner. So is it okay? So fine, it's not cheating? But

is it not dishonesty? Almost? Why I shouldn't tell you everything I'm doing when we're not together, Like that's something that comes with loyalty, with a relationship, with having responsibility to this person. We're nothing because she really liked this man and so maybe in her mind that's her boyfriend. I know he hasn't fully made them. I have a lot of feelings about, um, one, being faithful to someone

that's not your partner. I have made that mistake a lot, and it's gotten me in so many situation ships that I didn't necessarily want to be in. And I think it's very unnecessary to put that kind of pressure on yourself because I know you said you threw up. That's also nervous. If you with forty five minutes with dicking your mouth, that wasn't your gilt, bitch, She was like,

damn about to get caught. But um, if you're the type of person that needs to tell, like, I understand what a conscience, guilty conscience can feel, Like I totally understand. Do you want to tell tell me? I wouldn't. I wouldn't divulge in that because I think that people the way that you're feeling bad about it isn't going to outweigh how it's going to play in his mind. He's gonna be like, well, how did you get there? How is it possible that you even wanted to suck another dick?

How could you do this to me? I thought we were going somewhere. So weird though, because I feel like she's like, I'm not with my partner now, but my partner just like pop up, Like he's popped up and brought flowers. He's popped up and brought food since y'all not together. No, okay, that's what I'm saying. But so well, no, yeah, when we broke up, but I walked outside and he had flowers and breakfast by my door, and he was like, I didn't want to interrupt, but you were on my

mind this morning. So he's done that, And so a part of me, even when I'd be thinking of inviting somebody over flowers, I love flowers. I would I don't like up flowers, oh no, but flowers is like one of the things and they were my favorite. Got me some flowers, like some flowers are my favorite. Oh, they got me some flowers delivered to the house and I said the guy who was at the doors, like, I didn't order any food. He's like, oh, these are from I said, no, thank you, closing the door, and I

text and I want them. Sorry. I lied flowers Nia, Oh well, I like flowers. I got them all the time in my old apartment, so I was like, nigga, what a flowers? When I moved to motherfucking Queens, I don't get flowers as much anymore. But no, So like because he's popped up unexpected, a part of me does feel weird to even invite someone over because I'm like, oh my god, what if I'm sucking and it's nigga come and try to think that any worth. I'd be like, but you lock a lim on to like it's easy

for nick to be like, I'm hat someone. So what you're doing, I'd like, well, I will tell you this. This I wouldn't tell. I wouldn't tell either, because I don't think that's well, it's not that serious. And I think that once you guys get to a point where you agree that you should be not exclusive to each other, but you're in a place where you're not supposed to

be seeing at people. You might be growing and getting there, your feelings might be ramping up, but your feelings don't necessarily need to do with what you should be divulging.

What if that what if that relationship grows, even if it grows, why you I mean you could talk about things that you've done, but the idea of and we had an episode about that, like over sharing your sexual pass with your partner cool, But to me, to even preface it, like you felt bad that you were cheating because you were seeing him, Like to me, I just don't think it needs to be brought up at all. Like, girl, the nigga did not exclusively claim you, y'all relationship, you

don't owe him telling him that you suck. Also, I will see this. We had this moment in Mexico. We're over and I just started talking about all the whole times we had. I don't know why it happened, Like in the beginning of our relationship. I was like, when did you really stop sucking other bitches? And he was like, what do you mean? When I was like telling me the dr thinking. I was like, because at one time when you went out of that lap, and that's that

I wasn't feeling good. I other nigga, and he was like and we laughed about it, and it's like, what you're gonna do now? Like what you do? I think it takes a time to get there, because in this moment, if I heard that you were sucking another day and be like, you know, give a fok about me, you don't want to get back together. But two years from now, I'll be like, oh girl, whatever, Yeah, maybe save it for like two years from now. If he's even in the picture two years from now exactly, it might be

the niggas suck. Well. Sorry for no outline this week, but I hope you guys enjoyed kind of us talking it out for what our and relationship woes and everything has been here. In um, next week, you guys are going to get a recap of some of our favorite episodes from one And let me go ahead and tell y'all now, top of the year, we are going on a break. Um, so you guys were gonna get drunk. We are, But that's basically why that's gonna happen. But it's gonna be some travels going on and really just

us to break before we get up for two um. Also, if you haven't yet going over to horehive dot com, if you're still looking for stocking stuffers and things, they got five days, that's fine. Our shipping is I feel like we'll talk to Alice to make sure they get it. She gets it out. But we have a lot of things. We have stocking stuffers, and even if it goes late, bitch, I'll still be getting people gifts well after the holiday.

And Obey ordered me this makaj coat, and the nigga fucking got this big gas box and printed out the code last year on a fucking he's like, I had to go to a kink coast and everything and it was a picture of the coat because the shipping was delayed. Like whatever do That's something you get a bit of Patreon membership if you all trying to do some Christmas gifts,

you know what I'm saying. Yeah, if you guys want to keep up with us during those two weeks, if you join us on Patreon, we have new content there, so y'all can hear a little bit about us and what's going on don the holidays whatever, um, but yeah, I have a very safe holiday, absolutely, and I do want to think too. Because we're wrapping up the air, I want to shout out to everyone, especially all the new hor Hive members. They have been live in full

effects at the live shows. It was literally they feel like a half the audience is like where I told you, COVID I don't know. It must have took him. My son may gone. They're not. They're not coming to our shows unless they just really some homes who don't want to get vaccinated. That's gotta be one of our old holes don't want to be vaccinated. So they're like, hey,

uh sorry, maybe y'all show up to Atlanta. But um, I want to shout out to everyone that went to the DC show, the New York show, the l A show in Atlanta. Thank you guys, um for all of those cities that y'all keep writing under the post. We will be announcing hopefully some shows um in the spring, so we're looking forward to seeing y'all again. Make sure you're going over to patreon is patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions, UM check that out. And yeah, you light

and lub y'all. We wish you a happy happening days been a happy new Year. I promise we won't do that next year. Enjoin next week's episode of our recap. Tweet us put on Instagram your favorite episode. Hopefully we can um favorite guests, all of that, um and honestly, just just thank you guys. This has been yet another episode wrapping up one baby. It's bonus bitches. Hey everybody, welcome back for another episode of our Patreon, which normally

is more up to date. I mean, I know this is the week of Christmas, but um, we did record it a little bit before so we can enjoy time with our fam. We're coming off of our Atlanta high. I feel like everybody is tweeting us about like coming to a different city. If you could pick like two cities that you feel like we gotta go to for the New year, where would it be that we haven't done yet, not that we haven't done yet, or that we just need to go to New Orleans for sure?

I mean, I like, I don't know, I don't know, we've we've never been to New Orleans, so I don't know how to gauge that. UM to me, outside of the four cities we did, Chicago and in Houston have always showed out for us. UM. I would also say an honorable mention to Philly, even though Philly is right there. Philly goes really hard in our comments. Um, even though they didn't go hard at the first year we had there, I thought it was fine. I think it was close

to a sellout. I thought they did well. I think Baltimore has been asking for years for us to come there. But those would be those would be I guess my cities. Yeah, definitely Chicago. I forgot about them that a Chicago is a stand hive that we have there. Chicago is real just because Tammy there. I mean only Dammy. It's it's it's everyone's funny because every city I know a person now in my head yeah, um, which is kind of nuts.

Whenever someone's like a regular fan, no offense to anyone that listens to the main episodes, but sometimes I'd just be like, I don't really know you, but it's because Patreon just to give you guys an idea if you're a new Patreon or old Patren or whatever. We um we see the names a lot more frequently. It's something we have to manage closely. It's not like an Instagram thing. We're seeing first and last names. We're sending messages because

of merge or Um. On top of that, uh, the zooms the town hall has really gotten me closer to the hor rive. Yeah. I really like the zooms that we do every month. I really like that. Are you in bed? I am? I've never seen you with this background. I feel like I'm the one with that. It's been a long, a long morning. I'm not gonna get into it,

but I am officially officially officially single. So it's like this is the first like and I'm officially single, like there's no coming back, and I don't know, it just hit different. I feel like I've been preparing for it with our ups and downs recently. But it was just a long night. Did you do a long night? Did you get to at least talking and figure out you'd be single in person? Yeah? It was in person and it it just got not great. So it's done forever.

Do you feel good about at least closing a chapter and not being in limbo now because it wasn't closed good? Okay, Like he closed it by saying he doesn't even want me to like him. He wants me to hate him, and so just things were done and said for me to hate him, which I'm just like, it was just an extreme it was an extreme measure to like, maybe you start, maybe he doesn't, maybe he was angry. That's a weird thing. I mean, I mean, no, there's a lot. I mean he's grieving. There's a lot going on in

his personal life. And all my friends were like, it's deeper than you, but for sure there's no coming back. So to know, like I'm going into the holidays, like literally the last episode we were talking about gifts, which you know isn't a thing that he celebrates of course his birthday, yes, And so to be going into the holidays single and to know I'm gonna be starting the new year off fresh, It's just like it's weird and

I would love to know how y'all do it. But I just tweeted something in feeling the high of love and now experiencing hurt and heartbreak, why do people choose to feel this way again and again and again, Like a part of me just wants to feel my free time up with friends and work again, Like I don't want to experience the highs and lows of love again, I'm good. I'm good. Love is like the best drug of all right, Like that's something that we hear all

the time. Love is definitely a drug and where people are addicted to that puppy love feeling. There's nothing like that beginning feeling, that feeling of the first I love you, the feeling of will you be my girlfriend, the feeling of your first vacation and meeting families. It's like those moments are what we're and I think the other thing and why I'm such an emotional person.