Why does the inner judge in our brains automatically default to negativity? We assume the worst and let our insecurities lead the way. How does this inner judge interfere with our friendships? And what can we do to create curiosity instead of negativity? Ann Imig , creator and author of LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER , and life coach at Listen Life Coaching , is here with practical tools that will help keep the judge at bay. Ann encourages "curiosity, celebrating, and savoring" in our friendships, "showi...
Dec 19, 2024•36 min•Season 1Ep. 125
I love answering listeners' anonymous friendship dilemmas. It's a letter spotlight episode with three short anonymous letters from listeners with various friendship issues. I did my best to give practical, helpful advice. The subjects are: A listener whose friend makes little digs at her friend whenever they shop together. A listener whose friend always chimes in late to the plan-making in the group text thread then wants to make changes. A listener who wants to introduce her friends to each oth...
Dec 12, 2024•17 min•Season 1Ep. 124
I'm thrilled to welcome friendship experts and comedians Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo of Man of the Year podcast ! In honor of these male "chief friendship officers," (their term, which I love!) I'm finally tackling the often-requested topic of platonic relationships. Matt is married and Karo is single so that provided a slightly different point of view, which was helpful. We also discussed how often you "should be" liking your friends' social media posts, a topic younger people on TikTok yell at ...
Dec 05, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 123
Friendship breakups are an ageless, universal issue. In my 10 years of writing about friendship and receiving many anonymous letters, I've seen that it makes little difference in the grief process if there was a direct conversation with the friend, a fade out, or an abrupt ghosting. No matter the circumstances, we must take time to heal when a friend is no longer in our lives. Today's episode is a revisit of my conversation with Diamonde Williamson, who found a way to make art from a painful fri...
Nov 27, 2024•26 min•Season 1Ep. 122
Are there rules for making plans with friends? Who should be the one to suggest the day, time, and place? If you reach out for plans, should you also throw out some dates that might work? OR, do you wait for the other person to "prove" their interest by offering some dates on the calendar? The short answer: there are no rules. The longer answer (only 16 minutes), is this week's episode-- "Rules for Making Plans With Friends." It's the newest letter spotlight episode, which gave me the chance to ...
Nov 20, 2024•17 min•Season 1Ep. 121
Being generous in our friendships makes us better friends and keeps solid friends in our lives. We're not talking about money here! To quote this week's guest, relationship-based therapist and author, Emma Nadler , "When we act more generously we feel better. So there's a lot in it for you, too." We discussed Emma's top five ways to be a more generous friend, and I added one of mine to the list. So yes, in 29 minutes you're getting SIX ways to be more generous in your friendships, which research...
Nov 13, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 120
What if your next good friend is an old friend who drifted away from your life for reasons of circumstance and not personality or hurt feelings? If you're in a stage of life where you're lonely, you've moved, or you simply want to shake up your social life, your next solid friendship might be waiting for you in "the past." Yes, reviving old friendships could be the missing piece in your current friendships. Maybe you went to college with this friend, worked together, sat on the bleachers when th...
Nov 05, 2024•27 min•Season 1Ep. 119
"Social" prescriptions from your doctor? Yes! What if for the sake of our mental and physical health doctors wrote prescriptions for cycling groups, fishing clubs, or volunteer positions on a farm? Those are real scenarios in Julia Hotz's THE CONNECTION CURE: The Prescriptive Power of Movement, Nature, Art, Service and Belonging , "the first book exploring the science, stories, and spread of social prescribing." In today's episode, a perfect follow-up to last week's episode on the importance of ...
Oct 30, 2024•32 min•Season 1Ep. 118
"Many friends are entering the empty nest phase of their lives and some are really dreading it. Celebrities like Brooke Shields share on social media how they aren't ready. Planning ahead by embracing new hobbies and friendships can help change the focus during this major life shift." Those words are from guests Dara Collins and Donna Kassman, queens of mahjong and canasta. Maybe a game is not your thing, that's okay. There is a new (or old!) passion out there waiting for you. I started playing ...
Oct 23, 2024•29 min•Season 1Ep. 117
What a thrill to interview author and journalist Allison Gilbert, who met with Dr. Ruth Westheimer, of blessed memory, every week for a year during what would be the last year of Dr. Ruth's life. Together they worked on Dr. Ruth's final book, The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life. Dr. Ruth was determined to help people suffering from loneliness and dysfunctional friendships, and I believe this book accomplishes that task. We just need eve...
Oct 16, 2024•33 min•Season 1Ep. 116
Today's "Quick Friendship Tip" is about how to capture the attitude and spirit of that special "freshman energy" apparent on any college campus in the first three weeks of school when making new friends as an adult. There is something real happening in that freshman year, specifically the first three weeks, that is magical for friend making. I saw it while dropping off my son for his freshmen year of college in August, and I remember it from my own freshmen year. I'm grateful to former guest, Gr...
Oct 08, 2024•9 min•Season 1Ep. 115
Do you know your Enneagram (personality) type and how your core fears and desires impact your friendships? I understood very little about anything Enneagram related before my interview with Christina S. Wilcox, author of Take Care of Your Friends: An Enneagram Guide to Interpersonal Relationships . I still have a lot to learn! Consider this episode an introduction to the Enneagram and a reminder that each of us is wired differently through nature, nurture, and life's experiences. Understanding o...
Oct 02, 2024•40 min•Season 1Ep. 114
So, you've unintentionally hurt your friend's feelings. Or, your friend hurt your feelings, likely not on purpose. My wise mom joins me in this replay episode about forgiveness---asking for forgiveness and wanting apologies from others. We also discussed grudges, forgiving but not forgetting, personal stories of our own pettiness and others' pettiness, and more. LINKS MENTIONED: The 20 questions my husband uses for self-reflection around Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. The article I wrote for Kvel...
Sep 26, 2024•25 min•Season 1Ep. 113
This week's friendship topic is the frenzy of college admissions and how it affects friendships between teens and how it potentially affects friendships between those teens' parents, too. Most importantly, we discuss how to approach the college admissions world with a level head! Meet Kate Proger: Kate Proger , is a college planning consultant and admissions expert. With degrees in both psychology and educational testing, as well as executive function coach training, Kate has helped hundreds of ...
Sep 16, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 112
It's another letter spotlight episode! This week's anonymous letter is from a woman with two friends who never ask about her. She's fed up doing all the listening and none of the talking. She wants to know how to handle this friendship dynamic and whether other Dear Nina listeners deal with this same issue. Let us know in our facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group . In The Letter Spotlight series I'll be reading one anonymous letter from my inbox every six weeks or so and sharing my answer. Last m...
Sep 06, 2024•12 min•Season 1Ep. 111
Thrilled to welcome Dr. James F. Richardson, author of Our Worst Strength: American Individualism and Its Hidden Discontents , who explains how his neurodivergent friend difficulties inspired a deeper exploration of, "how our American value of self-reliant individualism encourages us to be way too independent, undermining many relationships, including our friendships." Listeners will appreciate James's sense of humor, heart, and practical tips for understanding each of our friends as individuals...
Aug 28, 2024•40 min•Season 1Ep. 110
"Quiet quitting" is the latest term for withdrawing from a friendship, phasing out, or disengaging completely. In this episode with the insightful Dr. Miriam Kirmayer , a clinical psychologist in Montreal who specializes in friendship, we discuss why someone might choose the strategy of "quiet quitting" for fading away from a friend. Let's say you know that a friendship has run its course, but the friend has done nothing wrong. How do we go about distancing from a friend or ending a friendship? ...
Aug 20, 2024•34 min•Season 1Ep. 109
Talking to friends about money has always been a taboo topic. What if, instead, discussing money with friends could deepen a friendship? Money can be an enormous issue between friends, which is why I'm revisiting my conversation with Shondaland.com staff writer, Mia Brabham Nolan. We discussed ways to make talking about finances with friends less awkward. Some of the solutions apply to any topic that's normally private and therefore tough to handle in friendships. Keeping so many topics taboo in...
Aug 14, 2024•27 min•Season 1Ep. 108
I rarely cover family relationships on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, but I consistently receive letters about sisters-in-law so I realized it was time to broach the topic. Let me first say, I have a wonderful relationship with my sisters-in-law. I'm lucky! I was still able to take what I know about getting along (or not) with friends and relate it to the sister-in-law problem that listeners and readers keep writing to me about. In this new series, The Letter Spotlight , I'll be shar...
Aug 04, 2024•18 min•Season 1Ep. 107
Today is a tough topic, and I'm not going to promise you that we come to an easy solution at the end. The fallout from losing the friendship of an entire group is a heartache that takes tremendous time to heal. Today's guest, is still in that healing process. I spoke to writer and podcaster, Meghan Judge, about her experience being dropped by an entire group of friends in a small community. This happened in her adult life (and not that long ago). Meghan takes us through her story of becoming fri...
Jul 30, 2024•35 min•Season 1Ep. 106
After a trip to Chicago to say goodbye to my childhood house, I appreciated how even one meal with your long distance friends means so much. You need time with your long distance friends, but not as much time as you think. You don't need full weekends away, though of course those are nice. You don't need long retreats in fancy resorts or expensive rental houses. Yes, it's true that with extra time you can cover more ground, but it's still worth making an effort to hangout in person even for one ...
Jul 23, 2024•14 min•Season 1Ep. 105
Jill Smokler is the creator of Scary Mommy, one of the most original and successful mom blogs ever. She was also the first mom blogger to sell her site to a major media company. But Dear Nina is not a business podcast, and this is not a discussion about business regrets or rebranding. Jill was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. And since Jill is also my real-life friend from college , this episode is personal. Jill and I had a candid conversation about her diagnosis, her decision to step away...
Jul 17, 2024•35 min•Season 1Ep. 104
Episode #103: Friendship meet-cutes, the perfect jacket or blazer, fashion emergencies solved by our friends, making the first friendship move, and more. I'm talking to Rachel Levy Lesser of Life's Accessories: The Podcast for a fun crossover episode. We covered: Some personal friendship "meet-cutes" that mean more to us than our former romantic meet-cutes. Yes, our stories include blazers and jackets. The leather jackets in my best friend Taryn's closet that I coveted as a teen. The very specia...
Jul 09, 2024•34 min•Season 1Ep. 103
Shasta Nelson , friendship expert extraordinaire, joins me to discuss how and why to be honest with friends when we're upset with them. Our friendships CAN survive tough conversations, hurt feelings, and conflict. AND, our overall social health will improve when we learn to get through the hard stuff with our friends. Meet Shasta Nelson: Shasta Nelson is a leading expert and author on social relationships, speaking across the country and facilitating events to build belongingness and human conne...
Jul 01, 2024•38 min•Season 1Ep. 102
It's the first official "ask me anything" episode in honor of 100 episodes! The questions came from my anonymous inbox , my Facebook group ( Dear Nina: The Group) , or through Instagram and TikTok -- both @dearninafriendship. I had a great time answering questions and I couldn't even get to everything so I will keep doing these every so often. Some of the topics I covered in under 30 minutes: Be more direct with friends Awkwardness after ending a friendship Friendship trios, rectangles Letting f...
Jun 21, 2024•28 min•Season 1Ep. 101
They say camp friends are the best friends. Why? At camp there are no screens, you take risks, parents aren't breathing down your back, and the magic ingredients of endless hours + constant proximity make it possible to create intense, close bonds with kids your age. In this special episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I have voicemails from campers and former campers ages 15-50, and I have a fantastic in-depth discussion about the highs (and lows) of camp friendships with autho...
Jun 13, 2024•40 min•Season 1Ep. 100
Welcome to the 14-day friendship (mindset) cleanse, brainchild of previous Dear Nina guest, Anna Goldfarb, whose book Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections , is finally out in the world. Don't feel put off by the word, "cleanse." This discussion is about reconsidering how you're approaching friendships and how you're treating your closest friends. (And that particular list shouldn't be too long.) By the end of this episode, you will have a healthier frame for thinking thr...
Jun 04, 2024•33 min•Season 1Ep. 99
There are five questions I want us to be asking ourselves to get a sense of where our friendships stand. Even if you're not a student or a parent, thinking in school months is a helpful measure of time. Maybe you got some grades. Maybe your kids got grades. Maybe at work you got an evaluation. It's also worth your time to evaluate your friendships and give yourself an honest assessment. And if you DO have kids of any age all the way through college, this is a good short episode to send them. I'm...
May 28, 2024•14 min•Season 1Ep. 98
Invisible disabilities can turn into a source of shame and unknowingly get in the way of friendships. What is an invisible disability? It's any condition that is not obvious, perhaps even to the closest of friends. Some examples are depression, anxiety, other mental health diagnoses, as well as physical conditions such as chronic pain, fatigue, and too many other examples to list where symptoms are felt but not seen. This week's guest, Estelle Erasmus , shares her experience with genetic hearing...
May 19, 2024•25 min•Season 1Ep. 97
I have been a Gretchen Rubin fan since 2009 when I read The Happiness Project the week it came out. Who could resist that cover and concept? And I cannot believe this, but I got to discuss my favorite topic, friendship, with Gretchen Rubin on Dear Nina. In celebration of Gretchen's paperback release of Life in Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World , I am replaying our episode from about a year ago. I found my favorite parts of the episode and put it toget...
May 10, 2024•48 min•Season 1Ep. 96
