Oversharing, overtalking, undertalking, undersharing, small talk, deep talks, mismatches in vulnerability, and the art of listening---these are the tricky friendship topics we are dealing with today. I'm joined by Micaela Blei, a GrandSLAM-winning storyteller and former founding Director of Education at The Moth. Topics we covered: There is no right or wrong in how much to talk or how much to share. The words "over" or "under" signal a potential mismatch in conversation styles. The connection be...
Apr 30, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 95
Everyone runs into bumps in their friendships. Trust me, I have a decade's worth of writing material from readers and listeners to prove that point. But when are friendship issues getting to the point where addressing them with a therapist is highly recommended? I'm joined by award-winning psychotherapist, Roxanne Francis, who responded brilliantly and graciously to the five areas of friendship dilemmas I hear about most often. Meet Roxanne Francis , MSW, RSW: Roxanne is a Registered Social Work...
Apr 17, 2024•25 min•Season 1Ep. 94
A quick conversation about the subtle hurts that can make friendship difficult. It's the small slights I cover on Dear Nina in general, not the giant betrayals. Why? The big "stuff" is much more black and white, and we don't need much conversation around whether to stay friends. Today I also have a big instagram tip if you're looking to change your Instagram handle. I changed mine to @dearninafriendship. Instagram doesn't make it all that simple if you have tons of links in the world leading to ...
Apr 11, 2024•9 min•Season 1Ep. 93
For anyone who has been hurt by a friend--or a group of friends--recently or in the past, this 14-minute episode is for you. It's a solo episode that came from my reaction to a TikTok video I saw by a woman who was left out of a group trip years ago and has decided she will never trust anyone with her friendship again. Other titles I considered: (and all relate to this 14-minute episode!) Not All Women Are Vicious Don’t Let Being Left Out Dictate Your Future Friendships Don't Overly Focus on the...
Apr 03, 2024•15 min•Season 1Ep. 92
Dr. Lisa Damour 's latest book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers , is out in paperback. On this episode we revisit the best nuggets of my previous conversation with Dr. Lisa, focusing on teen and tween friend groups and all of the anxiety that goes along with parenting a teen who is dealing with not being in a group. We cover teens not liking their place in a group, wishing they had a group, wishing they had a smaller group, and so on. We also discuss the reality that every kid will be left out ...
Mar 25, 2024•27 min•Season 1Ep. 91
Many of us say we would be there for our friends in an emergency, but that's often theory until it's tested. Not everyone can rise to the occasion. And crisis is a time when the friends you want around you and the ones you may need to leave behind (even for just a while) becomes very clear. Kelly Lang, co-author with her husband, Mike, of The Miracle Child: Traumatic Brain Injury and Me is a brain injury survivor and caregiver to her daughter who sustained a traumatic brain injury in 2001, in he...
Mar 18, 2024•29 min•Season 1Ep. 90
Episode #89: Do you ever feel like you or someone you know is just not “good at” friendship? It's never too late to address negative patterns in our friendships or any relationship. Today's guest, author Christie Tate, author of B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found , set out to break decades of unhealthy cycles in her friendships. Do you think you "suck at friendship" as Christie thought before she started this process? There is hope! Christie is here to prove it. We covered: Abolishing...
Mar 10, 2024•36 min•Season 1Ep. 89
Episode #88: Managing differences of opinion with friends can get tricky. An obvious area is politics, but smaller differences also get between friends, like parenting decisions. Examples: parents who give their kids a phone and social media years before the other friend; public vs. private school; where you live; how you vacation---those are not as divisive as politics, but it's an ongoing difference in your choices. Do we allow our differences to become a strength in a friendship or a weakness...
Feb 29, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 88
Today's guest, Rhaina Cohen , author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center , profiles platonic partners in her book who are at different ages and stages of life. Shows like The Golden Girls and Grace & Frankie are beloved by so many, but also treated as a fantasy. What if platonic life partnerships didn't have to be merely a dream? What if you didn't have to wait until retirement age to consider centering your life around friendship? While there have...
Feb 19, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 87
Making friends and deepening existing friendships starts with some basic truths. "Every friendship starts with an act of bravery. And every friendship goes to the next level because of someone's act of bravery. " "Do not wait for the other person to make the first move. It's always your turn." These are just two of many wise and thoughtful quotes about making friends and deepening friendships from today's guests, Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston . Amy, Jess, and I---three friendship enthusiasts--...
Feb 08, 2024•32 min•Season 1Ep. 86
"The more the merrier" is a common expression for good reason. Most of us don't want to be considered exclusive. We want others to feel welcomed and comfortable around us. But there are times when the more the merrier is not the case-- when the group dynamics for a particular event won't work if everyone comes along. In episode 85, I have a tough conversation with Danielle Bayard Jackson , an incredibly clear-thinking friendship coach and national speaker on the topic of female friendships. Dani...
Jan 30, 2024•38 min•Season 1Ep. 85
Yes, you can turn an acquaintance into a friend! Debra Arbit and I tell our real-life friendship story, which is a great example of going from barely acquaintances to close friends in our 40s. Well, when we met Debra was still in her 30s, but I was in my 40s. We share the emails and texts that move us from office-mates to friends. Debra and I don't agree on everything, but we do agree that inviting people into your home is one way to significantly move a friendship forward. We share lots of tips...
Jan 22, 2024•33 min•Season 1Ep. 84
Have you ever befriended your ex's ex? Today's episode focuses on the potential friendship that comes from a shared hurt and a shared healing. I was intrigued when Lara Starr emailed me about her "sister exes." Lara has written extensively in her Substack, It's Kind of a Long Story , about the friendships that came from bonding with the women who were emotionally hurt by the same man. This kind of friendship could also apply to fellow ex-friends of a particular friend. There may be some drawback...
Jan 15, 2024•24 min•Season 1Ep. 83
The friendships formed during difficult, even dark, periods of our lives create a lasting impact unlike any other bond. These friendships "in the trenches" can come in many forms---a health crisis, a traumatic experience, or even experiencing an especially intense work environment with a harsh boss and terrible hours. This week's guest, Jenny Leon, talks about some of the "in the trenches" friendships found in pop culture, but we mainly focus on the special and irreplaceable friendship Jenny mad...
Jan 03, 2024•31 min•Season 1Ep. 82
Have you ever held back sharing good news because you sensed a friend wasn't truly celebrating with you? Do you have friends who show up in bad times, but are slow to show support in good times? This episode is for you! I share some thoughts on identifying the friends who want to hear your good news, how to develop more friendships like that, and how to be that kind of friend to others. Then, my guest, Chaz Sandifer, and I discussed the reality of outgrowing friendships, knowing which friends yo...
Dec 22, 2023•33 min•Season 1Ep. 81
"Neediness" has come up in plenty of episodes, but this is the first one dedicated to that loaded word . The episode was inspired by a letter from a listener--author, Sally Vardaman, who found herself reacting to my mom's story in episode #72 about her decision to end a friendship over what she called, "neediness." Sally's letter was so reflective and insightful that I asked her to come on the show. We covered: feeling drained by a friend's needs. worrying you're overtaxing friends with your nee...
Dec 11, 2023•29 min•Season 1Ep. 80
Bri McKoy is a cookbook author and military wife who has moved seven times in 12 years. She went from burning everything in the kitchen to learning to cook as a way to create community. Have you ever wondered how to make good friends in a new city? Bri has repeatedly accomplished this task with some towns proving harder than others. Bri's husband, Jeremy, has been deployed four times since they were married. Cooking helped Bri make friends while he was gone. She is now the author of a beautiful ...
Nov 27, 2023•29 min•Season 1Ep. 79
You feel good potential friendship chemistry with someone, but then what to do next? This is an episode about pursuing a new friend. (We also get into some texting etiquette.) How do you pursue the friendship in a way that lets the other person know you're interested, but doesn't scare them off? And if you're someone who already has a full social life, how do you make time for a new friend? And why should you make time for a new friend? We also discussed some texting etiquette such as when to em...
Nov 13, 2023•31 min•Season 1Ep. 78
If there's one thing we need these days, it's some joy and laughter. It's dark times. And while today's story of a heartbreak from a friendship breakup isn't exactly what we think of as funny on its own, I am thrilled to tell you that there is a fantastic comedian out there who has made humor and art out of a painful friendship breakup he had in college. Gabe Mollica's one-man show is called Solo: A Show About Friendship . How could I not feature it on Dear Nina ? If you're a fan of This America...
Oct 31, 2023•21 min•Season 1Ep. 77
This episode of Dear Nina focuses on reaching out amidst turmoil (this time in particular, in the Middle East), navigating conversations when you’re not sure what to say, and the profound impact of letting someone know you’re thinking of them. Questions discussed include: Can a simple message of love and support make a difference to a friend during a crisis? Is it fair to expect friends to post on social media? At what point do you let friends know you're disappointment they didn't reach out? Ho...
Oct 18, 2023•18 min•Season 1Ep. 76
If you're struggling with managing your friendships or looking for innovative ways to make new friends, this episode is your roadmap to a richer, more fulfilling social life. What you might be missing if you're not spending time with friends is a container for those friendships. My guests have tons of ideas for you! Jeff Waldman and Dan Moore joined me for an inspiring thirty minutes where we discussed creating closer friendships by scheduling time with friends. Yes, something as mundane as sche...
Oct 04, 2023•31 min•Season 1Ep. 75
Have you ever stopped to acknowledge the profound impact of your childhood friendships, even the most casual and fleeting ones, on your adult identity? This episode is dedicated to the friends who touched our lives, even if they are no longer an active part of it. Walk down memory lane with Kristin Nilsen , a middle-grade fiction writer and co-host of The Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast, as we scrutinize our early social interactions and their lasting influence. We acknowledge the impor...
Sep 27, 2023•31 min•Season 1Ep. 74
I have the great Ruchi Koval today! Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you simply can't connect with someone trying to become better friends with you? Or, have you ever needed to "downgrade" a friendship? Letting down another person is never easy! Join me as I sit down with Ruchi Koval, a renowned author, motivational speaker, and relationship coach, to discuss how to navigate these types of conversations with kindness and grace. Ruchi also shares some hard truths that might requi...
Sep 20, 2023•30 min•Season 1Ep. 73
Sometimes we hurt a friend unintentionally, but an apology is still in order. Is there a friend out there who might be waiting for you to say, "I'm sorry?" Are you ready to forgive the friend who comes to you with an apology? This is the episode where we encourage you to think about forgiveness---asking for it and granting it. Who is we? I finally have MY MOM back on the show! We encouraged each other to think about the friends we might have hurt without realizing we have done so. We also talked...
Sep 13, 2023•21 min•Season 1Ep. 72
Diamonde Williamson, found a way to make art from a painful friendship breakup and help others process their breakups, too. Just like romantic breakups, friendship breakups can lead to feelings of grief, loss, and loneliness. Yet, these feelings are often dismissed or minimized, making it hard to heal and move forward. Learn more about Diamonde's documentary, Best Friends Not Forever. Topics We Covered: Friendships that end because someone decided they need to end vs. a friendship that fades Fri...
Sep 06, 2023•26 min•Season 1Ep. 71
Ever feel like your social life is a waiting game, stuck in the perpetual hope for an invitation to hang out? It’s time to flip the script! This episode is about empowering you to take control of your social time and friendships. Don't wait around hoping to be invited--reach out, take the lead, and discover the joy that comes with being the planner. It's a super power! This is the perfect episode for a new school year , or a new season of friendship for ALL AGES from kids to every stage of adult...
Aug 24, 2023•21 min•Season 1Ep. 70
You know those articles and memes that are everywhere reprimanding us about what NOT to say to a friend who is going through a hard time of any kind? Jennifer is here today to say THE OPPOSITE of that. She's urging us to stop being afraid of saying the wrong things to friends with chronic illness, or friends dealing with anything else. Your friends will never say the perfect thing! WE will sometimes say the "wrong thing" to our friends . And I agree with Jennifer that we need to leave so much mo...
Aug 17, 2023•33 min•Season 1Ep. 69
Today we're discussing a harder topic than usual--what to do when your friend is in a very unhealthy or even an abusive relationship. It can be extremely difficult as a friend, as opposed to a family member, to know when you can step in to help, or how you can help. I'm grateful to Rachel Katz for sharing her story. She's been on both sides of this equation. Rachel can speak to the frustration of watching a friend stay in a dangerous relationship, and she's been in a toxic relationship herself s...
Aug 10, 2023•22 min•Season 1Ep. 68
I'm encouraging listeners to reach out to some long distance friends and plan a trip! Why? I finally put my money where my mouth is and spent time with out of town friends, and in this solo episode, I'm telling you all about it. Visiting long distance friends requires time and usually a financial commitment, but the rewards are priceless. The planning of these trips and then the actual trip itself, even very short ones, creates shared memories, deepens bonds, and reminds of us the joy of being i...
Aug 03, 2023•17 min•Season 1Ep. 67
Today we’re talking about a topic that people have written to me about consistently over the years--friendships between introverts and extroverts. Here to help me is author Heidi Shertok , who told me that being an introvert in an extrovert’s world has presented some problems for her in her friendships. PLUS, I was so excited to talk to Heidi about her trailblazing novel in the romance genre--a romance starring an Orthodox Jewish woman. You've heard of Amish romance? Now there's an Orthodox roma...
Jul 27, 2023•25 min•Season 1Ep. 66
