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Welcome back to another episode of Cryptid Cocktail Party, a show where we have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown. I am your host Dave and today I am joined by a man whose love for cryptids is only outweighed by his love of Ruben sandwiches and that would be Luke Ferry. He loves himself a Ruben. How you doing buddy? It's been a minute. I don't know if I love Rubens more than cryptids though. You don't think so?
No. No. To me, some weird genie, even if you sounded like Robin Williams, you'd be like, listen, you have all the Rubens you want, but there's no more magic. That's a, Rubens are good, but clubs exist. That's fair enough. Yeah man, you've been missing for a minute now. How was your pinball tournament thing? That was good. I made it to the finals. So it was the top four. Got my ass absolutely handed to me, but one of the guys I was playing with was, there's a problem with one of the machines.
So instead of just telling the manager, he just casually texted the guy who made and designed the machine. Like just like the whole ass game? Yup. Okay. So like he's been around the pinball block a few more times than I have. Oh, so he's like a, he's a seasoned vet kind of deal. Yeah. Gotcha. All right. How many people played in it? I think there was 20. God damn. So top four got money. So I got 125 bucks that day. That's not, that's not bad for a couple hours of just playing pinball.
I took off work for it. Probably would have made more, but. Oh, but that just goes to show how confident you are in your pinball skills. Cause like even in the, in the something that I'm the most confident in, I don't think I'd take a day off work on the off chance that I might win money. But you knew, you knew like, I'm going to come out of here with some sort of bankroll. It's your boy, dude. That's fair enough. What was, what was grand prize? 400. Really? Oh dude.
And that's just like a local charity tournament. Like it gets up a lot higher than that. Oh, it was for charity? Yeah. Oh, I see. I didn't know that was one of the biggest reasons I took off. Like, okay. Yeah. Like I'll, I maybe I'll lose a little money, but like if anything, like it's, uh, Boston's children's cancer center gets some cash. Yeah. No, that's, uh, I would definitely, and then I took $125 away from those kids. Fuck them kids. But now, but now, but I didn't know it was for charity.
So now maybe I would take the day off work, even if I wasn't as confident in my skills as before. Dave Priscott hates to cancerous children. It is now canonized. I mean, what have they ever done for me? Not a damn fucking thing. That's what I'm saying. All right, Luke. Uh, well you've missed out on not, not too much. You missed out on the Manananggal, which is a fucking awesome story. Um, but to make up for it. I missed out like you didn't fuck up the scheduling. Oh, that's not me.
Well, yeah, dude. All right. So here's the thing. So I'm going to go to Vegas on when Thursday, uh, to promote the show, to promote the, no, I'm going to go to, I'm going to when we were young festival. Oh, so to waste time. Well, it's, it doesn't make dollars. It doesn't make sense, Dave. You gotta remember that. That's fair enough. No, uh, as well as my anniversary, my wedding anniversary on the 21st and then my birthday is the 28th. So the wife and I are taking a little vacation.
So I've been working overtime, so I've been working Saturdays. I, yeah, I fucked up the schedule. It's on me. But anyways, I'm going to make it up to you, Luke. Okay. Uh, I'm, I'm not, I texted you this before the show. I'm not confident that all of my information in this is in the story is correct, but it's unlike every other cryptid story that we've done. I feel confident in a lot of those stories. This one is the only one.
And I'm like, Oh, people like, I could potentially get messages on this one. You know what I mean? Even better. It's going to be great. You know, it's, you know, no bad publicity. I can't say that word. Do some shrub. Publicity. Uh, no, I'm making toast. Oh wait, no, I'm not. All right. So I wanted to continue on with our, uh, the overseas journey we've been on.
I figured today we would travel just like a short distance Northeast of where our last episode took place, which if you remember was the Philippines, uh, to talk about what I believe is one of your favorite types of folkloric creatures. And that would be the Yokai of Japan. Yeah, doggy. Now you, you know a lot about the Yokai, right? Or at least I love Yokai stories. Yeah, I know you do. Uh, now as I'm sure you know, maybe the listeners might not.
There are like literally hundreds of Yokai in Japanese folklore. And just like the Mananagal and the Oswong of the Philippine Filipino folklore, these also get broken down into different categories and subcategories. Vampires, ghosts, ghouls, that kind of stuff. Uh, well, I'm not entirely sure if there's a Yokai subcategory of self segmenting viscera suckers. Uh, the subcategory that our topic falls under is, uh, the Yuri.
Now the name Yuri consists of two kanji, uh, yu meaning dim or faint and ri meaning spirit or soul to form what basically translates to faint spirit or to us Westerners, ghost. Now can you have any idea what we're going to be talking about today? That does not narrow it down at all. No, not. Oh, now Luke, this would be a really boring episode and you'd probably be very disappointed if I just told you some run of the mill boilerplate ghost story. Right?
No, you know, you wouldn't be, I feel like you'd be. Yeah, go for it. I'll send it. All right. Well, no, well today's subject is something much more terrifying than just some Casper ass ghost. Today we will be- Always the starving ghosts. No, close. We'll be talking about the original spooky, scary skeleton, the starving skeleton, also known as the gashadakuru. Are you familiar? Uh, vaguely. Okay. Definitely haven't done any deep dives on it, but you know, I read the top paragraph. Gotcha.
So for those who aren't familiar, much like I was when writing the script, the gashadakuru is a malevolent spirit that presents itself as a massive, roughly 90 foot tall skeleton that is said to wander Japan during the darkest hours of the night. It's fucking Home Depot. Dude, this is every girl's dream. Just a 90 foot- That's my Tinder bio. Your Tinder bio is just 90 foot tall skeleton? Yeah, look at me. That's fair enough. You are mostly bone. My body can't process anything.
I used to have this really tall friend, tall skinny friend in high school and he went to the gym all the time. And I was like, how come you go to the gym and you lift weights constantly, but you don't ever get any bulkier? And he just goes, dude, I have miles of bone that these muscles have to stretch across. I was like, that's the perfect- all right, yeah, fair enough. So again, the Gashadakuru is a massive 90 foot tall skeleton.
It sockets eyeless, just two massive black holes that scour the landscape looking for its next victim. Its back is bent and twisted, its joints rattling and chattering. It's in its 30s. Yeah, it's like 31, 32 years old. But yet somehow it can stay undetected, that is until it's too late, only knowing that it's near by the sound of grinding teeth or burning in your ears. You'll feel like a weird sensation in your ears.
You know, the old wives tell us like, oh, ears are ringing, someone's talking about you. It's like that, but with a nightmare demon monster. Kind of the same, right? It used to be my hungover ass at like 1030, like just like grabbing my nose and blowing, like trying to make them pop. 90 foot tall skeleton walking behind me. Do you remember the episode of Rugrats where they thought Reptile got out and they had to find him? Like the no, the one where they're like in the toy store?
No, no, they're at Tommy's house. And they have to like bust out because like Reptile is outside and he's like in trouble. And they walk outside and they're like, let's look for him. And Chuckie's like, he's a hundred foot tall lizard. If you can't see him, he's not here. Dude, so fucking real for that. So yeah, I don't know how like it's a fit. Like it is technically a physical being. So I don't know how it can stay undetected until you hear its teeth grinding. It's 90 feet tall, bro.
Yeah, dude, I am six foot tall and skinny. I don't get a plus 20 to stealth checks. No, no, if anything, that's a natural disadvantage, at least walking through caves and or doors. Something's going to start cracking. I have cartilage. Now, speaking of cartilage, this thing doesn't have any. It doesn't have any tendons or muscle structure, so it doesn't move too well.
All the depictions of it say it kind of twists and wriggles on the ground until it can kind of get it shit together and move somewhat normally, much like a hungover person in their thirties. Yeah, like my left leg every time I try to get out of bed. Exactly. Or when you sit on the toilet for too long and you're on your phone and your elbows make your knees go numb. Mm hmm. Kind of like that.
Some even say this is one in all the descriptions, but in some of the descriptions to say that it like is burning like a faint green or blue, like it's covered in green or blue, which doesn't make it worse, but it sure as hell does not make it any fucking better. It's already pretty bad. The fire doesn't add or subtract from the nightmarish thing that this is bullshit. I think it adds. You think it's scarier? I don't think the fire. Well, it doesn't matter if it's on fire.
Because that's not how it kills you. What I'm saying at this point, it could just pick you up and it's just like me picking up my kitty. Yeah. But if my hands were a fire and I picked up my kitty. I don't think it's like I think it's like an ethereal fire. Like I don't think it's like a burn. I don't know that until I get there. And by the time you're touching it, it's probably way too late. Two giant hands are coming at you. One's on fire. One's not what you're going for.
Is there like a rock I can just fall forward onto? I mean, yeah, but he's gonna like pick it up. That's fair. All right. So it's funny you should mention giant burning hands coming down at you. It's said that when the gashatakuru does happen across a human, it's not good. And this excerpt from an article on yabai.com puts it way better than I ever could. So I'm just going to quote it straight up. It says, quote, there will be no mercy.
These are vicious and vengeful spirits that are out to let that are out to let their negative energies and savagery flow relentlessly. They don't have any specific diet, but they love the taste of human blood. The gashatakuru creeps up behind its victim as silently as possible, grabs them with its bony hands, bites its head off and then downs the blood pouring from the major arteries of the neck. End quote. So basically it attack from Titan. Yeah, that.
But I was going to say, remember squeeze it's the you're basically a human squeeze it at that point. Just fucking just one gulp, all of your fucking blood right down to go. But it's a skeleton. So I'm assuming that when it does it, it's kind of like, it is kind of like the ghosts from Casper when they eat food and just kind of plops out the bottom. Yeah. Oh, but I'm sure you're wondering where does the spirit come from and why is he so mad?
No. Yeah. I guess it doesn't really need any explanation, but I'm going to tell you if you want to know. Well, I'm already here. It said that the I feel like I'm not pronouncing this right, but I'm going to keep saying it the way I have. I'm pronouncing it right. Just keep going. The gashatakuru that's has to be it. If anyone listening can tell me a better way. But I asked my wife who did take Japanese in college that it is going to say, why are we like consulting here?
Yeah. She said it's gashatakuru, but she is also just a white chick from New Hampshire. So she's our best resource, guys. I'm sorry. Like, no, it's great. But it she's the cream of the crop from what we have to access. I mean, she is better than both of both of us. And as in like a personal and just like well-being state of like, but it is what it is.
So the gashatakuru forms out of piles of bones of those who have died from famine or lost their lives on the battlefield, but never received a proper burial. The restless spirit full of hate and rage then takes off into the countryside, usually places where there were like scenes of old battles, mass graves, old cemeteries seeking revenge and justice for the souls of those who passed but were dishonored after death.
Now there are a lot of different origin stories of how the gashatakuru came to be and known as 100 percent like really certain, but it's believed to have originated in the 10th century in what some would call like a semi-historical account. Semi-historical. I liked it. It's literally like the year 900 something. I'm sure this was written down, but most of this is probably word of mouth. Right. You know what I mean?
Yeah. So this gets a little convoluted and I'm going to butcher a bunch of Japanese names and Japanese like provinces, but the story of how this thing came to be is fucking baller, dude. Are you ready for this? Oh, buddy. You know it. So the story goes that a very well known and respected samurai slash nobleman in the Kanto region of Japan named Masakado was ambushed by three of his cousins over a marriage dispute.
Now Masakado being the kind of person who doesn't take any shit because he's a samurai decided to go burn their home down, killing his uncle Kunika in the process. Now news of the straight G. Yeah, dude. He just he woke up and just fucking chose violent. Like as soon as he got jumped, he was like, fuck this and turned into like the Punisher. It's the story's fucking wild. I love that for him. So he decided to go burn their homes down and he ended up killing his uncle Kunika in the process.
Now news of the death of dear old uncle Kunika reached another one of Masakado's cousins, a man named Yoshi Masa who wanted to avenge the death of his uncle and challenge Masakado to a duel, which he immediately lost. Not even like no challenge whatsoever. He didn't. A samurai has a problem with you. Just deal with it. Yeah. Like, yup. He fucked my wife. That's it. That's it. He's now your wife. I'm sorry. Yeah. No, he didn't.
You're not going to unfuck her by getting your head cut and wiped off. No, he didn't die, but he was for sure embarrassed and not being able to handle the embarrassment. Yoshi Masa tattled on Masakado to another one of his relatives and also someone who just happened to be the assistant governor of the Kusasa province. His name was Yoshi Kani.
So Yoshi Kani gathered up thousands of soldiers because he had that kind of resources at his disposal and marched to go battle Masakado, which to me kind of seems like a gross over reaction to. Yeah, like maybe like six guys are like kind of good probably. Yeah, but either way, Masakado was able to scrounge up a small army of just a hundred soldiers and handed Yoshi Kani his ass because if we've learned anything so far, Masakado is a fucking baller, dude. This is not give a fuck.
Now, here's the part in the story where I'm going to kind of yada, yada, yada a bit here and just give you some bullet points because this gets a little this this reading this was so convoluted and I couldn't really keep up with it because of who I am as a person. But basically, Masakado was brought to Kyoto to pay for his crimes. What crimes? I'm assuming just the murder of his uncle, not the not, you know, but he got off on a pardon.
Now, Yoshi Kani battled him again, but this time Masakado was injured during the battle. So he fled with his wife, who, spoiler alert, was Yoshi Kani's daughter. So I'm pretty sure that must be why this guy had it fucking out for him to begin with. Right. I would assume. I bet you didn't love it. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. He wasn't stoked on the idea. But I mean, he is a nobleman. So I mean, marrying your daughter off to a nobleman back then, like it was probably a big deal. Standard issue.
But then you don't expect that guy to like kill your uncle. That's fair. Then in the year nine hundred thirty nine, Masakado starts a full on rebellion known as the Tangyo disturbance, which is 100 percent real. I looked into this. This dude literally did this. This ends with a 90 foot stealth skeleton. Again, semi-historical accounting. Now, this started this popped off when he attacked one of the central government's outposts.
And then within the year, he controlled several provinces and gave himself the title of new emperor because why the fuck not? So this dude, you're in the position to just say it, then say it. Yeah. So it's like. So this dude is just fucking shit up left and right all because he got attacked by his cousins and then decided fuck all of you. I'm just going to take over the whole thing. So this is where the shit gets real.
So the government in Kyoto acknowledged his attacks as a genuine revolt and put a bounty out on his head. And in nine forty, he was killed and beheaded by another one of his cousins, Satomori, and some dude named Hidesato. I don't give a shit about him. And they killed him, decapitated him, brought his head to Kyoto for a reward where it was then prominently displayed on the steps for the world to see.
Now, this made Masakado's daughter, who just happened to be a very famous and very powerful sorceress, pretty upset. She was pretty upset that they would kill her father and then disrespect him in such a way. So she used her ancient magic to summon the first Gashat. That's where it deviates. OK, just wondering.
To summon the first Gashat Kuru from the bones of those soldiers who fought alongside Masakado in battle and then unleashed it onto Tokyo, where it ravaged the city, killing and destroying pretty much everything in its wake, stopping only when the head of Masakado was removed from Kyoto and moved to what is now modern day Tokyo, where a grave still stands. And there's still like a monument to him to this day near the Tokyo Imperial Palace. But yeah, Luke, there you have it.
So so it's kind of like when, you know, Booth got into the theater and killed Lincoln and then it made furries become a real thing. I mean, I mean, I bet you I bet you there is a direct connection between those. There's no way there isn't. But I mean, no, yeah, I can't. I have nothing to refute what you just said.
It's 100 percent like when Booth killed Lincoln and now there are furries is how this man was beheaded and then his daughter summoned a 90 foot tall Home Depot skeleton to ravage Kyoto. Home Depot could not pull this off. This is Lowe's all day long. I love that Lowe's is like the target to Home Depot's Wal-Mart. 100 percent, dude. Oh, shit. But yeah, Luke, there you have it. That is the maybe possibly the best of my ability story of the Gashatakuru. How was it? What do you think?
I don't know why you said it was like going to be hard to understand like giant skeleton eats people like, you know, gogurt. But yeah, I get it. Gogurt is such a better and I said squeeze it. But you know what? Yeah, I think we're on the same thing. But yeah, so we're out here. That's it. That's the story. That's all I got, man. That's that's it. You know, I was thinking, you know, this was going to be a slightly quicker one. Where are we at with time? We're at 22 minutes.
We're almost at the end here, bud. I'm going to tell you a quick you guys story. One of my favorites. You got a quick you guys story. Oh, shit. We doubling up right now. Oh, we're doubling up. Oh, that's a short one. All right. No, yeah, go for it. Baby. So, David. Yes, Mr. Prescott. That's me. Do you poop? Like are we talking about like healthy, regular, consistent or do you like just. Yeah, yeah, me too. It's infrequent and it's a nightmare. I have quite frequent, but.
Yeah, but you have a bunch of fucking stomach problems. That makes sense. You're like Jamie Hurley, but like functional. Well, no shade to Jamie Hurley, but he does have pooping. You could be a good boy. We both got poopy problems. By a bad day, my man changes everything. But to answer your question. Yeah, you know, everybody poops. There's a whole book about it. I've read that book. Yeah, yeah. I believe the second one was everyone poops the reckoning. Not the rectuming. Well, David.
Get on with your story before I keep going. This Japanese yokai can be traced back to urban legends and records as early as 1930. 1930? He and Don's. Dude, they've been making them. Well, I was going to say, hold on, they're still making yokai? They don't stop, dude. I love that. Oh, yeah. I feel like we stopped inventing cryptids in America in like the 70s. Yeah, because we have real horrors. Fair enough. Continue. He dons a red cape and a mask and can be found in women's bathrooms.
So when he does it, he gets a wiki page. But when I do it, oh, no. But yeah, and I'm sure you guys serve the same purpose. No. The Akamanto, the yokai approaches you in your most dire time of need when all hope is lost. When you're taking a big poop. When there's no more toilet paper to wipe with. Oh, no. I've been there and it's the worst. Akamanto generously comes in and offers you two roles. One is red and one is blue and lets you choose which color you would like.
Dave, what color you choose in Akamanto? Akamanto is right here. Hold on. Is he pulling a Morpheus? Am I going to get a left phyton? I'm living in a simulation. Make your choice. I'm going to go. I'll see. Blue to me means good. Red means bad. But this could go either way. I'm going to go. I'll go red. Oh, red. Your throat is now slit and your blood is covering you and falling into the toilet. Filling the bowl with not only your feces and maybe half of a fucking strip of toilet paper.
But. Wait, so what's blue? You are choked to death. Your head is put into the toilet. And. Wait, so I'm choked. So neither option is good. Well, you could ask for a different color. Can you really? Yeah. Then you get dragged to hell. All right. So it's either red or blue. Red. I got my throat slit. The blood flows down my body into the toilet. Or blue. I get choked to death and then I get a poop swirly. You'll already be dead for that part. But yeah, either way.
Or I can be like, yo, neither of these are my vibe. Can I get maybe like a purple or a turquoise? And then I just immediately get dragged to hell. Right away. What is the point of this? Like, is this like a cautionary tale to always check for toilet paper? Like what? Why? I don't know. I didn't take it. What does it look like? Does it look like a. He can be banished. He can be banished. With unbridled savagery. You just hike those bad boys up and bowlegged walk right past this bitch.
So you got to do the fucking like the Yosemite Sam passed them. Just walk out. Yeah. And disappear like the albeit stinky queen that you are. That's I mean, that's. That's fine. So what's it? So I wrote on my, my Instagram post about that, uh, that I finished it with, uh, now that's what I call getting caught with your pants down. Oh no. So, so, so literally what does it look like? Oh, dude in a robe with a mask. That's it. So it just looks like a human dude.
Yeah. Just wearing like a smoking jacket. It's like a cloak in the picture that I found. Okay. This button's like a pea coat with a key. Now why? Why does this thing exist? Uh, the world's a cold dead place. That's fair enough by me. I'll take it. Oh shit. All right, Luke. Well, there's one that's just a wall. Yeah, dude. So there's so many yokai. There's so there's like, you said hundreds. I think there's well over a thousand.
Well, there's hundreds, but then those gets broken down into subcategories. I don't know if the subcategories have different ones in with them. Oh yeah. 100%. But I mean, but some of them are evil. Some of them are good. Like they're not all. It's not like the Oswong or like the gin where like every single one is just like blood thirsty and ready to fucking murder you. Like there are. And then it gets even more complicated because some of them just switch at some point.
Yeah. Like the 100 like used to be like just this chill dude who just walked around playing music and dance. And then a couple hundred years later, it was reported just finding anyone who did good and smashing their fucking heads into rocks. Yeah, it's all it's it's it's all very confusing. Everyone changes with age. So I get it. Yeah, I know. You can't judge someone. And he doesn't have a butthole. I'd be mad too. But the Kappa has three buttholes, which is fun fact.
So you know, there's a lot to go. Lots of digest here. I love diversity. It's great. All right, Luke. Well, that's the end of the episode. I appreciate you. And I am glad that you're back on. Do you have anything you want to plug or say to the audience before we sign off? For my folks in the good section of the country, 603 seltzer came out with a pumpkin spice seltzer.
I bought this thinking 100 percent that was going to be the worst thing I ever tasted and literally gagged two or three times before I could actually get it to my lips. Very good. It's actually great. I just needed to know I needed to know if it sucked. I was out nine bucks. Whatever. And with all this curiosity, I completely understand when it comes to trying new beers. I completely get it. All right. Well, you heard it here for her. Yeah. 603 pumpkin spice pumpkin spice seltzer.
I'll take your word for it. Oh, all right. I'm going to say goodbye now. Luke, do you want to say goodbye? Come on, do it. Now I'm trying to get my cat to say goodbye, but she won't. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye.