Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown, I'm your host Dave, and joined as always is the wonderfully beautiful bearded, glasses face fucking Sarge, what's going on bud? What's up? How are you? I'm so excited to be back and hopefully we're not going to talk about something that is depressing today.
I'm doing good and no, this week's episode is going to be the exact opposite of last week's. Okay, good, good, I can only handle like one of those kind of Sarah McLaughlin episodes. Oh dude, yeah, it was a bummer. And everyone who listened to it apparently thought it was a bummer as well, but they said it was informative. You know what though, I will say this, it was informative and that's what was important. It can't all be sunshine and roses.
Sometimes you got to drag all of you kicking and screaming back to reality. I do kind of regret not leaving room for at least some light heart. Like, you know, like I didn't include anything in the script that could have led us to like making it a little brighter for everyone. So exactly. Yeah, that's on me. People tune in to hear me do something, say something stupid and you kind of responding to my stupidity. Yeah. And I, I, there was no jokes to be made. It's like, this is the worst.
I left no room for dick jokes. There wasn't any whole talk. Uh, yeah, but, uh, people seem to enjoy it. I think I don't fuck. Yeah. You mean you could enjoy something that's a bummer, I think. Yeah. It's tough when you think about it, when you're talking about some supernatural things that are horrifying, like a ghost is a dead person, you know? Yeah. And so it's challenging to joke about that and still be respectful, but at the same time you have to do it.
It all depends on if you believe in ghosts. So if you, if you don't believe in ghosts and you can fuck it, talk shit all you want about the dead, like it will not be dead, but or if like the ghost was a dick when they were alive, then it's okay. Yeah. Then they're pieces of shit and don't like, whatever. Fuck that guy. Glad he's dead. Sucks his ghost is terrorizing people, but you know. Exactly. If Hitler had a ghost, I would make fun of it relentlessly.
If Hitler had a ghost, it sounds like a really bad satirical graphic novel that I would read the fuck out. It'd be like that Jojo Rabbit movie or whatever, but it's just Hitler's ghost. I think we should write that. It says ectoplasm everywhere. Oh fuck dude. I would, dude, I would read the shit out of that. I think I'm going to start coming up with some drafts real quick. Maybe a storyboard. We'll figure it out. Fate. Hold on. Is this ectoplasm kosher? Why would he care? He knows he's Jewish.
He converted after he died. He found out that God was also Jewish. He repents. But anyway, Sarge, how are you doing? How was your Memorial Day? Weekend? It was good. Memorial Day's, you know, it's one of those things where you got to have the right... Honestly, Memorial Day was much like last week's podcast. It's a sad event, but you got to do it. You got to talk about it. And I know a couple of vets who are no longer with us and they would not want us to sit around and mope.
They would want us to go out and have a good time and kind of enjoy all the things that they sacrificed for in one way or another. So you know what offends me about Memorial Day though is, and I don't know if we talked about this last time, but... Probably. I get super offended by sales on Memorial Day. You did talk about that. But then we came to an agreement that every widow and widower of a casualty of war deserves a mattress. That's 50% off. But yeah, I did a ceremony in the center of town.
You know, I was with the veterans group in the center of town doing something on Memorial Day and then I just kind of took it easy after that and had a good night. How was yours? After we recorded... We went on a bottom mattress. We had fucking Dillard's was having like a pretty good two for one sale on short. That's fair. Yeah, no, I ended up going to a show at this place called Bonks Bar down the street from my house.
My buddy Grim Grim Grim, the artist, he put out a new zine with like all the art he's done over the past year. So they put on a show, went and saw some bands play, got fucking way too drunk. It was bad. Was it like pooping yourself drunk or? No, it was like I live two minutes from there driving. And even in that that distance in my state, I should not have driven home. I took so many wrong turns. Took me five. Like it was bad. You got lost on the way home.
Yeah. The lesson you learn is you should be walking. Yeah, no, I know. I regret most of my decisions that night, but it was a good time. Besides that, then I was hungover for three days because I'm old as fuck now. Can't drink like I used to. So yeah, I've been there. I've been there. I get that. I get that hangover, that perma hangover. Yeah, it's like, you know, long. Yeah, because I used to, you know, I used to never get hangovers.
Then I started getting like a hangover the next day and I'm like, all right, you know, I could deal with that. Now a hangover is like it lasts longer than all the time I've been drinking in my life. I feel like I'm just hung over every day now and I don't even drink that often anymore. And Gatorade doesn't help at all anymore. They used to be like a cure all. And now it's just like, I'm just peeing more, but also miserable and have a headache. Just running through me.
My body is not absorbing any of those electrolytes whatsoever. Yeah. Yeah, you're just returning them. All right, Sarge, we do have before we sat down. So we do have one quick thing to cover, and that is our newest segment. Yes. We got a listener email. Leave those good vibes on me. From Jeff and he says, best three part. Oh, the subject of the email is Mel's Hole, our three part series we did that lasted probably way too long, but was really fun. It says best three part podcast I've ever heard.
I laughed, I cried, I learned. And like every hole in Nevada, there's going to be heat and a little bit of moisture. I think it's normal. I love the content. Need more about holes. Lol. Jeff from Long Island, New York, go Bills. I don't agree with the last part, but yeah, unfortunately there's not that many holes stories. Although I did learn about a new one and it's called the glory hole and we might have to cover it and this don't worry about it. Is it a truck stop? No, no, but.
Or like a or like a rest stop in Connecticut. I think it's in the like the Southwest as well. But anyways, thank you Jeff for the email. Appreciate it. I'm glad you got the content. Thanks Jeff. All right, Sarge, are you ready to dive into this week's topic? I'm beyond ready. All right. What are you? What's your what's your how do you feel about nature in just in general? I fucking love it. Nature is great. Nature can't vote, so it doesn't offend me. It's safe.
I'm not afraid of anything in nature in New England. Let me preface that by saying New England. The worst we've got is rattlesnakes and they I mean, if you find a rattlesnake in New England, you're just in the wrong place. It's true. I've never encountered one and I spend every summer in the woods for at least a couple of weeks at a time. So I love it and I want more of it. OK, so we're in agreement. We all enjoy nature. All right.
So we've got spikes in the woods, swimming at the local lake, tubing down the Socko, getting absolutely black out while the sun just slowly cooks you alive. Yeah, it's got cookouts, trees, grass. It's all fun and games. That is Sargent Hill. It isn't. Yeah. You know, a part of nature that I think is not the most fun. Australia flowers. OK, you know, that's fair. Yeah, no, they feed the bees and they smell good and they're technically like a vital part of our ecosystem.
Without them, the whole world would more or less collapse. But they also, you know, allergies. I don't know if you ever get one of those cocktails at a fancy bar where they put like rosewater and fucking all that and it tastes like ass. But there's another reason that flowers kind of suck. And that is because sometimes Sarge, they are alien robots in disguise that traumatize small children and attempt to destroy school buildings in Florida. Today transformer.
Today, we're going to be talking about the robot flowers of Dade City. Are you familiar with the robot flowers? No, but I am in no way shocked that this is about Florida. I think whoever whoever experienced this was just on a lot of meth. Before we begin, I did look into Dade City, Florida, just to kind of get an idea of like where we're working with. Not much going on there. It's in the Tampa Bay area. So it's like a small city with a population about seventy five hundred.
Nothing really to write home about. It's got a lot of antique shops, heritage museums and scream again in central parks. Only large scale independent scream park with six spectacular haunted houses, attractions, including a monster midway, beer gardens, all that kind of stuff. So before we get too deep into this, I love Tampa. My company has an office down there, and so we have an annual business meeting for folks in my profession. And we go to our Tampa location because it's fairly quiet there.
And you know, the weather's nice year round. So we go down in January. And the first time I went down there, I was walking into our office building and there was like a chicken running around and the office building just outside. OK, like the front door was just like pecking the ground. And there was a security guard there and I'm like, whoa, whose chicken is this? And he looked at me like I was insane and was like, it's nobody's chicken. Just I was like, what, what?
And apparently this is a thing that I didn't know about. Tampa has roving feral chickens, like wild chickens, just fine. Yeah, they just wander around outside. And I stupidly was like, oh, did some does someone have like a emotional support chicken? Is there a farm nearby? What is this? Why isn't this chicken? And he was. Yeah. It's like if you went to somebody in Boston and you were like, whose pigeon is this? It's no one's. It lives here. Yeah. So I was blown away by that.
And then also there is a strip club right next to a Sonic. And so I had never eaten at a Sonic before and I found that there was a Sonic nearby and I was like, I'm going to go to Sonic and eat. As I was driving, there's this strip club and I want to say it's called like 2001, a sex odyssey or something. Oh my fucking God. But it's got it's got a UFO on the roof and it lights up at night. It's like a flying saucer on the roof and it lights up and it's fucking awesome. I need to go.
I don't I don't ever want to go to a strip club, but I have to know what it's about. I need to know what the inside looks like. I need to know what's the what's the buffet like because every time you do it, hold on. Like, let me see if I can look it up before we before we move on, because I need to I need to tell you the name. So if you're ever in Tampa, you can go and drive by this hilarious place. It's 2001 Odyssey Adult Entertainment Club, Tampa, Florida. So 2001 Odyssey. Right.
OK. I feel like 2001 Honda Odyssey, but instead it's a strip club. Let me see if I can. Not 2001, a space Odyssey. Why did you go on? It's just I don't know. All right. Hold on. I don't know if you can see it. Oh my God, that is amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was blown away. And then like right here is a Sonic. All right. For those listening who can't see the picture, I will post the picture on Instagram for you all to find. You can find it on Google and it's wonderful. You should go.
I didn't go inside because I just had a feeling it was going to be. Oh, it's going to be awful. A shameful experience for me and just like contributing to like the horror that the women who strip there have to live through. Plus also most strip clubs. It's always a bummer once you leave when you're there. Yeah, kind of fine. But right. Right. And then you walk out and you're like, I can't believe I just did that. It's like post nut clarity without the nut. Let's get back to these robot flowers.
All right. So in so, oh man, in 1924, a young girl named Evelyn went was playing by herself on the front lawn of St. Joseph's School like a fucking nerd when something bright caught her eye. Nearby she noticed a glowing egg shaped object on the ground and it was so bright she had to shield her eyes and even claim that the brightness may have caused her to pass out briefly. Now, you're probably asking, how does she not know if she passed out or not?
Well, this happened in 1924, but she didn't tell anyone about this until 1974 when she called up a West Palm Beach newspaper called The Weekday asking to speak to a journalist and gave her story to him. So some of the details that she gives, she's kind of hazy on a few of them. But either way, that will do that to you. She was a kid in 1924. I don't think she was doing math.
Yeah, but she was a kid in 1924 in Florida at a time when it was like maybe what, 15 years from them pulling cocaine out of Coca-Cola. So I mean, I mean, I guess I don't know either way. The next thing Evelyn remembers is that the glowing egg, the glowing from the egg dimmed and revealed what she described as a pockmarked saucer like craft.
She stared at it for a bit, probably to kind of figure out like what the fuck was going on when suddenly a hatch opened on the side and the occupants of said craft started coming out. She went on to say, quote, Little people emerged. I think they were robots. I tried to count them, but they changed. So they were smaller than I was and resembled animated flowers with faces where the bud would be. Quote, you're right. No, we're not going to go with meth on this, right?
Like we're going to we're going to play this straight and just say that she was fine. Play this straight. Maybe she had some of that old coke line. She went on to say that the robot flowers were carrying what she assumed was some type of weapon. Of course, that they were attempting to aim at the school science building. Why? I don't know, but we'll get to it. But anyway, so so I'm sorry, the robots were we're going to you know, it's not it's not something I can joke about.
But I think we know where I'm driving at, where they were in trench coats. OK, so listen, let's let's just do a brief recap real quick. This is the most American alien robot story I've ever heard. Let's just say they all drew guns and pointed them at a school. Brief recap. Small child playing in front of the school by herself like a fucking loser. She has a bright, shiny egg is like, holy shit, let me go check out this egg. A countless number.
She couldn't even count the amount of tiny robot flowers that look like the dancing sunflowers in the back of like an old Mickey Mouse cartoon. All of them are attempting to carry one singular giant weapon. Oh, it was just one. There's an artillery piece. That's where we're at right now. This makes it so much better, actually. And they're aiming it at the school science building. And it's called St. Joseph's. I'm assuming it's a Christian school.
So it was a hate crime is what they were planning. Well, what I was the but also like it is Christian scientists, isn't that just like creationism shit like I don't think. But what's science? No, I think it was what was the name of the building again? St. Joseph's. It was the school science building. So Christian scientists, if I remember correctly, don't have saints. So my guess is it's the science building of St. Joseph's. OK, I don't know anything about science, Christian scientists.
It all sounds like gobbledygook. I know they're Protestant. It's the only thing I know, and with the exception of the good ones, Protestants. No, it's just what I know of of Protestants is with the exception of Episcopalians, which are like they like the church that Henry VIII founded, they still have saints. But most other Protestant faiths don't have saints. OK, that's why, you know, St. Joseph's kind of threw me off. My guess is it's like a Catholic school, but they have a science building.
Sarge, all that is fascinating. I don't give a fuck. Well, I'm kind of interested in the kind of science that a Christian school is doing. Well, we're going to find out. Hold on. We're going to turn this water into wine using science. Yeah, it's basically just like Christian alchemy. It's food coloring. But yeah, so so all these all these roll of flowers came out of the ship carrying what she had assumed was some type of weapon.
Now Evelyn, being the empath that you know, she just claims to be wanted to help. So she told the paper, quote, They were so small, I was going to assist the creatures even let me try, but I couldn't even budge the machine because it was so heavy. Now, Evelyn then claimed that the robot flowers started talking to her telepathically because of course, they can.
They explained to her that the science building was with mushrooms on this lawn that she was eating just fistfuls of it sounds like psychedelics. So they explained to her, like if I say if I said to you, hey, Dave, I yesterday had a bunch of flowers exiting a small saucer and they were carrying an artillery piece and then the flowers started talking to my brain. Yeah. But not my mouth. They like there was no mouth movement. They were just speaking telepathically.
You would be like, Saj, did you have some psilocybin mushrooms yesterday? Well, or some LSD maybe? I would assume it was just latent effects from the cow patties from like a few weeks ago that you were like, but if you truly believed it, I wouldn't, I wouldn't knock you. I'd be like, yeah, cool. I didn't actually stop a cow. It was just like one large child that I was so high. I didn't know everyone's freaking out at you, but you think it's just because the cow got loose.
Like, I know I got them. They're like, no, put Kevin down. But anyway, so telepathically, they explained to her that the science buildings, they it was being used to conduct experiments that they found, quote, disturbing and that if quote the work continued, they would destroy the whole place.
And then after this veiled terroristic threat, essentially, they for whatever reason decided that now is probably not the best time to blow up a building and just started making their way back to the ship with their weapon like Intel. Then one of the robot flowers stopped, turned and offered Evelyn the chance to go with them. She said she was intrigued by the idea of going on a spaceship, hanging out with a robot flower terrorist cell, seeing space. But she eventually declined.
And the Robins were like, all right, no worries. We'll come back for you. Promise. And according to her, they, quote, promised to come back for me in 35 years. But that was up a long time ago and nothing happened that I know of. She then watched as the robot flowers that in my head, like I said earlier, they kind of look like you ever play conquer's bad for a day for the N64. No, no. I wish I did. I think they kind of look like the sunflowers from that.
Or like I said earlier, the sunflowers are like dancing in the background of any like right old timey cartoon. Right. But anyway, so she watched them board the ship and they took off of this. She said, quote, All I can remember now is that the saucer was laden looking and very pockmarked. Then when it started up, its molecules expanded and it turns silvery bright. I don't know how she do that. The UFO then went straight up, hovered for a minute and then disappeared from sight. End quote.
Now, now, not long after this interview with the weekday, some UFO researchers tried to hypnotize Miss Went to try and get more information about these mysterious robots. I mean, maybe she was abducted and didn't know it, and that could possibly explain why she thinks she may have passed out. But it didn't matter because the hypnotists weren't able to get her into a trance like state because her fucking brain was too strong, man. She's fucking ironclad up there.
But oh, oh, yeah, I'm sure that was why. But that's all tracks. But as a little button to the story, according to Evelyn Went, sometime after her encounter with these little horticultural horrors, the science building that they claimed was housing unspeakable experiments was left in what she described as shambles. So did the robots actually make good on the terrorism threats and destroy the building? Or is it just a building that hasn't been used in 50 years? So they decided to demolish it.
Who knows? But also, what did the robots think was going on in the science building? Like was it like, was it like a government? Like, like, like underneath it was like a secret government thing. Were they hiding alien? I want to know what they thought was going on. And we may never know. It's coming up with like an advanced weed killer. You know, it's actually the horticultural science building. And that's why our biological living there in pain. We must free them from their horrors.
This terror cell of radical petunias just wanted to go to war like the eye. I want I want that as as my baseball jersey, the radical petunias, the radical petunias. Yeah. I don't know the fighting daisies. The fighting daisies is pretty fucking good. Because the dichotomy of that of those two words is just so good. Or the fighting pansies. Oh, God. Oh, God. That'd be amazing. The pugilistic pansies.
The combination is just a bunch of guys wearing just a bunch of guys wearing bow ties with pocket protectors. Well, they got these big like these big boxing gloves. So good. Bring it on. Oh, shit. But anyway, Sarge, there you have it. That is the story of the Dade City robot flowers. I hope this cheered everyone up from last week's episode. I had a blast with this. This is my favorite thing that I'm going to think about for weeks now. The robot just love this story. I don't care if she was high.
I want this to be so real. Oh, I'm hoping I'm hoping that this is the first time that aliens actually have come to Earth in the everywhere in on Earth right now. It's just little terror cells of of like ornery rage induced pansies. Just waiting everywhere. Every major city has a pocket like some sort of cells like a sleeper cell somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. And they're just ready to kill like flower boxes across the country are actually hives of activity for these little robot flowers.
It's like that movie Batteries Not Included. But instead of all your fucking. Oh, yes. It's going to be just all your flowers are going to fucking just start attacking. Oh, fuck. Yeah. No, that'd be really good. But I mean, oh, man, I do. I love this. I love this idea. The only thing the only thing that bums me about the story is that she didn't give any scale to like what you mean? Like, yeah, like she said, she was the minute you said they offered to take her with them.
I was like, what's big enough to like have her in there? She said that they were smaller than her. But she didn't say like, were they the size of a flower or were they just like two inches shorter than her? Because the small kids. Yeah, I'm starting to feel like she was just really, really high. I mean, yeah, I mean, but also in 1924, everything was covered in asbestos and lead paint and yeah, all the clocks made out of fucking radioactive material to glow in the dark.
Like, you know, when you have when you have a dream and. When you have the dream, you're like, I've already dreamed about this, but you know, you've never actually dreamed about it. It's just your brain is trick you into it. Yeah. My wonder is maybe she just had a dream and she's like, oh, no, this actually this actually happened. Like, you know, she had a she had a long meeting with the garden club, went home, had a dream and was like aliens. I mean, my flower pots.
True. She also didn't say how old she was. I just know that it was 50 years. It was like in between when it happened and when she said something. So she had to be. They didn't talk about age in the article. I didn't. I didn't. If they did, I didn't fucking see it. But also, who cares? At this point, I just want this to be fantastical. I picture her as like an eight year old kid. Yeah. You know, like that sounds about right. Like at like six to eight years old. Yeah. But who knows?
You know, they would just put toddlers in a bureau to go to bed, you know? So they weren't exactly watching their kids back in the 20s. So she could have been like, you know, an infant. But also, if she wasn't in school, she was just playing at the school. Why wasn't she at work? I feel like back then. Yeah. Like late for her shift at the mill. She took the day off of work to just fucking do shrooms in a field. I mean, I can relate to it. She was like, fuck, dude, these aliens.
And then, you know, she probably was hallucinating. She's probably all fucked up. And then like 50 years later, one of her fucking weird hippie friends in the 70s was like, hey, you want to try shooting? And then she just had to fucking crazy like acid flashback. And she's like, remember the time I saw those alien robot flowers in the 20s? She's like, I got to tell everyone about this. So she called a newspaper called The Weekday. That's the other thing that got me.
She reached out to the newspaper. They didn't go to her. No. They were like, tell us about your robot aliens. She's like, hey, guess what happened to me when I was a kid? I mean, but also. But why would you make that up? That's kind of what I was thinking. The only thing I could think about is that maybe like. Maybe she's just old and like going through some heavy dementia. I don't think dementia makes you see aliens.
I think it just makes you blame the nurse at the nursing home for stealing your wallet. It kind of. Yeah, I don't think it's I don't know. Yeah. My great grandmother had dementia and I just remember her yelling at everybody, but I don't remember ever talking about fucking aliens. Maybe she was yelling at you because she thought you were an alien. Yeah, that happens a lot. All right, Sarge. Well, that's that's our story for today. Definitely a lot more fun.
I think I kind of want to do more of these like weird. I'm going to get fucking weird with it. Yeah, let's get as weird as possible. Yeah, because I think technically I do. So this is technically I think the first episode of season three of the show and every season I try to do something different. Like last season, I was trying to do more multi partners. This I think I'm going to niche it down. We're going to get fucking weird with it. I'm so excited.
I think that's going to be I think that's what it should be. We're going to get weird. Robot Flowers was a good start. It's like fucking fantastic stuff. This makes me so happy. I'm not even kidding. I'm going to be thinking about this for weeks. Yeah, it's fantastic. All right, Sarge. Well, I'm glad I could, you know, boost your morale, I guess. I don't know. Thank you. Is there anything you want to plug? I know you didn't have an episode of Citizens Guide this week. We didn't.
We took the weekend off. I think we got one coming up and also follow me on the Internet. Just Google Sarge of Destroyer and you can find all my social medias. Yeah. And I love you all. Yeah, if you if you're having trouble Googling Sarge of Destroyer for some reason, I feel like first of all, figure it out. Get your house in order.
Second of all, you can also just you can go to the link in the Crypto Cocktail Instagram, which is that Crypto Cocktail and the link tree has all of his socials, our socials, like our TikTok and his TikTok. Perfect. Twitter, all that stuff. We got a Patreon. It's five dollars a month. We've been posting unedited video episodes. I didn't post one last week because there was a weird delay in our audio, which I had to cobble together to make the audio version of the show. So there wasn't one.
But we'll figure something out to kind of replace it. Yeah. Maybe we'll do an interview with another old person who thinks they saw aliens in robot form. I feel like I couldn't interview someone who saw something because I would just be like, sure about that. Are you OK? I don't think I could like I couldn't be like I don't have it in me to not just be like, right. Sure. That's yeah. That sounds right. I mean, I feel like I could probably yes. And my way through that interview. Oh, really?
What else did the aliens touch you at all inside? You'd have to. They touch your butthole or like I have a buddy who does a podcast where he talks to a lot of people about like their experiences and like all that stuff. And I know the way he the way he does it is like it kind of plays more towards like the mental health side of it, like how it affected them. But I could not hear a story of someone seeing like a dog man and take them 100 percent seriously. I'd right. It's challenging.
It's challenging. Like you got to you got to like believe that they believe it. And I think that's the only way to get through it. I mean, I believe that they believe it, but I don't believe it that they saw. I can't. I just don't have it in me to just fake empathy like a serial killer to can. You know, I mean, I don't have that. I'm not a psychopath. I can't just fake emotions. I can't. The thing is, I can fake my voice, but I can't fake my face.
Yeah, no. It's like the difference between like watching or listening to Alex Jones's radio show and watching Alex Jones's radio show. He's absolutely on the radio. He's like, we're all going to die. Nuclear war is two weeks away. But if you see him, he's like. We're all going to die. Nuclear wars. He just looks so into it. That would be his face rarely changes. Yeah, it's because there's nothing inside of him. But also, I don't think it physically can. He's all neck.
Like, I don't think anything. All right. So follow us on Instagram. Cryptic cocktail. Follow Sarge. Sarge is a destroyer. Patreon is five dollars a month. Support the show. I think that's it. I don't think I have anything. There's no there's no. I mean, you can still go to one spirit Lakota dot org and help them with their stuff. There's no support group for robot flowers that you could donate to. This lady is on her own. She's just fucking done.
But with that, Sarge, you want to say goodbye to everyone? Goodbye, everybody. I love you.