Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode of cryptic cocktail party, a show where we have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown. I am your host Dave. And today I am joined as always by Sarge the destroyer. What is going on? You handsome fuck. What is up? I cannot get the fucking Temu commercial out of my head. What's the Temu commercial? It's on YouTube and I watch a lot of YouTube videos while I'm working.
And the commercial comes up a lot and it's the chorus is Oh, Temu. And I just want to, I want to get in a plane and fly to China and burn down the Temu home offices. I didn't even know Temu head commercials. I assumed it was such a scam that they were just like, well, so that was really interesting to find out as well. I mean, I wasn't going to shop
there anyway, because I don't trust any Lego set that's $2. But I, my daughter apparently is very involved in everything aside from doing her homework and explained to me that Temu basically like makes poisonous toys. And then I looked it up and like literally it's she's not even lying. Like they have all these like different recalls in things that they have been found with like an absurd fucking lead paint content. I mean, that tracks though
toxic paints and stuff. And I'm like, how are we even allowing this? Like, but then I wonder like, what's wrong with us as a, as a species that we're like, Oh, it's $2. Let me buy it and just roll the dice and see what happens. Well, cause the only experience I have with Temu is I never ordered anything from it, but you know, like when you first started Tik Tok and like your for you page, you have to like kind of curate it to what you want it to be. When I first started mine, it was
literally just like, look what I got out. It was like Temu hall like videos, like look what I got for $17 and they got like 8,000 things. And it's like, I got this Xbox series one, like, yeah, it was like, you can't. And then like a month later, it's like, I bought this dress off Temu and it smells like straight up chemicals. And it's like, well, yeah, dude, like no shit. It was, well, when you spend 12 cents on a garment, you can't expect it
to be fine. A high fashion. Yeah. It was made, it was stitched by the tiniest of hands, I'm assuming. Anytime you order anything from Temu, there's a, there's a less than zero chance of, I mean, there's a, not a zero chance, but a slight chance you're going to get some depleted uranium. Yeah. You might get like some nuclear nuclear waste stitched into your
t-shirt. It's glow in the dark, but that's because it's radium. So I always thought it was kind of like an Alibaba situation because Alibaba is actually pretty good, but every once in a while you'll get like something sketchy. So the problem I have with Alibaba is that it's named for a thief. You know, I don't think that's a good idea to buy something when your company. Was Alibaba the thief or was he just, cause he wasn't part of the 40
thieves. He was, I, but I think it's Alibaba and the 40 thieves. So I believe he's part of the team. Is he like, let me, uh, let me do some quick Googling and find out who Alibaba was. All right. While you do that, can you also, can you put a blanket over your bird because editing that out is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I try so hard. Okay. All right. Give me a sec. I got you right. I didn't even think about her. Sammy, shut
the fuck up. We're trying to record. She's like, Oh, it's nighttime now. It's amazing how quickly that works. It's bonkers. Yeah. It's immediate. Yeah. She still makes some noise, but it's very quiet. Yeah. She's whispering. She's like, it's nighttime now. I don't want to wake anyone up. At least it doesn't, it'd be different if it was a bird that talked and it was just like, fuck you the entire time. I'd be like, Oh God, I wish I tried
desperately to teach her words. Cause she, she's supposed to be able to say like a couple of words, but she doesn't say shit. She probably does. She just whispers it at night when no one's around. Yeah. Well, she's, she's such an ungrateful asshole. Cause like I feed her, I give her water, I give her toys. She won't come near me. She's terrified of me. Yeah. And it's not like I'm some big monster that comes running, like rattling the cage and
shaking it up and shit. Like I just like talk to her kindly. Yeah. And she's like, nah, fuck you. All right, Sarge, are you ready to dive into today's episode? Let's go. Let's go. So today I have three stories for you. Oh God. We are going to do, uh, I don't know. How would I word this? Like one off sighting cryptids. Like cryptids that have only been seen once and then never again. Oh, okay. All right. I'm ready for this. Does that make
sense? Like it was just like a one time sighting? Yeah. Yeah. Jimmy Carter had one of those. Was it a cryptic or UFO? President Jimmy Carter. He had both. He spotted a UFO and he, okay, this is going to sound ridiculous. It's going to be, this is going to be another Paul Revere and the rum situation. Um, which no one's going to get that reference cause we talked about it before we started recording. But, um, so Jimmy Carter claims that he was chased.
I can't even say it all out. He claims he was chased by a giant rabbit. Okay. He was in a boat. He was in like a, either a rowboat or a canoe. He was on the water in the shaft. Yeah. He was chased a rabbit. I believe, and maybe I'm messing the story up, but if I understand correctly, he was chased into his boat by a giant rabbit. Okay. I'm going to have to look into that and we're going to have to hold, do a whole episode on just, just to
like, I, yeah, we need to, cause I would be so excited. The episode will be the rabbit story and the UFO story. All right. So you're ready to start this thing? These, these are, let's go. All right. So I got three of them. And the first one is kind of like close to home. Uh, this is a, the slong lump monster. Okay. That's long lump. Yeah. There's, you'll understand why it's named that in a little bit. Uh, so this actually happened in Berwick,
Maine, which is like two minutes from where I grew up. And actually in high school, I lived in Berwick, Maine for like a hot minute. Um, oh, nice. Yeah. And I had never heard of this story before. I had to like dive deep into the, like the annals of the internet to like find, cause we've already covered most of like the one-off cryptid things. So a lot of these, I don't know how they're. I think you meant annals of the internet.
Cause if you went into the annals of the internet, you're going to, yeah, people are going to wonder about your search history. That was a different website. Well, I do most of these searches in Cognito mode anyways, so no one will ever know. Fair enough. So slong lump monster on August 23rd, 1972 at around 1 30 AM, 24 year old Mary, uh, no last name given obvious. Cause of course not. Uh, who was driving along pine road in Berwick, Maine
towards long swamp road on her way home to Lebanon. Now, if you're familiar with the area, long swamp road connects to route two Oh two. Um, it's like the fastest way to get there. If you're coming over the bridge from New Hampshire. Um, now as Mary turns off of pine Hill road and makes her way up long swamp road, she notices something crouched down on the left side of the road near some brush right around where Johnny lane and long swap
internet intersect. Now she doesn't get a good look at it at first, but she described it as big and that his eyes glowed like a bright kind of red when the headlights of her car passed by it. She didn't stop to check it out or really think much of it and chalked it up to being a bear or something like that. Bears aren't like super common around there because it's, it's kind of populated. It's still wooded area, but they also don't have
red eyes. So that would have been a clue for me. Uh, bears actually, uh, when they reflect light back off of them, it is like an orangey red kind of color. Yeah. Uh, I don't know if it's all bears, but I would shit my pants immediately. Yeah. Bears bears eyes, like with the cones, when they reflect light, it is like an orangey red kind of color. Um, so on her part, that was a safe assumption, a conclusion that most would probably come
to I think, I mean, I didn't know that until I looked it up. Yeah, I'm the, I'm the idiot here. Cause I'm like, red eyes. You're crazy. Yeah. You see any glowing red eyes in the woods of like, that's a demon. Uh, but it's immediately what I would do. But also I'd be like, Oh, it's Satan. I'm fucked. Yeah. But also it's also a bear. Like either way, it's not going to be good for you if it decides to fucking be like, I'm coming at you. Like,
yeah, it's all bad. It's a problem. Uh, so anyway, so she just continues on her way and after a half mile or so, she notices this thing again, but this time it's not on the side of the road. It's in her side view mirror. And this thing is fucking just chasing down her car. So she described whatever this thing was as being anywhere between seven to nine feet tall, covered in a black, almost like feathery kind of like coating, a snouted snarling
face, clawed hands that were almost like an, like in a reaching out like pose. And it was chasing down her car on two legs and it possibly had a tail. Are we sure it wasn't just somebody trying to get to the Met Gala? She's they wear some weird shit. She's describing and she didn't actually say this, but she's describing like a velociraptor. It's like, like, you
know what I mean? Like in Jurassic Park, when they like do that starling thing and they have their hands like clawed out, it's that but covered in feathers, which I mean, technically, I guess is historically more accurate. Yeah. I mean, the thing is, and I don't want to go off in a tangent here, but I'm gonna anyway, cause you know me, but did it ruin dinosaurs for you when you found out a lot of them had feathers? Cause it just, to me, it made them
less scary. I was like, Oh, it's not bad ass that you just look like Big Bird. It didn't because there's a, there's two shows that I watch on repeat, usually when I'm falling asleep and it's a, there's a, on Apple TV, there is a David Attenborough narrating dinosaur show. I know the one you're talking about. Yeah. Some of those dinosaurs covered in feathers, I would not fuck with. There's one that just fucking books it and it's a nightmare and
it's like a fucking thing. The terror bird. I'm all set. Oh yeah. No. So the, the thing is I think it's cause they don't fly. I just immediately associate them with chickens and Turkey. Yeah. But they're like eight feet tall and we'll fucking, it's like an OST, like ostriches are fucking terrifying. Oh yeah. No, actually now that you say that, no, you're right. Like an ostrich or an emu will fucking murder either. We have no chance.
Oh yeah. It's like you, as a guy I watch on YouTube, he has like a wildlife sanctuary in New Jersey. This is a, this ostrich that just keeps trying to eat them. The ostrich just doesn't like them. And he said like the only way you can get it to behave is if he, if he hits it in the head, with like a plastic lid from a bucket to feed the other animals and he's like feeding the animals and the ostrich comes over and he's just like thunk.
He's got like, he's just like a shield. That's pretty good. And the side of the head that it runs away. Anyway, anyway, so, okay. So we've got a seven to nine foot tall feathery raptor, Claude red eyed demon raptor. Yes. Now she said at the time she must've been going at least 50 miles an hour and this thing was close enough to her bumper. Like it was
keeping pace. The, the tail lights of her car were illuminating its entire fucking body, which makes this even more terrifying, which means that it's like illuminated in red and she's like seeing it like right in the rear view mirror. Like she's not like turning around to look at like it's fucking terrifying. Now she sped up in hopes of out running the creature
or at the very least like tiring it out. Yeah. But even getting up to speeds of what she said was 70 miles an hour, the creature kept pace, even at one point slamming its body into the side of her car, almost causing Mary to lose control, which I mean, yeah. So, so long swamp road, if you're not familiar with it, uh, is super windy. Uh, there's also like one street light on this entire road. It's fucking fair. It's a nightmare road, but it's
also in the woods of Berwick leading up to Lebanon. So, uh, people speed down it all the time. So it's kind of like, it's like super easy to like lose control. Like if you, if you're going down this road during the day, you'll see like just like black skid marks just like, you see them on every road in New Hampshire, Maine though. Yeah. So it's super easy to lose control. Even if you don't have a giant bird Raptor trying to like fuck
you up for no reason. Um, now this continued for what Mary claimed or what she said it felt like it was like 10 minutes, but it probably really wasn't. It's not that long of a road. Like it's a long road, but it's not 10 minutes going 70 miles an hour long. You know what I mean? Like you would have been in and out if you're doing 70 the entire time. So it's
probably only like a couple of minutes. She didn't manage to out run it, but luckily another car was coming down long swap road in the opposite direction and either the creature got spooked or got bored either way. It darted into the woods never to be seen again. Uh, Mary would end up going to the police station that night to report what she had seen. Obviously she was shaken and terrified. So she had to give her statement orally. Like she couldn't
write anything down. And in her statement, like she was like obviously in distress, she misspoke and said there was a monster on slong Lomp road and that's how the name came about and it kind of stuck, but it seems kind of mean like they were like making fun of her because the cops obviously just fucking idiot. Yeah. They did the whole like, sure, sure. Whatever you say, lady, you're obviously hysterical. Like, uh, and they did go to check it out
and they didn't find anything, but there you go. So that's the story of the slong Lomp monster. There was no damage to her car because you said it hit her car and she almost, there was like a dent in it, but I mean, it's the seventies and you live in Maine. Yeah. That could literally be anything. Like it didn't like shatter like a tail light or anything. Like it was like next to the car and it kind of like hit it. I guess that's, I'm just going
off of like, I'm going off Jurassic park rules. Yeah. No, that's fair. Okay. All right. So now this next story, uh, we're going international to a Spagna. It's the home, home of tapas, Barcelona, Tengriya, home of Diego Luna. I think, I don't know. I don't know if any of these things are actually from Spain. I just know they're Spanish. Isn't it the home of Pedro Pascal? Spain? Probably. Yeah. I think so. I think it's worth it. That beautiful
son of a bitch. So this story is the story of the Octo-Squatch. Oh God. Yes. I have been saying forever that, that Sasquatch needs more arms. The story of the Octo-Squatch goes as such one night in the summer of 1961 at roughly 11 PM, a truck driver by the name of Archimedes Sanchez and his anonymous riding partner, which, and this is just speculation may or may or may not be code for a lot lizard. They were driving down a road in the Basque
mountains. Now the Basque people, as we learned in Ramel's whole series are famous for their depols and fetal seal worm worshiping. Of course. Yeah. Now this road is a road. As their ancestors have written. No, this road is a road that Archimedes, first of all, amazing name has traveled over many times. Well, honestly, I am still stuck on how amazing a name he has because his name is Archimedes Sanchez. Yeah. So it's basically like Archimedes Smith.
Pretty much. This is like a very common last name, but just his parents were like, his parents were like, no one is ever going to forget your name. So this is a road that he's traveled many times in his time as a truck, uh, as a truck, as a truck driver. He's also a transformer. I thought I left that part out. My mistake. Uh, now as him and his anonymous partner quote unquote, we're nearing Puerto de Barrazar. I think I spelled that right.
Their headlights caught a glimpse of something near an embankment on the side of the road. Archimedes slammed on the brakes and standing there on the side of the road was a three to four foot tall, hairy octopus with a shaggy coat of rust colored hair. Now the creature, just as stunned as the two men, uh, raised one of its hairy tentacles to shield the light from its eyes. The two men in the truck and the hairy octopus just kind of stayed like
that for a few minutes. Like the octopus, octosquatch or whatever you want to call it was some like a deer and headlights and the men stunned because they are in the presence of the octosquatch. It's a real cash. Yeah. Yeah. No, finally, uh, Archimedes Sanchez was like, fuck this and ordered his fuck friend to go get the jackhammer out of the back of the truck. Presumably he was going to jackhammer this thing to death. Like what the fuck?
Typical human reaction. I don't know what it is. Let's kill it. Yeah, pretty much. But, uh, but his companion was like, no dude, I'm not doing that. Uh, so Sanchez threw the truck in reverse and then drove at the creature as fast as he could only stopping mere feet from it. But the creature didn't flinch, which is like, all right, cool. Now he did this a few times, like over and over again with the same result. And after a while the men
decided meh, whatever. And then just drove around it and left and just continued their ride home, like to the destination. And that's the whole story. When, when was this? This was in the seventies. Okay. This was, this was in, hold on, let me scroll up. Uh, oh 1961. That can't be right. I think I wrote that wrong. It could be right. I don't know. The jack, he wanted to jackhammer to death. He had to have been like drunk or high. I
have no idea. I'm not saying he didn't see it, but I'm saying if your first reaction, you see an anomaly in the road is let's get the jackhammer. So I guess that's, that's some big like cocaine energy, but also like is a jackhammer gas powered? Usually you need a compressor or you need something to like, what was he going to do? Is he just going to fucking like just throw it at it? Yeah. Jackhammers are heavy. Yeah. It's not something
you can just like pick up like a goat. Like you don't, you never say go get the jackhammer. Yeah. I mean, it's not like a casual thing. You can just say in passing like, Hey, Jeff, go get, go get the jackhammer. Like no, it's like a, I've used a jackhammer. That's a lot of that. And I've used a modern one. I can only imagine how heavy that shit is back in the 1960s and seventies. It's fucking steam powered. You got to fucking heat up coal and
shit like it's not ideal. So I, but I guess when, um, like, so they were doing this back and forth fucking thing, like reversing and stopping and then another truck drove by and just blew past them. Like didn't even like real, like didn't notice what was going on. And so they were just like, this is why this even further, this, this further, uh, pushes my theory that he was high as fuck. Well, they're truckers. It's him and his, what I
assume is a paid lover. Yeah. Clearly doing, I'm not going to say he's getting some roadhead, but at least trucker speed, they're doing some sort of diet pill, maybe a bunch of red lens. You know what I mean? Like they're of course it's the middle of the night. And the person in the passenger seat probably just wasn't wearing pants. And that's why they didn't want to get the jackhammer. Right. I wouldn't jack it. I was gonna say I wouldn't
jack. I wouldn't jackhammer pantless, but yeah, that's, that's a true sign of masculinity right there. I'll wear goggles, but I'm not wearing pants. So dangerous. Too many loose bits down there that could get caught up in a way. Yeah. There's so many things that can get caught in stuff. All right. So where are we so far? So we got one more story left, but so far we've covered the slong lot monster. We've got the octascotch. We've got one more
story. Where are you at right now? How are you feeling about these stories so far? I want an octascotch to just live in my house, right? Or even just a plushie. Like I'll take a stop. It doesn't sound like it's a very violent creature. No, it sounds adorable. It's just kind of like, ah, turn off the headlights, man. It was just trying to do it. Just trying to live its best life. I don't know. Yeah. All right. So you're ready for this last story?
Let's go. So this is the story of the shadow veil prowler. Okay. This is more of, this is more of a modern one. It's not, this has got a good serial killer name. The shadow veil prowler is a good serial killer name. Right. Everyone listening. It sounds like, it sounds like a made up town, like a fictional serial killer from a novel, like the town is shadow veil. It kind of does. Or like a serialized podcast thing where like it's like,
it's like a, like a, like a dramatically read something or other. If anyone listening, don't steal this name because if I ever become a serial killer, I want to be the shadow veil. Yeah, please. So, uh, so in October of 1998 at around 10 PM, a hunter by the name of Greg Thompson was out spotting deer near the edge of blackwood forest located in blackwood falls, Washington. Super imaginative naming here. Yeah. Now, Greg, who's an experienced hunter
and also a tractor, a tracker. Oh my God. A tracker, not a tractor. God damn. What is going on with me today? People are truck. Are you okay? I don't, I'm having a mild stroke. He is an experienced hunter and tracker and has been in these parts of the woods before he claimed that on this night, something just felt kind of off. He says that as he was making his way through the tree line, all the wildlife just stopped making noises and the woods fell
into like an eerie silence. Now it was a pretty foggy night as I feel as I've most nights I feel like in the Pacific Northwest are like, yeah, the Pacific Northwest to me just has like a consistent silent Hill to vibe to it. Where? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As far as the eye can see, it's just going to be fog. I was basically just thinking the same thing. Like every night in the Pacific Northwest is like a scene from clue. Yeah. It's just unpenetrable
fog. Now. Yeah. And thunderstorms constantly. Yeah. And even though it was foggy, the moon was full, but the woods just felt darker than normal and he couldn't shake the feeling that something in the woods was watching him as I was researching the story. And as I was writing this the entire time, I was the only way I could describe like reading, like researching it and writing the story is like, I was like watching a horror movie and me on my couch
being like, you stupid fuck. There's so many red flags happening right now. Just get out of there. Like as a hiker, I can tell you when you hear no noises in the woods, you're in the wrong woods. Yeah. Also it's nighttime. It's foggy. The it seems darker than it should be. Like just, just leave. What are you doing? Like I said, he felt like something in the woods was watching him. So just as that feeling of being watched crept over him out of the
corner of his eye, he saw something large and black move. Thinking it was just a trick of the moonlight through the trees and the fog. He turned to check it out expecting pretty much to find nothing, but yeah, no. He saw what he claimed was a large feline creature with black fur, so black it seemed to absorb any light that hit it, making it appeared like darker than the shadows. He said that his eyes glowed in what he described as a
faint other worldly glow. Now, Greg now frozen in place pretty much. I see it as like he's just urine drenched, like the front of his pants, I assume. I would be, yeah. He could only stand there as the massive feline prowler just circled around him slowly. And then after what felt like forever, the prowler suddenly stopped and locked eyes with Greg as if it was deciding his fate. Like, will I murder you here and now, or will I let you live and
like tell a story that no one will ever believe and people will think you're crazy? Both of those don't seem like a good outcome, but at least one of them, you're alive. That's like the cruelest thing that any cryptid could do, right? It's like show up, wave at you and then be like, no one's going to believe this and then walk away. Yeah. And then just as suddenly as it appeared, like the prowler made his decision and vanished into the woods,
leaving Greg shaken and now just alone, like in the fog, like the dark foggy woods. So Greg decided, and this is probably the best decision he's made so far, that this was a good as good a time as any to just get the fuck out of there. It made his way back to town. OK, now when he got back to town, he immediately told everyone what had happened. Now it's like 11 p.m. by this time. So I bet he just like went to like the local bar, which
is the only thing that would be open and told everyone what happened. Now, luckily for Greg, he did have a good reputation in town for having like a solid head on his shoulders. So while there were some skeptics, people kind of took him at his word. Now, obviously, there was no evidence of a giant cat monster in the woods and also big black panther monsters are not native to the Pacific. Not a common thing. Yeah. But the story has kind of become
like folklore in the region. People claiming that it was like a guardian of the forest. Others, as usual, say it was a harbinger of doom, even though I couldn't find anything bad happening in the forest. I don't know, man. Either way, no one's ever seen it again. And there it is, Sarge. That is the story of the shadow veil prowler and the last story for today. Where are we? How are you feeling? I'm still I'm still I think Archimedes and
the Octosquatch should be a children's book. I mean, we could write out the lot lizard. Yeah. We'll just start out the lot lizard. That's fair. We can turn it into like a dog. Like his writing partner was like his dog companion. Right. Now, he wouldn't make it weird when he's like, go get the jackhammer and the dogs like, I don't have thumbs. Well,
you would leave that out of you would leave that out of the kids story. I would assume I feel like blatantly murdering just like an innocent because there's no lesson there to be learned. I guess it's true. Well, there's not many lessons to learn from cryptids. They sort of just show up. They wreak havoc on your life and then they run away into the woods. True. Now, Sarge, there is a twist to this episode. And I kind of took this out
of your book. Two of these stories are not real. I made them up whole cloth. Only one of them is real. And now I need you to circle through your mind. Think back to these stories and I want you to tell me which one you think is the real story. I think my bias is going to have to stick with OctoSquatch. Is the real one? Yeah. Yes. I'm so happy. That was really good, though, because I was tied with slog slung lump slung lump. Yeah, I was very tied
with that one because I'm like, that's a really good detail. Like the minute you said that the two of them were made up, I was like, well, slung lump, that's a good detail to add, like because if you were just trying to convince me that it was a true story, it would have just been like, oh, the long swamp monster. Wow. Good work. You almost had me. I was very torn. I honestly didn't think you would chose OctoSquatch. OctoSquatch, come
on, the name Archimedes. If anything out of all of these, that sounds the most fake. You know what, though? I think because the name Archimedes Sanchez is so absurd, I was like, there's no way he's going to make that name up because it's so crazy. It is such a bonkers name. I do like the shadow veil prowler, but the reason I thought that one was fake is
because at no point was anything named Shadow Veil. Like, why would they call it that? So the slung lump monster, the backstory behind that is that my mother-in-law actually lives off of Long Swamp Road in Burrowick and me and my wife, whenever we have to drive from Philly back to Maine to stay with her when we're visiting friends in New Hampshire or something like that, we came up with the slung lump monster. We never came up with what it
looks like. Like I wrote that out whole cloth like an hour ago. Like I made up that whole story. But we came up with slung lump monster. So that's where that one came from. The shadow veil prowler, I asked chat GPT to come up with a story about like a like a like a one off cryptic siding and then all this stuff. So the town is fake. The name is fake. But I did. I should have fuck it now. Now that you said the name, I should have fucking because
I did. I did ask chat chat GPT why is it called Shadow Veil prowler? How did it get its name? And I should have included it so that to throw you off. But it did say that the shadow veil prowler got its name from the few tantalizing descriptions provided by witnesses and local folklore. The term shadow veil comes from the creature's extraordinary ability to blend seamlessly into the darkness as if it wears a veil of shadows. OK, so here's the thing.
You're talking about rural folk. We don't know. I don't know how rural it is. I mean, the guy's hunting in the woods in the northwest, so he's not in Olympia, Portland, Seattle. So so I just don't see like a bunch of people being that poetic while also living as lumberjacks. Yeah, but I mean, folklorists, people get poetic with it. They would have called it like the hellcat. Yeah, that's fair. I'm the hellcat of Seattle. I'm honestly surprised
that you still am surprised that you chose Octosquatch. That is the most unbelievable shit that I've ever heard in my entire life. But I think that's why I chose it, because it was so unbelievable. I was like, no one in the world is going to make up Archimedes sketches. I think the jackhammer, I thought the jackhammer would throw you off, too. Like, who's going to? I think it was because it was all so absurd, but also I wanted it to
be real so bad. Yeah. How could you not want the Octosquatch to be like, yeah, it has to be real. I want an Octosquatch for my house and I want to teach it how to play drums. Oh, shit. So like an underwater band. How good he'd be. Yeah, I love it. But so yeah, so that's the episode. I tried to have fun with it. I think that was fun. That was awesome. Trying something new, a little different. It was so much fun. But I wanted to take a
page out of your book like you did with the torture devices. Oh, OK. See if I could see if I could trip you up a bit. You were very close. A slung lump had me. I was like, I'm probably wrong, but I just don't think anyone would make up that name. All right. Yeah. I'm going to stick with Octosquatch. Oh, thank God I did it. I know. You have to wake up earlier in the morning to fool this guy. You're going to have to you have to come up with
names like Socrates Wellington. I should just like his name was Jeff Bob, Jeff Roberts, the most red taters. Yeah, like just the most un-Spanish name you could think of. He was an expat who moved to Spain to become a truck driver. But I also thought that maybe the Bask thing would throw you off because how often does Bask show up in like random shit that we've covered? Like, oh, right. Well, the the only two times I've heard it this year
are on this podcast. That's what I'm saying. Like, I thought maybe you'd be like, oh, well, he's just taken that from the other things and melding into a story. All right. Well, I thought I could trick you. You're too smart. Sorry. You got it. This is more time. You have more time. You'll have the chance. We'll have to do this again because this was fun. I enjoyed coming up with the song. This was fun. It was good. Long Lump is great. Yeah.
I thought that detail I thought would get you and think so you'd think it was real. Well, in my head, I was like, I want to go up there and check this out. I want to go see this road. It's not that far. It's not that great. So road in Berwick. Well, now it's not. Now that there's not a giant terror raptor, I should have just not said that any of these were fake or real and just seen how many people listen to this episode and then
like try and write like a crypto, a back story, a pedia entry. But here's the thing. Most people don't listen to like the last five minutes of this episode. So they never would have figured it out. They probably they might still not. You never know. They'll hear like put it in the description. State of the end for the big reveal. Yeah, I know. All right. So that's the end of the episode. It was a good time. That was fun. That was really good.
You got anything you want to plug before we? Yeah. So New Citizens Guide episode is coming out. Sorry, we missed a couple of weeks, but life got in the way as it usually does. But this one's going to be a good one. You're going to want to tune in for it. We're covering the great molasses flood of nineteen nineteen in Boston. It's not really a super supernatural story, but it definitely follows our theme of covering things that are sticky, stupid
and uncomfortable. Definitely lately you've been covering things that are just that just murder people. Yeah. Things that are just weird and uncomfortable. Yeah. So, yeah, that'll be a fun episode. And there's a lot of like crazy history and actual political intrigue that's involved. So a really interesting story, some corporate malfeasance, which we all know and love in America. And I got a coloring book that's going to be coming out hopefully
in July. It's a grown up coloring book. There's going to be like word searches and mazes, dicks and pussies and tits. Is that an adult coloring book, though? I mean, it could be. It's not going to be my coloring book. Well, but I did tell the publisher my goal was for it to be banned in libraries across the South. And I think we achieved that goal. A bunch of gay shit that there is stuff in there. Yeah. That's the whole reason I was like,
I want there to be two teddy bears holding hands underneath a rainbow. And they made it that way so you could color in the two teddy bears. Oh, but Project 2025 is not going to enjoy that. Well, they're going to have to suck it up and deal because I have no problem with gay people and therefore they shouldn't either. Because I command it. Well, you are the sergeant. So that's right. What you say is law. Technically, I guess. Yeah. So check
out sometime this week. It'll be around the same time that this episode drops. Our hours are probably drop a day or two after. So Tuesday or Wednesday, the great molasses flood. It is. I've done the most research, probably some of the most research I've ever done for a podcast episode on this. And it's just it's crazy. I got lazy today. I did no research whatsoever for this episode. And it was you didn't have to. I know it was a blast. I loved
it. It was just amazing. It was so much fun. All right. So yeah, so this is guide. Definitely make sure you check out the new episode when it comes out. Follow. So I'll tell you guys about the coloring book when it comes out. It's going to be called Sages super normal coloring book. So it's going to be anything but. Yeah, no, there's not going to be anything normal in that coloring book. There's a lot of weird shit. We've got Maynard in there.
This has been in the works for months. I didn't want to talk about it until it was almost done. Yeah. And so, yeah, there's me and Maynard on adventures in there. So you get to color in an adventure with the both of us. And we've got some cryptids in there. So there'll be references to this this podcast and citizens guide to the super normal in there. I better get you in there because all the artwork was done before we before we started recording
together. But I just want one. I just want to come. You've got you've got a couple of pages. So yeah, you'll be able to buy it on Amazon. It's going to be published. The all the work was done by a legit publishing company, but we're going to publish it through Amazon because it'll be a lot less expensive to purchase. They do. I don't know. They do that. Yeah. Yeah. Keep an eye out for the new episode. Citizens guide. Keep out here and I for the
coloring book. I'm sure he'll promote it. So we'll be talking about. Yeah, I'll be annoying about about it. I'll be supporting it. Follow Sarge on all of the socials. You can find them in the link on our Instagram. You can follow our Instagram at Crypto Cocktail, also Tick Tock Crypto Cocktail party, Patreon, five dollars a month. You get unedited video of the show. And I think that's also it's Pride Month. So I support the Trevor Project.
It's this thing that I've always had a kind of a passionate thing about suicide prevention for young trans people, gay people, stuff like that. So it's a good it's a good charity to donate to. I have a link to it in my in our Tick Tock. You can support that. And then I think that's it. Sarge, you want to say goodbye to everyone? Yeah, I mean, please donate to the Trevor Project. The LGBTQ community holds a special place in my heart. My daughter
and I actually go down to Pride in Providence, Rhode Island next weekend. I get a free Dad Hugs T-shirt that I always wear. That's good. And it's always you know, it's always good to to give some encouragement to folks whose whose families have completely abandoned them because of something that was beyond their control. So it's something that I firmly believe in. Obviously, you do, too. So please make sure that you punch a bigot in the face.
In celebration of Pride. Just kidding. Don't do any violence that you know, Sarge doesn't that I told you to do. But punch a bigot in the face. Yeah. Punch one in the face. Not like a whole bunch. I mean, if you're surrounded, you know, yeah, punch you got to do. Do some damage. Bring a chain with you. Put a put a billiard ball in a bandana. You know, yeah. What are you going to do? Padlock on a bandana. That'll work. The cue ball in a sock. Whatever
you got. A roll of quarters in your in your pocket and you can just wrap your fist around them. Yeah. Maybe I'll make some. What are you going to do? Maybe I'll make some cryptic cocktail branded brass knuckles. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. That's a really good idea. And then you can make them rainbow colored. Now I'm going to look into that. Our pride brass knuckle line. That's actually a really good idea. You know, you can't buy
brass knuckles in Massachusetts, but you can buy. You can buy paperweights. If they're no, I have if they're sold, they sell them as paperweights. If they're sold as decorative paperweights, quote unquote, you can buy brass knuckles if they're labeled as paperweights. I found that out because in New Hampshire, they're they were illegal. I don't know if they are now, but they were. And you could buy them, but only if they were labeled as
a decorative paperweight, decorative paperweight. So if I have a brass knuckle, I have one knuckle and it's a bottle opener. Yeah. So if anyone wants to buy some films to buy some cryptic cocktail pride theme decorative paperweights, we need this. We are going to make these. We have to make these. Maybe I'll I'll look into it today. Maybe we'll put them for pre-order. Tomorrow. So I'm all about it. I'll pre-order for sure. All right. With that, we love you.
We love everyone. I love you, everyone. Don't be a fucking bigot asshole. Don't be a bigot. Yeah. I think that's a good way to end the show, right? Yeah, that's fair.