I’ve been diving into helping people handle conflict for many years. Decades now. Early on, more than a few people could get mixed up about mediation and meditation. Fortunately, I haven’t seen that kind of mix-up for a long time. But here’s a perennial one: mediation and arbitration. Merriam-webster.com has this to say: arbitration is the hearing and determination of a disputed case by an arbiter. Or, arbitrator. Mediation is defined as intervention between conflicting parties to promote reconc...
Jan 16, 2025•4 min•Ep. 317
Janet Ettele joins me to talk about her new book, How Joyous Effort Works. It’s the fourth in her How Life Works series. Through her books, Janet presents an accessible introduction to Buddhist principles, using the timeless power of story. You can learn more about Janet’s work, including her books, here: https://janetettele.com/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions....
Jan 09, 2025•25 min•Ep. 316
Here are three short episodes that were particular favorites this year. “The problem with perceptions” June 5, 2024 4:46 https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/podcast/episode-283-the-problem-with-perceptions?rq=284 “Not enough of a good thing” August 14, 2024 4:15 https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/podcast/nbspepisode-294-not-enough-of-a-good-thing?rq=294 “Satisfying vs. productive” December 11, 2024 4:00 https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/podcast/episode-312-satisfying-vs-productive...
Jan 02, 2025•3 min•Ep. 315
Christianity’s Golden Rule, to do unto other as you would have them do unto you, is woven into nine other world religions (at least). Here’s the source for the phrasing in this episode: https://www.scarboromissions.ca/golden-rule/golden-rule-across-the-worlds-religions You can buy a poster there, too. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com ! And you can learn more ...
Dec 26, 2024•4 min•Ep. 314
Kelly McDonald joins me to talk about her book, How to Work With and Lead People Not Like You. We talk about her take on constructive conflict and some fascinating and compelling research about the challenge and benefit of working with people not like you. You can learn more about this book and Kelly’s other books here: https://www.mcdonaldmarketing.com/ .She invites connection requests on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kellycmcdonald/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topi...
Dec 19, 2024•28 min•Ep. 313
Satisfying or productive? In a way, an expansion on the idea of stopping yourself from uttering that clever, snarky comeback. Definitely might be satisfying, but unlikely to be productive. More likely to be harmful: creating a conflict, exacerbating one, or laying the groundwork for trouble by creating ill feelings. In addition to snarky comments, consider actions, inactions, delays. From a conflict perspective some tempting words and acts may feel good – in a bad way – and be quite damaging. Do...
Dec 12, 2024•4 min•Ep. 312
Rabbi Daniel Cohen joins me to talk about his book, What Will They Say About You When You Are Gone?: Creating a Life of Legacy. We discuss how we all create that legacy every day, even in the smallest moments. We talk about reverse engineering your life, anticipatory kindness, and Elijah moments. You can learn more about the book, Rabbi Cohen’s new podcast, radio work, and The Legacy Academy at his website: https://www.rabbidanielcohen.com/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or gu...
Dec 05, 2024•27 min•Ep. 311
It’s Thanksgiving week here in the U.S. We are encouraged, of course, to reflect on what we can be grateful for. There is more focus on our inward directed reflection than on expressing our gratitude to those around us. When we do look outward, in our interactions with others, can we try to add gracious to grateful? Not just because it would be nice. Being gracious now may lead us to be grateful down the road for nasty conflicts prevented or more easily defused. Do you have comments or suggestio...
Nov 28, 2024•4 min•Ep. 310
When you are truly stuck with a lousy option and need to accept it, what process can you follow? First, acknowledging the frustration. The grief. The loss. Second, trying to keep the finger-pointing and blame to a minimum. Backward-looking “if onlys” don’t help. Third, trying to keep the focus on the future. Whatever that was now going to be. If there were lessons to be learned, trying to absorb them with grace and intention. Finally, keeping priorities clear. If the relationships matter, doing ...
Nov 21, 2024•3 min•Ep. 308
The idea that we can control our emotions is both unrealistic and potentially damaging. We can try to shut them down or bury them. But they won’t go away. They can corrode or explode. Better to make sure that our emotions do not control us – and our behavior. We can recognize the emotions and their effect on us. Then work to make sure we don’t give up our agency to them. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resoluti...
Nov 14, 2024•4 min•Ep. 307
It’s good advice to “be humble in victory and gracious in defeat”, a phrase credited to Chrisopher Earle. Humble: no gloating, no mocking. Gracious: accepting the outcome, no blaming those who enforce the rules fairly, no finger pointing at your teammates. But both can be tough to do, especially in the current political climate in the U.S. Which leads to another quote: “If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.” That might be the best option in interactions with those who have a...
Nov 07, 2024•4 min•Ep. 306
Empathy is demonstrating an understanding of another person's feelings and needs. Sympathy shows concern for another person’s misfortune, but not necessarily with the same connection. Pity can be sympathy with judgment or condescension. Empathy can be very helpful in the conflict context. Sympathy may be helpful. Pity can create or worsen problems. We need to be careful about what we are feeling and very careful about what we are projecting. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or g...
Oct 31, 2024•4 min•Ep. 305
John Ford is a seasoned mediator. He also describes himself as the purveyor of The Empathy Set. These are tools to help answer the fundamental questions that so often lie behind conflict: What are we feeling and what are we needing. The tools include cards, an app, a dictionary and very cool talking sticks. We discuss how to use these tools effectively. To learn more about The Empathy Set and access free resources, visit https://www.empathyset.com/ You will also find there information about The ...
Oct 24, 2024•28 min•Ep. 304
When we are in ongoing relationships, such as those in an extended family or family enterprise, we should be on the lookout for conflict patterns. Is there a pattern to when we frequently end up in a bad conflict? A location can set up challenges in at least three different ways. First, a certain location can be the site of a previous dust-up, disappointment, or even tragedy. Revisiting that particular location can be difficult – possibly for some people and not others. Second, some locations re...
Oct 17, 2024•5 min•Ep. 303
When we are in ongoing relationships in an extended family or family enterprise, we should be on the lookout for patterns. Is there a pattern to when we frequently end up in a bad conflict? Which is probably easier to notice than when we don’t end up there. One easy-to-detect factor is timing. Are meetings scheduled at a time of day that is primed for frustration? Are participants in decision-making given ample time to prepare for making them? Noticing patterns and taking helpful steps from what...
Oct 10, 2024•5 min•Ep. 302
In the context of a dispute or conflict, we may easily overlook progress. We might miss markers all together. We may see them but dismiss them as no big deal. Baby steps matter. How? First, though they may be only slight improvements, they are improvements. Second, they usually indicate some success in those who are in conflict working together in some small way. Third, marking that progress – and celebrating it in some even minor way, helps to cementthe progress. To support momentum. And perhap...
Oct 03, 2024•5 min•Ep. 301
Most podcasts don’t last as long as mine. Some recent statistics are available here: Podcastpage.io https://bit.ly/3THcApJ . Why have I been publishing every week for five and a half years?! I think it breaks down to three things. First, understanding conflict and helping people deal with it better is my passion -- and has been for decades. Second, the podcast gives me the opportunity to talk with amazing guests. Third, less modestly, I have been working as a conflict specialist, continually lea...
Sep 26, 2024•6 min•Ep. 300
Kristin Keffler joins me for this episode. Kristin is the author of The Myth of the Silver Spoon: Navigating Family Wealth & Creating an Impactful Life. We talk about Kristin’s personal, educational, and professional journeys – and how those threads come together to inform her writing and her work today, especially for Rising Gens in financially significant families. Kristin gives us a brief introduction to the discipline of positive psychology. And she shares a few words about the book she ...
Sep 19, 2024•31 min•Ep. 299
Last time, I talked about the alure of a common language. On the plus side, this shorthandsaves time. A common phrase conveys meaning quickly.When I use it, I demonstrate that I know the lingo of this group. We feel a sense of connection when we use our own group language. What could go wrong? A few things. What if some people are brand new to a group and don’t know the lingo? Will they feel unwelcome? Not sure about speaking up and saying, “I don’t understand”? What if the obvious meaning was c...
Sep 12, 2024•3 min•Ep. 298
Similar ideas expressed differently across groups/identities/fields of interest. Words that are familiar and well-understood within a group. That common language. Shorthand. Lingo. Jargon, even. Why do we do it? It saves time, that precious commodity. It can be a signifier: I understand the language of this group. And it reinforces our connection to each other within the group: this is the way that we talk. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about con...
Sep 05, 2024•3 min•Ep. 297
Douglas Squirrel joins me to talk about the book he co-authored with Jeffrey Frederick, Agile Conversations: Transform Your Conversations, Transform Your Culture. And we discuss an atypical definition of trust, five types of conversations, and what he means by this phrase: “bust your coherence”. You can learn more about the work that Squirrel (as he likes to be known) does and find resources here: https://douglassquirrel.com/ . You can learn more about the online community where tech and non-tec...
Aug 29, 2024•29 min•Ep. 296
LARA is a communication and conflict resolution method. Listen: First listen with the intention of truly understanding what the person is saying. Affirm: Find something in what the person has said or implied that you share and affirm that. Respond: Directly address the concern that was voiced or the feeling behind it. Ask open-ended questions and then add new information, new perspective or personal experience. These links have some concise information about LARA. https://www.eatrightillinois.or...
Aug 22, 2024•5 min•Ep. 295
Usually, we hear about too much of a good thing. Of course, we might not all agree on whether something even is a good thing. Three separate ideas have cropped up recently about our needing more of something that I, at least, believe is a good thing.More of what we don’t prefer, more polite disagreement, and more benefit of the doubt. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolut...
Aug 15, 2024•4 min•Ep. 294
Karen Valencic joins me to talk about Akido and conflict, power and force, and the new black belt edition of her book Spiral Impact: The Power to Get It Done with Grace. You can learn more about Karen and her work here: https://www.karenvalencic.com/ . Conflictmastery.com will take you to: https://www.karenvalencic.com/membership-site-optin . Find Karen’s profile here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenvalencic/ . Contact Karen directly here: karen@spiralimpact.com Do you have comments or suggest...
Aug 08, 2024•30 min•Ep. 293
Polarities represent an ongoing situation. They come in pairs. They are interdependent: you need them both, over time. Easy example: inhale and exhale. Harder: when two people see things differently and each one strongly prefers the pole opposite to the one the other person prefers. We can have a natural – initial – tendency to resist seeing polarities where they exist. When we embrace polarities – even if grudgingly at first – we can make real progress. Recognizing that both poles have benefits...
Aug 01, 2024•5 min•Ep. 292
Paraphrasing my most recent guest, Cathy Carroll: coaches work to have all the right questions, not all the right answers. But when this particular challenge is part of an ongoing relationship, it’s wise to focus on questions before jumping to answers. Asking yourself,what really matters here? What are my interests? My priorities? Is this issue deeply important to me? We often hear about the value of curiosity. Ask the other person. What are their ideas about this situation and how best to deal ...
Jul 25, 2024•4 min•Ep. 291
Cathy Carroll is a leadership coach specializing in family businesses. We talk about her brand-new book – the title says it all. Hug of War: How to Lead a Family Business With Both Love and Logic. You can learn more about Cathy’s work and her book here: https://www.legacyonward.com/. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com ! And you can learn more about me and my wo...
Jul 18, 2024•26 min•Ep. 290
Structure – of some kind – is an essential element of a model or framework. How would flexibility work without structure? I doubt that you would call it flexibility – the very word suggests a change from something. If there weren’t something solid to start, how could you change from it? It wouldn’t be flexibility then – just confusion, chaos, indecision, meandering, fog. But models, frameworks, processes provide the structure that flexibility requires. Structure without flexibility? That’s also ...
Jul 11, 2024•5 min•Ep. 289
Paul Edelman talks with me about how he works with clients to make more informed decisions, generating better results. We discuss his proprietary COImpact model, a process for better decision-making. Paul used his experience in a variety of settings to create the Context, Outcomes, Implications, and Action model – considering what he had seen to work well … and not so well. You can learn more about Paul’s work here: https://www.edelmancoaching.com/ You can email him here: paul@edelmancoaching.co...
Jul 04, 2024•29 min•Ep. 288
Our emotions affect the emotions of the person we are talking to in times of stress or conflict. It’s a two-way street. Wildly oversimplifying the neuroscience of it: when we are physically near each other, we are picking up on the hormones that the other person is experiencing. If only one of us steps aside from the negative emotions, it can have a positive effect on the other person. When I’m calmer, you are calmer. When you are calmer, I am calmer. You can think of it as breaking the negative...
Jun 27, 2024•4 min•Ep. 287
