We can easily think that our preferred way is superior. That’s not necessarily so and we can avoid negative conflict when we keep that in mind. Our own preferred way, the familiar way, the easy way, the default isn’t always better. Keeping that in mind can help us see conflict as good, not necessarily bad. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com ! And you can learn ...
Nov 14, 2019•5 min•Ep. 46
When our role is to welcome a person, and not to select, we would do well to remember that. It can be hard to keep our opinions to ourselves about the choices, especially personal ones, that someone else makes. Yet we can avoid unnecessary, and often futile, negative conflict when we do. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com ! And you can learn more about me and m...
Nov 07, 2019•5 min•Ep. 45
The so-called soft issues are the human ones –those that can keep caring family members awake at night. When advisors to wealthy families focus only on the “hard” issues – investment returns, tax strategies, and other purely financial concerns – they may fall short on client service. Susan discusses a more comprehensive approach to addressing issues that truly matter to these families. Susan mentions a “single family office”. According to Investopedia: “Family offices are private wealth manageme...
Oct 31, 2019•27 min•Ep. 44
In October 2018, I started to learn how to produce and host a podcast, and the Crafting Solutions to Conflict launchpad was built. My original idea evolved to one that would allow me to share some of the useful tips I have learned over the years, the insights of interesting guests, and a few observations on topics about conflict. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions....
Oct 24, 2019•6 min•Ep. 43
Every year, The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) celebrates Conflict Resolution Day. This year it’s on October 17th. ACR is an international, professional organization enhancing the practice and public understanding of conflict resolution. Members include mediators, arbitrators, educators and other conflict resolution practitioners. ACR’s Vision: All people know their choices for conflict resolution. ACR’s Mission: ACR gives voice to the choices for quality conflict resolution. Do you h...
Oct 17, 2019•5 min•Ep. 42
Through his two businesses, Jamie Forbes brings empathy and trust to the forefront of his work, encouraging communication and healing. We spoke mostly about his work with Forbes Legacy Advisors, Jamie helps families align values and priorities with how they use their money. https://forbeslegacyadvisors.com/ Through Hadley Rock Advisors, Jamie helps schools and survivors navigate the challenges that come with sexual misconduct investigations. https://hadleyrock.com/ You can reach Jamie at jforbes...
Oct 10, 2019•23 min•Ep. 41
We tend to hesitate to address conflict, but there are important advantages to taking the plunge. If we care about the relationship, we don’t want negative conflict to start, to escalate, or to continue. We really can’t do much to get the other person to make the first move, but we can control our own behavior. And, who knows, maybe you will find you are fascinated by conflict, as I am. If so, we should connect – there aren’t many of us! Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest...
Oct 03, 2019•6 min•Ep. 40
Making a commitment to address a conflict together is an important, and often overlooked, step in a conflict resolution process. A commitment to work together reduces the stress of the conflict, establishes some common ground and a first agreement, provides some momentum when the going gets tough, and demonstrates that you value the relationship. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dov...
Sep 26, 2019•5 min•Ep. 39
Scott Perry is the person behind the Creative on Purpose community, newsletter, blog, broadcast, and coaching program. Scott captures the flavor of his work succinctly. The Creative on Purpose Vision & Mission: Vision - Creative on Purpose makes things better by helping aspiring and advancing difference-makers enhance their lives through endeavors that elevate the lives of others. Mission - Creative on Purpose encourages and enables those ready to lean in and contribute to making things bett...
Sep 19, 2019•26 min•Ep. 38
A few simple ideas can help minimize the risk of conflict over an estate: get professional help, avoid misleading your loved ones, and use common sense. Last time, I talked about some of the late Aretha Franklin’s estate planning blunders. All of us can benefit from working with a competent lawyer. If we feel we can’t bring ourselves to inform loved ones about our estate plan, we can at least avoid misleading them. And – as in all things – we can use common sense and follow the applicable rules....
Sep 12, 2019•6 min•Ep. 37
Even the best estate planning doesn’t guarantee prevention of all conflict over an estate. But some actions and inactions can significantly increase the risk that conflict will break out. Aretha Franklin was an outstanding musician and a lousy estate planner. She nearly guaranteed that her family would fight over her estate by refusing to work with attorneys to create a plan, allowing her loved ones to believe that she had left no will, and creating three wills of questionable validity that were...
Sep 05, 2019•6 min•Ep. 36
Carolyn Wilkes Kaas, Esq., Co-director, Quinnipiac University School of Law Center on Dispute Resolution, discusses the Center’s comprehensive and creative perspective on dispute resolution. Carrie is also Associate Professor of Law and recently became Associate Dean of Experiential Education, a reflection of the Law School’s commitment to that teaching philosophy. The Center’s innovative approach to law is clear from its mission and vision statements. Mission: “To partner with diverse communiti...
Aug 29, 2019•29 min•Ep. 35
As William Ury has phrased it: “Try to expand the pie before you divvy it up.” When a potentially damaging conflict is about dividing resources, think creatively about how big the pie can be. Getting to Yes, a bedrock book in the world of conflict resolution, was published by Roger Fisher and William Ury in 1981. It is filled with ideas and suggestions related to finding effective ways to reach agreements. One concept set out there is the idea that the “pie” we first envision might become bigger...
Aug 22, 2019•6 min•Ep. 34
Although we value speed in many contexts, hitting the pause button can serve us well in managing conflict. We can benefit from taking a breather in an ongoing attempt to address a conflict, from thinking deliberately about when to raise a difficult issue, and when stopping for a moment before spewing a snarky comment or reacting instinctively to a statement that pushes our own hot button. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or...
Aug 15, 2019•5 min•Ep. 33
Steve Legler, family legacy advisor, shares his insights as a facilitator, mediator, and coach. Steve is based in Montreal. He has a personal perspective on family enterprise transitions and a commitment to education to help him serve families effectively. You can learn more about Steve, his books, and his blog at his website: https://shiftyourfamilybusiness.com/about/ Steve is on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/steve-legler-259065a/. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic ...
Aug 08, 2019•30 min•Ep. 32
: Embracing collaboration, creativity, and compassion allows us to handle conflict more effectively. The Purposeful Planning Institute (PPI) held its annual Rendezvous in Denver, Colorado last week. In a keynote address, founder John A. Warnick spoke of the value of Collaboration, Creativity, and Compassion as cornerstones of the work that PPI members do. Those three ideas can also be effective tools, taken together, for addressing conflict effectively. You can learn more about PPI at www.purpos...
Aug 01, 2019•6 min•Ep. 31
Publishing my 30th episode is a marker and a cause for celebration. I started to learn to host and produce a podcast in fall, 2018. The Podcasting Fellowship was a great experience. I published a trailer in December, 2018 and then began publishing weekly in January, 2019. It’s a blast. Podcaster Joanna Penn has been at it for 10 years. I heard her anniversary episode in March, in which she spoke of the 30th published episode as an indicator that a podcaster is committed. The idea stuck with me. ...
Jul 25, 2019•7 min•Ep. 30
Andrew Karlen, Esq., provides counsel to serve the legal and human needs of his client business owners. Business owners should be clear about their ultimate business goals as early as possible, and put those goals in writing. They should plan for a business exit that allows them to achieve their financial, family, and community goals – recognizing that the implementation of the plans they make with a collaborative team of advisors will likely take much more time than the planning itself will. An...
Jul 18, 2019•29 min•Ep. 29
Bad conflict (the damaging, anything-but-creative kind) happens. Knee-jerk reactions don’t help. When enmeshed in a bad conflict, it can be tempting to hunt for someone to blame. That’s not always useful. Think about what may have caused the problem (objective causes? subjective causes?) and then carefully consider your next steps.
Jul 11, 2019•6 min•Ep. 28
Declarations in interpersonal relationships, such as ultimatums, can do unexpected lasting damage. Ultimatums, threats, and lines in the sand are hard to walk back, can cause a loss of face, and can lead to stalemate. It’s smart to think through the risks and rewards or the costs and benefits of declarations – before issuing them. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions...
Jul 04, 2019•6 min•Ep. 27
Dr. Vanessa Avery shares insights on religious diversity training, conflict in religion, and her role as Consulting Director to the Sharing Sacred Spaces Initiative (SSSI). Vanessa shares her academic and professional path, including her interest in René Girard, the late French historian, literary critic, philosopher of social science, and author of Violence and the Sacred. Her work with SSSI has a tangible effect on those who participate in the program. Vanessa’s other work, including religious...
Jun 27, 2019•29 min•Ep. 26
Approaching conflict with authenticity may seem difficult. Even if it is, it’s usually worth it. Perhaps the biggest advantage of authenticity is avoiding its opposite. And that’s because fake frequently fails. People usually know when the other person is not being genuine and resent it, even more than the genuine disagreement. Being authentic allows everyone involved to engage and move forward.
Jun 20, 2019•5 min•Ep. 25
The phrase “yes, and” sends a different message from “yes, but”. “Yes, and” can lead to further discussion instead of rejection. The “yes, and” phrase comes from theater improvisation, where a statement is affirmed (yes) and then built upon (and). The same concept can apply in discussions about ideas and suggestions: instead of rejecting them with a list of their shortcomings (“yes, but”), acknowledge the ideas and work together on them. It’s the best kind of conflict: ideas that clash -- and al...
Jun 13, 2019•5 min•Ep. 24
Rogério Faé Rodrigues, currently a visiting scholar in the U.S., talks about helping enterprising families, in the U.S. and in his native Brazil. Rogério describes his work, as one of the founders of Une Consultoria, as a being a facilitator as much as a consultant: helping families to decide and implement what is best for that family. He noted that “there is no way of doing succession by imposition” (a valuable insight on avoiding damaging conflict). He also named dialogue as “the most valuable...
Jun 06, 2019•28 min•Ep. 23
Managing conflicting memories of a past event can be essential to preventing and undoing damage in interpersonal conflicts. At times, it’s possible to have a civil conversation about those conflicting memories. In other cases, it’s best to agree to disagree and move on. Managing the potential damage to the valued relationship is the key. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailreso...
May 30, 2019•6 min•Ep. 22
Cookie cutters are great for making cookies: quick, easy, and uniform. Not so great for interpersonal conflicts. Cookie dough responds well to cookie cutters when all the conditions are consistent – that’s the idea! Humans aren’t consistent; we’re human. So, human interactions don’t respond well to a cookie cutter approach to conflict resolution. A solution crafted to address a particular conflict and, perhaps even better, a careful look at conflict management will serve humans more effectively....
May 23, 2019•4 min•Ep. 21
Louise Duncan, Managing Director of TetraMap International, in Auckland, NZ, described the framework’s key concept that “Strength lies in valuing differences”. Facilitators use a process that allows individuals to discover their own elemental preferences in the world of nature: earth, air, water, and fire. Louise recommended: “The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth” by Amy C. Edmonson. Learn more and contact Louise through h...
May 16, 2019•31 min•Ep. 20
The tragic fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris demonstrated the value of having a plan and testing it as a way to reduce conflict and mitigate damage. The Fire Department devoted more than one hundred firefighters to rescuing artifacts in the cathedral. The plan identified key people and priorities. And it had been practice, on site, twice last year. These steps were essential in minimizing the impact of the fire.
May 09, 2019•6 min•Ep. 19
The tragic fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris highlighted some positive lessons to reduce conflict and mitigate damage. Control what you can. Adopt the good, though not perfect, solution. Start the process of improving a proposed plan, with a goal and a timeframe.
May 02, 2019•5 min•Ep. 18
From life in an intentional community with his young family to his current passion as a patient-caregiver activist, Danny van Leeuwen, aka Health Hats, has had an appreciation for governance. Good governance can greatly reduce the likelihood of damaging conflict, and allow solutions to conflict to be crafted when needed. Danny has understood the importance of rules for a community to follow and the need to have a fair process to create -- and, when appropriate, to change -- those rules from the ...
Apr 25, 2019•28 min•Ep. 17
