Last time, I talked about the virtue of making a plan. The situation isn’t good. Bad conflict is brewing. You have decided that it’s time for a chat. You want this chat to be productive. So how do you set up for success? One way to work through the set-up is to break it down. Why? Who? When? How? Where? What? Excellent. You have made a plan. A good one. Oops. As plans do, this one is about to fall apart. Something – or a few things – have changed. Now what? You can use the same approach to figur...
Aug 14, 2025•4 min•Ep. 347
Let’s imagine for a moment that you have decided that it’s time for a conversation, chat, or discussion. One way to work through the set-up is to break it down. Why? Who? When? How? Where? What? Giving careful thought to the planning process gives a boost to the probability of success. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com ! And you can learn more about me and my ...
Aug 07, 2025•4 min•Ep. 346
We send a message by the language we use. In my work, some people don’t want to engage in mediation because they feel the connotation is too negative. But they are comfortable with the idea that I would be that trained, impartial third person who helps them navigate their way to a resolution. If that language works for them, it’s fine by me. In informal settings, without a third party, what do you say when you want to broach a topic that might be challenging? Can we chat? Are you open to a conve...
Jul 31, 2025•4 min•Ep. 345
Chuck Wisner joins me to talk about his book, The Art of Conscious Conversations: Transforming how we talk, listen, and interact. We discuss four conversations that help us become conscious of our internal and external dialogue. And how four essential questions can expose our hidden – and often harmful – internal thoughts, assumptions, and judgments. You can learn more about Chuck and his work here: https://www.chuckwisner.com/ . You can find him on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chu...
Jul 24, 2025•29 min•Ep. 344
Here’s a quote from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life, that sums up Connecting Compassionately With Ourselves: “When we are internally violent towards ourselves, it is difficult to be genuinely compassionate towards others.” To exercise self-compassion we can evaluate ourselves in ways that promote growth instead of self-hatred. When we have been less than perfect, we can focus on a desire to enrich life for ourselves and others rather than to shame or g...
Jul 17, 2025•5 min•Ep. 343
Dr. Marshall Rosenberg developed the concept of Nonviolent Communication – or NVC. His book, Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life, begins with this quote, capturing the fundamental premise of NVC: “What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.” Specific forms of language are identified as alienating us from our natural state of compassion, including moralistic judgments, making comparisons, and denying responsibility. Do y...
Jul 10, 2025•4 min•Ep. 342
Ruschelle Khanna joins me to talk about her book, Inherited Trauma and Family Wealth: A Guide to Heal Your Relationships and Build a Lasting Legacy. We talk about her work as a family therapist and the four pillars of her ECHO Legacy Manifesto: Effective Communication, Compassionate Decision-Making, Honoring Resources, and Openness to Receive. You can learn more about Ruschelle, the book, and her work here: https://www.lifestyleforlegacy.com/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or ...
Jul 03, 2025•25 min•Ep. 341
Two weeks ago, I published a conversation with Russell Harvey. We talked about his work and, specifically, his belief that resilience can mean more than simply bouncing back but springing forward – with learning. He brought up the idea of building on your strengths. Fundamentally, we are likely to be doing something well. Quite a few episodes ago, I talked about playing to your strengths. Now, with Russell’s inspiration, I encourage you to not only recognize your strengths, but to build on them....
Jun 26, 2025•3 min•Ep. 340
My most recent guest, Russell Harvey, talked with me about resilience. In fact, he defines resilience this way: “Resilience is the ability to cope with life’s challenges and become stronger as a result.” What if we apply that definition specifically to interpersonal conflicts? A viewpoint that we can improve our “ability to cope with life’s conflicts and become stronger as a result”, to echo Russell’s words. I would say that it’s worth a try. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or ...
Jun 19, 2025•4 min•Ep. 339
Russell Harvey joins me to talk about a new way to view resilience. Not just bouncing back, but springing forward with learning. I learn about Russell’s Resilience Wheel, a framework featuring seven different areas – each important individually and as they interact with each other. You can learn more about Russell’s work and see The Resilience Wheel at his website: https://www.theresiliencecoach.co.uk/ You can find Russel on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/russelltheresiliencecoach/ D...
Jun 12, 2025•28 min•Ep. 338
We all want to be heard. In some cases, there is confusion about whether a voice is the same as a vote. It’s not necessarily so. Why allow the voice? That voice may have a different and valuable perspective. That voice may become a vote in the future and it’s wise to cultivate what can be gained by participation. That voice will not need to grumble underground in a negative way if it can be spoken out loud. Just as a voice is not a vote, it’s not a veto. If there is a temptation to shut down a v...
Jun 05, 2025•4 min•Ep. 337
Many conversations over time, with no thought of them ever being “completed” contribute to connection. The repeated touch points keep us linked. When we are connected, we create and cultivate a foundation. We create a common ground of shared experience. None of this is to say that we will experience a mind meld. We may hold different views that are difficult to reconcile. Disagreements are a part of life. But when I know more about you, even little things, I know you better. I know where your so...
May 29, 2025•4 min•Ep. 336
Steve Legler joins me for a return visit. Steve was an early guest, in Episode 32 back on August 7, 2019. Today we talk about the value of moving away from the concept of one big, multi-hour conversation on an important topic toward ongoing bite-sized conversations. I appreciate Steve’s work and value his friendship. As you will hear, Steve was kind enough to be willing to record this episode when my voice wasn’t at its best. You can learn more about Steve’s work and sign up for the blogs and ne...
May 22, 2025•31 min•Ep. 335
We may be well aware that an unpleasant conflict is brewing – perhaps simmering but not yet exploding. We can dread an explosion. Or an explosion may have occurred. We can dread what comes next. Dread won’t help us. Anticipation will. Anticipating by being as ready as we can be. Then, knowing that, facing whatever comes with as much calm and confidence as we can muster. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolutio...
May 15, 2025•3 min•Ep. 334
One of my favorite new words is, of all things, disrespect, used as a verb. It’s not the same as a mere lack of respect. It’s more intense, more direct, and … more offensive. We can feel disrespected when that wasn’t the intention. Especially now when so much of life can seem fraught, we can jump to feeling disrespected in a heartbeat. Plus the reverse: we can look, speak, write, and behave in a way that radiates disrespect. We can slow down and not leap to conclusions about someone else’s inten...
May 08, 2025•4 min•Ep. 333
You can learn more about Kristen and her company on the company website: https://www.inthreegenerations.com/ You can also find them on LinkedIn and Instagram. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com ! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebe...
May 01, 2025•29 min•Ep. 332
Last time, I talked about how each of us can find different methods for calming our own emotions. I have talked before about thinking through how to support the other person engaged with you in a challenging conversation to be their best self. Just like you, -- it’s true for all of us – they will be better able to analyze the situation and to make better decisions when they are calm. So, what do you do about it? What you don’t do is tell them to be calm. More likely to irritate than soothe. What...
Apr 24, 2025•4 min•Ep. 331
I thank Cinnie Noble, who created the CINERGY conflict management model in which I am certified, for sparking this idea. In her most recent talk with certified coaches, Cinnie reminded us about the importance of allowing – and helping – brains to calm down. When emotions are carrying the day, our ability to analyze a situation effectively and to make good decisions is compromised. We are simply not at our best. Conflict often feels like chaos to us. And chaos allows emotions to come to the fore....
Apr 17, 2025•3 min•Ep. 330
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch joins me. We talk about her book, In the Company of Family: How to Thrive When Business is Personal. Melissa shares some thought-provoking concepts about healthy boundaries that apply to family business relationships and truly any kind of relationship. Ideas about responsibility, hurt vs. harm, and true guilt vs. false guilt. You can learn more about Melissa’s work here: https://melissamitchellblitch.com/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea...
Apr 10, 2025•29 min•Ep. 329
In my latest three solo episodes, I’ve talked about watching our spoken language, our facial and body language, and our written language. Often, we will have a choice about what mode of communication to pursue. It’s worth some careful thought. If we take advantage of the opportunity to carefully craft and review what we write, that’s a plus. Sometimes, our tone of voice and our facial and body expressions can soften a blow, express kindness in a way that is harder to do with written language alo...
Apr 03, 2025•4 min•Ep. 328
We can carefully draft a message, set it aside, and then calmly review it to determine whether we like how it reads to someone receiving it. Because that is the point, isn’t it? Our own satisfaction with our wordsmithing is far less important than the message received. Written language has a different risk from spoken language: our words can be shared, verbatim, immediately or eventually. Photocopies, scans, forwarded emails, copied texts. A reply to you, including your original message, with a ...
Mar 27, 2025•4 min•Ep. 327
Amy Castoro joins me to explore the concept of cordial hypocrisy. What it means and how families can avoid it – including the importance of creating, and cultivating, a family culture of open and honest communication. You can learn more about Amy’s work here: https://www.thewilliamsgroup.org/ . Or you can reach out to Amy’s assistant here: joan@thewilliamsgroup.org . Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? ...
Mar 20, 2025•29 min•Ep. 326
Last time, I talked about spoken language. This time it’s body language and facial language. You have likely heard that a very large percentage of our communication is not spoken. Some slips are things you know you shouldn’t do. Let’s focus on what to do about that. Do you know that you are doing it? Try this. When you are talking on the phone with someone who can try your patience, watch yourself in a mirror. Not while driving, please. But look and notice your face, your shoulders, and more. Ar...
Mar 13, 2025•5 min•Ep. 325
Without much thought, we can use words and phrases that subtly or strongly convey meaning – and do unnecessary harm. A” blended family” is more positive than a “stepfamily”. “Always” and “never” are words that frequently cause harm (and are often inaccurate). “I” statements can lead to more positive conversations than accusatory ones. Vague words like “you” and “soon” invite trouble. These examples aren’t meant to be exhaustive, but to illustrate how we can pay more attention to the words that w...
Mar 06, 2025•4 min•Ep. 324
Emily Bouchard combines her academic learning, professional experience, and personal awareness to serve blended families. We talk about reframing stepfamilies to blended families, ex-partners to former partners, and bonus parents – examples of the importance of careful language and intentional communication to enable families to thrive. And we hear a taste of Emily’s work with humans connecting with horses in transformational retreats. Emily mentions her book, Beginner’s Guide to Purposeful Pren...
Feb 27, 2025•28 min•Ep. 323
A false start in a conflict situation can appear in different ways. We can create a conflict where none existed or when we make a good faith attempt to resolve a conflict. Of course, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. A concept so fundamental that it was the focus of Episode 11, way back on March 13, 2019. But if a false start has occurred, remember and take advantage of the fact of the false start – emphasis on “start”. So, let’s start over. If you made an honest mistake, try an o...
Feb 20, 2025•5 min•Ep. 322
There is widespread agreement that the phrase comes from a military engagement, though which one is the original is less clear. Fundamentally, what is the cost to take that hill, to hold the high ground. Then weighing it against the advantage. In interpersonal conflict, we can benefit by going through that analysis explicitly and thoughtfully. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@doveta...
Feb 13, 2025•4 min•Ep. 321
The general idea of Community Mediation is that trained volunteers work on neighbor disputes. The volunteer mediators are impartial. This approach can keep disputes out of court. And that’s the most common understanding of it. But community mediation can be much more. First, the individuals in a specific mediated dispute can experience a way to address disagreements and conflict beyond just hating a neighbor or getting the police involved, in one way or another. Many settings beyond neighborhood...
Feb 06, 2025•5 min•Ep. 320
Maria Arpa joins me to talk about her journey from a very challenging childhood to a mission to help families, organizations, and communities find effective solutions to problems. Maria is the creator of The Dialogue Road Map, which she uses in her own work. And it is critical to the deep engagement of the social change charity she created, the London-based Centre for Peaceful Solutions. Learn more about the Centre here: https://centreforpeacefulsolutions.org/ . And about her own professional wo...
Jan 30, 2025•28 min•Ep. 319
Mediation is a flexible process. What matters is what works for the people involved and the mediator. That the people in conflict are in control of the outcome. That the mediator is impartial. That the people in conflict are treated equally. And that anything said in confidence to the mediator stays in confidence. Think about mediation creatively and expansively. It’s a good fit in many circumstances of conflict. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question abo...
Jan 23, 2025•4 min•Ep. 318
