The Chill Pill

Soulful Synthesis . That's so cool . I love it . Yeah , it's fun . It's a picture of me when I was a little girl on it , so you can't miss that .

When I was ghosted by my friend , I had a lot more time for myself and I decided to be really intentional on how I used the time , because in the past this friendship took up a lot of like literal time and space .

I was commuting to see her be with her family and when she cut me out of her life it was kind of shocking , it was jarring , and all of a sudden I had , like what felt kind of like extra time , and so I chose to make that me time and I used it to heal and reflect on what I really wanted in my future friendships and all my relationships .

So healing isn't just about time that's passing by Like . It's like it could be a year from now and I could be in the same place after the day I was ghosted . But I decided to use the time to do activities that would help me in my mind and heart to feel better .

So I , for example , went to therapy and I did meditations and I did things that would help me to relax .

So here are some things that I think are important to remember , and it's they're always the first things I say to new members of my Facebook group , and I don't even know how many times I've said this on the podcast , but I think it's always important to hear . Being ghosted isn't personal , it's not your fault . You didn't deserve it .

You can move forward and feel better . Time alone won't heal you . It's what you do with the time . You know . In the Facebook group called Coping with Ghosting , it's free , it's private . We all come in with different stories .

Some people have been ghosted by friends , family , coworkers , some in romance , and the purpose of the group is to come together as one , motivating and healing and inspiring each other . So if you haven't joined it , I encourage you , just click the link in the show notes . Joined it . I encourage you , just click the link in the show notes .

And I know that this healing process isn't easy , but I want you to know that you can do it . So , just like if you were grieving somebody who's passed away , this is a time to treat yourself with love , to take breaks , to rest . It can be exhausting , but just keep in mind that you're whole , worthy complete without your ghost .

You are important , you're special . You deserve respect and care from yourself and other people . You deserve respect and care from yourself and other people . And even after you've been ghosted , please remember that you can still experience healthy relationships with people who are honest and communicative , trustworthy and loving .

And after being ghosted , it was hard for me to open my heart again , but I chose to slowly trust people again and it paid off and I'm walking proof that you can do this . So not everyone will ghost you . Not everyone is a ghost . Make sure that you're intentional on who you're surrounding yourself with , people who are valuing your presence .

After we're ghosted , it's really important and helpful to reflect on the relationship you have with yourself as well . So , like , what words are you saying to yourself ? Are they kind , are they empathetic , are they truthful ? I encourage you to be gentle with the way you're speaking to yourself .

In fact , Estee and I recorded a whole episode about this , called Move Forward After being Ghosted Positive Self-Talk with Estee K .

, which I'll link to in the show notes as well , and this is really important because I used to beat myself up about being ghosted and I'd ruminate on every single microscopic detail of the relationship and it was pointless and I thought things like if only I'd done this , if only I'd done that , they would have stayed , and I was my harshest critic and these

thoughts were super stressful and unhelpful . So , as my former podcast guest , lauren Josephine says , the person ghosted you because of who they are , not because of who you are . So please be kind to yourself and have self-compassion for anything you need during this time and feel your feelings and allow them to flow .

Your confusion , your fears , insecurities , angers are information that allow you to get in touch with what's going on within yourself and help you become more self-aware . So honor how you feel and remember that all the thoughts you're having are not facts , and trust your ability to rebuild a stronger sense of self .

You deserve a life filled with joy , ease and pleasure and , no matter what you're going through , you can heal .

But where I am now doesn't negate where I could be in the future and it doesn't change anything else . That's happened . Where I am is perfectly okay and it's actually at the right moment in time . So honor that , even if you're feeling low and incomplete or you have your fears and insecurities , that this is simply where you are right now .

It is not where you're feeling low and incomplete or you have your fears and insecurities . That this is simply where you are right now . It is not where you're going to be forever and then take it one step at a time .

How do you plan on filling the time differently ? Is there something that you really love to do or that you really want to do but you haven't done ? Is there something you've been putting off because you didn't feel like you had the time ? Well , now's the time .

So I think anything you wanted to try or experience or things , maybe when you were younger you wanted to do , but you just felt like you've been involved in different work , life or relationships , whatever it is . This is the time , I mean , if you have it like , really dig deep , fill it with all the things that you deserve .

And I know and I know a lot of listeners have this same issue that when I was ghosted , it felt like everything was happening all at once , like it was just a tsunami , like this happened , and then this happened and then I was ghosted , and then my dog got sick and all these things just one thing after the next . It was overwhelming .

Being ghosted is overwhelming and I've suffered from burnout and I know , estee , you've suffered from burnout as well .

So , for example , a glimmer in my life would be seeing a really big , bright rainbow in the sky . It's just wow , like a wow moment for me .

I think glimmers are really important to remember that they're more like cues for yourself internally that triggers some kind of emotional response in a positive way . So anything , anything at all , it could be little or big . I know someone used to think about like a litter of puppies would help them because they're so stinking cute .

Or if you love the color pink , or if you love having a coffee in the morning and that memory or the thinking of the smell of coffee is the thing that does it for you , then that could be your glimmer .

And they're so helpful because it's not only just an easy way to relax but it's also neurologically a really great way to calm you down , in a sense that you're actually triggering healthy hormones that are going to help you feel better neurologically . So it's a great way to actually give yourself .

It's like having a cup of tea or getting a warm hug on an emotional level and I think , especially after being dosed , there's such a fragile feeling that you have being in such a fragile state , that this is such a great way of you know , helping you feel more whole and bringing you together and closer to yourself . So you've asked this before .

But like , what are your glimmers ? What are things that get you brightened up and feeling excited and grateful ? Brightened up and feeling excited and grateful .

So I was just thinking of a list , just like there's so many things , but one is okay . Definitely , puppies . Yes , okay For me , like I , my favorite Instagram dogs , my favorite influencer dogs , lulu and friends . They're dachshunds .

In the Netherlands they just had puppies and every morning I wake up just to look at the puppies on Instagram , which is kind of ridiculous . But one day they didn't post and I was kind of sad . But yeah , basically that , and also just seeing all the greenery . Right now I'm visiting Massachusetts and there's just so much green here . It's gorgeous .

I can't even I see it and I never want to leave . And , yeah , I just looking up at the sky , watching the clouds , that kind of thing , or bodies of waters and hummingbirds , hummingbirds I love hummingbirds .

This is also essentially like a gratitude practice , too , which is such a beautiful way to connect .

If you've been ghosted , it's important to focus on yourself and prioritize your self-care , and that's why I'm all about therapy Because , regardless of whether you have a clinical mental health issue like depression or anxiety , or if you're just navigating life's obstacles , therapy can give you tools to approach your life in a different way , and that's why I'm excited to

tell you about today's sponsor , betterhelp . Betterhelp's mission is to make therapy more affordable and accessible , and this is important because finding a therapist can be tough , especially when you're limited to the options in your area .

Betterhelp is a platform that makes finding a therapist easier , because it's online , it's remote and by filling out a few questions , betterhelp can match you to a professional therapist in as little as a few days . It's easy to sign up and get matched with a therapist . There's a link in my show notes . It's betterhelp . com/ copingwithghosting .

Clicking that link supports my podcast , but it also gets you 10% off your first month of BetterHelp so you can connect with a therapist and see if it helps you , and because finding a therapist can be challenging .

If you don't really fit with that therapist which is a common theme with therapy you can easily switch to a new therapist at no additional cost , without stressing about insurance or who's in your network .

After being ghosted , therapy helped me better understand that it had nothing to do with what I said or what I did in the relationship or even what I looked like . Going to therapy taught me how to choose people who were choosing me . So if you're struggling , consider online therapy with BetterHelp . Click the link in the show notes or visit betterhelpcom .

Slash coping with ghosting . That's BetterHelp . Click the link in the show notes or visit betterhelpcom . Slash coping with ghosting . That's BetterHelp . H-e-l-pcom slash coping with ghosting . Thanks , betterhelp , for supporting my podcast .

Laughter is another really important way to reduce stress and cortisol levels . To reduce stress and cortisol levels , can we talk about funny things that happened to us recently ? I have one to share . I don't even know how to explain this , but I'll try my best .

So I was on a little walk here in Massachusetts around the place I'm visiting , and I turned a corner and I stopped because I looked down and I saw this beaver staring up at me with this shocked expression like oh , who are you ?

And I was like on the phone at the same time and I was telling my friend , oh my gosh , oh my gosh , I can't believe it . I just saw a beaver . That was so unexpected . And somebody in the complex opened their door and said oh , and if you think that's clearly they were listening in on my conversation .

This lady said oh , if you think that's bad , be careful . I would just stay away from this side of the complex because there's a bobcat on the loose . Oh my gosh . And so I was freaking out . But I was like I'm going to still take my walk and talk to my friends . So I'm going to still take my walk and talk to my friends .

So I'm going to keep on going and I I Google what to do if you see a bobcat , because I'm freaking out .

And then , when I get to the other side of the complex , I see the trash area and it has a white ticket fence around it , but through the white fence I could see the shadow of a bobcat going into one of the dumpsters , like climbing all over and going into the dumpster . And I know that people constantly go over to those bins to throw away their trash .

And luckily it is there's a fence around it . So I kind of decided to do a stakeout . I was like I am going to be a good Samaritan , I'm going to protect whoever is going up to those trash cans because of this bobcat . And I sat there and I was like oh , you know what ?

I'm going to make a YouTube video of this , because this is exactly the type of content that goes viral , like when people see these crazy wild animal situations . Like right . So I was like okay . So I sat there on the grass like I don't know , 30 feet away from Bobcat area and it was just going to town in that little dumpster .

And here I was narrating like I can't believe it , I'm finally having a wildlife incident , like I'm not the kind of person that goes outside and sees a dinosaur or finds bones or whatever . Like this is so exciting for me .

And so finally , like five minutes later , a man drives up to the trash to take his trash out and I was like , hey , the trash to take his trash out . And I was like , hey , there's a bobcat in there . And he's like , well , okay , are you going to call 911 ? Or are you going to call animal control ?

And I'm like no , and he's like okay , and he kind of looks annoyed with me , but I'm like I just wanted to tell you so you don't get eaten alive . And so he bravely walks up to the white picket fence and he rattles it . And meanwhile there's another man walking over with his trash too . So there's two guys and I'm like really worried for them .

And both of them start cracking up and they're like , whoa , that's a big raccoon . And the guy's like , oh , that's just trash , panda , it's not a bobcat . And I'm like , oh , my gosh , I'm so glad I'm anonymous here , because I thought the whole time it was a scary bobcat , but it was a raccoon . And now I look like a fool and I just walked away .

I was like , okay , walk away anonymously . Nobody knows you , nobody knows that I just had this big . But it's like she said bobcat . And then , honestly , the shadow really did look like a bobcat .

I got a good laugh out of that though , so maybe all the listeners did too .

I was walking to a cafe and I was crossing the street and there was these flock of pigeons I suppose they're a flock and they were all kind of hanging about pecking the ground .

There was nothing on the ground and I started walking forward but then this pigeon kind of like beelined for where I was walking towards and I looked at this pigeon and I call all pigeons Fred , I don't really know why . No offense to Fred the name , it's not an offensive thing , I just that's the name that came to mind .

So I looked at this pigeon and I was like okay , so I kind of stomped so it would fly away , but it didn't . It just kept like flying in place , like bouncing where I was going , and it was like hopping and following me . So I'm playing .

You see me just doing this like dance move with a pigeon , I kid you not , for probably like a minute I was walking um with my boyfriend actually and he was a little bit behind me .

But I swear I was doing this like dance with this pigeon where they kept like you know , walking to where I'm walking , but you know how they they kind of do this movement with their head , like the cocking your head back and forth kind of a thing . So I was just laughing because this pigeon is just like waddling towards me and following me everywhere .

And I think it's because I may have had , or my boyfriend had , like peanuts with him or something where I was like maybe you're smelling some kind of nuts or something . But but I'm like I finally stepped away from the pigeon after some people came , like there was this guy . Actually .

They came in a scooter and just like went straight for the flock of pigeons and I thought , okay , great , I'm just going to run now . I was never here , nobody ever saw this .

You know , it was one of those feelings of I was in my own world and everyone else was going about their day , probably thinking here I am having this dance with a Fred and I have no that's really funny .

And it was a zoom and like everybody was muted whenever somebody told a funny story and we just all . It was just . It was probably the silliest thing ever .

One thing that was really helpful I'm a Pinterest fan so you can always search up really funny videos like of dogs doing funny things or like little little kids with animals or I don't know doing funny things or like little little kids with animals or I don't know . You could probably YouTube like funniest scenes of all time .

I just you just have to watch it .

I'll put on headphones , I'll listen to some instrumental music and I'll just walk around . Um , frankly , that really calms me down . I also do a lot of meditations . A lot of it is just listening to calming music . Um , in the winter time I would actually listen to birds chirping . In the wintertime I would actually listen to birds chirping .

Or , if you've ever heard whale sounds , ocean sounds those are really peaceful and those would help me relax . I also think sometimes having no music and just cooking or being in your space with some silence is helpful .

If you find your mind racing , which my mind tends to do sometimes , I always find listening to something that's going to offset it , but not like a punk rock song or like pop music or not like my usuals , but a lot more that , something that's just going to have me distracted , but in a healthy way . You know what I mean .

Yeah , what are some of your ways that you relax .

What would a really loving , nurturing , caring caretaker say to my little self ? Then I try to act like that .

So if you haven't gotten it , now's your chance to go grab it today . It will pair really well with this episode , yeah .

This is going to require you to close your eyes , so we wouldn't want you to be in any danger , so please be mindful of what you're doing currently . If you are able to find a comfortable seated position , or if you're dozing off to sleep and you're able to lay down , I encourage you to find a really comfortable space .

Whatever you need to do to get comfortable , please find that place for you . The intention here is to help you feel calm . Whatever you may feel or whatever emotions come up for you during this meditation is valid and okay . Just allow it to simply be . This is a place for you to feel safe and the freedom to feel .

When you're ready , you're going to softly close your eyes and we're going to take three deep breaths with an open mouth exhale , breathe in through your nose to the count of three and out . Count to three and out . Count to three .

One more time in through your nose and exhale , exhale , last , calming , soft breath in through your nose and out through your mouth . You're going to imagine yourself in a meadow , going to travel there in your mind , walking through the soft , tall grass as your feet brush along its blades . Feel that beautiful , fresh grass , that smell .

You see a stream up ahead , big , sturdy , radiant tree . You look up and see the sun rays ever so subtly peeking through the leaves , radiating a warm , loving glow . As you bask in this feeling , you feel warm , you feel safe and you feel calm . Feel the meadow's tranquility , stay in this space for a little bit longer , breathe in the meadow's smells .

The sun is high in the sky , blowing and showering you with its radiance , sky blowing and showering you with its radiance . We're going to take a moment to give ourselves gratitude , say to yourself thank you for being here today , for giving yourself this moment , thank you , feel this gratitude Good .

And as you end this moment of gratitude , let's take three final deep breaths to slowly bring yourself back to the present moment Inhale , exhale , inhale and let it go . And last deep inhale and let deep inhale and let it go . Allow yourself and your breathing to return to any normal pace that feels comfortable to you .

As you do so , you begin to feel the surface beneath you , slowly wingling your fingers and toes , moving your body . If you feel called to do so , and when you're ready , you may open your eyes back to the present moment .

I hope this meditation has helped you feel calmer and more peaceful , and if you found yourself having fallen asleep to this and you're listening to this part later on , that's okay too . Our intention here is to help you feel peace in your heart . Thank you for your time and energy here . I love that . Thank you . I feel calmer . I felt calmer saying it too .

I think it's really important . Meditation has been such an instrumental part in my healing journey from being ghosted as well , so I'm very grateful to be a part of this .