**We have lots of exciting announcements (including 2024 event tickets), read all about them HERE ** Egodystonic. Enmeshment. Sense-of-self. Differentiation. These words and the ideas they represent can be unfamiliar and even downright intimidating when you first start listening to Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s podcasts and courses--it can sometimes feel like learning an entirely new language! But, as with learning any new language, the more you immerse yourself by listening and learning, the more clear ...
Dec 12, 2023•47 min
**Download the Finlayson-Fife App HERE !** As distressing as midlife can feel sometimes, it's a season full of potential. It’s the time when, if all goes well, we start to realize that our attempts to earn our value and prove our lovability to others have been not only been exhausting, but also fruitless. It’s the time when we shift our focus from pleasing others to living in alignment with what we actually believe is best. And as a result, we make greater efforts to live in a way where we can f...
Nov 21, 2023•1 hr
As parents, we are hardwired to focus on our child’s wellbeing. Early on, this inclination serves our children well but, as they grow, if our relationship with them doesn’t evolve to make room for their emerging autonomy, we will keep them from developing the capacities they need to flourish in adulthood and navigate the increasingly complex world around them. As scary as it is to step back and watch as our children take more ownership of their lives and choices, and as hard as it is to watch th...
Nov 14, 2023•1 hr 11 min
** Room for Two HALLOWEEN SALE | Click HERE for $79 subscriptions! ** In this special Halloween episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Jeff & Cathy of the LILY POD podcast to discuss why intimacy can be so terrifying, how we can overcome these fears, and the benefits that await those who are courageous enough to really care, know, and understand themselves and others. Jeff & Cathy are co-authors of the Amazon best-seller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress, and Pairi...
Oct 31, 2023•1 hr 12 min
Last month, Dr. Adam Miller joined Dr. Finlayson-Fife and Room for Two subscribers for an interactive discussion about love and loss. The conversation was simply too good to keep contained on the Room for Two podcast, so we are releasing it here today on Conversations with Dr. Jennifer for EVERYONE to enjoy. This beautiful exchange of ideas between Dr. Finlayson-Fife and Dr. Miller will change the way you think about love in the best possible way. Dr. Adam Miller is a professor of philosophy at ...
Oct 24, 2023•1 hr 3 min
Bumping up against the limits of our time, energy, and resources is one of life’s greatest frustrations. As noble as our intentions and aspirations may be, we all are forced to prioritize how we will spend our finite time and resources in the face of limitless demands and opportunities. Recognizing our personal and professional limitations and being deliberate in the choices we make, allows us to bring our best selves to our careers, families, and lives in general. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson...
Oct 10, 2023•41 min
The 2023 Restore Conference (a Faith Matters Gathering) is just around the corner! This year, Dr. Finlayson-Fife will be presenting on Eros energy and how this expansive, transformative, and transcendent energy is connected to our spirituality. Today we are releasing the recording of Dr. Finlayson-Fife's 2022 Restore presentation, "Developing Sexual Wholeness." In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses the integration of spirituality and sexuality from an LDS theological perspective. She als...
Oct 03, 2023•40 min
In this recent Facebook Live, Zach and Darcy Spafford of the Thrive Beyond Pornography podcast joined Dr. Finlayson-Fife to share their personal experience working through unwanted pornography use in their marriage and how after years of feeling stuck and frustrated, they were able to shift gears and make meaningful, lasting progress in their relationship to pornography and their relationship to each other. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: Self-authoring and the importance of clai...
Sep 26, 2023•1 hr 14 min
Our bodies and our ability to experience love and joy through them are loving gifts from a loving God. Sometimes we teach important principles like modesty and chastity in ways that promote an entirely different idea–in ways that imply that our bodies and sexuality are burdens to be overcome and obstacles to our spirituality. It can also be tempting to overcorrect for this body-shaming stance and see modesty as simply an effort to suppress sexuality and dignity (of women, in particular). Both of...
Aug 29, 2023•1 hr 3 min
Triangulation–is a concept you’re likely familiar with, even if you’re not familiar with the term. If you’ve ever been frustrated with your spouse and turned to a friend to complain, you’ve triangulated. Triangulation is our attempt to bring stability to perceived instability in a relationship. As any new cyclist can attest–three wheels are much more stable than two. And relationships aren’t all that different. Dyads (relationships of two) are inherently unstable, and when that instability makes...
Aug 15, 2023•44 min
When a marriage crumbles, we see a life we once hoped for crumble along with it. It’s a crisis in every sense. And crises hurt. They are disorganizing and challenge our sense of who we are. But, as painful as crisis is, we can use it to grow. When our current understanding of ourselves or others crumbles, we can use the pain to grow into more wisdom and a more solid self. In this NEW podcast episode [“Differentiation and Divorce”], Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Hyo North of the Leading With Grace pod...
Aug 01, 2023•38 min
It’s one thing to learn about differentiation and emotional maturity, but it’s another thing entirely to actually live it. Stepping into the deep anxiety and uncertainty of defining a self that others may not validate is a terrifying prospect, but it’s what must be done for people and relationships to evolve and grow. In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Rhonda Farr to talk through two listener questions about desire dynamics and how to navigate the painful reality of having a s...
Jul 26, 2023•37 min
When being true to ourselves jeopardizes belonging to our group, it can be tempting to live falsely in an attempt to keep others happy with us. Yet we cannot be at peace when we chronically mask who we really are. All of us are caught in some amount of tension between who we are and the expectations imposed upon us by our social groups. But those who are sexually diverse can face a much larger disparity between group norms and their personal reality, which can present unique and painful challeng...
Jul 11, 2023•1 hr 5 min
Zack and Kelly’s marriage has been a relatively untroubled one. That is until last year, when Zack disclosed to Kelly that he had been viewing pornography off and on since childhood. Kelly’s distress from the disclosure came not so much because Zack had been viewing porn, but because he had managed to keep this from her despite her having asked him explicitly about it over the years. Learning that he was capable of deceiving her in this way was completely and understandably disorganizing for Kel...
Jul 04, 2023•34 min
Intimacy is difficult. Most of us have no problem sharing a curated version of ourselves with our spouse—carefully selected parts that we know will be accepted, valued, and appreciated. But real intimacy requires much more than that. Real intimacy means we share the not-so-loveable parts of ourselves– all the good along with the flaws and imperfections. Marriage is a remarkable, growth-promoting commitment—because who we are, including our limited ability to love another, is reflected back to us...
Jun 20, 2023•35 min
Has your relationship lost its spark? When we take ourselves too seriously, we can snuff out the playful eros energy that keeps relationships vibrant and alive. After all, the happiest marriages thrive, rather than just survive. They are joyful because each person feels free to fully be themselves—without the need to pretend or contort themselves to earn approval. Making room for two people to be true to themselves and the relationship is where the real magic happens. I recently met with Dr. Jer...
May 30, 2023•45 min
It’s very tempting to look to others to tell us how to live–to gauge our success by how well we live up to others’ expectations and to measure our value by the approval of others. There is a time for thinking this way; it’s how we all start out—dependent on others to tell us how to live. But, if we want to mature and grow into greater personal responsibility and wisdom, we must be willing to author our own lives. It’s what maturity requires. It means having the courage to take our own ideas and ...
May 23, 2023•54 min
I am heartbroken to share with you on this Mother’s Day that recently my mom was diagnosed with a serious illness. An illness that will take her from us sooner than any of us had expected. Sherrae Phelps and I recorded this podcast episode last year, long before my mom’s diagnosis. The plan was always to publish the episode for Mother’s Day, but it feels particularly poignant to be releasing it now, in light of this diagnosis–to be celebrating my mother’s impact on me as I confront the reality o...
May 12, 2023•42 min
**Click HERE to subscribe to Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast!** The challenges in your sexual relationship can offer a glimpse into the unhealthy dynamics playing out in your life and marriage. Understanding and addressing your role in these difficult interactions will help you create an intimate relationship that can be a place of solace for both parties—where each partner feels desired, valued, and cared for. In this new podcast episode, I join Melissa of the Family Brand podcast to ...
May 02, 2023•1 hr 1 min
**Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course** Many of us have been taught the misguided idea that to be virtuous we must be desireless. Not all desires are created equal, and there is an important distinction to be made between our lower and higher desires. Lower desires are driven by our ego—they are self-serving, driven by our need to feel good, and are antithetical to spiritual development. Higher desires, on the other hand, encourage our growth and ...
Apr 11, 2023•1 hr 14 min
**Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast!** The brief years of young adulthood are a vitally important period of our development. These are the years when we learn how to self-define. A time when we take the ideas and beliefs that were offered to us by parents, peers, and society and really sort out what we think about those ideas, and how we want to relate to them as we go forward. As most adults will remember, this can be a turbulent process, for both young ad...
Apr 04, 2023•32 min
A few months ago, I had a fantastic conversation with Monica Packer (@aboutprogress) about the uncomfortable, rewarding, and essential process of self-expansion. As human beings, we have a strong drive to develop, create, learn, and grow. But the uncertainty of growth keeps many of us afraid to start the enriching process of developing who we are. And, to be clear, it IS a process. Self-expansion isn’t about meeting metrics or checking off goals. It’s a mindset. It’s about striving, staying open...
Mar 28, 2023•54 min
**Click HERE to learn more about our 2023 Art of Loving Retreat (for men)** In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Richard Ostler to discuss the experiences in her early life that shaped her personal, professional, and spiritual journey—including her shift from following cultural expectations to following her own heart and desires. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: -Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s personal, professional, and spiritual journey -Boundaries -Spiritual Maturity -Self-...
Mar 14, 2023•1 hr 4 min
If you feel anxious about sexuality, you are definitely not alone. The trepidation that many of us feel makes a lot of sense, given that most of us got very little guidance about sexuality during our formative years. And the guidance we did get, often came from a place of fear and anxiety–ultimately doing more harm than it did good. While I am sure that these messages were well intended, they resulted in a lot of fear and confusion, both of which interfere with our ability to accept our bodies a...
Mar 09, 2023•28 min
**JOIN US in Spring City for the 2023 Art of Desire Retreat! Click HERE to learn more** The highest, most beautiful form of our sexuality requires both freedom and discipline. While freedom and discipline seem like competing ideas, the reality is that they actually work alongside one another. When sexuality goes awry, it can usually be attributed to either excessive freedom or excessive rigidity. Both extremes are anti-spiritual positions that keep sex from becoming the rejuvenating, soul-sustai...
Feb 28, 2023•41 min
In this special Valentine's Day edition of MormonLand , Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, McArthur Krishna, and Bethany Brady Spalding join Peggy Fletcher Stack and David Noyce, hosts of the MormonLand Podcast, for a thoughtful discussion on the nature of Latter-day Saint marriages and an exploration of the content found in the recently released ebook "In the Image of Our Heavenly Parents: A Couple's Guide to Creating a More Divine Marriage." Listen to the full episodes to learn more about how couple...
Feb 14, 2023•45 min
Just mentioning masturbation can make many of us uneasy. The word is charged in a way that often elicits fear, shame, and confusion, especially among those of us who grew up in a sexually conservative culture. But, In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dan Purcell of the Get Your Marriage On podcast (@getyourmarriageon) for a deep dive into the topic of masturbation. During the episode, Dr. Jennifer explores the reasons why there is so much anxiety surrounding masturbation and of...
Feb 13, 2023•52 min
Human beings are sexual beings from birth. As such, children are naturally and rightfully curious about their growing bodies. While this curiosity and subsequent exploration manifests differently in toddlerhood, childhood, and adolescence--a parent's comfort level with this natural process will have a big impact on the child's relationship with sexuality. In this popular podcast, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Taralynn of the Find the Magic Podcast to discuss what parents can do to help their children...
Feb 10, 2023•40 min
**Dr. Finlayson-Fife will be hosting a Facebook Live for singles on January 27th at 1 PM MT, click HERE to join our Facebook Group so you can participate!** When dealing with unwanted porn use or unwelcome sexual feelings, it’s easy to feel victimized by our environment and choices. But it’s important to know that the way that we frame these behaviors MATTERS. Certain framing leaves us feeling powerless and that we have little control over our behavior. But when we shift to a more agentic frame ...
Jan 18, 2023•39 min
**Join our Facebook Group HERE !** It takes emotional maturity to show up honestly in your life and expose what you really think, feel, and desire–especially when those thoughts and feelings diverge from the norms of your larger social group. The fear of not belonging can keep us from acknowledging who we really are. In this NEW PODCAST episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Sarah Carter of the Heart and Soul podcast to discuss the complexity of making room for your own thoughts and desires when you ...
Jan 10, 2023•42 min
