In this recent Facebook Live, Zach and Darcy Spafford of the Thrive Beyond Pornography podcast joined Dr. Finlayson-Fife to share their personal experience working through unwanted pornography use in their marriage and how after years of feeling stuck and frustrated, they were able to shift gears and make meaningful, lasting progress in their relationship to pornography and their relationship to each other. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: Self-authoring and the importance of clai...
Sep 26, 2023•1 hr 14 min
Our bodies and our ability to experience love and joy through them are loving gifts from a loving God. Sometimes we teach important principles like modesty and chastity in ways that promote an entirely different idea–in ways that imply that our bodies and sexuality are burdens to be overcome and obstacles to our spirituality. It can also be tempting to overcorrect for this body-shaming stance and see modesty as simply an effort to suppress sexuality and dignity (of women, in particular). Both of...
Aug 29, 2023•1 hr 3 min
Triangulation–is a concept you’re likely familiar with, even if you’re not familiar with the term. If you’ve ever been frustrated with your spouse and turned to a friend to complain, you’ve triangulated. Triangulation is our attempt to bring stability to perceived instability in a relationship. As any new cyclist can attest–three wheels are much more stable than two. And relationships aren’t all that different. Dyads (relationships of two) are inherently unstable, and when that instability makes...
Aug 15, 2023•44 min
When a marriage crumbles, we see a life we once hoped for crumble along with it. It’s a crisis in every sense. And crises hurt. They are disorganizing and challenge our sense of who we are. But, as painful as crisis is, we can use it to grow. When our current understanding of ourselves or others crumbles, we can use the pain to grow into more wisdom and a more solid self. In this NEW podcast episode [“Differentiation and Divorce”], Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Hyo North of the Leading With Grace pod...
Aug 01, 2023•38 min
It’s one thing to learn about differentiation and emotional maturity, but it’s another thing entirely to actually live it. Stepping into the deep anxiety and uncertainty of defining a self that others may not validate is a terrifying prospect, but it’s what must be done for people and relationships to evolve and grow. In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Rhonda Farr to talk through two listener questions about desire dynamics and how to navigate the painful reality of having a s...
Jul 26, 2023•37 min
When being true to ourselves jeopardizes belonging to our group, it can be tempting to live falsely in an attempt to keep others happy with us. Yet we cannot be at peace when we chronically mask who we really are. All of us are caught in some amount of tension between who we are and the expectations imposed upon us by our social groups. But those who are sexually diverse can face a much larger disparity between group norms and their personal reality, which can present unique and painful challeng...
Jul 11, 2023•1 hr 5 min
Zack and Kelly’s marriage has been a relatively untroubled one. That is until last year, when Zack disclosed to Kelly that he had been viewing pornography off and on since childhood. Kelly’s distress from the disclosure came not so much because Zack had been viewing porn, but because he had managed to keep this from her despite her having asked him explicitly about it over the years. Learning that he was capable of deceiving her in this way was completely and understandably disorganizing for Kel...
Jul 04, 2023•34 min
Intimacy is difficult. Most of us have no problem sharing a curated version of ourselves with our spouse—carefully selected parts that we know will be accepted, valued, and appreciated. But real intimacy requires much more than that. Real intimacy means we share the not-so-loveable parts of ourselves– all the good along with the flaws and imperfections. Marriage is a remarkable, growth-promoting commitment—because who we are, including our limited ability to love another, is reflected back to us...
Jun 20, 2023•35 min
Has your relationship lost its spark? When we take ourselves too seriously, we can snuff out the playful eros energy that keeps relationships vibrant and alive. After all, the happiest marriages thrive, rather than just survive. They are joyful because each person feels free to fully be themselves—without the need to pretend or contort themselves to earn approval. Making room for two people to be true to themselves and the relationship is where the real magic happens. I recently met with Dr. Jer...
May 30, 2023•45 min
It’s very tempting to look to others to tell us how to live–to gauge our success by how well we live up to others’ expectations and to measure our value by the approval of others. There is a time for thinking this way; it’s how we all start out—dependent on others to tell us how to live. But, if we want to mature and grow into greater personal responsibility and wisdom, we must be willing to author our own lives. It’s what maturity requires. It means having the courage to take our own ideas and ...
May 23, 2023•54 min
I am heartbroken to share with you on this Mother’s Day that recently my mom was diagnosed with a serious illness. An illness that will take her from us sooner than any of us had expected. Sherrae Phelps and I recorded this podcast episode last year, long before my mom’s diagnosis. The plan was always to publish the episode for Mother’s Day, but it feels particularly poignant to be releasing it now, in light of this diagnosis–to be celebrating my mother’s impact on me as I confront the reality o...
May 12, 2023•42 min
**Click HERE to subscribe to Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast!** The challenges in your sexual relationship can offer a glimpse into the unhealthy dynamics playing out in your life and marriage. Understanding and addressing your role in these difficult interactions will help you create an intimate relationship that can be a place of solace for both parties—where each partner feels desired, valued, and cared for. In this new podcast episode, I join Melissa of the Family Brand podcast to ...
May 02, 2023•1 hr 1 min
**Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course** Many of us have been taught the misguided idea that to be virtuous we must be desireless. Not all desires are created equal, and there is an important distinction to be made between our lower and higher desires. Lower desires are driven by our ego—they are self-serving, driven by our need to feel good, and are antithetical to spiritual development. Higher desires, on the other hand, encourage our growth and ...
Apr 11, 2023•1 hr 14 min
**Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast!** The brief years of young adulthood are a vitally important period of our development. These are the years when we learn how to self-define. A time when we take the ideas and beliefs that were offered to us by parents, peers, and society and really sort out what we think about those ideas, and how we want to relate to them as we go forward. As most adults will remember, this can be a turbulent process, for both young ad...
Apr 04, 2023•32 min
A few months ago, I had a fantastic conversation with Monica Packer (@aboutprogress) about the uncomfortable, rewarding, and essential process of self-expansion. As human beings, we have a strong drive to develop, create, learn, and grow. But the uncertainty of growth keeps many of us afraid to start the enriching process of developing who we are. And, to be clear, it IS a process. Self-expansion isn’t about meeting metrics or checking off goals. It’s a mindset. It’s about striving, staying open...
Mar 28, 2023•54 min
**Click HERE to learn more about our 2023 Art of Loving Retreat (for men)** In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Richard Ostler to discuss the experiences in her early life that shaped her personal, professional, and spiritual journey—including her shift from following cultural expectations to following her own heart and desires. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: -Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s personal, professional, and spiritual journey -Boundaries -Spiritual Maturity -Self-...
Mar 14, 2023•1 hr 4 min
If you feel anxious about sexuality, you are definitely not alone. The trepidation that many of us feel makes a lot of sense, given that most of us got very little guidance about sexuality during our formative years. And the guidance we did get, often came from a place of fear and anxiety–ultimately doing more harm than it did good. While I am sure that these messages were well intended, they resulted in a lot of fear and confusion, both of which interfere with our ability to accept our bodies a...
Mar 09, 2023•28 min
**JOIN US in Spring City for the 2023 Art of Desire Retreat! Click HERE to learn more** The highest, most beautiful form of our sexuality requires both freedom and discipline. While freedom and discipline seem like competing ideas, the reality is that they actually work alongside one another. When sexuality goes awry, it can usually be attributed to either excessive freedom or excessive rigidity. Both extremes are anti-spiritual positions that keep sex from becoming the rejuvenating, soul-sustai...
Feb 28, 2023•41 min
In this special Valentine's Day edition of MormonLand , Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, McArthur Krishna, and Bethany Brady Spalding join Peggy Fletcher Stack and David Noyce, hosts of the MormonLand Podcast, for a thoughtful discussion on the nature of Latter-day Saint marriages and an exploration of the content found in the recently released ebook "In the Image of Our Heavenly Parents: A Couple's Guide to Creating a More Divine Marriage." Listen to the full episodes to learn more about how couple...
Feb 14, 2023•45 min
Just mentioning masturbation can make many of us uneasy. The word is charged in a way that often elicits fear, shame, and confusion, especially among those of us who grew up in a sexually conservative culture. But, In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dan Purcell of the Get Your Marriage On podcast (@getyourmarriageon) for a deep dive into the topic of masturbation. During the episode, Dr. Jennifer explores the reasons why there is so much anxiety surrounding masturbation and of...
Feb 13, 2023•52 min
Human beings are sexual beings from birth. As such, children are naturally and rightfully curious about their growing bodies. While this curiosity and subsequent exploration manifests differently in toddlerhood, childhood, and adolescence--a parent's comfort level with this natural process will have a big impact on the child's relationship with sexuality. In this popular podcast, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Taralynn of the Find the Magic Podcast to discuss what parents can do to help their children...
Feb 10, 2023•40 min
**Dr. Finlayson-Fife will be hosting a Facebook Live for singles on January 27th at 1 PM MT, click HERE to join our Facebook Group so you can participate!** When dealing with unwanted porn use or unwelcome sexual feelings, it’s easy to feel victimized by our environment and choices. But it’s important to know that the way that we frame these behaviors MATTERS. Certain framing leaves us feeling powerless and that we have little control over our behavior. But when we shift to a more agentic frame ...
Jan 18, 2023•39 min
**Join our Facebook Group HERE !** It takes emotional maturity to show up honestly in your life and expose what you really think, feel, and desire–especially when those thoughts and feelings diverge from the norms of your larger social group. The fear of not belonging can keep us from acknowledging who we really are. In this NEW PODCAST episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Sarah Carter of the Heart and Soul podcast to discuss the complexity of making room for your own thoughts and desires when you ...
Jan 10, 2023•42 min
Reconciling our desire to belong to ourselves and our desire to be in close relationship with another is a complicated process. Making room in a relationship for two complete people, each with their own values, opinions, and priorities, is a complicated, painful, and remarkably worthwhile process–a process that will foster spiritual, emotional, and psychological development if we let it. In this NEW PODCAST episode, Dr.Finlayson-Fife joins the Barbie Does Dating podcast discuss the complexities ...
Jan 05, 2023•52 min
Loving sexuality in marriage provides a refuge from the suffering and difficulty that is inherent to living. When sexuality is mature, based in love and acceptance, it has the power to sustain us, rejuvenate our souls, and expand our capacity for joy. In this NEW PODCAST episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why podcast to talk about how we can develop sexual maturity and use our sexuality to create more partnership and connection in our marriages. Listen to the full epis...
Dec 15, 2022•50 min
**Click HERE to Subscribe to Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two Podcast** In this NEW PODCAST episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Lisa Valentine Clark of The Lisa Show (@thelisashow) to discuss red flags within a relationship and how discomfort in relationships can help us grow into more mature and loving partners. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: *Love and Truth, two foundational elements of all good marriages *Discomfort and its role in personal and relational growth *Harmful meani...
Nov 30, 2022•39 min
This is a teaser episode of Room for Two, you can subscribe to the podcast HERE to listen to the full episode! Don't forget that we also offer gift subscriptions to Room for Two, you can purchase a subscription for a friend or family member and schedule it to be delivered on Christmas day. Click HERE to learn more. It’s been a rough year for Nate and Nora. Their marriage has been a relatively peaceful and comfortable one, but now things are different. Navigating Nate’s faith transition has been ...
Nov 21, 2022•26 min
In this NEW PODCAST episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Sherrae Phelps and Kristi Bassett for a frank discussion about anxiety. During the episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife offers an important distinction between fear and anxiety and gives practical tips on how we can each learn to better cope with the uncertainties of life. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: *Fear vs Anxiety *How to increase our tolerance for anxiety and uncertainty *Supporting family members with anxiety *Anxiety medicati...
Nov 17, 2022•49 min
In this NEW PODCAST episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Raini Hamilton to talk about the important role conflict plays in intimate relationships and how couples can use conflict to grow closer together and expand their lives and relationship. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Conflict vs Contempt * Our need for both connection and autonomy * Effective communication during conflict * Losing strategies
Nov 02, 2022•20 min
**Click HERE to learn more about the Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course" In this NEW podcast episode, Kirsten and Alexis of the Sharing Her Journey podcast (@sharingherjourney) invite Dr. Finlayson- Fife to discuss challenging moments from her earlier years and the impact those challenges have had on her life and career path. Listen to the full episode to learn more about * What inspired Dr. Jennifer’s dissertation topic * Growth from stepping into a paradigm you don’t agree * Satan’s playground–i...
Oct 26, 2022•1 hr 7 min
