¶ Public Kink and Boundaries
Today we're going to be talking about the Gimp at the Globe and also giving you five ways that you can secretly engage in power play in public . This podcast contains frank discussions about sex , kink and BDSM . If you're a consenting adult who wants to learn more about these topics , then stay tuned .
You're listening to chief from kinkyeventscouk helping you create the DOM sub-dynamic you've always fantasised about .
Hello and welcome to another episode of conversations with the DOM , with me , chief and .
One out . Hello Hi , I wanted to say hi .
That's very short . I'm the tired one . Yes , you may hear me slurping Diet Coke in the background because I am a bit of fitness regime at the moment . I've got to keep my stamina up and I'm feeling very tired at the moment because of it . So apologies for the low energy this one . So Moino's got to take my place and be high energy , uh-huh .
Sure .
I was just talking to you for like an hour on our walk . Yeah , yeah .
What else is new ?
Exactly .
So , yes , gimp at the Globe . What is this ? So Moino alerted me to a news article which came out in the UK and the headline was man in Gimp Suit allowed to watch Shakespeare's Globe play with children in audience . Theatregoer watches the comedy of errors dressed in full latex , a fetish suit and mask .
A man dressed in a gimp suit was allowed to attend a play at Shakespeare's Globe in front of stunned theatregoers and children , because the outfit did not contain offensive slogans .
The theatregoer attended a matinees show dressed in the head-to-toe latex outfit and mask , with one member describing it as very scary sight , as she made a formal complaint to the venue and , from what I understand , they didn't make the person leave , and I've seen a photo you can find online . This is a full black latex gimp suit with the full mask as well .
So , yeah , what do we think about this ?
I mean , obviously the article is trying to play on the sensation right now I think that's going on in the media about what sort of things are appropriate in public in certain spaces .
I know this is much more of a contentious issue currently happening in the States right now and we're not really discussing anything having to do with that realm , with the drag queens sort of reading events and things like that . This is different and I think the difference is that it's a gimp suit with a mask . How is that different ?
It's quite blatantly and overtly a sexual outfit that is worn in sexual settings or in explicit or knowingly tapping into that adult thing in entertainment venues . Do you understand what I'm saying ? It's also quite scary . It is scary , there's a mask .
Yeah , imagine if you turned up wearing , let's say , a Halloween costume like a normal , nothing sexual , just a scary Freddy Krueger mask . The kids would be scared . Not just the kids , the adults too .
It's just a bit weird , yeah if someone were to just walk up to here we go , if someone were to attend the globe and they're in like a Pennywise costume with makeup , believe me I'd also be concerned .
I'd be worried Because it's outside of the norm that you expect when you are in that space , especially if there isn't some sort of event going on that it could be possible that something like this shows up .
Exactly , and we were talking about like the person . There's a reason the person is just a person . There's a reason the person is dressing like that . And it's probably for some sort of well , kink or fetish that they have and therefore they are inadvertently using the .
They're using the other people around them and getting them involved in the kink and and consentually like , those people are not consenting to it .
Yeah , I think this is totally different than than drag queens who are going out and having tea parties or reading stories when they have been invited to the space , when people know that this is because they are an entertainer and they're being invited into places as entertainment .
But this is someone going and dressing up to see entertainment and and they're they were also they had a standing to this person just in the audience .
They're at the front , they're not part of the show .
No , they're not . And they were like right at the front , apparently because they had one of the cheap standing tickets and they had their full mask on and everything I'd . I'd be , I'd be not I'd . I'd wonder what was going on , and it would make me a little bit on edge .
Just not knowing in the kink scene , even though you I go to parties and you see that kind of stuff all the time . I would be . I would be not shocked , but I would certainly be like that's not appropriate .
Yeah , but can we discuss ? Yeah , why don't we think it's appropriate ?
Because , well , like we said it's , this person is probably getting some sort of sexual satisfaction from doing that and therefore , as I said , inadvertently involving everyone in the crowd in that sexual satisfaction , and they haven't consented to that .
Yeah , it would be like seeing someone walking someone else on a leash down a public street .
Yeah , which we've talked about before in the shopping malls in America , which I also think is inappropriate .
There's a time and a place to practice kink , and in public is generally not the time or place . However , are there moments of when you can practice kink in public .
Yes , we'll get on to that first , but you also wanted to talk about an article that you read on Reddit .
Oh yes , there is also a subreddit that I came across also today just after reading about the GIMP at the Globe , and this Reddit user posed a question in one of the BDSM chats , essentially saying that someone had asked if they could send them a DM and asked if they could give them a compliment . The poster said yes , thank you for asking .
The person who gave the compliment did so , and then the poster said that they felt nice about it , but then the person who gave them the compliment revealed after the fact that they were actually doing this as a punishment that was set to them by their master to go out and compliment five people on the Reddit , and so the poster who brought this issue to the
subreddit said that it instantly made them feel icky and that the compliment no longer felt nice . It was no longer a compliment , and I didn't read into the responses that they received , but I thought that was a very interesting case of something that would be okay otherwise . Especially , they went about it the right way .
They asked if they could give a compliment first , and it seems like it wasn't one of those icky pushing on compliments .
It wasn't sincere . That's the thing . But , they were doing it for the wrong reasons .
It became an issue because it actually wasn't sincere . Even if the compliment was sincere , it was done to satisfy this other person's kink in their dynamic . So they were getting pulled into some people's play without consent and then they were told about it .
Yes .
So I don't yeah .
So it's kind of related to the game .
It's related . It's about you know how , when and where is it appropriate to practice kink and to pull other people into that experience , and where are the boundaries there ?
Yeah . So let's talk about what you five things you can do and that we have done . If you enjoy taking your power , play dynamic into public , because there are things you can do that don't involve other people and you can do them in secret . So , in no particular order , we have a set of five things .
The first is use hidden wearables , and what do we mean by hidden wearables ?
Take your pick . You have but plugs , benoit balls , nipple clamps , click clamps , chastity devices , anything that you would you would put in or on your body under your clothes . Oh , and that's include the absence of certain clothes such as underwear .
That would probably be the most the easiest hidden wearable , but I guess this would be , in this case , an un unwareable question .
What about no bra ? Yeah , because you could probably see the person nipples .
But I mean that's kind of fashion nowadays .
It is fashion on the outfit , yeah actually . And where's the line Like how , how revealing can you get if you , if you know , if I was like yeah you got to dress up really slutty and walk down the road .
I guess I'm not slutty . I don't like that word , but you know what I mean .
Like slutty in a positive sense , like showing off your body , what you're , what you're you have to read the read the room and understand this situation .
There are , you know , to your aunt's funeral . Probably not .
Probably not .
Not , 100% not .
You never know , guys do you not turn out in a really slutty outfit to your aunt's funeral , unless she loved that kind of thing .
Well , that's the thing you know .
If you're doing it in her memory , then like she was known as probably never wearing it for a while . Most likely . Here you go , most most likely not . Honoring her memory or a memory .
Honoring her memories , certainly , Anyway . I mean , I can think of a couple of aunts out there that would probably love having their Anyway , yes , in a sexual context , please . That's not what I mean . Regardless , regardless you know , to work meeting , no , but going to the corner shop to pick up a pint of milk Perhaps .
Yeah .
But also what time of day is it and who's around you ? Are you doing the school run ? You know , obviously not , like you need to think about who's around and who you're going to see .
And there are certain instances , I think , where wearing something like slutty is going to be more accepted , and certain places as well , depending on like the , depending on the political vibe of the place , like are you on a beach ?
Yeah well , we went on holiday and I wanted you to wear the sort of thumb bikini style which you don't normally wear . I don't think we ever , you ever .
I bought them and wore them specifically for the holiday . I wore them .
Yeah , I don't think we went to the beach , though , to wear them . It was always . We didn't go around the pool .
We were at the beach and I was wearing it , but it was so windy .
It was under jean shorts .
No , I couldn't take off the other layer , yeah yeah , but stuff like that , because that's acceptable anyway , because it's fashion , but it's , maybe it's not in what you would normally wear , and so I instructed you to wear it because I wanted to see you wearing it and I thought you looked really good in it .
However , in terms of being appropriate , I do recall that one evening I was asked to go back to my room and change because the sundress that I was wearing over top was not entirely opaque .
It was quite a formal . It was quite a formal . It wasn't like ultra formal , it wasn't , but they had rules .
They had rules , yeah , and you turned up from the pool and I was obviously verging on on breaking the rules of what was appropriate for dinner , not for lunch . Yes , exactly so anyways , but that's about . You know appropriate outfits out and about , you have to just know the the area right or ?
like yeah , but let's get back to the , the point , which is the the doll , how the Dom can tell the other person what to wear potentially when they're going out , as long as they keep those constraints in mind . Ask the other person to wear a butt plug . Again , you have to have consented to all of this .
The sub has to consent to this , but also you , as the sub , can also just show up with a butt plug in and then tell me afterwards You've done that before yeah , that's fun , that's exciting , we can just wear it for your own pleasure . You know you don't have to do this thing with you partly can just be out and about wearing a butt plug .
Oh , you can also have it be something that you say no to .
By the way , I previously , before meeting you , I was starting to get involved with the , with the dominant that I met online or whatever , and he was a master style Dom and one of the rules he had set to me , like as we were just starting to do some play , he had asked me to not wear any , any bra or underwear during the day , and I Didn't like that
idea of not wearing . I was fine not wearing underwear , but not wearing a bra I really had took issue with because bras are practical . They keep you Suspended in a way that's useful for work if you are a fuller , fast-chested woman or it's Not comfortable oftentimes to not have a bra on .
Actually it actually it can make your back hurt , it can make you sweat , it makes her clothes sit funny and that's what I think a lot of guys don't realize if you're not wearing a bra , you're going to not look attractive or feel a come attractive and it can make you feel really Horribly uncomfortable .
So I think it's really important in this instance that this is something that you do with consent .
¶ Exploring Dynamics and Boundaries in BDSM
But I want to remind the subs that they're allowed to negotiate these things and Compromise and talk to their Dom's . They should be able to feel comfortable going to their Dom .
If their Dom gives them a request I don't want you to wear a bra , then you can be like actually , that makes me feel really uncomfortable about my body because I have some body image issues . Can we find another solution to that that still is serving ?
You know your your desire to , to give me that sort of command and my desire to follow that sort of command , that's not . You know this thing .
Yeah right .
I just want to put that out there . You're . You are allowed to negotiate .
Yeah , you can say no , yeah , so , no . So some of these other things We've used before are the weighted balls that you put inside yourself and they can move around when you're walking . So they're good for pelvic floor , but also they can feel quite nice .
Careful with those , though , because they , if they're too weighty , they'll start slipping out .
And that's no , I know .
But it's actually like it can start feeling quite uncomfortable if they're like preaching . Yeah you know , like , like it can actually be verging on , like it can hurt or it can not be the most comfortable experience . So just Test it out first before you go out for like hours .
Yeah , of course . Of course , clamps probably a bit harder to wear under your clothing , but I'm sure there's a way to do that and Chessy devices , if you're into that as well . You said the other things .
We've got our remote controlled vibrators , so either the ones that go on your clip or inside you , and We've got a musical vibrating block recently , yeah , which vibrates to when you put it near a speaker .
Or it's a bit of a novelty thing , but yeah . I have a funny story about that . Yeah , so I wanted to surprise you when you were coming back from your holiday the other day . You had asked me to put in a butt plug and we had just received this musical but plug .
So I thought I'd try it for the first time , without telling you that that's the one that I had in . So I put on some music in the house speakers and I put in this , this butt plug , and I turned it on and Obviously , the , the , the music doesn't really differentiate between , like , sound and music .
It's just if it hears a noise , then it's going to vibrate to that noise and the cat started meowing and so so he was activating the , the vibrations in the butt plug , and that made me feel really bad , that he was like I was .
I was trying to get him to stop , because I didn't want him to .
You know he's innocent and and I Felt , I was like no , don't you can , you don't be meowing right now because , you're making my butt vibrate . That's why I felt really bad about that . Anyway , I'm sure , I'm sure you are used to but the vibrate , vibrate , vibrate or Butt plugs or whatever anything that vibrates makes it make sound . So you need to be like .
That's one of those wearables that you have to be . You have to think about the , the noise of wherever it is that you're going yeah , normally go to .
If you go to a busy bar , you'd be fine . Yeah , I've had . I've had situations where I've been sitting on a bed like a wooden bench and then it's gone off and it's Like other people have noticed on the table . What's that ? Someone's phone going off .
Yeah , yeah or like it . I mean again if you're at a business meeting and then all of a sudden a vibration starts up . People here so , exactly , but that's so . Where do we draw the line with being appropriate when you're ?
playing . I think you can wear a butt plug at work , but just maybe you gotta be careful . The vibrations if you wear a vibrating , one might say yeah , be very mindful on your lunch break .
Maybe you know , like when you've gone out for coffee , then you can turn on the vibrations or something yeah , alright , number two , that was hidden wearables .
Number two is visible wearables . So we've talked about specific clothing that the Dom can make a sub wear . That's one idea , but also you might have particular items of jewelry or even things like daycolors which don't look like kinky wear , but they are just symbols that remind you and your partner that you are in this dynamic .
Yeah , it's a nice one . You choose my outfit sometimes , especially if , if you say , like , what style you want me to wear , and then I give you some options of what I have available . You know , especially if , since we don't live with each other , I can be like , well , that's in the wash . But you know , here are three similar things .
Which one do you prefer out of these three choices ? So that's a nice way and a simple way to to be playing into the dynamic . Yeah not like it's not sexual , you know , not really it no , it's not , it's not .
And even and you know , when you're out wearing an outfit , no , it's not sexual , no one knows . But you can also take the initiative if you're the sub as well . One of our things that we teach in our course for subs is that you don't have to be the passive one . You know , as the sub , you can be taking initiative .
You can be sending your Dom From photos of three different outfits and saying hey , pick one of these for me to wear today , so that . So that is being an active sub and , as most homes will really appreciate that , it's also a way to get your partner to be more dominant .
You know , because you're giving them , you're giving them a way to be more dominant , you're giving them the choices . And you might think well , that means that the sub is in charge . But we don't see it like that . So number three acts of service .
If you are Only , if you only do DS in the bedroom , then you might want to consider doing acts of service outside of the bedroom and even in public . So examples would be if you go to a restaurant , then the Dom chooses the restaurant you go to . They may even choose Items on the menu for you rather than you having to order .
They may order for you rather than you speaking to the waiter or waitress .
Or they may Make you take the effort to to speak up when you're practicing . I know that sometimes you've had me .
Yeah , I'm bothered to order and you know , I'll just tell you what I want , which is nerve-wracking , but you know sometimes to feel pit on the spot .
But it is also helping me practice my like , my speaking , my skills getting more socially confident .
Yeah , exactly yeah and then you can have little things at the table . So you know , if you notice my water glasses empty , you know it's your job to fill it up . Little things like that .
Yeah , acts of service , I think is a great way to play publicly .
That look totally benign , unlike opening the door for someone , or yeah , like there's , there could be some peculiarities that perhaps make someone go like , huh , how interesting , you know , but like it's not , they're not going to afford any more thought than that on what I do , whatever it is that you're doing .
Yeah , I would think yeah , exactly exactly because they're not . Again , these aren't sexual things . These are just things that you are doing for your partner or you're doing for each other that to anyone else looks completely normal .
Which is kind of like a nice added thrill . You know like it's something that is completely mundane , but you're turning it into a Into part of your DS dynamic , which I think makes it even more exciting .
Yeah , yeah , absolutely All right . Number four setting some rules . So you might have rules in the house , but you can also have specific rules that come into effect when you go out and about . So we've , you can have a few , such as where the person Walks , so they could always , you could instruct that the sub always has to walk on your right .
As An example . Don't know why , it's the right , but maybe that's what you prefer and therefore they they are always on the right . They always have to hold your hand when you're in public . If you're more of a little , you might enjoy that , asking permission to go to the bathroom if you .
Again , if you're a restaurant or out , they have to ask Using specific names .
Yeah , like titles and things .
Yeah , now obviously got a bit bit careful with that one because People might be a near shop , but you know you can . You can still get away with it If it's in a loud , noisy environment because they wouldn't know that you're using them .
Yeah , please , sir , I can like that would probably . If anything , it would might make people around you , if they overheard it , think that you're like mocking . You know the person which I do think for any people into like a brat dynamic .
You can kind of use that to to play like if you know that you're supposed to use a specific name when you're out and about , then like slipping up and Deliberately calling your Tom a name that is not on the list of approved names . Well , there you go .
That's they can't do anything exactly because you're in public . So it's just going to make it worse , yeah .
Anyway , not like I'm giving any brats any ideas . No no , I would never .
Well , we did one where you had to write lines and then you had to fold the paper up and put it in your underwear .
Oh yeah , yeah , I guess that that would be another hidden .
You can do that when you're , when you're out . If they do something wrong , you can get them to have a bit .
Get out a notepad and then go to the excuse you know , go to the lew and and pop it in there .
Yeah .
Yeah , and then it just like shapes and just the right way . Yeah , make sure that you're wearing some like tight panties so that they don't it doesn't like fall out your trousers or something that would be Unfortunate yeah , again , with stuff they must wear .
So when , when you're out and about , maybe you have a rule that they always wear this particular piece of jewelry or this particular bracelet or this particular item of clothing , etc . Etc . And the final one is kind of the Dom has the final say . I guess this is more If you're not sure about something , you you trust that they .
You defer to the Dom .
Yeah , I .
I think sometimes we fall into this a little bit and I'll have to remind myself of it .
If they're like in a social gathering and if I'm , if there's some sort of like mini conflict going on or maybe there's a little tiny argument or maybe People are getting a bit invested or I'm speaking too much , then you might like give me a little like Leg squeeze or a tap or something .
And you know , I thought I can take that moment to look at you , to call myself down a little bit to See what's going on in my surroundings and then just kind of defer to your behavior or whatever it is that you're doing .
Maybe you're trying to quietly telling me , tell me that you know , hey , we're going soon , and Without any words being said or any weird little eyebrow things , I just kind of know in that moment when you give me a little tap , that whatever you do next is kind of what I'm about to Like . I will follow , I'll follow your , your cues .
Yeah so it's like a little unspoken , you know dance of reading body language and just being switching gears , but it's , it's quite useful .
Yeah .
Yeah .
Yeah .
What do you think ?
No , I agree , I agree , yeah , yeah , I think . I mean I think most people , most couples , do that anyway in some ways . But you could take it to the current level with with DS if you want to .
I think it's useful , particularly in like . If I'm having some sort of like mini , mini dispute or whatever , and maybe it's with you and we're with others , there can be a moment that if you just look at me or give me a gentle top , then I just , you know , I'll just stop , because I obviously don't want us to have like a tiff or anything . So .
So then I'm like okay , you know , like I , I , what's , what is it ? I ?
Resign , resign . Yeah , I I from this thing . Yeah , that's not the word I was going to use , but that'll work . No , it's not resign . I know what you mean .
Yeah , it's not concur , it's the opposite , it's the concede Concede .
Yeah , maybe , yeah , anyway , sorry you're tired . Well , yeah , and it's not like , yeah , but there's a fine line there , because you don't want to be like having a proper argument and then be , and then the dom's just saying no , just like , just shut up . I'm right , I don't care what you think .
That's not quite what we're saying here , but it depends on the , on the context a little bit .
It's with respect .
Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah .
¶ Playing With Kink in Public
And then the final one , the final thing you can do extended foreplay . So this is where it is getting a bit sexual and you have to be obviously very careful where you do this . But things like hands under the table , resting them on someone's thigh , maybe moving them a little bit higher than you would normally you said sending a dirty text as well .
Maybe you go to the bathroom and you send one and it comes in just the right moment , or just at the wrong .
Or just at the wrong See . Obviously , please , you do want to pay attention If you're doing this remotely with your partner , if you know that they have like a business meeting coming up or whatever .
Yeah , this is more when we're together .
Yeah , but I'm saying that , like , some of this stuff is certainly doable and applicable if you're a part as well , but you would want to perhaps set some rules on like and boundaries .
Like it's probably not appropriate to send a dirty text if your partner is having some serious like work obligation and that might distract them and pull them out and then they're going to be .
Their performance may suffer as a result you know , or maybe like you don't want them to get hard , Like if like it and if someone were to oversee the phone , and it's an explicit image . So I think it is important that you do set some boundaries around that one specifically .
Yeah and agree . What in your relationship ? What is appropriate ?
Yeah .
Like for some , that they'll have a rule they can send images whenever because they don't check their phones at work , or for some , you know might have a really high pressure job and so you agree that you don't . You don't do that during work hours , or something like that . And then , yeah , whispered , whispered commands .
For example , again , you know you're out about and you get the person to remove their underwear . It can be in the restaurant bathroom , it could be in a park .
We've done that before .
Yeah , yeah .
We , oh we did that at a train station one time late at night .
There was like another .
Yeah , on the platform waiting for a late night train and there was someone like down at the other end , way , way over in the distance , but you know it was . It was dark , it was a bit shaded where we were , we weren't underneath any lights , so I kind of used your body as a shield to just kind of slip the panties down my skirt .
Yeah .
So that's fun .
Yeah .
So that's you know it's playing in public and obviously it's leaning more towards the sexual side of things , but it still is is being mindful of the people that are around you potentially , and the places that you are , and it's engaging in kink in a way that is more appropriate in public than , like , going to the globe in a full on gimp suit .
Yes , and that's kind of the whole point . Like you can play publicly , you can enact DS in public , but there's just a way that you do it that is going to be more accepted .
Yeah , more subtle You're not . You know we're not doing any of these things to get caught , but it is in public .
So yeah , something to be mindful of , yeah .
And then we haven't even mentioned dirty talk . Like you can always do dirty talk , you can whisper something in there , here and emphasize the power dynamic . That's a great one for winding something up when they you know they can't do anything because you're out .
And it's great . It's fun to be on the receiving end of that too . It gets you all squirmy and then you'll be aching to go home .
So to take care of that , imagine like you've spent hours teasing each other back and forth at some boring family function and there's nothing you can do about it With your aunt , like your aunt's funeral , and then you just have to sit there and wait , knowing it's going to be like hours , to to any sort of relief .
Yeah .
So fun times .
Yeah , so there we are . Those are our five categories of things where you can engage secretly in kinky play in public , should you wish . And we didn't even talk about public sex . No , we didn't , which , of course , is possible , but it's illegal in some places , so we're not going to talk about that . But yeah , these are .
These are more subtle things that you can do , and I don't believe you can get arrested for most of them , because , because people won't know you're doing them .
Yeah , yeah so there we go .
But moral of the story don't go out in a full on gimp suit to a place where there's going to be lots of kids around . Yeah , Save it for the kinky parties .
In which case you will then be celebrated that you have , you know , even invested in a gimp suit , because can you imagine it's costly and like getting into it and it's hot , like again it's gracious .
Yeah , it was really hot . I don't know what to put in and you've got to stand for that . I know Like what . Maybe it was a marketing stunt or something .
Maybe who knows ?
Yeah , but there we go . We've hope you've enjoyed this short and sweet episode of Conversations with the Dom , as always . Please check out kinkyeventscouk , because we're all about helping you embrace your kinky side and introduce power play into your dynamic . We've got loads of articles on there to help you out .
We've got a full course for submissives to help you discover all the kinks that you are into , how to communicate , how to find a kinky partner , and we've also got a book for Dom's on how to create really great BDSM scenes that your partner will love .
So go and check out kinkyeventscouk and make sure you subscribe to the podcast so that you will hear when new episodes are released . So until next time , lots of love and spanks from me and Moino . Bye , bye .
You're listening to Chief from kinkyeventscouk helping you create the Dom sub-dynamic you've always fantasized about .