Rite Aid Doesn't Sell Bananas
"A post Thanksgiving triumph." - Freddy Prinze Jr.
Nov 29, 2022•38 min•Season 1Ep. 94
Composed
Comedian Chase Bernstein tackles the minutiae of everyday life in a stream of consciousness filled with humor, observation and a splash of rage. While we love to think life is defined by the big events, ultimately it's the trips to CVS, Trader Joe's, and the special yet forgotten interactions in between that comprise our days. Chase is here to celebrate the subtleties through a genuine and hilarious lens. As one listener put it, "What's the show about? Nothing. Everything. Wow." While another said, "This podcast is ridiculous and I cannot stop listening!" So what do you have to lose? Nothing. Everything.
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Episodes
Marshall's Member Etc.
A pre Thanksgiving spread including but not limited to: a catastrophic reorganization of my apps (not a metaphor), an impassioned rant regarding herbs, an appearance at a tennis club, endless hot chocolate, astro turf. Pray you saved room for dessert but absolutely not legally responsible if you didn't.
Nov 22, 2022•29 min•Season 1Ep. 93
Calligraphy Etc.
Episode 92 comes barrelling down the highway carrying precious cargo in the form of riveting topics such: a calligraphy tutorial gone wrong, oatmeal, and seasons- recorded mere days after all my taste buds were eradicated at the hand of a tempting, fresh batch of turkey chili... aye dios mio.
Nov 08, 2022•35 min•Season 1Ep. 92
La Jolla Diaries
Episode 91 finds me fresh off a stint in La Jolla that came with many highs in the form of electricity that only a quaint seaside town can provide, as well as lows including but not limited to: an icy smoothie, a missed opportunity for a stretch, and a dressing room with no mirror. Typing this with shorn nails... tragically you'll understand soon enough.
Nov 01, 2022•46 min•Season 1Ep. 91
Live Chia Seed Pudding Tasting Etc.
If you're looking for a light listen, episode 90 is not for you... tendentious topics explored include: a regional soy sauce shortage, a sub par candle selection, all culminating in a visit to the gold member's lounge at the newly renovated Citibank, as well as an anti climatic return to Barnes and Noble. If you're in a stable place in your life and can handle the chaos that is episode 90, come on in, and if not... we'll catch you on the next one.
Oct 25, 2022•35 min•Season 1Ep. 90
Citibank Renovations And More
Based on zero evidence, I feel as though most podcasts phone it in for episode 89, and listen... I get it. It's not episode 90 and lord knows it isn't 100, but that's just it, it's episode 89. It's not some huge landmark, not some big to do. It's casual, informal; let's change into pajamas and order some pizza, and sometimes? Those are the nights you remember. No, this episode 89 is not lackluster, in fact, it's full of luster, positively glistening with banter covering topics such as Citi Bank ...
Oct 18, 2022•44 min•Season 1Ep. 89
Mini Pumpkin Trough Etc.
An inspired parking lot tangent, a deep dive on a trunk issue, a disappointing juice purchase, going through customs at London Heathrow. In short, a slay.
Oct 04, 2022•40 min•Season 1Ep. 88
Loose German Shepard Etc.
If anyone needs me during episode 87, I'll be on nextdoor app... any questions? Didn't think so.
Sep 27, 2022•33 min•Season 1Ep. 87
Baggage Claim Etc.
Episode 86 finds us three weeks into an emotional plantain chip cleanse, being in London when the Queen passed, and welcoming Werther's back into the conversation. All this plus alfalfa sprouts, a potentially problematic wheat grass shot, and not letting the concept of rain deter you- what does that mean? Guess you'll have to listen to find out. Ciao.
Sep 20, 2022•33 min•Season 1Ep. 86
California Pizza Kitchen Etc.
An unexpected trip to Westfield Century City (not sponsored) is afoot and emotions are running high.
Aug 09, 2022•37 min•Season 1Ep. 85
Soy Sauce Etc.
A kitten named Gigi, a chocolate croissant excursion, as well as other sizzling observations.
Aug 02, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 84
Live Watermelon Slicing Etc.
Waking up dizzy will not stop me from recording episode 83 nor will it stop me from facilitating a live watermelon slicing... throw in an Aunty Ann cameo and we've got ourselves a short, as well as extremely sweet episode.
Jul 26, 2022•18 min•Season 1Ep. 83
Sand Bar Etc.
"Where's episode 82?!" The townspeople cried, most of them in absolute hysterics. With earth shattering topics such as: a barnes and noble gift card, eating a lobster roll on a beach in rhode island, and volleyball... can you blame them? Oh, and you can call off the search party; the townspeople ending up finding episode 82... in their hearts. Good morning.
Jul 19, 2022•36 min•Season 1Ep. 82
Mobile Check Deposit Etc.
Episode 81, anyone? On the docket: becoming a member at Gap, books, and a mobile check deposit journey, which has honestly yet to be completed. Plus an encore involving the heavenly event that was dining at a new sweetgreen location. Blessed to have a platform.
Jun 28, 2022•37 min•Season 1Ep. 81
Episode 80
Emojis in emails, being a really good skier, a deep dive on Quaker Oats Oatmeal flavors in which I nearly drowned, plus being an official affiliate for Odacite skincare along with my electric code CHASE15. God is good and so is episode 80.
Jun 22, 2022•27 min•Season 1Ep. 80
Wordle w/ Ahamed Weinberg
When Ahamed and I met doing open mics in 2012, there was no way for us to possibly know that a mere 10 years later we would collaborate on what we now know of as episode 79. Absolutely zero ways to understand that we would be discussing enrapturing topics such as: buying stuff in another city, root canals, and water. Positively impossible that we could perceive of us playing several rounds of Wordle... without ever visiting the Wordle website. But that's the thing about time. We didn't know need...
Jun 14, 2022•1 hr 26 min•Season 1Ep. 79
Dear Being In A Dressing Room When Your Heart's Not In It
Had no idea I was going to be this hydrated for episode 78 but at the same time it makes so much sense. My unprecedented levels of hydration gave me the boost I needed to tackle mesmerizing topics such as: My mom's hula hoop, Stranger Things, Subway, the concept of reserved parking. Polishing off the last sips of my Hydro Flask (20 oz) as I type this...
Jun 07, 2022•28 min•Season 1Ep. 78
Dear Having To Hold Stuff While You Walk
100%... the amount of energy i'm giving to episode 77. 43%... the amount CVS is giving me off one item of my choice. All that, plus: an eyelash curler emergency, an emotional plant purchase, and several chaotic parking meter instances. You're welcome.
May 31, 2022•40 min•Season 1Ep. 77
Dear People Who Park At A Meter Even Though There's Free Street Parking Not 3 Feet Away
After a brief hiatus, zero time is wasted getting back into sizzling topics such as: the parking situation at my old stomping grounds aka pop physique, and getting a spray tan in Glendale. Something to keep in mind during episode 76... I'm on one.
May 24, 2022•47 min•Season 1Ep. 76
Live From The W Hotel For Netflix Is A Joke: The Festival
Reporting live from the W Hotel in Hollywood with a headset mic and I've never felt more alive. It's May 1st and I've already found the strength to do a live swag bag unboxing in a black tube top, as well as escort myself to Pavilions with wet hair. "Shoot for the stars, so if you fall... you land on the rooftop of the W Hotel recording a live podcast for Netflix Is A Joke: The Festival, surrounded by one guy named Jake and two named John." Electric.
May 03, 2022•31 min•Season 1Ep. 75
Live From My Mom's House Interlude
Happy birthday to the twins I went to Hebrew school with. The story behind one of my most risqué journalism pieces. Construction at my mom's house. Juice, and my impression of Amanda Seyfried's impression of Elizabeth Holmes. Unlike the container store- episode 74 cannot be contained.
Apr 26, 2022•35 min•Season 1Ep. 74
Dear The Tofu I Bought But Ultimately Never Made
My CVS coupons are BACK. Plus- a new shelf situates itself in my life, what to do with free time, the NBA playoffs, the concept of being a chemist... all discussed while my hair is peaking and my leg hurts. Episode 73!
Apr 19, 2022•42 min•Season 1Ep. 73
Dear Wordle
I find the best episodes are recorded fresh off a stint in Cabo, and episode 72 is no exception. A new plantain chip enters the arena, the concept of starting a new book before you've finished the one you're reading absolutely barrels into the chat. Accidentally free form rock climbing as well as nightly planks, I mean wow- this episode is reminiscent of the crust at Domino's... stuffed.
Apr 12, 2022•34 min•Season 1Ep. 72
Dear Driving At Night
Episode 71 comes in pouring... rain. A trying time at the Kreation buy one get one event nearly sends me over the edge but luckily I'm able to grab onto the ledge of the cliff with one hand and hoist myself back onto steady ground. Phew. Plus- not using carts at the grocery store, doing opposites... honestly nothing I type in this box could ever communicate the electricity that is episode 71.
Mar 29, 2022•37 min•Season 1Ep. 71
Dear People Who Turn Down An Offer To Have Their Seat Warmer On
Episode 70 finds us stranded in the desert sans chapstick, as well as on the phone with Supercuts... nothing short of a banger.
Mar 22, 2022•34 min•Season 1Ep. 70
Fruit w/ Billy Scafuri
Cancel every plan you've ever had- an earth shattering round of Three Up, Three Down is afoot.
Mar 15, 2022•1 hr 9 min•Season 1Ep. 69
Dear Foamy Hand Soap
Episode 68 finds us back at the Honda Service Center where tensions and oil are running high. Doesn't really make sense but also, you get it. As if that's not enough- water fountains and unnecessary umbrellas are touched upon. Call the lord and tell him to take the day off... because I'm doing his work.
Mar 08, 2022•36 min•Season 1Ep. 68
A Walk Around The Reservoir w/ Lizzy Ann Cooperman
Lizzy Ann Cooperman graces the studio armed with nothing but her natural charisma, where together, she and Chase recount the heroic journey that has been their experience with the Hollywood Reservoir. If you're looking for an upright stone i'm afraid you won't find one... because they were all left unturned.
Mar 01, 2022•55 min•Season 1Ep. 67
San Diego Interlude
The perils of packing, a rogue Michelada, a braided bun (an award winning haiku as well as the description for episode 66)
Feb 22, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 66
Dear Listerine Strips
An overdue campaign against Altoids. A controversial take on Cheer. Panic attacks at the Rose Bowl flea market. The Super Bowl. Say what you will about episode 65 but at the end of the day it's not lacking in bowls...
Feb 15, 2022•37 min•Season 1Ep. 65
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