¶ The Aging Importance of Sex
Are you saying you faked with me ? Yeah , I just can't say oh , oh , oh , oh , I can't wrong now you're single .
What do you know about sexual relations ? Is it true that if you don't use it , you use it ?
I'm a little worried about being a slut . You're listening to the Come With Us podcast Talking the good , the kinky and the ugly . Here are your hosts , beth and Erin . Hello , hello , hello .
Are you sexy ? Hold and hold . We're gonna talk about sex as you get older . Oh my God , for all you young folks out there , I can't believe I'm so fucking old . But yeah , I'm like 58 years old . That's fricking old . But God , sex is so good and here's the coolest thing we're gonna tell you why and how it's so fricking good for you .
Anyway , this is obviously a topic close to my heart , but also universally significant , and we'll talk about not only why having great sexy fun is important , even as you get older especially maybe when you get older but also how you can keep having great sexy fun at any age , despite whatever health things and things are going on .
So fulfilling love life it's not just a luxury , it is essential . Anyway , I'm Beth Darling , so glad that you're here with us . You can find me . You can find my book , the Five Kinds of Intimacy , which will help you keep a good , happy , romantic , sexy love life going . It's called the Five Kinds of Intimacy how to Keep your Love Alive .
You can find it on Amazon or on my website , bethdarlingcom , and I'm here with Erin who oh my God , you're so fucking young now .
I am not .
You are , you're in your 30s and something like I forget that there's this huge age gap between us . It's just sometimes it shocks me when I think about it , because I mean okay , my birth certificate says I'm in my 30s .
Yes , but if I were to die right this minute and be not modified but buried and then experts were to dig up my bones later , the bones would show that I am like 50 or something like that , because my knees are shit , my ankles are shit Like .
I have lived a hard life of jumping bike ramps and being a dumb ass and moving cars and all kinds of dumb stuff .
Yeah , that is stupid .
And my body is paid for it . My body is now paying for it , when I thought I was invincible . Clearly , 19 year old Erin was fucking wrong .
Well , they say age is in the mind and I'm like , no , no , no , that's bullshit . Age is in the body , because my mind I'm still like 28 years old . In fact , sometimes I'll find myself I'll be running through an airport because I'm late or something , and I'm thinking I'm just this 28 year old running through an airport .
And then I have this out of body experience and I go , oh shit , like other people see this old lady running through the airport . Why are you running through an airport ? Because I was going to miss a flight and I had forgotten my iPad because I had forgotten my iPad why Las ?
Vegas airport at the security and I had to run all the way fucking back and they had that pilot was nice and help the plane for me . But yeah , now it's sweating buckets and I was coughing like crazy because I get asthma with that , Anyway
¶ Sex and Brain Health Impact
, so anyway . So we're not going to talk about bad health things just because I'm old . We're not going to talk about vitamins and shit .
No , but you're forgetful at 20 . You have the memory of a 90 year old .
Yes , I know it's ridiculous , it is insane .
It is insane you need an actual oompa loompa to follow you around . No , I just keep track of all your shit . Yes , I do , I need to .
Exactly . That is absolutely true Swallow , I know , to eat dinner , yes , something other than a milkshake , anyway . So All right , but anyway .
So we're going to just , we're going to just myth bust here , which is the myth that intimacy , that sexy fun , diminishes as we get older and that it's not important and we can just let it go by the wayside because that's just bullshit .
So , all right , you want to tell them about the article and the research that you that you found , Aaron , because I loved it .
Yeah , I mean . So researchers were looking at men and women in their what some people call golden years , 62 to 74 .
And those that actually describe two researchers their sex life as very pleasurable or enjoyable or whatever , saying that they enjoyed their sex life , had better brain , cognitive , like scores and like better brain activity , which now makes me realize every single person in Congress is not getting laid because they are all dumber than a brick .
So good for them , yeah .
So now I'm thinking , oh , does my my bad memory these days ? Does that mean I need to have more sex ?
You probably should . Wow , I mean there was a whole . There was a whole Seinfeld episode about it . Elaine got dumber the more she didn't have sex . George got smarter the more he didn't have sex . Oh , I didn't know that . That's funny .
But I mean , but , but I like that . And then what also people should know , and I love this for people age 75 to 90 , sex didn't even have to be that good . It just had to be frequent to have a beneficial effect on their brain health . Right , yeah , isn't that freaking awesome yeah .
Yes and no , because I hope you're still having good sex , like at least mediocre like . Oh , it's not about the quality , oh , I still hope quality is there .
Well , I don't enjoy it . But maybe people are saying they enjoy it , but it's not like maybe , because then maybe their mobility isn't that great , so maybe it's not the the wild sex that they you know , who knows ? It didn't go into that sort of detail , but that's why you're young .
Young for the wild sex . When you're old , you're yeah , you're trying to break a hip . Yeah , there you go . Is it swinging from a freaking chandelier ?
No , are you doing ?
it no , but guess what ? You're still getting it in . Have fun with that .
Yeah , yeah , but I love that . So truly having good sex , Good sexy fun , helps improve your brain function . All right , do people , married couples . I think you need to write this down . This is why , right , wanting a good , sexy life is not Trivial , it is not meaningless .
Even if you don't believe a word I talk about in my five kinds of intimacy , where I tell you that sexual intimacy is Just as important as emotional intimacy . If you don't believe me , at least believe the science , the research that shows it helps your brain stay healthy .
So I say I not to lose your shit Laughing at Thanksgiving dinner when your grandfather can't remember where his fork is , when it's sitting on his fucking plate .
Okay , so you should send him this article , because I already sent it to my dad , who's 83 , and I sent it to my dad and his girlfriend . They're like we agree . In fact , we were just talking the other day . My dad was saying that his he said like he just is realizing his memory is not as good as it used to be and his memory used to be fantastic .
So now his memory is still way better than mine , but it's not as good as it used to be .
It's not difficult right but .
But so now it's like , oh , maybe if he has more sex his memory will be better how old 83 he still works full-time . I mean , they travel all over . Yeah , they're , it's awesome , it's really it's wonderful to see . But and he had a prostate removed . Sorry , I'm just airing my dad's laundry .
Yeah , I'm sure he loves this knowing that we do he does because he told me that . Um that , because when I have clients that have had prostate cancer and stuff which is why my dad had his resume he's like no , make sure they know they can still orgasm . He's like a week after my surgery I could orgasm Okay .
I don't want you doing it that soon , but no , I don't think they want you doing erections and stuff , but that's harder .
That's separate . Yeah , that's not funny , but anyway . So , um , so they're thinking that , um , let's see why . Why does sex help our brain ? So what they said ?
They think that it's the stress relieving benefits , that those are good , as well as the release of the pleasure hormone , dopamine , which also , like , not only helps us , it helps us feel good and it helps keep our brains healthy because , like depression and stuff is , when you don't have a healthy brain and the more depressed and stressed you are than the more
your body doesn't work as well . So , yeah , um , and then , okay , I also I didn't know this that stress prevents the formation of neurons in the hippocampus , an Area of the brain that's associated with memory .
No God , then I ? How do I remember ?
Yeah , I don't know , but I'm always stressed yeah , so that's part of how much better my memory would be .
I'd be like that dude in limitless . I'd remember everything , ever .
Yeah , cuz you remember shit , tons of trivia and stuff already I know , yeah , and I'm stressed all the time , right , so yeah , you could be fucking brilliant . I could be yeah , yeah that would be good , but um and Okay . So yeah , higher levels of dopamine is linked to improved memory in older adults .
So sure it's older adults , but I gotta believe that's throughout lifetime . That a higher level of dopamine is Improves your memory . So maybe that means that before you had take a big test and stuff , or while you're studying , you know , and preparing for exams and stuff , you should be having lots of sex to get lots of dopamine .
Because , you're stressed that yeah , so that's
¶ Sex and Aging
a .
What is sex ? A stress reliever .
Yes , exactly . And now you can say but I need it , it's gonna help me do I don't know . I mean most of our .
I've seen the demographics most of our listeners are , unless they're doing like post grad or graduate work .
The bar exam . Yeah , CPA .
Past the test , the regular test taking thing .
Yeah , that's true , and I don't know .
It will not help you pass that test if you're not past the test taking point . Well here , good luck on your next test . I don't know what it's about , but study hard and yeah .
I like that and okay , and also so people , 75 to 90 , it's funny . I'd say , oh , I need to tell my dad to listen to this episode , but maybe he'd be annoyed at me talking about it , so I won't tell him . But 75 to 90 . When I said the sex didn't have to be good , it just had to be frequent . You know what frequent is for 75 to 90 year olds .
I'm gonna say once a month .
No , just once a week . Oh , oh , once a week . So people should be able to do it , and it doesn't necessarily steering wheels .
Right now there are guys in their 30s and 40s and 20s punching their fucking steering wheels Right .
I know , because they're not having it once week . But so also note that it doesn't have to be intercourse , it doesn't have to be penetration and it doesn't have to be orgasm . The orgasm certainly helps , because with orgasm we get more of these happy chemicals .
Yeah , yeah . As far as the you know being jealous that old people are getting on more than you guys , I will say this my wife and I have had this conversation of Like yes , we both want it more right now , but we also both work full-time jobs , we both live life and all that stuff .
The reason you're gonna have more sex when you're old provided you and your partner are compatible and still doing it is because you're retired . You ain't got shit to do , you're watching TV , you're going taking your grandkids on a walk and then when they're gone , guess what ?
You look at each other and go knock it out Like that's another benefit of staying married for retirement and all that stuff . Yeah , but that couple who last from last week they've been married 43 years Right , right . They're at the point I have .
I hope they're at the point where they're both retired and especially now using your book to help with the intimacy thing . They look at each other every couple of days and they're like , fuck , what else we got to do ? Right , right , let's get some time . We watched this episode of SVU so many times . Fuck it , no , let's fuck each other . Yes .
Yes , yeah , and for those of you who didn't listen , one you should go back and listen to last week , because we talked about secrets behind couples and fantasies and things like that that they have even in the midst of sexy fun together .
But it was a couple that the wife wrote to me and said that after 43 years of marriage with ups and downs , that her husband , she had already read my book and her husband wanted to read it because he liked that I talk about sexy fun and that sexy fun is important , so he's reading it .
And she was like thank you , it's given us a new lease on our relationship .
So yeah , it was really good Enjoy your retirement , enjoy your time together , I mean you've only talked . Yeah , you've run out of things to say . You know each other , like once you get to like .
This is the thing is that if you're married , like if you're getting married right before retirement , that's one thing , but if you're married 20 , 30 , 40 years and you retire together , guess what ? You've heard every fucking story that the other person has .
Right , so you need to do something fun .
So many times . Guess what gets different a little bit every time sex .
Well , and especially if you're willing to .
There's always a tiny bit different . Right and to get new , like you can get new vibrators . There are devices and products that are geared for people who are older . There are different loops that will help make things more pleasurable for the Volvo owners . There are all sorts of things .
I know that's the PC term , but anyway , we're not using that for the women .
Okay so , but or for people doing ass play right and maybe you've never done , and that's the thing . You can be a virgin , it's something at any age , but okay , wait . One more fact thing that I thought was really interesting is that the size , the effect of good sex later in life was comparable to the advantage that people got by a longer education .
So in other words , people who who's like . If you go to college versus not finishing high school , your brain tends to be a little bit more developed and stuff , and so having good sexy can make up for that . So if you haven't gone to university , have lots of sex and help your brain get to the point of being like you had gone .
It won't give you the particular information or knowledge , perhaps , but it'll make it strong if you will .
But I think it's kind of cool . Here's my fun side Ran . If you didn't go to college or whatever and you were turning a wrench at a car factory or you're an electrician or whatever , you went to the military . Guess what you probably had ? Well , unless you were in the military .
But you probably were less stressed in your career than the guy who had to handle 18 law cases at a time because he just kept going to school and ended up , you know , Drowning in books and paperwork and shit . At least I hope so .
Yeah , I don't know .
There's something cathartic to me when working with my hands and fixing stuff , so right , and that's the thing people I'm good with .
I think people should do whatever their passion is , and it doesn't necessarily have to be going to college , but you do want to keep your brain in the best shape possible , right ?
We'll never stop learning . Yeah , we both agree . Yeah .
So I'm not trying to put anybody down , I'm just saying that's a good , good reason even more to say , hey , honey , I really I got to have more sex , just gotta have more sighting . So I think that's gonna be good so and Okay . So , and the way that you can do that is one you do want to kind of keep your body in somewhat decent shape .
Some mobility is helpful , and so Any sort of cardio can help you improve your sexy Activity and your your pleasure in it . It's really hard to have a great orgasm . It's hard for you to breathe and some flexibility . You know , take up some yoga or something or just do some stretching and things like that .
But partly because just getting cramps and everything and not being able to move is just decreases your own pleasure , that's all . It's not like you have to do the whole comma sutra , but you do want to be able to move and and Make room for somebody to get in between your legs Everybody's seen somebody doing the old man shuffle .
You don't want to do that , yeah . Yeah , so you want to In bending your joints as long as you can , and hopefully that's till the day that you know . So you , you get called home or whatever . So , yeah , stretching like I'm bad about it too , I try to .
I know I had talked to somebody who works out a Fuck ton About being busy and not having time because I'm chubby . Now I've stopped working out and they were like dude , just get up the first three , five minutes there every morning . Stretch , if you're like , because I'm 35 , I can still touch my toes . That's something stupid . I never thought .
If you had asked again 19 year old erin , do you think you'll be able to do that ? I would have been like you're out of your fucking mind If you think when I hit 35 I'll still be able to , like , touch my toes and do you know ? Oh , wow , squat , thrust and all that stuff . But yeah , stretching is definitely a good thing .
I need to be better about it and practice .
Practice your tongue exercises Right , keep that in shape , because oral , oral can still be so much fun , even if it's just laying on your side , right , if nobody can get on top of one another , lay on your side and just sit down and have a good , strong tongue . So , um , you know , can't you see lessons at the nursing homes and stuff ?
Okay , let's do our tongue stretches .
You found a new business or a new , uh , a new nonprofit thing to do .
I should do that . It would be so much fun .
Teaching old people to have sex ?
Yeah Well , how to have really good sex these days ? Yes , absolutely so , um , and Recognize again , loop is so huge because menopause is one of the things that it affects women , as some women so powerfully right . Whether it's just being miserable from hot flashes , whether it's just being so dry , whatever fear our bodies change and then we're unhappy with it .
So , whatever those issues are , just recognize , like , stop trying to compare yourself to what you were when you were 19 or 20 or 30 and just again . I just always think about my old cottage . You know , my shop , darling Way , was in a cottage that was over 100 years old and there were holes in the floor and the windows wouldn't open .
It was the air conditioning didn't work well , but it had so much warmth and so much goodness and everybody loved being in there . So your pussy might be dry , your cock might not get as hard as it as it really was , but , good God , it can still have warmth , you can still have power and pleasure and enjoy .
Did you just compare a postman apostle's woman veg to a 100 year old cottage in the Houston Heights ?
Yes , yeah . Actually I think if we all looked at our bodies , like some people really like the woods , now see if you did that and it's okay , I do that , and oh fuck , aaron's an asshole for saying that . No , I'm just saying that we should appreciate right people like the antiques and stuff . There is value to being old .
Oh my God , hey , it's , yeah , you're right , it's a good thing , guys guys , do not say you love your wife's pussy at 65 years old because you love antiques . Dear God , for your sake , for mine , so she doesn't fucking kill you . Do not compare your wife's pussy to an antique .
That's probably in this stuff .
And if you do that was best fault Beth at darlingwaycom or Beth Darling .
Beth Darlingcom .
Send your emails to her , not to me , not to come with us . Confessions at gmailcom .
Great .
¶ Age, Relationships, and Sexual Language Discussion
I did not say that you should be calling your wife's badge an antique . Don't ever call anything on your wife an antique . I don't care how antique she is .
Oh my God , I love . It . All right , I really did .
I totally correct myself Somebody's gonna get shot in our audience 68-year-old woman two 72-year-old husband over calling her an antique when asking for sex , the story coming up at 10 .
Right , I'm gonna have clients that are gonna now rag on me forever and calling me an antique . I know it , I deserve it , I get it . I'm sorry .
I hope that your 88-year-old client from Loveick or whatever . Oh yeah , you gotta be what ? 90 something by now .
Yeah , I gotta reach out to Helen . Helen , if you are out there listening to me , please let us know how you're doing .
She did not call you an antique , Helen . You're not an antique .
No , you're freaking awesome . Oh , my God , I'll never forget when she came into my shop and all of her energy and telling me about her , her boyfriend and her great sexy life at 85 and she took my blowjob class . Yes , she is still my role model .
That is who I want to be like , so , yeah , Also be careful not that I've done this , luckily , because I have my filter sometimes works between my brain and my tongue Don't , no matter what age , call your wife a cougar . I know somebody who did and his wife was not happy with it and he was like , well , like we're at that age range , like that .
She was like I don't give a shit , you don't call me a cougar Like wait .
Why was she Trump ? Because he was younger than she .
No , just in general , like saying , like , saying , like I know friends who have had a kid and now he calls his wife a milf .
Yeah .
Yeah , well , there's another older couple that I know . When he called her a cougar one time and she was like I'm not a fucking cougar , oh , and he's like , and she , she basically took it as he was calling her old , oh , okay , okay .
So like she understood that he was calling her sexy but also at the same time , was like yeah , I'm not fucking old , don't call me a cougar , because that means I'm old .
Oh see , because when I was dating younger guys , I got well that's the definition of .
That's the definition of a cougar .
I just didn't like that because I was like I'm not , I'm not looking for younger , it's just that I happen to be like to me , a Looking for youngers , and I just fell into it . If you will , I got , but you enjoyed it , oh hell yeah . But young and dumb they just .
You know , it wasn't the best sex , don't get me wrong , but I mean it was fun , it was flattering and and it was interesting . But no , they're , they don't know Again .
Nothing personal , but if you've learned everything you possibly can , but you're only 24 years old , then somebody who's 48 years old , who's learned everything possible , is gonna have had 24 years to learn more . So and if they haven't taken advantage of that , then they're just foolish . So you know , don't let that happen .
So young and dumb .
It's not a judgment , it's just a statement .
Just doesn't matter , You're never gonna learn everything , right ?
But I mean it's just you can only learn so much in 24 years . Oh yeah 48 years , you can learn more . So it's that's what I'm saying . It's not judgment to be .
This is why , and and don't make me go down the the path that there should be an age maximum on presidency . But there's also an age minimum on the presidency and the reason that was put there was because at 28 years old you don't know shit . You don't need to be in charge of the most powerful country in the world at 28, .
Right , I agree , that's seven years ago for me , and I was dumber than shit . I was married , I had a house . I was still dumber than shit .
Oh my god , I had like four kids at 28 or something . Yeah , you know , I had my fifth kid at 31 .
I'm still young enough that I look back and I'm like dude . That was only seven years ago , but I was still stupid . I wouldn't trust myself to run the entire world at 28 years old .
I know I remember thinking like that . I was so mad at my mother that she couldn't . She got mad at me every time I was pregnant and I was like , oh , but I know everything right . So for 10 years , from 21 to 31 , god I did . I thought I knew every fucking thing and I was so stupid , so stupid . So now my kids are older than you know .
Then I was when I had my first three kids and I'm like all right , I'm really sorry mom , I actually I am sorry . I Get it . I would be upset if my kids had had five kids by now . So anyway , so Okay , well , I think we should probably go , because I think we're both getting a little slap happy . Yeah , I don't want to insult anybody else here .
Ladies , you're not Antiques , your badges aren't antiques . And what else did you call them , good Lord ?
Yeah , I don't know , but cottages and . Um , to be fair , this it is my birthday , so age is like on my mind today .
Wait what .
Yeah , yeah , today's my birthday .
Oh , happy birthday . I'm the biggest dick of a co-host ever .
No , don't know . No , no , no , I didn't want to tell you because I knew we just had to record today because it's just Life is busy , so but I think that's part of why I'm like all about this age . It's like , oh my god , I can't believe I've been around this long . It's crazy , it is fucking crazy .
Well , go get laid and get your plane activity working .
Okay , okay , I'll just call up one of my stable of studs .
There you go .
That's it . Yes , I will do so and I'll just say hey , I need some brain power .
Yeah . Yes okay , or call up one and then , when he's done , you go oh , I didn't get enough brain power and call up another one .
Oh , that would be , I was just talking to somebody about that plus one room .
Yeah .
That's what I need tonight .
We were just talking about my birthday .
Oh , yeah , yeah , well , and I told somebody I have another friend . I was like you would really like that . Oh , and for listeners Sorry , if you don't know what we're talking about , you need to go back . I forgot the name of the episode or when it was , but it was TJ from the good fellows and it was the plus one room in naughty New Orleans .
So let's go listen to that , because it still gives me , still makes me hot just thinking about it . There you go . So Anyway , if TJ was local , I'd be calling him up tonight .
I bet you would yeah .
Bring some friends , let's have a birthday party , I'm sure he knows somebody here . It's good that my dad isn't going to listen to this episode . Okay , again , slap happy . So I know I've not been drinking . By the way , people tend to think that , nope , this is me sober Anyway all right If you're older , have lots of sex .
Yes , that's it , that's right , yes brain power brain better . That's right . Instead of weedies , we just need fucking . Okay , all right , this is Beth Darling signing off . Sorry , oh , my god , I'm laughing too much , so thank you .
Thank you , thank you for joining us , for come with this podcast where you get the bare naked truth about love , sex and relationships , and , of course , you get even more sexy , fun , tips , tricks , by following us on Instagram , facebook , and don't wait , follow us , go follow us . We can't wait to see you online . Again .
If you don't have my book , you're crazy . Go get my book the five kinds of intimacy how to keep your love alive , and then let me know what it does for your relationship . Because I'm excited . I love getting these emails . So , all right , big hugs and love from Aaron and I were so glad to be on this sexy journey with you . See you next week .
Thanks for listening to the come with us podcast . Be sure to follow us on social media at come with us podcast and send in your questions , comments and confessions to come with us . Confessions at gmailcom . Until next time , keep it fun , flirty and naughty .