After nearly two decades of marriage, Staci Somes found herself at a crossroads far too many women face: should I stay or should I go? Join Amie and Alana as they talk with Staci, a licensed professional counselor and coach at Choose Recovery Services. In this raw and vulnerable conversation, Staci shares her personal journey of betrayal and the growth and healing that can be found on the other side. Listen to learn: How to tell when it’s time to leave a partnership that isn’t working What you c...
Dec 02, 2023•42 min
Do you ever feel like you have to pretend to be happy in your relationship? Are you tired of hiding your true feelings just to keep the peace? Join Amie and Alana as they talk about the problems of inauthenticity and the benefits of embracing and expressing your real thoughts and emotions. Listen to learn: What authenticity is and why it is important in healing relationships The problem with feeling like you have to pretend with your partner How drawing four circles on a piece of paper can help ...
Dec 02, 2023•27 min
Have you ever heard of the term radical self-care? Join Amie today as she uses this concept to encourage you to prepare for the up and coming holiday months so that you can be the CHOOSER of your experiences. Here is what she will cover: What is radical self-care? The importance of deep, intentional self-care. The first pillar: Awareness, including identifying beliefs, values, desires, fears, and unresolved emotions. Living in alignment with core values during the holiday season. Setting realist...
Nov 14, 2023•18 min
While couples may go through therapeutic disclosures, what about the children? They also notice problems and are able to sense when things are off. Today Amie talks with Dr. Anthony Walker, a Choose Recovery coach trained in Brainspotting and the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model through APSATS. Dr. Walker and Amie explore the what, when, and how of family disclosures as an important step in healing. Be sure to listen to the end of the episode to hear Dr. Walker share several characteristics...
Nov 07, 2023•44 min
Join Amie today as she shares an episode from her Empowered Divorce Podcast where she talks about the importance of healing from betrayal by BELIEVING your body. Your body's memory is an integral part of trauma that goes way beyond the cognitive part of your brain. The body holds so much memory and it influences your physical health, emotional wellbeing, and behavior. Acknowledging and addressing this aspect of trauma is vital to your overall healing. Trauma isn't just a psychological issue. It'...
Oct 31, 2023•27 min
We are excited to welcome Darcy Haas to the podcast today! Darcy is an RN who practices functional medicine and nutrition. She focuses on helping women address the root causes of their physical health issues. Darcy shares her own experience with betrayal trauma and her resulting health problems leading her to study and learn more about how chronic stress and trauma can physically impact the body. Listen to learn: What happens physically when our stress response is activated far longer than inten...
Oct 24, 2023•39 min
Do you ever wonder if constant triggers mean you’re stuck and not healing? While trauma triggers may last a lifetime, you can learn skills to decrease their intensity and frequency. Amie and Alana have a candid discussion about how to think about triggers, trust your inner wisdom, and rewire your brain’s reactions so you can heal, thrive, and appreciate the parts of yourself that are simply trying to protect you. Listen to learn: How to find safety within your body How to understand the root cau...
Oct 17, 2023•42 min
Join us and our guest Dr. Don St John, Ph.D as he shares his 4 pillars of healing from trauma. Here is what you will gain: Dr. St John's Trauma Background: Dr. St John's personal history of trauma and abuse. Realization of the need for healing in his own life. Understanding the importance of addressing both the mind and body in the healing process. The Four Pillars of Healing Trauma: 1. Somatic Healing: The importance of reconnecting with the body. The impact of trauma on the body's tissues and ...
Oct 10, 2023•26 min
Why Relational Recovery? Stephanie shares her personal journey and how it led her to become passionate about relational recovery. The transformation she experienced in her own life after partner betrayal. The importance of helping others experience positive transformations in their lives. The Possibility of Healing Discussing the possibility of healing and recovery in relationships. Highlighting the need for both partners to be willing and invested in the process. Emphasizing that relational rep...
Oct 03, 2023•34 min
What You'll Learn What is differentiation Why its helpful to learn how to differentiate Why both spouses need to do this work Referenced in this episode: In this podcast episode, Alana reflects on her graduate school experience and provides updates on their podcast. She discusses her initial exposure to Murray Bowen's model of Bowen theory as she delves into her own personal discoveries about differentiation in therapy. Alana shares how she struggled with maintaining her identity while emotional...
Sep 26, 2023•15 min
Do you find yourself saying, “I’m fine” when you’re not? Join Amie and Alana as they explore why we try to convince ourselves and others that we are okay when we’re actually struggling. Get ready to dig deeper into what your “I’m fine” response is really trying to communicate. Listen to learn: How to get curious when you find yourself saying you’re fine even when you’re not How to recognize “pink flags” so you can gain awareness around these patterns Why it’s important to feel your feelings and ...
Sep 19, 2023•20 min
Do you spend endless hours trying to diagnose your partner and obsessing over their intentions and motivations? In this week's episode, Amie and Alana are giving you permission to stop overanalyzing your partner and to shift the focus back to yourself. You'll walk away feeling empowered, with insight into where to direct your energy during your recovery journey. Tune in to learn: How the confusion of analyzing your partner can drain your energy Why the impact of your partner’s behavior matters m...
Sep 12, 2023•20 min
Betrayal is painful enough, but what if your partner uses their recovery against you? This week we dive into the complicated dynamics of betrayers weaponizing their healing. Join Amie and Alana as they explore the nuances of weaponizing recovery work including what it is, how to spot it, why it happens, and how you can protect yourself. *BIG disclaimer with this topic - weaponizing can go both ways, and this episode is not intended to be used against your partner either. Listen to learn: Specifi...
Sep 05, 2023•43 min
Join Alana Gordon and Hali Roderick as we talk about the need for men to gain the skill set on how to help their wife heal after betrayal if they want relational healing. If you would like to learn more about the Help Her Heal Course, go to www.chooserecoveryservices.com. Help Her Heal for Men with Hali Roderick https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/ We are starting a new group called Help Her Heal , that teaches men about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication....
Sep 02, 2023•13 min
“It is time to define betrayal violence.” That is the message that our guest, Hope Ray, wants to offer today. Hope is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and a Certified Hope and Freedom Practitioner. Listen to hear how Hope uses the term “betrayal violence” and how she feels those powerful words give a more thorough definition of the experience of betrayed partners. In this episode you will learn: How Hope defines the word “violence” and applies that term to re...
Aug 29, 2023•41 min
Last week we learned about the important role our nervous system plays in regulating our bodies. This week Amie and Alana are here to continue that conversation and to give you practical, tangible things you can do right now to help engage and relax your central nervous system. Tune in to learn: What bodily discomfort may be telling you. What to remember if the work you’re doing seems NOT to be working. Specific strategies you can implement on your own to regulate your nervous system. Ways a pro...
Aug 22, 2023•26 min
We are excited to welcome Psychotherapist and Betrayal Navigation Coach, KayLee Dunn, to this week’s episode of Choose to Be. KayLee talks through the brain science behind trauma and will help you better understand your body’s survival responses and how to turn them into your superpower. With relatable personal examples, relevant research, and empathy for your experience, this is a valuable episode you won’t want to miss! Listen to Learn: What fight, flight, and freeze looks like and what you ca...
Aug 15, 2023•57 min
Many women suffering from betrayal not only emotionally detach from their partners, but they also detach from themselves. In preparation for next week’s episode with Mental Health Therapist, KayLee Dunn, Amie and Alana wanted to give you some ideas to think about, sit with, and journal on around the topic of emotional detachment. Listen to learn how you may be using emotional detachment as a coping mechanism while working through the devastating effects of betrayal. Tune in to learn: How disasso...
Aug 08, 2023•21 min
👮 Do you find yourself policing your partner, feeling the need to repeatedly check their phone, their whereabouts, and their actions? First, this is NORMAL after betrayal, and second, this isn’t a place you want to stay long term. There ARE ways to let go of these habits in a way that will move you from feeling powerless to empowered. Amie and Alana break down the whys of hypervigilance as they encourage you to get curious about some of your behaviors after betrayal. Tune in to learn: What is c...
Aug 01, 2023•38 min
Are triggers getting in the way of your ability to recognize your gut feelings? And what’s the difference between the two? After going through trauma, it can become confusing to distinguish between which feelings are legitimate alarm bells and what’s a false alarm. Amie and Alana share real life examples, relatable analogies, and helpful tips to help you get to the bottom of these feelings in this week’s episode. Tune in to learn: How to identify if you have safety in your relationship How regul...
Jul 25, 2023•35 min
There’s no such thing as bad support, right? Wrong! Amie and Alana welcome you to a chat about times you may be getting “support” that isn’t truly supporting your healing journey. Find out what helps and what is holding you back when it comes to getting the support you need in this week’s episode of the Choose to Be Podcast. Tune in to learn: What does healthy and unhealthy support look like? What does it mean to have “friends of your marriage?” How to manage friendships with unhealthy support? ...
Jul 18, 2023•21 min
As a trailblazer and thought-leader in the field of gaslighting, Sarah Morales has redefined gaslighting to help reduce the stigmatization, fear, and powerlessness around the term. This week, Sarah joins Amie and Alana to share what gaslighting looks like, what it takes to repair a relationship with gaslighting, and whether or not chronic gaslighters are capable of healing. Don’t miss this episode to learn: Why those in recovery continue to gaslight. What you might be getting wrong about gasligh...
Jul 11, 2023•1 hr 2 min
Have you ever heard the saying, “Grief is a luxury for the brain that feels safe?” This is a quote from Dr. Jake Porter, and it might sound like an oxymoron, but it’s true! Amie and Alana share how grief is a luxury, and how you can’t get there unless you’re feeling safe within yourself, your body, and your emotions. Tune into this episode to learn: A quick review of the stages of grief How a separation from your partner gives you the space to grieve The connection between relational safety and ...
Jul 04, 2023•28 min
Are you navigating parenting a child who struggles with compulsive behaviors? For those who have experienced betrayal trauma, this can bring up a lot of fears, triggers, and concern. Amie and Alana are joined this week by special guest, Marriage and Family Therapist, Jeremy Leavitt, to discuss the exploratory and compulsive behaviors your children may be experiencing, and how you can help. Plus, listen to the end for the one potentially awkward question Jeremy recommends all parents ask their te...
Jun 27, 2023•37 min
Join us for part four of the four-part series on therapeutic separations. In this episode, Amie, Alana, and Luke break down the pieces of what the separation can entail to help work towards reunification and reintegration back into the home and relationship. They discuss what things to watch for, markers to know you might be ready, and what to do if your partner isn't doing their part. Is your relationship trying to heal from infidelity, sexual addiction, or other forms of betrayal? Whether you ...
Jun 20, 2023•39 min
This is part three of a four-part series on therapeutic separations. In this episode, Amie and Alana break down the pieces of a therapeutic agreement for separation. This agreement outlines the terms and conditions agreed upon by the couple as they undergo the separation process. It serves as a framework to establish clear boundaries, expectations, and goals. Listen to learn the 12 critical questions outlined in the agreement, including: What are the goals for the separation? What are the expect...
Jun 13, 2023•30 min
This is part two of a four-part series on therapeutic separations. Last week Amie and Alana covered why you might need a separation and the feelings that come up while making this decision. This week, Luke Gordon joins to discuss how to prepare for a separation, and what to expect emotionally, mentally, and physically. Tune in to learn: How a marriage separation could benefit your relationship. Situations where it’s important to spend time apart. Fears you may experience when considering a separ...
Jun 06, 2023•33 min
Considering a separation can feel daunting and intimidating. This episode is the first of a 4-part series on separation. In this episode, Amie and Alana walk you through the basics of what a separation actually is, the 4 types of separations you could consider, the benefits of spending some time apart, and what you need to think about when considering a separation. Amie and Alana will encourage you to pay attention to your body, your needs, and your safety as you navigate this difficult decision...
May 30, 2023•27 min
Are you trying to heal you relationship after its been destroyed by lies, betrayal, infidelity, problematic sexual behaviors, or sexual addiction? Join us for a free Q&A and webinar the last Sunday of every month. Register by going to ChooseRecoveryServices.com Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services • Choose Betrayal Trauma Healing for Women - This weekly support group is for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help to cope with the symptoms of trauma suc...
May 25, 2023•3 min
Going through something traumatic can feel like having a rug ripped out from underneath you, leaving you feeling disoriented and confused. It’s natural to lose trust in others and in yourself as you work through processing what has happened to you. In this episode, Alana will help you gain an understanding of how to find yourself again. Alana will share 8 essential steps to finding yourself after trauma, like: Acknowledging your experience with self-compassion Understanding and identifying usefu...
May 23, 2023•19 min
