![The Most Disastrous Press Tour Of All Time [throw back] - podcast episode cover](https://assets.metacast.app/images/episode/artwork/yDUIvZJF)
You're listening to a Muma Mia podcast.
Mama Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to cancel The Lazy Girl's Guide to Bizarre celebrity cancelations. I'm Jesse Stevens and I'm Claire Stephens, and we are putting on a hot pod Summer hear at Mumma.
Mea Summer Summer Sight.
I didn't not just.
Say that, which means we'll be releasing our absolute favorite moments across this holiday period. And on top of all that, all podcasts at Muma Maya will have brand new episodes dropping about the topics we couldn't stop talking about this year,
all curated especially for you. Today, we need to talk about Dakoda Johnson, the star of Fifty Shades of Gray, which was a global box office here, but we're not talk Madam movies today because the greatest thing the Dakota Johnson has ever done is the press tour for Madam Webb. Some may call it the disastrous press tour, others would call it very entertaining. Dakota might just be our favorite
Nepo baby we've ever welcomed. Into the council courtroom. She doesn't really give a fuck, which is what us lazy girls can totally relate to. From lying in interviews to sleeping for far too long, We've unpacked it all. Were our sentences too harsh? You decide this is a moment from our big episode on Dakota Johnson moving on to Madam Webb.
I have a new movie coming out. It's called Madam Webb.
It is in the.
Marvel universe, and it also stars Sidney Sweeney. So it's kind of like if AI generated your boyfriend's perfect movie.
Dakota Johnson describes Madam Webb as absolutely psychotic. I don't know anything about it, and I agree, I don't know where to begin. Jersey White, everyone in Madam Webb, everyone you've ever met, Sidney Sweeney is Adam Webb. And I think that's a strange call. Weren't you working on other things she was, such as that romantic comedy anyone but you? Let's start with the trailer.
A week ago, I spent my life racing against time.
I'm gonna help you out today, okay.
Trying to save people who are running out of it, until one moment changed everything. I've been having visions. I knew he was gonna die. I think I'm seeing the future.
Have you seen the viral meme from the trailer about the Amazon? No, No, all, I've seen tweets about how bad it is and like some quotes where it's like, I am Madam Webb. Okay, well this has gone absolutely viral and they put it to you know who else doesn't notice going viral? Dakota. She doesn't have a fine. I swear to god, this is the clip that everyone saw and just the internet fucking lost again.
He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.
Let me just I'm going to repeat to you the line that's gone absolutely viral. He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders just before she died. The more I hear this sentence, the less I understand it. He spider man. No, because she was researching spiders. He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders before she died. Okay, before her mom died, Yes, before she died. She was in
the Amazon researching spiders with him. The sentences doing me something about the subject and the I don't know who he was. She's in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders just before she died. It seems Spider Webby and Spider Many in Madame and Madame Madam Webby. It went so viral because no one could understand it, and it ended up being cut from the actual film.
With that sound, we wouldn't have been able to hear such classic lines as You're gonna need a bigger boat, I'll have what she's having. And he was in the Amazon with my mother when she was researching spiders just before she died.
And it was put to her and everyone was like, have you seen this going viral? And she's like, I do. I don't understand why that's gone viral.
That's just a sentence.
They're like, oh, it's just out of context. It just and then she goes, doesn't anything out of context sound out of context? I think she has a point. I think she has a point. If you took any line from Oppenheimer, from Barbie out of context, yeah, it might sound funny, but this is just a like, it's clearly a premise setting line. Yeah, No, I think he was. It's in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders just before she died. I think the problem
is Madam Webb doesn't make sense. Terrible film. Everybody's mad about it. The number of sheese could be multiple. She is so true, and I just feel like if my mom had died, I wouldn't be like I would. She was spiders before she It's like, did she die from the Amazon Spiders or did she died unrelatedly ten years later? In which case, why are we thinking about the Amazon? You know a great point who died. Was it him or was it her? Lays it with spiders in the
Amazon or the Amazon. In a promotional video, she said I've always loved Marvel movies, and then later admitted that she'd seen maybe four percent of them. She was then asked if she could name the Spider Man films on because Madam web is related to the Spider Man.
I thought of that.
The Web gave it away. Yes, so it's something to do with the Marvel universe. I don't know if it's technically a Marvel ste because some people have said that she tagged Marvel and then they think she discovered it wasn't really a Marvel film or something afterwards, and then she deleted that post. She couldn't name the Spider Man films, isn't it like The Amazing Spider Man and the Amazing Spider Man Too and Spider Man Multiverse, et cetera. Well, she gave it a shot.
Okay, spider Man, here's here he comes one Spider Man and he's back, and the other one, the last one is the garblet of Spider Man. Harry spider Man and the Garblet of Man.
Like her, I like her. I don't know the goblet of Spider Man. Who is and she refuses to prep who is in that? Daniel rag quiz No.
No.
She was also asked because she kept being like, I love the Marble universe because that was on her, so she was probably briefed, Yeah, talking point, say you love the Marvel universe spider Man. She said, I love the Marvel universe. And they said, oh my goodness, who is your favorite female Marvel character?
Oh shit, the blue.
One, Beverly the dinosaur? Is that what she says? No, she didn't think of one. She couldn't think of one. She's like, I can't think of one. Scarlet to your hand, scarlet, you're handsmen. It's a black widow one. I would just name it oison. That isn't either of the twins Elizabeth Oh also red back Spider, a huntsman can a huntsman. It sounds like they'd be a huntsman. I would just say a reptile. Oh, you're thinking snow white and the
huntsman cane togd. The thing about Dakota is that she quite goes with Madam Webb as a conceptual project because the thing about Madam Webb is that somebody was sitting around a table and they went, we need something for the women in that. We keep making these superhero movies and they're just they're very dominated by men produced to LITTERA is going to look up. Madam Webb's power is that that's not related. Okay, so apparently Madam Webber can see the future like a psychic. Just make a film
about psychics. That's not related to spidering. That's an issue. No, it's like eat your prey or something. Yeah, like a real spider. It sounds really really bad, but Dakota goes with it because clearly Room of lazy Riders and they went, oh, who can we get who just doesn't give a fuck, Dakota.
I'll do it.
She's pray good nights before anyway. You know things are bad when you read the following headline. Dakota Johnson fired her agent immediately after Madam Webb's trailer drop. So it starts showing in cinemas and it's not a comedy that they're audible laughs ahhu. It has been described as an origin story for a comic book character no one asked for. It's been called dumb and schlonky as the worst of the genre, and it debuted with a twelve percent rating
on Rotten Tomatrow Love Claire. That's when the press tour started. Oh if you thought the Fifty Shades press tour was chaotic, enter my dumb. My favorite is when they go on to press you and then somebody asked them. They're like, what do you think about the response to film? And they're like, what response. Three of the actors, one of them is Sidney Sweeney, joked about how Dakota left them on Red and then Dakota was like, nah, they excluded me from the group. Chat ha ha ha, And then
she was like ha ha ha. I love them, but they really annoy me, that's a quote.
How did you actually like your gen Z cast members, your co stars?
I love them, yeah, and they annoy me.
Yeah, I love them, but they really annoyed me. And then there was a literal earthquake. Did dream the press conference?
Haha?
And I swear to God, she was like, please make this be a fucking ten. Let me out of this building. Let me show you how she reacted to the actual earthquake.
You would have loved to have protecting these younger women.
Is that an earthquake?
Okay, we're just on an earthquake. Did you just do that? Did I?
You know what's gonna happen?
Do you like that we all just sat here? This is yeah, that was like very like fabulous. That was fabulous. You're just an earthquake, okay, and we're just gonna move on continuing.
It's very leave me alone. I'm just asleep. It's very bad. And it's like, this is why don't get out of bed because there's an earthquake?
Drough my interview.
I was just trying to answer the question there it was an earthquake. You know how I've heard people described as unflappable, and I've never understood that word before, but Dakota Johnson simply cannot be flat. You are n oppressed. You are for one of the worst movies in recent memory about which you are being slammed as an individual. And there is currently an earthquak. There's currently an earthquake, and you could tell when the interviewer made a joke like,
oh did you do that? And I swear She's like, just madam, make earthquakes. She's like, did I how to earthquakes work? This is why it's hard being an fo baby, because we get confused thinking we have the power to make earthquakes. By this point, everyone is saying out loud this movie it's not good, and Dakota is like, look, I know it's fucking mad. In a profile with Bustle, she admitted that she's across the response and she will never do anything like it again. All Right, I don't
think anything like it will be made. I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised that this has gone down the way it has. She claimed. It was definitely an experience for me to make that movie. I'd never done anything like it before, and I will probably never do anything like it again because I don't make sense, Well, it's not nice to be part of something that's tripped to shreds. But I can't say that. I don't understand, she continued.
Sometimes in this industry, you sign onto something and it's one thing, and then as you're making it becomes a totally different thing, and you're like, wait what she said? It was creativity made by committee, and executives are doing things based on an algorithm, and she's like, this movie has been humshit. She skipped the premiere to go and have dinner. She says she doesn't know when she'll see it, but maybe and I quote they.
No fucks given.
Okay, I agree that sometimes you sign on to a project and by the end it's something very different.
You and I.
You know what I was thinking during this. Now, I wasn't going to bring it up on the podcast because you don't want to sound like you relate too much to celebrities. But you and I did film a hallow Fresh ad, and during the filming of that ad, I went, I mean, we could just we could look like it is. You could ask me to do and this is what happened in Madam Webb. You could cut this. However, you
and you're asked to do silly things. They said to Dakota Johnson that a green screen and there was explosions and shed go and she didn't know. She don't know what and apparently the CGR whatever it's called special effects. Now she looks like an idiot. Yeah, because it looks like you're trying too hard with acting in a fake environment.
Yeah.
And it's like if you go, haha, explosion, but it's actually a small explosion, you look like you're about actor. So I think you don't know when you sign on to a movie how it's going to end up. And what she's done here is blame everyone else. But I have to say that does seem to happen to her quite frequently, that she signs onto a project and by the end it's something different. I guess the question is, are you the common denominator? Maybe her laziness and her
lack of energy and you know what she does. She's one of those people that gets into a group project, tunes out, allows group project to be submitted, and then says I would have done it different. Yeah, And it's like you were present, yeah, and you brought nothing and you brought nothing, And we asked what you thought of the SCRIPTU, and you said, fine, you hadn't read it. This is a quote. Not watching my movies is like self care to Johnson, Okay, I want another Madam Web
just for the press too. Two Madam Press Web, two more earthquakes. To listen to that entire episode where we talk about when Dakota Johnson dissed the cinematic masterpiece that is Fifty Shades of Gray, which was another hilarious press tour, just click the link in our show notes, We're recanceling three things every week over the summer break, including celebrities, TV shows, celebrity couples, and press tours because we need
to keep the investigations running. You can find videos from the podcast and evidence of the celebrity crimes on our Instagram, at the Twins Underscore Thoughts, or on TikTok At canceled the podcast, Bye