You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mama Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to canceled the podcast that looks at silly celebrity crimes and assigns charges and sentences to them so that we can all move on with our lives. I'm Jesse Stevens and I'm joined by Claire Stephens and Claire do you have a lazy girl sorry for us today?
Absolutely, Jesse.
This is from Hannah shed Hey, guys, last night I made pasta.
Honestly well done, Hannah.
Well a moment for Hannah.
Pasta is a lazy girl's a go to. It's a staple.
When I drained it in the sink, a few bigger chunks got stuck in the plug thing that stops food going down the drains. Sadian brackets. Don't know what it's called, too lazy Google, I know, yeah, it's just the drain plug.
Yep.
She said, I couldn't be bothered walking the five meters to the bin, so I washed them under the tie and chuck them in the ball.
She hate them, Oh, just raw. She's a lazy girl.
A raw past raw dog, that pasta, because okay, I have this all the time where I am doing the draining situation. Then they fall into the sink and I think, be honest, be honest, when was the last time you watched the sink? And I go, oh, sorry, I washed the sink recently because I bathed Matilda in it? All right, yep, Because I was like, I throw things, dirty things in the sink all the time. How dirty is my sink?
But by then I've thrown that at the bowl. There's a thing you can get that I've seen on Facebook where it's like, if you've got like pasta, you pour it into this little plastic thing that's like over the sink and then you chuck that in the bin. But again it's the issue of actually chucking it in the bin. Yeah, you're not going to make it there. Then you've got food scraps everywhere. Oh I feel you, I feel you relatable. You are about to enter the canceled courtroom. The defendants
are celebrities, The chargers are petty. The rulings are final. Claire. Today on trial is David Jude Hayworth law David David, known to friends. He does not look like a David known to friends aka us as Jude.
My parents stupidly had this idea to name me and my sister after their best friends. My dad's best friend is David and my sister's best friend is Andrew. But they never called us those names. But no one's ever called me David. Everyone's called me Jude. But I get people always like, oh, you changed your name to Judee because you're an actor.
Jude was born in nineteen seventy one in London to two school teachers and mate so far same Wilvel Wivel, we have a lot in common. Interest in performing began in childhood. He was cast in the Odd play, and then by seventeen he had dropped out of school to pursue the acting thing full time. Before he'd even been in a movie. He was nominated for Tony Award for his role in a Broadway play. We've said at once,
we'll say it again. We think people who do theater are the capital R capital A. Real actors, Yeah yeah, yeah, why because they have to memorize their lives for a whole play. His real breakout role came in nineteen ninety nine. What movie was it? Claire not Alphie. That was next a talented mystery.
Oh I was that, Dicky.
I watched that again recently, partner better the second time. But oh, it's so because it had Matt Damon, it had Gwyneth Paltrow, brilliant, and he's just so convincing. Vicky Greenley's that it's Tom Tom Ripley West together.
Okay, did we know.
Each other from there? He did Cold Mountain There.
Alive happened in an instant.
I want to marry you, Alphie.
Oh blimey, I'm so rude. I haven't introduced myself.
I'm healthy, healthy, healthy, the holiday I have him brackets, outstanding, Sherlock Holmes, Contagion, a documentary Before It's Time, and a bunch of Fantastic Beasts. He did that movie with Natalie Portman. Closer, yep, he did Closer, Great dountrack just on Fantastic Beasts. Apparently it's grossed quite well. Do you know anyone who's ever watched a Fantastic Beast?
Oh?
No, Rory, your husband watches Fantastic Beasts.
We've watched them together, and he's fine.
Fine, it's not fine, It's okay, okay, because I think he plays Dumbledore. Yeah, yeah, I don't understand. Is it a prequel, Yes it is. No, I didn't enjoy them, I know I didn't. No, it's got any redmain in it, which made me think was going to be outstanding. I've seen two minutes of one and I went, oh, this isn't it. Yeah, no, it's not it. You're taking the Harry Potter universe and you're butchering just trying some bassin.
Yeah.
My structure for today is as follows a close family member accepting bribes from the press, the Sienna Miller nanny cheating scandal. Seven kids to four different women, no judgment, just facts and fecal centered perfume. The family member who accepted bribes, oh, this would be every member of our family if we were famous. Can you imagine you're twenty five bucks to leak?
Oh yeah.
Our uncle Ross would be like, I am there, give me five bucks. I'll give you childhood photos. I got them, I got them on my phone. Jude Law and Sienna Miller were famously victims of the News of the World scandal. We did a massive deep dive on this scandal in our episode on Rupert Murdoch, but basically it was a legal phone hacking that ended with News of the World, a newspaper, being closed down. In twenty fourteen, Jude Law gave testimony in the News of the World trial.
Jude Law, the actor has arrived to go into the witness box at the phone hacking trial, which is being held at the Old Bailey, was greeted by a crowd of television cameras.
And the lawyer was like, you're the first person in this case where I don't have to ask who you are or what you do.
Oh, that's nice as you are healthy.
You are Jude Law, beautiful man man who I want to kiss. Basically, he is giving testimony against editors of News of the World, and he's saying that the media would arrive at a location that he'd organized completely in secret, didn't make any sense that they'd know where he was.
Jude Law told the court there seemed to be an unhealthy amount of information that meant they had access to my life and my whereabouts.
And in the courtroom someone passes him a note with a name written on it of a person very close to him, an intimate direct family member who was being paid to leak against him. He was then asked when he first learned of this, and his voice cracked as he said today, he wasn't aware of that.
Oh my god.
So this immediate family member sold information to the tabloids in two thousand and five about an alleged affair that happened between his ex partner, Sianna Miller. Do you know who she allegedly had an affair with?
Sienna?
Sienna? In two thousand and five, No, had an alleged affair with Daniel Craig James Bonster.
Oh wow, they'd.
Been in Layer Cake together. It turns out that after the revelations in the paper, law confronted Craig, who was his coastar in a movie a few years before, and they had been friends for years and years. The lawyer is all like, so, did you tell Craig that he had to tell his current girlfriend about the affair because Craig had a girlfriend too, And it's like, yes, okay, love this line of questioning, is it directly relevant to the case against his boy? No? No, And a few
things I'll say about this. Firstly, how do you expect anyone, even a close family member, to keep that kind of gossip to themselves. It's too exciting, it needs to be shared. And also, how do you expect a lawyer whose job it is to prosecute two editors of Views of the World not to also spend time in court, not to get sidetracked, not to get side and the judge. The judge says, look, is this about News of the World. Absolutely, But Jude Law, tell me about CNST. Were you upset,
how did you react? Did you fight? And then you turn to News of the World and you say, I don't condone this, but do you have a voice recording of any of their fights so that I can hear for evidence?
I reckon.
The judge is like, I'm gonna subpoena Jude your text, Sienna's text, Daniel Greig's text.
For all time.
Yeah, And everyone's like, is that relevant to this case? Well?
Who cheated on? Fucking who?
And in what order? And may I say, News of the World, if you have the recording of Jude Law calling Daniel Craig to talk about the cheating with Sienna Miller, I'm gonna need that, yeah, personally, and I'm gonna let you off Scott free in return.
Oh come on.
Come on, let me listen, let me listen. So News of the World recorded a voice message that Miller left on Craig's phone, so they had hacked the phone, which four context. And the thing we talked about in our Riper Murdock episode is it was all about the fact that if you called somebody's phone, there was a pin to be let into their voice messages and you'd guess the pin.
And that's why.
So this was a voice message and Sienna Miller said, I'm out with Jude, I met some restaurant. I love you, and that was apparently evidence. But Miller said in court, I think the thing that is being slightly misconstrued about this voicemail message was that I said I love you, and that this was some incredibly important declaration of love. Since we became friends in two thousand and three, always ended my phone calls with I love you, as I
did with all my friends and family. I actually believe that I'd say I love you to lots of people who I'm not having an affair with. Then she says whether or not I was in a relationship with Daniel Craig, it was not a relationship. It was a very brief encounter and he was my best friend me saying I love you. Whether anything romantic happened briefly or not, there was nothing significant, you had an affair, nothing not. Did you have an affair, yes or no? I don't care.
If it was brief okay? Was it fleeting okay? With clearly fleeting what I'm hearing? What I am hearing. We had a lapse in judgment, yes, and there was a sexual rendezvous once twice, not over and over again. Did I love him as a friend? Did he pay scot Marga h yes, yes, yes.
Have you seen Bond? Have you seen him Bond? The name's Bond, Gem's Bond.
I mean, it's obviously horrendous what News of the World did, But they could have tapped more phones in this situation, I will say, because some of these calls to hear would have been border la mm hmm. But Claire, don't
go thinking that law is a simple victim. No, no, no, no. You see, when this information came out about Miller's affair, apparently his publicist went and had a meeting with News of the World and asked them to backdate Sienna Miller's affair and make it look like it was earlier than it was, and please allow me to tell you why, oh my Jude Law and the many oh dirty dog. Oh well, well, Jude was busy with some naughtiness of
his own. For some background, Jude and Sienna meet on the set of Alphie in two thousand and four, and then by Christmas they are engaged just so hot. They must have just been like looking at each other being like, we're so hot, You're so hot, I'm so hot together, We're hot red carpet photos. Oh, it's upsetting. A few months later, come the rumors. Remember we did a thing in high school where the teacher's got all the students.
It was like a day and they were like, rumors are damaging, and I'm pretty sure we had to do like a liturgical dance to the damage. Yeah yeah, yeah, they are, But like rumors can also be fun, Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, and rumors can at times be true. By this stage, Law had three kids with his ex wife, and they had a lovely young nanny named Daisy. Okay, who is his ex wife, a woman named Sadie. She's an actress. I didn't recognize her. She'd been in something
to do with the vampire. Things are going really well. He'd been shooting a movie in New Orleans and would often have the nanny come so that he could work and also see the kids. Then one night, his children are with their mum, Sadie, at a dinner party, and one of the children walks into this dinner party and announces that they caught their dad in bed with the nanny. That kid is everything. So Sadie, his ex wife, speaks to Daisy and is like, weird, they just said that
they caught you in bed with Jude. And Daisy's like what and denies it. Then suddenly Jude law Sadie alike to the nanny, Oh, we don't need you next weekend, right or the one after that? And Daisy is like, how am I meant to have an affair with Jude Laura if I can't even see him? Yeah, that makes it tricky. Then the journalists start to call. They're like, Daisy, we've heard this rumor. And then Jude calls Daisy and is like, by the way, you're fired and you can't
come anymore. You can't come, you're not the nanny anymore. My wife is pissed off ever since I had an affair with you, And Daisy is all like I've lost my job, I've lost my boyfriend. I think old it would tell all interview love. So would you like to know the dirtiest details.
Oh my gosh, I don't know.
Because you won't believe it. The Daisy kept a diary.
Dear diary. I'm sorry, syell men.
Just a note on diaries. Who keeps a diary? I'll tell you who not lazy girls, adulterers and murderers. And if there's one piece of advice I'd give you, don't keep a diary if you're doing those things.
It's a record.
Miller had gone back to London for a place she was in and Lauren Daisy went to a BA or something. This is all according to Daisy, so like not verified, but you know, she kept dies and they talk and they have wine, and then at three am, he says, it's a big house. If you get lonely, let me know. And she turns around she was going to go to bed, and then she turns around they start kissing.
This is quote.
The next thing I know, we are dragging each other upstairs to his bedroom, kissing, and then in the bedroom, ripping off each other's clothes. We threw ourselves onto the giant bed. I wanted him so much we kicked off our underwear. It was mind blowing, rampant sex, amazing, wonderful.
He's married.
He actually wasn't. He was only engaged. Oh okay, Oh, he had just finalized his divorce from Sadie, which meant that he could now marry Sienna. But they're engaged. But then at dawn, after three rounds of sex, Jude's son comes in and is like, Daddy, Daddy, I'm having a bad dream. Oh no, and Jude is like, it's okay, go back to bed. I wonder if the bad dream, you know, when you're half asleep and the noises around you get way. I wonder if there were like groans and I had a dream that I was in the
jungle and no, that was just daddy. No, I'm thinking, did you have a bad dream that Daddy's having sex with the You can't believe it? Yeah, Daisy told the Mirror it was amazing. Jude was a masterful lover who made my whole body tingle mate. You don't need to share that. They had sex again on multiple trips, once on a pool table, once after she heard him arguing on the phone with Miller, and once she asked him how he felt about Sienna Miller, he said, she is
very dear to me, but it's hard. I don't make a habit of this talking about the affair. Oh good on you. So Daisy says she went to the press because she was upset that Jude didn't fight for her when she got sacked. And it's like, I mean this lovingly. What did you expect Sadie to do? Sadie the ex wife? Yeah? What she going to do? Oh? The nanny's excuse me being with Juwe I am going to put my flag
in the ground my ex husband's mistress. Yeah, I'm going to stop everything and really advocate for her right to employment. Miller might have learned about all of this from a headline, and then a few days later, Law came out and issued a public apology that read, following the reports in today's papers, I just want to say I'm deeply ashamed and upset that I've hurt Sienna and the people most close to us, Jude said, I want to publicly apologize to Sienna and our respective family is for the pain
that I have called. They were then off and on again for a bit, which is. I think when the Daniel Craig thing happened. Then they got back together a few years later, but then they broke up ultimately again. Oh no, seven kids to four different women. I'm not saying Jude Law is Nick Cannon yasher Man, Nick Cannon aka mister Controversial, but I am saying he's more than halfway there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, which again, that really expressive. Did you know jud Law had seven kids?
No Ah, I knew he had a lot.
I hadn't thought about it enough, and I quite like doing this research. Jude's eldest, Rath, is twenty seven years old, and he's the eldest of three kids between Jude and Sadie Frost. They also have Iris and Rudy. Then, in two thousand and nine, he had a baby with models Fromantha Burke. Her name is Sophia. Then he had Aida with a woman named Katherine in twenty fifteen. Aida was
born after they had already split up. Then, it's understood he has two children with his current wife, Philip Haakone, who he married in twenty nineteen. Private have not released the sex or birth dates of either of them. It's understood that the youngest was born in twenty twenty three, so that means as a twenty seven year age gap Betweeny's eldest and he's youngest. There's some beautiful baby names in there. Thanks for the inspo. He does have beautiful
baby names. I like Jude too. I like Dude, but his name's David. Yeah. What I will say is from my reading, he seems like a good dad. He actually does seem like a good dad. He seems like he really loves kids. Okay, the nanny was not his finest moment, but he's involved. Here's the question. Do you think that Sadie Frost seems like a good mum? Yeah? Absolutely think Sadie f Well, why didn't you say that? Because she's
not a child, She's not a child. Do you think he's a good dad the way he talks about his kids very lovingly? And what does he say so when he had his kids, because he had the first three quite young, and he's like, yeah, I used to be able to sleep in, he used to have more freedom, but I love it. I love getting up early looking after those kids. He's often pictured. He takes them out a lot. He's got very good relationships with his eldest kids.
He's clearly learned a lot about the Spotlight, which is why with his new wife they have a lot of privacy. And this sounds weird, right, But with Katherine Harding, they've only been dating for like seven months or something, and then she fell pregnant and then they broke up, and Katherine Harding has gone on the record and been like, he's amazing. He's an amazing now to their little one. Okay, great? Is it the bare minimum?
Yes?
But I'm comparing him to Nick Cannon. Okay, yeah, compared to Nick Cannon, Father of the Year.
Correct.
Lastly, fecal centered perfume. I no speaking at the twenty twenty three Cahn Film Festival about his role as Henry the Eighth in his upcoming film Firebrand.
She was the sixth wife of the vengeful king Henry the eight and won't be a patron to heretics. You will kill me that he did my mother, wives who came before her all met untimely ends.
I really want to say that I'd like to see that I love I love movies about historical figures such as Elizabeth with k Kate lunchet Law said he had a special perfume made to really get into character. Lovely idea. He said. It smells of blood, fecal matter, and sweat to resemble the smell of the King's rotting leg in his final days.
Your perfume is delightful.
This is a quote from Jude law. I've read several interesting accounts that you could smell Henry three rooms away. His leg was rotting so badly he hid it with rose oil. I thought it would have a great impact if I smelled awful. He got this perfumer to make it, and at first he used it quite sparingly, and then he just went all out over the top. The director said. When Jude walked in on set, it was just horrible. Oh what do you think of that? Okay, a few things. Yeah,
one mate is called acting. We can just act, we don't We can act like there's a bad smell without having literal shit in the end. Yeah, it's upsetting for everyone.
All right.
And how do you get the smell of fickle matter? Do you need a driper shit? Great question, And it's just interesting because it's like, Okay, this is for you to get in character. Well, it's not just affecting you, is it's affecting a camera man and in fact the makeup art.
The way that.
Smell works, you stop smelling it. After all, everybody else know who doesn't Everyone walks into the room, your coast stars, your coas stars, who are just in the next suburb, over going, you know, anyone else? Smell that sounds like rotting. That's the smell of a rotting I don't like it when actors do things like this. I just think it's okay, we.
Can just pretend.
We can pretend. And he's married. So he went home and his wife was like, you're an actor. I don't the way you need to smell like shit. Smell like shit, sweat and and rot, blood, fecal matter and sweat. With that said, I do think these sorts of details are great for promotion because my story fun fun, fun. Yes, I want to watch it and be like, when he walks into a room, does everyone flinch because of the smell? And would I want to sniff? Absolutely? Oh, I'm curious.
I care so much about how the past smell.
I think about it a lot.
Because they didn't brush their teeth, for example, Yeah, they didn't wash their hair. There were cockroaches living in Queen Elizabeth's weird. Yeah, and they used to when you would be causeted up. You'd be causeted up in for the season, for the season, and you wouldn't wash. What does that smell like? So bad? And then you had your rags like because it's not they had tampons or pads where you are constantly changing. So I guess in that case,
I mean, you really smell that blood. But I think the corset thing makes me think about dead skin and I really don't enjoy that. It's like when you get a cast off. Yeah, when you broke your leg, got a cast.
They cut it off and you go.
You just walk into one of those castles and you'd be like, oh, get me out of him.
I don't like it, Claire.
It is time for charges and sentences. My charge, this charge actually comes from Sienna Miller's mum, who made a statement in the wake of the nanny fiasco, and she said, the man can't keep it in his pants, And that's my charge for dude law. He can't keep it in his pants. It's wiggling around. It's a common ailment. Yeah, yeah, it's his fatal flaw. Among men who are beautiful and have been given everything they want. Yeah, yeah, he's really is impregnated a lot of people, no judgment, seven kids.
He's got a life of its own. It does, it does, and maybe he's recovered. Maybe he's recovered. Maybe with this new Philippa by all accounts going very well. But we can prosecute her story at crime. So that's how the law works. My sentence. If I was Siena Miller and Jude Law had what can only be described as a wandering dick, I'd get out the perfume and what I would say is, Jude, I'm going to London for my play. Oh,
I forgot this detail too. In the wake of it, she was doing a play every night in London to eight hundred people, and she broke down on stage. She said, it's the worst time of her entire life. And there's like six weeks that she can't account for because she just can't even remember it. She was so heartbroken, but she was on stage, she broke down, and then she didn't do the next night. But then she came back. Sam's thirty five thousand dollars engagement ring. Oh anyway, if
I imagine, oh, that'd be a good. You'd be happy with the money you spent on that ticket to see Sienna Miller cry irl about.
Jude wondering dick. You'd never forget it. That's just so fun.
Look, if Jude Law was my guy and I was going to London to be in a play, I'd say, Jude, put on your perfume on all your clothes. Oh my money, No no, no, not, you're a money. Put on your pooh perfume. Put on your poo perfume. No no, not a sprints Put it on your dick. Dad yourself, house yourself in your poo perfume. While I'm out, I'll get back. You can have a bath of scrub, put on something a bit nicer. But while I'm out, we wear our poo perfume everywhere. It's
important for you and your wandering dick. Yes, it's helpful, my chastity belt. It is a Dude Law style. Jesse my charge. And we've had this before, had it a few times. Being a dirty dog, Yes, yes, he's a dirty dog.
Such a dirty dog.
And look, my sentence is, if he's gonna sit in court and it's going to come out that he wanted to backdate Sienna Miller's Yeah, his public le rendezvous.
Yep.
Then I'm gonna need more detail on the record, Yes, about his escapades. I know we've got. I don't know if there are any more details that haven't been given you all that she was paid handsomely for okay, and then what she did after that is she realized that her career was in the garter. Ye. And I think she tried to keep nannying. And I just want you to imagine you're hiring a nanny at the moment the daisy appears on your doorstep and you go hello, and
then you have any references. Oh, they didn't give a reference. Who your last employers, Jude Law and Sadie Frost? Why did that end? A fuck?
Jude?
Okay, get out, get out.
It's just not professional. It's not professional, and you worry, you worry, but it's not professional. And it's who was looking after the kids when you were doing the fucking Okay? Yes, but the perspective we haven't got, and that I'm going to be a bad dream. Probably looked for the nanny and then looked for daddy and there they were.
That would have been scary.
Yeah, I need the kid to tell his version of the story. I need more from him. I need the kid to stand up and be questioned in this side of the judge who's like, this is about news of the world. Ye like, this is actually you're not yourn elevant questioning a child about finding daddy in bed with another woman. Okay, what do you want to know about it? What was the nightmare? About the nightmare? You walk in when you say you saw them in bed?
Yea was it active?
No, it wasn't. It wasn't active. They were sleeping because they'd romped three times and then apparently when the kid left the room, they prompt again.
Oh come on, it's what Daisy says.
Okay, well the question is were they need Yes, did you hear them? Did you suspect little child? Yeah, daddy was being a bit naughty. Yeah? Did you when you walked in and told your mummy? Did you know you were starting? And if so, kudos? I like there was a dinner party. I know. I like that. It wasn't just a random NightWare bedtime story. It was like, hey, dinner party. There's forty five.
Of you here.
I found dad in bed with the nanny.
I love children. I love children, Jesse. That's all we've got time for.
The executive producer of Canceled is to listen as with audio editing by Tom Lyon. If you have a lazy girl story, please send them to us at The Twins Underscore Thoughts on Instagram, or you can email them in to podcasts at mamamea dot com dot au. We love to read them. We'll be back next week. Bye bye.