Can You Don't? is a weekly, comedic podcast where Joe Paisley and Bryan Albrandt delve into the depths of the Internet in order to retrieve the best and worst examples of humanity, while openly mocking themselves along the way for being complete idiots.
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Doesn't it seem like the older you get, the sadder visiting Las Vegas becomes? Bryan just went there and returned with some wonderful examples of the sadness. Let's talk about that, having a giant black sex toy glued to your forehead for five years, drawing on fake mustaches in order to bypass age requirements online, raising money for brain cancer treatment through a lemonade stand, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra conte...
Have you ever danced with a random old lady in a grocery store parking lot? No? Maybe you should. Let's talk about that, and SUUUUUPER WAAAAAAAAAAAKE! That's it... it will all make sense. *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast *** New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PST Watch ...
Have you ever been kicked out of a bar but have no idea why? Well, this was a first for Joe. Let's talk about that, a clever use for AI robots in the city, paying a stranger to be your friend while checking off your bucket list items, a bunch of conspiracy theories that ended up being true, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest wa...
I mean... we love a good raccoon penis as much as the next guy, but chopping one of some roadkill in front of your family and claiming it's for research is pretty wild. Let's talk about that, domestic differences when it comes to remodeling your house, why are kids so cool playing sports these days, working with someone all day long who has your semen all over their face, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the en...
200 episodes. That’s a lot of words, a lot of laughs, and an alarming amount of things we probably shouldn’t have said out loud. Seriously though, thank you. Whether you’ve been here since episode one or you just found us and immediately questioned your life choices, we’re so glad you’re here. The fact that you keep hitting play, sharing the show, and letting us be part of your day means everything to us. You’ve helped turn this into something way bigger than we ever imagined, and we don’t take ...
We've never thought about it before... but how hard would it be to actually rip a baby in half? Let's talk about that, installing a custom bong into your dash so you never have to stop doing drugs, why are dry ice bombs so goddamn fun, thinking that you're making a lumber delivery but end up screwing some dude's wife in front of him, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our ...
Let's say you are the proud owner of a drive-thru prayer business. Would you be open 24/7? Monday-Friday 9-5? Or just Wednesdays from 11-1? Let's talk about that, having to depend on your local community to protect from everyone else in the world wanting you dead, sneaking away to have sex in a porta-potty, where the heck do all these idioms come from, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PL...
Some sad news to share on the show today but... everything will be ok. Let's talk about that, Bryan continues to be fucking awful at math, when does spaghetti become spaghetti and not just tomato noodles, ice cubes made from piss in the house you're staying at, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It...
I didn't think I could ever give botox or implants to a camel... until I learned it could be worth MILLIONS OF DOLLARS?! Let's talk about that, yanking ponytails for funzzies, waiting your whole life for some free oysters with your dad, are weather apps getting paid to put up questionable forecasts, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the b...
Quick question for the ladies. Would you bang Mr. Clean? Yes, the cleaning company mascot. Let's talk about that, Bryan rewriting his entire would you rather on the fly, how does one go about getting their dog to stop licking frogs in the yard, another big life change to update everyone on, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest wa...
You all know that Bryan went to Mexico for his annual family vacation... but did you know he was in the exact location that all that shit went down with the cartel and he was stuck there for an additional week?! Let's talk about that, why drinking cleaning supplies is never a good idea, the only time that knowing how to give CPR to a seagull was helpful, how much should a happy-ending cost, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extr...
Although not legal in the slightest, breaking into your place of employment after hours to make and sell pizza for a little extra coin isn't a completely terrible idea. Let's talk about that, why are so many people shoving old munition up their b-holes, how many household items are there on the planet, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is th...
Do you know what gooning is? Yeah you do... you little slut. *bites lip* Let's talk about that, how sexy birds can be with a human ass, another murderous elephant rampage, soliciting a prostitute while driving a school bus, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://ww...
Can you even imagine how good it would feel to get released from a prison, get your shit together, then end up BUYING THE SAME PRISON YOU WERE KEPT IN?! Let's talk about that, trying to fool the cops by putting your ankle monitor on your dog, why do all women leave giant balls of hair in the shower, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the b...
Have you ever been in a situation that required you to tackle an old man in order to retrieve a license plate to avoid going to jail? Us either. Let's talk about that, government drones spying on Bryan, how heavy is a standard watermelon, how accidentally killing a puppy resulted in somehow feeling ok about making your dad cry, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreo...
Joe and Bryan dive into an eclectic mix of topics, starting with a debate on animal defense mechanisms and unexpected economic ripples from weight loss medications impacting airlines. They then share unbelievable stories of human body parts delivered by mistake and near-death organ donation mix-ups. The episode wraps up with outlandish music conspiracies, including backmasking and celebrity clones, alongside entertaining listener confessions about a disastrous trip and a very awkward porn shop visit.
*Jason (495651) in prison, we read your letter!* Why does every piece of tech these days feel like they NEED to have some sort of reward system?! Let's talk about that, looking forward to going on vacation so much that you ignore the fact your wife just died, trying to bite your way through a tree trunk, stuffing marbles up your dick hole, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?...
Joe and Bryan dive into absurd "Would You Rather" dilemmas, including the ethical and practical challenges of a "lick factory" for STDs versus selling hot dogs at funerals. They also share personal anecdotes about derailed New Year's plans, react to shocking news like a father abandoning his partner after birth and an AI transforming a cop into a frog. The episode concludes with two outrageous listener emails, one detailing a lost virginity experience involving a wax joint and Cialis, and another about a disgusting changing room discovery.
Joe and Bryan tackle a morbid "Would You Rather" scenario, weighing choices from breaking bones to watching WNBA games, before dissecting Pornhub's 2025 Year in Review, highlighting surprising search trends and state-specific preferences. The hosts then recount bizarre real-life stories, including an elderly man shooting his son, a morgue manager selling body parts, and a Christmas guest who stayed for 45 years, alongside discussing a new male pelvic floor trainer and listener-submitted stories.
We can understand stealing expensive things like diamonds, watches, jewelry... but a ton of lobster?! Let's talk about that, wrapping your kid up and hanging them on a hook, why we don't deserve dogs, shoving weird stuff up your b-hole, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to ...
For the most part, going to church is a pretty chill experience. And most definitely not high up on the list of places you'd expect to get kicked in the face by a camel. Let's talk about that, having a serious conversation with someone while wearing a wildly inappropriate shirt, barfing up chunks of ham onto a dong you're blowing, doing your best Elvis impersonation in the back of an ambulance, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the ...
Joe and Bryan tackle a series of outrageous topics, from a "Would You Rather" pitting a two-inch splinter against slapping mom's ass at a funeral to a comedic retelling of a medical emergency interrupting a middle school band concert. They also delve into an unexpected porn broadcast on a ferry, a rare rabies case linked to a kidney transplant, and a listener's "petty beef" about seasonal definitions. The episode rounds off with an entertaining Wikipedia game and relatable listener stories.
When you have a late-night hunger craving, sometimes it's hard to suppress it. But if that craving ends up causing a felony level of damage in order to satisfy... maybe ignore it. Let's talk about that, having to deal with your partner using their phone while watching a movie then they ask you to pause the movie so you can catch them up, of course there's a sheep shit spitting contest out there, eating your own pet birds in order to prove a point, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *...
The hosts delve into extreme "would you rather" scenarios, including controversial choices about family and self-harm. They share a personal story about a heartfelt father-son moment that takes an unexpected turn, highlighting the complexities of parenting. The episode also covers bizarre news, from a deceased man unknowingly towed for weeks to an AI-powered teddy bear offering inappropriate sexual and dangerous advice to children. Capping it off is a fast-paced segment of astonishing and often humorous world facts, along with listener emails that reveal the podcast's unexpected appearances.
We have all been in intense arguments over something stupid. However, those arguments don't usually end in gunfire over how many eggs a chicken can lay. Let's talk about that, heading over to Facebook groups to find sperm donors, vivid memories of kaleidoscopes but no one actually likes them, almost dying while replacing an outlet, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Pa...
LALALALALALALALA! Whatever. DOOOOOOOOOOON'T CAAAAAAAAAARE! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast *** New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PST Watch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/tY0Q8Zaz7c0 Send in segment content: heyguys@canyoudontpodcast.com Merch: http://canyoudontpodcast.c...
Advertising has always been a little out of control, but making people watch ads in order to wipe their ass might be just a bit over the line. Let's talk about that, redundant things we all say like stupid idiots, sticking your arm under the lap bar of a rollercoaster to keep a stranger from flying out, pouring coffee all over yourself... again, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons...
This episode dives into a mix of absurd news and ethical dilemmas, starting with a hypothetical: would you sacrifice 100 million strangers to save your child? The hosts also recount a listener's bizarre airport gaslighting experience and dissect strange news like a meth lab in a Taco Bell, a serial blow darter, and an arson over missing mayonnaise. They also touch on the unexpected challenges of AI in the workplace and a chess club's community impact.
Have you ever voted on behalf of your dead mom, got caught, and were forced to write a ten-page essay on what an idiot you are? Would you rather just go to jail or write the essay? Let's talk about that, colorblindness making you feel completely useless, running into a blind person in the hallway, carrying a bass drum around with you everywhere you go, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! XO- Casserole says Hi! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the...
There comes a point when trying to help people who have lost everything that the entire situation would have been better off had you done literally nothing at all. KFC didn't get that memo. Let's talk about that, shoving a tall can of beer up your butt for a couple days, another example of the darker side of AI which humanity gets to look forward to, having a family picnic on the side of a freeway, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all ...
