How much weight do you think the position of "Volunteer Swan Warden" holds on a resume? Let's talk about that, trying to go about your everyday life knowing exactly how you were going to die, a brand new most annoying thing to do in public, pretending you're trapped in an active shooter situation in order to make new friends, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon ...
Oct 15, 2025•1 hr 20 min
Nothing really brings the boys together like wearing racing jackets, being obnoxiously loud, and cheering on your sperm as it races against your buddy's sperm on a tiny sperm racetrack. Let's talk about that, your stance on giving kisses after someone goes down on you, having an absolute meltdown in front of the police after giving them a fake name, the best place to crash your car if you're having a heart attack, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle...
Oct 08, 2025•1 hr 29 min
If aliens offering immortality landed on Earth tomorrow and were willing to take you on a tour of the entire universe BUT you could never return to Earth... would you go? Let's talk about that, why the heck Bryan was crying in bed like a giant man-baby, another doctor doing more shady shit while he shouldn't be, the amazing world of counterintuitive but true facts, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of ea...
Oct 01, 2025•1 hr 39 min
Joe might run for Mayor. And his entire platform will be built around upgrading ONE GODDAMN THING THAT HAS BEEN LEFT BEHIND SINCE 1995! Let's talk about that, what it would be like living with 20 tiny men, can the washer/dryer actually turn your clothes inside out, winning a sweepstakes promising 'money for life' but having that company go bankrupt, strangers using a trampoline to save your family from a house fire, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gagg...
Sep 24, 2025•1 hr 37 min
How are serving sizes set? BECAUSE NO PERSON ON PLANET EARTH WOULD CALL THAT AMOUNT AN ACTUAL SERVING! Let's talk about that, taking the wrong kid home from daycare, getting shot in the face with a flare gun by your elderly neighbor, getting a seatbelt ticket after breaking nearly every bone in your body, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is...
Sep 17, 2025•1 hr 23 min
We've never had sex with a hamburger... but maybe we will after today's episode. Let's talk about that, the worst advice from an implied expert in his field, spraying disabled kids with your sprinkler system while they load and unload the school bus, wearing the perfect pajamas to fight crime, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest...
Sep 10, 2025•1 hr 29 min
Bryan is so close to shoving something in his butthole. Let's talk about that, the embarrassment of getting stuck in a tube slide as a grown-ass man, why can't we put whatever little pictures we want on our license plates, messing everything up when you're only just trying to help, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can...
Sep 03, 2025•1 hr 32 min
I think we all know that feeling when you just NEED to have a drink... but I'm not sure if stopping for beer while on your way to the hospital with your wife after you just shot her is ever a good time for a drink. Let's talk about that, why is Canada so amazing, selling seats at your wedding to help cover the cost, forgetting where you parked your airplane, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each epis...
Aug 27, 2025•1 hr 31 min
The future of relationships is going to be a little nutty. Imagine being with someone who only caters to your wants, needs, and world view... it's going to be hard to stay with a real person who challenges you when AI will just praise you and make you cum. Let's talk about that, why we all collectively do things we know are bad for us, how sexualized TV shows were in the 90's, streaming porn for an entire education board meeting to see, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna be...
Aug 20, 2025•1 hr 26 min
Imagine all the things you purchase while out and about in your neck of the woods. Now imagine if the only way to purchase those things required you winning them via a claw machine. Let's talk about that, eating the perfect butt biscuit at a 5-star restaurant, catapulting your old pet horse over a zoo fence, how insane rich people's dinner etiquette actually is, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each ...
Aug 13, 2025•1 hr 34 min
Planet Fitness may not be the last place you'd expect to see a naked man running around in the ceiling, but it's probably pretty damn close. Let's talk about that, being high as f-word on weed gummies all the time, a never ending debate about snapping a hockey stick over your knee, some insane war stories, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This i...
Aug 06, 2025•1 hr 22 min
We're not doctors by any means, but something tells us that muting a patient's vital signs because the beeping is interrupting your game of music bingo isn't a good idea. Let's talk about that, arresting a man in a wheelchair for kicking a door down, watching a girl rub herself while she's rubbing your poop all over her body, having sex with Putin, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS t...
Jul 30, 2025•1 hr 29 min
Fashion is a funny thing. And chimps are taking it to a whole new level! Let's talk about that, adding lead-based paint to school lunches for some reason and getting hundreds of kids sick, an AI band that is doing better than probably 99.9% of real people bands out there, Joe almost getting blasted by a rogue shard of glass at the dump, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! O...
Jul 23, 2025•1 hr 29 min
Is it just a 90's kid thing or is something wrong with us? But every time we imagine something spinning we can't help but think about the Goddamn Gravitron! Let's talk about that, an awkward time to be informed that big Kit Kats are back in stock, why do pharmacies always seem like such a pain in the ass, a flight getting grounded over a stupid text message, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each epis...
Jul 16, 2025•1 hr 30 min
We all know the ol' tin can and string telephone trick, yeah? What if that was your only form of communication regardless of the distance? Let's talk about that, jumping off a cruise ship to save your daughter, parents asking you to do shit at the worst possible times, luring a bank robber out of hiding by dangling soda from a drone, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our ...
Jul 09, 2025•1 hr 27 min
Sometimes someone's name just fits who they are and what they do, right? So when you find out what Patches Magickbeans did... you'll have that same "that checks out" type of feeling. Let's talk about that, having a giant lid stuck around your neck for two years, if a boomerang doesn't come back is it still a boomerang, jerking off your fingers just enough to complete a given task, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content ...
Jul 02, 2025•1 hr 44 min
When you think of jobs Bryan could possibly have in this world... would you ever imagine courtroom sketch artist?! BECAUSE IT F**KING HAPPENED. Let's talk about that, snorting liquid poop off your mom's finest china, the worst blowup doll for your dog, your grandma giving her entire estate to a male escort, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This ...
Jun 25, 2025•1 hr 35 min
Did you know that there's a bunch of people out there showing up to airports thinking their Costco card is an acceptable form of ID? That's silly. Let's talk about that, taking a trip to the Gaping Goose, finding a briefcase full of cash with a severed finger inside it, Bryan having no clue how the show works 157 episodes in, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon ...
Jun 18, 2025•1 hr 30 min
Half marathon? Hard. Full marathon? Very Hard. Ultra Marathon? Insanely hard. Ultra marathon while breastfeeding a baby and still managing to win your division? WHAT IN THE F**K?!?! Let's talk about that, IOU a rimjob Willy Wonks candy bars, accidentally spilling 70,000 lbs of bees on the highway, Joe smashing his head into the ceiling in an airplane bathroom, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each ep...
Jun 11, 2025•1 hr 36 min
AHHHHHH!!! THREE YEARS ALREADY?! You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for all the support over the last few years. Hopefully you enjoy this FLONG'ED out episode to celebrate three years of utter nonsense we like to call Can You Don't?! HUGS AND TUGS. *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoud...
Jun 04, 2025•2 hr 11 min
*** FREE BONUS CONTENT PREVIEW AT THE END OF TODAY'S EPISODE | PLEASE CONSIDER JOINING PATREON *** There's only so many ways to make a pickle... pretty sure that's all you need to know. Let's talk about that, what to do when someone starts talking to you during a movie, sticking things in your butt while your dad takes a shower, slamming your dong in a doorknob while your partner carries the groceries, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access ...
May 28, 2025•2 hr 25 min
What position did you play?! Let's talk about that, the implications of having one arm that's an entire foot longer than your other arm, lonely people caring way too much about their Roomba vacuums, all the different "laws" that people use to navigate society, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It ...
May 21, 2025•1 hr 34 min
IT'S SIMPLE. DO YOU WANT A GUN AND DRY TOES, OR NO GUN AND WET TOES?! Let's talk about that, how much would it cost to have a peacock as a pet, trying to convince your partner that your favorite show isn't more violent than her favorite show, talking in a cartoon character's voice during sexy time, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the bi...
May 14, 2025•1 hr 32 min
If your car was stolen from your driveway and you just happen to find the exact same car you had stolen posted for sale online 70 miles away... would that raise any red flags? Or would you just be pumped you found the same exact car online and buy it immediately? Let's talk about that, having to be rescued while hiking the same mountain TWICE in 4 days, sharing your dream home with a giant spider that eats all your leftovers, how great moms can be, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! ...
May 07, 2025•1 hr 28 min
What would you do if you were babysitting, the kid you're babysitting asked you to check under the bed for monsters, then when you do check there's a FUCKING PERSON ACTUALLY UNDER THE BED?! Let's talk about that, the fastest little wiener dog in the world, why is everyone throwing popcorn around the movie theatre, asking your mom to buy you presents because your husband can't seem to figure it out, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all ...
Apr 30, 2025•1 hr 41 min
Is there anything more romantic than having some sloppy anal sex next a pile of used heroine needles? Let's talk about that, how fun it would be to be buried alive, using a dead mouse to stop a co-worker from stealing your frozen burritos, doing lots of a little things to get revenge when you're upset with your partner, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page i...
Apr 23, 2025•1 hr 40 min
A lot of our lives depend on having an internet connection, but have you ever tried to kill your mom because the Wifi got turned off? Let's talk about that, sharing dick tattoos with your coworkers, how does laundry detergent continue to get more powerful, having to address shady conversations you hear in public, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! And a message from your sponsor of today's show... Casserole says thank you lovies, for supporting your Daddies and uncle Zaq. *** Wanna b...
Apr 16, 2025•1 hr 44 min
Everyone likes to have their ear nibbled on a little bit during sexy time. It feels pretty dang nice. But what if we added a harmonica to the mix? Let's talk about that, a prankster that doesn't quite understand the limits of a prank, running against your sibling in a political race, trying to talk a stranger into letting their child tickle your feet, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLU...
Apr 09, 2025•1 hr 31 min
If you had magic semen that could cure any disease in the world... would you walk around children's hospitals and be a hero, or would you avoid them because... you know... that could get very awkward? Let's talk about that, Bryan getting flipped off everywhere he goes, what some evil piece of shit did in an Orlando airport, why can't anyone figure out to effectively talk about their plans 'next weekend', and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and acces...
Apr 02, 2025•1 hr 23 min
If you had to take a blind guess, how much do you think someone could sell a couple severed, dog-vomit covered human toes for on the black market? Never thought that would be a question we would ask ahead of today's episode. Let's talk about that, what Joe is really thinking about when riding in the car, probably the most messed up use for AI thus far, what's ok to adjust when borrowing someone's vehicle, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and acce...
Mar 26, 2025•1 hr 24 min
