Episode 73: Time For A Difficult Conversation

you do. It's um my affinity for houses of course as well, uh discussed at this point, but yeah, Selling Sunset. If you guys haven't seen a bunch of hot real estate individuals, but I just like the tour of the house. Anyways, the Real Smoke Show. This chick said that she dated Ben Affleck or they went on a date or he tried to like you d M S or something. Right, So here's what was No, she was on Riya. She was on Riya and he was like, I wasn't on

Riya at the time. And then apparently the day she said that Jennifer Lopez announced their engagement or something, after which you gotta think j Lo maybe has a little PTSD from maybe I don't know, people cheating or things a lot of things, but I would say this. I'm a big oh my gosh, I you know, I love christrips, but they're never getting that white. No. No, but I'm a receipt person. Just show me the receipts. Show me a screenshot at the DMC sent you put all the

rumors to rest. I know, why are you going to go out and say that about him unless you like put it out there. That's just weird. I don't know, but if you know, it's weird how this all comes together. I put this hat on today, and whenever I have a hat, well that's because I'm lazy and I didn't want to do my hair whenever I put a hat on. That So, like, let's say I go and get coffee in this house and someone's like, oh, like the Yankees, and I'm like, I don't even know what hat I'm wearing. Right,

I was in line. I don't have receipts for this, But I didn't make this story up. I promise. I was in line at a Starbucks in Brentwood. Guy in front of me turns around. He was like looking back, like out the window or whatever is He's like standing in line. I see he's wearing a Red Sox hat. As he turns around like, fuck, it's been affleck in line. I was like, hot, hot, hot conversation. This is probably seven eight years ago now, and I was like, oh god,

I thought it was today. I was like, he looks good. But he looked great then too. So he So we get in line, and you know, after you've ordered, now you're standing over off to the side, you're waiting for your name to be called. This is before mobile ordering existed, so there was a lot of milling around in the lobby of the Starbucks. So of course I take the opportunity. I'm going to use the hat as my entrance points. I go pretend like I don't know him. Fine, I

was like, oh, big Rex, Red Sox fan, huh. That's what I went with. Of all the things I could do, I went with the red I said, big Red Sox fan, huh. And he goes, I am you wanna go? No, I'm from Seattle Mariners fan. You know. We've struggled for years and got into a whole baseball conversation and then like his name gets called and like that's the end of it, and he like, but couldn't have been nicer, but it was my entrance in was the hat, the talk? What

was the name they called? Did he use Ben? Ben? An? It was that great eat Ben. I think it was a latte. I don't know. I can't be too sure, but big Red Sox fan, that's what That's what. That's all I had. But yeah, I love it. Don't you think he's more of a drip guy. I don't see Ben being a latte guy. I see him being like a black black coffee. I could see that for sure. But yeah, he well, maybe he was picking up for someone else, but maybe it was Jennifer Garner days, so

knowing him, he was probably just being as sweet as compete. Anyway. We haven't talked about the engagement either, which one. Aren't there a lot because you know I have seven or six, right, I've been honest that Jennifer Lopez was not that nice to me my days at Extra. She was not a fan of mine, So that's fine, no big deal. But yeah, I just love him so much because I just he's I don't know, he's just like that guy's guy. I love all the movies that he's in, so I'm curious.

Maybe this is just because I worked in entertainment. I really hope it's real because I don't know. I just I as someone talk about marriages in a minute. Given my week, well, um, I just get you, not your life. I'm laughing all do you hope it's real for who? For him or for her? I'm team him him, yeah, because he seems like he's so you know. And again I don't like buy into like celebrity life whatever. Everyone's got their own stories. But I just I don't know.

I hope for him it's real because it feels like he's so into her, so into her. Yeah. So congratulations on their nuptials. As one love story begins, another one ends. Um, So I you disclosure. I love you and I'm proud of you. Thank you. I obviously like to thank you, Daisy. Um. I had a shitty week. Um, the news of my pending divorce came out, and it's obviously not something that I wanted the at all. As somebody who grew up in a family who my parents have been married since

they eighteen, I believe in the institution. I trust in the institution, and I've been someone that's been married and divorced before. So when I got married the second time. I was so hopeful that it would be what you stand up there and say it will be, which is

forever and better, for worse and all the things. But unfortunately and I in a later episode we'll get into more of the details, not specific to my relationship with Kyle, but just I think in general, for our listeners, we use this platform and are very honest, as you have been with fertility, with UH, your job, with all sorts of things that are very personal in your life. You've been very honest and open about that, and I will UH and I promised to do the same when it

makes sense. There's a few legal things that I just need to work through, But as far as the actual announcement, UM, yeah, it's a decision that I did not reach overnight. As you know, I privately have been dealing with this for a while. UM and my health stuff that you guys, for those of you that have been listening know whether it was my appendix or the situation with my face. A lot of that stuff I now know was related to the stress that I was under to come to

this decision. As I mentioned, that was not easy for me to make, and ultimately it comes down to this, and this is my advice to anyone. Um, you have to do what's best for you. You get one life, and this thing is real short. So I knew that I had exhausted all the options to try to keep my marriage intact, and I have nothing but love and respect for my now former significant other, and um, but it just reached a point where I knew that I

was better off by myself. And so again I will expand upon that for people that are sort of oscillating and having a difficult time or or in a difficult situation and don't know when to get out, because it is embarrassing, you know, now having been divorced twice, I'm going to be forty or we're gonna you know, we have the same they here in a couple of weeks, and I am embarrassed to admit that, like, you know,

it's now my second divorce at forty. And then and then you worry about this, Oh you can't keep a man, Oh like what did you do? Like there's all these other like second dairy, third, fourth like level questions that you start to think about, and then there's this I'm gonna be forty, and then I'm like ship. Uh, I

am sixteen going on seventeen. Foolishly I believed, um, you think about having kids, right, and now I don't have a significant other, and so then you get into that whole thing where you're like, you know, am I gonna have kids? Because I you know, there's so many different layers, but there's there's that's not a reason to stay in something that is not making either one of you happy, and you ultimately have to make a decision that's best

for you, even if it feels selfish. It is your life, and as my dad always says, you come into this world alone and you leave alone. So it's a determination that did not come to me very easily. But in the end that's where I'm at. So yeah, I am. I've had wonderful people reach out to me and say I'm so sorry and all that, and I don't want people to feel sorry for me. It's my decision and it's my life, and it's a decision that I am

at peace with now but really struggled to make. And you held my hand through the entire process, as you have with so many things. Hell for the first divorce, for this one, and I like all things in my life bring levity to it because it's the only way that I know how to get through stuff, because I'll cry and then I'll just make light of it. Not make light of divorce. Of course that's not or or or by ex that's it's independent of him, because that's

nothing to do with him. It's about how I get through things that I poke fun at myself, and then that's an opportunity for me to be able to sort of take the power away from what anyone else can say, like, oh, you know, what did you do? Why can't you keep a man? That's that kind of bullshit that comes with it. But I know that what what went into the decision,

and I'm at peace with the decision. And for anyone that's out there that's in a situation that they don't necessarily want to be in anymore, I would just say, take a step back and think about where you want your life to be in five years and if that person should be in it or should you know, if

that makes sense. But again, anyway, so that was kind of a shitty week for me and it was a little embarrassing, but it was something that in the end, I'm happy that both of us both my X and I can move on peacefully and be amicable about it. So that's number one. And there's no kids involved, because that's a whole other thing, you know. So anyways, that's that.

Proud of you, very very proud of you. I you know, when we die in your legal you have a lot of legal stuff ahead of you, So we're going to hold back on what we could say. But yeah, I mean, I'm proud of you the way you just handled it

right now. I'm proud of you in coming to the decision because it is hard and I saw you struggle, and anyone that's a fan of the show, we know about your health and and I think when you were talking to people and just saying if you're in a situation where you don't know if it's right for you, got a step back and look at what it's doing to you physically. And I know people that loved you saw that kind of stuff, and that's where we were worried.

It's really interesting and I know when we get into it later about how to be a friend through it, because I mean my husband was very colorful with you last weekend and his comments about you know, how you

don't want to say too much. But there's also a point where you're like, Okay, you're my my family, and I need you to like, I'm really worried and I'm really freaking out about this, and you take it on like your own issue, and it's a really hard thing to figure out what to say and what not to say. You said something to me in Montana. I won't repeat it now, but I think it will be such a great lesson that you teach people about what you learned through it. When you said it to me, I was like,

holy sh it. It was like an Oprah moment of when it hit you then it was the right time. So um, yeah, there's nothing coming out of me, but just I'm just so proud of you. And I know you said you're embarrassed, but I gotta be honest. I have had another friend that has gone through his second divorce and that was something that was always coming out of his mouth, and I was like, that's not what people are thinking. That people that love you so much

just want you to be happy. And there were a couple of people who I need to tell you about offline that reached out to me because they wanted to call you, but they didn't want to intrude, and I just said do it because honestly, as hard as this is, I do feel like your headspace is a lot better, right. I just yeah, no, and I can I can't thank you enough in anyone that you know has listened to

us or knows our relationship. You are like a sister to me, right And there's the difficult conversations that we've had and when somebody else holds up the truth in front of your face, and when you're in it, you don't always want to see it, right. And this is and again I want to make a big point here, this isn't just about my ex um right now, Like

that's him and I are. You know, I have the utmost respect for him and his his path that he will move on without me and um, and I hope that there will come a time where you know, I was friends with my my It sounds so that sounds it's like so embarrassing my first ex. Stop labeling your know, it just it's it's something that I have to like work through. But anyways, you're not the only one out there, and this is so helpful to other people. You're not

thank you so without getting upset. I just yeah, there's like it's not easy, but proud of you and the baby part is easy. To be honest with you, it's not easy. I'll jump in to help you freeze your eggs, and I'm gonna make you do this because only have some Hey, girl, that's the same. All you need is one. I mean, believe me, I get it. So listen. I mean there's things we can do you. We've got this,

you know, and you already did the hardest part. And you should really be so proud of yourself about that. I mean, I you just should. I know this is difficult, but yeah, I actually haven't been like, you know, it's too emotional because I feel like I've been doing dealing with us for a really long time. But I just I don't want anyone to ever be, you know, heard in any situations. So ultimately, like for him, and it

was just a decision that needed to happen. But you know, it's so weird, like we met in COVID right before COVID, and then COVID happened, and so then from March, I mean we got engaged very quickly in our relationship, but then we had a whole year of just being together because you know, COVID happened in March and we didn't end up getting married until December, and I don't know

if you know. And I'd love to hear other people's stories about relationships either starting or ending in COVID because it was a completely different beast and I I'm a very social person and so just being isolated with one person was incredible for the maturation of a relationship because you get to just fully immerse yourself in each other. But you know me, once the world opens back up, the person doesn't see you in the same way that they used to do. So anyways, yeah, it's a very

it's the case study. And I know a lot of relationships um either started or ended because of COVID or or as part of the contribution to it starting or ending, not solely because of that. But yeah, it's uh, my emotion comes from, I think a place of fatigue honestly, just because I've been dealing with this for a long

time time. I will say this in closing, Um, I feel very lucky to have had the time that I had with my ex and I wish him nothing but the best, and it is an amicable situation there that said girlfriends are so I I you know, we have a lot of guy friends just from the nature of our work and the guys that we have had in our lives for so long as the Big brothers, right,

the guys that we work with. But damn, I'll tell you, like, there's nothing like a good girlfriend like you and like you know, the couple of girlfriends that really helped me through this thing. It's just I can't say enough about girlfriends. It's just something that I never ever ever take for granted because it's it's it's tough to go through certain things in life, but you don't feel alone when you have them. So hold on tight to those girlfriends and

keep it moving. The COVID thing is so interesting, Chris, I mean, especially now when you see when you talk about kids and depression and adults and depression going through COVID. Uh you talk about I mean unfortunately suicide rates and what's coming out of it. It would be incredible when this thing is all said and done, to know about relationships.

I mean, I feel like you heard about people going into COVID getting divorce as soon it was as it was over, just because they got to spend time people and couldn't stand up you know, yeah, and never again in our history. I mean a knock on wood. You know that you have a situation like that where you end up really learning that much about somebody or or anyways. But yeah, so it's uh, it's as my father likes to say that we are of a lot of chapters in our stories of life, and we're the authors of

our own story. And so he always says to me, if you don't like the way this thing is reading, if you're reading your own story and you don't like the way it's going, change it. And so, um, I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life, and um, see what happens. But yeah, I guess it's uh, it's not something you want to go through, but if you have to, it's the best case scenario in a lot of ways, you know, to be able to walk away and have the means to do so, because I know

that's also not for a lot of people either. Now I see we transitioned tanning, oh nothing, so so getting your body back part of the fact that I got to go back out and date again. It's so you guys, hold on tight for the Calm Down podcast because she's about to get very interesting. Bring forty years old. I'll tell you what I've never had to go. I've never not had to I've never went on a dating app, and I'm not going to go on one. But where are we supposed to meet people in the streets at

this age? Anyways, I'm going to start with getting a tan Okay, first and foremost not for dating, because I think I need to take a minute on that. But the tanning thing is because I am We have done so much as I get older to like the lotions and the motions to prevent aging. That it is eighty degrees outside right now. If you guys live in Los Angeles, you know that this week you're sitting over the weekend too.

It is so hot. All I want to do is throw on that bathing suit, throw on some tanning oil, and get out there. And I'm like, Chrissa, that completely negates the laser treatments you're doing. So I know you get a spray tan on Wednesday, and I'm not so where you professional? What's happening there? Coming to your house? What's going on? Yes, coming to the house. The spray tan situation pop that tent up in the living room. But the smell. Can we get a tanning anybody out there?

No a solution that doesn't smell, because even when they say like, oh, this one doesn't smell, it always smells and always comes off on the sheets and it takes it does it's ruining. Yeah, towels, I've ruined so many. It's just I have to do it. Oh see, I have to do it. I feel disgusting, like I need to get a tan. I need to like get out of my funk that I've been in and just be like, get a little tan. Can't tone it, tann it, you know, I'm telling you a second, I step out of that tent,

I feel five pounds thinner. I'm like, look at me. When she's like, you want me to paint some abs on? Yeah, do it? Carve it right out. I don't want to understand. With where we are in the world and vaccines were coming up with, why can't we come up with some tanning solution that doesn't smell like armpit or a whole It just does. It really does. It's awful and I'm a sweater, Like what we've established that why it doesn't mix well? With that. It's just awful. I am a person.

When I sleep, I do my covers right up to my nose. It's something I've always done, if I mean, like all the way up, yeah, to my nose, like I like to put like my eyes are sticking out, but my nose is underneath. It's just I'm confused, are you? Like does your mom tuck you in? And I like like this like night night, Jared, Like, how does this work? It's just how I do. I like to get cozy

right up to like my eyeballs. And then like when I'm at a hotel, I don't like the sheets touching my face or my neck or my arms, So I bring sweatshirts and I do my sweatshirts up to my eyes. Okay, no, no, no, no, I stop. You pack sweatshirts too so you can cozy up. No stop it. I didn't not know this about you. But the problem is when you've got the spray tan and your body heats rolling, I don't want to smell that. It's tough sledding. It's awful. Hey, get back on the

slopes and let's go back to the sweatshirt thing. So you grab a sweatshirt and knowing that you're not going to wear it, or is it a sweatshirt that you wear and then you're willing to bring into bed to cozy up. How what is the So there's a real situation. I can't wear the sweatshirt that I've worn on the plane there in the hotel bed because it's touching everything

in the plane. So that's no use to me. It's got to be the sweatshirt I'm wearing home, but I turn it inside out just in case the sweatshirt has been touching anything. Okay, no, you psycho, are you kidding? Oh God, not Andy Roddick, she said, neurotic. What are you talking about? You think about? I mean, I'm someone that doesn't like certain hotel sheets. But then I'm like, it's I don't know, I was a Ritz or a fourth season and it's a crispy, crispy sheet. I mean,

I'm not letting that down come near my face. But if it's a crispy white sheet that it's just lovely and you want to dive headfirst into like a twelve foot pool, yes, that thing goes up to my face. But I will tell you I also then have a panic attack in that hotel room. That second, that sheet and the inserts started to break through, and I wake up, jump out of bed like a tarantulas been on that bed. I'm like, it's touched me. There's a lot of other

people it's touched, and that's disgusting. Holy sh it. I didn't know that. I mean, I know, I know that you're a clean freak and for a certain thing, but I had no idea that this it transfers into the hotel as far as sweatshirt and wow, well, I definitely and you know, the hotels because we've spent a lot of time in certain regions of the United States, there's no chance that that top not even a comforter, it's

that top little thing. Just throw that off immediately, because that is the decrity pillow that they always don't know. I kick it right off. Kick it. I'm not even touching it. Kick it. Also, I made the fatal mistake of watching a dateline on the hotel cleaning staffs one times they did like an undercover investigation. Let's just say I no longer ever use a glass even to put my toothbrush in, like as a holder in the hotel room,

because they are wiping. This is what it was on the dateline, taking the cleaning to toilet straight to the glass, cleaning of the inside, disgusting anywhere so far as to put like if I'm if I have like a sleeping pill with me, or like any sort of antibiotics that I have on the road. I now put that in the safe because I'm convinced the cleaning crew is going to steal it. What you're like, I just put my whole entire like whatever, dopkin, That's what Jared calls. Yeah, dopkin.

I put that in the safe too, because I'm like, what if they thumb through it and they're like, here's a toothbrush, let me comb my My dance teacher, my dance coach for the University of Florida, Donny, she used to say, you better put that toothbrush away. They comb their your their butt hairs with it. Also, is that a landline ringing? It is? Jared? And also King call Ran and to go get it. I have a landline too, and everyone's like, well you have a landline, Like you

have to have a landline. What happens when the cell tower goes down there's no WiFi you gotta have a landline. We're really rich and we have a game. So Tanning, you're gonna tan Hey, We're going to go to stagecoach this weekend. I'm excited. I'm just gonna have a tan a stage coach this girl. Our group needs it too. Between what you're going through. I'm having eggs come out this week. Our girl, Kelly Stafford just had to put their dog down and I can't take it. That was

another thing I was going to write. I mean the day Kelly's post when she posted the girls crying the dog, I just started losing it in the car because I know I will have to be buried with Howie. I cannot do this life without him. I have. And when she wrote about so for those of you guys that don't know Kelly Stafford, um, the Stafford's lost their dollars. She was Smarley was thirteen. I think she was thirteen, which is an incredible life. And I get it and

you know enough though it's not long enough. And that's the thing, and you know, from for us like our babies because we don't have children yet, are our dogs. And Willis has been there for me and I think about this too, like as I was just talking about divorce, like me crying at night by myself, and through all the ups and downs and through all the ship that we've been through. Like again, I know a lot of people go through stuff, so this isn't like just us,

but totally. Dogs become that person for you that's there through everything. And they know talking about knowing secrets, those bad all. They know it all. And I can't even begin to imagine. I remember I was in Hawaii on vacation. I got a call from my dog walker saying Willis has been missing for eight hours. Willis got out of a door. And when Willis like Willis will run right because he's just like he's a wolf, he belongs in the wild. But he had been gone for eight hours.

I immediately booked flights to fly back. I was like, I have to go find me and talk to you. I was hype, you know, you know, I was like hyper ventilating. I was like, oh my god. And where he had gotten out was on a busy street, and I was like, he's dead. Oh my god, Oh my god, oh my god. I'm I'm almost at the airport. And then I get a call being like he with somebody turned him into a pound. But that moment where you think like this my like little slice of like heaven

is gone, is beyond anything. So anyone that has a dog or an animal that they love can understand. But yeah, I just we've had a week. But um, I'm excited for all of the fun things that we're going to do. We're gonna happen weekend. We're not Coachella people because well, I just feel like I'm too old to go to I wouldn't know what to do there. I wouldn't know any of that the bands. I feel like a real like I want to be Now that I'm almost I have this thing like I just feel too old to

do anything. I put on a shirt. This is like a middrift. It's like has a little thing that I was like, who am I stop it with the middrift? Too too old for this. I just it's like what we were talking about before doing dinner at eight o'clock. I'm trying to get into a reservation tomorrow at seven or seven thirty Eight's too late. That's too late for me. If someone says let's do dinner at six o'clock. I've never been happier. That means I'm back at home by eight.

I don't want to start the dinner at eight. That's going to ten o'clock. Then by the time I get home and take a shower and go to bed, now it's eleven o'clock. I'm too old for this. No, I'm too old. I'm too old, But I'm excited for Stage Coach. It's gonna be uh, it's gonna be fine. I'm having a really hard time speaking of being too old, of trying to figure out what to wear. I've been on Instagram and I'm looking at all these gals and they're

barely nothing there. And like, first of all, I'm I haven't been able to work out in the last like five days. I'm gonna go on gonna go on a walk in a minute, because you can't really when you're doing IVF, and so I feel gross, I feel bloated. It's all the things. Whatever. If we can get an egg out of this, I'll be so pumped. I won't even give a crap. You're going to be the girl all on this stage at Stage coach if we over

carry launching from the stage. But yeah, it's so funny because I you know, Jared is walking by me and I'm on my laptop and he's like, are you shopping for Stagecoach? And I'm like, I can't be the girl in the bikini and the short skirt, Babe. I'm gonna wear my nikes and I'm gonna wear baggy jeans. I was like, I'm just not this girl. And he's like, I know you're not this girl. And I don't know if that's bad or good. I'm just so cute. Please, you're you're sexy and a white T shirt and jeans,

and he loves you just where you are. But we were You were asking me what wear and I have this like dress whatever, which, by the way, I'm someone I never try anything gone. I'm a shopper, play off the rack, go home. As a former sales associate at North you hate who I am because you come back in and why do I feel guilty? I've never even worn the item? But I come back in those sales people. They look at you. They're like, was there anything wrong with this? And You're like, no, I just just didn't

fit when I got home. Yeah, and then they're like they do the full inspection. It's like you like I've worn it like that move of like I worried out and now I'm trying to return it. They're like looking under the armpits. They're smelling it like the I never I'm like, I just tried it on. I didn't want to try it on in the store, but they make you feel so bad. So it happened to me the other day. I brought back like a bunch of ship and they were not happy because it goes against the store.

And then she goes, you know, you could return this to the original location where you bought it. I was like, yeah, but this location is closer, Like, just take it back, okay, just pull up my portfolio. You see. I spent an exorbitant amount of money here, and I don't need your attitude, lady, because this was gonna be an exchange and I was going to peruse the store for some more items that I'm gonna okay exactly, and I have all of this money for dinner tonight and no one will help me.

I didn't ask if it would fit. I ask how much it was anyway, so I bought the dress. I don't know if that thing fits. When I sent you a picture of anyone caring. I'm not going to get a new boyfriend with this potty mouth. I don't worried about it. Oh God, what is this world? So yeah, so we'll see if that actually works. I could end up I'm for sure going to probably just end up in a T shirt and jeans. It's fine. I already

know and I know the ladies out there. You had talked about wearing boots, and then I was like, God, this one outfit would look so cute with boots. But I'm like, I can't do boots because the second I'm in the boots or something that sound comfortable on my feet and it's like this for me on the sidelines, it affects my mood. I'm like thinking about it NonStop. Is it hurting? I'm just a happier, skippier, like dancier

person and sneaks. So why am I going to make anyone miserable trying to be cute acute sins in a food that I'm just gonna be. And then like the conversation is going to start thirty minutes in God, I hope these don't hurt my feet. My feet are fine. Forty five minutes like are they are? They not shoot you know what, gut the gut through it. You got it, you got it, you got it. It's okay, it's about and you were performing. Then you feel and you're like, fuck,

I know what's happening. You don't want to complain about it. You know what's going to happen. You know. Ryan just reminded us of the high risk returns. I know, I know I'm gonna be a high risk return. Now. My other issue is what I'm wearing as a cover up, because I see a lot of these girls and they look cold, and I don't like to be cold. So I'm like looking at all these fringe jackets I could put around my little waisty too. But then, as we discussed in the Calm Down podcast, I got stomach and

as Sweat. There's a lot of things, many things going on here. So thank you for joining us on this episode of Divorce Fertility, As Sweat, Awareness Stowe stage coach, Jesus, we hope that you joined us next week. You never know what's going to happen. Then fuck subscribe like by end review. Oh congratulations Ben and Jen. Oh we didn't even get into Johnny Depp and Amber heard now there's a conversation for next week's podcast, because this child is

going nowhere. Don't mess with that makeup company. They'll tell you when that compact came out by everyone. Calm Down with Aaron and Chrissa is a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.