Episode 15: I’ll Be There for You with Dr. Caroline Leaf

Welcome to our tangents. This is usually when we sit down with Dak Prescott, Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers, do we have a ton of questions for you? Aloha and mahollow millik leaky maka is the thing to say, um my love of life. We always take our podcast on Mondays, so this will air later on in the week, but it was Memorial Day weekend. Did we have a good time? What's going on over there? We had a good time here? We uh we let off some steam? Can we can we talk about some news and notes before we get

to the price in the Lows? How about the news? And I think I tipped you off of this earlier of the map with Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers. Yeah, I know I need an invite attorney. You're always welcome back. This is what I want. I mean, we can't work the event obviously because it's on Turner Sports, which I'm jealous Fox. Why didn't we get this? Can Charles Barkley please just be out there and be the roaming I guess reporter on the golf course that you can't call

the sideline reporter. What do they call those reporters? I don't know. But put him anywhere in the bunker, in the trees. I mean, where's Waldo. Just get him out on the links, to the windows, to the walls. I mean, this guy these Yeah, I'm so excited about it. I mean, Tom Brady, you're gonna be Yeah, We're gonna be there, very much looking forward to it. Um. You know, we

could even do a live podcast during it. Aaron Andrews reporting here from the match in Big Sky, montanner Um with Tom, Jared and I were saying, this guy, this freaking guy, he didn't stop. He was just putting the zers out there on social media. It wasn't amazing. I was gonna say this social media is next level, like the second he left New England, that ship just like ramps right up there was the cartoons that came out. All that stuff. Well, according to the media, I'm in

love with Tom Brady, which you have always going to go. Well, I mean if i'd because like so, I didn't know you're that into Brady, Huh, like I am now. I mean, I just I'm so turned on by winners and like when he went Look, I always loved him in New England five and the whole thing, but when he went to Tampa and it was like watch me work. It was so hot to me because I just love somebody that,

you know. I refer to this statement a lot, but ray Lewis said, the difference between great and greatness is an individual is great and greatness is making everyone else around you better. And like that's what I saw. And granted, of course the defense was phenomenal all the other parts, but that you know, Brady Brady factor. So I'm excited to I'm jealous that you're going to be there for it. When is it again? July six? Stole, I mean, it's

etched into the wall. That's the funny part. Yes, the the uh, the clickbait, the newspapers had fun with you throwing game at Tom Brady. That's not what you were doing. Read the artist and that's not what you're doing. My favorite is when people come after me and they're like, oh, you're always commenting on Tom's I g Eron's just trying to shoot or shot. No, that's not me. Have you met my husband. He wears the cologne. He wears this

outfit like our household is obset. We love as friends with him, Yeah, yeah, but he's just the freaking man. I mean exactly what you said, like we obviously loved him when we met him and he's in New England, but exactly how he came and just laid it down and slayed in Tampa was like, okay, you do you lows of your week? How like you look like you at a time at the lake? Well, I look like I have a lot of foundation on. Is what I look like when I'm in this reverse. I don't even

it's one. It's this new arm like sun glow. I know you have like a glow happening for your listeners. This is very boring, but it looks like I just went to the mac counter and tried on all their products. Um I did. I had a little gal's weekend up at the lake. Of course you're always invited, but you have, um a lot of other friends, which I don't know

if I'm into you having other friends. Whenever I hear you say like, oh, I was with my girlfriends, I'm like, I don't like you having any other friends other than me. Um that said, fun time at the lake, and then I came back in house and home. I've converted my garage into an office. So exciting. That's finished. So the low is, UM, I I think that I'm not being a very good wife and I need to work on this because I'm getting now that COVID's over and we're

back into our independent lifestyles. Like I'm getting back into that I need to make a concerted effort to spend more time with my husband since we're bicoastal. So I'm going to work on that, and I'm going to um as my therapist said, I need to throw on a dress every now and then and be the lady in the relationship and UM so up. So I'm going to work on that. That's my low because I was just being irritable for no reason and I shouldn't do that.

So I'm it's more of like throwing a dress and make some dinner, which by the way, sounds so incredibly sexy, or like what is it, what's your first step? Yeah, and my and my therapist is great the reason, And it's not like sexist or anything. That is just more of like the softer side of sears. Remember that campaign.

Anyone that's like under the age of forty doesn't Uh yeah, no, I think I just sometimes I'm going back into my and you can understand this, like our independent ways where I'm like, I don't need anyone, and I'm like, okay, there's a you know, so I'm gonna work on that. But that's my side tangent. So that was my low um to just be more cognizant that I guess when you get married, there's another person in the relationship. So that's what I'm doing. What about you've was SPF not

available at the lake this weekend? I know it wasn't picture red rope. I'm gonna have to go and get a lot of lasering. Look at this burnt situation and in your forties, by the way, I stop it. I just hit the table and Daisy got up. It's okay. The dog, um, the dog by dog. Yeah, it's a little red. Don't you hate it when you ever get like burnt and someone's like, oh, you're looking a little red. I'm like, it'll be a tan, don't worry about it.

But this is also a lot of laser treatments. Then that's also, by the way, what I used to do on the daily growing up in Florida, and now I'm paying for it now with just this skin. And yeah, all the laser treatments. Um. Yeah, tough week in the Andrew Stole Household. I feel like I throughout my life, well not my life, but over the last few years have not been shy with my battle with cervical cancer and so forth. And there's a lot of things you deal with after you have it, and infertility is one

of them. And it was a devastating week, to say the least in our house. And um, you know, it's interesting because I think I shared with you last month that a couple of videos right on Instagram is my voice quiver so cute, um, And people have very embarrassed to talk about this stuff. And I was joking with you this week be as we were kind of going through all my crap and I was like, you want

me to be another spokesperson? All be another spokesperson. What it's like, what movie or what show is up from? What do you want for me? But yeah, it's like look to my husband this week and it's like ship, here we go. I'm another freaking spokesperson of something. But I think what makes me so mad and piste off about this whole situation is that people are so embarrassed

to talk about this and they shouldn't be. And uh, you know, I'm excited today for our guests coming up because it's about stress and anxiety, and the stress and anxiety and disappointment and grief in our house has never been bigger. And um that's my low, my high wise, um, my group of just people and this is my husband included that we were able to talk to you about this, and again, what's so crazy about this whole journey for

us is that we learned so much. So many people deal with this, and we learned that they are afraid to say something, and we are so lucky to have the core group of people that we do. You included, Um, I walked my dog the other day and called you and baled my brains out and um, you were just you listen, But then you gave me a stern talking to and I appreciated it. But also like the men that have reached out, and that's very much to do with my husband's circle, and just getting text from them

and their heartbreak for us was huge. But I will tell you this when there's another high after this. Um, if you were dealing with this out there and men included, talk to your people. I mean, we're talking so much about mental health today. You cannot keep this in. You have to talk and lean on your people. And even though it's like a really sensitive, horrible subject, like your friends, they will understand. And two girlfriends in my life, Crissa

Thompson and my other girlfriend Megan Mitchell. I just bitched to you the other day and balled to you, and then I texted Megan and I bitched to her about something and you both said the same thing to me. Okay, you know what, you do have it in you to continue. Let's pretend your TV twelve and this is your freaking super Bowl and let's fucking go. And I said to both of you, my god, you both know me. So well to bring it back to Tom Brady. So there I am shooting my shot again. I will also tell

you another high. WI was as shitty as we felt in this house. This week we turned on The Friends Reunion and it was so good and we both said, thank god we watched it, and did you watch it? I did, And first of all, I want to commend you as and now I'm going to cry because I just love you so much. And good friends are like extensions of Remember when we when I got in a fight and I started crying when we got in a fight,

and You're like, why are you crying? Because that's like how I like convey like how I care about people. But I'm just proud of you too, go through everything that you're going through, and I'm always here for you. And you know, like anyone listening to this podcast, hopefully you have those people in your life because when it's not when things are it's when things go bad you

find out who's there. And I'll always be there for you and very similar to you know what you said, I'm gonna be there to give you a big hug, but then I'm also gonna pick you up off the floor. And sometimes that's a little tough love. That's even want to be my marriage. But it is that thing that um, you know, I I just I just love you and I only want you know the best for you. But you have a tremendous amount of support and you are

running a race. But that racing over like I told you, So maybe we're on mile and it's not We're not at the pace that you want, but there's a couple more miles left here and I'll be there to carry you over the finish line if you need to. So just know that you being open about you know, it's it's easy to stand there, you know, and work the NFC Championship game and your life looks perfect in your husband and you've got this perfect family and all this stuff.

But it's like care blowing in the wind. But dump danta um. But your ability to be honest about what it is that you're going through. Um on every level, Aaron, I mean, from what has happened to you and anyways.

I just I just really want you to know that your openness helps way more people than you realize, even me, you know, I I've now looked at my situation and been like, Okay, I need to get going on some things because so thank you for being vulnerable and just know that you know, you've got a tremendous amount of support and anyone listening that's going whether it's in fertility or any issue that you have going on. And we'll dive into that a little bit more with our guest

Caroline Leaf after Caroline Leaf. Um that awareness about mental health and you know, we some of the athletes that we love, right the Dad Prescott's of the world who you just can't help but root for, stands up there and says I'm going through this, or his brother, you know, passing away, and the vulnerability on that that stage, right, So it doesn't matter if you're the quarterback to the Cowboys or you know, you in the position that that you have. Everyone needs to be open and honest about

what they're going through if they if they can. Some people like the privacy, but I'm just saying that your openness helps more people than you realize. So thank you for that, um and bringing it back. That's what it's all about, is your group, right, your group? And what what I realized and watching it last night and I was a fan of the show, did you just spit that plastic out. That was like the pretty woman I was fate kissing that looked like you went like with

the gum. Have you ever done that before? Anyways? Us the Friends Reunion. So I was a fan of the show, But what I didn't realize until last night watching it is that group was going through something that like nobody else knew, right, and so they're bond. Like even when they said that they did that huddle before every show, I said, you stop it right now, like that is you know? It was just it brought it back to your circle that you have around you support you. That's

a huddle. The sports we love a huddle like bringing the group of people you love together. I just loved everything about it. What was your favorite part? Um? I was just gonna ask you that my favorite part, I think the thing we're all texting about with each other is um. First of all, I liked Lisa Kudro so much more, not that I wasn't a fan of her, but she was so lovely in the reunion. And I don't know, I guess like I don't know, I just love more now exactly the same. Yeah, And I know

our makeup artist Brett Good job. What was the other one? I mean, I think what everybody's freaking out about was that Ross and Rachel really had a crush on each other. And it's like, so I immediately looked to see if he's married right now. Sorry if you're dating him, and you know you're you're a fan of the show, but I was checking out to see if he was married

because I was like, there's still a chance. And all the behind the scenes footage of like them cuddling on the couch, and then everybody's saying, oh, we knew you'all were crushing on each other. Stop it, Why why is this not happening? Move over, Harry and Megan. I mean, this would be like a couple of all couples. And now the Brad thing. I've always wanted the reunion of Jen and Brad when they're the Golden Globes in that touch and the thing, and I was like, oh my god,

maybe there's a champ. Doesn't seem like that's happening. So Ross and Rachel are are I mean, can you even freaking imagine if they got back together in real life? Yeah, no, it'd be amazing. And the other Matt LeBlanc was hot back in the day, like he was breaking hot. Yeah, photos of him. I also liked his I love the stories of the auditions where it was like and all I could think about is like, wonder if you're someone who like audition for those parts, and like Marta Coppin's

like we couldn't find anyone. I'd be like, wow, yeah, you know whatever. I mean imagine or imagine being like the person that they called back and it was like between you and Chandler whatever, And it was like knowing that you were so close. Talk about life changing. But now now I can't imagine another Characteruse That's just the way it works. Mike Mulvehill line one one of my favorite guys. UM Fox. He basically um he deals with all our ratings. He knows how to schedule our games.

I'm not doing him justice with his title, but he's my dream. I go to him for demo numbers, ratings numbers. Jared and I after we watched the reunion, we just started looking up the whole thing about their contracts and when they all held out together so they could all be equally paid. They were all paid. In this particular article, we read two to three million dollars to do the reunion show. HBO Max's subscriptions went up six hundred percent

when the French re Union came out. There fucking money. And remember when James Cordon at the Begning was like reading off all the numbers. He's like, it's been seen in like a hundred the shows a much a hundred billion times, and even their faces were like, I need to know what those residual checks look like. Two hundred million, twenty million a year each. Shut up. I'll be there

for you, yeah, always. And we went to brunch today with our buddy is a former producer, and he was saying, we you know, we're talking about how they sat out and they all made a million per episode for seasons nine and ten, and our buddy reminded us, you guys, keep in mind that wasn't when it was just ten episodes a season. They were doing like twenty two episodes. So also, seventeen years ago, a million dollars is now white ten million or whatever it might be. I mean,

that's crazy. Okay, next show, you want to see them do something like this? Which is the next worthy show for something like this? For reunion? Yeah? Well, I mean I think that you would say Seinfeld, like, this isn't that you're that's more you're like Seinfelder. I would want and I know they're doing a whole like reboot, but I really would love Sex in the City. But you have to have Kim Contral there. You need to have all of the parties there, and they need to be

honest about the nonsense. Yes, Mary, yes, but it's like, if you're gonna do it, then's sit down and be on. I mean, look look at what you look at what you're doing, even on this podcast, Like I know that when we even talked doing a podcast a couple of years ago, I was like, do it if you're going to be you. And remember even some of our wonderful Russell Wilson said that to you. Aaron said that to you. Roger said that too. He's like, Okay, we're gonna do

a podcast, but you have to be you. And that's how I think about these reunion shows. Were like even them saying about the Ross and Rachel thing like I love that, but are you kidding me? And James and I never thought about it, but James Corton was onto something, are you telling me? Nobody on that that like Castle left together with each other, curse, they were freaking hot. They were all probably partying together. Like, tell me, nobody hooked up who do you think? Freaking way? I bet

you was a Chandler Monica situation. I bet you they did. Matt le Blanc had to be hooking up with someone he was I don't know. I also see him being like the like hot remember Joey Lawrence. I may have hosted a show with them. Splash, I'm not bragging. These are just dude, remember and Blossom how he was like the hot dumb brother, like Joey was like the hot dumb friend. So I don't know if are you into that?

I don't know. But one more thing I'll say. Since we've watched the reunion, we've had the Friends repeats on NonStop now, and I'm curious how much those numbers, you know, I love the rating have increased. It's like when an artist dies and everybody goes and listens to their music and you see the spike in numbers. But yeah, we've had it on all day in the house. It's a great point because yours truly who peripherally like Friends, But it was on I'd watch it, but I didn't seek

it out. Now I feel excited to go back and watch it, knowing like the behind the scenes and the backstory and the whole thing. Also, how money are those coat like the coke free like the executive producers like creators and writers like Jesus. I also liked Real Quickly. I liked when Jennifer Aniston's producer on the show. She was working almost like Oh, that show won't make you a star, And then James Cordon, he's so good, He's like, oh, we have that producer here tonight. It was so funny.

She got like all embarrassed, like she was going to have to confront him. But people when he was on show, I thought he did a great job. Like the problem is that there was like this whole like ordeal where people were like piste off that James Gordon was hosting it. I thought he did a freaking phenomenal job. I loved him. You know what those people need, They need doctor Caroline Leaf in their life and a calm down award. Well exactly. We are going to dive into all things mental health

and awareness with our next guest. I need it all um, you and your vulnerability, which again, I cannot overstate how much I respect you for doing that. Um. We'll figure out why the mind works the way it does. UM. She's coming up next. We have a lot of questions for her. This is the Calm Down Podcast. And Ross and Rachel please get back together. Make us happy we

should and singing. I love the one where at the end, like where they showed Dreana oh my god having them do the kiss, one when they were script reading it. I like the one where it was like my eyes, my eyes, and then she was like she so excited. Freak at the apartment because he didn't want to see Rawson found Monota then he jumped up. Those table reads

were really cute. Well, I know Aaron and I are very excited to welcome in our guest Dr Caroline Leave thirty eight years and then some of experience in you know, the well renowned neuroscientists and best selling author that you are. That is a title that Aaron and I will never have. Um. In terms of moro scientists, we are. We are humbled by your presence and we can't wait to speak to

you about all of the things. For those individuals Caroline that don't know your background, would you mind just sort of explaining to uh, to our listeners how you got into this incredibly impressive field. Absolutely well, thank you very much for having me on your podcast. I always love to share, and it's an important topic to talk about people's minds because that's what drives us. So basically, i'm as you see the cognitive neuroscientists and communication mythologists. What

I study is psycho neurobiology. So what that means is

I look at mind, brain, body. And I started off thirty eight years ago in a time period in science where they didn't believe the brain could change, and I was being trained to work with people with brain damage, and I just remember my one neuroscience lecturer saying, well, the brain can't change, so therefore when you work with traumatic brain injured patients, you are going to have to just teach them to compensate and that just like I said, No,

I'm sorry, I cannot deal with that. I said, if you think of it as humans, we are always having new experiences, we're learning, be changing, And that makes logical sense because in the eighties they believed that the mind was separate from the brain, so that they got right, but they didn't believe the brain could change. So they just feelt, Okay, well, it doesn't matter what you do with your mind because the brains are going to change,

so just teach compensations. It's very illogical. So I challenged that, and they said, okay, well that's your kill us question to say the mind can change the brain, so prove it. So so I said, give me the worst population you can think of, the most difficult population, not worst, and they said, well, work with traumatic brain injured patients who have been in comas for longer than eight hours, because

that was considered irreversible brain damage. And I took them on and I started doing research, and my first major study was with a subject who had actually been in a coma for two weeks and had been told by her neurologist that she her parents have been told that she would be a vegetable. Literally, those were the words. Thank god, they don't use those words anymore to a patient's face, or two a parent's face, but they did.

And those parents contacted me because they heard I was doing this kind of research, and they said they cannot just give up on their change. They've pretty much been told to give up. But they didn't they had stuck with her. She came out of her coma, they had done their best to stimulate her. They brought her home and even coming out the coma and functioning at whatever level. Long story short, that was a miracle. She was sixteen at the time of her accident, seventeen when they contacted me.

She had lost almost her whole of her eleventh grade year, and her peer group was going into twelfth grade. Her desire when they came to me was to get back into twelfth grade and to finish twelfth grade. Her doctors and her teachers all said, why you even trying that she couldn't even cope on her second grade level. And UM, so you know, I was a new scientist, young therapist, in new in the research. I believed totally that you could change. And I said, okay, well it's this. I mean,

let's do at least try. And within eight months that goes three times a week. And I say this, I saw her three hours a week, and within eight months, that young girl not only had gone from second grade back to twelfth grade, but she finished twelfth grade with her peer group, and she did better in her grades than she did prior to her accident, she battled like crazy with math, was a very average student prior to

the accident. Post accident, she was a math genius. She her Q school, not that ARQUE schools is much, but I had it done by a neuro psychologist who does it in a specific way, and she was basically on the genius level. She prior to that, her ARQUE was average.

So here we have someone who was average student, average r average intelligence, kind of just you know, going along, has a terrible accident, is written off by the medical community, and by using her mind, she becomes a math genius, goes and finish the school, goes to college, goes on to make a life for herself. And that was one of hundreds and then thousands of cases. So that really got me going. And I did. What that was is

I showed neuroplasticity. I showed that when you deliberately used your mind in a specific way, you're going to change your brain. Your brain is substance, it's physical substance, and it is driven by the mind. So it's the thing or process that helps us to experience life, and the mind uses the brain to convert that experience into a way that we can actually express that experience. So in

other words, we are having an experience. Now we're having a discussion about this topic of mind, brain, mental health and all the things we get into. But that is

being absorbed by, taken in and process too. Think, field, choose, and all these photons of all the gravitational fields and things which is mind and pushed into the brain, and the brain responds on an electro magnetic and I've got a brain here electro magnetic, chemical and neurochemical and genetic level, and everything I'm saying is growing in your brain as

trees from me being the source. I'm supplying the information and you're listening is going into the root system like a tree for the listeners, I'm holding up a little tree in a pot, and the roots system is in the pot. But the roots system you prompt the seed, which is the name of the podcast. Seed. Then as I'm talking, those are the roots, root memories. It's the source.

So the roots are the source of the experience. And then the branches, this is so cool, are your interpretation you're thinking, feeling and choosing, which is based on your identity of the information. And then all of this together at the end of this conversation. You now have this knowledge in your brain as a tree, in the gravitational fields of your mind as waves, and in the DNA of your body, changing your actual DNA because his mind to brain, brain to body. So now let's say it's

a toxic experience. Here has a toxic tree. So literally the thoughts looked at they look like trees in the brain. That's why I use these analogies and that. So this is now this wiry one I brought all the way from South Africa. Um, this is now a toxic version. So this would be let's say COVID. There we go the pandemic. There's your pandemic traumatory and it is a trauma if it's changed our lives. You don't know what's

going on. So the root system is right from when it's started, and all the uncertainty and the news and the media and your own experience and isolation and whatever happened to that's all in the roots system. As the root system grows, you interpret, so each day there's something added and you're adding to so that ranch memories are how you think, feel and choose about those. It's easy to understand something like sexual trauma because it's so insidious.

But generally there's there's the trauma, and you always experience, interpret, experience, interpret, and the interpretation is literally our identity. So this is toxic identities toxic. So someone who said sexual trauma, they tend to see themselves as shame, I deserve pain, I'm bad, it's my faults because those are the standard kind of ways that someone will think when they've gone through that. You have to change when someone has gone through major

sexual abuse because it's such a distortion. So that's that then, is how the person then shows up. So this is undealt with This is real in the brain. It's protein tree like structure in the brain. It's in the mind as these waves, it's in the DNA of our body. So when something triggers this, the whole experience comes back, and that's why we have the somatic, the body experience. The body keeps the score that kind of concept, and so you that's why somebody experiences tuma. They will get

the trigger. The trigger brings back all the data, all the emotions, the interpretation, how they see themselves, back to the root, and it's all drawn up from the body to the data in the brain. With the feelings and stuff, and then the So the body is the sensations, the brain is the data of the what happened in the feelings, and then the mind is the whole experience. And it can be ten years, twenty years later, but the experience comes back. And until this is deconstructed and reconstructed into

something healthy, this is controlling and it is real. So the immune system of the brainom body recognized this as real and will send out in exactly the same way as the covid virus has got the weird protein. And we all know that this weird protein stimulates the immune system to fight it, which we all understand. But do we realize that that toxic trauma that you've experienced is also a physical tree in your brain like the covid protein.

Different protein to the covid, but also protein. It's real. What I'm saying that this is real. So your immune system of your brains, as much as it will fight anything that's threatening your survival, the toxic thought is also threatening your survival. So the immune system will also fight this responds in the same way, so we get the whole physiological response. I mean, that's a long answer to

your question. But essentially that's kind of That's what I've studied for thirty eight years, and what I've try and do is I've got the whole therapeutic application. But I work very much now and trying to bring this to everyone because everyone has a mind and everyone needs to know how to manage their mind, and we need to be teaching those in schools from young I'm taking you to every dinner party I have. Will be bored. I mean I could listen to you talk for hours and

you talk about the therapeutic application. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but is that what you're talking about with these five steps in your book that you go over with cleaning up your mental mask? Can we talk about what these five steps are all about? Because your books coming tomorrow to my house, but I'm ready to go, Like, I mean, do you want to go over the cliff Nes version of this? Sure? Sure,

absolutely so. Thirty I DearS ago when I started in the field with the patient that I told you about, I thought, how am I going to be able to show this helpless person understand? What is the thought? What are the what the memories? Are they the same thing? Can you build in can you change them? Can you rewire them? How do you change your brain? And how do you change your feet? So that those are my questions that I was asking, how can I help you

get that social emotional colbums to functioning and um. So in that process I slid it sort of the whole New Sun side of all the stuff and the ecological side and the combination and came up with a five step process. And basically the neuro cycle is like Amazon. It's like a delivery system enabling you to manage your mind. So it's a mind management delivery system where you use your wise mind, which all of us have. Our cored of who we are is wisdom, it's survival, it's love,

it's all our neurobiology. Everything is designed for that. We see that in quantum physics, we see in physics, we see it in neurobiology, psycho neurobiology, all the stuff. We see that we are as human as your wife for survival. Just having an immune system is because we we survival oriented. We are optimism oriented and were drawn towards that to

fix any imbalance that threatens that. So essentially the five step system is a delivery system for helping you to recognize and see how there's an imbalance, there's a threat to my survival and how can I find out what

it means and how can I fix that? And so essentially, this toxic trauma is going to produce signals, and that's your non conscious mind because you have different levels of mind, Your no unconscious mind sending a warning signal to your conscious mind saying hey, wake up like an alarm wakes you up like a fire alarm tells you something is

going on. There's always a source to how we are expressing ourselves in our emotions for areas, our emotions of physical sensations in our body, our behaviors, and our perspective of how we're looking at life, what does it mean to be human and to be alive? And the thought of memory thing because at the core, whatever you do s human. That's our core. What is our core humanity? And what sort of level of regulation do you have?

So that just kind of the background that the system developed out of, out of the need to understand that and out of the need to give a patient in a severely extreme state of traumatic brain injury or Wildsheimer's autism or learning disabilities or something like that to help them as well as me and my kids and everyone else, because we've all got to mind. Your mind never stops.

You can go three weeks without food, you can go three days without water, you can go three minutes without oxygen, but you don't even go through seconds without your mind working. It's your engine, and if you're not regulating it, your mind is going to be shuffled all over the place. Because this mind that drives everything has two major components, two sides to it. One is the messy mind and one is the wise mind. This is the simplest way to understand this, and the wise the messy mind is

both of them are completely normal. We've all got them, and they're both fantastic. The messy mind is how we experience life like. We don't know what's coming up. We don't control events or circumstances. We can't control people, we can't control what happens to us. We can only control what happens in us. We can only control our responses. So not being able to control is all the messy mind. You're basically an experiment in action every moment of every day.

Because you don't know what I'm going to say next. You don't know what's going to happen in the next moment when you finish this podcast, you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. So the problem comes in in that we've got so caught up in technology and newer reductionism, which is focused on the physical and the brain, brain, brain, and sort of like trying to get an external goal that we've forgotten about the prois of self regulation, which

is boops, have made a message. Okay, to make a mess, because we have been trained to hide anything that we have deemed weak. Meanwhile, everything that is supposedly weak with toxic is actually a really beautiful, helpful messenger. It is your unconscious mind and your brain and your body trying to actually dissipate this toxic energy so that you can survive. But instead of us welcoming those in which Eastern philosophy

actually does. And my show this with my research too, and there's a lot of research in this field showing that when you embrace these emotions and these behaviors and these perspectives that are toxic, when you embrace them as messengers as opposed to trying to hide them as bad things, as symptoms of a disease, you completely shift you on

your physiology. So as I learned all of this, I realized I have to create a system that's going to help people to get into the right mind management process that they can learn to manage their mind for the big stuff, like the big traumas that all of us have trauma. There is no one who's examp from trauma.

We all have depression and anxiety, just it's different degrees at different times of our lives, and sometimes it accumulates and we crash, and at the times we can keep going because there's a normal level of anxiety that we all have, and in these extreme versions because of extreme situations. But all of those are not diseases. All of those are human responses to just being a human in life and the city things that happen in life, and the nice things that happen in life. It's all our responses.

But everything is a message. So when you have peace and calm, beautiful message, absorb that growth that focus on it, which is what sort of meditation and those kind of things do. But don't be scared of the bad stuff because they're also telling you something beautiful. So what we've got to do is help people in those different states and ourselves, because all of us have this two different degrees at different stages. We've got to level the playing fields,

tell ourselves it's okay, and manage those processes. And that's what the neurocycle is. It can be used in a heavy therapeutic sense, which therapists do, and but you want to be a therapist. To use it, you just have to understand the five steps, and anyone at any age can understand them. That's why I bring out the books. I've got an app as well, called the New Recycle app that we're always growing and adding stuff on and

everything to help people. But it's basically a delivery system for how can I stand back, observe these signals and how can I become a detective find out why I'm doing them, and then how can I reconceptualize them. The abuse happened, the toruma happened, COVID happened, the loss happened, the grief, the bully, It has happened. It's happened to you. But you can change and reconceptualize what's in you and change our place out into the future. Does that makes sense?

You know it is? And and we said it, you know, to start, we were so excited to speak to you. Of course, Um, you know, Mental Health Awareness Week shouldn't just be limited to a week. It should be you know, you're constant time. So that's why we wanted to take this opportunity to sort of expand upon that, knowing that we don't have as much time with you as we obviously want. Um, is that when you mentioned the five steps,

I mean it says they're simple, scientifically proven steps. Are they bullet points or there is something that you can do? You know, get the thesis statement of what are those five bullet point can give that people can put in their pocket and take with them daily. Absolutely, so essentially you can use it if you think of it like this. It's, as I said, it's a delivery system. So it's basically just the way that you organize your mind about everything.

So the easiest way to learn the system is to practice using it for something like a toxic habit or a toxic tumor So start at this point. Okay, what is a pattern in your life? Start there? I think I was listening, just think what is a disruptive pattern in my life? At the moment, all of us have got something. Actually, probably find that you can maybe five or ten, and that's okay, start with number the one that's like that you drink is the highest problematic, disruptive

feature in your life at the moment. Pattern. Okay, that's a good place to start. Then once you've identified that, then you stand back and you say, okay, this is a very normal human reaction. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm going through something even linked to let's say it's an addiction. Maybe you addicted to something at the moment, maybe you like an alcoholic, or you um into drugs and that kind of thing. Even that is not that you are diseased. It is that you are using that

as a coping mechanism. So there's a reason why you feel the need to be drinking at this stage. You're taking drugs or over exercising or under eating or over whatever. Everything we do always has reasons. You've got to tell yourself that's the pattern that's worrying me, and there's a reason why I'm doing it, and it's okay, that's my messy mind trying to deal with life. But I have

a wise mind. Everyone has this at their core. We call it wired for love, and literally there's no structure in the brain or the body that is wired for not managing the mess. We are wired to make a mess and manage it. Were wired to make the mistakes, repair and grow. We're not wired to not make any mistakes. That's a ridiculous goal that we've set in the self help industry that you can always be positive and you can always attract positive things and just say teen positive

affirmations and say teen gratitude statements. If you start your gratitude diary but you haven't dealt with your core issues, you are going to shift a little bit, but you're actually going to fall back because you're just trying to slap a band aid on a bulletoo. And as one of my friends would say, so essentially, you come into the neuro cycle with the attitude of it's okay, it's okay to do The humans from the beginning of time have done lousy things and have battled or have been

victims of terrible things. All of us need the opportunity to be able to express our story because everyone has multiple stories, and the longer we suppress that, the more we are going to die younger. And just before I dive into the steps. We are in an era now where we've been the most advanced technologically and medically wise, which everyone knows. But what we don't know, which is not being spoken about enough, is that despite that, the

decades trend of people living longer has reversed. So even prior to COVID, people have been dying eight to twenty five years younger than they should from preventable lifestyle diseases in this modern era, can you believe it? So from fourteen they picked up the strain and it's from preventable lifestyle disease. So people are going from stress induced diseases. We've established the link between unmanaged mind and toxic stress

and physiological damage. If for every unmanaged toxic thought, the vulnerability in your body increases, and over time that increases, it gets more and more and more. Eventually you can be cirty five to vulnerable in your body to disease

from unmanaged minds. And that's what's happening. People are dying from cardiovascular events because they've just never had a chance to really process the issues, and then they are developing addictions and overall under exercising and eating the wrong foods and all of that combines to a lifestyle combination that creates chaos and your hot packs up, and that's unnecessary. We know enough to not have that happening. We can

live full, healthy lives even when we sick. People can live pretty full healthy lives because that's been shown as well. So the neurocycle comes from all of that angle, and it's so important that you come from that mindset. So essentially it's very systematic. It drives the brain. I've actually got a chart in the book, and the chart breaks down the five steps. It's a very simple overview of

see which pages are. If anyone who's got the book or getting the book on page one, but there's a chance that has the five steps in the middle of the book, and I say, step one is this, and then it does this in the brain, this in the body, this in the mind, because those are three different things. And so the first thing is that whole mindset stuff I've just given you. They come in with that attitude.

This is helpful. It's so critical. I cannot stress that enough because if you don't, you're going to come into the neurocycle concept beating yourself, being unkind to yourself and already fourteen d physiological responses are working against you, so your resilience is already dropped. So for example, if you think, oh, I'm bad and this is terrible, and I'm sick and I'm brained, I'm crazy, I'm this and I'm useless and I'm shame, and you know, I've got to do this

and it's another thing I've got to do. And if you come in with that, one of the fourteen hundred responses that will happen is that the blood this is around your heart will constrict, and instead of constricting and relaxing and constricting and relaxing, they'll stay in a constricted straight chronically so for long period. That will decrease blood flow and oxygen to your brain, which will decrease your ability to think clearly and increase your chance of a stroke.

So that's not a good thing. And then then you get another signal to your kidneys to increase the salt water in your blood to constrict the blood vessels again, but just supposed to only be a temporary thing. To have a bursting blood pressure, then it's supposed to relax, but then it doesn't stop, so you can hyper attension your blood pressure increases, and that also increases your risk of stroke and cumulatively, over time, these things just break

down our body. But if we come in and say life is so hard, this has happened, that's happened, and we're all honest about it, three percent of leaders are only talking about this. If of us were saying, I had such a lousy day, this is the field I'm going to this in my life, and we all accept it with each other. It becomes the norm to be able to express and support and get it out, we

would find a much healthier society. We wouldn't have such a broken identities and song because you're trying to hide behind this venea and pretend everything is cool and wonderful when it's not, and it's and it's okay that it's not. And then just to get down to the practical brass text routes, this cycle works over sixties three days. One of the things that I did research is how long does it take to add actually breakdown a memory and to change to that it's the new memory that sorry

thought sorts are made of memories. That's the thought, and then all the little branches of the memories, So memories are different too, thoughts thoughts the concept tree, and then the detail is in the memory, so the feeling memories, data memories, what happened, that's all the roots, branches, etcetera. Okay, so it takes twenty one days to actually build a

memory of a concept. Okay, so twenty one days to to build something, So it takes to any one days also to break down then, but that's sort a habit. We've always been told that habits form in two any one days. That's a meth It was just a myth that's been promulgated. It's not science at all. It takes an average sixty to sixty six days, right, I found in my research sixty three days, but it will take a couple of days on other side. And it's three

cycles of twenty one. And the first cycle is where you identify from the signals to the root of what's happening, and you deconstruct and you reconstruct, and that process takes about twenty one days, and sometimes you only do part of it and then you have to do another cycle. Then once you've created got to this point, you then spend another forty two days turning this into a habit. Because This is hard work, and you don't build rome in a day. You can't fix it in one cycle

each day. It's designed that your brain as a little bit each day. That's how you are sustainable. And it can take a bit of discipline to get yourself back into it. Like if you've got no exercise routine, it takes you. It's the same principle operating. But once you've done one cycle, it changes your life completely because you suddenly see, hey, I feel depressed, but I don't have to stay there. It doesn't have to affect my whole day,

my whole life, my every relationship. I can actually manage this. I can get through this. You Also, it's such a relief because it's okay to feel like this. I'm not a bad person. I'm not a broken person, not a brain disease. But I'm not crazy. I'm just a normal human who's going through life. This is just a signal, this is just a response. There is a reason. So

the first step then is is to gather awareness. The second step is reflects the third and fourth or right steps, and the first step is an action step that disciplines you to not ruminate. That's basically the essence of it in the first step, which is called other awareness. Gather is every word, every description has been very scientifically tested. Gather is an agency giving word. It's an empowering word.

It means that I'm not being having I don't have all the apple treese falling on my head of life. You all sitting under the apple tree. Everything is falling on my head and I'm overwhelmed. I'm not doing that. I'm actually standing back and I'm selecting. I'll pick that apple today. I can only deal with that apple. I'll gather that one. I'll put that in my basket. I'll become aware of that and I'll deal with that today. So it's a gathering of awareness too that you control

the process. Now, there's four basic areas that you gather awareness of, but before you do that, you need to prepare your brain. So as you sit down and start the neurocycle, if you do the app you'll see there's a two to three minute little preparation exercise and that's the breathing stuff for meditation or tapping or havening or like all these little different exercises that change your neurophysiology and bring your neurochemistry into balance and balance the two

sides of your brain. And they don't fix anything, They just increase awareness and they propel your brain and body for the work. So I call all of that brain preparation, and then you can do in your life that then do a little brain preparation before and then you dive into the five steps, of which gathered witness is the first I wish I had all the time with you,

I think. If that that's exactly why it's important for everyone to go out and grab this book because there's so many layers to reversing the neurocycle and reversing you know, even why we wanted to have you one today and again thank you for bringing here, was to reverse the stereotypes and the stigmas that are attached to mental health, and that there are so many layers and as you've demonstrated in your UM, your plant analogy the root system.

So it is so important for everyone to educate themselves on that because we don't want those kinds of plants in our mind. UM Cleaning up your mental mess The five simple, scientifically proven steps to reduce anxiety, stress, and toxic thinking. Caroline Leaf, thank you so much. You also have your podcast, which will dive into this even further. I I'm first of all, I didn't even know there was a difference between brain and mind until speaking to you, so I most people don't. Yeah. So I I have

a lot of things to explore. And you've done an incredible job of educating our our listeners and viewers in a short amount of time. I know that I've now want to scratch the surface further. So thank you, so so so much. Thank you, Thanks me on your show, Bye bye, thank you. Welcome back, everybody. This is the Calm Down Podcast, and I will not calm down about

the education. Dr Caroline Leaf just schooled us in I whenever I hear someone like that, and I know you probably feel the same way, I'm humbled by like I don't know anything. I mean, I didn't even know the

difference between the mind and the brain. But I am so curious because I mean, Aaron, our background in sports, you know, you hear it all the time that this thing it's sports or mental and ten percent physical, and you know players ability to compartmentalize things that are going on and then have their actions follow I just I definitely, I mean, I couldn't understand everything she was saying because just so smart. But I'm curious to to dive more

into her book. And I know that it's important for me to get out of my head with certain things and understand why we think the way that we do. How did you feel about it all? Well, two things. Um, the brain is very interesting to me because I mean, I married somebody who had a lot of head injuries. You know, we're around guys that have done that, So I'm always curious about like brain and mental exercises and

things like that. Um, you know, And I thought that was so refreshing story she first told about somebody that suffered an accident and getting them back on track physically as well as mentally. I love the fact that you can go in and kind of re teach yourself, so I thought that was huge. I also wanted to ask, but I know we were short on time. Just I didn't need to ask because I get it how much you need to take care of your mental your mentals,

Marshall Lynch, because your physicals physicals. Yeah, well then follow you know what I mean. I mean, I am so convinced and this is so crazy. And while we're getting deep today on this one. I mean after my whole thing with the you know, stalking incident, and then I was on trial my dad. Well, first of all, after I was um, we found out I had a stalker, and that whole thing came out. My dad three months

later was diagnosed with prostate cancer. And I am convinced in my head that was because of this dress that my family was going through. After my trial, which was the most anxiety, maybe besides this week I've ever suffered in my life, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. And I do believe that if you and I do and I love you, and you've said this to me, and my girlfriends have been saying it to me all week, you keep your ship in, it's gonna come out another way,

and it's not going to be a healthy way. And I think I didn't need her to say that, but she was getting around to it. And I've got this book coming tomorrow and I can't wait to crack it open because I have such a journey to be on right now for myself and for my family that I need to get my head clear and right. And I was curious when you were sitting there listening to her. I hold my tension in my chest and in my throat. Were you feeling any any bit of anxiousness when because

you were thinking of your own traumas. Yeah, I mean I I don't. I don't feel it physically the way that you do. I think I feel things so emotionally. Hence, like why when you're hurting like I cry, or like when like whether we have a fight or whether Kyle or whatever have a fight, like I cry, Like that's my release. But I think that going back to what you're saying, that that's good because I don't, right, that's my release of things or you know, you and I

always talk about it. If we're in a bad mood, go for a run, get on the bike, like we need to release that. I mean, by the way, I've been hitting personal records on this platon this week like nobody's business. I've been fucking crushing the ship silver. That's what we're talking about. Um. But yeah, it's definitely a release, think about it. I Mean, I'm no doctor, but like

serotonin levels and endorphins and all of those things. That's crazy though I had never until you just mentioned it, that correlation between your health and your father's health and all the stress, and then I think to myself like, holy shit, like haven't you been through enough? And it's that that thing of you know, my dad always talks about it's not what happens to you, it's how you react to what happened to you. And when she mentioned that in you know, and even the short amount of

time we got with her, I thought about that. I was like, like, that's it's so mental. How your next steps of what you're gonna do, independent of something you couldn't control, could define what happens after that, or you know,

same thing for me. I mean, I had that weird guy that's stocker guy, and then I had that the hacking of my phone and all of that stuff that came out, and I remember, you know, my dad being like, all right, you get a couple of days to be sad, and now we're next play mentality in this household that guess what, four quarters, there's been a few turnovers, some of them not your fault, but guess what, this game ain't over, and you get a choice on if you want to win or if you want to lose, and

it's all predicated on your actions in response to it. So I I believe in exhausting all options. And it starts with that mental mindset of this thing ain't over, so you know, you we can sit and cry about things, or we can put actions to it. And so I just sort of was raised in that more of that you know mentality of um, okay, well that can sucks,

but let's go. It sounds like a peck talk I got the other morning as I was walking my dog, and you know what's great about that, I was crying so hard with you and I just had all this crap coming down my nose. I had how He's leash in one hand, I had the phone in the other and a poop bag in the other so I couldn't

wipe the ship coming out of my nose. Like I literally walked in the house and like Jarrett was making coffee and getting out and he's like okay, and I was like, I just got and he was like, you need a tissue. I was like, but I got a poop bag. Bull. I love you, and you know what, life is full of a bunch of ship literally. But another thing too that I love about you is there's humor involved in all of this, and we have to laugh because that releases again, not a doctor, some positivity

and not again. This has been a very heavy podcast. But remember when Alyssa got her brain to my niece diagnosed with a brain tumor at six years old, and you were there for me every step of the way. And I was a mess. You know who wasn't a mess? Alyssa? You know what she did. People would bring like, you know, stuffed animals and balloons and flowers into her room. At six years old, she goes, guys, I don't really need any more presents. Can you just make a financial donation

to help the other kids at Children's hospital. She then went on television and donated a check for other children with pediatric cancer. I said, you know, and now listens in college and like all of these things, and I just think about her, you know, and how six years old with a brain tumor and other kids are like outside playing and she's raising money. I'm like, Jesus, I

need to like your gorgeous niece. And then all she wanted to do was go to Dancing with Stars and Aaron took her and like it was like the night of her life. But just anyway, I just love you and you make an impact on people, and we're here for you. And I hope anyone listening that's going through anything that they're going through knows that support your you know, surround yourself with good people and just know that the

game ain't over even if you think it is. And watch the Friends reunion if you feel like crap, make you feel so good. Dr Caroline Leave. Her book is available. I know, Aaron, you just bought it. She also has a podcast, and I'm going to dive more into how I can be a better wife and friends and all the other things. So I love you, love you, love you, love you, Aaron, and love you for everybody listening and watching. Thank you for letting us open up. And Rachel please

date come on. We will not calm down on that now. It's the singer of that. What the I'll be there for you. What's the was it the rem brand boom? Did you pull that? Fuck? Fucking Hey? That was sexy? Calm Down with Aaron and Carissa is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast