Call It what it is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Ludington, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello, we have.
Another short and sweet for you, very exciting. We have voicemails.
Oh I love voicemails. I love hearing.
I love voicemails.
Yeah, I know the call it croup and calling in leaving us messages, and we are dedicating this entire episode to listening to some of those.
So let's just get into it. Let's go.
Hi, Jessica and Camilla. I'm so excited to be talking to you, guys, huge, huge fan. My advice seeking is about being thirty and a woman and struggling kind of for the first time ever with some really severe self questioning and self doubt. I have a successful career as a college professor, I'm educated, I have a ton of friends and a great family, so I've accomplished a lot in my adulthood. And I never worried about being single.
I never worried about checking like societal boxes, about you know, being a homeowner, having kids, stuff like that.
But ever since I.
Turned thirty, I'm experiencing this like crazy level of self doubt for the first time, and it's gotten worse in the past couple of months, because I recently took the leap of starting.
My own wedding planning business, which is something I've always wanted to do professionally, and as exciting as it is, I am just truly terrified and feeling a little bit overwhelmed and paralyzed by self doubt. It's scary to take a risk on yourself, and I feel like a little kid playing dress up. I can't help but wondering, you know, if I had a partner, would I feel better?
Am I the.
Last single thirty year.
Old left stuff like that?
So I guess I'm.
Just panicking about being thirty and being scared to do big things on my own, but also not wanting to feel obligated to find a partner and just struggling a little bit with that.
Okay, first of all, don't panic. Don't panic.
Everything you just said sounds so incredible. I was gonna say, awesome and exciting. I think you're exactly where you should be.
It sounds like you are.
I mean, I don't know what your own personal box is. Where my guest is with all of you've accomplished that, you've done some thinking about it because you sure have achieved a lot, So I would say, you know, to really look at all that you've accomplished and feel that, feel the power. I mean, again, we get into the gratitude piece, right when we're looking at what we do have and we express our gratitude for it, it just grows.
And maybe you just need that to grow and edge out the self doubt because self doubt is inevitable, right, You're always going to think of it on some level. But if it's not serving you, which doesn't sound like it is, I think that you can let all that you've accomplished sort of again edge out the self doubt and focus on that and not on what you don't have.
I also think there's something weird when you turn thirty because when we grew when we were growing up, what we were seeing is our parents sort of have it being home owners earlier than you in their twenties and having the kids and having the husband, and generationally there has been and is there is a shift that's happening. And so I think that two things are sort of butting up against themselves. And that's what we grew up thinking we would be doing at thirty, because that's what
we saw parents do. And now this shift that's happening where people are like, hey, I don't need to get married in my twenties, I don't need to have kids in my twenties.
Maybe I'll do that in my forties. And that's what happens.
I feel like on thirtieth birthdays, it's like the generational like bumping up against each other. And it sounds to me like this should be an amazing birthday. You have this incredible career, and you have this new thing that you're exploring, and you have the fear with it which
is going to drive you even more. I think it all sounds exciting, and I think that, yeah, let go of that self doubt and by the way, to think that you're the last single thirty year old left, not even close, not even close.
Not even close.
And I think that sometimes what I've heard people talk about that I was friends with or even in my own life, you know it really look at the company that you're keeping, like are it can seem like you're the only thirty year old single lady out there if in your friend group you are, and which case, don't
get get rid of those friends. Love those friends. Those friends are amazing, But you might want to reach out to some you know, other ladies who are also single, because that's fun and that's going to get you out, and that's going to get you thinking about that you're not alone A and that B you have you know, a wang person to go with you to, you know, wherever you want to go to meet people. You know, I famously said earlier to the gym or to the movie theaters.
Yeah, the movie there where you love a movie theater friend. I also turned thirty, not married.
Without any children.
I thought you were gonna say I just turned thirty a little bit ago, and I was like, come on, well it was.
A little bit ago.
It was a little bit ago, but I was not married, I did not have kids, and I felt just fine about that.
Yeah, yeah, I think you're I think you're good.
Good.
Focus on what you do have and then make sure that you've got some friends that are also single so that you can experience not feeling alone and going out and get into it.
Yeah. Absolutely, all right.
Next, hello, ladies, my name is Christopher from Ireland and forty five years old, a single gay man, and can I just say firstly that I absolutely addore the two of you, and I love this podcast. I let all the episodes build up for a while and then I have a marton.
My question is.
I'm, like I said, I'm forty five years old and at this stage I'm still lost in life in terms of let you know what direction, what my purpose is. I'm working in a job that's not my passion, but it's paying the way. I'm just wondering, and you give me some advice, I would really appreciate it, and keep up the good work.
Love you, Ah, I love you. I love her too. I love hearing from you Ireland. My grandma's Irish.
She's from County Mayo, So a little shout out to the Irish peeps listening.
Do you ever sometimes people, when you hear voices, it's just like there's a complete energy and understanding of who the person is. Yeah, because I heard like the kindest I know, the gentlest soul and curious, and I loved the how open the words that he was using and how specific he was about something that was obviously very non specific. And I just have to say that sometimes it's just the energy that your that your voice carries with you that actually says so so, so so much.
So that's a big question. And I guess my first response would be, I think you're on your way a little bit more than you think you are. I think you might have more than you think you do.
Because he's asking the question in the first place, because he's itchy toike. I think because.
There was something in his voice that was just so open and available, and so often that's the toughest part. Like sometimes the toughest part is being open to your life and sort of that surrender where it's like, I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm gonna show up and be the best person that I can, and i'm gonna I'm gonna do all the things, and then i'm gonna let like I'm gonna I'm gonna let I'm obviously being a little bit non specific here. I don't know.
I just felt like, it's such a big question when you were in the in this part of your life, because this is what I did.
Did you ever make one of those dream boards? Yes, vision boards? The vision boards.
The vision board really helped me because I was forced to put to paper dreamy things that I wanted and just really making that decision of what that looked like for me, even though I was just sticking a picture on a board, help me kind of focus on what was going to bring me that joy. And so I think it's a little because when you ask a big question like that, it encompasses so much.
And I feel like it might be a good task. What's a word for it.
A good exercise, A good exercise. I think it might be a good exercise to literally make your own vision board so that you can ask yourself, Okay, I'm in this job that I don't like, what do I think will bring What do I think I will enjoy doing? Where do I want to live? What do I see for my future?
That is such good advice. I mean, that is such good advice. And I was struggling with how big the question was, but that was such great advice because it's asking someone to really think about it and focus and put energy into it. Because we all know that when you start to put energy into things, there there's a return of the energy. And for anyone who's not familiar with the vision board, although I think it can mean a bunch of different things to different people, it is
an actual physical board. It can be a whiteboard, it can be a corkboard, it can be a big piece of paper. I used to do them for my kids at the beginning of every school year. Yeah, and we would just you you get images of things that you like. And it can be anything as like silly as a thing you want, you know, like that you really hope that you can save enough money to buy a purse. Or it can be you know, a picture of a
beautiful place that you want to go. It can also be inspiring phrases or words, things that you need to use as a personal monitra. Like if you're really looking for purpose, then it can be just that, like purpose, like what is my what is my call? What calls to me? In terms of like when I wake up in the morning, what do I want to do?
What?
It's specific as like do I want to wake up at eight am? Or do I want to wake up at eleven am for my job? You know, like just getting specific, specific about what it is that you want to attract. Because that's what the vision board is meant to do, is that once you start thinking about things and naming them and looking at pictures of representations of them, that you are then attracting them. So I think that's awesome, Christopher. Yes,
what Camilla said, do that. I want a vision board and I please, please please send us a.
Picture of it. Yeah, I love that too.
That was good.
Thanks you pulled nowhere. I know it was a big question though.
Yeah, and I was floundering at sea and you were like.
I got this.
I know.
It's the first time I ever felt like I got it. Jess always has.
It and I'm like, yeah, but this time I.
Was like, yes, it's my turn, shine, hold my cup, Hold my cup, I've got a vision board. Everyone shut up. I read the book The Secret. I know what I'm talking about. That was the one time in fifty episodes I'm gonna have that? Was it?
No?
No, I just amazing, it's over. The moment's gone for me. I just blew my load on that.
No, my eyes started like dwelling. I felt I got goosebu once.
I was that'll be the last time that happened us.
Nope, Okay, Anonymous.
My girls love the show.
I'm so I just love listening to it. It's amazing. I'm calling because I just am in the phase of life. I got married about two years and I'm just in the phase of I know I want babies, but not yet, and everyone around me is has opinions or whatever, and I'm just curious, like, if you have any advice for when you're in that in between phase and not feeling.
Rushed to go to the next phase, but also.
Sitting in the excitement of what is happening now and what's to come, and just some advice for the just got married, not.
Ready to have babies, but no I want babies face. So thanks to have a great day.
I love this question.
First off, I love that she knows she knows what she wants, yes, and that's all that matters.
I think in that post, well, obviously you're talking about before you get married, but I think that after you get married, in the dust settles. I think there is always that moment where couples sort of have to go is a is it a when? Or is it an if? Because sometimes that happens, like like if we have babies or is it when we're gonna have babies? So I feel like, number one, you're halfway there, right, it's a when.
And then I sort of feel a couple different ways about it, which is if you know you're enjoying your life right now, and that you've got some stuff to do, then do it. Oh my gosh, cause there won't be another time like this again. And it's not scarcity. It's not like, oh it's going to go away or some horrible or some horrible things is going to replace it.
But you have a unique opportunity to be with your person without another piece of your heart being given to other little people, and go have some fun and create some adventure. That time of your life is so important and to recognize that. And again I can hear the freedom in your voice. I think that you're not too angsty about it. I think you know, and you've got that intuition that this is the way I think for you.
And then I think that there's also the part that's like, in my opinion, there's really no good time to have a baby, Like it's like it's all gonna it's all gonna upend, you know. Like I really felt like personally, you know, I Christopher was ready before I was, and I was sort of like, oh no, I just have to get that one more job, or I have to have more financial security, or I have to have you know, I don't know. And for me, it was a lot
of work stuff. It was like I needed to get to a place before I had babies, which probably is why Camilla, when you were on the show and you were like, I don't have babies, I was like, have a baby right now?
No you literally it's funny because I'm listening and I remember you saying to me that's actually no technically, no good time. There's no good There's not going to be a perfect moment where the stars align. You're like, wait, it's all here, but there is a moment when you feel more ready.
Yeah, yeah, and you know it. It is apparent. It's not a mystery. You know when you're ready. It's a little switch that gets slipped and you're like, oh right, yeah.
As two people that have kids, please enjoy your marriage. You're newlywed still it's two years, Like, please enjoy that time. And everyone else can just shut up, because you know what, I didn't ever look at anybody and think, wow, they've done it so perfect, like or people that did look like they did it perfect. It wasn't my journey. It wasn't my jam and so just everyone always has opinions.
I love just recently on the recently on the pod, and I literally use this last week with my dad because he's saying, she says, the suggestion box is closed. And I think it's just a nice simple way of being like, hey, love that you want us to have kids soon. We're going to be on our own time, and the suggestion box is closed. We're not taking suggestions of timelines in our marriage.
Why does anybody feel like that's a sandbox that they should come play in, Like, no.
No, you are, no, you do not.
This is not a democracy within our marriage.
We are not taking votes.
And when we should start the family that is a very personal decision with my person and we have got it covered. Please trust that we've got it covered. And if we need help, we will certainly ask or we will open our suggestion box.
I love though, that you just actually use the Our marriage is not a sandbox that you get to plan.
That's so great. Love it love that.
Oh my gosh, well, I just love love love these voicemails. I got to tell you.
Keep them coming, keep going at that well, because hearing people's voices like you can hear their energy, all the things we love hearing from the crew.
Keep them coming.
We will make sure to play them on short and sweet, and to try and figure all this stuff out.
Also, please, you know know that we do plan on expanding and helping everybody as we talk about all these different, very important things. We plan on being able to create an environment in which you can, maybe you all can start to reach out to each other about things that you're going through and if you have topics that are you know that you're calling in and being brave enough to discuss with us, like there are people out there that are going through similar things. And again, the theme
of all this is you're not alone. So you know you've got us for sure on your team, and I'm imagining so so so many others. So thank you, thank you, thank you.
And this is another episode of Short and Sweet. Thank you for listening.