Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello Call It Crew, and welcome to another episode of Call It Short and Sweet.
Hello Jessica Capshaw, Hello Camilla Leddington. I got a little spring in my step right now.
I know why you do.
How do you know?
Well, because I've also got a little spring in my step?
Is it because it's the first week of September and children are going back to school where someone else can take care of them all day long.
They've sprung their step into a classroom.
I've barely slowed my car, opened a door.
Push them out. I'm at the point though, where I feel like I've forgotten, Like I stare at that backpacks and I've forgotten what goes in there? What do I make you for lunch? Like I'm just I'm like, is it a couple of goldfish and a chicken nugget? What was I doing last year?
Well, you sort of you've already admitted that, not even admitted, You've already said that Matt is the lunch guy.
He's the lunch guy. It's like, it's like, you know what we need? Oh my god, I saw this woman on social media, and she had the most genius thing ever. She had set up in her own kitchen, a like what is it called when you like help yourself?
Like a buffet, A buffet, a salad bar.
She has a salad bar that she keeps there all the time. She chops everything up. Twice a week she refills it so the kids is going they literally like fill up their own food.
All you can eat. She has this just in her house.
She has it in her house.
How do you how does one acquire I don't know.
How she does it. She she has some sort of refrigerated thing where she can put the little containers and she keeps it all there. And by the way, I feel like Matt needs this.
Like many things like this, I'm simultaneously jealous and disgusted.
I'm only jealous because I'm a snacker, so I need food to like, yeah, yeah, I'm not a cooker, but Matt also needs that. You know what, I am going to get into my hair nut for Christmas now and.
One of those little in and out cute hats, like a little boat hat.
He loves it. Do you like making the lunches?
I hate making you know what? I actually do if you only had to do it once or twice a week. I don't like doing it every single day. And then my mom used to make fun of me because I would not make them the night before, like I had to make them fresh. She's like, what are you doing? Like why would you not make them the night before? And I was like, because if you make the sandwich then it gets all soggy and the bread, Yeah, it's gross.
So anyways, I actually used to enjoy it. Then a real game changer when I used to make them was those Bento boxes where they actually had a certain allotted space for the food. And then I did find were we've talked about this before, I did find those kind of like aspirational, semi annoying parent Instagram accounts very helpful because they would throw up inspos for like a balanced Bento box, a lunch stitch, and I would I would
do that and it was and it was easier. It was a little bit a little more buffet, like you just fill in the box less.
I mean, I also have a bento. When I look at the inspiration, it's like at a mommy be means and it's like Lucas is gonna just flick those across his brigade like nose or those are going nowhere. They were going everywhere but his mouth. And so I look at those and I'm like, that's so nice that your kids would eat those. Yeah, fussy, I have fussy kids right now. Hayden's way easier than him before.
Tough stuff. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I used to get so much. I don't know.
I didn't.
It wasn't as deep as shame, but I'd feel something negative when I would see, like I really thought for a moment that really my kids only liked they were always organic, but like chicken tenders and pizza like that was that's that's what they liked the most. And then I was like, you know what that if it's healthy and it's not. You know, I'm doing my best. I'm doing my best. It's not all give me all the time.
But yeah, they're not there. My kids definitely aren't, like at the farmer's market, like sucking on like sweet snappeas straight from the farmer well on my on my hip, not seeing that that's a direct image I have from a Oh that's a farmer's market.
Yeah, wow, No, that's that's good.
For that mom. Good for that mom.
Yeah, that's never happened in my life anyway.
Yeah. So anyways, they're they're back to school, and I am very excited for them. I'm very excited for me. I'm excited for the world, I'm excited for the country. I'm just excited for everyone.
So the crew has written us. We have a whole shortened sweet episode just about cru submissions.
So the crew submits and we read and then we bring to you, and they're all so fantastic. It's genuinely hard to figure out which wants to read. So just please keep them coming because we will. I mean, we really were making to get to all of you. Yes, Maddie wrote in and said, I am a thirty six year old woman. I don't have kids, but my friends do. The other day, one of my friends came to visit with her four year old, and I really love the kid. But then she was jumping on my couch and I
asked her to sit down. A few minutes later, she was playing way too quiet, so I went to check on her, and that's when I discovered she was drawing on my wall with the pen she found. I told her that's not what walls are for, but that I was happy to get her a piece of paper if she wanted to draw something. When I got back to my friend, she was upset with me and told me that it was not my place to tell her kid
what she can or cannot do. So my question for you is, as moms, what do you think am I or am I not allowed to speak up?
I can't even believe this is a real situation.
Oh I can't believe a lot of things.
I know. But you're four, listen, therefore years old. Okay, I have this stage. They are rat bags. Lucas was thought it was funny to like draw down the entire hallway like a week ago, and so they do these things. And I think that when it's your house, of course, you're allowed to say like, hey, honey, like we can't really do that, like let's do that over here. Yeah, I And I find it really strange that another mom's reaction to it is you can't tell my kid what they can and can't do?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
I've never been in a situation like that.
I sometimes, yeah, sometimes I can be with other people's kids. Listen, here's a deal. You kind of I've found that people know when they have a kid that pushes boundaries, like you know when you have a kid that yeah, you know, talks back or is rude or loud or or.
It's also just having that day. You also know, like oh my way party and I'm like, ooh, yes, they did not sleep last night. This is going to be rough, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When they were that age, I was a fan. I was actually reminded of this because I was asking someone else because I sometimes you have a little bit of parenting amnesia. You're like, what did I do? Yeah, I remember it. But I was also reminded that I was a big fan of like pulling them. I would just like eject them, like if if they were too tired, or they were having a hard time,
or it was like thing after thing. I just was like, love you all, peace out, piece the peace out this one, and I are out of here. And usually you can figure some version of that out. It's not often, except if you're on a plane, you can figure that out. But but I mean, I don't know. I don't know
that it's a solution for Maddie. I think what I would maybe try first is you know, if this is a really good friend of yours is I think I would say, you know what, okay, great, Like I actually I don't want to tell your kid what to do in these situation. I'm gonna come to you and I'm going to say, like, hey, he or she is upstairs and they're drawing on the wall. What do you what do you want to do about it? Or you want to do you want to go upstairs and take care of it, or or I think I put it on
let you handle it. Yeah, I'm gonna let you and then let them figure out what it was that you know that they should do. So then I think it's about speaking up. I think it's like I mean, well, I mean hopefully we all understand that our children are responsibilities, right, so you know, I mean, I guess it's just I think.
You are looking always for the other parent to handle it.
Yeah.
I don't want to handle it ever, No, I want you to handle it.
Yeah.
No, I'm also I'm also a uh And I call it, we call it, calling it, we.
Call it, yeah, yeah, we call it. You're done.
We're calling it.
We are done.
We pull you out and you're not you know, And I think it's it's it's a good lesson for them too, because yeah, yeah, you know, like that's not okay. It's tough though. Those dynamics can get tough though with because some people parent very differently.
Oh some, I mean I think most Yeah, well we always say or maybe it's just me, I always say, it's none of that really in life, like nothing is ever supposed to be super easy, right, Like it's not supposed to be so so easy, but it's not supposed to be so so hard. So when you find yourself in that, like things are really fucking hard right now, and it's thing after thing with my kid, then I think it's such an admirable thing to call it and be like, listen, this is just too hard. Like yeah,
we can do hard things. I get that for sure, for sure, But then at that age you have to just sort of go, well, this is we're not we're not here yet. We'll be we'll be here so we'll we'll be able to handle this soon, but it's not yet. So yeah, I don't know. I guess I would protect your relationship with your friend, and I would say, you know, in those situations, what would you like me to do what could I do it would be different or that would make you happier? And like, can I come get you?
Or you tell me? Like what do you want me to do? And then see what happens? Okay? I think for good reason. This is from anonymous. I am in a close friend group of four women. One of these women accidentally made out with my fiance while we were all pretty drunk on a couple's get away back in May. The group has been awkward since, and I expected my other two besties to take my side, but they want to remain neutral. I'll be frank. I'm working pissed. What
happened to loyalty? Now? I have no fiance and I'm probably going to be out two more friends. How would you navigate this? I feel like in this type of scenario, people should choose sides. Yeah, I think I shoose sides? Are you kidding me? Anybody? Also? Like what I fell on your face?
Like?
How do you accidentally make out with someone like her lips? Just like tripped?
There's no accidental making out with your best friend's fiance?
Now is it?
Saddle Ranch on Sunset Boulevard on a you know, two am? Sorry night about this no, so your best friends need to otherwise, I feel like all bets are off. What are the rules in this friend group? What are we inviting by here?
Yeah? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no no. You don't actually make out with anyone's person in a tight friend group. That's not well that that brings it the saying with friends like these, who needs enemies? Exactly right?
I think I think it might be okay to lose the other two. The fiance sucks, he's gone.
Blit right, Well again, you're gonna write him a thank you note later.
Totally, he's a thank you note. But happen and the other two friends are not your friends?
Yeah, yeah, because they're either. I mean, you gotta listen. I get it. You want to keep the peace, but sometimes you just gotta you gotta. You gotta grow a spine. You gotta like put your back up and be like nope.
But I think you can keep the piece by saying to your friend this was not okay. You have to make it right because this whole friend group is going to go to crap if you don't. And then if it goes to crap, I'm gonna have to choose my girl because You're just something really messed up, So make it right.
Yeah, a little repair in there, a little repair.
The only thing is is is she is it a situation where she's making them choo sides of whether to lose the other friend or not. That's where I can get tricky if you're like your friends with me or her.
That's how I read it. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, she feels betrayed because someone because her friend tripped and fell.
I know, but I I feel like you can be part of a friend group but still be like you did a terrible thing. You've got to make your right, You've got to make it okay. But I don't know if you can tell someone not to be friends with somebody else.
Well you don't. Yeah, you you what you can? You don't. You can't control what their answer is going to be.
You mean you can put the ultimatum out there. Yeah, yeah, the ultimatum. Well yeah, look, you have to be okay with knowing you have to be okay there if you put the ultimatum out there that you might lose the front.
And by the way, that's right.
You know that really is hard and it sucks.
Yeah, And I'm not a big fan of ultimatums, and I think the most ultimatums are sort of nasty. That being said, I think that sometimes situations call for one. I mean it really is like it's this or that.
I can think of a couple, but they're very dramatic, but like really it's like, yeah, I mean, listen, everything's on a spectrum, and there's all different ways of interpreting things, but there's certain things that are that we can rely on being pretty black and white, and this this might be one of them.
Yeah. Also, it's a fiance.
There was a big commitment.
I mean, boyfriend would have been maybe a little bit less, but a fiance boyfriend's still terrible. It's all terrible.
Yeah. Well, by the way, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Sorry, it's terrible. And you know what I will say, the hope in it is again that you're going to write him a thank you notes, So okay, I mean, I'm just it's a foregone conclusion that he is not your person. And and by the way, that might be the same for these friends that you're super close with, or it'll be an opportunity for you to grow closer together in either your situation, you know, life hurts. I don't know
what to say. It really does sometimes, and getting through it can be painful. I do think that you come out the other side of pain stronger and smarter, and hopefully, I don't know that you learned something from it.
Oh yeah, I think it sounds like she already has.
Yeah, all right, all right, I'm sorry, Anonymous.
I'm sorry too. Again. I know we keep saying this over and over, and I think it will never stop saying this. You guys's honesty and vulnerability is so incredible. Yeah, and it's really surprised me because people have really leaned in with us. Yeah.
Yeah, And I also will yes, And I think that the honesty is so fantastic because it opens The openness is what allows for the conversation and allows for us to get to know all of you more to you know, swing around our unlicensed advice. Just swing around that unlicensed advice.
But it forces us to be open too.
Yeah, it's actually have no choice.
You guys are being so vulnerable, like we got to go all into with you.
Yeah, for sure, for sure. And I also have to say I really really respect it. I respect that openness, I respect that honesty, and I think that there's a lot in it that will help others grow, and or they'll be you know, someone who writes in with something and there's gonna be something that someone else relates to
and is like, oh yeah, that to me. Or by the way, there might be someone listening that that was the friend who made out with a fiance and they might be seeing the situation a little differently because of it. So I think all of these situations really are multifaceted. They present so many different ways to look at things, and for that, I'm really really grateful. Thank you, guys, thank you, thank you, thank you all of you, and thank
You for making this another delicious episode of Short and Sweet