Call It PMS

Call it what it is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Lettington an iHeartRadio podcast.

Hi friend, Hi, how are you?

I was gonna say good, but I know it'd be a lie.

Oh oh no, I'm not.

I not that the world needs well yeah, no, the world does need to know because they're listening. I am about to start my period, and after listen, I didn't. I never really suffered from PMS when I was younger. Did you ever suffer from PMS?

Do you suffer from PMS?

My Well, my particular brand of PMS would be there's an amnesiac quality to it, which is that I I forget every time that right before my period, I have a lot of symptoms that are very consistent, and then every month it's a surprise to me that I have Yes, why would what?

Yeah?

But then it all makes sense to me, Like when I get my period, I go, oh, that makes sense, why that happened this week?

I mean I feel that way too, to be honest. But after I gave birth to my second son, Lucas. So this is about three years ago, your.

Second child, your first son, Lucas details jess I'm in I'm a detail oriented.

I mean, yeah, welcome to my second Yes, my second child. I first, don't want.

People thinking that you have two sons.

It's true. No, this is this is all. This is important information. You're still getting to know.

That's how you know that. By the way, my period's coming up. Because I'm like, I have two sons. It's like, no, you don't. You definitely don't. They're so wonderful, I tell one. Okay, so I'm I'm gonna wrap this story up with this. Okay, Like three years ago, I gave birth Ish. Three and a half years ago, I gave birth in the pandemic

Yes, I can.

Yes, I can feel myself slipping into like a depression and I didn't understand what was happening, and then I would come out of it and I was like, what.

Is going on?

So every single month and it's just happened a couple of days ago, I'll be like, something's really wrong and I can't, like I feel like something's wrong and I'm really sad and I'm just like it sits with me. And then I'll look at my locking phone and I'll be like, oh my god, this is the time when I'm starting to get this again.

So that's where I'm at currently.

Yeah, yeah, that's what your week has been like so far.

Yeah yeah, Yeah.

It's kind of helpful to know that, like I'm going to come out of that, Like now that it's been named for me, I can be like, okay.

So I'm gonna feel better. But it does still it is still hard every.

Month, like feeling like damn it, like here I am again, nothing's wrong, but it feels like I'm just real sad.

Yeah, when you're there, Does it help? Do you feel supported best by people around you trying to make it better or do you prefer when people just sort of let you sit in the.

Sad That's a great question.

I I don't like people trying to make it better. I don't know if that makes sense. It just I almost just need to like get space. I feel really overstimulated, and I I just need to be able.

To vent and not have a response almost back to it.

And do all the people that love you know that, Like, do they know that that is how you like to be handled in that in that in that time.

Yes, my husband Matt has learned that over time. It's hard because people naturally want to help. I understand that. But it's like he does this thing. He'd be fine with me telling you this, but it's not bad. He does this thing that when I get anxiety, he wants to distract me by like telling me things and telling me stories.

And kind of trying to change the subject. And I'm like, no, I'm more overwhelmed.

I just couldn't think about the thing or just like you know, sit with it in silence.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hearing at a wall. Yeah, as as a recovering fixer and as another for where it's mean. It's sort of in my job title right, helping and fixing and supporting, but I in my adult like helping and fixing and sorting out for my kids. You know, obviously that is called parenting to an extent. Because what I've realized recently and why I asked the question, was that some people in my life really want the support to look like that, How can I help?

What can we do?

Distracting, cheerleading, strategizing, whatever, And some people that I love very much really just want to fucking sit in it. And that's what's going to help them is just to be sad and for me to be there with them while they're sad, to know that I love them when they're sad and happy, but that I can just be And that's so hard for me. It's been an active

I won't distruct, you know, because the truth is is that it's like a kid for me. It's a case by case basis. But I feel like I'm good at advocating for myself, so I'll be like, hey, where's your help? I think you're great at that. I need you know, so you'll know when I'm wanting that. And I'm also okay to be like I just I don't like I need it just a second. I want to go come watch Friend of Pump Rules with me on the couch.

Yeah that's what I need.

Yeah, okay, well here you want to know about my week?

Yes, I do.

I hope it was better than mine.

My week? What I barely remember my week? My week? Are you also about to.

Count your period?

Then? I actually think I might be were really a pair.

End of school stuff and starting up this podcast and being so excited and having my mind work at fifty five thousand miles an hour, and and just the expansive quality of learning and learning something new, growing, and just our whole team being so supportive and creating all these different ways of thinking of things and and as we you know, are now starting to embark on on launching it,

You're amazing, Like I'm amazing, I'm confident, I can do this, yes.

Yes, and like you know again, when you're auditioning, I think a lot of the times you could go like, oh, I'm never going to get the job, right, there's twenty actresses going out for this job. I'm never going to get the job. And then I started practicing, like I'm going to get this job. We're going to film, it's going to start in July. I'm going to be in Austin, Texas.

Do we want to be on our own side?

Why would we be on some on the opposite side.

It's so funny you say this because my niece is staying with me right now and I was talking to her about something and I was like, you have to be your number one fan. Yeah, you have to be your own number one fan, and not in like an egotistical, like obnoxious way.

So it's like you have to be.

Team you you do when you are overwhelmed like that, do you want someone to come in and help you or do you want to do it?

All yourself.

I used to be the former, like I used to just do it all myself. Yeah, and I have become and grown into someone who loves delegating. That being said, once you have delegated in human behavior, or when you're the one that's given the like hey, let's okay, so let's do this here, or let's do that, or can I have help with this whatever, my mind then revisits the task or whatever I've asked for help with help, and you know, you don't always know that it gets done.

So it doesn't relax you. You're still wondering about that.

You can are sure that the help is there and it's going to be done like Johnny like done, then great, but then if that, but if but that there's like a backup question or if there's like something you'd like, You're it's still alive. But I'm very grateful for help. I'm very grateful for help. So when people offer, like, it's funny. One of my best friends became one of my best friends because she was so uniquely and we

That's amazing, that's amazing.

So yeah, I love getting help. I think it's just and I don't want to you know, it's not like I'm so bossy. It has to be only a certain kind of out. But I think that, you know, some help is more helpful than others. Yeah, Like, here's a good example I have. I'm not even gonna name names, but I have certain children who if I said, can you do X, Y or Z, that would be a help. I have other children where if I asked them to

My three year old is actually amazing at delegating things doe, he'll put things in the trash.

My seven year old at acts.

Like, are you kidding me?

That?

Three feet away? Like you that's such a hard day. I'm in the first grade.

Well, the overwhelmness had me a little bit stressed this week. Yeah, and I'm a little overwhelmed.

And uh.

One of my ways of dealing with that is also just to keep going. I have a normalized stress, and I just it's a it's a normal thing. The only time that I actually stopped for stress in a real way was when it when I had a physical manifestation, which was an ee twitch.

Oh, I actually started twitch.

Yeah, and I'm I'm uh. I was low key worried because it lasted a year. What I had an eye twitch for a year and it was imperceptible to anyone except for myself, Like I would feel it twitching, but no one else would see it. So it was like living with a ghost.

It's like like an eye twitch.

I could hear it, I could feel it, I go whatever, but no one else knew. So yeah, that was that was a that was a physical way that I actually I could not outrun my stress. I could not normalize it. I could not be like, Oh, it's okay, I'm just feeling a little stressed. My body was saying, you're fucking stressed. Can you break for it and deal? And I got to say, it wasn't until I stopped and and sort of tried to like figure out some coping mechanisms and kind of what was going on so that I could

But I had to deal with it. I mean, it wasn't like it just stopped.

I had to deal with what it was that was sort of, you know, not sort of was really affecting me. And for me, it was completely It's always been and it remains that I'm a talker, like I need to talk it out, and so therapy. For a very long time I stayed away from for the number one reason I think most people stay away from it, which is that you can't find a good therapist. And then I found a great therapist and we were off to the races.

Let's unpack it? Yeah you.

Session?

Yeah?

Are you like it's I need the whole afternoon. I clear the schedule.

Do you have other patients because I I don't think you Yeah, I just don't even look.

It is just going to be me.

I think what's happening is like kind of groundbreaking, and I think that we are the generations.

You're what, Jhen, I don't even know.

F Is this where you're trying to make it so that I'm older than you?

What's the nineteen oh five?

Am I older than you? Come out?

I mean, is this the part I just wanted to make well, I don't know we can I'm.

Part of one generation and you're part of another.

Whatever, whatever the whatever you are.

I'm all Millennia.

I don't have to like I'm very cool and you guys can probably tell just by listening.

Yeah right. I mean I'm like a baby boomer and you're.

You're a boomer and that's fine, Jess, we still love it.

I'm paylessen.

I was just just pointing out, Yeah, our parents did not go to therapy. Did your parents go to therapy? Maybe they did.

My parents divorced when I was really young, so she did My mom went to a lot of therapy.

That's amazing.

I feel like I feel like most people's parents did not go to therapy, and so we're the first. We're all this the first few generations that are really seeking that mental health and being able to show, you know, seeking help for it, and being able to show our kids that, which I think is going to, hopefully because they're dealing with social media and so many more things that when we were dealing with hopefully be really influential and make it so taboo. Because I look at my

It's tough.

Yeah, the talking it out, and again, the talking it out allows you to connect to the dots because I think that when you're struggling or when you need help, it's just so your natural instinct to think that you're the only one that it's happening to, that it's only you, that no one has ever felt this. Your pain is

I felt that way when I finally and I'll get into this more.

I'm sure.

At some point bit the bullet and started zoloft. I was like, who is? I wanted to know who was taking it because I had this feeling like I.

Really did not want to get on antidepressants.

I was not.

I was like, I'm not there until I really was like, okay, the heart palpitations I'm feeling one hundred times a day like are not fun, Like it's again my body's being like you're done, Like you gotta there's something.

You got to figure this out.

And I remember googling, like in my phone and googling like who who has come out to say that they're on some on some sort of help like this, And it gave me comfort to read names of people that had come out. That's why I want to talk about it too myself and say it so publicly, because it is so helpful.

To see other people talk about it.

And it's still it's funny even when you google people like that have come out to talk about antidepressants. It's still not a huge long list, right, Like, it's still sort of like something people don't necessarily want to share it.

And I understand that, but it's.

So I think it's it's an it's an old belief that dealing with anything like that makes you less.

Then and it's really super.

Stale thought and thought process and way of thinking. It's like, oh my goodness, I listen. I mean, I'm I think that people who are dealing with things, or like my heroes, I find someone so much more complex and so much more interesting when they are dealing with adversity or when they you know, when they when they reckon with and and speak about like life isn't so easy all the time.

It's just not. I think that we're slowly getting rid of that shame. I remember it. By the way, this is.

This is a really ridiculous story, but the first this is how this is how far I've come with my own journey on this.

I went to pick up.

Zolof for the first time at CVS, right and I was like, this is so like I've like I felt like when I go went up to the counter, I should just say I've hit rock bottom. Just give me the fucking zoloft, like like I needed it, Like written on my forehead it's this is where I'm at.

Right, and like, don't don't even bother showering, right, just go looking Discott because that's where I'm at, you know.

And I went in and I wore a ball cap and I wore sunglasses because I was like, the last thing I need, the last thing I need is for like anybody to see me walking out with bag of zoloft, right. And I went to the counter and I was like udding, you know, like giving them my information. They're like what and I'm like, god, right and birthdate. I'm a millennial and the chick this is not a joke, Okay. She hands me my zoloft and then she goes.

By the way, I'm a huge Grace Fantomy fan.

And I was like, yeah, mother, God not obviously today. But I was like thanks so much, and I'm holding my you know, giant pill of like I felt read I have the anxiety and the ration, you know, And I was like thanks so much. And I walked out and I tell you what now everyone listening. I skip in there to get my Zoloft. I'm so excited to get that pill. I don't care who knows.

Yeah, I'm like.

Camella Luddington and I'm here for my Zoloft, thank you very much.

And it works real well. So I feel get rid of that shame. I don't want to. I can't even believe. It's crazy.

I mean I felt like I had to, like, you know, incognito myself to get it the first time.

No, screw that.

I think that's real. I've felt that at CVS. Why does CVS bring that out on us.

I don't know.

I don't even remember what my RX was, but I remember it was not something that I was like psyched about. I'm really I'm gonna have to think about this later because I do want to speak the truth and call it what it is. So I'm gonna think about what it was. But i'd say this sort of thing happened where I was like, oh, for sure, I'm not going to go in and they're like, yeah, yeah, it was a passing it over the counter, and then like I love your work, yeah yeah, and then a little bit

In the back of some poor women that was there for them and I was.

Like, yeah, oh gosh, okay sucks.

And she was so like, yeah, by the way, I'm really I think she wanted to write it down on a piece of paper and to slide it to the pharmacy.

Yeah, there does need to be a option badge of them. Did you need badge em?

Yeah, they're on the loudspeaker. Can we get extra badge of them for a counter five please? You're like, I'm just this is over, and you're like, can you make some zole off with that? Because now I need it. This whole experience has been so depressing.

Yeah, we're all out. We're gonna have to order that.

Can you come back from them so loft bundle.

Yes, we need a leader of badge of them Aisle five.

It's just it's like just just leave.

At that point, you're like, actually, my vagina is fine. I don't even at this point it's being left.

This reminds me of when I was living in New York and I was in my twenties and I was so self conscious. I certainly hadn't been on grazed now. I mean, I certainly had zero fame. Nobody knew who I was, nor did they care. And I was so just I don't know, I was very wound up about I don't know, self conscious something like that. And I went to go get a vibrator at the pleasure Chest in New York City here on sixth Avenue seventh.

Yeah, and I.

Bought it and when I when I.

Took it to the front counter, I asked them to gift wrap it for me because it wasn't for me.

Oh, I was clearly getting it out of the gift you know what. That's genius.

It's not my vibrator. You know what.

There should be a gift wrap option for your mess if you don't want to talk to you like I vadgim is a birthday gift for somebody and I need you to wrap it up with a nice little bow. There should be the option so that you don't have you don't you don't have to admit it.

Yes, it's like a yes. So there should be a gift wrap option.

And it should be a little note on it for the CVS person to just or should just be like, don't talk about it, don't say it out loud, gift wraps and shut up.

I can't carry on. I love it so much.

You need to think of some more r exes that would be embarrassing like that.

Oh god, I'm sure. I'm sure there's many in my future. But you know what, but this is what gift wrap a CVS give wrapped your Do you know why? I'm super excited to be here, though, tell me, I'm very excited because we said we would do this and we're

Get to do that today.

I can't wait.

I'm also a little nervous. You're a little nervous.

No, I'm not nervous. Actually, I'm just depressed.

But I always say my kids, nervous and excited sit side by side. So that's the mindset. Thing too, like do you want to do? Are you thinking of it like I'm nervous or you think of it?

I'm excited.

So I'm gonna change my nervousness. I'm gonna I'm gonna take my nervous and I'm gonna turn it into excitement.

Because I know it's gonna be great. I know that, like we're going to figure it out with them, or at least like we know, like we're going to take a couple of steps.

Forward and then we can go back and talk about this again with them.

Okay.

So segueing from our gift wrapping and into our call it what it is questions.

Jessica, I don't know if you can see this, but I see a little I see a little thing on our screen that says Molly has entered the waiting room.

I don't see that, well I do? Is that true?

Okay?

So this is what's so exciting about today's episode two, you guys. The reason it says that is because we have not just someone who's emailed or DM. We have someone who has agreed to come and zoom with us, so excited and talk to us about their problems, so we can talk with them live on a zoom. Okay, so you guys, we have a very special guest today. It's one of you, and it's one of our new friends in our friendship circle. And she has been super

Really.

Yeah, I'm putting it on my cebe yes, yes at it.

Are you from England? I am where.

Southwest? I think?

Okay, near Bristol. Oh yeah, I know Bristol.

Yeah, why my half Irish as well, So my accents off, It's all good.

I love accents. Accents are great. I have none.

An American accent.

It's true, that's true.

That's true. I have an American accent.

So, Mollie, we just read the message that you sent us, and it and and it ended with I that you're low key full of rage. And I said, reading this, I'm high key full of rage for you. Do you want to add any more details in? So you were with each other for over a year?

Yeah, and it was kind of on off, Okay, I'll add but yeah.

And where are you now? Did you just write this? Where are you in.

Your in your feeling like months ago?

Okay, round about so I'm still pissed.

Off, you're still in it?

Yes?

Why did she Why do you think she blocked you?

I don't know. It was just I'm like annoyed because it seemed like really cowardly thing to do, just like break up me over tech and then block me so I couldn't even have an adult conversation with her.

It's just like, which says more about her than you? Right, that's super avoidant behavior. So she's just going to sort of excize you and and not just like you said, she it sort of takes a lot of bravery to deal with something, and endings especially are very challenging. I have a question, if you could waive a magic wand with regards to this relationship, what would you What would the wand do?

Maybe you'd make us both mentally stable, because that was that was part of the issue, but it wasn't something that we hadn't discussed before entering your relationship.

I guess so.

I guess my thing is because Jessica and I have been talking this whole podcast about like, you know, I don't even know about mental health. It's not And I've had to learn this. As much as I yes, I would wave the wand and like make myself have not no anxiety, that would be nice, I have learned to not see it as a negative at all about me.

It's just another piece of me.

And so if somebody is breaking up with you because of something that you have that you have mental health wise, I think it's not okay.

But also that's not your person.

I mean, because that was like part of our reasoning. Otherwise. She was just like, I don't think it's working, and I'm like, okay, Well, if my mental health is something that came up later in the relationship that she didn't know about and was like, okay, I can't deal with this fair enough. But she knew about it before getting into the relationships, so.

I don't know.

I'm just really confused. I'm like, I never got any closure because she's blocked me.

So I'm like, right, well, in a way though, that kind of that is the closure.

Right.

It's not it's not ideal, and it's not what you would want, but it is. It is on some level, you know. I mean, it's the most powerful thing someone can do, right, is they just stop the communication. It's just an immediate no, and then you're sort of left to what's what happens now?

If I could, like, if I was in a situation, I could wave the magic wand it would have nothing to do with her. It would have everything to do with me understanding that this person does not deserve me at all, and feeling okay with that, and knowing that there's someone out there that, of course is going to accept every part of you, because your mental health is not a check in the negative column about who you are.

It's just one part of you.

And so that's if I could wave a magic wand that's what I would want for you. I would love to hear you say, and it's gonna take time.

But like, I don't need her.

That's not the person that I need in my life, because mental health is a long it's a it's a it's an up.

And down journey.

It's a long journey, and sometimes it's something that you're gonna live with forever and you need that partner to be there with you in the highs and lows of that journey. If my husband was like, m your mental health is like really annoying, I'm gonna.

Break with you.

I don't think like you like, go leave because I'll find someone that like embraces every part of me, including that.

Yeah, even if that, like with that case, I would have just I would have at least appreciated a conversation about it. I think that's why I'm so annoyed instead of just a text and then blocking me. I'm like, well, could we not have discussed this a little?

Like I don't know, right, And but that's also that's sort of like that's the work that you're left with right now, right because you can't. You're only in charge of you, You're not in charge of her, And you can't have her do anything differently than she's done. She's that's that's what she's shown you. That's who she is, and that's the choice that she's made. And now it's really only about you and and who and how do you? Who do you want to be in this moment? And

Who's grateful for you and who sees you for who you are again the ups and downs and all arounds, because there's actually literally not a person in the world that doesn't have ups and downs.

I'm going to get back out there with self confidence?

Yeah? Why not? Why not? Exactly?

And I also think by the way that somebody does something like that, because we've all been in a relationships where we've come out of it and you're.

Like, I hate like, why did they? That was so awful?

But what it did for me is it gave me more perspective into what I definitely wanted a partner. You definitely don't want a long term relationship with someone that cannot communicate with you or ghosts you right, Like, even if you guys got back together, if that's their sort of personality and how they navigate relationships, it's never gonna feel good. You want someone that makes you feel really yummy.

That's awesome.

And then you write the other list of like this, this is what I deserve, and I've just been shown what it looks like when that person doesn't do those things and how it makes me feel.

And I will say one last thing and it's not just because I am a Taylor Swift fan, but there's a little thing called karma, and so not to be a nerd or I could do good or whatever, but I actually I personally feel like it's gonna sound crazy.

Poor her, throw some love at her.

She had to cut you off and walk away, and she doesn't have the skills that you need to be in a relationship.

I feel sorry for her, I really do. I'm a cat.

You are, you know what? I hope she grows. I hope she grows, and look at you. I'm so happy we got to talk to you.

Thank you, thank you so much, and okay.

Good and I'm good. Thank you. It's been such a pleasure having you.

And listen if you wanna, if you ever want to come back in on on, call it what it is and give us a little.

Thank you so thank you so much, Mellielly, thank you.

Okay, Wow, this has been a lot of good I've been. I'm into this. I'm really into this. But I think it's time now. So let's call it, shall we Yes, let's call it the end of this episode.

Bye friends, Bye friends.