Call It what it Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello, Hello, Hi, call it Crew.
I'm laughing because Jessica, do you know that you have a signature? Jessica, do you know that you have a signature? Hello? To our listeners, it's always Hello, Hello, Hello, call it crew. And now I feel like I can't ever start the pop because I'm like, that's that's the good vibe to start.
Our hot allways.
I actually did notice that I just recently noticed that that's how I started, and I'm hoping that's a good thing. That's the way the spirit meet me when we start these off. And I also always get to look at your face, so I get all excited. That's my when I see your face. Now just say.
Hello, Hello, Hello. Yeah, I'm gonna add this move in.
Now we need to shoulder shim. It's a little ship. Yeah, it's little Hello.
Hello, Hello, Camilla Ludington.
Hello, Jessica Capshaw. I'm so excited to be here with you today.
I'm very excited to be here with you today. My morning start off a little rougher around the edges than I really wanted it to. Nothing tragic, nothing, nothing of great import, just more a rainy day, a rainy day on the East Coast during a week that the kids are in tennis camp and tennis has played outside, and when it rains, tennis would probably be less enjoyable, and orch is not possible, right because the courts just.
You can't play on it.
None of this is really was stopping me from sending them no no. I was like, they're gonna they're gonna go, and they kind of they all looked at me. Normally, they don't even think it's the possibility to say, like, let's not go. They wouldn't even ask. But for some reason they paused. And the pause normally doesn't make me pause, Like normally it's just yeah, keep going, keep walking. But I paused, and the double pause gave way. Yeah, they
paused and I pause. They saw a window, they saw the wind, they saw the window, they saw the crack.
Yeah, and they went for it.
They were like, but it's raining. And then they all started talking really really fast and explaining how when it rains that the campers go to the arena.
Where they get killed. What's the arena where the Hunger Games happen.
Yeah, Yeah, that's what I saw it. That's what I saw in my head. And then they said it smells like feet. The arena smells like feet.
That sounds a little District twelve to me.
Because now I'm an East Coaster. I thought, well, it must be a hockey rink. It must be it like in the winter at the hockey rink, right, and then the summer it's where you go when it rains or you've feel very bad.
What is now? We need to know what.
The arena is because do we need to call the cops? I don't.
I don't know. We're gonna maybe you just let's well, I'm gonna explain more, and you're gonna tell me what my next best step is. So they said, we go to the arena. They said it smells like feet. And then they said, and we have to do fitness in the arena. Also, I haven't heard the word fitness in a while.
I know that just bought I just did a little WinCE because it bought back some memories.
Yeah you bumped on it.
I did because it was like, you know, it bought out like school school fitness. Yeah, not my favorite.
Oh, oh my gosh.
That no Monday when we had to run the mile. I mean I would have done, truly. I think I did hide in the gym locker room a couple of times.
Yeah, negative twelve degrees out and you're in a hockey skirt.
No thanks, just running by the way, which, of course I've said it before, and I'll say again, I don't do and less chaste. So arena smells like feet, yeah, fitness, fitness, And the crack widened, and I said, you're not doing that, not on.
My watch, on my watch, Oh you did. Oh so they're not at their arena.
No, that's why the morning took some detours for me.
Oh, because I thought they were there.
I thought you were like, just you're gonna go and we're gonna find out if you survive.
No, I I let them not go.
And it started pouring, so I thought, well, that's a solid choice. And then an hour later when it was just drizzling, and they were like mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom mom, And I was like, well, and then Poppy looked at me with these sad, sad eyes and she was like, I just I wanted to ask you a question and I Nope, that didn't that didn't soften me. You would have thought it would the big blue eyes,
and you know it didn't soften. No, no, no, no, no, no no no. I was just way too stuck in my my Yeah. Yes, so I was like, I'm drying to work with a glowing eyes, fire coming out of my mouth.
Yeah, fire. We've all been there. Lucas isn't too. He's like, well, I just what it's this a little husky, little like cute voice. I just want to ask a question. I'm like, okay, okay, what's the question he was like in toy Story does bus? I'm like, that's not a question. That's not a question. We don't need to talk about. Buzz like your right now, not an emergency. Well, I'm glad they didn't have to, like,
you know, battle it out at the arena today. No, are you kind of like once it gets to a drizzle, maybe the arena's starting.
To look a little good.
Oh no, the arena started looking good. Not there wasn't didn't even have to get to drizzle. It was like four minutes after I made the decision that they were staying home. The arena sounded fine.
Yeah, fine, and it's fine.
Send them with a bow and arrow and they're on their way and it's gonna be fair.
Yeah, these kids have a nice life, you know, little adversity, little little little friction, a little something or bump up against.
We want to hear about my Yeah, well yes, please, Okay, Well, I uh forgot I had booked my dad to come into town and stay with me. I literally had forgotten. I had booked his tickets so far out that I literally forgot who was coming to visit until like a few days before. And I was like, crap, because it's so busy, and I definitely feel the pressure people staying. But I also forget always and I know that they
can't listen parents. I wish it was an age that you got to where parents were like, you know what, they've got it. Like it's like they've got it, they're on their way, they've flown the nest. It's we don't need to give any more unsolicited advice. I'm gonna throw out an example of just one of the things my dad said to me this week that made me want to take to Tela shots. He was like, darling, he
wanted to. He wanted to know about, you know, investments, right, because it's always like, you know, it's always the subjects that are like what are you doing with your life?
Where is your you know, like it's always like the big things, right, So he was like, you know, you want to talk about investments, and then he goes Camilla etn musk Okay, because he will never get a name, right, he goes Eton musk Milla has come out with this sort of app ai that predicts the best like stocks and everything to invent, so you should really look into that. And I was like, great, these are the kind of gems I've been dealing with all week. Just send me that,
just seriously. Or he'll say things like he doesn't know how the film industry works at all. He's like, should you.
Tell Grey's Anatomy that Joe is ready to be cheap?
And I'm like, yeah, should you know what I should tell them? And that's probably gonna happen. I'm gonna go up to our show runner Meg, who I love, and go, hey, my dad thinks that Joe Wilson's ready to be chief on the show.
Uh huh, what are you?
How are you feeling about that? Yeah? Thoughts and feelings, thoughts and feelings. And then of course he is Oh, here's the other thing he does. It's been driving me crazy all week. He loves our dogs. We have three rescue dogs. He loves our dogs. And he came in and he was like, Darling, the dogs are so thirsty. And I was like, Dad, their dog bowl is like right over with that. He goes, do they know where
their bowl is? And I was like, no, Dad, For two years since we've lived here, they've actually just been wondering around the house dying of thirst, trying to figure it out.
I was like, yes, they know where their bull is.
Yes, And so honestly, I don't know if anyone's seen the movie signs and the movie signs Okay, the Alien movie with Mel Gibson. There's bowls of water fucking everywhere. Our house has about one hundred bowls of water out right now for our dogs. There's a bowl in every corner in case our dogs round that corner and decide they're thirsty forget where their og bowl is and need a drink. I'm not kidding.
I took a video yesterday.
I took a video yesterday and sent it to my siblings because I was like, it's sending me of my dog of my dad filling up the twentieth bowl of water outside because there was a corner of the yard that didn't have a bowl. So that that's been my week, szaper Shell, I can't.
I think he was looking for some purpose and he was wrapping it up in his ability to give your water, your dog some water.
It's so annoying. I'm gonna take actually, you know what, I'm gonna make a collage of all the water bowls are out right now and just for this, just for this episode.
But yeah, why do they come with so much advice?
Okay?
Well, so I said, so, I see you so deeply on that because for whatever, maybe it's in maybe there's something in the water right now, maybe there's something in the star in the water world. Because I had a recent recently, I had a similar experience where I told you, in the summers, we spend a lot of time together, like the whole family, like the bigger family, like not just pot family, but like the bigger my family of origin, and so lots of time and it's so much fun.
And isn't the whole gang go for the summer and stay together? Is that what?
Yeah? But I'm kind of like a couple. Yeah, but like some in and out and all that. But you know, my mom and I are very closed and it's a great time to have lots of family togetherness and everything else. And I love spending time with her. She's one of my favorite people, so much fun. And this week she just every once in a while would like sort of have like just a note for the suggestion Box, oh, like just you know, some helpful little tidbit.
And she's so sweet.
She's been listening to the pods, which is so fantastic, and I feel so loved and super just happy and supported. And she's also just sort of had a couple notes for how I've been talking.
No, no, oh my god, I don't even want to know what Mama Capshaw would say about what I say, because I think you're perfect on the pod And when I when I listen to the edit back, I'm like, oh god, let's just skip to Jess.
No. No, I think you're perfect. I think you're perfect. But there's just been like a couple of things.
Where do what are we allowed to know? One of the suggestion box suggestions.
Okay, so this particular instance was and I was so I was talking, I was saying something, and I said the word she, like she did something or she went somewhere. And my mother said, oh, do you notice that when you say she, you really put a strong emphasis on the sh, like you really say she.
Oh huh.
She said, yeah, you just it's not just she, it's she.
Oh okay, what do you do with that?
Ill? And also just want to put this in there. She's not wrong, She's not wrong. I do all of a sudden, I'm now aware of the fact that I don't say she, I say she she.
You know what I think you Here's a funny thing. When I listen to the pod. I think that you sound so like like Regal almost with your American accent. Okay, And I think I've adopted I think that when I came here, it's not my natural accent. I think I've adopted some sort of like Laguna Beach slur. I think it sounds like I'm like twenty martinis and sometimes and I'm also you know, I just I can't like the comparison it. Honestly, I sound drunk.
No, you don't like it.
I just sound sloppy, is what I'm trying to say. I sound I Sometimes I think I might sound very sloppy and like, why it why is that what I adopted?
You don't like all that reality TV? I got problem because you were.
My God, You're right, I need I need to start watching I don't know something more succession.
Yeah, yeah, there you go. Well I would. I don't I think American accents or anything but regal, but I will. I will take that compliment. I would compared to me my mother did. We really had some notes for the she and so I was like, okay, great, so it was, and I just sort of went okay because again like she's correct. So then I don't even know what it was. But I was saying something else and she said something
about that I don't remember it was. And I was trying to think back on my own advice, which of course we keep saying, like give like be your best advocate, be your number one band, so like, listen to your own advice. And I said something along the lines of love you so much, thanks for them, feedback. My suggestion box is not open right now.
Yeah, not taking.
Suggestions, but I appreciate it, and I think we're good. And she and we speak in humor, so she completely got that. That was my nip it please, lady, hey, lady, zip it. Yeah, but you know you can't unring a bell. And now she's in my head and yeah, you're gonna say she might never be the same. I'm not sure.
And then actually, funnily enough again going back to the and with a lot of family these days, maybe like the next day, I'm talking to my sister and I said, and she looked at me, and she said, you know, you do the Kardashian R.
God, wait, what is that?
What's the Kardashian R.
Well, I actually weirdly knew exactly what she was referring to. It's the crispy R. It's the it's when I say great, great, or I say it's it's it's really getting a crispy. It's an R. It's a it's I don't know, it's not like a pirate urg, but it's like a there's a there's a real we'll say a word with an R in it.
There's some heat on the R.
Yeah, Like if I think great, that's so great. Great normal people were you wouldn't you would just say great. But I guess this one, the crispy R is great? Right, So she says this to me, and normally I would think nothing of it and just continue, yeah, make it my breakfast. And I think because I had this the heat of the she moment earlier and again, you sort of will give your sibling stuff that you probably don't give your parents.
I looked at her like, I don't know if this is because.
We're going on week five of all being together and everything else. But let me ask you a question. Who cares?
Who cares?
How I say it, who cares?
Why do you feel like you need to tell me? I don't?
What do you what do you care? What do you want?
What do you care?
What do you want?
And she kind of looked at me, and she's just sweet. She's just sitting there. She's like, well, it's just that you didn't always do it.
Oh god, it's really funny. I was like, well I do.
Now You're like, this is what I've adopted. I like the idea of the suggestion box. I think I'm gonna go home and be like, hey, dad, it's closed. Yeah, the thing is, but the problem is that somebody has to respect that it's closed. My dad will go okay, oh god, okay, Like I'm being like a little bit dronk. When I was younger, he used to go save it for the screen, Camilla, save it for the screen, Like I was like being such a demon, so annoying.
Parents are so annoying all the time.
It never runs, it never ends, especially now that I'm a parent, And I wonder, I think think you're right. I think that they never think their job is done, and I think that we won't either, which I think is something to consider. I think you gotta, we gotta. I'm gonna have to try, and I'm gonna write a note to myself in twenty years, yeah, you know, a
little reminder note. But yeah, yeah. And I think that they care so much, and so they just they think that they're the unsolicited advice thing they just think is warranted.
Yeah. But I also feel like there's that great thing of like parents being like super hypocritical. It's like my dad, I'm like, Kimala, have you drunk enough water today? And He'll be saying it like smoking the end of his pack of cigarettes, and I'm like, no, no, but I'm glad you're on cigarette number twenty. Asking me.
Any who to do as I say, not as I do.
Make sure you wear some sunscreen, and he has a sunscreen with a factor of four. Right now, I've never seen someone buy oil. I haven't seen them by tanning oil since I lived in Texas in ninety eight. My dad's the only one that picked it up from CBS. The reason why there's one off the shelf in CVS is because you're in last Night. Notice my dad got that.
Is it like the Banda solet orange jealet?
No, it's like the old Is it Santra like the the one that from the Canas. Yes, it smells like a coconut hit you in the face.
Yeah yeah, No, like a pina colada.
Oh yeah, yeah, all kind of yeah.
So the other thing that happened on the really really positive end of things is I got my hair done. I went to the salon and I got my hair colored and cut. And I gotta tell you, not for nothing. I don't know if it's the ceremony of it. I don't know if it's the aftermath the hair and the bowl. Like my kids always say that too, like no, no, like they'll take a dat home haircut, but they really
want that that shampoo in the bowl at the salon. Really, But I got out of there, and I was like, I felt like I was walking in the slow motion with a wind machine in front of me. Like it was just everything changed. My whole perspective on life change. Like if I went in and there was storm clouds before I went in there, there was just bright sunny sunshine.
The horse trying. That's how I'm speaking, That's how I speak on this.
Yeah, and I am. I was really really psyched about that. I was very very happy to get my hair done. Okay, so here's a funny little tidbit that goes back to what we were talking about before. While they can just assault us with all the unsolicited advice, they do redeem themselves. When I went to check out, I found out that my mother had treated me to my little salon experience.
I guess it's self care, right, but it's also just there's something that fits a little extra spring in your step when you're when you're feeling all tidied up.
It's funny because we did start shooting rais anutom me this week, no beauty for you and no well here, well, yes, no beauty for me because yeah, you're a doctor. Well, yes, I'm a doctor, but I can't spoil but Joe Wilson's you know, in the first episode's she's a little less makeup than we even usually wear. But it was the first time where I feel like this summer I've like,
you know, I wake up. I woke up in the morning really early to go to work first filming day, and I looked in the mirror and it was like I could tell on my face how the summer had gone.
Do you know what I mean?
Like like it was like a map of like where everything had strutt And I was like, Jess, like, this is a situation. And then I got shown this, tweeted this picture of me which I'll put out on the pod of me when I was little starting the show, and I was like, damn, it's really hard. I've got to tell you aging. Look at this. I'll tweet this out too. Oh gosh, wow, yeah, tiny babe.
I know, but it's hard.
It's it's hard as an actress going into your next season and knowing that you've been this character for a while and you have really aged, You've aged, and every single mature age is sure matures you a little bit more. Every summer matures you a little bit more. And it was the first time this summer. I was like, damn, I gotta like get it together somehow.
You're insane. If people could see what I'm looking at, You're like the most beautiful thing in the world, and you have the most beautiful face and it's just full of life and youth, and I just I see, I understand that you feel that way, and I disagree.
Well, let's be real, Okay.
I sat down on the pod before we started filming, and we're gonna talk about you today, So I'm gonna talk about this right now. I told Jessica. I was so excited because I found the touch up my Appearents button on the zoom and I did a little I did a little skism.
I clicked it. I couldn't click it all the way because I.
Just ended up blur and like one eyeball, and I honestly, I was a little tempted. I was like, that's a good eyeball. That's a blur, And then I had to take it down to it where it's a little realistic. But I feel this is not actually really what In fact, if I put my hand in front of my face, is it doing it? No, it doesn't do a glitch. It's not that much, but I mean I felt like I needed just a little little wink wink Today, Yeah you need a little a little But isn't it crazy
that our technology can kind of lie that much? Oh well, you know what I mean, Like even on a zoom, I don't look quite like this. This is really like I have a little I'm tired in here, and the touch of my parents little has kind of made it all disappear.
I uh, yeah, well, I think technology has definitely changed a lot of that, like what's real what's not. And one of the first times I actually thought, wow, there's probably a very big difference between you used to remember when you used to only see candid pictures of celebrities because an invasive group of paparazzi took a picture and they were so priceless because you were like celebrity in the wild.
Oh my god. They used to have that, yeah, yeah, celebrities in the wild.
Yeah.
And then there would be where you were meant to see them on a red carpet, and so that was where you saw the people that you looked at in movies and television, right, And I think that that was what they looked like what people looked like. But now everybody's in charge of their own image, and likely most of what's seen is stuff that they've taken themselves and put online or on their social media apps or whatever, and which everything can be altered however you'd like it
to be, and I did. I remember a couple of years ago seeing a picture of someone on a red carpet that I'd only been looking at on social media for a while, and there was a huge disparity the way that the person looked on the red carpet on real film versus what they had been putting out on their you know, Instagram page was totally different because of the way that they used filters and you know, touch up my appearance or whatever, which by the way I've done,
I understand, I mean absolutely, I mean, I you know, I do sort of feel like there's a it's personal right, like you have to My personal opinion is like you can, Josh, but you can't like reconfigure you know what.
This is really funny you say this like it can't be a different head.
Yes, no, but let's talk about this.
I had a picture myself that I wanted to just a little right and face Tune is the only app that I know that is you can you can kind of juja a little bit, right, maybe you smooth out a little lions here and there. But I discovered the button where it's like it can auto just do a hole. I don't even know what it's called, but it's like the button that can you can press it, and the AI kind of was like, you know what, we can
fix kind of this for you, right. I swear to god, apparently my face is a Picasso because it literally shaved my chin off, like I don't know if I have a buzz light your chin. It shaved my chin down. It gave me I was like gee. I was like, oh my god, is this what I need done? My eyeballs increased by five hundred percent on my precess, my lips were like so juicy, and then I had to go like back and forth between it because I was like, what.
What have they done?
AI has taken my face and been like this is not gonna work and has literally showed me like this sucks on you, and I was like, this is fucked. Yeah, this is messed up. I wasn't even asking for that. I wasn't trying to increase my eyeball size. But I was like, you might want to look into that.
You might want to look into that for sure.
Yeah, yeah, I had.
I had that one time. By the way, I think probably a little more insulting. I was in a big I was in this big Western mini series and they did a group picture where it was I mean, it had to have been fifteen to twenty cast members and we didn't even shoot us all at the same time, but we're all lined up and I shot mine alone because I had been working somewhere else at the time, so they had to put this together, this photo shoot for me, and I take my photo and I actually
was feeling pretty good that day. And it was big, like big hair, big makeup, the anti Western because and that we were no makeup and we're in like the dirt all the time. And I see the pictures basterwards, I'm like, I'm totally happy with these pictures. These look great. I'm so like, they look fantastic. And then the billboard comes out and it was one of the ones on Sunset,
so this oh yeah billboard. And then also they took out pages in Vanity Fair, so it's like really everywhere and I'm so excited because it's like a big deal for me. And I go to look at it and I flipped through the thing and I look at it, and I'm like, what the They had drenched me out, like they had taken me from my head where my hair was, and my toes where my little Barbie heels were, and they just bowed me up. I was they made. They gave me an avatar body. I didn't just like it.
It just is not my body.
So I had Zoe Selt on.
His body and Avatar, so I had an Avatar body. And then same same my hair. I grew more of it. There was so much more in my hair, so much there was hair everywhere. Not only were my lips juicy, they were a totally different shape. They were like I get it that people like to overline the lips these days. Whatever, Okay, that's fun, that's dood. But they were like a bow.
They were like they were like a.
Big heart on top and had big heart and then like my bottom lip went down to where like the middle of my chinns. I look like one of those like you like a yeah, I look at a brat's exactly like a breath like.
A slender man body with a bratstall head.
Yeah yeah, oh oh and by the way, really new development. Because there's a lot of things that I've had issues with about myself that I about do to my insecurity or just you know, someone else's standard of beauty or whatever whatever, But I actually have never had a complaint about my nose. Like I've been like, I got a good nose. I'm good, Like I don't have any I don't when people you talk about shading it or shout at what's it called?
Yeah, oh, contouring, contouring it.
You know, I wouldn't even know what to do, and I want I don't know how that works. New nose. I had a new nose. My nose was not my nose on this billboard or this spread of I had a completely different nose. Again, this is I'm going to find this image and you're going to see it.
This is what I'm talking about. This is what I'm talking about. The face tune did to me. I you know, it's like I'm googling like eyeball surgeries after.
But my point is for you, it was an enameless, faceless AI. There was some motherfucker that looked at me.
It was like, hold on, hold on, we can't put this out.
We can't put this out. We gotta fix her up.
Pull an pull an out. Nos, we saved a couple of weeks ago.
Yeah, she is not fit to be.
Okay, so we're in a crazy industry. Obviously standards. I want to know if you have ever, because I have a story. However, kind of lost a role based on your looks because I back in the day audition for a c W show that I did not get, and the casting director's feedback was I was not pretty enough for the wret the camera hair not excuse.
You, c WU like says who first of all, you know what's funny?
It's I was like what the what the fuck? Ever? I was like whatever, moving on it honestly didn't like I think because at that point I had so many notes in my career like.
Just jokes on you get in line with the.
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Well, first of all, I'm sorry, is that even I mean, yes, we are, we are absolutely trained to be and have that just be like okay, well that whatever. You can't even take it seriously because again it's like you're like, okay, fine, but I guess I guess what it brings up is like what it? What is? What is pretty? How do we understand what
pretty is? What is pretty to that person? Was it like a group think like all of them decided that one a person decided that, Like I think that that's sort of where things start, which of course ended up being the question about what are the beauty standards and how do they get set and who sets them and obviously how much they change from you know, family to family, town to town, city to city, country to country, you know, culture. It all influences what is pretty or beautiful or whatever.
I actually very specifically lost a job early in my career because I wasn't thin enough. And I remember I auditioned for it. It was like a rom com and it would have been like a very a big break for me, and I really wanted it and I worked really really hard on it, and I went in and I auditioned and I think I you know, probably went through three were in heats if you will, right, And I made it into to the director and the director
was this lovely guy who was so awesome. He was like, you're my pick, like absolutely, like I think you're fantastic. I think it's gonna be amazing. And my manager said, Okay, here's the deal. You're the pick. The head of the studio thinks that you need to be thinner like they they just they do. And I was like okay, and they said, so they'd like to give you, you know, like I don't know what I was ten days, two weeks whatever.
Ten days, yeah, something crazy. What are you going to do?
Lose a limb?
Honestly, it was so ridiculous. And again it's just so silly when I think back to my younger self, because I'm you know, part of me thinks to say to her like that, you know what, whatever, not your job, but you don't think that way and you want the job.
So I remember they did this like very awkward thing where they said, okay, it's you know, they didn't say it, they didn't say it explicitly, right, but they said, you know, oh, in two weeks, we'd like for Jessica to come in and just have a meeting with the head of the studio, just you know, just a meet and greet. And it was a full check in like in those ten days.
Because a scale and a measuring tape, but just ignore those.
I just I know, and I tried, and oh, my gosh, your early twenties, the stupid shit you do that. I wish I could take all back, and I would just die if anyone I loved did it. But it was like I remember, there was like this. It was the cabbage soup diet. It was the oh my god, there was another one that was like just you can eat air and drink air, the Air Giant, the air diet. And I remember I did, I did all that I could. But the truth was is the when I was younger, I mean still, but I just had.
I had. I'm assuming you, Distill did not get this role, by the way, you're the director's pick.
Yeah.
The end of the story was that I was given those ten days and then I went in to meet the head of the studio and I don't even know if it was because of like whether I was thinking I must not have been thin enough. No, I didn't get the job, And the irony was that the person that did was actually quite well known in the business for having disordered eating, having you know, issues with disordered eating.
So I was like, wow, this is so nuts. But yeah, yeah, I mean, so the standard of beauty was thin.
Yeah, I would say it was worse then, Oh for sure, sure, definitely worse.
And that and that's the interesting thing is that when you think about who sets the beauty standards and then you think about how they affect you. While you can say in this particular case, you can say like I don't care, like in my personal life, we're in such a weird business. Because it's then it felt like the difference between working and not right. You have to conform
to the beauty standards. If you don't conform to the beauty standards, then you won't work, which is quite different than you know, I mean, most other situations.
I'm very strange, and I feel like this might be a Sagittarius trait where I'm a little rebellious. So if I was given ten days to lose weight, the first thing I would do is go eat a hamburger. I'd like thank you, Like I'd be like, okay, I'll show up on Tuesday. I can't wait. And then i'd hang up and I'd be already in the dry through for in and out, Like I just have a little bit of like.
I love that.
Don't let you know, But I don't even know if that's the way to go with it. I think the better way to go is like, I'm just gonna carry on living my life. I don't think you need to go either way. I'm a little rebellious.
Well that's the key, right, and that's what you end up at, I think, which is exactly right. You're gonna go live your life, right, You're gonna go live a life that is yeah, healthy and in your in your mind and body, and you're gonna look over it. You look like you're going to be healthy for you. You're going to be in your body. You're not going to try and make your body like somebody else's body, because everybody's body is different.
I also feel like that reaction from me is also about trying to get control back. Worthy you are controlled, Yeah, you know, if the feedbacks are there or the other it's like I'm going to get it back by saying few and now I'm going to get the animal fries in and out. Yeah, because you've lot it's a situation where you've totally lost control.
Yeah, I see, I didn't. I felt I felt the pressure to conform, and in my younger years, I don't even think I should say in my younger years, I have felt that I have felt the pressure to conform, and it does a number on me, for sure, I have. Yeah, Yeah, there's ways in which you know, I think that like, I'm not I'm not so I'm not so convinced that my idea of beauty is mine alone, right that I
came up with what I think is beautiful. I think that I'm heavily influenced by all the things that are there in the world, and then and the ways in which you see people being looked at or or regarded as beautiful on your Yeah, for sure, for sure that's real for me.
Yeah, I also feel like we grew up in a time Like me as a teen, I was one of like Britney Spears came on the scene and it was like the low low jeens with things.
Oh gosh, you need a special bikini wax to wear those things.
Totally, you need a bikini wax you need It's like Brittany had the apps. I mean, there was no one. I was like, I want to be Britney Spears right Like, I was a couple of years younger that I wanted to be Britney and I felt like right off the bat, like early early, early, which is happening now and happens to everybody. There was a body type that I did not have. That that's what I needed to have.
Yeah, what a p a bummer.
It's hard because when you have kids too, It's like I look at Hayden and Lucas, both of them, and I love I made their little bodies. I like the idea that they could hate something about their body like destroys me and seems absurd too. Yeah, I can't have a great feeling about myself.
Yeah, I know, I know. Oh, I know, there's so much to say there. But I think what I'm experiencing for the the the light that I see, the upgrade that I'm observing in looking at it through a parenting eye, is that it's really important how you talk to yourself through it. It's really really important that you're kind to yourself and that you acknowledge the thought.
You know.
It's like, Okay, I'm doing that thing, like I'm looking at that person and I'm thinking I wish that I look like them for X, Y or Z reason, and I'm gonna feel that and then I'm gonna dismiss that thought and let it move right on. Along and not change my day, not change my behavior, or not change you know me, which is by the way, again, it's a fine line, but that doesn't mean to say that you throw everything out right. Sometimes you get inspired, and I do find makeup and hair and a lot of
that kind of stuff really creative. And I can get inspired by people in the way that they do those their makeup. That's fun, you know, And and I think ultimately, like what did I start with?
Right?
I got my hair cut and colored and it was like a whole new made There's something very fun and uplifting about certain aspects of like our rituals, you know, our beautiful our beauty rituals are our ideas of that. But then there's some really damaging negative self talk that can happen that that I think is you know, better left better left behind.
You do you think as you've gotten older you feel more pressure in a way or less.
I personally feel less me too. At the risk of sounding however this sounds, I I sort of feel cuter now than I was then. I mean, I know, I don't know. I look at pictures of myself now I'm like, yeah, I mean I get it. I get what people complain about with regards to maturing, But I think what you gain is more than what you lose, if you even lose.
No, I think I think I feel cuter now, but I think it's I don't. I don't think. I think it's because just I have more confidence. Yeah, I don't think it comes from like esthetically I really am cuter now, or my hair is better or whatever. I just feel like my confidence is a lot better.
Yeah. Yeah. Do you think the guys deal with it as much as like, what do you think men? Uh deal with it?
I do.
I think they do, but not in it's such in such a different way.
In such a different way. But I definitely think the social media, I mean, talk, we listen, We're always going to end up at social media at some point in these conversations. Social media for guys is the same as for girls. But it's like all the workouts. There's a lot of pressure too, a lot because of social media that maybe there wouldn't have been there before necessarily, but there is now.
Yeah.
Yeah, we have some statistics so we could read on this.
Yeah. Also I feel like in a weird way, that's that's their thing. I think is interesting here at the male female not comparison. But no, it bear with me for a second. No, women like there are these standards of beauty or attractiveness, let's say for both, you know, people who identify as male and female. And in the female category, it feels like there's so much that you
can do rightly, all these improvements. There's a mass scare for this, and there's a mass scare for that, and there's a highlighter for this, and a little letter for that. Like there's all this makeup and hair stuff, and it's just it's such a huge business and you can buy so much, and you can watch so many things that will help you, you know, on your quest to become more attractive. I think there's so many more things that you can buy and things that you can watch that
are geared towards women. I think that men don't get as many things served up to them, which isn't to say that they don't deal with the same insecurities. It's just like there's there's less being sold to them in terms of making it better or feeling better.
So then it.
Always it seems like it pivots to like for guys, it's I feel like in the guy category. These days you hear about it's like, yeah, it's the gem or the muscles or the body or whatever. And then it's like the hair. And then I feel like I've been hearing a lot more about I don't know if it's more like like the chin situation, there's a whole line.
I think it's like the filler. The filler's happening in people's jawlines where they need that, like they need that, Like really, yeah, yeah.
I'm more of a ce.
I'm more of an O.
I leaned into the sea shape.
By the way. Someone early days someone said that to me. Someone said that I should get my buckle fat pad removed, and I was like, what the is my buckle fat pad? And like does that thing just pop out? What happened?
What do you mean? Do you get surgery?
And thank god, I mean thank god I didn't, And thank god I had people around me that was like that's insane.
Yeah, we're still, we're around. These were the only two round to night. I'm okay with it.
I'm good. So along the lines of talking about men and women that it is reported in the conversation dot com that body image issues affect close to forty percent of men, but many don't get the support that they need. It's estimated that between thirty and forty percent of men are anxious about their weight, and that up to eighty five percent are dissatisfied with their muscularity. Many men desire a lean and muscular physique. See that's what I'm saying,
which is often seen as synonymous with masculinity. Yeah, so it's like guys want to be ripped and hate that though they want to be ripped with a full head of hair and a nice jaw line. And that's like three things, which I'm not taking that away. It's three things, right, And I think women it's like, oh my gosh, go down the.
List and then and then and then.
Yeah, yeah, so many things. And I think that, you know, and I think that again. We're going back to social media, right, it's comparison. Comparison in Front of Mine says comparison is a thief of joy. It's true. Whenever you compare yourself to someone else, you know, it takes it sucks to your joy right out. You're always going to think someone's got something better, whatever it is. And social media is
obviously the most fertile ground for that. All you have to do is you go on any at any time and you're going to see someone who has something more than you do in some direction that you wish you had it, and then you walk away feeling less then.
And that's what a lot of people are doing. And it kind of doesn't even matter what their age is, right, They're going on there and they're seeing that there's something better, something they don't have, and it makes you feel less then, And it's really a it's a big it's really bummer.
It's interesting because I'm thinking, as you're talking about this, I'm thinking, Okay, if I had the perfect body, right, the perfect body I think is potentially the esthetic for the perfect body, what difference in my day to day would it honestly make? What would it actually like? Give me right, I'm still doing a school drop off. Does the perfect like the perfect body is not making a difference there. I'm gonna go get my coffee. It's not really affecting my day there either, we go to dinner.
Maybe I'm wearing a shorter crop top.
I don't know. That's the extent, is what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying. What is it really, How is it really going to affect your day if you have the prefer if you have the perfect face that you've decided that you have, does it really is it really actually gonna affect your day if you if you have it? Because I feel like it won't.
Okay, So I understand what you're saying. I think that I believe that your mindset about what you have is the most important thing. So yes, if your mindset is I have the perfect body for me, I feel great about my body. It's and everyone's again, everyone's idea is different. You know, my body can run two miles without breaking a sweat. That's really important to me. And so I have that, and then my mindset's going to be great. And it doesn't really matter what it looks like, it's
how I feel about it. Right. So I think that the journey, or like the Promised Land, is getting to the place where whatever it is that you have you feel great about because that will just make your kid drop off and your coffee later and your dinner later better because you're not weighed down by this idea that you need to be anything other than what you are. You're happy with what you are, You're content, You can
focus on other things. You can listen to the conversation, you can listen to the words of the person sitting across from you at dinner, because you're not fixating or thinking about something that you don't have, that you didn't get right.
You know.
I mean, I think that's the waste of time. I think that's the the I think that's.
What I'm getting at. Like, I think I'm getting at the idea of what you could be. What would it really bring you if you were that, Like if we were just if we end up being happy with ourselves, that's it. That's awesome. It's not really gonna affect my life.
She goes some questions.
Yeah, let's do some questions.
So Matthew writes in I'm going to be blunt. I'm a thirty two year old man and I'm already losing my hair. I am on every dating app and I wear a hat in all my profile photos when I meet up for a date with a woman. She thinks I'm catfishing when I show up with my bald head, but no one will swipe right if I show them that I am balding. I feel frustrated.
Any advice, well, First off, I disagree that no one will swipe right.
Yes, I agree with you.
So I think that if you love wearing a hat, you feel like you look cute and hat, have some hat pictures, but have some pictures where you're not wearing a hat too, not to not to not catfish people, but because that's what you look like. And there's gonna be women that don't think that you're a little hotty hottie. There's so many hot men with no hair. Yep, hello Jason Statham, right the Rock Yeah, Stanley Tucci. Yeah, there's a million guys with no I do not think for
one second that being bald makes you not attractive. There are women out there that are definitely attracted to bald men, So I say rocket.
I also like your idea of the meeting it halfway, which is, if you think you look cute and a hat, wear a hat in a couple of pictures. Right, Like, there's there's a lot of pictures up there, and if you have to pick up, if you have to pick one for your profile, then fine, pick the one that you think is the cutest, but then add in some more where it's all.
Of you exactly. Yes, love that Matthew, You're gonna You're gonna find the right person for you.
The wipe rights are coming.
Yeah, the swipe rights are coming. Okay, very excited. We have a bus male to less and I've been going to your singing coach. Just just these moments. Just kidding, Okay, Okay, let's play it. This is from Parker, Hey.
Milan, Jessica. My name is Parker. First, I'm loving the pod. It's amazing. And second, I was just wondering if you'll have any you know, words of encouragement or advice on dealing with beauty standards, specifically postpartum era. I'm a new Ish mom. My daughter's almost seventeen months, and you know, I'm just always comparing myself to other moms on social media or even just friends who just seem to kind of bounce back quicker than I have, if that makes sense.
Anyways, I would just love you here to love to hear your.
Thoughts on this as some other mamas. All right, thanks, I love you guys.
Bye.
I know I keep saying it. I love hearing the cruise voice.
Yeah I do too, I love it. Oh my gosh, Parker, I've been there and also congratulations.
Because you're a baby.
I know, seventeen months. That's cute.
First off, seventeen months, you just say birth, it's seventeen months.
Be kind to yourself. Everybody is different.
Here's what I think. Do yourself a favor first of all, and unfollow all the accounts that are like this is me and two days after our baby and I have abs. Just for now, Okay, you can always refollow them if you love them. For now, we're gonna mute those accounts. Find accounts that you feel are like more your vibe, not making you feel like when you look at them, and bring it.
Because I know that as.
Moms, we are scrolling through our phone and we're feeding all these images into our brains and they don't. It doesn't help. So I think, just literally, like, I know it's hard to log off, So I'm not saying log off. I'm saying, log off of those accounts and follow accounts that you feel are where more you're at. It's really hard to say, like, don't feel the pressure, because we all feel that pressure. It's so annoying. I have to say I did not bounce back.
So here's what I feel. I completely agree with Camilla. I think anybody that doesn't make you feel fantastic, you can absolutely mute. I do it all the time, and then I absolutely revisit it again and go back and go right back to it. But if it's hitting you in a certain way for this period of time in your life, then so be it. So take a little pressure off yourself, and I don't know, you know, do what you need to do and be with that little baby.
It's the most important part. And a lot of times when you take your like the pressure off it, you'll get to where you want to get to a little easier. It's just like, sometimes this is too much pressure.
Basically, long story short here, Ladies like you just did something incredible and I feel you. I there wasn't the bounce back never happened for me, and that's fine. I don't care. I've moved on, and I think that there are so many women listening that feel the exact same way. Didn't bounce back. You haven't jumped, you know, haven't regotten a six pack or found you know, didn't lose all
the weight by you know, breastfeeding. You also hear that too, you lose all the weight by breast breastfeeding So I was on the couch breastfeeding, being like, wow, is this like, you know, me doing you know what?
Is it CrossFit?
It's basically me doing CrossFit on the couch while I'm breastfeeding. It was a lie for me. I didn't lose a single pound breastfeeding. It's all good, you guys, it's all good. I want the crew to know, you're can gorgeous.
Agree. Agree. So I think that this was just a nice little, you know, catch up stroll down memory lane, an examination of how we were put together and what we what we come to aspire to.
And I think that now.
We can call it the end of the episode.