What do you think of when I say the word clutter? Most of us think of those physical belongings that stack up, and up and accumulate around us. But clutter can also be mental or emotional. Today's guest Jennifer Major speaks about all the various aspects of clutter in our lives. And how a quick and easy 10-minute habit can make a phenomenal difference. Jennifer says that once you're organized, then you can eliminate decision fatigue. And that's the key to feeling better. Her technique of setting values is the secret ingredient in making her system stick for the long haul. Enjoy our conversation today… 10 minutes can make a difference. “Call IT in With Dar”!
Welcome, welcome. Before we get into our topic today, could you please tell our listeners who you are, and a little bit about how you got into this work?
● Absolutely, I'm so delighted to be here with you. I'm Jennifer Major, I'm an intuitive life organizer. And I help heart centered women to get organized once and for all, and solve generational clutter. So that you can more confidently weather the chaos of life, and do more of what you want, and less of what you don't. Because I want you to have your back. Not just now, but ongoing and be able to trust yourself and your own intuition as you go. Because we all deserve clutter free spaces. So I got into this work, because I had a long career in human resources. I worked a lot with people a lot with retooling departments, and processes and all of that, and saw so much about how the process and the person really went together. You know, they couldn't be separated. And when I went into practice on my own, almost 20 years ago, I really wanted something fun, because I had become a little bit of the Grim Reaper in my HR practice, and just wanted something fun, where people really enjoyed seeing me show up, I felt like I was making their lives better. And it made them happy. So I went into professional organizing, when there was hardly anything out there like it, other than for the super wealthy, because I thought regular everyday people deserve this too. And along the way, one of the things that I really saw was that there were times I would go back to a client several times, and we would work in the same space and reset it over and over and over again. And they work with me when I would work with them, you know, when I would be there. And we would talk about their natural flow with the people in their family. And so we would set it up in a way that was very customized, rather than an off the shelf system. And yet it wouldn't stick. Right? It wouldn't, it wouldn't stay organized, it was hard for them to kind of plug back in. And that's when I realized that there needed to be another layer to it, it needed to have a layer of being value based. So what do you really want out of your pantry? What do you want from your clothes, you know, I want them to feel, you know, I want them all in good condition, I want them to be comfy, I want them to be bright colored, I want them whatever it is, right. And then that eliminates the decision making, because that's where the chaos and the clutter and the decision fatigue comes in and kind of really kicks us in the tush. Because it's just like some days, it's too hard. And then if you feel like you're making a new decision about everything, that's just too hard to dig out of. Whereas if you've got that value set, you're not making new decisions, you're sort of just resetting it or testing against it. And that just makes it so much easier in the good times and in the hard times.
Wow, that is so interesting on how you kind of peeled away and found out there were layers and to become more value based. I also thought that it was interesting when you said that the process in the person or can't be separated?
● Yeah, I wish more people and work companies would realize that.
That is interesting. Well, let's jump right in and talk about the deep stuff. Life changes the trauma, and then how somebody can take action to actually feel better.
● I love it. Well, you know, I mean, big stuff happens, right? There's, there's life changes that we expect. There's life changes that we don't expect. Over a year ago, I fell out of the shower, something very simple, right? Like I get out of the shower every single day and do it successfully. Well, one day I didn't and broke my arm and shattered my leg. And it has taken me on a very, very long journey of physical healing, a lot of mental emotional, psychological healing, because the PTSD is real. And it also allowed me to see again from a deeper perspective, when you were literally in the muck of it, right for something particularly that is not expected. How organization of your time and your space and your thoughts can make just a world of difference? Because I think one of the things I shared with you before was that you want to feel better, do better and live better. Right? And that's, that's ultimately what helps you make those big changes. But we know it can be hard someday. Right? But, knowing that you've got your space organized in a way that suits your season. Right, a great example is that, initially, I was in and out of the hospital and rehab hospital. And when I was home, I wasn't actually at my home, I was at my parents home where I haven't lived for a lot of years. Because they're both retired, they're available to take care of me, and there was a space to be able to do it. Because between the hospital bed and the wheelchair, and all the things, it was like having a toddler again, like I took up a lot. And I really desperately wanted independence. But I literally only had one arm and one leg that I could use. And so that was very, very limiting, as you might imagine. And so it was really important for me to have things really containerized and reachable. So like I needed things to be open, I couldn't open a closed box or a drawer or something like that, because that required two hands that I didn't have the use of. And so, you know, even though it made me a little crazy, because things were more open, I could at least say okay, here, here's my toiletries, my morning routine, and my evening routine stuff is in this box. And it could live on the other side of the bed
or on a side table. And I could drag it to me and push it back. So that I could take care of my own hair and teeth and wash my face and clean myself up and all of that right things that we take for granted when we're in the better seasons. And then also things that could just make it easier for others to help me. Because, you know, if I wanted a specific shirt or a specific pant or something, well, I know what it looks like. But if I had it all just in chaos, well, how long will somebody else, and then not feel frustrated too. Because that part of the organization is not just for your own self. But to make life easier for both you and the others that are living in that experience with you. And so whether it was my mom or dad, or my husband or daughter, or anybody who was giving me clothes, or whatever it was, I wanted to make it easier for them. Because it ultimately made it easier and better for me, I got more of what I wanted and needed. And they were less frustrated. And so knowing what you value and what you really, truly need, in whatever season it is. And it's going to shift as I got stronger, and was able to stand up and pivot a little bit more, still only one arm and one leg for four months. You know, let me tell you that gets a little like it's a little challenging, but I was able to push myself a little bit more every week. And thus could adjust things. And at some point didn't have to be in the hospital bed anymore. But then that brought new challenges because now I was in a different room. And so it's about knowing how to understand yourself, and what you truly want and need and those that are in that space with you, and what they truly want and need and where that intersection is for that.
Thank you, what a great example, a real tangible example that people can kind of take it and then they can think about some of these other big life changes and how organization could really be the key to feeling better to getting better.
● Absolutely, absolutely. I mean it's how you organize your time and your space. Right and your mental energy, rest all of it.
I know that one of your favorite sayings is that 10 minutes can change everything. Will you give us some examples of this for our daily life?
● Absolutely. And here's the thing, I truly, truly believe this, and I practice it every day. 10 minutes, you know, we all get stuck in the well, I don't have time for that, or oh my gosh, clearing out this closet or reorganizing this pantry is going to take me hours. And I don't have time for that. So it's just going to stay there. Well, you know what it doesn't have to be, because you truly can do it 10 minutes at a time, whether that's a 10 minute block a day, or several doesn't matter. So looking at 10 minutes at a time, is so much faster when you look at the process of getting organized. So it's setting that value set that we've already talked about. And then sorting first. If I said okay, now go in your closet and put all your shirts together and all your bottoms together. Okay, that might take 10 minutes, and then tomorrow, sort the shirts by sleeve length, and then by color. Okay, great. There's another 10 minutes. And then the third day, okay, now, start with the first group of your shirts, and test those against what that value set is. Do they fit that value set? Yes or no, you're not making a new decision. But it's not so overwhelming, because you've got all your white short sleeve shirts there, then you go to your yellow short sleeve shirts, right. And so it reduces the decision fatigue, it reduces the visual clutter, to sort first, and you can sort down to whatever subcategory you want. But this can also come into play for all those little maintenance things that get all of us putting up the laundry, because there's literally not a person on earth, who enjoys the process of putting up laundry, we all enjoy it being put up. Literally, Nobody enjoys the process. So take 10 minutes and put it up, see how far you get. You may finish it. Or you may only get through half of it. But that's still more than what you have done before. And do it with some flair and some fun by putting on a podcast, some music, whatever it is that you can incentivize yourself to and kind of reprogram yourself to rethink about what that time looks like. So I often will recommend that my clients have a special podcast that they listen to, only when they're doing those things they really don't enjoy. emptying the dishwasher, filling the dishwasher, folding laundry, doing your money, checking in whatever it is on your list, both work in and personal. We all have those things that we don't love to do. But they are helpful when they're done, right? And so if you've got a special podcast that you love to listen to, or a special playlist that you'd love to listen to, and you can only listen to it, when you're doing those things it's going to shift that energy. Because now you're going to be excited like, Oh, I really want to listen to the next episode of that. And you're going to turn it on. And it'll trigger your brain. What can we do? What can we knock out while we're listening to this? And other reprogram those activities to not feel so yucky?
I love that idea.
● Thank you. Yeah, and you can do self care in 10 minutes, right?
Like, right, well, that’s what I'm all about the whole like, I Don't have time for whatever, you know, like, you can do anything in 10 minutes. Absolutely. You've mentioned decision fatigue a couple times and I have not really heard that phrase before but boy do identify with it.
● Yeah, it's funny because it's talked about a lot in the more academic circles, because they will study decision fatigue on different processes, different things that people do. You know, if you think about retail, like they don't want, you know, on an online website for a retailer, they don't want you to go through too many steps to have to do something because every step is a different decision. Right? And if you get fatigued, then you're not going to buy the thing, right? So they want that to be easy. And so, decision fatigue is everywhere, right decision fatigue, sounds like in your everyday language. I'll get to that later. I'll put it here for now. I might need this sometime? Well, I don't know, I'll think about it. Right? Those are the kinds of things that we say that really are rooted in that decision fatigue, because it's just that I'm afraid to make the wrong decision, I don't have enough information to feel confident in my decision making. Alright, just I'm not in the mood, right. But if it's, if you've got a set of values around things, you're not making the decision, you already did that, once, right, and you can adjust those values as you go. As the seasons change, as you adjust. I've got clients that, you know, every year in my group coaching program, we do the same schedule. So we have seasons there. And so once a year, we're doing the bedroom, bathroom and closet, which is a very personal set of spaces. And every year, they refine what they value in those spaces. Right, it doesn't mean that they're necessarily in a different season, because sometimes they're not. But it just means that through the last year, they've lived in the values that they said, and how they created that space for it. And there's some things that need to be tweaked, right, because they now realize, okay, well, you know, I really valued a clean counter more than I realized. And so I need to make some adjustments to what I have on the counter. No big deal. Right. And so that's, that's really where that can get powerful. And really reduce that decision fatigue, because that really is where the clutter and the hoarding and the exhaustion come from. And, frankly, the shame that we feel, because supposedly, you know, we were supposed to come out of the womb, knowing how to organize and clean and all of that and be good at it. And also, it's our job, right? Which is a whole different soapbox, I know. But there can be a lot of shame around that. And it's like, okay, well, but you didn't know the skills, we didn't come out knowing how to drive either. And so you have to learn those skills, you have to practice them. And you have to keep doing that. You know, I noticed after my accident, because it was, gosh, four and a half, five months between when I fell. And when I drove for the first time again. I've been driving, you know, I've been two years old, like I've been driving a long time. And it took me a minute, like I had to go around the block a couple times and you know, sort of like, okay, we can we can ease back into this. And then the freeway, you know, took a little bit and night driving took a little bit it was like okay, no, I'm back. I'm back on the bike, we got this. But if you're not practicing, if you're not regularly maintaining then it is going to feel overwhelming to
Yes, those were great examples. And I so resonate with that, the decision fatigue and then not having to make the decisions, if you know what your values are. You've already made them. You made it so simple.
● Well, in setting your values can feel a little overwhelming because like we're not talking about your big, you know, like spiritual level values. We're talking about truly what you value for your clothes, for your pantry, for your desk, space, all of those things, right? You have a value, you intuitively know what you value there. But it's a matter of sort of digging that up in and trusting yourself and then trying it out and saying like, does that really work? For example I had a client who grew up very much valuing thriftiness so much so that every set of pajamas that she had, were a little tattered or had a hole, but they still worked right? They covered the parts that needed to be covered. And they still worked. Right? Did they make her feel beautiful and wonderful and cared for and nurtured? No, not even remotely so when she was valuing Thriftiness they fit the value right? But when she shifted her values and realized I can value Thriftiness, I value caring for myself more because it doesn't mean that if that value disappears, right? It just means that it shifts in priority. So I care for myself more now. So you know what, I'm going to start replacing my pajamas. So that I can feel beautiful for myself, for my husband, I can feel comfortable and I don't feel like I'm just wearing rags, right? And then that has just an even deeper intrinsic value to you.
It was a great client example. Without breaking client confidentiality, can you give us another example of a transformation that someone went through with your guidance?
● Absolutely. There's, I mean, I love talking about my clients transformations, because there they are so much more than the stuff, right, the stuff changes and how the stuff gets sorted out changes. But it's, it's that mindset that happens underneath and sort of sneaks in. That's, that's the magic. So there's a client that is in my group coaching program, and came in very timid, very nervous about, like, what was this gonna be I know, I need this, I know, I need some help. But I'm not so sure about the accountability, I don't want to be judged. You know, and feeling like a really low self image, because of how her home looked and, and all of that. And, as we dug through things and went through each month, I could hear what she was saying that she was growing in confidence to be able to make the decisions on what to throw because she was really starting to value herself in the process. Rather than hearing what others were thinking, and feeling about her or the space or anything else. And ultimately went from a bedroom where basically her three almost adult children, one of whom has some pretty significant learning disabilities. Basically, it was, you know, sort of everybody's room and everybody shower, and everybody's closet, and everybody's stuff was everywhere in it. And she didn't have a space just for her to create the boundary that this is my room, this is my shower, this is my bathroom. These are my things. You can come in, when invited, or when you ask. And redecorating it, new paint on the walls, new bedspread, new bed, new side tables, the whole I mean, like she had had the same side tables since I think college or something like that. And you know, and she's an early 50s as well. And so, but it was always the whole like, well, they were fine. Right? But decided to value herself and the sanctuary space that she wanted to create so much more that she created those boundaries in her family about who can bring blood in and who can come in and, and continues to do so and continues to step more and more into her power beyond just herself and her immediate family. But also, you know what, I don't need to volunteer for those things. Because I'm literally getting nothing out of it. Like it's not enjoyable. I feel like you know, it's not a waste of time or whatever. Right? So let me look at how I'm using my time so that I can take better care of myself than take better care of my family. And so it's like watching the butterfly slowly emerge from the chrysalis. It's absolutely beautiful and how she interacts with the people in her world is amazing. So it's awesome.
Wow, what a great example of boundaries and like you said it's more than the stuff. Yes, it started with the stuff and reclaiming her, her physical area but I am hearing in this story that it expanded way beyond that. For sure For sure. So we've been talking about making it fun. And here's a fun question. What do you consider to be your superpower?
● Oh, I always love this question. I kind of never know. But then I'm like, Oh, wait, maybe maybe this maybe that. But I would say Ultimately, my intuition is my superpower. Because it really allows me to see and hear those underlying stories behind why you don't want to get rid of the duplicate checkbook from 1973. Right. And that we can understand the backstory there even if you haven't even articulated it, or, or acknowledged it yourself. So I would say my intuition.
Interestingly, while you were talking, it made me start thinking of an area that has gotten quite cluttered. And I'm thinking, What is my back story about that area? So you gave me food for thought talking about your superpower?
● Well, and sometimes here's the thing, sometimes there's not a backstory, sometimes. It's literally, that we just have an assigned value to the space. And so it's just, you know, kind of flowing with us. Right? Mm hmm. So sometimes, and sometimes there's, you know, really deep seated generational stuff, right. And sometimes it's just, I have an assigned value to the kitchen island that collects all the mail. And that's okay.
Yeah, that kind of reminds me I used to be teased growing up that my mother said, “Oh, you just figure if it's behind closed doors, it doesn't need attention.”
● So right, well, and yeah, I mean, that generates that that's where generational clutter came from. Right. And there is a difference between tidy and organized. Tidy, it looks all nice and neat and clean, right? Organized, as you know where to find it, even if it's a random stack sitting on the calendar that could still be organized. And you define what each of those mean, but like, yeah, absolutely generations before us, it was all about being tidy. Don't open the doors.
Right. Ah, that was interesting. But before we conclude, could you please tell our listeners how they might take the next step with you?
● Absolutely, I work with people one on one and in group coaching. And what's right for you really depends on the speed that you want to go. If you want to just get in there and get it done. Or if you want to go slow and steady, and have ongoing accountability. There's, uh, there are options for you. And you can find me on most of the socials as well as on my website cultivating dash u, y, o u.com. And that's where you can find all of my links to all the things and I know that they'll be included here as well.
Right, they'll be in the show notes page. So before we leave each other, and I, it's been so much fun, I hate to depart, but we need to. Is there anything else that you're just feeling called to let our listeners know about?
● I think the biggest thing that I would share is that it is absolutely okay, if not necessary to give yourself some dank grace. And that you didn't grow up learning the skills necessarily. You've not practiced them, you've not had the support in that area of organization. And even if you don't like it, you can still be good at it and it can still support you. So give yourself some grace around the fact that you know, you didn't come out of the womb with these skills. But you can also learn them when you're ready.
Ah, awesome. Well, thank you so much for being with us today. It was so wonderful to have you here.
● Thank you so much. Happy to be here.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai