Tom Segura Talks His Friendship With Bert Kreischer + His Start In Comedy

We're rolling boys, Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome you get to another episode of Blessing with the Boys, Episode two thirty three. We're just out here doing the boys. We're just out here fucking hitting pods once week right now. Listen. Summer is here, and what better way to take advantage of all it has to offer than with the Chevy Silverado. Silverado Summer. Think of all the possibilities from off road

Hey, if the Chevy Silverado was a haircut, it might be about.

A couple of slip uffs, but overall, like it felt like you're reading, was way.

Yeah.

But we also shot that ad last week and essentially that ad was what we did. Know.

That's except the compliment, brother, Yeah, you're right. I think it's because you cut them all it off. Moulla might have made you dumber. Maybe you know what I think it is too. I gotta give a bit quick shout out to Pa Patrol. Well, there's some five minute stories in there. I read the five minute stories in like twelve minutes. But I've been reading to my daughters. Guys out here find a helicopter and a whole bunch of stuff. So you know, Paw Patrol has got me working out here.

I mean, my birthday was essentially me hanging out my kids, and then late in the afternoon Will and his family came over, and his family left, and then me and Will just got banged the fuck up and got into a weird We hit some fucking Twilight Zone type.

It was amazing. It was was so amazing. We at one point, I was like, oh, we gotta go. We gotta go, you know, take care of the goats. So we're walking the goat driveway and we're like having We're like talking, We're like we're like in something, you know, you're playing the circle game, You're like figuring something out.

We stopped and I was like, we have to we have to have a hug right here in the middle of the dark driveway. He goes, we gotta have a hug right now. I'm like, and little I'm thinking to myself, that's exactly what we gotta do. That is one hundred percent what needs to happen right now. Bag and brace hug. We would literally pull your scafs apart and try to wrap as much as you can around the individual. Yeah, fucking hands right as far as far apart as possible

I was like, this is gonna be one of those nights like we're like seventeen old and we're gonna look back and this is gonna like be in our memory and I go, we gotta have a hug right now. So I feel like that'll encapsulate the entire moment and we're just breaking.

Shit down, dude. It was cool. It was literally like like just to put like we were watching funny enough, we were watching twenty fifteen Redskins versus Tampa Bay because Will, Will and I start talking about quarterback and Will's like, hey, you know quarterback that whole uh you like that game? And he starts going into it. I'll that you explain the whole situation that got us on that, But like, is that what you were about to ask? How did it get there?

Yeah?

Yeah, So we started to get a little banged up, banged up, and we were talking about we were talking about Kirk and that game and something tails like Taylor brought back.

I was like, oh, we Jay Reed came.

Up with any equation and then like McVeigh and then myself and h Taylor goes. Taylor goes, man, it is it truly is wild that y'all had all those cats and like all those coaching the coaching staff because O'Connell was part of it at one point and you guys didn't get it, like out of the first round of the playoffs. So I thought her, that's my moment. I'm like telling Taylor. I was like, you know who also got his moment in that Tampa Bay game we were down twenty four. Oh you know who that you know

And I was like, yeah, we can watch the game. Throw it on. There was a bit of a pause for a little bit. I kind of got on my phone because I could feel it, and then like a minute later it was like, yeah, throw it on, dude. No.

The look you had to think about it for a second longer pause because then I started telling me the story. I started elaborating on the entire holidg Yes, can you tell walking. Then we start talking some some you know, some some drama.

Yeah, I said, you want to go into that because legit, I was listening to that story and I was like, dude, you gotta fucking tell that story.

I think time and place for it, time and place. I don't think now is the time because that was obviously birthday. I end up getting you to where we're watching Old twenty fifteen. You know, we're watching the boy out there spinning a little bit but also failing. I was like, you know, when a play is happening. I was like, man, I really don't want this one to come on. I was like, okay, we can watch it, but there's one play where I miss a tackle in the hole draw play.

And I was like, dude, wouldn't nobody's all things because you didn't really say it. And then I was live for a second and he goes, yo, I really think there's a draw play coming up, And it was literally the next play. I was like, I thought the funny one was when that dude was running. He kind of forgot about that one. Bro, I start running. I was like, hang on, no, I'm out there chasing his ass. That's the only one who's gonna be able to make this play.

Yeah, And then once he spun me around, I was like, God, damn, I forgot that.

Dude.

It was nuts. But literally, while we're watching that game, it's eight years ago, and on the ticker, it's like the main thing that kept coming up was Tennessee versus the Falcons, and I'm like, bro, we lost that fucking game and I remember like that. Then they start showing highlights of Tennessee versus the Falcons. It was like just nuts.

We had no clue busting with the boys was gonna come about a few years later and JP, you know who the running back was, that you're for Washington Matt Jones.

Dude, yeah, will Bot that you were doing shit for him. Yeah. I started telling Taylor. I was like, you know what's crazy too, Like maybe since JP was just shooting Matt Jones, like he had a relationship with him, Like maybe he's watching this game somewhere, like just rooting for Matt Jones. Like JP's watching the game. You're I'm out here playing this game right here. You're Tennessee with that, you know, G and Jack are probably watching the.

Titans, like watching the Falcons game because you guys, they had came back, you were up for a while. Third quarter, they end up taking the lead and you lost a close one and it's like, man, you had no clue, like the whole spot was gonna come together like years later, and then then you start getting to where you're like leaned up and you're like.

Bro in this shit just wild. It was fucking nuts.

And then like Rashawn Matthews on one team, the Dolphins, the Dolphins at that point were like seeing.

All these big dangs, but they're playing for other teams.

It's like, man, all these guys are on different teams now, and it's like, man, they were really fucking doing it back then. And then somebody else popped up, and I don't know if it was it was Lockett maybe and Robert Woods, and you're just like, man, these guys been these guys been doing this.

Was on Buffalo. Lockett was still obviously, and You're.

Like, damn, bro, like they've really been They've really been like that for a long time. And then I'm like, then we get back to when we're little, and I was like, man, look at.

Us, but hold on, not even that point yet, because I was sitting in the chair, Will was sitting on my couch. And then eventually we're both seeing on the couch like real fucking close, and then we start talking about we start talking about something else, like oh I

And he's like he's like like, man, we started watching like something that's burning that because I was like five months ago, literally in February, and there's like.

Bro, even you look different. I was like, man, this shit is really wild.

And we're like.

Literally watching something from eight years ago. Will playing a football game eight years ago. It's still on the screen and we're on my little ass phone watching like something from five months ago. We're like, Yo, it's crazy that the football game that was eight years ago seems like it was like sooner than this something that was five

And then Taylor goes, yeah, it's like we could go back to any one of these moments like tomorrow and not miss a beat.

And I was like, yes, bro.

That's how I knew we were kind of on the same wavelength. And then I ended up that's when we started to go back far. I go, Bro, isn't it nuts. I was like, we're sitting here. I was like, we're in this empty house, like we might not ever get this moment again, and that like, and I go, I literally said, talking about first first emotion that comes to mind is fear. So I was like, yeah, I feel like I said that, but I'm like, but also, this is one of those moments you have to appreciate.

I was like, man, think about it. I'm like, we're having like an old school high school like an old throwback high school night, or it's just us hanging out watching like old stuff and we're kind of like reminiscent but also being excited about the future and things like that. I was like, I mean, you only really do that with your boys.

Like you think back on times back inddle school in high school and you're having no sleepovers, everybody's asleep, you're staying up late watching stuff. I was like, the wife's gone, my wife's back home, the kids are put down, it's just me and you.

And I was like, and we never really had a we weren't friends in high school. And I was like, we're getting to experience all this, like we're getting to like have a big like build moment of like growth. And I was like, I was like, you know, you just have stuff imprinted on your mind.

I was like, you go back to the rugs back when you play with the cars and you start like envisioning your life of what you want to be.

The rugs like in elementary school that had like the towns on it. Yeah, and then I had like the letters all around it, like a through z around the rug and it's like, yo, we both played on that, Yeah, but we didn't know each other. Yeah, well we were doing it. I go, I go dog like. I don't know how it came up, but the Brave little Toaster came to mind. I'm so glad you brought that up.

And I was like, dog, bring a little toaster. Tailor's like search and he's like, should we watch it? I was like, yeah, throw it on, like.

The first let's watch the first five minutes of this thing, and look you when we put it on, we're like, is this the movie? Yeah? I don't know, because at first we got to have He goes, I have a memor.

We've like kind of it seemed like a little like dark and ominous, and I was like, dog, me too.

Yes, I was like, that was truly brave.

Little Toaster was probably the first movie I watched like amongst a group, like at daycare school. Like your first movie, you kind of watch around people you don't really know, so you're kind of watching the movie and remembering how it kind of gives you that dark, ominous feeling.

It was, dude, we popped it on when legit, We're just like, it's crazy that.

Oh.

At one point, Will and I are probably sitting there watching this movie at the same time, not knowing each other, completely across the country, and now we're fucking here because I.

Said, the way you looked on something is burning the mustache and how you were thicker and stuff. I go, you remind me of some character off like, uh, you ever seen the Brave Brave Little Toaster?

Yes, And we were like, yo, we gotta put that on. And then low key in the background the movies just playing, we go get the goats, that big hug happened, and then we went into like a wormhole of like how wild it is, how present we are in this moment. Yeah, and it's like very rarely, Like at one point were like, we're not even thinking about how late it is, how we had to get up in the morning, we got kids,

That helped me out because I now I feel like I'm able to articulate some of this a little bit more.

No Yea.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm trying to say, Like I feel something, but I just don't.

I don't think I can put in the words. Yeah, and then we we legit got there. I forget what the conclusion was. Now we fucking got there, dude. We're like, Yo, this is one of those moments where like, uh, we get to sit here and like like we'll remember this, you remember that time at the house, like just hanging out because life it's like, literally, it's a core moment. It's a core. It's like a core, like the fucking movie Inside Out. Dude. Now we have one of those

And then we ended up in the kitchen eating all the Coldstone ice cream cake.

Wait, will fucked me over with my kids. Dude, it's literally like seven o'clock. Like, my kids they need to go down soon. They're hyped up and will I'm like, all right, guys, we gotta go to bed in five minutes. And this just f funny.

And a lot's been going on, like uh, Dylan and Ru's come over to get like sous because Taylor obviously he's lost weight. So he's like, you guys can like, uh can have yeah, y'all can take your pick of the suit.

So dinner and everything was getting pushed back. Your boy, I get.

Some ribbis going, you know, make some some potatoes, like making dinner and all that. So then if I'm fired, by the way, then it ultimately it's like it's me Charro rue Win Willow Taylor, and it.

Is like past Taylor's like want him to go down at like six forty five.

It's probably like seven to fifteen at this point, and I'm thinking, like, I still got that ice cream cake. We haven't saying Taylor happy birthday and stuff like that, and I know Taylors wanting to put him down, but I just think to myself and just make the decision myself. I'm like, man, we've got to sing Happy Birthday to Taylor, like nobody we haven't say happy birthday, not exactly what you said to me, but yeah, yeah, Like I know Taylor's gonna be pissed. I do this because he wants

But also this.

Is where like that cool fun uncle like a movie that you just do to your boy, Like I'm gonna do this to him.

So I go, I look in the fridge, I open it up. I go, but guys, we have ice cream cake. And then I was like, without before I can react, starts singing Happy birth Damn. We all started singing.

I was like, let's eat this, guys, and says like no, we gotta go to bed next to you know, Willow's just fucking like losing her fucking mind, cat blah blah and tails like Taylor's just like holding her looking at me.

It's like backing up. Yeah, like this you and I have to deal with this. It's my three year old, Like when you can negotiate with her, my three year old, Like negotiating with her is like she's so strong willed. Would I tell tell her face like You're gonna this is gonna make you so successful someday getting what you want. I'm so proud that this is here right now. It's a fucking issue, Like we had a problem. I had to deal and then she was overtired the next day

Taylor's birthday is uh, serving his teammates of suits, giving away his stuff to other people, and watching Will Compton highlights.

Yeah, I'm a giver, dude, I'm a giver. But I got a lot out of that as well. It was awesome. And it's so weird, like because we were having this conversation on Thursday or even Friday. It was Friday when I was trying to figure out. It was like hit me with like, hey, what are we doing for your birthday? Loki? My favorite part of a birthday is when somebody misses my birthday so I can be like, yo, you forgot.

Yeah, Taylor was giving me that speech, and I'm just sitting there like with a very like I don't believe you because he says that.

I was like, I was like, Taylor, you're You're definitely the type.

You've already explained like you want it either doesn't happen and then you have it over their head that they don't do it. So I'm truly genuinely asking you what are you trying to do? Because I know the like Taylor left on Saturday to go to Italy and I was like, I know, nothing's like playing, Like what are you feeling and trying to do? He's like, man, I kind of just want to chill. I was like, are you do you truly want to check? And he's like, yeah, I mean you want to come over and swim.

And then it was.

Like, you know, get the cake, get the steaks. You what do you want what's the birthday boy? Well, I was like, what's my little birthday boy? When I see your I was like, I got my haircut on Friday. And Alan was like a shout out the boy, Allen, and uh, culture cut Culture right, Culture Cut Culture Nashville.

I think it's okay.

And he was like, tailor's coming tomorrow two forty five. So then I'm texting tailor. I was like, hey, I see the birthday boy's gettinghimtuff a little haircut. I was like, what's he want to eat? I was like, you want smash burgers, you want steaks. He's like, if it's my pig steaks.

I was like, done, bro, I went to get that haircut at two forty five. I brought both my kids. It was funny as hell, like you could tell the people that didn't have kids. And like my oldest daughter literally found like the little when you get like your hair shampooed at the place to get your haircut, and she grabs a little handle and looks back at me, and I'm like, when no spirits her sister right in

JP shout out No free shout out goes to when you're traveling somewhere and you got to pull up the GPS and you see that yellow or maybe red traffic, and then you get to that spot you're like, man, this is really about to suck. But Apple hasn't updated their maps yet, and there actually is no traffic, so you just cruise right through. It's one of the best feelings ever, the great feeling of relief.

If you're on a road trip and it says hazard ahead, and then I literally it asked you, like, hey, is the hazard clear? Any think I'm not helping you out there. I'm not gonna press that, okay, but you just wait for the thing to go out. You're like, I just showed you with my work that it's not there anymore. I take a different approach. You pressed okay, Yeah, what a guy. You're here something there? Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that too.

But yeah, there's still I feel like I'm actually doing a service tape.

You're helping out with me, man.

Especially like if there's a cop one coming up. Cop one almost like a speed speed.

Thing going on, and you're like, let me try and find out for everybody else right.

Looking around, No, we're clear we're cleary clear.

That was a wild conversation too. That was a wild conversation. Uh who else got the shout enough for a shout out?

I have one and it goes along with iPhones and correct me if I someone has used this. I don't think they have, but I'm shouting out the greatest Apple feature that's ever been created. And it is when you get a verification code and you have to type it in on a different app, and it suggests the code so you don't have to copy and paste it. It just immediately there and just that little bit of convenience sometimes safety from just going over the edge the shout out to the best Apple feature.

I don't know what it's called, but I think we all know what I'm talking about.

Yeah. Absolutely, that is a nice little deal. It is nice. I was sitting on my computer this weekend and I'm fucking going through all the my emails and the passwords and stuff like that. I'm like, I barely know my passwords. But when you would get the autofill, I go to log into like YouTube or Twitter, Instagram, any of that shit, and it goes autofill for this email address and you just press It's kind of like the same thing. You're like, thank god, bro, cause I was literally about to fuck

I get so scared. I'm like, there's no way I'll ever remember this unless I'm just on my phone. It's like I always feel like I'm in some high some high stress alert situation where I'm trying to like hack into something or somebody's gonna kill you, and I'm like, I'm not gonna be able to find this, So you know, I choose my own Hell yeah, dog, That's always been a thought of mine.

I'm like, man, dude, people use these because these are fucking crazy, a bunch of shit. There's no way you have to put on a sticky note, lo key, you should put it on your phone. But then it's like that defeats the purpose of the thing though.

I feel like it saves your phone, But if you happen to be again on a computer, like trying to get out of something, You're not gonna remember it.

I'm with you, I'm with you, Yeah, Mitchie shout out for shout.

Up, I shout I know if for your shout out this week again, correct me if I'm wrong. I don't know if anybody's used it. It's just going for a drive, just driving around, just driving around town, especially in a new city, not that I'm like new here anymore, but like still kind of exploring around different areas, just putting your music on, putting your windows down, little just road therapy, just letting your thoughts be your thoughts, and just kind of put your hand out the window, let your hand.

Like ride and stuff. Just let the air take you.

Yeah, and just kind of put on some music, just turn it up a little bit and just vibe for a little bit and just enjoy your time by yourself, just driving around.

It's a solid shouting for shoutout. Do you have one this week? I do have one this week? Yeah, right. My shout out, no free shoutout.

Was going to go to the people at PLL for having my brother and I in Louisville this weekend.

It's a pretty cool experience. Never really seen like that high level.

Of competition like in person, especially being from Tennessee, so that was cool to experience. They were great, good hosts. Got to watch it all on the field. Yeah, it was a good time. Shout out.

Then when you were watching the pl did you think I can get out there and do that? No problem? It is funny because you do think, like, I mean, they're not that much bigger than us. Yeah, but they're definitely like their skill is just like handles like crazy.

Handles are crazy and for an All Star game, you know, they're always like fucking around, so some of the like skip passes and shit like that are just like no lookers.

It's it was impressive.

There's a there's a skill competition and the fastest shot was like one hundred and twenty one miles an hour and that seeing that like that close was like, I would never play goalie.

Do you ever scrape three digits? No? No, no shot No. I think I touched ninety like once. What a feeling that was, I bet. Yeah, it was pretty cool at the shotow for not knowing anything about the PLO, that's a solid shot. It was good. It was a good time, good event. Willie oh Yo Miiko, Yeah, you go ahead. My shout of no free shadow goes to we're obviously

Somebody behind too. Like once your attention you kind of do the longer slow turn. Yeah, sitting a little half time?

What's up? Man to my neck like that? But yeah, that's my shout out, no for shout out. I had a couple questions because I'm nervous that these have been used before. We'll just do it. Have has leftovers been shouted out? Absolutely? Oh it was you too? Really, I'm not, I'm not. I legitimately think it was you. Sandwiches had leftovers? Have like when you don't have nothing and you open that phrase and you got that oh ship, I forgot about this?

Sure?

How about movies on TV? Hotel movies? What was the shout out? Gee?

I was when.

The rules appreciate that.

Mine was when you're flipping through channels and you catch a movie on TV at the beginning.

You know what I'm talking about. Okay, what do you got?

Mine was gonna be on the TV one because again I have another one that I had done over the weekend, but mine was gonna be on the movie aspect, the movie front is like when you just you PLoP down on the couch, you're just mindlessly watching TV. Don't really know what you want to watch, but that there's just a movie on or a show on that helps make that selection for you that you're kind of fired up about.

I'm not really feeling I'm not feeling this.

But when you see that movie, you're like, man, I've seen this in a minute, Like, let's fucking watch this. There might only be thirty minutes left, but you're gonna enjoy that next thirty minutes because the TV decided for you.

I think that's a great one, all right, But I have a question to follow that up. Go ahead, have you watched Troy yet?

No?

That's tough, that's I know. I was hoping that was gonna be the movie. Yeah, movie too that uh, that's low key a shout out for another day.

But I have not watched Troy and that this does seem like a movie that needs to be kind of like like a core value in my life.

That's one of the subject of movies. Have Has anybody seen Oppenheimer yet? No? I keep seeing being talked about. Is it like that? I see my guy from Beata Bonders, and I saw something that said, this might be the best movie the year by far, and it might be the best one of the better movies so far up the century Oppenheimer. Yes, no, No, that's something I saw. How did you see Oppenheimer? It'imer Openheimer Openheimer. But yeah,

The first atomic bomb?

How it makes? I know of the movie already?

That nation?

Apparently when the bomb goes off in the movie, it is the las I mean that's not like a spoiler, that's history. But when it does, it's the loudest the the the actricals. Yeah, theatrical experience in history. Like it is the loudest moment in a movie that you can experience. Thus far, people are saying, like, if you have seen the Imax, which Nashville one of nineteen true IMAX theaters in the whole country, we are lucky enough to have it.

I see you just dropping it. I do a little field trip as the before, like Willie goes to Italy and stuff.

Well, the thing is, it's the double feature people are people are trying to do the Barbenheimer, which they've been calling it, which is you see barbieing Oppenheimer in the same day, and it's like six hours of cinema. So and on two different spectrums, but I've heard great things about both.

Yag A back to back movie is the fucking best back to back. I probably told this story before. My mom would randomly take me out of school, sometimes in like elementary school or middle school, to be, hey, we're having a mental health day, and I'd we'd rip over and we'd go into a theater, finding Nemo or whatever it was, and there'd be like another showing to whatever movie. Mom be like, we can just sneak into that one, can't we And she would like, literally take me in there.

Craziest fact about the Oppenheimer movie Ice be a camp counselor, and one of my kids in my cabin was like their middle school age and his great granddad was the pilot of the plane dropped the bomb. And I don't know how true this is. The kid was eleven years old at the time, but the family like doesn't know. He definitely doesn't know much about him because he kind of like fell off after that. But apparently he didn't

You almost don't want the pals to know a kind of decision like that because then the like the human element can get in like, man, should I be doing this?

Apparently?

Friend?

Yeah, the reason they really dropped it is as more of like a test.

We had already come to a conclusion with Japan, and they were were supposed to drop it on Russia during like I can't remember, and then that's like settled out, and then.

They just dropped it on Hiroshima.

And the main part is, I forget the scientist who plays Killian Murphy in the movie, or Killy Murphy plays him. He'd like he was pushing so hard to drop it just because he spent like his whole life revolutionizing like the biggest war machine of all time. There we have to use it and then it like basically obliterated an entire generation of people and cause a lot of bad things to our environment in Japan.

But god, you need to see it. Apparently, it's it'll rattle you.

Your history kind of fucks, dude, history does fuck. I mean, it depends on what side of history you're on. I'm sure if you're in Hiroshima in the early forties, that's not a dope history lesson. But history is fucking wild. Yeah, I'm watching The Last Kingdom right now. I'm sure it's all fiction. Noises you are out there just riding horses and shit and ripping around about the word of mouth too, the forming of England. Yeah, but I think it's just crazy.

I know?

But should we do the twisted question? Yeah? I thought the twisted question was for Cigura. No, no, no, twist the question? We have the twist question? Or yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the twisted question. That's on me, dude. Let's talk about we're twisted right now. Yeah, Twisted Kings were the twisted Kings, And this is the twisted question dude, by Boston Beer Company. I'll take it will all right. Twist the tea is refreshing, hard iced tea made with real

The question is also brought to you by my friend John Pettitt asked me this this weekend. Okay, but the question is, would you rather have the superpower to run every red light or you have the front row parking spot in any crowded parking lot wherever you go to you driving that parking lot, somebody pulls out, It's a given every time, assuming zero no accidents with the red lights, the red light stuff.

You're not drinking and driving either, Yes, you have drink responsible Yeah, yeah, smart jack. That's next level thinking. Do you want to go first? Let me go first, Go ahead. I think the answer is very simple here. You talk about how many times you get into a crowded parking lot and you're sitting there and you're wondering, what, man, what the fuck's going on? I don't mind a couple extra steps during the day. I don't track them, but

Light m.

I disagree. Mine is going to be parking spots.

I you know, especially if you're at an arena, you're you're at a big event, anything like that, a game, whatever the case may be. You get that front row parking spot at absolutely everything everywhere you go. I'm taking that every now and then. I don't mind those extra shefs. But if I just get to mitigate that and get the freaking front row parking spot, I'm taking that. I feel like with the red light, I don't mind stopping every now and then. I think, uh, I think we've

I think if you're looking at efficiency in life, you want to have patience. Brother, go sitting on the couch and enjoy yourself for a second. You're gonna get there a whole lot faster with the red light. You brought up big arenas. You talked about big events, not a whole lot like Brother, you put yourself in a position where most of the big events you go. So you're getting that, you know, through the hallway, entrance, back door, under tunnels type shit, where you're getting there real fast.

I would love to pull up front and center as far as the car ride, getting the places faster. I don't mind a little extra conversation in the vehicle if you have people there, I don't mind, you know, getting on a phone call and you're catching up with somebody, catching up with your old man, people that you haven't seen in a long time.

You get that little extra time on the road a little bit. I think I appreciate that a lot.

And then if you're going home to negotiate with a three year old terrorists, you have a little bit more time to prepare, get your wear withal about you figure out, Hey, what's happening at the house right now? What do I need to be ready to come into That's where you fucked up.

Brother. You don't have time to prepare for a three year old terrorists. Those things come up. I'm not thinking to myself, Oh, my best friend's going to bring up ice cream cake three minutes before bedtime. I got to prepare for this situation. Those are things with three year olds. There's you're just in there and they're going to be strong headed and getting after you. It comes up on you like that. You got to be ready at all times.

To which I think I would enjoy my solitude a little bit more on the right home, Get a little bit more me time.

Before I have to go home. When you go home, just have a little more me time. Parking spot boys in the back? How we how do we feel about it? Oh? Yeah, where are you guys? At? Are we going to take a boat? Who stay with? Yeah? What do you stand with? Or maybe there's a wrinkle that hasn't been said?

Yeah, well I stand with will because your exact explanation about the patience is exactly what I told my friend Pettit when he asked me about it. I'm with that, and I'm just going to those events way more like you're talking about how much time would the red light save of your day?

Like how often are you driving per day?

Lion going to a concert or a sporting of them?

Guess what you got that front row? You got that that spot. I'm saying, like you're the red lights.

You've saved like five minutes a light last forty five seconds drive.

So for me to hearing back, that's five minutes both ways.

No no, no, no, no, no no no.

You know the traffic over here with this little light and people not pulling up to turn.

Left, and it's two minutes. But listen, you have to get to the red light to run it. You don't get to miss all the traffic. This isn't a track.

I'm bobbing and weaving on them now. I know, no matter what I can get past this red light, I might pull over. I might go London on them bitches and go all the way to the left and then cruise back over the right. Because it ain't nothing gonna happen. You guys already put that insurance policy in for me. It's too short sighted talking about arenas and big events and stuff like that every single day. The more you explain, the better I feel about mine. Hey, I love that, JP,

I'm with you, Taylor.

You can go.

You're in a car driving going through red lights, so much more in your life than you are going to events.

And and I get the grocery store thing.

I'm talking everywhere. I don't care if it's a week.

It feels like parking would come into play. Is at like going to a Titans.

Game or something at an arena where there's a mass amount of parking When you're at the grocery store. Very rarely, if ever, have I gone there and not been able to get a parking spot. Nor have I ever thought like, wow, this walk is going to really set me back some time.

So the world of trying to make the extra textor call like hey where do I park here? I'm here, No matter where you're at, no matter where you're at, not, it's not it's not a question.

You got the front Road brought up a statement, dude, no matter where you're at, do you call people when you go to Trader Joe's That you do once a week, every single week, And you know, no Trader Joe's is a bitch ass parking lot too, Like they need to figure their shit out there. But you're not calling being like, yo, where do I go? Like we're truly just talking about events. No, it could say you could be in the park just way five minutes, as if I do just one trip

When's the last time you went to the grocery store four days ago?

I wasn't there four days ago. Heyd asked me that same question last night, and it pissed me off. I was like, dude, I go to the grocery store. You don't go to the grocery I do.

Get over there.

I get over there. I get over there, I get over there. I'll go to that Whole Foods in Green Hills next time you go to the grocery store. We need a selfie posted done, all right, expect one today after we're done with this fucking pod. I mean there And also, dude, a little hack, a little hack for the grocery store because I'm there so much. Get you especially if you're at Whole Foods. Let's say it's in the morning time, like is when I like to go

There.

Where are you at? Dude?

Man, I think it's tough, but I think I gotta go with the parking spot. You talk about all the places that you're going and running the lights. When you're going somewhere, you gotta park your car, So why not park it in the first spot, closest spot to the door, so I hear both sides, but also just leave a little bit earlier.

Not being a rush to have to run lights. So parking spot, that's so good. Go ahead, go ahead, make just gladiator land. Dude, I'm not entirely sure what side I sit on. You better pick a side, brother, you gotta pick one, I admit it. Well, literally, we'll let's do something. We'll come back to you if you want to do it.

Like it's because I I'm one where I don't mind sitting at lights, but I also don't mind walking music. Yeah, I mean, like I think I think a conversation. I think I'm gonna go with will like I'm I don't mind waiting at lights like it is what it is, like, I don't, I just really don't care.

Like I forgot how dumb. This whole entire bus is besides Jack like that's wild but thinking by you guys, I mean no offense, but.

Just lets you listen to your song longer, your podcast longer, if you're on the phone with your your parents or somebody, just just to catch up, like yeah, for a super patient guys.

Today today is.

The two people that are badly for running lights are the most impatient people patient?

Patient? What do you mean when? What have you seen me?

Not?

Patient? What have you see me? I'll see tomorrow. When do you see me fucking get all like a fuck because of anything? What you see me mad? Running a light? Yeah, because it's just gotta a look faster with the light thing. Here we go, you know, he know, I'll just I'll go to JP and will When the whole flight thing happened at JFK, you see me flinch when we were sitting there at the baggage claim and they're like, you're going to miss this direct flight? Did you guys see

I look, I know, I like in life, you're a patient person. Like I haven't seen you explode like crazy or anything. But this is different driving you are. It is chaos when you're driving. I think, to Gart's point, you, you and Jack have similar personalities, so like y'all two are more similar, so y'all would have that same belief and it's.

There's nothing wrong with either one all the square, dude. And look, it could be it could be four to two right now.

It could be eighty to twenty when the vote goes up, the poll goes up on Twitter, it could be Yeah, no, it could go at anything.

I'm gonna catch the back end and I'm gonna take the shorten of the stick on the pole. I'm usually not the victor in the pole area. I was the minority.

That is, you think it's a personal thing, or you think at some point you're gonna like be like, maybe I'm just I'm on the wrong side of.

History, the most out of history. This is where we're making up history right now.

Maybe you're viewing the results too early on not being patient enough and waiting until the end to see.

Like, I see what you did there, dude. Let me tell you, dude, in life, there's two. Two is always better. A double play is always more exciting than a single play, and encore is always better than a band leaving early, and sport Clips haircut can now get twice the relaxation during the Ultimate MVP Relax and Repeat Event for a limited time. The Ultimate MVP Haircut experience costs the same as the MVP. That means that for a month, the

It's okay, it's okay, all right, y'all want to move on to tear talk?

That was me? Maybe that was me? Brother? All right, I am a little flustered right now. I'm getting impatient with the situation with you around. I'm sucking around.

We can it doesn't matter.

I know that.

What are we doing for tear talk to in turn.

Of uniforms for the NFL? Yeah, what you got? We got some right? Yeah, this is the tear talk.

Oh nay, nay.

Now, let's fucking go.

We are back.

Talk?

Are you you can't you owe me on the podcast? I need my job.

We're live.

I know you need to. You need to have these as every day every week.

We got two games coming up.

We're rnnounce to that a couple of days. You got guess what what games will be? Houston and Houston.

Houston Aday night game.

We're just talking them out tomorrow host one of them at home. God God aflects on Houston. Same dude, let's fucking go shout out the boy band man, Yo, that is high summer Summer Fridays are things of the past.

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These are tight.

Now.

I do want to say this shout out Nate Bane, but I did tell Joey like a couple of days before I got cut, I need one of those jerseys in seventy seven to one game day edition cut the same way and everything he did promise, this is a nice gift. This does not get you out of that, Joey, I'm gonna need that. These are the best uniforms. I think tear talks. Who the tear talk is well, tier talk is best alternate uniforms in the NFL.

Who is that?

Nate? Yeah? What are you? What's so funny? I don't even know how to explain it, but I guess I'm so used to see you with I'm getting the giggle something. I used to see you with hair and so with the hat and the jersey, I look ridiculous. You just look like the ultimate fan. Hell yeah, because I am, dude, I am now. Tear Talk is the alternate jerseys. I would like to We just gotta get a vote or is this God teer gotta be gotta be We got it all in favor? I know Garrett and Jack Willie.

Whoa is it?

God's here? Do you agree? Yeah? Yeah, okay, you said, I like I thought he was about to make a big announcement. No, no, I like all in favor. Ah yeah, okay, all in favor, Ah, all.

Right, god teer god tier best unis, alternative uniforms, the Titans, the Oilers, whatever you want to call it, Tennessee Oilers, the Tennessee Oilers.

Hell yeah, they gotta go to this like full time. They gotta say, hey, that was a fun five years of having the old Titans uniforms. They need to change their name to the Tennessee Oilers and start repping these bad boys all the time. Dude, Man, that would be

There's six different units that have dropped the Titans, the Seahawks, Buccaneers, Vikings, Colts, and Browns.

Let's rank. I think we need to rank all of them. You want to go all six? Yeah? I think you just need to do it. Actually, let me because you've probably seen photos of each one sick. So that one's like a Seahawks. That one's a close one.

Bro, Jets Lions is Philly coming out one?

Gody?

I know, man, I wish they I wish they all drop. Those ones will be sick. Washington, Washington's got to do a Redskins one.

Yeah, Broncos are releasing one tomorrow.

They have to. Hey, the Broncos ones are going to be sick. We go back to that orange with that classic Bronco on top. Oh you talking about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Bro, those will be sick. It'll be hard once they all come out. We'll have to do a ranking. I will say, dude, of all the upsetting things about getting cut and stuff like that, this might be number one and not be able to play a game with this fucking uniform on, with this uniform and the visor. Ah, man, that ship

I'm yeah, I'm solid, I'm ready to roll. I can't like I can work through these. Hang on, go up to the Uh down to the Eagle.

One. It's not officially released. It's gonna be nasty, dude, So let me just say one more time. Titans, Bucks, Seahawks, Jets, Lions, Minnesota Colts, Browns. That's what we got right now. Know that's eight. Okay. I think I'm ready. I think I'm ready from the little piece they just got. Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready, all right. So one across the board is Titans.

My two.

Okay, so God's here, Titans. My one is gonna go to the Buccaneers. That orange that creams to cole whatever the fuck it's called. That shit goes so hard, the Pirate on the side, that's fucking dope.

My two.

Is going to go to the Seahawks and the Classics. I think they look awesome. I love how the Seahawks have been able to do like all the neon and stuff like that and make it actually work because it's such like a flashy color for an NFL team. But the Classics, dude, those are so sick to me. And my three is gonna go to Minnesota, the Minnesota Helmets, the classic like the purple people eaters that brings you

It's like all gray, Yeah, this is all release, all right.

The Lions is not going to be in there right now. Then these four, I'm gonna go honorable mention. So number four for me is gonna be the Jets. The next one is gonna be it kinda These next three to me are kind of like whatever because you're you're doing so much history with the ones I just said, and that is just a cool feel because it truly brings you back to your childhood. I want to see the Broncos ones. I want to see the Eagles ones. But I'll go just of like, but I think looks cool.

Right, solid, always, solid, nice, perfect, That's exactly what my Those are all my exact thoughts too.

I think Colts and Lions are very close.

It seems like the Lions are doing the all grays, which I think is so gay when you do an all gray uniform, especially with the Lions color blue too, I just don't feel like it pops that well. It's kind of like pick your poison between them, like a like a Colt's blue and black or the like the Lions blue and gray, and.

The Colts just edged out on, you know, being not the fucking suckiest, because I think the Colts suck too. Yeah, the colt ones look kind of cool, like I don't know, because I do like like the Titans uniforms when they go all blue. I think that looks really good. And then the Titans uniforms when they're all white with the

Yeah, we're talking probably one A one B type situation because the Buccaneers one does fuck hard.

The best part about the Tennessee Oilers uniforms is it just pisses people off in Houston. That fucking debate of like we own this, that's not not the Tennessee thing. That to me puts it over the top, like they're dope ass uniforms. But then to take one of your biggest rivals and kind of give them the bird. That's fucking dope, and you signed. That's a good point, Garrett.

I think another one you need to look out for, because I think they released what the helmet's going to be right down in Atlanta, bring the red helmets back.

Falcons are going to be sick too. But you gotta go like old school, like when you go the Alts. Gotta go to the old school. Yeah, too many rules except for the Packers. Those old schools fucking sucked. Is that the fucking Steelers ones too? Yeah? Those whatever umble bees? Yeah, man, those kind of those suck. But as a player, if you play for the Steelers, like you do, want to play a game in those just to fucking have it, Yeah,

People are always upset about the well not everyone, but some people are upset about the intros, like, oh, we just want to get to the interview.

Where's Tom Yeah, Like you.

Can't fast forward to the interview?

Grow up? Yeah, and you can literally go in the information and be like, interview starts at this number and you click it and then it's there, right, yes.

So that can just be our universal pet peeve So that way we can just boom, we hit the pep are getting Universe pet peeve?

Also not getting to the episode yeal terrorists. It's also when I just want to put that in there, a little side dish the week. But everybody complaining you did not win, huh.

The people complaining about us not getting to the interview, they didn't win this right right right?

Battle acknowledging like we'll do this one pet peeve because we do have Thompson girl on and he was phenomenal was great.

Everybody's gonna love it, and a lot of people, one person in particular was like, he kind of doesn't say a whole lot. You kind of got to warm them up a little bit from the from the get go, he was fucking on. It was a great podcast on a let's fucking hit this out and then rip Yeah, hey, your eyes are popping with that blue on. Oh that fars me up. Yeah, that had to keep it for you for sure. I will. I will take that to your shirt backwards.

Yeah, you know how people would do it back in the day, the route that backwards Jersey people would Yeah, I don't remember that.

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Back to the episode, all right, boys, we are in barstool HQ. Everybody's taking the week off, not us. Finally track down the tom. Sirgirl, we talked to you on FaceTime while you're shooting Two Bears, One Cave one day back in March. I believe we did. I think we've been on text threads. I saw you at the Machine premiere.

It's been a whole thing and I thought I was gonna do press run leading up to the fourth and I was like, I think could probably do like a stop in Nashville, and then they moved it to this week and I was like, and then you guys said you're gonna be here.

I was like, fuck, yeah, well yeah, we had we had to pivot because we're fans. We are massive fans. Oh thank you and uh. When Taylor and I was going back and.

Forth, I was like, it doesn't sound I was like, I was texting with your guy or you. We were in that group channel, like it sounds like he might be coming through Nashville still, but the people in the bar solo.

So I was like, I think he's just doing New York. Then we found out you're doing New York. It's like, hey, we gotta we got to get out to New York too. We usually come out here a lot anyway, so Nice is an easy little deal. It's the fun. It's a fun stop, right it is. Usually when we come here, it's like we take the same flight we did this morning. We you know, five am, cruise, get here at nine and then we spend all day here and they take

I have the thing though where I like, I don't know, man, I I don't have to live in a city like this, but I have to be able to go to it like fairly.

Regularly to kind of feel alive in a way. I need cities. We were having that conversation on the flight, like growing up in small towns, like you always think when you leave, like he went to Nebraska to Michigan, You're like, some day I'm gonna be back in that small town. Some day IM gonna be back. And there I went back recently, and I remember sitting there going, brother, if I came back here and just lived here, I

No?

No, no, But it's more of like a it's a cool city. It's a it's a cool city. However, like I remember playing and then seeing dudes come be like, yeah, I played here, back in the eighties and stuff like that. I would think to myself, man, like go do something. Sure, don't let that be the identity, but you would. It's also like that's that person, and and like they're them choosing to be like that's who I like, hoping that that gets them.

But you'd be going there if you wanted to to live life, is what I'm saying, you know what I mean, Like you wouldn't be like, hey, remember.

Me, you know, I'd be in Lincoln and where in my Jersey still remember I got the best tour of the facilities there. Oh really, dude, that fires me up. Don't they roll out the red carpet there?

Man?

It was awesome. I saw this week. I was like, hey, they take a carry and they're like, oh, bro, they are the best.

It's one of my funt because I'm I love college football. Like I love college football. I think it's all based on like kind of like your household growing up, you know what I mean. Like kids who guys who are like I love baseball, It's like, yeah, your dad loved baseball, right, Like that's kind of like what they were exposed to.

So my dad loved college football. So we were college football. There's a team as this Ambulance or this fire Truck podcast in New York, New York. Yeah, someone just got shot in the head right now, there's a strike going on, protest marchpening. What was your what was your squad growing up? Or so it there's a little bit of like move.

I moved a lot as a kid, but I basically became super hardcore FSU fan. But I'm like think about it, like I'm I'm born in seventy nine, so like in the eighties is when I'm watching the game and like kind of understanding what I'm watching.

And then we moved the Florida.

So if you moved to Florida at the height of in the nineties, you're gonna pick one of the Big three at the time.

And so I was just like big FSU fan.

It's funny because I was thinking about this, how when you hang out with like we talked to like pro players, sometimes they talk to you like you could have too. Like aj Hawk was at my house and we were talking about he knows I'm a big fan, and I was I love like hearing like recruiting story, like how'd you pick? You know, what was it like what was the transition? Like, he's like, why didn't you uh, why didn't you play at FSU?

And I was like what He's like, such a footballing Yeah. I was like what. He goes, why didn't you play there? And I go in the late nineteen nineties and he's like, yeah, you.

Could have played there. I was like, what are you talking about? Who would I have fucking backed up Corey Simon? Like what are you talking about?

Man?

He's like, he's like, you could have played there.

I was like, I couldn't have fucking watched their jerseys they would have Like he's like, I go, you, I think you're thinking, could you have played there? You could have played there. I couldn't have fucking it wouldn't have let me try out for the team there.

Did you play ball growing up? I played in high school? He's like, you played.

Yeah?

I mean I was.

I was decent. I was, you know, I was started. I played both ways, but I wasn't like. I got recruited by D two schools and a couple of D threes. I was gonna play and I one of the coaches called me the week before camp in August. This is what would have been my freshman year and he was we're excited to see you. This is like a small school in Virginia.

And I was like what. He's like, you're you all ready for tomorrow. I was like, I'm not coming to school there. He was like what. I was like, oh, yeah, you guys called in like June and said that I had to take a math class to go to school there.

So I didn't take that class. He was like, you're not coming tomorrow. Like, he's like, camp starts tomorrow. I was like, you no going a different school. He was like what the fuck?

Man? I was like, nobody told you. He was like no, So he hung up the phone. He's like whatever. Yeah.

He was like, I guess we don't have a center. So you played college ball. He almost played college and you said you went to another school.

Okay, okay, not not, but not for playing that. That is a D two story though, because like, I don't know how it was for you, well when you did. I got there like June, my freshman year before like going into my freshman right, Yeah, you get there a couple of months before and then you take a sh out senior class or not senior summer class. Yeah, you take summer classes, like you your first couple of credits and dip the toe in before you really hit the full schedule in the fall.

Because it's like the football players and the Asians all take a summer class.

Yeah, there's no doubt about it. There's du college football is. I love that atmosphere, dude. I just watched a video last night they had.

It was one of those college like I follow like a couple accounts, and they were recapping the ten loudest moments of last season. It was just like random games and watching the slides of the ten loudest moments, I got goosebumps, Like I was like, oh, like games, I don't even give a fuck about just hearing, like because the pandemonium at those games is so different like NFL is.

You can't yeh college Like if you get the fans, they like to have chance and they do stuff in the fourth quarter, and then it's it is a totally different scene.

I'll go to all of them too, Like people like, yeah, I grew up a f but like every time we're on tour, if we're in a college town, I always like tell my tour manas call that fucking school, see if we can do a tour.

I love the tour. I don't give a fuck if it's sec big ten big.

I just love being around and like I just like coaches and like, you know, even like the equipment guys. They are always like so fired up about they're the best, dude, and they fucking they're like all right, you know they give you the tour. They're like these are the jerseys, and like give me that ship, take all the gloves, We take it all. Hell yeah, we all get oh fuck yeah, would do like.

The recruiting photos and ship too, like you should, oh dude.

Yeahs the craziest thing because I was in Buffalo and I got like a tour of the Bills place and they have like they did a new they're going to do a new stadium, but they have a newer facility. So for like you know, it's an NFL's like it is nice, right, it's like pretty modern. They're showing us all those shit and they're going like this is pretty impressive. We go to Baton Rouge and we're like, what is happening. I mean, it was like Jeff Bezos's like version, He's like,

Best facilities I think we've ever seen.

We were out there in the spring doing our Spring tour and we got the you painting that picture, like especially when you get through the sliding doors and locks are.

Unreal, right, and you imagine like you're eighteen and you're like, uh, imagine going to Oregon, like we we were nine graduating and that was when like Oregon was at the top of their game. New uniforms every single week, new uniform styles, Nike. They're putting everything in there, and you see the facilities. College facilities are so much different than NFL the I.

Mean I kind of go like, for especially for the guys that are like literally going from one to the next party, You've got to be like, the fuck.

Is this dude? Yeah, but the money goes into the players in the NFL. Yeah, college's all right. Yeah. The funny thing about Baton Rouge and I love Louisiana, but if you go on campus at LSU, you're like, this is maybe the nicest place I've ever been in my life. Like, the campus is beautiful. All the buildings are the same color, the all the plants are perfectly organized. You step one foot off that campus and you're like, where the fuck did I know? Yeah? It is a truly drawn well.

My little sister went to Ole Miss And when you're in Oxford, it feels like a like a movie set of a college town. Like when you're in and around campus, you're like, this feels like make believe. Like you feel like they're gonna like, all right, cut and they're gonna move the fucking wall or something. But then you like drive out of Oxford and you're like, all right, we should fucking lock the doors.

This is kind of weird. Crazy man. What are some of the some of the best spots you've seen since you like to go on tour wherever you go?

I mean, honestly, like the the l s U thing was mine bending, you know, I got I got the Nebraska tour and I saw where uh and Domican's check went.

That was nice to have to build the uh the House of Spears, like that weight room, Yeah, the weight rooms. When did you go two years two years ago. I think, yeah, we were there at that time. I heard some cool stories about him about uh sue fuck yeah. They were like, no, he's fucking crazier than you think. Let's hear a couple. I don't even know if I should tell these stories. I could, I could possibly confirm or deny that it's like a real psychopath playing like you're like, this guy's crazy,

Yeah, we were.

We were having a lunch somewhere, and then when we were driving him to the airport, I built up I mustered up the courage to bring up him stomping on Aaron Rodgers. I was like, you're gonna so you were gonna say that the man upstairs is what happened, but you clearly stomped on twelve. And he was like, we can pull the car over now and I'll I'll stomp your hass out. But you know, that's just fun play. He's not psychopath.

No, no, not at all. That's just fun. It's just us being us, being dudes.

It was all all the stories I heard were like at abroad because obviously, like everybody's more aware of the NFL stuff on tape.

Yeah, hey, let's let's watch a compilation of Sue trying to kill people. You're like, this is fucking nuts, and like, for a guy that big, that strong, and that upset.

Bro and he never got tired in any of the workouts. It was truly on fucking real. And even when they say like at Tampa, because Sue went to Tampa to Miami, No, no, he also he also played Yeah he played at Miami too, but when.

He played for Tampa, coup multiple stops.

Great Miami Tampa, right right, But when he was at Tampa and I was talking to Levonte David, who is an unreal linebacker, but I was like, yo, what's that.

What's Sue like in the locker rooms now?

Because we're all kind of like around the same kind of generation, and he's like, like, Sue's one of the savviest businessmen, like in the NFL, like in between meetings, right after practice, in between all this stuff. He's like on conference calls, like handling meetings like Warren Buffett is like in his council.

It's insane. Like the dude is super impressive.

He had an engineering degree at Nebraska, but an absolute, to your point, an absolute psychle path on the field, Like we were at Baylor and he got a he got a penalty for tackling the.

Quarterback too hard.

This was before all the protecting the quarterback stuff count because he essentially like choke slam the Baylor quarterback.

It was insane.

O McCoy said he was puke a blood after the Big twelve championship because he there's a couple.

Of stories that I honestly would tell you. I'll tell you off. I really don't feel like I should tell you. There's the one that I think it's fun to tell that I heard when I was there, was like, how you know they do this thing? It's so fucking weird that when there's bowl games, they're like, why don't you guys like have dinner together the night before, like right like you're having like you're playing Texas in a bowl game.

They're like, how about both teams have dinner? Put you in a banquet hall the banquet competition what.

Yeah, even when you're watching it from you're like, why are they having dinner? And then like they're everybody's like a table away. So I guess when for the bowl game that year it was Nebraska. I forget who maybe Kansas is Kansas State or something we.

Played when SUSI Clemson and Arizona. Maybe Holiday Bowl. Yeah, so there's some bowl guy. Let's just say it's Arizona.

So then they go all right, and he's having his monster year right like like he's having a unstoppable He's getting every award. So they're at the like the ESPN people come to like dinner, and they're like, how's the chicken? And they're asking everybody stupid shit, and then they ask the center for like, let's say Arizona. They're like, oh, you have to face in Dominican Sue tomorrow and he's he's won every award for defensive Player of the Year.

How do you feel about that?

And he goes, I'm not that worried about it, and he said they when I heard the story they said that all the Nebraska guys they were right because they were all sitting together. They just went like like they just leaned forward and they're like, oh shit, and they saw Sue just like okay, like eat and they're they're like, we already knew, like right then that it was going to be a problem.

And he goes in the game. In the game, Sue picked him up like basically over his head and threw him headfirst down onto his head onto his the center and like he had a neck injury and left the game. I mean, I was like, godretty soon, Like it was all By the time I got in the league, Sue was out of Detroit and he was in Miami or whatever. We played Miami like two out of three years in Miami, and they're like, uh, there's all be always like older savvy off it's a lineman there, and they'd be like,

I've told the story before. I played in high school against Heath Evans. He was a fullback for like ten seasons in the NFL. He went to a really we played at small schools in Florida, and uh, I mean it was he was obviously different than like the average person you played against it in high school, You're like, what in the fuck. It's like hitting a bank door, you know, like like every time you're like, god, damn. I mean, he was just like he was built different.

Frustrate the shit out of you. Yeah, every time you're like what do you do? And then and he's actually he was religious, so he would say like God, like God bless and like do prayer stuff. And I was like, is this, Like are you fucking with me? My funniest thing we talk about, like religion in football, which is there so many religious guys, so many religious guys. But in the locker room after warm ups, they'll be rap music going on about eating, pushing, getting money and doing drugs.

And the NFL would never allow, like never allow this ship talking to air, Yeah, because they'll release you know, the miked up stuff, but it's all edited and cut. Yeah, that would be such a fucking dream. I always said I would pay it like a thousand dollars, like season pass. But oh, we can hear the guys on them be like, hey, I'm Gay's come suck the stick, and.

I'd be like the best money, the best bet money you've ever had. And there's some great ship talkers out there, I mean DJ Swearinger. We talk about him from Swagger game cocks, Like, what what was it?

Was it you telling the story about him during the out Back Bowl. Yeah, the out Back Bowl pre game and all.

That game, returners are catching footballs and he pushed one of the returners out of the way, caught one of our footballs and kicked it into the stands. This is that Tampa Bay Stadium for a bowl game, and he goes, this is my fucking house, Get the fuck out of here. And I'm in the locker room just warming up in this little white returner. Drew Dilio, Shout out, Drew Dilio. He comes in hot mad, and sure enough it was Swago. That dude was spoons swaggooent. Now, yeah, he was a

And it's how I mean, I think I think it is how the the stress of competition and what you're about to do affects everyone differently. So for some people to perform in in that environment, it's hey, shut down, don't say a word. For some it's like this, the the stress of it makes them chirp a lot. Some of them like I'm gonna stay pot like it's that's

Quite like right, not talk. They're like, my game does all my talk, you know what I mean. Yeah, it's like a Rex Burkhead, like when Rex was at Nebraska he's just a baller. But the dude was like, you know, just head down, yeah, hand the ball, the ref do his thing, and then when that guy does say something, it's so powerful. Yeah. Yeah, we had a gid.

Oh we had a kid in high school on our high school team who won the one hundred and two hundred meter.

Track state championship. This kid is legit fast as fuck.

I mean, he's the one hundred meter champion in Florida and he's our punt returner and corner.

He's five to seven.

He ended up playing at Citadel corner at Citadel, but like he's five seven, one hundred and sixty pounds and looks like a fucking like a bodybuilder, like.

A Tyreek Hill type.

Yeah, dude, Like and you're I mean, and you're in high school and you're like, this guy is fucking this is insane. Like his how talented he is and he was super religious, and they would he was a workhorse, Like he won games, you know what I mean, Like there's games we definitely would have lost that, Like he took a punt back kickoff just and people. You know, when we played teams with like those badass dudes would talk match it, and he would always always just hand

He's like, I was just you know, in the moment, apologize the game. Yeah, I spoke out during that drive.

I think it's insane how dudes can talk ship and play at a high level, because.

I'm thinking, like my conditioning can't take all that. Like I'm just trying to get back to the huddle relay the play. I'm thinking how these dudes just have so much responsibility as a linebacker with the green dot. Yeah, like and I you know, you just like subtle jokes out there. It's like, you know, I can't remember, but the first time we played, I know, like we tapped helmets. But if I'm like tapping a white guy out there on the ass. Hey, I can't believe we're out here,

I webbed him like Spider Man. He goes, who the fuck are you? What are you like third string? And I was like, hey, I worked for this spot, man, I worked for this spot. And then like during the time out, he comes over, he like task me on the helmet and he's like, hey man, I'm really sorry for saying that.

Like, I know you work hard. I know of this and that shit. It's all good, bro, It's all good. Yeah that is it?

Like, like, fuck, that's actually impressive to like, hey man, I respect you know what I mean absolutely if I hurt you in an emotional wed.

Yeah. The weirdest thing is playing against people that you've you grew up watching. Yeah, Like we played the Raiders my second or third year and Charles Woodson was there, and I remember we're like on a timeout. I'm like, hey, dude, like you're fucking awesome and it was so weird just to say and he's like, thanks, young bloodppreciate that.

All right.

Yeah, I'm like, I get the fuck out of here. Go back. You're like, how he's like forty two. You're like, you're like forty two years old. It's crazy. It's crazy.

Yeah, And like I don't know if that's like because you hear stories, but like are the stories about what some of the people said, They're like, yeah, he just like is that like he's not killing himself in the weight room or like he's just that's good everybody.

Yeah, was like an absolute you know, study. He was all about it, like the film room and everything else.

That's the thing that impresses me the most when I watch like these pieces on players, because you just as a as a spectator, you just go like, oh, this is like a super gifted athlete. We've seen like you see athletes and you're like, wow, this guy's so just blessed right with his like physical abilities. Is that when you hear how committed some people are to studying.

Shit, you're like, oh, that that's why they're great, Like they are gifted, right, But the dedication is other level. That's what keeps people in the league for a while too, is just the ability to play from the neck up and everything else because your body ends up breaking down, Like, yeah, you got to stay on top of your body and everything else. Oh, you gotta stay on top of your body and everything else. But that is like that's where the majority of the league, the guys that like stick

You have to be if you're not a starter, if you're not out there on the field, you have to be like just a dependable backup and somebody like in

Doesn't lead to like seven or eight at night and everything else, and you're just kind of like fascinated by it.

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Back to the episode, Tony Gonzalez told me this thing that I thought was such a cool, like little insight. So he played like what seventeen seasons a tight end. It's fucking insane. And he's like, you know, I'm asking him like that because he's like fine, Like he just walks around. You're like you're okay, and he's like, well, he goes. You know, I figured out that like if I caught a ball and I see the guy coming right here and I'm on the sideline, and I just like,

Did the ability to displace ego. That's a big displacement of Yeah. If you're a lot of guys are like I'm gonna try to show how hard I can run this, and then as you get older, you learn like, hey, this isn't forever. How can I make this as long as possible? Sounds like fucking did it? Yeah, dude.

I saw Stefan Diggs shoulder pads and they look like paper plates and I was like, how the fuck? And the guys like five seven or something and they're just like yeah. But like when he sees the guy, he just like scoots down.

I mean, remember, uh, what's his day? Is Michael Bennett the d tackle for the Seahawks or the d ND. Yeah, remember he basically the wore like nothing.

Yeah, he would come out there, there's like a one big shoulder pad and then a shoulder pather one here he cut those off and tuck his jersey in. Yeah, where the baggiest jersey and shit, yeah he.

Just Something I completely don't understand is like how you got like when you start watching and you know, like you play in high school and you're all pass it up and you see college and then you see NFL guys and you're like, are there no leg pads? Like doesn't everyone aren't everyone's legs fucking hurting? Like just just like just the pants on. You're like, there's no thigh pads anymore. It's like it's kind of the pads. Hippads kind of go away in college.

Yeah, away to college you have like the girdles or whatever. Yeah, and then you kind of just go to a girdle or something that can with like the most small pad just to see like you're just making sure you don't get in trouble, like you're wearing the right appropriate attire, and then eventually to stop like really wearing anything. That's really crazy though.

Yeah, it's crazy because you're you're you're shedding things as competition gets higher, and as everyone is bigger, faster and strong, you're like, yeah, I just fucking let it go.

But also a little bit more. You know, I know a lot of people.

It's like you want to wear you want to be like as light as possible because the game gets faster at every level and everything else. So you're trying to feel as free as possible while also like trying to be a little.

Bit protected this and I think it plays into looking better too, your pads. It's like, it's not all about looking good. It's not all about you know what I mean, you want to I mean you see the guys, we all got the socks low high. Yeah, little things on there, like they're like there are dudes in there hours before the game getting their little ship, right, the little black stuff. Yeah, oh yeah, they do a whole bunch of absolutely.

Anytime you get a comment like hey, come on, man, you gotta do a little bit better than that, you're just thinking.

Right, maybe the worst trip he gets all day. Like you're just like, man, they're kind of killing like you kind of want to look good. You want to look like you can do something. Yeah, like a dark visor. I wore a yes, the best looking, the best looking piece of attire in the those are tight and they used to have like in the nineties they had like the orange, like the reflective gold. Yeah, I know.

You see a linebacker over the middle like this and he looks like a he looks like a terminator or something. Right, like you just see gold, reflective sheen. You don't see eyes. You're like, oh, that's a badass look like that ship was just.

Picturing like a ray Lewis from my hand, Yes, dude, with the orange and then you see the little little ring go down with that linebacker face mask in the middle.

That really is swaggy like that.

Those teams were like I remember when I was when we were in high school. I went to the get taped up and I asked the there was a lady that taped us. I was like, will you give me the the Bruce Smith tape? You remember his tape? It would come over the hand like it was like a boxer's tape. So his hand was taped in addition to the wrist. It was like wrist and then here and she was like no. I was like, I was like, she's like for what I was like from a fucking hand.

Yeah. I was like, I was like Bruce Smith. She's like, you ain't Bruce Smith. I was like high schoo high school trainers are hilarious. Yeah, they're just like catching hours. Yeah. Yeah. They want to tape the minimal amount of people they possibly can, of course, but that day tape goes away too. In the NFL, tape does people some people as you get older. As I got older, at least I stopped

Do you remember everybody having tons of shit on? And then Reggie White just was like just put the jersey on like just nothing, no gloves, and then just take people and go.

I always think it's badass when you see the dude just have their like a like fingers taped.

Yeah, the fingers taped a little bit. I feel like I got half our guys with their hand in the dirt. I think that shit is lame. I'm thinking of like DB's Yeah, DB's got that looks hard, but like I do with this hand on the ground and he's got his knuckles in my bro, you ain't come on yeh, Like if you don't wear gloves, you're a psychopath to me, thought of hitting somebody without gloves on, yeah, yeah, kids, I couldn't do out here.

Can you imagine like he would just show up completely nothing and then take a like a three hundred and thirty pound guy with one with that hump move and go like this and you see the guy like just go falling by flying down like he'd launch a guy like ten yards.

There is nothing more embarrassing than getting put on the ground like that. It has to be right unless you just catch one in the throat. You get put on your ass and then they make the sack and you're just like, dude, I am nothing. What feels what feels worse.

Getting like having somebody stronger than you toss you or somebody so fast that they just are past you and you're like fuck that, Like they're they're back here and you're like what's just happened?

Waving on somebody is tough, But I feel like for me, I could always like in my mind back you get change these couple of things. There's no worse feeling than having another man's hands on you and not have you can't do anything about it. You can't do it, and you're just like I guess we're just gonna go where you want to go today. Wow. Yeah, that's a tough feeling. That's like the worst feeling actually ever.

So it has to be too for like an old lineman, like I just feel guys in the trenches because I know for me it's like you get out run or you get beat on your feet.

I'm thinking, god damn it, they were all right right, you know what I mean? Coaching over there, like we should have a fucking ring cover one with content in the game. But like if I get if I get bodied or something, you're kind of just like fuck on the way down. But yeah, you know, like Marshall Lenz, we always get got. Everyone gets got.

But I feel like as an old lineman, it's got to be the like a demoralizing thing, like you just get manhandled in the trenches and you're like, you're a guy in the trenches.

That has Yeah, when you stop playing football? When did you start comedy? When was that? Like? When did you do that? Was the path? Great transition. That's good. We've just been fucking talking. We've lowered it all I want to talk about.

I mean, so I I get to college, I realize, like, you know, I'm not. It's weird because it becomes like you have a more of it, Like, you know, it's like your identity. You're like, oh, people like what are you Like I play football in high school? You like, I'm a football player. That's what you think you are. And then you get to college and you're like, I'm not. I'm definitely like there's players going to team meetings. I'm like I'm ready to go, and like, oh, I.

Don't play football, And then you're just like, uh, I don't know.

I mean, I loved doing comedy, so I'm making like comedy videos, you know, but like it's not even for it. There's not it's not the Internet. It's not like like I want to share this video. It's like they're they're like, make a video for communications class. That's boring, Like do a do a video about like.

How how.

How the security works in the building, like you know, do it like shows that you can do like a transition shot. And then I would make mine like a comedic version of it, you know, And then they were like the teachers like the fuck is this right? Like because I was trying to make it funny, right, And then I the more you do that, the more you like.

I like this.

I like this right, So you're I keep making like comedy esque sketches, but like for assignments. And then when I finally get out of college, I get out in two thousand and one, I graduate and then yeah, in June of two thousand and one, and then I moved to La January two thousand and two, Like I actually I remember that I arrive in La January two thousand and two on the day that it's a it's a bowl game. It's Ohio State Miami is playing in that like a big time bowl game.

And then.

I start doing I start going to improv classes at the Groundlings, which is like this renowned place where a lot of SNL people have come from. I start doing that in like April of two thousand and two, and I have guys that are in the class that are like, you should try stand up. Like they're just telling me, like, you should try stand up, you would like stand up. I was like all right, because they did stand up, and then a couple of them were like.

Because I was like, what do you do?

Like, I mean, I've seen stand up, but like how do you start? So I kind of tail them. They're like, just watch me, I'm going to do spots tonight. So they go and do like a spot here, a spot there. I just follow them around and then one of them walks me into a place and like when they when the lady is like, oh, what's up to this guy? Nick, He's like this is Tom He's a comic. And I'm like what's up? And she's like, oh, do you want to do like I have like an opening next Saturday?

Like I've never written material or and so then it was just it was just on from like once I did it, it is that like addictive. Are you either going to be like I'm not doing that again or like I gotta do that again? And it was just like that. So that was two thousand and two, and then it was just a slow you know. I used to do like one spot.

Like every two months, and I'd be like, yeah, I've been doing stand like doing some stand up, thinking that that's a lot. I mean I used ton't know, like you have no kind of frame of reference for it, and the big clubs seem like so intimidating, so I would just do like smaller shows, you know, like someone would be like come to this ball into a show and I was. I was kind of like scared to go into the clubs. And then it just kind of just you know, slow progression like grew from there.

Yeah, when did it, like your first big break come with like breaking into the scene.

Well, I I mean one of my friends was actually working for Jay Moore and Jay and he recommended me to be an opener and Jay let me do some opening. So that was definitely a break because the improvs like that own so many clubs they before Jay. I was like, can I, you know, work here, and they gave me a showcase. I always tease the guy now when I whenever I see him. His name is Matt Coman.

I go.

I got upstate and I had a good set, Like you know, when you have there's no like you can be delusional. But I'm like, I know when I don't do well. And I did well, and I was like, what's up? He goes you definitely have something, like just keep at it. I was like, and that was it, Like he wouldn't get I was like, I have something and he was like, yeah, just keep at it. I'm

You can do spots.

So that was a that was a big deal because then I could work more regularly, get on stage more.

So that was one.

I did a couple of things on Comedy Central when people actually watched Comedy Central and like there was stand upon there.

Or whatever.

Yeah, that was I thought that was actually for some people that changed their careers. It was called Comedy Central Presents h and that was that was actually the goal, right, Like the goal was to get because everybody who you fucking admired had done Comedy Central Presents, So like I just kept I mean, that's all I wanted to do, So I did. I did one of their shows. It was called Live at Gotham. That was used to be called Premium Blend, and then they made a new version

So then you would submit.

What you do is you send in fucking tape or DVD shit. Yeah, and you'd be like, here's my thirty

I just didn't run well, I didn't. I threw up two twenty five eight times like this sucks.

Yeah, that happens to people. Yeah, and they're still good. And so that happens on these tapings where you're like, I hope this goes and it went well. I remember the lady that was producing it goes, this is gonna change your road life like touring.

I was like fuck it. I didn't.

I didn't want to like show too much emotion. I was like, fuck yuess And then they open the new season. It's still popular at the time. This is end of twenty going into twenty eleven. I'm like the featured like highlight new season of Comedy of Presents, and then it aired, and you know you see tweets and ship and you're like, fuck it are things like about to change?

Man? Ship didn't change at all, Like nothing changed. I mean got your hopes up a little bit. I mean you got to think you probably think this woman knows everything.

Yeah yeah, and she produced all the Carlin specials, so she's like she's like, I mean the real deal, you know, and she was like you know, she's like trying to like produce other things with me, and she's like, this is gonna you're gonna see like your life change. I was like, you're trying to just like not get too excited.

Like what the fuck? So they you know, you just keep going.

I remember like the big bump was that I think a club was paying me fifteen hundred a week to do six shows and they went to eighteen fifty and they're like see yeah, you're like, oh gay.

So you just keep doing that, and then I did. I did.

In twenty thirteen, I shot my first Netflix special, but it wasn't for Netflix. It was shot on spec, which means you pay to somebody pays for the production and then you have it and then they shop it. So they sent it to like Comedy Central. That's where that's where you wanted to be. People don't remember that's where you wanted to be a Comedy Central past They're like no, and then they send it to Showtime and they were like no, and HBO was like are you fucking out

Yeah, yeah, which is wild to think about now, yeah, because like that's where everybody wants to be now, is Netflix?

Right?

Oh yeah?

Because it's just like it's the eyeballs. I mean, this thing is always changing. We don't know what's going to happen in next year five. I mean, I'm sure the landscape will change. But for the last decade, it is Netflix.

Yah.

Netflix is where you want to be. And so when it when they told me we're going there, I was like, I was like, you mean the place you send DVDs to? Like, yeah, that's what it was. And it was a slow it is the thing. It wasn't like it came out and then there. I was like, oh shit, it was slow, Like it was like I do a club and they were like, you sold like some you sold some tickets this week.

I was like, oh really.

I wasn't even thinking about the special because it was like five months later and then all of a sudden, They're like, have you sold out the club? And I was like, for real that We weren't like it's the special. We were like how did that happen? And then it started to go like, oh, this special has gotten traction.

I was like, no way.

But it was very slow, and by the end of the year they were like, you're selling out every show at the club.

It was getting that kind of feedback like man, it's really starting to get around. It is fucking it's amazing. It is amazing, and you.

You know, it's like you don't want to boast, you don't want to go like fuck yeah, You're just kind of like is this for real?

Like you can't believe it's real.

You can't believe it's real because like it's so hard, you know, to grind, like you're just like working at it. And at the time, I mean, whatever, that's ten, i'ms thirty four thirty, Like you've been doing it for twelve years, and you're like, I don't know if it's ever gonna change much from this, And then to find like to sell out the clubs and you're like you just can't believe that people are out there and like full and they're just they want They're like they're like, I saw

Like, there's a real this is crazy, real money. It's crazy. Yeah, every level of it is crazy. But at first it seems like like monopoly money. You're like, this is what I used to make in a year, you know, like that, like for real, like a year. What a feeling? Yeah, what a fucking feeling that is. It's crazy. It is a crazy feeling. It's gotta be it.

And just hearing the you know, obviously you like love ball and everything else, and then talk about high school and they're like, damn you wanted to play in college and everything else.

So obviously that competitive nature and that fires.

Yeah, so when you are starting to sell out and start to get over the hump and everything else, like you can imagine the energy that he had when he's realizing, like, you know, it's starting to fucking happen.

Yeah, yeah, it was. It was. It's like it's beyond and I kind of you know, I know it because I've experienced it. Now. So when I see it happening for other comics, like, I'm very excited for them, Like I know what's happening right now. You know, is is

The guys that are whatever, like stand up, whatever, they're just insecure because like they don't realize that there's enough, there is enough room, Like, well, you.

Guys, there's a real there is roster spots. Yeah. Right, with what we do, there's no such thing as like if he's funny, you're done. Yeah, like you know, it's you're no longer funny. Yeah, it's not.

It's not like that, But I think some people don't realize that though, Like we can all work and do shows and sell tickets like it's not it's not really a threat to you. And I actually feel like great stand Like when I watch a stand up and they're like, legit really good, I don't go fuck. I'm like this is I get excited by it, Like I find it kind of inspiring, you know. I'm like, oh, this is all like really good stand up is exciting, and it makes me want to do stand up. It makes me

You know.

Shitty stand up makes me like want to go home, you know, go take a nap. Yeah, I'm like this sucks. I get anxiety. I want to leave the room. Like when I'm watching it, I'm like, oh fuck, and I just like I walk out of the room. But when they're good, I want to sit there and watch it like anybody else.

You know. Yeah, when you're when you're coming up and you've already found your voice, you found your kidence, you found your timing. How do you go and watch other comics that are making it and doing well, that have similar humor to you and not take their shit because it seems like a very difficult job to not, you know, snipe someone's joke and change it up a little bit.

Yeah, exactly, Like you know, you're something, you're like solid, I feel like and the thing that comes to myself in there, like growing up, like when I was, you know, getting like turning, like twelve thirteen, like Dane Cook was big and I love Dan Cook.

I thought it was awesome. But then as get older, more media, more podcasts come out, people are kind of hating on Dan Cook. I'm not asking you to do that, but people are saying Dane Cook stole from Lewis c K with the rolling of the rs and all this different stuff, like how do you not take that stuff? Was that ever a struggle for you? No?

I mean I think that there's just such a an established thing where it's usually when you see somebody who's like you, hear a great joke, you just go fuck that, Like God damn, I wish I would have thought of that, right, But it's like he did it, Like when you see it, you're just like that's done now, you know. Yeah, So it never occurs to you to go like how can I make that mine? You kind of just go like I need to fucking write more. I need to come

Yeah yeah, it would almost suck. Like I feel like if that it almost suck like you're doing your own thing. You don't really watch a whole lot, and then one of your jokes is similar to somebody else. Now I have people like, oh, you kind of and then you're just thinking I would assume that you're just thinking like, well, fuck, I didn't, I didn't know.

I'll tell you what I have said a few times.

I've seen somebody do a bit that's something similar to what I'm doing and I'm in the room, and I always tell them in that moment like, hey, just so you know, I have a bit very similar to what you're saying right now, because it's something that's not out, Like if it's out, then I'm just be like, oh, they're they're doing something similar to something I have out, so they're going to look like they're doing my bit.

But yeah, like the people, oh yeah, yeah, people will.

I mean I've I've had people tell me they're like, you're that bit is similar to SO and sos, and I'll be I'll look and either they're not similar, and you're like, that's not even remotely close.

There's just like we both have a bit about hats and you're like you stole his bit. I'm like, what are you talking about? Like we're both allowed to talk about hats, right, you know.

But I've also told people like I've seen something similar and then I go I look at when they came out, and if my ship came out first, I'm not even a cue. And the other person that taking it, I'm just like, hey, just you know, mine came out a year before. And then that person like shuts down. But I've told people because you want to tell. You want to tell somebody so that they don't think, like if somebody is up there and they do their fucking hat bit and you're like, I'm doing a bit right now.

I'm doing it right, So I tell them in the moment, right that happened. But that happens. That's a normal thing to happen. Where you go.

We're both talking about fucking ice or whatever, you know, So yeah, just just let you know that. I am also exploring what it is to have sub freezing water in my class.

So when you have a like a platform as big as you do, like you and Bird with two Bears, two Bears, one Cave and just all the you kind of have like a network and as big as your brand is, what is the benefit and if it's as simple as finances, then I guess that's what the answer would be. But what is the benefit of being on like a Netflix or streaming platform versus you just doing your own thing because you have such a big audience yourself.

No, it's a it's actually a good question. I mean everything has changed.

I mean one of the things that is like obvious is that you can have great success with posting a special on YouTube like YouTube. People were like seeing as like for a minute, like, oh, things didn't work out for you, right, you had to put it on YouTube. And then you see what's happened with specials on YouTube that when they hit they fucking explode.

I mean, Shane's Shane Dude. That stand up in Austin has got to be one of my top five. It's one of my thought five. It is so fucking funny when I I just told I saw him yesterday and I was, I mean, I've told him this before that when I first was you know, i'd heard about him and I saw a clip and I was like, it's funny. And then his special came out.

It first came out, I was sent the you know whatever, the link, I click on it and I realized that like fifteen twenty minutes have gone by, and I'm like and the reason that like I'm like surprised is like normally, like I tap out fast, like I'll watch Stand Up for like three minutes and like turn it off, you know, a special, and then I'm like checking again. I'm like, I'm about to finish this thing. It's like a whatever

I've laughed at a special in a long, like in a while, and it was a YouTube special that like he was, it's so good, Like it's also like it is my wheelhouse of what I find funny, like like you know what I mean, Like there's genres of things that people like it. It question. It really hit me.

In my in my spot where I was like, this is so fucking funny, and yeah, I mean I I love that special. I think it's one of the best specials of the last five years. Yeah, the Alabama football, the Fox News was just.

All of it.

The Dad ship is probably what made me laugh the hardest, Like when he's when he talks about like when he's like he's.

So drunk and he wakes up to like what's going on in Israel? Like the like that shit made me laugh? Who so yeah, whoa that made me laugh.

It's the.

Thing that is so funny to me about Shane is what's so funny to me about you and your stand up is like Shane can say so little and have such a presence and just a little movements and the timing. Like when I watch Sledgehammer, you're literally having conversation with your kid or with your dad and you like are just doing eight words and the span of thirty seconds, but the way you put the words and where you put them, it's fucking hilarious.

Yeah, thanks man, Thanks, I mean it's it's the type of thing yeah that I I mean, little things, the nuance of things is what makes me laugh the hardest, more so than like the the you know, the big punchline is always something you want, but like it's the little stuff that makes me remember and love stuff.

Yeah, you know, like the.

Little facial expressions, the pause being in the right play Like that's what you work on too, you know, callbacks that have callbacks.

All that's are always a fun little treat. Yeah.

I feel like that's a lot of your fans like watching it too. You just see the uh, the reaction by a lot of your fans, like when you do hit the callbacks. Throughout the entirety of the special one, everyone's just clapping because it's funny.

But it's also like man like well done, Like that would have to feel that would have to feel so sick.

Yeah, you want to like you don't want them to be too like, you know, for lack of a better like to eat. You want to weave them in a clever way because then they're kind of like, ah, like there it is, yeah, as opposed to just like dropping it whenever. So like like making a callback feel organic, So it's like it's in a bit ten minutes later, but it is. You know, it's a callback to something, but it's it. It feels natural in the newer bit or in the later bit. That's like a fun thing I think too.

It's like an appreciation clap that's happen. Yeah exactly, Yeah, yeah, it's fun. By the way, I have to mention because because I did see Shane yesterday that he was like, we if you can watch that it came out today. I was like, how was uh, how was the Beer Olympics. He goes, you dodged a bullet, goes, it sucks.

He's lying, lying, and I was like, shut up. And then what we got into was, first of all, yes he did show me Bruce. He's like, this is a week old bruise is still yellow.

And I was like, here's what it is.

You hang out with these guys and you're like, this is just good guys, like the regular guys. I go, but when you can take these fucking assholes, these these pro athletes, and you just go we're competing. I go, this switch happens that you for you forget that they're monsters, like they're actual literal monsters. He's like, dude, I had a guy grabbed me by my neck and hold me. He goes, I thought we were playing. I thought we were like fucking around.

Then keep talking show it to you. He goes.

I got beat the funk and I was drunk, so I didn't know what was happening to me until the next day, and he was like, it hurts so bad.

This is why Shane's such a bitch. Okay, tell me, tell me because that whole wrestling that's me and Shane that's the fucking Yeah. He looks like he's suffering right there. Taylor has him like that, like in the he's dragging.

He's tapping like three or four times, and Day was just dragging him throughout the pool.

You can just shoving.

He goes, Yeah, he goes, Taylor is a professional Shover's shoving me.

He fucking So here's how it started. We were in my man came and we're kind of fucking around because I do. I think Shane's hilarious and I love being around him, especially when he's got a couple drinks in him, and she kind of comes out of a shell a little bit and he starts, you know what, we're you gonna do, pussy, what are you gonna do? And he starts fucking aking it on. So we end up on

He's like, hey, you want to come do the pod? I was like, hell, yeah, dude. And then I call Himhen I get there, I'm like, hey, am.

I in the right spot? And then we come in. I'm like, yeah, why are you living like this? Man? He's like, is how you make comedy?

Yeah?

And then I go he lives like a like a hoarder, right, Like he lives like he's like a college student. There. You go upstairs and all the boys are just sitting there playing UFC like video games. It's such a departure from my life. I live like a fucking baller, Like what the fuck? Yeah, But it's a funny, man. Yeah, it's a choice. Yeah, it is a choice. All right, boys, we will we interrupt this episode to bring you a

Definitely, I mean I literally thought that when I was at that Groundling the Groundlings if you if you look it up, it's like it's the West Coast improv school that so many people you know would go to. It's like Second City, right, yeah, exactly, Okay, it's the la version of that, and it's I mean Will Ferrell came

And then they have tiers like they have.

It's a school, so like there's entry level one, level two like like that. Then there's this thing called Writer's Lab. Then there's Sunday Company, and then there's the ground Links, right, so it's a whole thing. When you get to writing Lab, if they call you, it means that you like you at least have some chops. If you suck there, they don't call you for that. When they go, well, they call you and it's to like, you know, start working

I have like a couple of things that are like legit. I have a thing with Bert that we're gonna do.

I have another movie in development at a at A at a place, and then I I filmed like my own version of like I filmed the pilot last year that I paid for really yeah yeah, and I sold it.

So like we're gonna go make the series. That's awesome.

Yeah, so it's and that's like I wrote it, I'm in it, I produced it, spent fucking so much money to make it.

Look I just didn't want it to look like like a sketch show because of them look so low production, so we don't, like we actually call them shorts like you know, like it's like if you ever watched Black Mirror, like though an episode of that will have like you know, it's like a short film, And that's how we tried to make this series like short films. Any idea when that's gonna come out.

Well, it'd be cool if the strike was resolved so that you probably get I mean I want it. I want them to get what they need obviously and what they want. But my guess would be that it would be late next year when we would be able to put that out.

Yeah you uh, I know. When we had bert on and we're kind of like asking about your guys, dynamic and everything else, and he alludes to you being like the brains behind the operation, like over the years, obviously you know humble cat, but.

How do you learn to.

How have you learned how to build all of these things out over time? Like do you have a like a knack or an interest, like when you're building out, like you have a media network, you have all these things going on, like balancing all that and learning about all that, because it does seem like you are a very savvy behind the microphone, but are you know, behind the camera and everything else?

Now, I think it's like, you know, I'm an I'm an observer and I I try to like learn from what other people are doing too, So I do a lot of that. Like I do a lot of like seeing what works for other people and then following instincts and like you know, not being not being resistant to like the new whatever's something that something is like coming about, like you know, hey, whatever it could be like TikTok is where everyone's going, and not being like I'm not

So you go like and then people like, what if you lose money? I'm like, then it didn't.

Work out, but like the upside is maybe it's exactly what I wanted to make. And even if I don't make money on it. I have this thing I wanted to make and so I can't. You don't make I don't make just decisions based on is this gonna be financially beneficial? Obviously you want to make money, but like you have to do things that are like fulfilling creatively.

You guys do it.

It's like you go, let's get together do this pot do fucking five hundred people might listen to it, and it's considered a bomb. And there is no such thing as like if you do put the Like there's been celebrities that have gotten together to do podcasts that fail, like legit huge names. So I get excited about trying new things. It's just like when you get on stage you try things. That's what feels good to like try a joke and have the potential for it to bomb.

Yeah, was there ever a fear when you're when you had kids about taking more risk? There was a fear in not working enough, so, which is a different thing than most people say, right, Yeah, a lot of people are like I I got to spend more time with my kids.

When she was pregnant and I was like, we're having a baby. I I definitely hit a switch where I just went like into I need to work a lot, and I went I went hard, and it was out of the idea of like providing yeah, because I was like, I mean, up until that point, it was the two of us, like you realize that, like if it's just the two of you, you can fucking get by. We'll go to Trader Joe's and get some frozen fucking burritos and like you know what I mean.

Like, yeah, you have dinner, don't dinner. It really doesn't matter.

It's like if if you if you don't, if you're not making a lot, you're like, well, you know, hopefully I'll get another gig next week and I'll have enough for rent like like that. Yeah, you're like, I mean I always wanted to work, but like when when a kid comes, Yeah, I was like it wasn't even I

Yeah. Yeah, it seems like you have an incredible work ethic. When you look at you and Bert, Yeah, who would you say has the better work ethic? Well, Burt, Like, I mean I'm doing a lot more actually right now. The festival is No.

I think we both you know, I think we both have dad or I had a dad who like we were like very traditional work, you know, get up at five point thirty whenever, go to work.

Like they're just like.

Old school Americana dads like yeah, of course you work, right, So then like yeah, when opportunities come up, like they have arrived for us now, we're like we have opportunities, Like I mean, neither one of us is like eah.

Whatever, yeah, you know, like we're like, oh, yeah, you go to work. So we both work a lot.

I mean I've like I did a tour that I think was insane when I look back on like it was it was too much, meaning I'm not like I couldn't handle it. It's just like for like from having a family. It's just like it's not conducive to do that many shows and tour that much. So I'm more conscious of it and like I'm literally gonna see my agent here to plan out the next like you we have to have more weeks off, you know. But it's

Man. Yeah yeah, So I mean Bert is going in my opinion, too hard, like he goes, and I like, it's insane.

Yeah, I think it's almost like avoiding life, like you know what I mean, Like, I'm like, what are you doing? And then he because like Bert does this thing where he knows them. When I say this, he'll be like, yeah, I just I don't know.

I just I don't know. I just took it and took on too much. I'm like, yeah, but you're in control, like you can say it, and he's like, I don't know, like I don't know. Definitely, yeah, definitely does. He does give himself to a lot different to as much as he can.

I mean, even coming to Olympics when I was a great day was like, hey man, you know, I know you get pulling the lot out of for ankles and you're just blowing up. He has been for a while now, and it's like, oh, I appreciate you just like taking the time. And because you can even see it at the Beer Olympics. I don't know about you, but you can see a little bit of a you could just

Now he's the best. It does seem like he just goes, fuck, I want him an hour to I mean, if he's if he's trying to look, if he wants to hear this. Okay, you're working harder that question. No, I mean yeah, but I you know, we did a zoom call for this thing the other day and we get on. He's like, I'm like, are you all right? He's like I'm dying.

I was like, yeah, I don't want that to be real, Like could you chill the fuck out for a second. But yeah, he goes, you know, he'll do this. I think he's gonna take some a little bit of time. Then he's got his fully loaded cruise. Then he goes back on tour, then into another production.

Yeah.

It's like, I don't know, man, I get it because you go, these are these are incredible opportunity. You work your whole career for these opportunities and then you get them. But you still have to like I'm look, I'm saying it like I'm telling him. I'm telling myself too. You still have to like figure out how to manage it because you you don't I guess you don't want to be like, no, thanks right to the thing that you're like you always wanted to do, But you can't say yes to all of it.

That's the that's the part you have to figure you can't say yes to all of it. I'll fuck them. Give us.

Give us three pet peeves of Burt Kreischer, three of his pet peeves, three pet beeves you have with him?

Oh that I have with him? No, like that you see of him, three pip peeves you have for Burt? Like what bugs you about Burt? He thinks, Oh, pretty easy. Number one would be.

As busy as he is, just not responding too. Like I'm like, hey man, we're good friends, we're literal business partners.

And I've called you and texted you for four days.

Oh I'm like yeah, no, yeah, Like I've been around you when other people and I see how you I'm like, don't fucking answer me, my bad?

So that would that fucking irritates the ship out of me. Yeah, I'm like, whatever, dude, I know what, I know how you do this? Like pick up the fucking phone, text me back that you can't talk simple enough? So that makes me crazy? What else makes me crazy about him.

He uh, he will, oh yeah, he just won't like consider anybody else's emotions in the room.

So like he'll come in and I'll be like, and.

He's like yelling at you know, somebody on the staff, and I'm like, buddy, buddy, and he's.

Like what, I go, yeah, but he feels this way. But I'll give I'll give him credit. When you point that stuff out to him, he'll be like, you're right, You're right, You're right, the dove, I'm sorry. I didn't think about how you might have felt this.

It's literally like you're raising kids, you know what I mean, like your dad, and you're just like, yeah, but your brother feels this way.

And then he's like, okay, good point. Point. Sometimes I get a little ahead. Yeah, I do give him credit.

He gets very he gets like he gets so fucking like fired up in the moments of like fun, because he his whole thing is like how can I make something more? Like he wants every moment to be like if he came in here, he's like, let's make this the best podcast in the history of podcast Like yeah, right, like he must have. He wants to manufacture fun, even if it's like, you know, like it can't. He doesn't want to have like an okay day. Every time you go like, how was last night? Saying it was the

And he's like what.

I go, Well, if it was the best night, like you've said, it's been the best night in your life five hundred times, so which one is it? Like most people have an epic experience. You I go, you had dinner, you told me it's best dinner you've ever had in your life. You had the best coffee you ever had in your life. This morning, the show was the best night. He goes, okay, or sometimes I embellished and I'm like, yeah, quite a bit. So your bird voice is self funny.

He goes, what I go? I want to go to bed? He goes, Why I go? Cuz it's fucking midnight and I've had a few drinks and I'm tired. He's like, don't you want this feeling to keep going? What feeling? He's like, just like that a buzz, Like don't you want to just not stop? And I was like no, I wanted to put my head on a fucking pillow and sleep, Like are you crazy? And he's like, I just want this to never end. I was like, that's not a healthy thought. Fucking this shit will never end.

But then he actually he's not lying about that, like that is you know what I mean? Like yeah, and so like it has two sides, because the upside is that he makes most things more fun. He just comes in and you're like, oh shit, like a party just came into the room. Like he's a literal party now. By the way, he's in the last.

Year since he's like really like I don't know, exploded in popularity or whatever.

Every time I see him, there's like eight people with him. I'm like, who the fuck are all these people? He's an entourage now, like he's like, this is my camera guy, this is my sound guy. I'm like what he never like he just rolls in solo anymore.

It's a party. It's a party where he goes yeah, and then they keep the party going. Seems exhausting, but also be on the receiving end of it. Every time Bert walks into a room, you're like, fuck, yeah, dude, yeah yeah, I'm so happy he's here because he's such a good time. And the thing about Bert is when you see him and you talk to him a minute, two minutes, you literally walk away going I feel like we're best friends. Like man, I'm like, I think we

And he doesn't do like he doesn't do like uh yeah, like I could to see you like he's he's not like that. He's he's like a look into your eyes and like this means so much to me. He likes community, you know, he's he is a frat guy. Frat guy has like a negative connotation. The positive of it is like if you wanted to find the positive in that is somebody who like wants like a friendship fraternity to exist.

That's as an observer, it's he Hays have a very interesting dynamic. Heys are both hilarious individuals in their own way, but it's interesting to see how I mean, I'm assuming you guys are best friends. Would you call me your best friend? Yeah, we're Yes, we're best friends.

And he's like, you know, it is a it is a balance. Like part of the reason I think that it works for us is that I thoroughly enjoy him. Like a lot of people are like, how do you put up with this fucking lunatic? And I'm like, yeah, but I enjoy Like he entertains the shit out of me.

I find him.

One of the first times we ever took a road trip together is like years ago, and we drove up to Sacramento and we're driving back down from LA I mean it's like hours drive. I forget how many hours it is. And then on the way back from Sacramento, he goes, you know, you don't say much. And I was like, you haven't shut the fuck up. You haven't stopped talking, and he goes, yeah, that chucks out, that checks out. But the thing is I was like, yeah, but I'm I go. I just literally I would ask

I know we got to let you go because people are he's getting text people are open the door, right, But sledgehammer, sledgehammer, of all the specials you've done, what makes you so proud of the special I.

Mean, look, I don't know if this is something that will always happen, Like for me, it's like so clearly for me, the like my what I'm most proud of I toured for usually I was on a two year turnaround, right and I felt I was felt fine about that, like meaning like I would shoot a special, start working on something new. Two years would go by and I'd shoot another one and put it out And Pandemic contributed to this, But it was three years and I just felt like it got It's so much better, It's so

You just like it feels like.

Like whatever you know evolved, like I've evolved as a person as a comic. It's like it's more personal to me because like my dad died during it and we were very close, and I talk about it, even though I make jokes about it obviously, but so like it's stuff that is like, you know, it's more emotional for me as much as it's not like an emotional thing to watch. It's like all that to me was like and it's a huge tour, like the culmination of a of a twenty one month tour.

Is this special? So to me. It's like, as you know, it was the most fun I've ever had shooting a special like by far. And I don't know, man, I'm just like, it's been out for a couple of days. It's number one on Netflix. It's the number one. Yeah, it's got it. Yeah, that's pretty cool feeling. So we see your Instagram?

No no, but I mean like there's like an article today of like how it dethroned that Henry Cavillish the Witch or whatever.

So you know I did see that, you know when I saw that my insta Instagram.

Yeah, well, and I mean I was like, I was like, yeah, dude, They're like, do you want to post this? I was like, yeah, of course, throw that up there multiple times.

And the guy was so the guy that was so sassy who wrote it.

Yeah, he was like, apparently this guy has five specials apparently, like it's not like you can't find it. Like I don't even know how to try to verify this, but apparently this guy has five specials on Netflix and apparently people are watching it. And I'm like, all right, man, that ship to me is fun, but it's honestly, it's not even about It's not about that it's about that.

Yeah, man, thank you. This is an honor.

Bro.

I'm super I'm sorry I couldn't make it to what would have been a horrific experience at the you're coming in, you're coming to You don't be a ref you can be a rough next year.

You don't know.

Actually I might be fucking jack. Fuck you guys up, dude, we didn't get to talk about it, but you looked really good. You've lost a lot away, right, he's got the what's it called the shorthad. He's got a short head bicep. Short heads, short heads play if we played them. You need the short heads. Long heads take longer to develop. That'll look as good talk. You got a good peek, got good physic. You guys, come on, you fueled up