Darren Waller

This episode of Busting with the Boys. The Boys is presented by Barstool Sports. There's no there's no commercializing to this thing. We just talking too the mics be for the boys, tell stories, and we do whatever we want because it's our podcast, you know what I'm saying. It's not like I think I think Russell Wilson has a podcast. It might be through the Seahawks. I know Kirk Cousins does it. I think it's through the Vikings. But like, yeah, bro,

I feel like there are a lot of podcasts that need to make people happy.

There's a lot of podcasts or what.

They need to make people happy, like with advertisements, and they gotta do a whole bunch of shit.

Yeah, just to stay.

Right, Well, we'll have to do that, like we've been doing the whole advertising thing, like Barstools sends us like adreads, Hey, these are going to be your ad reads for the week, but we will record them separately because everything we do is backlogged, you know what I mean. So like your episode, we honestly have no idea when that might come out, and the time years rolls around, we won't do ad reads right now because it could be somebody different a

I wouldn't say that I make music because I like to make music. I don't consider myself part of the music industry. My music is on streaming platforms, but I don't think I'm part of an industry.

When you say your music is on streaming platforms, what does that mean? Do you make beats? Do you rap?

I make beats? I rap?

Yeah, But by saying it's on streaming platforms, it's on Apple Music, it's on Spotify, it's on you Are anything you can stream it on.

Yeah, all of them shout it out. What do we got?

We got better call Wall It came out on Christmas Day twenty seventeen.

That was my first project.

My second project I released on my birthday this past season in September, is called Wall Street. Go get both of those right now. Go get both of those right now. Videos on the way, visuals on the way. You already know time let's go.

Hey, but this is what this is like a big reason why we want to bust with the boys. Obviously we're not like, hey, we need to have a platform for everybody to say their stuff, like we want to have our podcast, yeah, but we wanted people to come on whatever they have going on we pub it because we're for the fucking boys, right, you know what I'm saying, cursing whatever we gotta say. Dude, this is a platform that's like exactly like I didn't know you had all that going on.

Yeah, I mean, like you say about the road trips, like that's when I was most productive. Like the whole flight to anywhere, I'm making beats the whole time, or writing something averse to a song. We get to the room, I'm making beats in my room after snack. I almost missed the bus to the game. On road games multiple times, I'm just like making beats and I look at my phone.

And he's not lying either, like we would be. We'd be flying to away games and I would notice Darren sitting in his seat or whatever. He's got his laptop out, headphones on and doesn't talk to anybody and literally just makes beats. Or is that what you're doing? Making beats? Yeah, the entire flight I mean, we had some vicious flights. So you guys flew. I mean I came aboard and it's like we're flying to New York, US fly as far as shit, it was far. Yeah, you guys flew to London and shit.

Yeah we had Winnipeg in the preseason.

Yeah, you guys flew a lot different places. Whoop. But yeah, he was making beats the entire time, Like a five hour flight to New York. This man laptop open, headphones on, He's making beats. Flying back, he's making beats.

Yo.

So you're heavy into the music game.

Uh yeah, I mean I started like in twenty fifteen when I got to drafts to the Ravens and I was like super.

Boared there, didn't know anyone.

So I was just like we used to freestyle all the time in college, just like someone put a beat on and we'll go like two bars or four bars and pass it. And then so I was like I would give you like two bars or four bars, but I couldn't really freestyle. But then I was like I can write to this shit and be good at it. And then I just started writing.

And then I was.

Wrapping into the Apple EarPods into my Macwook on garage band. So I was just like wrapping into the headphone mic and started doing that. Then I like bought some cheap equipment and was wrapping in my closet in Baltimore. And then after that I started going to a dude who's a rapping from my high school, shot the Vibe God.

You said, I've got ye God Lamar Bridges.

Is he a beast? Is he on social media?

Yeah?

He's he got a song with like a million a million plays. I remember the uh I think it's called good Vibes only shot the Vive God. I was rapping at his house, using his studio, and then I did a couple of songs there and it was like dudes from like my high school there and they was like, man, this thing's rapping out, Like what is he doing that? Like when they started rapping there was like oh ship,

Isn't that weird how it works too? Like you have something you want to do, but you're kind of like super nervous. When you finally do something, Oh yeah, for that, like uh, validation from your boys.

Right, And plus it was like, you know, I was always shaky, like as far as like college, I was getting suspended all time I got in the league.

I had already been suspended once.

And then it was like he and I got suspended for like the year, and it was like, oh, he rapping out, Like when ain't got a shit going on, they come home and start rapping.

They start they're thinking like, yo, he's really yeah, they're be looking at me like that. So we're going to get into that stuff later. But dude, that's sick. I didn't know you were like that deep. I actually name dropped you the other day. I was on the phone. I was on the phone with somebody from Barstool and we were talking. We were talking about I think they do projects for like they tie something in the youth, some charity in the youth with somebody who's in the

Right, So I did shout you out it's a dope thing.

So you might be making another music video.

I'm with it.

You just said you made how many music videos recently?

I've made three music videos in the last three weeks in.

Part part of the fourth is all this in Atlanta? Yeah, it's all like right around Atlanta, like where the Brave Stadium. It's called the Battery, and so I live like right around there, and there's a whole bunch of weird locations and places there that we've been taking advantage of.

Do you produce and you kind of write what you want to happen, or do you allow somebody else to do that, and you just kind of tie your music to or how does that work?

So one of my best friends who's a producer, shout out the Fowler.

Oh I love it, dude, the boys, let's go Fowler, shout out Fowler.

He makes He knew the video man that I started using, and so he would just have like a vision and then I would kind of like pitch into it and then we just kind of combined.

I got you. So then you guys kind of come up with scenes or however that works. Yeah, are you stunting on them with a bunch of.

We did have the prop money shout out two and fifty K and prop money. For sure. We wanted to in one of the videos.

Oh no, awesome dude.

But I had the music video a couple of years ago. I was just playing around, like twenty seventeen. It was called Christmas Day. It's on YouTube.

Okay, that was back in twenty seventeen. Yeah, it's on YouTube. Christmas Day.

It's Christmas theme.

Do you have a YouTube channel?

I do not. I'm about to though these videos.

I gotcha. So you'll just whatever you have, You'll just stream through Apple, Spotify or YouTube but you don't have a certain channel to put it all in yet correct, But that's coming.

It's coming. I'm trying to learn.

How many guys do you think are in like the music industry, in like sports or the NFL? Do you know have a lot of guys? Do you like collaborate with any of the guys who are out there who are doing stuff?

Nah, I haven't collaborated, but I mean I feel like I see a new one, like all the time, Like you've seen like Le'Veon Bell been rapping. Yeah, I've seen then other day a dude from the Saints, like a defensive back, he was a rookie, Yeah, and he had a song that was out and like people were like promoting it, and it's just like, I mean, I'm with it.

Like do you keep your eye on guys in the NFL who go in the rap game or who are in kind of the music industry?

Really?

I mean, I just kind of do my own thing. I guess I'm not really worried about nobody else. I just do music because it like just the feeling I got of it.

You just have a lot of passion for it. Yeah, passion, man, hear that A little weird little that was the seat. Yeah, dude, that's sick man. And now you're just like you're just making music all the time. You don't even care about you don't even care about that validation anymore because you got it from a few piers and you're like, Okay, I got a shot at this.

Yeah, and then like doing the music of me with my confidence too. It was just like, you know, that's something where it's like you could be in the booth and it could be a bunch of people like in the room while you're about to record something like that could be real different or like something that you like, I don't know how this is gonna sound. They could laugh at me, but was just like fuck it, just go in there and lay it down.

Now you don't even worry about that anymore. Yeah, It's just it's crazy how that works. That was kind of how I was with the podcast. And fortunately my boy Taylor, who isn't with us today, wish he was here, but Taylor wanted to go in with me, so it kind of gave me like, Okay, this can be easier because I have one of my boys doing it with me, and like a couple guys in the locker room Shout Out Logan Logan, Ryan and Derek Morgan, those were a

That was the kind of the music.

It was like I kept telling people I was gonna drop on my birthday and they was like, oh, yeah, we wait, like we gonna see what that sounds like.

You're like, man, I got this.

I'm gonna go record one or two more and make sure it's like.

Yo, would you want a freestyle on the bus? You can write? You can write. I was gonna say, Max Crosby, who we're gonna have on? I told him he has to freestyle. You think Max is nice?

Yeah? Max is solid.

When dudes were they so guys people in the locker room, Guys who like want to rap. They'll like have this huge like boom box and they'll play beat. They'll play songs all the time where they'll like run a beat on YouTube and guys will just freestyle, like it'll be Friday, but all its freestyle Friday. You get done with your practice and everybody's fired up in the locker room, so they'll start playing beats and guys gotta grab the mic and freestyle. And I remember when Max did, I didn't

Made the rookies go.

Yeah, they make the rookies go. And then uh, I hear somebody go and I'm like, yo, who in the hell is that? And somebody's like, oh, that's Max Crosby. I was like, white boy, Max is out there freestyle. They're like, yeah, Max can flow. But I told Max when he comes on, he has to freestyle. And he's like, I get to play my own beat though, And I was like, bro, however you want it set up you? I mean we want we wanted to be success. Yeah, we want you to be set up for success.

Dude.

He's like, all right, for sure, I'll for sure do it.

But that's dope.

Anyway, Off the music, where did you play? Where'd you play college ball? We got to start from like the beginning, So where'd you grow up?

I grew up in Acworth, Georgia. No, one knows where that is, so I just say Atlanta is. It's thirty minutes north of Atlanta though.

Okay, so where you live now, that's kind of where you're around where you grew.

Up, right, it's the same county like my parents moved. But uh, yes, the same county, Cop County.

Yeah, and where'd you go to high school?

I went to North cop High School in Kennesaw, Georgia.

Okay, I don't even know where that is, Honestly, I don't know why it's a question. You feel like I gotta start with because so I want to. I gotta learn from the from the get go, because all I've seen on you is when we played the other, like those last eight weeks you stayed in the extended stay with me. Shout out that shitty extended stay no free shoutouts, God, how awful is that place?

I mean, I'm a simple guy. I was cool with it. The hallways smell like nicotine and like chunky soup.

Like sure, yeah, I say homeless sex and cigarettes. Yeah, but yeah, you hey, remember that dude in the wheelchair that has like his little dog, and he'll like come out, you know what I'm saying, And he would kind of cross you, and you you you're you feel like you're

I just snap on some fans one day.

Are you talking about the people that outside that's in between the extended saying the facility?

Yeah, they were right outside the fence, and I would make the left out of the gate right.

Because you're I don't want to sign stuff.

I'm like today not to day like I usually do most days. And then I see out the corner of my eye people dark like just start sprinting. I was like, I was like, I know they're going to meet me at the door. I was like, I'm not gonna blow up on them. I'm just gonna say it in a very nice way. So I park and I see people running up, like ten of them, and I'm just like, all right, you guys, like we're not just gonna run up on me here just because you know that I

Oh so they followed you all the way to your to.

The back doors. I'll always go up the back door and not the front right right.

My room was in the back, and they they came running right there like with posters and everything. It's just like, I mean, I get it, but it's like, hey, we're not gonna do that.

No doubt. And shout out those fans too, because Oakland has some.

Loyaliz Oh yeah, yeah, shout out of the fans for sure.

But every day, dude, there's a crowd of fans. Like the way it's set up is you have our facility where you go into and then when you walk out the gate or like you know, you have our own parking lot, or you'll drive out the gate. We would walk or you have a car. I guess me. I would just walk out the gate to walk to the extend and Say, because the extended Say is literally one building over from the facility. So you walk out the gate and there's just always a crowd of Raiders fans

Yeah?

Yeah, Like those guys, they would always be a certain amund like every time they'd be like, I promise I don't sell it, like I promise this.

For me there for us. I'm like, that's fine. I'm not even asking you, like.

Exactly, like I'm not even questioning you, Like, okay, I'm signing up there. Hey this is even for me, man, Like I don't sell any of this uff. You can come see my basement. I'll show you pictures and you're like, whoaa we easy ball, Like I'm not even asking, but that's good to know, probably selling good to know. And then that dude with like the long beard, you know what I'm talking about. Some of the fans would give rights to players to the hotel down the road. It's hilarious.

Sho's out there on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas like times they should be with their family, Like out.

There yeah Christmas Eve, Man, you ain't.

Got nowhere to go?

Yeah, go open presence with your family.

Watching the games, and like.

Oh yeah, but that's basically how me and you got to know each other because oh you're in the extended to day and Darren's like on the team, like big time on the team, like paid on the team. When did you sign last?

It was after we got back from London. I signed a new contract.

Yo, and congrats on that. As big Time leveled up, and I'm like, why are you staying in the extended Stay? And we kind of got to know each other a little bit because we would land after a long flight at like eleven pm at night. We'd get back late and we would uh. I would always just go in the tubs, like the hot and cold tub and contrast for recovery because me, I like have nothing to do.

Yeah?

Like, oh no, I'm good, And I'm like, why not. I think it was something like that, like, yo, don't be a pussy, like have some whiskey on Christmas and you're like, oh no, I'm good. And somebody I didn't somebody say you had been suspended or how did that conversation go? I mean, I was shocked. I don't mind it be like, yo, I was saying something. I was kind of chirping him for not drinking whiskey, and somebody said something about being suspended. Right.

Yeah, I want to say, I don't remember who it was exactly, because I know it was. It was quite a few guys from the team there, so I remember who exactly was sitting next to us, but yeah, it got brought.

Up and I was like, I said something about why don't you just have a drink or something like. It was something, and somebody was like, yo, his suspension came up from when he got suspended how many times?

Twice in the league?

Twice in the league when.

I got I got suspended two times in college. I got suspended two times in the league for what substance abuse? So I was like, just like drug tests and this is alcohol is everything. But put in Neela my arm.

Wow, so paint pills, alcohol, weed, you name it. Oh my god. But anyway, and we're going to get into all this stuff. I'm just kind of giving you the briefing on Darren and I kind of like being boys, being in the extended say, being in the tubs, and then we go to Christmas. I'm I'm comfortable enough around him and be like, yo, I have some whiskey, Like, don't be a pussy dude, Like, let's have some whiskey together. And somebody brought up his suspension. You've been suspended and

So my reasoning for staying in the extended stay was I'd never really been like committed to football like that, and I was just like, you know, if I ever like put one hundred percent in, I feel like I'd

Did you make that decision because you knew you were about to get a new contract?

No, I didn't think I was gonna get paid during the season really because I had I had never started a game before.

Yeah. See, we're all going to get to learn about daring together because I have no clue about and you at all before that. I just knew when I got there. I'm like, Yo, this dude is a fucking savage, Like throw him the ball all the time. That's why I'm sitting on the sideline thinking, and then I'm kind of like, yo, we're kind of boys on the side. So you know, it's dope that I'm getting to know you, but I have no clue about you before that. Right, So you were with the Ravens before the Raiders.

I got drafted by the Ravens in what round, the sixth sixth round. I was a wide receiver coming at Georgia Tech wide.

Receiver coming out of Georgia Tech. Okay, so you're when you're when you're coming into the league. Were you like all in on wanting to be a football player at that moment when you first came in the league.

Nah, if I I told people with all the time, if I wanted to stop playing football, probably would have stopped, like in high school or after high school, because it just became like a like a people pleasing tool for me.

You just knew you were kind of good at it. People wanted you to do it, so you're like, I'm going to do this for other people. Right when did you start abusing substances or do you want to call.

It like abusing? Probably like at the end of high school. Okay, so probably like seventeen eighteen.

What started you on it?

Just with some friends, they went through their parents' medicon cabinet, pulled out like some hydro codon, like five milligram pills really like my sophomore year high school, and they like, you want to tell you one? I was like, sure, why not? I ain't got shit going on for me. So I just took one and it was like, bam, what.

Do you What do you mean by when you didn't have shit going on for you?

So like by the time I was fisting.

We're gonna die, We're diving in. Oh yeah, I love this. Yeah, but people are gonna listen because people are very excited about your story when you were on hard knocks and you honestly you don't have like a couple of minutes to talk about it. And I watched this video of the TMZ posted. We talked about it for a couple of minutes. But people are very fascinated and there's a lot of help and an outlet. I feel like you've given to people. So I can't wait to like dive

Yeah.

So, so when I was younger, I was just like real, like like different. I guess I don't know. I was like really sensitive, but so like I just felt alienated. I hung out with white kids. They were in my neighborhood. They were the ones playing outside, so I was like, I'm just gonna go fuck with them, and they were just playing the white kids. I'm not I'm not saying nothing outside of out there playing every sport that I like.

So I'm finna go rock with them. Yeah.

And then it's like kids, all the h like all the all the black kids like my age would all just like clown on me, just rag on me for that.

And I was just like I was real sensuous, So I was just like damn, like.

They would clown on you for hanging out with white kids. Yeah okay, And it was like damn, like I can't catch your break.

And then it was just like when I go into classes, I was always in like gifted advanced classes. It wasn't no other black people in there. So I'm just like damn, like I'm just just you're super smart. Yeah, And it's just like I don't feel connected to anyone around me. But it's just like, oh, I'm in the South, like I'm in Georgia, like people love football, so I know I'm good at football, so I'm gonna go like put all my eggs into this football basket. And it's like

But you love football at this point, I get because no, I'm saying, at this point, when you were a freshman, you're like I want to play football because I'll rock with football right now.

Yeah. Yeah, this is still like me like blacking football.

And then it's like I get into my second season is like JV, and it's like I'm still super small, but I finally like earn a spot and I was playing safety and I played a couple of games and got hurt, like I had to have surgery on my elbow, and I was like always in the cast and people were just like ragging on me for always being in the cast.

Like you can't can't help the white kids. Yeah, well you ain't built. You ain't built for this ship.

Like my I had a coach that you should try a non contact sport, Like really, this ain't it.

I don't know when a coach. I ain't gonna I ain't gonna name.

Let's go ahead and shout who's laughing now, dude.

But but then I get to like that's like around fifteen year old. I'm just like, damn, Like I thought football was going to be the way for me and she ain't working, so like fuck it. And then like I'm just hanging out like and then I'm these kids pull bills out, I'm just like fuck it, like let's try something new, Like let's just let's see where this is.

Where. So when you say kids pulled pills out, you're just you're just hanging at the house and you know everything's happened up to this point, and you're just like, so, you know, try this because they say it's fun, like it's cool, but you feel good.

It makes it makes us feel really good, like and I'm just like I'm with feeling good because I don't really feel good right now with everything else is going on, so let's try this, damn.

And that's how you got started.

Yeah, that's how I got started. It started like real slow. It'd be like once every now, and then it started going like every weekend, and then it was like every couple of days. And then it's like started smoking weed too, start drinking.

So what age is this when you started all this?

Fifteen when I uh started doing pills and then like weave like sixteen, like my junior.

Years, when did you start getting good at football?

I grew from the end of my sophomore year to right before my junior year started, from five eight, five nine to six two.

You were five eight when you were a sophomore lanky two.

Were Yeah, I'm gonnahow youall a picture.

We'll have it posted like when you text it to me. When when we're talking about it, like on the YouTube channel bloss will have your picture shown.

Yeah, yeah, it'll be go y'all gonna die laughing. But so, yeah, I grew and I was still I was taller, and so it was automatically like okay, like you can play now, like I just looked the part, I guess, and I started getting in the weight room. Like once I stopped. I hear from my injury. I was like once this Drenth coach. I was like, coach, like, I gotta get right, like I'm super weak, and he was like, we got you. And then it was like start going up from there.

So you're a beast on defense, yeah, because you're playing play offense.

I got to college really okay, and so I played safety my junior year and then things start going well. I was playing basketball too, and so yeah, things were looking up.

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And I started playing basketball. I kicked off the basketball team. I got arrested by junior year. Why these kids on my football team were throwing rocks and I was just like the getaway driver, like throwing through people's houses and busting out people's car windows with rocks.

Yeah, and they're doing it.

You're just a getaway driver.

Yeah, just being I'm I'm like, yeah, don't you just think I'm cool? So I'm gonna just drive for Himah. Ends up like somebody was like walking their dog or something and got my license plate and I was the only one. I went down for it, and so it was like I got killed the basketball team for that. But then it was but football was like on the up.

Did you go to camps and stuff in between junior and senior year or you just played?

Okay?

I went to Western Kentucky. I let my first offer and then I was just like okay, I'm finna go here. Like I didn't even think I was gonna be playing football, like because I was riding the bench. So I was just like, I'm just gonna come here. They offer me a scholarship, like I'm going there, yeah, And then I had a few other offers. It was like Air Force Marshall Western Kentucky, Kentucky, and then Troy University in Alabama and Georgia Tech.

When did you get your Georgia Tech offer?

Right before my senior year? Like the summer camp.

I went to the camp and they saw me like actually move around and I was like playing defense, so I was like covering people and I was like I played I was out a corner and I was like press covering people. Yeah, And they were like, oh, like they probably do back then they're going to flip me to wide receiver.

But they're like, oh, he's an athlete, so we can just bring him in. We thought we could do something with him.

Were you fired up?

Yeah?

I mean kind of. It was just like Okay, like this is what's going to have people like approved of me. Was going to have people like being like, oh, like he doing something right now, like he really like putting in work, and it was like that kind of thing like.

So in your mind, like what are you preparing for? I know you're it's like the validation of people and that's what they're wanting you to do. But what's like, uh, I guess what are you thinking? Like this is what my future wants to look like? This is what I want my future to look like? Or did you even have a.

Vision about now? I had no vision back then. None.

It was just like, oh, this is what people celebrate football players and like football players getting successful, everybody wants to be like them. So it's like if I could do this, people want to be like me, and then I'll be happy. It was just like that kind of formula which makes no sense.

If you don't mind me asking like what was your family? What was your family life like? Did you have a lot of support to like play ball or yeah?

It was like I had a great home environment, my parents, I had an older sister. They never pressured me to play any sports. My parents were never the parents that were like you're going to get home runs in every game or you're going to escort me touch on. They were just like have fun, like you could do whatever you want.

My parents they're together, they're together. You had an older sister, yep, dang, So you're just you're just kind of having internal battles with yourself, right.

There was no like nothing externally. It was all internally. Ye.

You feel like you're like really introverted.

Yeah, I was. I was very much. So I still am a little bit now. But I'm coming out of my show a little bit.

But because you're back, because you're the main.

But back then, yeah, I was just like super shy, like I wasn't trying to talk like yeah, yeah, I wasn't with none of that.

And then you go to Georgia Tech. Talk about your experience at Georgia Tech or when stuff like okay, you're you're would you say you're abusing drugs and stuff at this point going into Georgia Tech.

It is up there. And then as soon as I got there and just saw like you, no, oh I could drink every day. Oh I could get high every day?

Like did you have teammates that were doing that with you?

Yeah?

And you just there was there was there a lot more access to it. I assume absolutely. Yeah, that stuff is wild, man. I mean you talk about like in the nineties, and I'm sure stuff still goes on, but people talking about drug abuse before games and a lot of stuff like that. I was like a good kid. The most I did was drink. I drank like in high school, like the back half of my high school.

Yeah, and then it was just like for me, it was like I wasn't very highly recruited, so I was like I think I was the lowest rated recruit in the Georgia Tech class coming in.

So you just didn't feel it was kind of like a sense of value or worthy, Like I kind of like everybody else is above me.

It was like I got here and I was like, Okay, I'm here, but it's like I'm all right now, I'm just gonna get my education. I don't know if I'm gonna play. It's just like and then I'm like fuck it, like I'm just gonna like.

Nervous around like the older players and shit too. Probably you first get there.

And it was just like my my abuse, like my drinking, my using like made me cool around them. That's what got me to hang around them. Like me and myself, like I don't give a fuck, I'll do that. Yeah, there are people on my team that was like, damn, I thought you was lame. So I realized you was doing this this and that.

Really yeah, just because you're quiet to yourself, right, but then when you people want to party or fuck with you, you're like, oh, Waller gets down like that.

Yeah, it's like I coul drink people under the table like that. It's a genetic and it's just like I can out pop out do whatever, and it's like when people are like, oh, that's cool, it was like I started a feed off that.

Holy ship, dude, now are you doing this stuff before games?

Not the day of but like night before. But yeah, I mean there were sometimes I did today.

Yeah, have you have you seen shout out? I think shout out Master, Gosh, I'm gonna butchers lest saying treff tre Trefiston. Or have you seen on social media untold

Help me relax. Yeah, were you ever were you ever like that? Toward the back end of my career. I would smoke in like pop Hills before. But like my freshman sophomore year, I wouldn't like the day of but like towards the end, like when I was playing, I was like, oh, like I'm out here, like I can make plays out here.

It was like, I'm you realize you're a beast.

I was like, all right, I'm gonna be lit like at everything, like practice, like I'll just do whatever at practice.

Yeah, that's that's that's insane, dude. When when did you realize you were, like, you know, I got a shout to go to the league.

Not till after my junior year. After we played we played in the bowl game. We played in the Music City Bowl.

Here trash go ahead.

But but I just remember, like towards the end of that year and like the end of my senior too, It's just like we played whenever we played big game opponents, like I would always get the ball and I always do something with But if we play like lower level schools and we could just run the option all day, like I would just be out there yawn and like trying to black people Georgiatown's. So it was like we

Until then, I was just like I never thought of it because you're.

Just having fun playing football.

I wasn't really having fun, really, I just I just knew.

I was just like, right, I'm doing this thing like I'm just kind of just like floating through life in a sense. It's like I'm just like I don't think I never thought I was going to the least. I never had any confidence in myself.

You're just yeah, you can't even say having fun. You weren't even having fun.

It would be flashes of fun.

I would like make a play and be like yeah, like I know what I'm doing, like I'm out here, but then just be right back to.

That man and everybody's patting you on the back and it kind of fires you up, you know what I mean.

It last for like a couple of minutes, but then it just to be like I'm so ingrained and like self doubt it's just like even the next play, Like I could make like a crazy catch in the next one and be like, man, don't drop it, don't drop it, don't drop it.

Did you ever kind of manifest those thoughts? Yeah, I mean you have negative felt you know, you know the sayings out there, what you think, you become law of attraction, all this positivity, all this self talk, like you pretty much manifest you know what you do. Like i'd be out there. It's hard for me to fully remember all of my days in Nebraska because sometimes like people are, oh you you was this and that in Nebraska, and there's games like I just can't fully remember because I

I'm looking back, it was just like I think I got high too much where it's like if you just like look at like a graph.

When you say you got high too much, as in high is like having fun or high like.

Like high high like getting high off drugs. Yeah, yeah, so I think I'm getting I'm getting high too much all the time. So like you just like normal like things that make you happy is like, oh, like going out on a day, like going to the movie, like doing normal things. But me, it's like my fun is getting as high as I possibly can. And so it's like football will get up to here, so but it's not fun because this is my new fun bar now and it's like.

Things aren't Would it be substances in women? Yeah yeah, hand that's crazy, dude. And then you're you're playing and there everybody's like, yo, you're gonna be You're gonna play in the NFL. Then your your senior year comes. What's your senior like? Is it any different from what you've experienced up to that point.

My senior year.

I mean it's just like the suspensions carrier where I'm out like the first game my junior year, I'm out the first to first two games my senior year.

I remember test basa for weeds three drugs.

Yeah, and then it's like I remember vividly.

I don't think no one ever knew this except maybe like one of my teammates. I wasn't playing, but we played Wafford the first game of the year my senior year, and I was just like, I don't feel like going to the game. I'm about to get as fucked up as possible and then go to the game and stay on the sideline. So I was drinking like at least like a whole handle of liquor at like seven in the morning, and holy, I mean my thing was mixing.

No soul in my body out but I like that it was sick.

And then making your boys laugh too, like on the sideline like let.

Me yeah, mem it was like I had like the you know, like the power like gatorade bottles that the water was in.

I would twist the cap off and.

Be like you want to like let them sniff it, and it's like complete blocker, like filled all way up to the top, and I'm just like going through bottles of that.

Yo, how coaches are somebody not understand that, like because you can smell when people have been out for a night and you're fucking fucked up.

I mean either they didn't say anything or I don't know what was going on.

But but yeah, that game, and I'm just out there the whole Like I'm started at seven.

In the morning.

It's like I'm going, I'm going, I'm going. So I had to be there before the game. I had to be in the locker room like two hours before. I'm drinking in the locker room, like I already popped like what I wanted and so like, so it's setting in

Oh my god, dude, Yeah, that is crazy as shit, Blost, What are you thinking sitting back there? Man?

That's crazy? And like I could, I could speak on it from like a from like a military standpoint, right, Like I mean, you know, the pain medications and stuff like that, and then like even going out before deployment like in Afghanistan, I mean.

There was loss was a sniper, but there was there was.

Like some guys that would you know, just get fucked up before going out on mission and stuff like that. And it was wild, dude, But that's kind of how you cope with it, and you just get outside of your head and it's go and perform.

Bro. Holy shit. So hell, I don't even know what kind of question asked. You're going through your senior year, you're going you're getting ready for the league? Where's your mental at?

Knowing?

Like, yo, I got a chance to were you Were you a combine guy?

I did go to the combine?

You did go? Yeah, So like, what's your fucking mental like going through the combine?

And it was four days of lying my ass off to front office people telling them that I wasn't gonna use drugs or wasn't gonna.

Use anymore because you're getting questioned a lot now.

Yeah, they're like this is this you like, is this just a phase? I'm just like no, this is just like me, Like you know how guys get in college, Like I was just like I could like wear a mask and just like make you think something that wasn't the truth at all, Like I could sell you a dream, like I got you.

But you test for the combine? How did you pass?

Yeah? I stopped. I stopped enough time to pass the combine drug tests?

Was that hard to be abstinent from street drugs? Because it's like a I mean, I guess what is it now, February we're doing this pot right now. It's like February twenty ninth, so the combine's kind of just starting. That's like two three months absence, right or Yeah.

But it was like I have to pass this test in order for me to keep like this life going, like for me to keep this facade going, Like I have to pass this one test and I can get back to what I was doing. Like then they'll be like, Okay, he passed a drug test and they'll be like, Okay, we can just evaluate his playing and it's like, meanwhile, I'm going back to exactly what I was.

Like, I got you right where I wanted you, Like, I'm going back to what I wanted.

When you did your drug test for the combine it did you go straight back to street drugs right after you pissed or did you have to test again? Like to where you're like, how long did you stay abstinent?

It was just from the end of my senior year and doing through combine training. Like I smoked a little bit, like a couple of times during combine training, but I gave myself time to get clean further combine and then like the day I got home from the combine, it was right back, Oh.

My god, dude.

Then you get drafted Baltimore Ravens. Are you fired up? Were you fired up that you got drafted?

Though?

Why not?

I was just I was just miserable, bro. I was just like, you didn't want to play football. I'm just doing this thing because I have to. And it's just like I would look, it's all about the approval thing. It's just like and.

Your parents are excited for you.

Yeah, they're through the roof, and they had like my parents invited people over and I'm just like I was up in my room just just like just drinking in my room and like getting high in my room and just like playing like FIFA.

I think it was did your parents know like you had this issue?

They knew what they knew? I was like getting fucked up with.

They ain't, but they think they're like, oh, he's just being a college kid, Like he's just getting he's just drinking a little bit. I mean that's a super question because you got suspended, not not like taking a jab. I'm just saying like they're probably like, hey, do you need it? And You're like no, I'm fine, like like I just got messed up, like I just they.

Would just see me Sunday, Like I would come home because like I lived like half hour from school, and I would just like PLoP down the couch and not move for like the entire day, and I'll just be.

Like, were you like hoping you would be drafted somewhere closer to home.

Like I didn't. I just felt like being drafted was a burden because I had to keep.

So you didn't want to play at all.

Nah. Bro.

It was like it was like I have to like keep this life going because I don't want to look like that one dude that had a chance to get drafted, which was like I don't want to do this anymore and receive backlash from it because I was too afraid what people thought.

Bro, I was too afraid of what people thought.

That is nuts.

What are you say in like the interview process, because you.

Know, like most says a question.

Yeah, most podcasts and most coaches and stuff like they you know, interview players right before they draft them. Like how was that process for you? Like did you just lie to them?

Yeah?

It was just straight up lives for four days, bro, Like four days in a row. And it was like I got so good at lying because I was hiding from the school. I was hiding from you know, people I was hanging around. I was lying to chicks out dating. So I was just like a very good liar at that point. So I just have to combine and just like selling folks dreams like oh man, like we have to selling potential and you like, do you want to be great?

Do you love it?

I was like I love this game, Like I would never let anything get in the way. It's just a complete live.

Bro like an absolute lie man.

Okay, holy shit, you go to the Ravens and again on Hard Knocks you you're you're watching your story.

Yeah, my shit kicked in on Scout team.

Yeah yeah, and I see he's like, come on, man, like make a play, like ye are you good? He's like, are you good? And now now knowing what I know about you, and I'm like, I wonder what the fuck is going through his mind? Like, so what are you doing now peeing on the Ravens like OTA's training camp, Like do you have do you have many friends on the team.

I had no relationship with anyone in Baltimore.

Really.

I had a relationship with one teammate who I'm not going to name, just because we got high together all the time.

Yeah, but no names for the boys.

Yeah for sure. But yeah, I had no relationship, no relationship outside the building. Like in the building, gods, you're like always cool, Like it's like you could have a conversation with me, like we're in the tub, like we in meetings, like I'll joke, wish you like I'll get but once we leave the building, I'm gone, And it's like because people knew I was in the drug program too, and I was when I come out of college because my college history.

So you get high around on these people.

So just because you were suspended a couple of times in college, you immediately go in the drug program going into the NFL.

But they gave me an opportunity.

Like the NFL drug program is really leney at the end of the day, Like I could break it down for y'all.

Break yeah, break it down.

People.

People want to know how this drug program.

So it takes a hell of drug test fails to get to a suspended game, like one suspended game like your first Like if you're not in the drug program, say you fail test.

That's one test.

Say I come in and I'm completely clean, I just start smoking. I test positive my first time.

What happened? Yeah, you you get put into the drug program.

And then after that it is you you fail another test, that's a game fine, Like you're not missing the game, it's just they're just you're getting fined your game check. After that it's two game fine, and then after that it's a four game fine. And then you come back and then after that whereas it like the fourth or fifth test you failed, then you get to a one game suspension, So you really have to like start failing a lot to get to these games.

And it's like, so somebody who's who gets suspended for one game has already failed the drug test probably four times. Yeah, but it sucks losing that that money.

Then it's like you get to one game spension two games, Like I would.

Say that's lenient, but also at the same time, like once you fail, once you get put in the drug program, you get pretty much tested all the time, Like you can't you can't really smile.

I've been getting drug tested two to three times a week for the last five years.

That's what happens when you're in the drug program.

Yeah.

I was like I was trying to get here three today, but it was like drug man pulled up, like and you have to wait for them to get there, like you can't.

Yeah, Darren before Darren, okay, big money over here. He drives all the way from Atlanta to Nashville. I like, why are you driving three and a half hours. Yeah, He's like, oh, it won't be a breeze. I'm like, man, this dude just he's just cool. I don't know, like he's like, all right, I guess I'll drive all the way here to do a podcast. And then he's like, hey,

All right, that's fine.

But so two to three times a week once you that's right when you get in the drug program right away, yeah, okay, and then but if you fail after that, they're taking money out of your pocket. Even though you don't miss a game exactly, but when you see you guys missing games, and then you're like, oh, he's failed. He's failed at least four times.

Yeah.

So it was like before I was failing games, it was like I remember my second season, I missed it. I got to like a four game suspension and that was even lenient because I was just failing out ass at that point.

And this is your this is sorry, I just I blanked out for a minute. That was your rookie year.

My rookie year.

So I was in the drug program and it was just like I they gave they actually gave me a window. It was like if you can make it too, like through the preseason and not like fail any tests. Like well, we're thinking about getting out of the drug program because they sent me to New York and they did this

And then it's like.

Those are them gifted programs in high school. He's like ahead of the game.

And then it's like I so I did that and they're like, your evaluation came back. So it's like okay, so drugs aren't really a problem for you. So it's like if you could just get through the preseason, we'll think about getting you out of the drug program. I couldn't get through the preseason, Like I was like, I can't do it.

Why Why is this the stress? Is this the stress of being in training camp?

And it ain't even have anyone. Bro, I'm I'm a fiend.

Bro Like I'm like I'm a dead ass, Like I'm a professional athlete.

But I'm a junkie, dead ass.

That is fucking crazy, Dude. I'm sitting here because I'm trying to ask questions based on all of my stress levels, like coming through football, the league and everything, and You're like, nah, I wasn't even that, Like.

I'm just stress. It was stressful, don't get me wrong.

And I was just like, I have to impress all these people, just like, man, fuck this, I'm go get high and all this.

Fuck.

I'm the you know, the analogy, first person in, last one to leave. I'm last one in, first one to leave Baltimore.

Yeah, I mean it just says, I mean, you are where you are now, So there's there's a reason you want to tell the story because I mean, you're you know, you've been helping people at the end of the day, because you're a testament. How long have you been sober now? Two and a half years. That's fucking let's go.

Let's go appreciate. Let's fucking go appreciate it.

So you're in Baltimore. How long? How many years a were you in Baltimore?

I was there. I got drafted in twenty fifteen and I was there until.

Okay, draft in twenty fifteen. When was your four game suspension?

What year twenty sixteen?

So you're felling you're failing hell a drug test. Up to this point, I'm willing to say I failed one hundred drug tests at least since you've been in league of that year, since I've been in the league since Over that, there was at you never know what's coming.

On with his mother, because there was a stretch from he's like in one month.

Fuck, there was a there was a stretch where I knew I was getting rug tested two three times a week, but I'll still getting high on the same rate. And so I thought of that I could drink like multiple detox and drinks in a week and like drink up saying amounts of water.

You're sitting in the steam room, masuna tail, sitting in.

The sauna, like I think that clip from training camp was me. I was sitting in the sauna during Ravens Ravens training camp. I was trying to be a drug test that day and I sat in the sauna for

So I think it's I think that was one of those days.

I could just look at myself and that thing and it's just like I look like I'm not even there, like like I mean, it could be a different day where I was just like hih as fuck out there, but I'm thinking like it was one of those days where I was out there in training camp and it's just like because I ended up like having to go inside because like the heat got me. And it's just like you know, they walking up the field like Darren Walla goes inside.

I hear it. I hear the Ravens too, Like it's it's like.

It's oh, yeah, it's roughest. That's roughest in the league.

Yeah, I heard. It's like brut I'm talking like long practice, like long special teams practices, like fucking.

Forty five minutes of special teams, full speed, like full field one on ones on kicking game like kick off, he go off.

Returning like blocking hardball's a savage Yeah, it's.

Really Jerry Rosberg shouted, Jerry Rosberg probably the greatest special teams coach of all time.

But yeah he was savage in practice, saming harball.

Yeah, because uh Camp and Arrow was on the tights with me, So me and me and Mike Camp. Yes, sir, I mean Mike, can't we talk about all the raven stuff? But I heard his brutal out there.

Yeah, it's very rough practice, very rough on your body?

Are you still wearing that bullshit column from high school? You were in polar Blue, You weren't curve you walking into Walmart spring curve on and being like, oh I got to have a good night out to night. You middle schoolers out there, you still if any middle schoolers even listen to this podcast, you still spraining acts body, spray all over your body to like play it off like all this chick's gonna think I smell great, but really she doesn't, because it's like, hey, you kind of

Well, no new ten game. We just hop right to ban for at least a year after that?

What year is at seven?

That was seventeen Because it was like, so I like that thing we're talking about, like I'm trying to be all these tests like with the with doing all that stuff. I'm i would pass like one out of the week and even that be a miracle, but it would be like I'm still failing like multiple.

They So where's your mental dispoint? Because when I was watching Hard Knocks, You're like there was a point to where I was like, I knew everybody wanted me to play, but if I could just drug, if I could just fail myself out of the league, then I wouldn't have a reason to tell anybody why I didn't want to play fooball anymore.

Yeah.

I was just like, you know, I feel just like I came to this realization and it was just like I don't, if anything, I need to leave the league like and be away from this to like even try

It's just like maybe people will look at me different.

Wow, that's fucking deep.

So I have my At the end of my second season, I tore my labor with like a month ago in the season. I played the rest of the season and then they're like, oh, you tore your labor and you gotta have surgery. It's like they gave me the bottle

Out there just rioting with Baltimore too?

Nah? I feel like the riots go on.

Like you just see Darren. What the fuck is Darren doing out there?

But it's home.

It's like, yeah, I'm in crazy parts where it's just like you ribe you ride the street for like ten minutes, it's boarded.

It's boarded.

There's no house with no windows, bro like for ten minutes driving like I'm down there like yo where they at?

Yo? That.

So it's like I'm purposely I'm purposely failing tests at that point, like after my second serion.

Just you don't give a fuck anymore, like just put me out of my put me out of my misery.

But yeah, but then it's like it's crazy, like I knew like I would have to do OTAs in mini camp before I'll get suspended. Like I was like, they're gonna suspend me in June, like I know how the ship's gonna go. And then it's like my shoulder heels and I go out there for OTAs. I'm just like, man, this is about to be the last time I ever played organized football, and like I'm just about to go out on a good note and be like fuck this ship.

Like it's a rap.

Like they finished suspend me like soon as you already knew, like right, and it's like there's no going back now, like so you.

Balled and you're having fun in ots seventeen. Then they suspensed like the year long suspension on you.

Yeah, I told the coach right far. I was like, coach, like I ain't even gonna go home, like I'm at least be honest here. It's like they about to drop the hammer on me, Like I did it on purpose, like I wanted to be done.

I didn't know I would have fun.

But you you kept it real with him like that.

Yeah.

I was like, I was like, coach, I'm about to get the suspension, Like they're about to hand it out. I don't know where it's gonna be, but they handed something out, like and the day after it was like damn, like a year long and it was just like man like. But when it like I knew I wanted, but then when it hit, it was like it wasn't my anticipated like damn, Like I was still like just even more anxious,

Yeah, and so you're suspended all of seventeen.

Ye, then what happens, So like those first two months of the suspension, I'm still getting sucked up, right, even more so than before. Yeah, and then it's like like I basically like have like an overdose in my car, Like in Baltimore, like a quarter mile.

From the facility, in a grocery store.

Parking lot, you had an overdose. Yeah, Like I didn't want to. I didn't think much into it, but the it was like once people kind of described like overdoses and it was like I got there. It was only like a minute away from my apartment. I could have drove, but like I didn't feel like I could move, and then it was like daytime. I went to sleep, woke up it was nighttime. And then in the parking lot, and then it was like damn, like I didn't tell

What do you mean that was enough? You're saying that was that was your moment where you're like, yeah, for me, I'm a true junkie, Like I'm fucked.

Yeah, I'm willing to try anything at this point, like what I'm doing, like I'm not I'm not in control. Like I always thought like I could like control my situation and get high and then like everything would work out. But it was like, not like this, it ain't working out, Like this is like this is a sign to no, bro, Like this.

Is once you learned about the OD that's when you're like, this is the sign. No.

I mean just even after the experience, I didn't even learn yet. It was like that happened and I was just like, bro, this is scary, Like I'm not doing this no more. Like I didn't tell nobody about it, but I knew it was how me. I was like something guy changed. And I went home and it was like I went to you went home in Atlanta and the league was still getting my toxicology.

What time frame was this one was my in the car?

That was August eleven, twenty seventeen.

Oh shit, you know the day August eleven fifty. Then you go home win the next day.

Yeah, Because I was moving out of my apartment in Baltimore, it was like I was, yeah, you can't even go. And so it's like the league is still getting my tossed collegee results and they're like, we're scared for your life. You need to go to I went to this place in Atlanta, like a rehab facility, and I met with addiction specialist like when the counselor's there and he's like, yeah,

You're being liketed. Yeah, you're just all up.

Yeah, And he's like, you need to go to rehab asap, bro, like and I'm just like rehab, Like I'm not like that, like I could.

I still I'm a professional athlete.

I'm like, you know, providing all these images of to where it's like to make it seem like I'm not but I really am.

But then he's like you need to go like da da da da.

And I told my parents what they said, and my parents kept real with me about my family history and it's like addiction all over my family.

And then it's just like, yo.

Like when when when your parents found out did they have an idea you were like that or they were so caught off guard and then they.

Just so your suspension hit.

They was just like, bro, you are like well, they didn't really have much to say that they're just like yo, like what is going on? And it's just like then what But then like after I went to like I agreed to go to that place and they told me, like I need to go to rehab and I was like then they were like kind of saw like I guess like there was like one small step in the

And just like you're talking about the therapists there and everybody you're kind of talking to, You're like diving so deep into the root of like who you are. You're like, that's what that's what, that's what makes it, that's what made it fire. That's what made it such a positive experience.

Yes, it was just like complete game changer, complete game changer.

Yeah, that's incredible.

Yeah. And I came home and it was like, I'm a.

That's crazy, right, Oh, that's so dope.

I'm coming home, Like I come home from rehab and it's like like, sorry, I started going to like A and NA meetings in rehab.

Now, hang on. You went to rehab towards the end of August through the end of like you know, to October or something. Yep, Okay, so you went right in.

Yeah, and then yeah, I could start going to meetings while I'm there, and so when I come out, it's like kind of put a plan together. It's like the same place I went to meet with the addiction guys, Like I'm going to small group therapy once a week there, and it's like I'm going to two to three NA

During the season of twenty eighteen.

Yeah.

I started working there like Thanksgiving time in twenty seventeen.

Okay, yeah, yeah, my fault because you're suspended.

That whole year that's trough twenty seventeen. I worked through there till like the end of April. So I worked there for like six seven months almost.

Man.

Yeah, I dropped the bar on it in in my project. I was like, I was only making eleven fifty by the hour. You could check the wage fee. Yeah, I was making eleven fifty of working at Sprouts.

And You're going to all these meetings every week.

Yeah, I'm going to meetings like when I get out or like before I go in, because like I started, like my first day working there, they had me working like I got there like at night and had to work through the morning, and I was just like, I can't do this, Like just let me come in the afternoon and close the shop at night and I'll be straight. And they're like all right, So I'll go to meetings like before that or like the days I wasn't working,

Was going to sprouts and doing your thing and just.

Like looking at yourself in the mirror, shot out sprouts.

No free Shoto gotta say that you can't just shout out sprouts. But you know that's that's un that's unreal.

Dude.

When you got out of rehab, were you nervous to like go back out.

And yeah, but it was like.

I kind of be around people who you're like all.

Right, Yeah, the first the first six months, it was like.

I couldn't be around like things that were like people like being used in or anything. Like everytime I opened like the medicine cabinet, I'll just be like I had to shut it like dead ass. Like I would just be like and so, and then I'll be like super envious to people. It would be like, Yo, they can get fucked up all the time, like nothing happens like I get sucked up. I'm not even an asshole when I get sucked up. But I always seem to get in trouble out. Something always seems to go wrong.

And it's just like because for you it'll spiral.

Yeah, and it's just like why can't I do that?

But then like after like six months, like the first six months, I was just like going to meetings, but I wasn't like working the twelve Steps. When I started working the twelve Steps, it was like just like unlocked shit even more for me because it's just just like a deep dive into who you are, Like you don't even have to be a drug addict to like do twelve steps, but it's like that kind of shit like

That's when it started clicking.

And then it's just like ever since then, it was like the first six months, so I didn't want to didn't want to train.

Really. I started kind of working out. I couldn't make it through workouts. I got hurt.

But then there's like once it started opening up for me, I was like I'm not normal, Like I can't be doing things that normal people were doing. I got back into training and I was like just grinding like crazy, and then it was just like it's just shit just started clicking on so many levels and it was just like oh, like it was like.

I was clean.

So it was like I know, I'm on my p's and q's like when reinstatement hearing comes up, I'm gonna get reinstated, so I might as well get ready.

And it's like now I want to be back and it's like okay.

You're like itching to kind of play ball again.

Yeah, like like let's lock, let's get it. And then it's like I got reinstated in August. It was like August ninth of twenty eighteen. It was like they had already been done a couple of weeks of training camp. I came in. People on a team light they've seen a ghost when I came in, because it was just like I just kind of disappeared with no nob you were going for an entire year and didn't tell anyone, like it just happened.

And then it's nobody really.

Knew what you went through either, like the rehab and all that. Maybe maybe a couple of guys, but you're just kind of kind I.

Don't think anybody did. I ain't talk to nobody in the team.

No onehew, you were working at Sprouts, no one there. You went thirty five days of rehab and then a whole year passes, and you fucking come back and you're you're like primed.

Like I came into training camp.

Brother, they thought, I mean, most people will think that it's like, all right, he'd been out suspended life for he's finna be come back, and he's not finna have it like he' finla lost a step.

He sure playing like a drug addict.

Somebody somebody, yeah, somebody competing with you. Like I'm not too worried.

I came in the first day of training, came with cooking everybody, and they were just like, oh man, because they had drafted the two tight ends, rookie tight ends, Mark Andrews and Hayden Hurst were really good players, so they're invested in them, and it's like I'm there, and it's just like I think it just kind of threw a wrench of all their planning and like, dang, like we gotta like because then after that, it was just like the practice reps went down in the game, We're

Yeah, and talk about just for a tangent, just for a second, Like teams will do that, like if you're you're a beast, like say, yeah, I mean you were in a rook at this point, but a lot of rookies say they go undrafted or their later rounds or something like, they will suppress their reps and not show them off in the preseason games because they want to sneak them onto a practice squad, so they don't want other thirty the other thirty one teams that like have

Yep. So I wouldn't getting no burn. Like it was like people were watching the game.

It's just like looking out for me, like when you're gonna get in And I was like, bro, I have no idea.

But you're cooking everybody in practice your Yeah, Like that.

First day, it was it was just known and everybody was just like shit, he's back.

And then like after that, it was just like it wasn't like getting at like my reps kind of decreased. You still get a lot of working in training. Campus are trying to rest them guys. But when it came to the games, I wasn't getting a lot of playing time. And you know, I respected it because I knew what it was and like my mind, my mind frame was different. It was like, Okay, like this is how it's gonna be.

I'm this.

I did this.

They know who I am. I didn't think none of that. I was just like this is where I'm at. Cool, like lock in. I'm going to the number one defense in practice every day of practice during the week. I'm gonna if I cook them, if if it's God's will for me to play after that, then I'm gonna play. I'm gonna be ready because I'm playing number one defense every day in the league, no doubt.

C J.

Mosley is a Darius Smith on the Green Bay Packers, Tony Jefferson, Eric Weddle, Jimmy Smith, Marlon Humphrey, like the top defense in the league. And so it's like I'm going against them every day and it's like battling. It's like I'm winning there, winning and it's like I kept getting better every week every week.

Then it's like I.

Had one week it was like I think it was the week where the Raiders played the Ravens, and I was just like damn, like like I'm doing good, like I'm staying built up.

I'm positive.

Where it's like maybe I'm not, maybe I'm not meant to play enough the game again, like but I am enjoying being at practice and just like playing the art just it's just the craft of football, and it's like, so I'm enjoying that. And then it's like before all the games, I would me and RG three, would you know everybody's throwing a T shirt and shorts?

Yeah, we would throw. Everyone would throw, and then after everyone went inside me and RG three. Then sometimes there's why she was Jordan Lesley. We would throw like an extra twenty, like an extra twenty routes to catch an extra twenty balls from RG three.

Yeah shout three, yes, sir, shout three three, and we would get working and it was just like so before the Raiders game, it was just like I think only was they were just out there just like I don't know what they were doing their warm ups, but they looked over and saw me working out. They was like, who is that running around on Who's only Greg Olsen, the offensive coordinator for the Raiders, Okay, and he's like,

And then the next day in.

The morning, I got my window in my side window knocked off my jeep, so I had to go to like.

This collision center.

So I'm there early in the morning, like trying to get a new mirror, get an estimate. My agent hits me is like the Raiders are putting you on their active roster, and it's like like you're probably gonna leave today, and it's just like I'm just like wait, what, Like I had no.

It's like I get back and talk to him.

It's like yeah, They're like they're signing you to the active roster, like they want you to leave in a few hours. And then it's like the rule where you know, if somebody activates you off the practice squad, your own team can activate you too, And so Harball was like the whole time, they'd been like, man, like you know, if somebody goes down, you'll be the next guy up, Like you'll be ready da da dah.

I'm just like, did they try to up your pay on practice squad? Na to match? Because sometimes if they don't want guys to go, they'll match the practice squad's salary. Like I think you get paid one twelve or one oh two on practice squad, they'll match like four or five hundred thousand dollars, so you don't leave and stay.

I ain't getting none of that.

You didn't get none of that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it was like something like something with my signing bonus where like I didn't play a certain amount of games or something where they were recanning money for my signing bonus, so they were cutting my practice squad checking half. I was making like sixty six before taxes, so.

I wasn't making it. I was making pay Yeah. And then but.

Yeah, so then they like, I'm like, yo, I harbor my agents, Like Harball is gonna call you. And it's like he calls me. It's just like, hey, like you should stay. Like the next week we're playing in the in Atlanta. He was like, you'll be in your hometown, you'll be active, you'll be playing. He's like, I've been waiting for this opportunity, cause they've been told me like we're trying to get you up, We're trying to get you up, and I'm just.

Like it's in one year out the other.

Yeah, like if you want to give me up, give me.

Because they see what I'm doing in practice, and it's just like okay, like when these things are out of my control. And so he's like you should stay. Like he's like, then it's like you don't know what's going to happen out there when you go to Oakland, Like you don't know like what that situation is going to

And then there's a.

Couple dus out there. They're like, yo, like chill out, like what's going on? Like I was like, no, this how this is how I'm used to in Baltimore. But it's like it just turned up from there. Like I didn't like the first game. I sat out because I got there and I just had to like learn to playbook and stuff. Then the next week I got in there, I was playing a few players. I got there on special teams and people didn't know I played gunner in my first two years in Baltimore.

Yo, a tight end out there had fucking Gunner.

Dude, I was playing gunner and I had like quite a few tackles at it.

Well, yeah, who we got. We got to a couple of tackles ship.

But they had but Rich was like, like, what position you play? I was like, I played gunner and he was like, you don't play gunner. Then he went out and found film because like my second year, we had played Dallas when Rich was there and I was out there at Gunner, like running down there on Gunner, and he was like, you did play Gunner.

It's against him because he was on he was coaching the Cowboys at the time.

So I got there in the Steeters game and like they tried to dope me outside and I just like threw both dudes to the ground, like were into the ball, and they were just like, what is happening? And I'm just like I'm just like trying to take advantage of everything, like I'm just like flying around.

And then in the in your off time too, is this when you're really getting into music?

I wasn't really.

I wasn't really doing any music when I was there, Like for when I got practice squad, like I was making beasts. Like I was staying with my aunt and uncle in Maryland, like you have my own crib, and I was in their basement just making beats the whole time. But I got the Oakland, I was like, you were locked in on Oaka. I was like out here for five game, playing five games and we just locked in.

Yeah.

And then after that second game where I got in and played a little bit, we played at Cincinnati, and I touched the ball twice and the first one was they handed me like a jet suite out of like a three tight end personnel and I ran for like twenty five something.

Yards and everybody was just like what is Like what is this?

And it's just like and then the second time I caught like a shallow crossroud, I ran for like forty five yards, like all the way down to the goal line, and it's just like at that moment, I was like, I ain't played organized football in two years, but I was like, I like I'm here, like I know, like it's time now.

Yeah. Yo, that's fucking awesome. Man. Then you so you finished up the year with Oakland. Everybody's obviously excited about you probably going into the next year. What is your battle like with substances or being around guys or anything like that? At this point? Are you pretty locked in and you're not really uh, you're not really giving an opportunity for it, Like you're in the extended, say I assume even.

Though no I'm not. I'm in Atlanta right.

Now when you're in those last five games, Yeah, I was at the extending Yeah, that's what I'm saying. How was your what was your mental like with like drugs and stuff or alcohol or anything. Were you just not even giving it an opportunity.

It wasn't even I was going to meetings. I was locked in feeling good on my recovery year, and you're.

Like feeling good about Darren Waller, Like it wasn't even a thought in your mind, right.

And then it's like you get around guys and just like we kind of have like Bible study and like kind of like like you just be like open floor like talking and I would just kind of like you know, say something, say something about like what I was going through, what I had gone through. Like the first time, people were just kind of like whoa, Like you're really talking about this ship and I was just like.

I mean, I'm sitting here on the bus like yo, man, it's open.

But then after that, like people were like, you know, they'll walk me, and like it was just like I could say anything and they were just like hey, like like like that's real, Like we just they're just listening to me. They weren't judging me or anything. And so it's like once I realized that, it was just like it made me want to be build more relationships with the team and just be more open around the team.

You know, I'm doing it for the team.

And it's like whereas before it's like also wrapped up with myself and just like I'm trying to get high, like the world is caving down on me. I'm just so worried about myself. I wasn't really worried about anybody else, and now it's real, man, So it's like that kind of opened up for me. It's just like okay, like so I'm just playing for it's bigger than me.

Now. That's when it started clicking in and it's just like, you know, keep building on it.

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You got after the first after like the fifth game.

And you're just you're just a monster in training camp and everything. I was watching because I was watching your Hard Knocks thing last night, It's like, yo, the boy Darren's a beast.

And it was it was just bro.

It was just really weird because it's just like I never started or nothing, but I was just like I was just like ready for it. I don't know, it was just it's still hard for me to wrap my mind around all of that. I'm just like, how fast everything kind of happened?

Yeah. But but yeah, then.

I saw the Madden guys ask you about your sixteenth Madden rating. You're like, yeah, it should be that, and you didn't bother you.

Oh yeah, I mean what do you think?

What do you think it should be now?

I mean we got to be up around like mid eighties right now, don't we.

I think so? I think so and Campbells were talking about it. How many tight ends? Where do you think you rank at the tight end world after this.

Year you had?

Uh?

I mean it's a lot of good tight ends.

Brou You know who you know who's coming on the bus Monday? George Kittle? Nice So Kittle will be on so that'll be dope. He's actually he lives out here, oh in Nashville, so that'll be a good one.

Yeah.

But we were talking him like, yo, man, he's got to be top five. Yeah, he's saying top three. I mean, it's just you just don't know all the tight ends that are. I can't like remember all the names that are out there. But yeah, the boy's a beast.

He's had a good tight ends though.

Shout at him, Yeah, shout out to the tight ends. Man, We're about to be a little tight end you and him. We got him and George Kittle back to back. Wow, We're going to try to get Cayle Rudolph on. We met him out of Miami. You know, this pod fires me up. What makes you want to be so open about it? Honestly? What makes you like want to answer all these questions and be so truthful and kind of get your story out there like you you basically have on this pod.

So once I kind of said like things like bigger than me, I kind of looked and started tapping into the mind of someone that was me when I was like fifteen, and I was just like, told you, it was just like I felt like I had nothing going on.

So it's like I feel like it would be a.

Shame if I didn't say nothing, Like if I was just quiet and like no I'm not talking about.

It, that I would be like that'd be a shame.

I feel like, do you speak?

Yeah? I started sharing that like recovery meetings, and then.

I was like I share that like my high school and sharing that schools, like sharing that some some camps like in the Atlanta area. Yeah, any opportunity somebody gives me to speak, I'm all over it.

That's awesome, man, I did. I'm fired up for you. I didn't know any of this stuff about you, Like I knew obviously watching a couple of videos and literally like when I see the videos, like when I'm watching it last night before you come on, I'm just like, Yo,

There's people I had I.

Was like best friends with for since I was a kid, like for double digit years, and then here to shit come out there like I didn't even know. So it's like I'm not talking. I wasn't talking to nobody about nothing. It was just like, you know, I was just in my own world, just hidding.

And that's super real because so many people go through things and me, I've you know, fortunately, I haven't been down or beens that involved in something that that abusive or anything like that. But people have so many like

Yeah, there's a few fan questions. Uh do you have a favorite John Gruden story?

Oh? There we go, Yo. It's a lot of stuff that Darren waller Man.

Nah.

I mean, I'll probably say my favorite is.

Darren waller Man making some big plays over overcoming the adversity. Knock on wood if you're with me, knock on wood for Darren waller Man.

I mean, I just remember, like when I first got there, he was just like.

Hey, Hey, knock on wood.

Oh yeah, Gruden.

When I first got there, like all the practice squad, he was like, you're gonna do great things for He's gonna be great, and it's just like I wouldn't even think like that, and I was just like, let's just not fuck this up this time.

That's just like the time, man, let's just not ruin it.

Like I feel like I could do good enough if we just don't ruin it myself, like yeah, my own way. But Gruden's like talking like greatness out the gate, and

That's why, Yeah, he fires me up man, Like you know, I'm mid year free agent, thirty years old, like note wondering if it might be my last year since I'm a midyear guy, you know what I mean, Like you

Yeah, it's just like people kind of think like because when he came from Monday Night Football, he signed like a like a for a bag, like yeah, and a hundred million.

People were just like, you know this just for his profile.

It's just like he just doing this so like so his name gets up like he's doing it for himself. But it's like now he really cares, like he really fucking came out there, and he'd be out there in the walkthrough. It's like he has his next sweat, Like he'd just be sweating like in the walkthrough and like coaching and like going through the plays like all the details and it's like you can't do that if you don't care.

And he tells his players he loves them all the time.

Right, And it's just like he's so invested. It's like like tell a tell a fan that things like he just out here just like just for his own like bravado, Like just come to practice and see like how into.

It he is, and you'd be like, oh, this dude cares.

Oh he cares. And then you win games and he's out there like in the stands with fans. Yeah. There, Like the first week, the first week I was there because I was I was like thrown into the fire in the first week. He's like hey, it's like I think it was like Friday or Saturday. He's like, hey, you feel good about everything? And I was like yeah. He's like you're getting everything. I was like, yeah, I'll be straight. Something into my mind, like yeah, I can

Three years in August.

YEP, that fires me up, dude, And man, I fucking root for Darren Waller. You know again, like I didn't know. I didn't know this in depth story about you. I just know what I've seen on fucking YouTube and Hard Knocks for two and a half minutes. It's a real convenient that they got you with your shirt off, working out, really sweating, and that's real convenient of you. Yeah, fucking out there looking shredded, no pause, real fucking convenient. Hey,

Like you're Yeah. I had to.

I sprained my ac joint inte training camp, and so there's a few days where I couldn't practice, so I was like trying getting my extra work in and that was later in the day. And then like the way they had their tent set up was like right where the workout area was, and they were just over there sitting down like not doing anything. They saw me working out. I look over they grabbing all this ship, like picking cameras. They had to come over here, and.

You just start fucking going up. I was already going, but then you really started to go.

On, and I was like, let me just tune people out.

Bro. They got that camera, the camera, I was fucking I was watching boy fuck dude, Hey thanks again. Man. Do you do you have Is there any any advice you give people going through anything? Like I think one big takeaway I kind of look at from a lot of this is how much your environment matters. How much who you surround yourself with matters. You know what I mean?

You got to you got to dig deep into yourself and look at everything, like especially the ugly parts, but the good, the good parts and the bad parts too. You got to learn how to forgive yourself because you get let a lot, you let a lot of guilt and shame build up, and it's just like once you do that, it's like, you know, it's hard to do

It's just like.

Smith, like get through everything that, like look at the entire picture, don't just because most people will look at it and be like ooh, like I'm not going there, like I'll talk about everything but this, like you need to talk about that.

But this, that's awesome.

Man.

You're a stud bro here, and I appreciate you sharing your story on here. I don't know where all you've shared your story, if you've or if it's been out there like that, but this is really fucking cool, dude. I appreciate you, appreciate having you got anything before we go? You want to learn anything, any history on the bus, anything.

Get me a rundown, bro. I've been looking around.

We see all these stickers, right, we gotta put we gotta put more on. But you saw the boys where the boys with barstool. Now, like you're in a pretty big deal of a bus.

This wild Yeah, these stickers are real deal.

What I mean, I think it's crazy that you want to come on and talk about all this ship Like what you know?

I got something?

What do you Darren?

Do you have anybody in the music industry who like inspired you to like start creating music, or is there somebody that you like.

I learned that my great grandfather is a is a jazz legend. Really, Fats Waller is a jazz legend. In it again, fat swallow jazz legend. I got him tatted. I got my skinny jeans on. It's gonna take me fifteen minutes to get these jeans off, but I got tatted on my leg. My great my great grandfather tatted on my leg. But once I kind of learned about his history, it was like it opened my mind up to more music because I was just listening to too

And it was like, all right, any music talent in me.

I got to maximize like while I'm here, like we got too many days promises, like it'd be a waste because maybe my music could touch people.

So it's like, let's like let's get it. Like it makes me feel good too, so like let's let's attack it.

So it was like once I learned like the history of my family, it was like, oh yeah, like we finna get Yeah, we gotta go.

That's fucking cool. Man. I hope you're I hope you're proud of yourself because you should be.

Yeah, I'm just trying not to get like complacent and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's weird when somebody like tooting your own horn. You're kind of sitting there. You don't know how to like react to it because you're but you've came along. I mean that's a hell of a story. And I'm fucking I'm stoked for you. Man. Hopefully we're teammates again this year.

Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm on the table for you.

Oh good. Let them know because the boys are free agents, so uh yeah, man, I'll.

Take right now.

Yeah, Hey, we getting the boy bag. Nah. They were a fan. We had the eggsit meetings were good. You never know you know how that shit works too. I mean I was on the quote unquote the street for a little bit of last year, thirty year old white boy and drafted, So you don't know how people are gonna fucking portray everything, you know what I mean? Like objectively, you're not like, oh, I mean, honestly, everybody's talking about

Yeah, it's been about an hour and a half. But like you said, man, we can go all day.

Man.

And I appreciate you just opening up too, man, and just I mean, the amount of people that you're probably gonna hampact with this story is just absolutely incredible, man, So appreciate appreciate.

Where you staying at in Nashville.

I'm at the Higatt House.

The spot that's link I shot you. Yeah, shut out, no free shoutouts. What I eat for dinner, I'll tell you what. We got some spots. Who's hey, who who's paying? Anybody paying? I'm just kidding. What are you feeling? Do you have any vibe that you're feeling, because I mean I have a whole list.

Man.

Uh if it's barbecue.

I'm the least piggy eater you ever meet.

Are you a like what what type of genre? What type of style of food you like? I'm like twisting the ship out of this. I've never like been like this on a pod.

Like.

I don't know if it's the caffeine I'm feeling inspired. I don't know what all it.

Isn't I don't know what food I don't like bro like that ass.

Well, you got to give me something because I can point you in a direction. I'm telling you, Nashville's got a lot of food, a lot of bad food, some good food out there. If you want something healthy, true food kitchen, no free shoutouts, but true food kitchens.

Or true food I've been here, yeah, oh yeah, I've been.

To that one when we went to uh when we went to play the Falcons, Me and the boys ate it. True food kitchen again, no free shout out, True food kitchen. Good food there. Obviously, you can eat healthy if you want to indulge in some barbecue, or you can eat healthy and barbecue, you just don't dip in the sauce, and you can get gluten freeze. You're right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I forget like it takes it takes a lot of work to look this average for me, but I know

Hat hot is it?

Because I'm like my spice tars has increased, but I'm still not There's.

Different levels, there's different levels, and it's it's not that overwhelming either. You got Hattie Bees, which is the touristy spot, No free shadouts Hatty Bees. You got what is it, Princess Chicken. I've heard a lot of ribs about that. Never eating there, but people say Princess Chicken. It's kind of like, Okay, you go to Hattie Bees, it's touristy. But if there's also Princess, no free shoutouts? Again, what else we got? You want to go and sit down and listen to live music?

That fire.

There's some good music around here. Man. We were at Acme feeding Seed last night. No free shoutouts at me feeding Seed.

Yeah, they got killer sushi there.

Killer Yeah. They got sushi on the you'll go up to the second floor and you can order sushi on that floor. But if you on the first floor, it's kind of a walk up register menu. You order like you can get a hot chicken there. You can get a bunch of different dishes there, and you go and sit and the music is on the first floor. They usually have a band playing the stillery. Either in downtown

Yeah, yeah, what has stood out? I'm loving the band. It's the ACD.

No ackemy feed and seat that's on the corner. That's on the corner of Broadway Broadway. You can walk them down. A lot of live music, but a lot of action. I don't know how much you want to surround yourself with action. I don't know, Like I'm just I'm just trying to be for the boy. But it's live, it's lit up. There's bands playing all down Broadway. There's there's probably music in Midtown. But again, like a lot of people go out there. Broadway is a very touristy street.

Those?

A's some good spots right there, good local spots that I I like to go and indulge in. But hey, that's all we got. Man, fucking love this podcast. I think it's number fucking one solid, But you're the man. What's up? Bloss Absolutely number one? Hold one. I thought we might have had to do something, but hey, I appreciate he I fucking appreciate you.

Thank you.

Thank you for opening it up. Man, Darren Waller, fucking Pro Bowl this year, I'm calling it. We're gonna sell out for you, so you don't got to worry about that on Twitter. We got your presence on Twitter, but we got you man. Hey, Oh and where are you out on Instagram? Where can people follow you?

It's Rack Wall with two k's r A c kk wall w A.

L L hang on, slow that down r A c kk.

Rack with two k's and Wall Rack.

Wall r A c kk w A l L.

Yeah, I got that from Racking Willey. You've seen Rack and Wielly on YouTube. No, I have not look that up.

But you're gonna have your own YouTube channel. Do you know what it's gonna be called? Because here's where you plug your ship. Talk about Apple Music and Spotify. What do you look up again? If you want to search your music, look up D Wall D Space Wall. First project was called better Call Wall like Better Call Saul Love. Then the second project is Wall Street. Wall Street is the newest one. Wall Street got any kind of mood?

Damn? Is that the ab rap video?

Yeah?

Funk I wanted, I wanted. I wanted to ask you about it.

And I want to go yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, before we go. What was it like with Ab?

I mean Ab, I mean AB was me and him at locker We were locker mats in the spring, and I mean any conversation I had with AB was like real you know, yeah, So, I mean I appreciate AB. I don't know exactly to the extent of what he's going through. Only thing I have to say is I just hope he addresses everything, like full spectrum and whatever help he needs, whatever wherever he needs to go to,

Yeah, I mean you saw a legitimate peak rise of somebody just to fall and not necessarily rock bottom, but a rise and fall all within one year, all within months, honestly.

Yeah.

So I'm one of them people that's like people look at AB and it's like, damn AB doing this, damn AB doing that. Fucking wrong with AB, I'm looking at a B like I'm trying to understand, Like I'm not from a place of condemning. I try to understand just because of I've been through caause I know people like this dude's junkie drug at it like just throwing stones. But it's like, who was really taking the time to understand,

That's I mean just from a I'm a pure I'm the purest outsider there can be. I don't know, but you just feel like there's a lot of probably yes men around him. I mean you and know more than me. But when you're saying that, it's like, hopefully he has somebody around and you know, sort of check him or like have conversations to try to get to the root of like what's going on. But as a pure outsider, it is it's like you feel like he's surrounded by a lot of yes men. And he needs to do

Think if he were to get into a I mean, like I said, I don't know what's going on in his life, but if he gets into a rehab environment, his work ethic really is crazy, like I seen it. So if he gets into environment where he's working on himself, I feel like his work ethic will come back out again. He can really like when he starts working on himself, that football work ethic will translate and then that will

Yeah, that's real the good reminder blast because we had alec Engold on here too, and I forgot to ask him about AB and he was talking to me about him afterwards, but kind of like the same stuff. It's kind of like, hey, it's all happening. He's a good dude. He's an awesome like yeah dude in person and teammate and stuff, and it's just like there's just constant drama and addressing and you know, apologizing in front of the team, and then it goes to like another action says something

Yeah, I see that, And it's just like I can't even if I'm talking about AB. I'm a bigges hypocrie in the world because I was up like I told you about the combine, like just line the people straight up, and it's just like, yeah, no, I can't. I can't say nothing bad by AB. I just hope A B does what he did needs to do for himself, because you know, if he does what he needs to do to get back into the game of football, the game of football is going to end, and like you got sixty more.

Years to live.

It's like no question.

Yeah, that's what I feel like helped me with football because like I did all that stuff to like really focus on me, like I didn't really want to play for a while, and then it's like.

Now I'm here.

It's like an added bonus to be playing football because it's like if you do it for you, like then everything else like that's supposed to come to you in your life is gonna come to you.

So man, shout out to ab.

Bro shout out ab Free shout outs. He's a boy, all right, We're good man, drop the hook. Love you guys, a subscribe rate review lead fun of reviews, follow us busting WTB. We have a YouTube channel buzzing with the Boys. Uh yeah, share it screw from the top of Mountain. We love you big hugs, Huney kisses the Boys.