Bert Kreischer (pt. 2)

Oh we're rolling back. Okay, So here's the deal. It is Monday right now, to me, to you, it's Thursday. The reason why is your boy steps in here Monday at one point thirty. The boys in the back setup, they do all the technical stuff, do little Rayman type shit, little napster type shit, Italian job type shit. I come in, I say, hey, welcome to Busting with the Boys, the greatest podcast of all time, presented by the beautiful, durable,

Uh?

Are we rolling back? Uh? I? Did you get my question?

Or no?

Hey?

A lot of adversity on the bus so far, boys, a lot of it. What's that little pivot? Little pivot? Boss looked at I said, we lost thirty minutes, but we actually didn't lose any minutes.

Little panic.

It's like when you're pregnant and then she goes, I haven't felt it kick in a while, and you're like what yeah, And then that's why I couldn't have a baby inside me, because I would be so nervous that it's stopped kicking, and then she goes out there it goes and you're like, like when you're.

To bring it up when you're in high school and your girls like, oh, I'm late.

Oh I've never had that. Oh for real, I never had about wearing condoms, Like I didn't wear.

No, I don't wear a yeah, I work condom. One time, girl was on birth control.

Like it's like, oh yeah, yan, those were fucking those were corns in college.

But I didn't. We're talking high school cameras see meat. For me, I wore a condom the first time, like the second time, and like the third time and then but by the fourth time it was the same girl and she was like, go ahead, rip it off, and me it was like, this is actual sex, Like there is the greatest thing. One of him is Like the economy is just a wasteland.

That's fuck it.

I'll never rather not have sex. Yeah. If I shen't my wife, I'm definitely not wearing a condom. She should know that. He yeh yeah yeah.

But we were on the bus, we were talking about close calls. We were in Tallahassee, and I was I was, I looked at a place where a girl.

Told me she thought she was pregnant.

I looked at it and I was like, yeah, man, that was a close call in our camp and we're like, anyone ever had a close call? And our cameraman, John Mann's goes, I had a close call once. We're like really, He's like, yeah, luckily she took care of it. And we're like, oh, that's not a close call. That's an importion.

Hopefully sh d oh.

Comedy.

Yeah, yeah, when did you start doing comedy?

First time I did comedy?

I was It was nineteen ninety seven in Tallahassee at pop Elli's. Now, I played baseball with the guy. You know what, I don't even think it's just I guess it is. I guess there is this part of the chain now. But uh, I played baseball guy named Brad Radkey my whole life. He ended up playing for the Twins. Uh.

What amazing baseball player, amazing pitcher my whole life.

Growing up.

I would get in the car with my dad and go, how come everyone says he'll definitely go pro? But no one says that about me, and my Dad's like, buddy, he just does it differently. Like, there's something effortless when Brad plays that you don't question if it's going to be great. You just wonder how great it's gonna get. And he was like, Brad could. Brad would come out to baseball practice. He played basketball also, he'd come out in high tops and his basketball offit to just take VP.

And he was a pitcher and he's hit.

Twelve home runs, just hit twelve home runs effortlessly, and when he pitched, there was so much movement on his ball that he didn't even know why.

It's just it's the way he was built different.

And my dad goes, Buddy, the goal in your life should be to find the thing that's Brad Radkeys baseball. Like find the thing that you love that it's effortless and that you that you go, oh, I think I'm pretty good at this. And when I first did stand up, I called my dad and when I got back to my apartment and I said, I think I found my my Brad Radkey baseball.

He actually said that same term.

Well, it was it was.

It was just something that we talked about because that it bothered me that because I thought I'd go pro and baseball. I mean, I got recruited to play by Duke in the Citadel, but I thought I would. I thought I'd end up playing professional baseball. And it just didn't like it. It didn't manifest. I didn't have whatever the long strand DNA is that fucking makes gives you explosivity,

And then the next time I went on stage it was even better. And it was in New.

York and I destroyed, I mean me and Dimitri Martin with the two people that night that killed on stage. And then I was like, yeah, this is my thing. I mean, I really loved it. I mean it connected with everything about me. The things that people got bothered with me about that were like Jesus Christ for dinner. I won't shut up. He keeps selling stories. Well, you do get on stage and it's like, oh, tell more stories,

Be something else, and then it wasn't really like.

Uh, like I don't know, ironic or like clever clever with your comedy where it's like where you go, oh yeah, that math does work out, you know, like it's explain this.

It was big then, it's not very big right now.

But it's like Jenny Garofo is an alt comic the State Patton Oswald technically, although.

I think he's never he's fucking hilarious.

But and then, and then when I started doing podcasts, I started really finding my voice of a comic where I was like, oh yeah, storytelling. I like storytelling. It's like when I when you tell the story about the roll NECKX and for me, I I love a good story.

I love it. I love the show.

It's a great story. It's a great story.

Here's how can I tell you what you know?

Here's can I so I.

What you want to know?

So I at one point I wanted to do a podcast called let Me tell you Your Story because people can tell stories that sucks stories. They have good stories, but I can always see the punch up in the story. So like the punch up in your story. The thing that makes your story amazing is you start this story. Is you need to start your story with I'm usually want to be the life of the party, but when it comes to weddings, I like to take a back seat.

I get him. Then then you want to the roll X story.

Right then you go into this, but then your story ends with you in the river and you go so like you start trying to be noble. This is the journey of every everyone in the Bible. You try to be noble, you try to be great, Temptation comes your way.

It's not your fault.

God damn it. I was just being a friend. You're on the hook. I'm taking bullets everywhere. I got to watches on.

I look over.

He's in the fucking river like a beaver passed out. Picture comes up, boom, thank you, good night.

That's all life show story.

Because hey that picture. Use me up. I'm over there too, Watches I look over.

I told, uh, there's a guy I tell this.

I tell him.

He he we've talked about it. I don't know if we've talked about it totally. So Brenney Shaw had a great, great fucking story. He's a good storyteller. Well, he had a great story about fighting uh Kyle uh fighting the guy for the championship.

Right.

If you know that name, it's the big Waian Travis Travis Brown.

So he goes, hey, man, I'm doing this story, Alrea.

He hit me up.

He's like, he's telling the story on storytelling show. Can you help him tell his story, and I was like, yeah, it's easy tof It's easy, very easy when you hear someone's story to find the peaks, the arcs, the where it needs to land. So he came to my house and he told me the story. It was an hour long. I've recorded all but I recorded all of it. And then I said, it's a great fucking story when fighting for the championship in the UFC.

How does this not a great story? It's just long?

And what he found important in the story were things that I didn't find important. He wanted to tell you how hard he was training for the fight, which I don't give a fuck, and I'm sure you are. He wanted to tell you the things that he didn't find important I found really important, like the walk out, like the walk in versus the walk out, Like I found that fucking fascinating, of like you're the greatest and then you're walking out you're a fucking bum, you know, Like I found that fascinating.

So I say we.

Get done, and I go, okay, can I.

Can I just tell you your story? And he was like yeah.

So I told him his story back to him in ten minutes, and the look on his face was like and then what happened? And it was like so much fun? But you can do that. My cameraman, John Mann's has the greatest stories ever, the guy about the post call, but he can't tell his story to save his life. One time he was shooting for National Geographic and they're shooting the ten most deadly snakes.

So they take him out in the middle of the desert to film them.

Right, they want to film them in their national habitat, and so the first one they're gonna do is a spitting co but they have nine other snakes. They're gonna have spitting cobra first. So they're like, we go to the camera set up. They're the middle of the desert. The jeep's over there, all right, is everyone ready? And they're like yep. They're like all right, everyone's got protection,

They're like, motherfucker.

Yeah.

They get to.

Their camp where it's all open air tents and they park the jeep and they're like, everyone go to bed and they're like, is.

It cobra still in the fucking jeep And they're.

Like no, no.

He goes.

I had the worst night sleep of my life. But he tells this story and it's so boring. It's so boring because he tells you the stuff.

You don't care.

We're shooting on the camera. The cana next fells, these cameras, know, these cameras, and you're like, get the fucking camera out of the story. My wife, My wife can't tell a story to save her fucking life. Really, it's like you were three pages out of Moby Dick and just starts there there was a whale.

You're like, wait, what the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah?

How did you become so well versed telling stories?

I think I think going to an all boys cap high school started it, and then I think a lot of a lot of telling the machine and figuring out how to tell the machine, and then within telling the machine, getting ready for especially I started realizing the number one thing a story needs.

Is an end, like it's got it.

People have to know it's over and and and if you don't have an end to a story, it doesn't it doesn't work. And that was with the machine. The end was initially so I understand, you're in the machine. Tonight you party with us. That's what I thought the end was. But it wasn't because the audience tells you what the end is. They'll tell you by applause. So I goes to tonight You're party with us, and everyone was still on the thing. They're like, did you party

But I don't have an end to it because I.

Don't remember it. I don't really remember it. Yeah, Like I didn't. I was never telling it. And then my daughter called one night on stage and I answered it. She goes, are you telling me the escape room story? And I was like, no, should I? She was like, it was hilarious.

Dad.

Papa threw Nana into a wall and I was like, oh, she goes, you remember you farted in the crawl space.

I was like, no, I don't.

She goes, Dad, the only reason when we went is to watch you and Papa meltdown, and I went for real.

She was like, Dad, you've got to tell it.

So I tell it with her on the phone and she's punching it up because she was there.

She remembers it.

And I'm like, it's on stage, just on stage in some fucking theaters, three thousand people. And I'm like, she's on the phone, FaceTime, Georgia, I'm telling it. She's punching it up, telling me what happened.

Do you remember, Dad?

It was fucking The house was painting black because it was an escape room, but they're normally a mall's sister was in a dude's house and it was paint in black, and he was in character He's like have you seen mother?

My Dad's like fuck this.

And so I started out, but I don't have an end of the story because I really don't remember the story. I mean, I know I was there, but I was having a panic attack the whole time, and so I don't remember much of it.

Like I remember having a.

Panic attack the whole time.

I was having a panic cooct because I don't, like, I can't be in confined spaces, like like if you.

Lock a door on me, I start going like what's going on here? You know? And so like I can't.

Scuba dive because I feel like I have to be down there for that period of time.

I don't know whatever it is. I had a panic attack.

I thought I was gonna ship my pants the whole time, And so I don't have an end to the story yet.

And once I find that end.

Once I find that end, then the middle stuff gets great because one, because right now you're just kind of like like doing this in a story like this worked, you know, like you're scrambling, and then once you get that end, then you can you can really work out it. I had this great story about winning a raffle. It's a great story, true story, great story, great story that I told on the podcast a couple of times. But I didn't have an end to it, like I just

How does this figure it out?

Once you know you have the end, you can take as much time as you want in the middle and make it great. The end of your story is you in the fucking river. The end of the story is you told me a story. We said, I don't I like to be the end of the attention. But I don't like to do that. At weddings, I remind myself there's such a noble mirror and sleep in a river, and I go, wait, tell me, tell me how we

And then the fucking text you yet.

I mean, there's so.

Much meat to that story that if I had that story, I'd be like, oh, fucking off to the race.

You have it. I gotta do five minutes as Zanny's day after tomorrow, it's.

Five minutes you came. No one tell one story in five minutes. Do you know what joke? Do you know what jokes you want to tell?

New dad jokes?

Okay, to run a by me, I'll help you.

I don't want to do it. I want to hear that.

No, No, that is why.

That is why I don't want any of my boy We're not going to say, okay, I would talk with burd in private.

That's crazy. What you're gonna have to go and see. I'm gonna be there, That's what I told you. I know you are. I'm gonna last super hard, no matter what I know. But you can't hear.

Don't give a joke about being defensive, being playing defense your whole life, and so your natural instinct me. You see something holding it is to try to swat it and get it out of their hands. And so that's been pretty problematic with your wife carrying the baby around the house.

No, it's a good joke, but.

If you do the real terminology of whatever, we've been doing drills. I've been doing drills to get that fuck.

You don't swat, you stab. You gotta stab through, stab through the way to get through. If you stab, you're much more likely to get that ball out.

You got to get it out of that brown blanket. I got, I got?

What is it? What is it called? When you have PTSD? Or I got? You can't came wrap the baby in a brown blanket?

Have a flashback?

Having a flashback.

That's a good one.

Comment because I don't want to talk about that's crazy.

Dude, you when you or did you writing? So? Is that what you do is your whole stand up stories and you tell or do you kind of hit some punch?

I have? So what I do is I write. I write very broadly. I write everything. I write everything in little jokes, big jokes. I have some tent poles where I go escape room. Has been something that that I've I've wanted to do but I couldn't do And then it wasn't until Georgia brought it up that I thought I could do it. But I have some tent poles of like bigger stories, and then I have little stuff that I write, like I was at a soccer game

Says soccer is a lot like strip clubs.

And he's like, how so I go, you can't use your hands, No one scores, and it's better when they don't speak English. And he was like, it's good joke, and I went cool. And then I go, I put that somewhere. And so now my goal is to do the hour you form the hour. No, you want to structure it so you're not repeating your but you want to have a lot of little jokes that you can sprinkle in, like uh.

And then sometimes you'll tell a joke you didn't even know, like Dad of the Night.

I almost said I went for a jog, and they just started laughing and I went, oh, that's right, you don't think I jog, Yeah, of course, yeah. And then I was in Baltimore, and I was like, I went for a jog here today. It's amazing this city. If you're in the wrong neighborhood, a jog really quick turns into a run and and and I was like, okay, that works. And then I had this one where I

I've got a good couple of good stories.

With Ilah, but I don't have anything like standing out for me that's really like and there's little things she said because she's growing up. But like the other day, I was to a documentar around Gandhi and I was like, I just I didn't realize what I said. But I was like, I don't really get hunger strikes. And Eila looks at me and he goes, no shit, and I was like, I was like, I was like, that's a good one. And then Georgia, I just said this to

I was like, oh, I must have been bed reading something.

She goes, oh, were you reading or you just heard you weren't just looking at Instagram?

And I was like, oh, this fucking kid knows me so well. Yeah. Meaner jokes, like meaner jokes don't work for me.

I had a joke about, uh, I can't use this, but uh about cat calling and it I think, for some reason, I think my audience doesn't want to see negativity from me. They don't want to be like, come on, just that's that fun. I can argue.

Yeah, a fun little time.

Yeah. Yeah.

And it's like Tom can tell a joke about his mom eating pussy or something and everyone's like, yeah, or sixty nine ing or his mom.

Or I don't know what he's saying what the joke is?

Yeah, but people love it, you know, And then for me, I can do jokes, but like, I can't be mean about Leanne, like I have a joke about if I have a joke, that's pretty rough on her. Right now, I've got to figure my way out of it.

I gotta.

I gotta get my way out of it in order to earn the right to tell it, because people love Leanne. Like if I start saying something, they go, we love Leanne. I'm always like, you don't even fucking know her, Like right, how the fuck you? Like I'm married to her, Let me say what I want to say, Like.

But did she get upsett with you at all when.

You're doing never told me told me jokes I'm not allowed to tell Oh really yeah, like this one.

Yeah, I wasn't gonna. I do want to hear she does not like this joke.

She hates this joke.

Uh.

I wanted to have anal sex with her when we were dating, and she said why, And I said, I don't know. Do I need a reason? Yeah, yeah, I'm not going to do it until you have a reason. And I go, I don't know. Why do we want to get to the moon to beat the Russians there. I want to beat the Russians there, and she goes, no, I'm not gonna do it until you have a reason. And then we got married and I found out when

And she was like, she was like, I like that joke. I don't like that joke, and i'llowed to tell it.

But she I've told jokes about her, like she farted one time during an orgasm and I was like, and I was like, I forget the joke. But I was like, I was like, you almost shit in my mouth, Like you gotta let me know fire in the hole?

Like what.

It was a big thing about her farting during an orgasm. When I was going down on her, she farted on my chin and and and she was like, oh, and she's at the end, she started crying and I go, what are you crying about? I'm the one that fucking got shit in his mouth, Like what are you crying about? She goes, you talk about this one stage and I was like, oh, you're right.

I am, Yeah, you're right. The other night I was there's been a big one.

I've had a number of times where I've eaten hot wings and then fingered her and fucking lit her up.

Noh, yeah, there was one time.

One time I said, I said, I said, hey, Siri, how do you get hot sauce out of a pussy? And Siri goes, how do you get a football out of a pussy? And I went, yeah, how do you get a football? It's like stop, just good And I was like, oh the knife.

But yeah, oh my god, dude, I think we've all seen that nerve video on on like porn Hub or something. What nerve video on the chick like pushes out the NERF football. Yeah yeah, yeah, no, shoots it up.

In the air. You watched it in college? No, I've never seen that. I've seen one guy, one cup. I've never got it.

I can't see you guys one three guys one hammer.

Oh, it's just it's just three guys killing another man. It's terrible, it's awful.

Yeah, there's some weird ship out there. When the dude's like beating the funk out of the chick. What yeah, bro like slapping the hell out of it.

I can't. I can't get into the I can't get into the I don't.

Think it's about sexual if you're I'm not into it.

No, I can't.

I can't cat like because you know the next thing is they're going to take our porn hub searches and post them online. Oh man, I want anything that says uh step daughter daddy nope, anything that says uh milf nope, anything that says step brother, steps sister nope, teenage nope. Nothing like that is in my fucking queue. And if I have clicked on it, I get out of it immediately.

I go no, no, no, no, no no.

I'm like respectable fat wife wants whatever the fuck she wants, and the husband.

Says, man, yeah, because ch missionary. Yeah, you finish in your own hand.

It's all the matters.

If they release Making Love, if they released what people watch like they they it would be like, I mean that, the shame is what counts. It's like when they release the Sony emails, it was it was a shame that they were like, oh my god, you talked about who like that and you're like, oh, you can't take that back.

I know you're not allowed to do that, but they just ruined my career.

I think we'd all figure out that they were all pretty fucked up in him, and yeah, no, no, no, there's righteous there's righteousness. Like that's why I don't text. I don't text it to people that I don't want everyone to know.

See, Okay, here's one thing where I kind of agree with you on. When I was in college, when I was dating in general, it was like my mission to get nudies because in my head I had what I had, Like I knew if we ever broke up, i'd have those forever. And those are mine now and you can't have those back. Like it was a weird, like controlling thing. Now with my wife, I don't want any nudity at all on my phone. This is zero zero nudity on my phone? Is it from me?

Yeah?

You know what I'm saying. I take pictures.

Of my cock.

Yeah you got it. You got some nudity of me.

You don't take pictures of the cock. Oh yeah, by the.

Way, I do. If I got a photo of my cock on his phone, I do.

I I sent Shane gillis a picture of my dick the other day and uh and he uh he, I'll pull it up.

And he was on a plane. Oh no, yeah, do you guys know Shane. Yeah, he was in the pod a couple of days ago.

Great.

I sent Shane a picture of my dick and he and he goes, I'm on a plane now and the guys sitting next to me saw peaceful pictures of my dick, Like, I send them pictures of a picture of my dick. One time to su girl. But it was a shadow of my dick. It was breaking into a house. Yeah, and the shadow you can't Yeah, I just had the light the shadow against the wall, so it's a shadow like towards the door handle dick.

And it was like he was like, is that your dick?

And I was like, yeah, that's fucking hilarious.

Yeah, what are you taking a picture of your dick now?

No, No, I'm trying to show you some u a buddy that reminds me of you. He would always send me these kinds of photos. This is way back in the day.

This is two thousand and nine. That's I love this guy already. Yeah, let me see that photos of him doing that. Sometimes he like tuck and just like pose against the wall.

Ninth grade.

Ninth grade, my big fucking move was, and we're talking about huge parties, is I could tuck my dick and balls between my leg but not enough and just enough that it looked like an actual well vagina like I had. I had shaped it dick on one side, ball on the other right and pull them back to.

What looked like a pussy. And it was.

I mean, and there are so many pictures of me in ninth grade just like and and this was my move, Like these were like this was my move up until like senior year of high school.

I was like, I think I'm getting old for this, guys and getting over this. And they were we were girls.

We're like, do the fucking vagina, and they're going, it looks just like it, and I fucking the Tomio twins were like do it.

Do it? It looks just like it.

Do it?

And then I do it and everyone be like should It looked identical. And by the way, I had never seen a pussy at that time. Yeah, and you were in the fight then, yeah, yeah, I was. I I was fucking I thought i'd be slaying pussy and then alone I'm making them.

Yeah, you put yourself in a little bit of a box when you're showing your own pussy.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you become the funny guy that it's hard to kiss. You can't turn it off, and you're like.

Hey, hey, want to see the pussy. Hey, o game.

I've never been the guy that could kiss like I couldn't. No, no, I can kiss for the first kiss. I can't lean him for the first tough deal. I always had a hard time navigating that as well. This is a this should be a ted talk is I would like to know? I mean I don't need to know now, but like I would have, I would have signed up for like a twenty dollars online class of like how to lean in for the front.

Oh they've done that, they do that. It's on Hitch, the movie Hitch.

Really yeah?

Oh yeah you go you go you yeah? Yeah? Will Smith thinks you in Hitch with Kevin James.

You go ninety they go ten. Yeah you haven't seen Hitch. Yeah I have, I don't remember the movie.

He goes up, he's teaching was it Kevin what Kevin James? Kevin James. He's leaning in his I ninety, you go ten. If you're the guy, you're supposed to go ninety kind of linger, there a way for them to go ten, Dowar at the end of the night, after the Yeah, I was I was so bad at it.

I was so bad at it that I would go on a first date and if I if, I would be like, all right, I'm not gonna go in for the kiss on the first date. If it feels right, I will never felt right. Second date, okay, we'll see how it will goes. And then by the fourth date, I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna tell her I'm gay. I mean there are girls, there are girls friend, Yeah, there are girls that I dated that I never kissed. I dated I never kissed, and I just was like

That's a bad combo. Man couldn't kiss or have sex when you're young. Yeah, that's hard me too, Hashag. I'll tell you that.

Yeah, you mean the gay guy that.

Couldn't kiss me. Yeah, I think we're good guy.

They coudn't kiss me. As far as Will Smith goes, your boys or girl really drew a line in the sand love that was stand with him and Chris Rock He uh.

Yeah, it's a good guy to be a business partner with the guy that don't mind burning it to the fucking ground in Hollywood. I was like, hey, fuck face, we have a TV movie deal set up. Let's let's maybe not go after everyone.

Yeah.

He was like, fuck him. That's Tom though he he is not.

He likes in the world burn.

He does not give a fuck Like I give a fuck. I give a fuck about a lot of things. Tom genuinely I do not get it. Just does not care pro wrestling. Pro wrestling is fake and if you like it, you're retarded. That's Tom Segura. And then and and do you know how passionate wrestling fans are. When wrestler goes, hey, man, I'll show you how fake it is, and Tom's like, come over here, catches smoke and this guy's like, guy's like, I'm scary, and Tom goes, you're not real.

He just doesn't care. He does not care.

The guy I mean, it's it's it's the beauty of him on a podcast. It's the beauty of him as a person, it's a beauty of him as a comic.

I mean, we we did a bit when we first started the podcast.

He goes, let's say the most horrific things we can think of that, taken out of context, would ruin our career.

Let's see who can out to each other.

That is h lyrics. I can't believe we did it. We did it, and now those clips are everywhere. I'm not doing it again.

Yeah, fair enough.

It was. It was the worst, Like.

I think personally, I think that kind of gets a bad rap like and it's just like and the most and we just and we couldn't stop laughing at how fucking bad it was. And then and then like a year later, we're like, maybe we shouldn't have done that, and you're like, well, when you are doing it right when we started two Bears, like that's the first episode I think Bears, Uh, I don't know, Uh, it's before

Of kool Aid every day?

Dude, that was you know what, it's so funny. I remember, I remember doing it. I remember there, I remember it being funny to us, but I don't remember being as funny as it was to watch. Because we're at my sister's house one time and my brother in law goes, hey to my dadd He goes, have you ever seen Bert and Tom's show Two Bears?

And my dad goes, no, is it? Is it any good?

What I like it?

And he goes, let me show you a clip, and he played the kool Aid clip, and I was My daughters were laughing, my wife was laughing, but me and my daughter's my wife, they know I.

Drink a gawn of kol Aid every day, and so they to.

Them it wasn't They didn't realize how ridiculous it was until Tom said it, and we were crying laughing, and then the Jennifer Andiston clip went.

Viral of like, oh, bro, so funny Tom does.

Tom tells a story.

About going over to Jennifer Anderson's house and and he knows that like, out of the two of us, out of the two of us, Tom is friends with all the celebrities he's on the d L.

He's like, pretty cool about it.

He doesn't tell you that, like Brad Pitt's one of his friends, right right, but he knows that that I would love to be Brad's Pitt friend. I also, I'm not the guy that's gonna try to be Brad Pitt's friend. Look, Tom's the guy that's like, hey, tell my agent Tom me coming down to my show. I'd love to meet him. That's why I text him about Aaron Rodgers. Tom's good, but that shit, and he knows how to do it. I don't know how to navigate those but he knows

He tells me the fucking story.

And and it's a lie and I go, you motherfucker and he goes.

He goes, I thought it would piss you off. I said, what if?

But let's make rules if we ever meet Janner Brandiston and he says okay. I was like, should we do it? Should we bring our wives? And he goes no, not, definitely not. And I go, okay, should we do it at your house?

Or I go?

I go, should we do it at your house or my house? And he goes, we'll do it. I go, when I do it at my house, it's a piece of shit. We're doing it at your house. He goes, we should do it at her house. I go, ye, yeah, yeah, we'll do it at her house. And I go should we bring our wives? And we're like no, And I go can she bring someone? He goes, yeah, maybe like a guy for safety. And then he stops himself and he goes, maybe that's not the message you want to

I could not stop laughing.

I could not stop laughing that we would go bring someone for safety, and we could not stop laughing. And then Jennifer Anderson saw it and fucking hit us up. Tom texted me, he goes check your fucking DMS. I go why, and he goes, just check your DMS And I go to my damns and he starts going done. No no, no, no, no no no. I'm like what and he's Jennifer Anison. You guys are fucking hilarious. This is so great. I just saw this and we're.

Like, shut the fuck up.

He's like, Jen'm like losing our shit.

Yeah.

But like those two moments went viral on and then and then I think, you know, there's we've had some good episodes. The last episode we did, we ended up both ended up crying at the end randomly, randomly, didn't mean to. It was his birthday episode. These next two episodes are fucking bangers because we were in a good place. I just got in stem cells and like it's We've been on a run lately of having really good episodes, really good episodes, but.

Uh, a lot of that had taken off for you guys, like during the pandemic with both of your specials coming out and then you're going weekly, you go viral a couple of times.

Yeah.

Yeah, both our specials came out during that pandemic and that was really fucking huge and we started leaning in double down on content and uh. And then I did the part of the tour and the movie theaters out to our movie theaters drive in, and that was big. And I think we both just had big moments. I did the movie. I think all that started coming in and adding up and and I don't know, I love it.

I love doing Two Bears.

It's one of my favorite things in the world because I, like I said, I mean, I know Tom is a very funny comic and I know that people like him. But the thing I like about him is when we're doing Two Bearers, like the way he makes me laugh. I don't think he does that for everybody, but but when he makes me laugh, dude, it's my favorite.

Thing in the world too. Well.

I love I love laughing.

But the things he does is like when we're in a car one time and he goes how many times. Do you think you burp a day? And I went, I don't know. I don't think I burp very often. He goes, You're wrong. He goes, I've counted twelve in the last fifteen minutes, and I went for real, He's like, you don't know you're doing this. They smell like shit, and I'm like, are you am I burping? And he goes, are you being serious? He goes give it a second, and then all of a sudden, I burp. I go, God,

I mean, he is just why does he hate Will Smith so much?

He because I love Will Smith. Oh yeah, yeah, because I think he just knows. I've talked about how much I love Hill Smith, Lady.

His sense of humor is so fucking different.

Like he goes, this is one of my favorite This is just a quote A Tom's a quote that I think of all the time he was in he was doing a show. He can deny that this happened. He's allowed to exciting. It's pretty agressive, but it's one of my favorite things ever. Shane Torres says it's the favorite thing he's ever seen Tom do.

Tom's talking to a black dude in the audience.

Now, for whatever reason, Tom gets along with black dudes easier than anyone.

I think it's sports.

But like he's friends with Mike Tyson, friends with DJ Premier, friends with Big Daddy Kane, friends with all these dudes like friends. So he's talking to this guy in the audience and he goes he said, says something about being a black dude, and the guy goes, I'm a right up, straight up black dude, BROV. And Tom goes, no, you're not. Where the fuck are you from? He goes live BROV and he goes, I was talking about a real black guy. The kind that licks his lips and plays with his dick.

This piece of fucking picture and there you go, How the.

Fuck did you think of that?

Like lists a place in his dick.

It's such one of my favorite things he's ever said, and it was it was told to me by a friend.

He goes, I was just watching, he was just doing crowd work. That's the fucking that's the you know what I mean. No, you're not real. It's funny you get so many of those.

I remember one time seeing a dude, black dude in the audience and I go and his chick. He was on first date with the chick, and I go, I said something about black dudes. She goes, he's black, and I went, nah, he's from uh, from somewhere.

He's not. He's not like American black dude. He goes, yes he is.

I go, no, you don't know them apparently, and the guy hasn't said anything.

Go. She goes, no, we're not on a date.

I'm looking at him and I go, no, no, no, no, we need to look at his shoes real quick. I go, no, American black dude, whatever wear those shoes. Where are you from, buddy, where are you from? And he goes, Manchesta and I went, yeah. She goes, wait, how did you figure that on his shoes?

I go, they're racing shoes. They're Ferrari shoes.

They're like the tiny sold They're not anything that an American would wear. They look like they're f one shoes, you know, like little tiny shoes. I go, that's something Americans don't wear. Let alone, brothers don't wear that shit. There's like, but you call that shit out huh oh, yeah, well there's been. There's well, there's certain things that made me fucking crazy a stand up, and that's when like people aren't going to be honest with themselves. That's the

I buy a pair of.

Basketball shoes, right, like a nice pair of basketball shoes.

So we're in Hollywood and I'm listening to this this actor talk and he's waxing poetically about racism and indifference and then you know whatever, and he said, then, then they're going to suggest that black kids don't play hockey because of the gear, and they don't play golf because of the gear, that it's too expensive.

That's bullshit.

And I went, no, I that's actually totally why. That's totally why that you don't see a lot of black is playing. If you're you can't, if you're from the inner city, you can't just buy a whole hockey gear and it's just expensive. And then that's that's kind of the the green fees. That's why, that's how racism works. And he goes, bullshit, explain to me how they explain to me how they can afford these Jordans to play basketball then, and I said, oh, you don't know any

Up Jordan's.

Dinner party. My wife it was like, we'll be going thank you everybody. He's a big fucking actor. He was a big fucking actor. And I was like, he walked in with the basketball and just trash brand.

New jordans Man. I was like a dinner party.

Yeah.

He had good, fucked up dinner parties so bad. I remember one time there were these two gay dudes and they were talking about not liking the taste to come, and I thought they were talking about rum and I.

Just joined in with my story of my first experience with it.

Yeah, and I was like, I remember when I tried it the first time. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I was like I was like ninth grade. We're out at the beach my buddies and are like, pirates do it? We should try it right, and they're like it was like there was a lot of gag in that night, boys, but we got it down now. It wasn't until I did it with my dad and he's like a little pineapple makes it taste better. And my wife's like, what the fuck are you talking about?

We're having a great time. Georgia Boot. Georgia Boot makes super good looking and super comfortable boots, so comfortable you never want to take them off. These boots hold up in any condition without sacrifice or comfort. For those of you who live in Nashville, Tennessee, you know the times between January and April you want to your life because the weather is out of hand. So your boys got ducks. And when I bought the ducks, I thought, raise the ducks,

Saint Petersburg, Florida. Uh, raised in Tampa, Florida, guy, your Florida guy through and through La. Okay, so well he's West coast.

Yeah, but he's from Florida, so he might have different views. So tier talk is the way the bus works is that we have tier one guys. Those are the dudes. They get like bust with the boys tattoos, which fucking if we were like, hey, drink this, drink it and die that, kuy. Those are the tier ones, Tier twos. They follow the comment, they like it, and so on

I would like to say that I feel like I have a fair opinion versus strong.

Oh my god, what do we do?

We both have fair opinions. I think yours is a little more prideful than mine. I disagree. This is okay. Now, you grew up on the West Coast. I grew up in Arizona of sacrament and I grew up in Arizona.

And for context, I grew up in Missouri, so I didn't have the ones that were I mean, I guess we had five, guy, but we didn't have it near Bonter, Missouri.

So here's what we need to do. Right now, you can put your tiers in. We're not going to comment on it because we can comment after. Well, we'll put all you'll do your first three tiers. You'll do your first three tiers, and I'll do my last and then and then we'll discuss.

First three tiers meaning.

Middle and then below that. So top three best burgers, and you're a pretty best burgers. Now we're gonna leave it alone. Yeah. No, I guess this is like a point of reference fast food burgers.

Yeah.

So, like, have you been to Jack Browns here in Nashville. No, it's an out standing burger.

You love it, Like, uh, yes, it's not Nashville though.

Right No, no, No, that's the gourmet burger. Yeah, thank you, boss.

That's one of my favorite things in the world to go into McDonald's or a Burger King and give them two hundred bucks and just say surprise me.

Really.

Yeah, I do it all the time. I do it at del taco move. It's really fun when you're with a bunch of guys. When you were with a bunch of guys, we did it? Did we do it the other night?

Where's Peter?

Did we do it the other night? And Hugh babies, Uh the Peter? Where do we get burgers out the other night? Cookout?

Cook it?

We Well, we were drinking across the street at the Hunton and we went over there and the doors were locked and they were closed. They were just doing drive through and a guy recognized me. So we got in his car and we sat in the drive through line and I said, he said, what do you guys want to order? I said, let me handle this. I said, uh, I got a hundred bucks. Surprised me. And they gave us like twenty hot dogs, twenty burgers, some fries. They just loaded us up and then we got it. I said,

No no no no no no no no no no.

I was saying, where your taste buds are at no so already throwing a little judgment at him.

You got to be you're right on one of my one of my favorite things also to do on the road is snee seine snackers, which is we then take our leftovers, so we've we call it.

Making it rain.

We'll make it rain at white Castle, UH, Wendy's and McDonald's, and then we will take all our burgers and try to will each challenge each other to make the best burger with the leftovers we have.

So we will take the.

In and Out UH patties and order the White Castle patties and make a layer of that with the McDonald's cheeseburger all in the big mac bun, and present that to everyone. See what they think, and it's it's the funnest we have these challenges. Will everyone like do their best Frankenstein creation and then present it to the group.

And we're like, oh, that fucking that's good.

So it sounds like.

He's good, You've done this, I've got I've got, I've got my take right now.

Okay, let's go and no reactions, no reactions, voice, We just want to sit and eat it.

Number one is in and Out.

Number two is burger king, uh whopper with cheese, and number three this is the sleeper is the Carls Junior five dollars burger.

Will, just don't react, just let it eat so he can repeat this one more time.

Number one in and out double double animal style. Number two burger king whopper with cheese, preferably a double whopper with cheese.

Number three Carl's Junior, the five dollars burger. Well, what do you do?

You want my thoughts or you want me? Oh? I want and I don't want your thoughts on that? Okay? And Bert, please don't respond to Will when he's a start.

Hears My number one is uh five guys cheese burger, lettuce, tomato, mayo onions, Bert.

Please sorry, respect. My two is shakeshack. My three. I agree with Burt on the Carls Junior five dollars burger. I have the floor. You have the floor. My number one in and out double double is my number one. Figured you would dick grid with Burt. My number two remember when not I have the floor. My fall, number two fat burger, and number three. I'm going to stick with all of you at Carls Junior, but it's not gonna be the five dollar burger. It's going to be

Okay, so first thing, first things first, well, first thing really stoock out and that's the fact that you chose in and out and five guys did not make your list.

Well, I would like to say very pedestrian of you for your first two choices.

Very pedestrian. Well, well, yeah, yeah, it means.

It means I guess you have YELP on your phone.

I guess whoa come on now, five guys?

Five guys is what everyone says. Everyone says shake shack everyone. Everyone who doesn't want to step out of the crowd, not be a sheep and find the thing they love. They say that those shake shack. Do you remember the first time someone was like, but you've you had shakeshack? And I was like, yeah, oh, I see what they're doing. They're trying to do what everyone else has done. Oh have you had five guys?

I think so? I think so?

You mean the guys are doing what everyone else has done. Five guys is trying to do when Carls Junior, Carls Junior stood itself, out stood it so I bought a house because there was a Carls Junior behind it.

Carls Junior Fox is so hard Fox. Well, I don't think we all disagree on the Carls.

When I when I I had an audition for the five dollars burger to do commercial for the five dollar burger. They told me you'll be eating a five Carls Junior five dollar burger. Don't come in hungry. And I have never been more excited for an audition. I get there and the woman says, the audition's been canceled. And I said, but how about that five dollar burger.

That's how much you love carl gun She.

Said, I have one, and I said, can I have one? She goes, I have thirty of them, and I went, can I have all of them? She said, you can have all of them? And I took thirty five dollars burgers home. I ate one in the car, I ate one. When I got there, I ate one. I couldn't stop eating them. And then I called fifteen friends and said, who wants to have dinner at my house tonight? I'm making burgers right and then wrap them in ten foil.

Oh shit.

And I came out and.

Those are the same people that say five guys is the best burger. Yep. Those the same fucking people that say five guys.

So the problem I have, Number one, I find it respectful that you say everybody that that's the most popular opinion is five guys, because.

I do agree that it is the best burger.

And as somebody who you know is ecstatic anytime I get to trouble somewhere, what a burger that could be up there. But I had a bad experience the last time with wa burger down in Textas Shout out Texas.

What Burger's washed a lot.

There's a lot on this Okay, there's a lot of blonde haired, blue eyes women on this list, right That's That's my point is like Waterburger, blonde hair, blue eyes Shakeshack water blond hair, blue eyes shakeshack and and taking shake. I mean they should their cousins their cousins. Yeah, I mean Sonic. I don't even know why it's on the list. I don't think that Dairy Queen. What the fuck is dairy Queen doing on this?

I think Derek Quin's a very underrated burger. I'll be honest. I'll tell you when we went. Did it?

Because you know I love Blizzards? Yeah, no, I fucking love Blizzards. That's the best ice cream on the planet. Nothing can beat soft or of ice cream. But they're burgers. It was like all tomato, all mayo.

It was.

It was okay, So it wasn't what it needs to be. I mean I had one a few months ago and I thought it was pretty fantastic.

But it be the establishment. The people are moving. You do got a white castle, beautiful redhead. Do I want to marry her? No, I just I want to have sex with her. I want to see puffing nipol. Sure, but I'm not gonna marry her.

Castle is like a closet. You enjoy it. Every now I want to I have to disagree with both those students. I think I think White Castle's preposterous. Really, she's she's a haggard woman I see in the street with her worst spaghetti strap shoulder.

She focks hard, fucks hard without a condom.

Naughty stuff to that girl. Bro that crave case with a suitcase, that's nice.

That's one of my best moves in fucking Just grab a case, just come in and just light them up. I mean, like Domino's falling in my mouth. But like, but like I said, you're right, it's not I don't want to live there.

No, you don't want to You don't want to live there.

You're not gonna go. What do you guys want for dinner? White Castle?

Everyone's like, what did da do? Coke this afternoon? Are you getting white Castle for ye?

I would love this afternoon where you leave Nashville hit up Hugh Babies. It's not nationally It would have been on my list, but I think hugh Baby's is really.

Big Mac is way too much. So what what you can do with McDonald's is you can do special orders. They do a big Mac with the quarter pounder patty, which is so much more ratio to bun to burger. Yeah, the way they do it now, it's a great burger. Our dog is my daughter's fucking We bought a dog in Arizona and on the right home they'd never had a big Mac and we they had a big Mac and they're like, these are amazing, and I was like, yeah, everyone,

So tell me why tee me on the journey of why he shows in and Out Burger? Why did you show I get to speak.

On I think you've spoke No, no, no, no, bird poked the whole time, called me a bit estuary, and then he's went on like stories, he's done comedy hour on burgers.

Okay, go ahead, we know he has a dog named big Mac.

What do you have to say this?

Because In and Out is over fucking rated. It's my turn to talk. So when I went when I went out to Oakland, was ecstatic to get in and Out Burger.

After games got it, loved it.

Either way, we're in and Out Burger, Like I think In and Out Burger is a good burger. Do not get it twisted. I do think it is a good burger. It is not great to me. It is a Chick fil A of burgers, very great customer service, phenomenal experience. When you go and you have an in and out, you want to go hit an in and out burger. When I went to my boys' wedding last year, I was in his wedding, I could not wait to fucking

Until we went to go get the burger.

Went to one in and out, way too crowded, way too much traffic there, but I loved it.

I couldn't wait. Baby.

We got to go to another one, because this is the hype of fucking in and out burger. We go to another in and out burger, go to that one waiting line and again it's like Chick fil a. They got workers everywhere working and you're not gonna find a backup drive through like you do it in and out. I will give you that, it is extremely popular out there. But again back to my overrated talk. I get the double double, I have animal style with the fries. You

My mouth is salivating. I bite into the burger learn and think.

To myself, hey, and now I go back to I'm not gonna astro yet. And then I take another bite of the burger and I'm thinking, Yo, this isn't what I've built up. Like I've been in Oakland. I couldn't wait to tell the boys. I try it in and out. Yeah, it's the best fucking burger in the world. But the consistency of the bun it ends up breaking. It doesn't not mush in a disgusting way, but it doesn't down

I'm like, you know, I'm telling Charlie like I gotta figure out by the way.

I looked at Charles, said, hey, babe, what do you think of this in and out bur She's like, you know, it's not as good as what you're sitting You've been hyping it up. And I was like, I fucking agree, bro, And I'm h you know, I'm high. And then I go back to eating the rest of the burger.

I eat it all, but it just wasn't what I thought it was gonna be.

Now we go to uh, We're back in Nashville, and I'm like, hey, babe, got like I'm on a I gotta figure out, Like, I gotta find my taste with burgers, just like I want to do with whiskey, because I like whiskey.

And you know how you kind of like like whiskey and you're just in circles and.

You're like, oh, yeah, I dabbling whiskey, and guys are like, oh this whiskey, that whiskey, And I'm like, I gotta find my taste with whiskey.

Same with burgers. So I get I go and get a five guys burger.

I go and get a shake Shack burger, and I have them fucking side by side, and I take my bites and Shakeshack tastes way more manufacturer than a five guys burger.

Five Guys legitimately is the best tasting burger.

Yeah, it might cost a lot, but hey, fucking make a little bit more money, spend a little bit more on a burger if you want to have a great.

Yeah, you want to treat yourself.

But that is why I think five Guys is the best again, I think in and Out is good. I do not think it is great, and I for damn sure do not think it's e lak.

I will tell you this, that was a very That was a very wealth thought out wealth.

Yeah, you were ready. I thought about it a while and I tell you where. I tell you where.

You started to sway me and I can't believe I'm gonna say that.

I no, here's fucked up. As you started, he started going, well.

You know what it is as soon as he said, you get to the line. And then I started thinking, if we're making these women right, because that's how you everything's gonna translate into women?

Do I mean?

Do I want to marry the chick that spends an hour on makeup and is a model and is gonna be a little difficult in this relationship?

Because that is in and out is.

It's the lines through the fucking roof, and it's you think you're in a turn lane and you're like, did I accidentally get in the line for in and out? And then you're like the accessibility of in and out, which obviously speaks how great the burger is, but you go, but you started talking to me about accessibility and I go.

I hate to say this is a lot of times I.

Don't get in and out because getting in and out is such a fucking hassle, Like getting in and out is so difficult that you gotta be you gotta you actually got to be not hungry to want to get in and out, because you're gonna get if you get into that line hungry, you end up wondering fucking five burgers.

Okay, I disagree with everything you just said. Here's why when you're talking about if we're gonna shape these beautiful burgers into beautiful women, the reason why it's the in and out burger is so solid after is because she's far and few between. There's not a lot of other women out there. You can go anywhere and find that five guys, blonde hair, blue eyes, small waist, fat ass, and but probably to talk to you though over and over and.

Says and says the same, that's so lit.

Yeah, Yeah, that's a vibe.

That's a vibe.

That's a vibe put on Put that on Instagram, and you're like, again, really good sealing your own personality now, in and out. The way it goes is, look, there's way less in and out Burgers out there in the United States of America, and there are five guys just like women. There's so many the phrase, what's the phrase? So many fish in the sea, But there's the In and Out Burger is the rare, the one you want

I'm not going to show you that Nick Who's dad taught her how to change a tire exactly exactly.

There was a girl at Michigan. I don't remember her name, but I remember we sat down and she was She's a really good looking girl. And we all go to eat and a couple of the girls order like, you know, fruit food, drinks whatever. She has. Let me get a cheeseburger and a Miller Lite place and she slams the thing down eight send me and the boys are like, who the fuck is this girl? We all loved her, right, I have no idea what she's doing in this world. Now,

I will say, just like I explained, what happens. There is this you get outside of the actual fucking burger, and it's bells and whistles and fucking storytelling about chicks. And you're selling stories. You're not selling the burger. When I talked, it was about fucking ingredients. It was about how I bit through the burger and how that's what swayed my mind. You got you start getting into the girl conversations, start getting that you're a phenomenal storyteller. You're

It's the quality of the taste of the burger is not there. What's the quality that's not good? Men? Great, you're good, You're not great. Here's what I'll say, about it. If you want to go into the ingredients, let's undress not one thing about the burger about because I bought

I never because anytime I go, you're like, You're like, you're like a fucking bird.

You get the lettuce ones. Yeah, sorry, it takes a lot to lose this average will I'm doing the best I can. Okay, we're talking quality now. When I go there and I get the bun, I bite it into it. I've never had an issue with that. I'm sorry that was your experience. But for me, she's always treated me right well and respectful, and she's always always called me back the iceberg lettuce once again, Is there any nutritional value the iceberg lettuce? Will I'll give you that answer. No,

That crunch starving. I'm hungry right now.

Bad.

Here's mass watering.

Here's what I will say is the thing that people will argue again in and out burger. But I don't think it's an issue the size of the meat, the size of the patty, because you can always do the double double, the triple, triple, the four by four. You can do whatever you want. I guess the triple is fucking insane. Okay, that's an opinion, right, and we all have them saying like I'm not saying that against you. I'm just speaking to everybody. I I hear you, I

So many secrets they have that you don't know, Like did you know that before in and out grills a burger they rub mustard all over it? I did not know, and that is why it has the crispiness to it. That's why it has that extra flavor to it.

Fucking slap me in the arm like that, dude, Hey listen, and it's so great. I knew this would go because we talked. We were on the test. Hey, what are we to do? Botaie? What's your talking? I believe someone said burgers. I don't remember who said it.

Jack. I had a viral moment because I eat my McDonald's cheeseburgers. I taco them, and everyone was like, what the fuck's that? I take the bottom bun off, flip it up, all the good ships on top, pickles, let us tomato or pickles, ketchup mustard and cheese, and I taco them. It's half the calories. And they were like, whoa, what else do you do? And I was like, I have I have a sport.

What else do you do?

I have a bunch. And so then everyone started hitting me up. Oh you know what I do? I get the mcfucking or something mcgang bang Yeah, And so they were like, all these orders you can get at McDonald's and the McDonald's I think hit us up and they're like, O, hey, don't do this. We don't want to make things compil, like order what's on our fucking menu? To I was like, but yeah, the I wanted I need to eat a burger now.

When I would also threw me up a little. I was I thought you'd like fat burger. I thought you'd be into fat burger.

I ever had in La was a fat burger, and it's the first time I ever had an egg on a burger. And they fucked me up so big that I only fucked.

With fat burger.

Okay, there was a fat burger on the quarter I lived at the Universal Sheridan.

There was a corner house fat burger too, and there was a there was a.

Fat burger and a poquito moss and they have great, great milkshakes.

I know you never had fat burger. I think is unbelievable.

Wait, fat burger fucking awesome. Yeah, but I didn't see fatburger on the list to be I was with you.

Yeah, but didn't kind of like you didn't have to. That's what to me. I kind of feel like I fucked up on the shakescheck because I thought it was better than the ones that were. None always talked do you want to re rate? Wait? How come no?

One's going to talk about how great, how much better a whopper with cheese is than a big mac, Like, I see, I haven't.

Had it so long, I haven't read long to.

Do that twelve hundred calories? Who is the whopper which used is twelve?

Well that's a big girl. That's a fucking sounds good.

But it's like like one of my boys, Derrick Henry, was talking about Windy's being so good, and I went there right after practice, right after the locker room.

Fucking went there and it was like, dude, what are we doing.

We're at a fast food, a legit fast food burger joint.

We were at McDonald's in Arizona. What was that February? Yeah, and we walked in there. First off, the mcflury is they come in one size and thimble and then the monopoly Oh so small made will real real.

Fucking in the pocket. Dude, you literally could so pissed large mcflury. And they come out with this little dink ass fucking yeah one size, Like.

All right, give me the size, give me that one size, we'll get Superman. He gets so many He's like, this isn't enough of a tasty treat for me we need to go somewhere else. What's down the road to Sonic. We go to Sonic. I I was driving a pickup truck over there, real wide vehicle, and I go to pull in totally just fucking cash side of the vehicle, trying to get the percent. And we're getting Sonic selling foot long Glizzies. That's unbelievable, which I know is a

Dude.

I fuck up hot dogs?

Do you really?

I fuck up hot I'm four percent like a homophobic adult. There's nothing like sexual things that really bothered me. On my knees. You can hold the back of my head, there is.

On my face. That's almost I love him, really, dude.

I have not been through the Chicago airport in my life without getting a Chicago hot dog.

Really.

Second I get off the plane, I find the first Chicago hot dog murder.

Two of them.

The one in Chicago's the green that has green billboard on it. Green.

It's got the green building you.

No, no, no, The one in uh in the airport in Chicago, Tony Island. No code is AH is Michigan, right, that's Detroit.

Dude, I fuck up hot dogs.

I love you, hot dogger burger guy.

So if I'm making a big cookout, first of all, I make gray burgers.

We just got a flat top.

We have two flat tops, and I'm doing smash burgers for my is. They're amazing. They're amazing. But man, if I make a bunch of burgers, there's something about that hot dog. It was like, hey, start with me, and I go, okay, he said, do you know how we like it. Let's do it how we like it. And I'll do half the bun right, half the bottom, a hot half half carb guy. And and I'm still fat, but I go, I'm not as fat as I should be, right, And so I'll eat and I'll load it up all

I were in Uh you could squirre mayonnaise on my face. I like brats over hot dogs. Tell me you make a hot dog? I was. I was on a journey with you right now. I think I was being lulled asleep. Was you make this hot dog? You cut it off? What do you put on it?

Oh? Mustard, hot mustard, the hot mustard, The one that comes in a little jar that burns when it goes to your nose. When I went first time I went to Germany, they had they had hot dogs everywhere in this park. Everyone had like every place had a hot dog and beer. Me and my weo were just like, let's get drunkest fucking eat hot dogs and they're mustard

And he was like, but.

That's why you're sick and not supposed to eat twelve hot dogs. And I was like for real. He was like, yeah, I have a problem. With hot dogs. Man, you can't. I can't go to a Rams gaming not get the fucking street dogs. I'm just swallowing a lots. I'm like, I'm salvating. I'm so fucking hungry. But man, I fuck love hot talks. Goddamn it. I want a hot talk now.

So did you rather have a hot dog or a burger?

Hot talk?

Really?

If I go to a football game, hot talk, hot talk immediately.

If you go to a football game, like, there's not gonna be like good burgers at the football I heard you mentioned the Rams.

You're a Rams guy?

No, no, no, like no, I had to make a conscious decision. The Rams show up in LA and my daughters wanted to be I wanted to go to football games, and so I got season tickets and my wife is like, we're a Rams family now, and I was like, okay, and uh and then and then I and then I. But I'm really a Bucks fan because I grew up in Tampa. But I I found what I liked on the Rams. He's I think he just left as Johnny

Like no, and just walked away. And I love that.

I love it that guy. Oh for real, no's the same thing. We do it. We live it right. Oh yeah, yeah, we put that stuff's gassed up too. Like if the Titans ever had Hard Knocks wearing it, there'd be so many fucking go hard. Do you think the same thing? Oh yeah, I see the cameras on. They'd be yeah, oh yeah, sure it would be blown up to what it really is. Camp is miserable, and I've seen a couple of clips. I've never seen a full episode. But they make Camp belly. It's a fun little deal.

What they should do.

What they should do is they should bring in guys like me that have a little money and let us pay to see if we can get on the team. But if we can't, that money goes to a player. I like that, Like money goes to a player, yeah, like like like someone who's doing like like because if you're if you if you went to a training camp, they you just and by the way, you tap people out right, so people would have to ring the bell

Gise like a bunch of.

Guys got ten thousand dollars that want to pad up, see if they got what it takes. And when this second they bring the bell, they're out. And all that money then goes to players that are trying to negotiate contracts.

You go, hey, we found the money for you. These guys fucking taps out.

Then also you become a bigger fan of that team. I think, like I think they're doing. I think they're doing usflos is that what the Rock's doing? Usfl xfl xfl. I think he's fucking it up. And I'll tell you why. And I'll tell them how to fix it. This is how you fix it. Rock, If you're listening, this is how you fix it, and you will have a billion dollar business on your hands. Number one teams in a state can only get players from the colleges in that state.

Right, So like if so they say they have it's like Michigan State or like some Northeast area of recruiting. Yeah, draft, so you get picked to play on the Michigan Ohio team team.

Oh yeah, that makes sense. I don't know if you'd be give enough players though, that might be difficult.

Like what if there was a team in the Bran Nebraska that you would almost have to combine some states.

You can region or back regions like regions.

You would be like, you just had to stick to Florida, Yeah, Florida Region.

Yeah, Florida and those like those kind of regions would be I.

Like that because I like that a lot.

What you do like that idea because what will happen is you will get people rooting for the team because they followed these kids their whole fucking careers. Yeah, and they're like, oh, fuck yeah, we used to play against that kid. He's fucking good. I didn't like him when he played with Florida, but fuck he's on our team. Now I'm getting jersey. The whole thing is like the whole thing about football. Man, I'm so sorry I started

Feel like I'm gonna fall in love with them.

And now we're.

Ndola Danny am Mandola, right, yeah.

Danny Mandola.

Yeah, was he got cut from the fucking Rams And then you're like, oh fuck, and then he shows up and he's like I root for that guy all the time because I watched him struggle and so like.

Man, he went off on us. He lived for Houston this year, last game of the year, he went off on us. He almost lost the game, dude, because.

Danny Mandola, you guys did almost lose.

That Like, oh yeah, yeah, I thought you were talking, but yeah.

But it's the funnest thing is to know the like like Hecker. I follow him on Instagram, I know his life, and that's part of what social media is these days. It's part of what what I think you guys were doing brilliantly. It's part of the reason I wish Pat

I go what do you need?

And he goes, no, I need to explain something to you. And I was like, okay, what is it? And he goes, I'm a fan of yours. And I was like cool. And he was like, no, you don't know what that means. And I was like, mam, yeah, I get it. Your shirt's off. You want to you want to get a shirt or picture? And he goes no, no, no, He goes, I don't have shit going on in my life. He's I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have anything. My job sucks. I don't expect much out of my life.

I wanted to say we did it, but I didn't do it. He did it.

But that's what a fan is.

And then I and that's when I started looking at sports and going what do I want to be a fan of? Like I want to fucking invest in something emotionally, I want.

To be investing them.

And it's so cool to go to an airport bar and go, hey, you guys got the Rams game on?

And someone goes, oh, Rams and you're like yeah or whatever. The team.

For a long time, when I was on the road, lote, I was always fan of the Cowboys only because they were played everywhere and I wanted to be a fan of And so I go, you guys got the Cowboys game on, and you'd always find someone in an airport part for the other Cowboys. And so when the Rams came, my wife's like, we're gonna be fans.

I was like, all right. I watched Hard Knocks that year.

I couldn't really fall in love with Gough a parallel a lot I could, but like Stafford, I love that kid.

Seems like a fucking he seems like the.

Kind of guy I would have liked to have played a sport with, you know, like just like withiffle ball.

He seems like a kind of guy that would be.

Like no, no, no, no, streetlights are coming on, my mom is there, said anything? Let's go like yeah, I love that energy, right, And I found Hecker. It is so fun to be a fan of a punter because they come up so often, and when you got a guy like Hacker. He I would make arguments that he was the MVP of the Rams every year because of the position he would put them in. The reason they were good, I'm I'm not even fucking around the reason the rams were good. We're not all the standouts. It

Guy knows placement on a fucking ball. Yeah. And it was so fun.

Because he'd come out and me and my buddy Eric Crews would be like, it's our guy and we and it was like not everyone roots for a punter, but made it so much fun to root for a punter. And then when he got traded, I got so bummed. I was like, where do you go? They fucking got him, moved him any more a free agency?

Now, will you guys look up where he's at?

Yeah, but it's it's but having being a fan of a team is so much fun because.

I think as players, you lose that, like you lose the understanding of Like when I grew up, I was never a fan of sports teams, and I was like a fan of John l Way and the Broncos when they were good in like ninety seven, ninety eight, whatever that was.

Wait, how great? I mean, let's for two seconds, how great were early?

So?

I mean for me, I was in Florida Sunday nights when when the sun was setting over my High stadium and it was the two minutes morning and Elway was taking him down the field and your mom.

Was like, hey, dinner's ready. You're like one second, mom, one second.

That energy of John went Elway those Sunday nights of the fucking two minutes. They're three points down and Elway's got the ball in the eleven and he's like and you're like, and he's in the shotgun and you're like.

Fucking that made that made your Monday.

Because you show up at school and be like, did you see fucking the Broncos? And it seemed like every him. And the only guy I ever compared to John Elway too was Charlie Ward. Charlie Ward when he touched the ball playing for FSU, every time.

You knew he was going to succeed.

That's when we won the national championship third and seventeen. You're like, Charlie Ward's got this. That guy was so fucking money every time he fucking touched the ball. But that energy, that's fucking I said to my daughter, and you know it's funny. You can't appreciate it if you're not a fan. This last playoff run was so fun because every game in the last minute was changing back and.

Forth and that playoffs are insane this year.

And I bought my daughter's down and I go, this is why you watched the whole game. This is why you watch football, This is why you pick a team.

I go, this energy.

It's Sunday, the fucking sunsetting, you got a cold beer, the fucking we don't know what's gonna happen. And oh my god, and my daughters just they were like, I don't get it. And I was like, I should have had boys, boys.

On the fans. Talking with Mike Stunn, we were talking on like a different level of Mike was basically on the on the game plan of like you need to live your life. Let me need to live their own life.

No no, no, let me tell you. Uh no no no no no uh uh wide receiver for the Buffalo Bills. Uh no, no, no, no no no. The White Boys, Cap Davis, you want to talk about how fun this is. Check this out, Gabe Davis. Gabe Davis tweets type in two bears one cave. Gabe Davis tweets a picture of his cleat. Do you wo yeah? Two as in three. So Gave Davis gets these cleats made right, all this he makes my buddy Mashie, he makes. He makes our two Barry shoe. He makes these for Gabe Davis.

Right.

Check the date on this. I'm not only because I think you'll figure out when when when?

This was? Uh no?

So he makes his shoes. I guess you wear them in warm ups. It's a warm up shoe.

I don't. I'm not really sure how shoes.

I think you can wear like my cause my cleat, but I don't think those are my cauts, right, those can wear those for like warm ups before a game, but then you have to put on other shoes.

So he wears them. He wears them. We watched the.

Game and Tom and I are like, fucking Gabe Davis, dude, how cool is this? The next game, he goes and has one of the most spectacular performances of his career. I would argue he went off against the Cheese. Yes, and then that they ended up losing. But he has a spectacular fucking yes, why don't see this? Holy shit, I haven't seen this, but but he has four tds for Buffalo and me and Tom had just become fans of his the week before, right, he's now our guy.

Often do you get to go.

Fuck God, damn it, go go.

Go like that energy?

You get that when you're a fucking fan, When you're a fucking fan, and he's telling me, will he's telling me, dude, when you're a fan, Okay, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Uh, Anthony jessel Nick. I'm a fan of Anthony chessel Nicks. Right, Anthony jessel Nick does this last special and he opens with the best joke I've ever heard in my fucking life.

Nicks, we's just keep this energy going, but this energy.

So I'm a fan of Anthony's. I love Anthony's the greatest guy. And he he tells the joke opening joke of a spout. My favorite thing on a good special is you tell me a fucking joke. You tell me a fucking joke. I don't want to hear where you're sitting. I don't want to hear the city you're in. I don't want to hear about them. I want you to tell me a joke. That's when I know you're doing right.

And that's me.

That's my role, that's my role. Anthony Jeslin tells a joke. You come out, you don't say, hey, welcome away.

Thank you. I don't go philly.

Yeah, like like I go up and I mean, I try to have my food in my words ten first words. There's a joke coming out of my mouth. Yeah, you do not care anything but get drinking and telling secrets. Secret time. Sometimes when I wipe my ass, I spin on the toilet paper. It's called a Misissippi wht wipe Secret time, Serie time. Sometimes the other shower, I draw my ass on the bed boom, Secret time, ser your time. When my phone was an orgasm. She looks like Elvis

Did it again?

Oh and we got a good special, honey, hip pause, get a cocktail. Let's light it up, turn the lights down. Fuck you know what, Let's save this, save this for tonight, late night. That's what I want when you watch my special Anthony Jeslyll It tells his first fucking joke.

Do you find it?

Don't worry, I'm gonna tell you the joke. He says.

Uh, my friend's married. My friend is married to a woman. Uh oh, yep, this is This is the best fucking joke.

Turn it up.

This is this is funny. This friend's life is born again.

Christians, hit pause, hit pause, hit pause.

Uh, ladies, jolemen. I know we're we're interrupting again, and it's fucking pissing everybody off. But here's the deal. If it's Tuesday and you're watching part one, if it's Thursday and you're watching part two right now, in between those two right here, like my noses. Merch is dropping. We got hats, we got t shirts, we got everything is dropping on our website. It's new, it's beautiful. You're gonna

You got put in context. The special opens Ladies and Gentlemen, Anthony jess Nick. We are talking ten seconds into especially he tells.

This joke right right. His best friend's wife is a borning and Christian hit play and we get a.

Terrible influence on her husband because her what did he call you a bitch? He did not use the word. Did he call you a cut? I said, Well, then he didn't hear it from me?

Fucking I hit pause, I go make a cocktail.

I got something to do for the next hour.

Yeah, because he's my guy, I like, I love, I love being a fan of something. And it's and it's the coolest thing to hear your perspective because you guys are so into weeds on it. But like it's the dude, I mean, you guys have so many fans of this podcast that when they watch you on the weekend, they're seeing so much more than you think. They're seeing so much more. And that's why I think, and when we get back to the very beginning of this podcast, you're like,

Like and that's when I say they get it.

It's like, you have no idea, Like what what a

You know, it's the coolest thing.

I love being a fan and I'm glad I found you guys to be a fan of God.

That's fucking dude. You fired us up like nothing other just now. I was unbelievable because there's so many people that take that, take that for granted. Us included, absolutely, we take that for granted, and we don't know because you're so conditioned to focus on the next thing, next day, next thing all the time that you forget to be present where you're at. Yeah.

My wife gave me a great quote one time about.

Because there's a week, you can get focused on that, and you also get focused on humility and like I don't want to I don't want to flash too much or whatever. I don't want to, you know, live my life too bright or whatever. And my wife gave me a great quote and I read it to Ari Shafer because Ari is always about like not putting your life out on Instagram. Like, do you know who Jack Whitehall is. He's a comedian. He's very talented. He did a show

Dude.

I looked at his Instagram today. I pull up his Instagram and I know I know him, like I think I've met him and with whatever. I looked at his Instagram and I was like, I want to beat him. Go scroll down of like like like, look at it. There's him at the super Bowl, like everything he does. Look at him and his chick. His chick is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my fucking life. And like, he just lives this really cool life.

Really yeah, it's unbelievable, dude. What a unique perspective to have on something from somebody that has done so much and has lots of fans.

Well, yeah, thank you. I think.

I think I that's one of the things that I'm very accessible, like, I'm way too accessible. And I think one of the reasons is is because I see myself as them in the audience, because that would be me.

It was me.

I would go see comics like the place I'm forming out to an the Ryman I was at probably six seven years ago, and I was Slarry the Cable Guy, and Angela Johnson there, Me and Nate Bargozzi and Ri Shafear went and watched them, and I had a very different perspective than both of those guys. Nates was, I mean this respectfully, but Nates was, I'll be here one day. Nate very confidently knows how talented he is. And I

It's not me, it's not my books.

Don't care, don't need money, don't need fame, don't need fans, don't need anything. All I want to do is comedy. Don't give a fuck about any of the trappings. That's sorry, I don't give a fuck about it. I just not on my not on my radar. Really, I sat there and I thought, I thought, how do I get here? Like I remember thinking I wonder if I will perform here? And then I remember like meeting Angela. Angel Johnson has this great nail salon bit that like made her really famous.

Down the show in a fucking heart beat.

I get to do an hour from original material and then tell the machine give it to me. Then we go backstage, meet Larry the cable guy. Cable guys like, hey, let's have a beer and bullshit once talk comedy. But I got a private jet to cash and I was like, can you imagine getting on a private jet after a show at the Ryman? And then I come here and I do one show at the grand old Opry two with the Ryman. Next time I'll be at the fucking bridge Stone and private jets are and then I go.

Man, if I think if I.

Didn't appreciate for me, if I was the negative guy, or if I was for me, if I was confident, I would never have gotten there. I need to really appreciate the moment and go. I'll do whatever I can to get here. I can see it from this side of the fence right now, Like it's like do you ever see like do you ever see like guys that I don't know. A A D is his name, ab A B. I don't know him Brown, I don't know him. He strikes me as someone who maybe takes some stuff

It's meant for like guys to go.

To war and they come home and lay in their pool and they have a hard time enjoying it because they remember all the guys that didn't get to come home and go to the pool. Well, you can get that, and you probably can get it in the NFL. I'm certain you can. I'm certain you can, and I know you can get it in comedy because when I was dead and I wasn't going anywhere and I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna fucking make money.

In this business.

I would be at the store and you'd watch people talk to you and go like this, like look over your shoulder, and you be in the middle of sentence and they'd be like, oh, hey, Chris Rock, what's up, and then just leave you in the middle of sentence, and you'd be like, I guess I have no currency with this person.

I'm not famous. I remember that happening to me a lot.

And then you pop and become the guy that everyone looks you in the eye and you see them talk to your buddy who you were always here and here with they're talking to them, and then they do it for you and you go, oh, fuck, man, I was that guy a year ago now in this guy, but I could have always been this guy. That guy was my career, and so I'm sure you guys have to see that in the NFL, but we see it in the in comedy.

It's like people look past you all the time. It's Hollywood.

They don't give anything that has to do is like celebrity status, anything that puts you or people want to be one hundred percent. That happens all the time. Like Derrick Henry. If Derek Henry is walking behind me or running back, whoever I'm talking to is no longer just did what I'm talking to them about. They are on him a J. Ryan like it's it's really like that. But how do you think when you when you were at that point in your life where it's like, all right,

Oh oh, I'll tell you.

I said this to someone, said this is someone the other day They were they were like, what am I doing wrong that you didn't do? And I said, first of all, you're with me, like you're I would never have been with me.

I would have.

I would have I never turned my fucking brain off. I was obsessed. I was obsessed about every aspect of stand up comedy. I was obsessive about jokes. I was obsessive about stage time. I was obsessed with about content. I was obsessive about ideas I would.

And I and I.

The other thing is I didn't listen to anyone. I started listening to myself. Perfect example, I wanted to do a dance video. I wanted to do a dance challenge for so Brocktober one year, and Rogan was like, I think it's stupid, and and then Ari and Tom are like, yeah, I want to do it. And I was like okay, and I was like I still think it's a good idea.

Yeah, this is uh Glazer.

I was obsessed with selling tickets and I and I I just wouldn't stop thinking.

I had a million ideas.

I and I.

I never sat back and enjoyed the roses and smelled them. I just was going, like, I got a tour coming up, how do I sell tickets? And I was like, it's gotta It's gotta be something. It can't just be like hey guys, Cause hey guys, I got a brand new tour.

Come out of there.

I go, I want to. I want to razzle dazzle it. I want to.

So I rese out this girl. My daughter and I liked her dancing. D Glazer and my daughters and I would past video. She's a great dancer. I said, hey, how much would it cost me to coach me in dancing? She goes twelve hundred bucks. I said great, So we went, we designed a dance, we did a dance. We shot this in two takes. I posted it, uh and it went it blew up, and immediately my agent called me and he goes, we just sold out your whole tour.

Bro Tom's and look cloud bike is so funny.

And so Tom does this.

Tom. I tell you know, Tom and I share everything. I tell him.

I said, yeah, I sold out all my tour days and he was like, you're fucking serious. I was like, yeah, I sold out everything, all the all the dates roll at the end of this sold everything. And he was like, hum. So Tom spends sixty thousand dollars when I say, no problem, sell money. Make this video all right?

I put this. I got to hear it.

There's no music right now, hip pause. So a fucking two weeks before this video comes out, he says to me him, man, I want to change up our profile picture online.

Is it cool? We're both gonna do this? Is it cool?

If this guy romy shoots some pictures of your face, and I was like, yeah, sure, and he goes all right, cool. So I go out and I stand up to this thing and they don't even put a mike. They put a mic call me. It's not even connected to anything. I didn't even notice. And he goes all right, look sad, and I'm like and then like, look like you got stabbed.

I'm like, oh, I do all.

The fucking deep fake for this without knowing I was doing it for him, and I did all of that. I sat there for an hour doing all these faces, thinking we're doing promos for two bears, and then he fucking plays it for me.

I go, you fucking kunt I go, that is me.

I did all these like oh, and so that's me. It's someone else's body with my face on it. Sold out everything. He did not sold out everything everything immediately.

Holy shit, dude, that's fucking hilarious.

But it's like it's like that's when when you know, you know, obviously you know. When I was at that point, I remember I remember being like everything was it was. It cannibalized my life a little bit, but I was like, everything is this about this business? Everything is about this career, everything's about everything. I'm never turning it off. I'm only thinking about ideas and how can I make things better

That's fucking wild.

It's an American fight. I mean, I just it was, but I was obsessed with it. And I think once you beat and that's not it, but once you become obsessed with it, I mean, it's the only way to succeed.

I think you should have to be obsessed with it.

Have to be everything in your life and that and either whether it's writing jokes or promoting tour dates or thinking about things that would pop.

I think you've got to be obsessed with it.

And if you're not, does your family life go when you're that obsessed with it? I don't know.

It was kind of like it was good, I guess. I mean, I'm certain we pay. I'm certain I'm fucking paid for it. But like they were like there were times it was fun. Like I had to promote tour dates in Australia and so I got a big inflatable thing and I was like, I'll do a thing where I fly down the inflatable thing and I fall off and then and then uh, I'll kill a beer and all to have the kids going to Ozzy Auzzy Oi Oi.

My buddy, Stephen Prompkin's driving sold it out.

And so but it's like, but imagine how what it's like to go to dinner with dad over your friend's house and I've got a speed on roller skates and I'm like, no, hey, everyone put on these shirts, get on your skateboards, get on your bikes, let's do it.

And the kids loved it.

The kids were I mean, the kids are always getting low key, pulling away from everybody too. They get on the skateboard, was next to you when it started, Yeah, getting high.

So I but I was obsessed with it and I'm still obsessed with it, you know, Like we're going out I'm doing I haven't announced it. Yep, I'm doing Red Rocks again. I haven't announced so I guess I didn announce it right now, but uh yeah, and so and so I'm flying from Columbus on Sunday out to Red Rocks to shoot promos out at Red Rocks and then hanging out in Colorado and shooting some shit in Colorado.

Go take some guys on the trip o Jay then and then uh.

Where's that New York.

Boy? And then uh, you know, by the way, if we do this, if we do this and you guys go to you know, Big Cat's gonna be like.

What the fuck, dude?

Oh yeah, right now for real, Yeah, Cat, there's been a situation with Big Cat. There's a there's a group chat with me, Will and Big Cat in it, and I don't know how it really began, but wait. We were trying to sell like for the boys t shirts like Michigan and Nebraska Nebraska, and Michigan was playing Wisconsin, which is where Big Cat wins or loves, and I was like, hey, if Michigan wins, you have to buy

Dave's a Michian guy, but yeah, big Cat, he's Wisconsin. But I tried going and get Big Cat because Big Cat will respond like, yeah, Dave Will.

Will play chess a lot better than me. So but I thought, if I can get one tweet from Dave, I'm gonna fucking sell these things out, no problem. So Wisconsin, Wisconsin gets donkeyed by Michigan, and so we're in this group chat now like hey, you gotta pay blah blah blah, and Big Cat decides in his mind, I'm no longer a part of the group chat. So he responds to Will being, hey, Will, will you tell Taylor that album? I'll buy the shirts. You know, I'm not happy we lost.

On the side, Big Kevin taking screenshot by Hey Will, Taylor's trying to text me outside.

I said that, yeah, because I would text him. On the side, if I pulled up my phone of just me and Big Cat, it would be me texting him and no responses because then he was screenshot and putt in the group chet Will. So we have Mike just Mike no longer Mike stud on the podcast and he's talking about yeah youah this there is some like overweight guy who's like a sports media guy. I don't know his name off no no so Will so Will chaps him.

But what was the I ended up texting Taylor and we're all this is all in the group chat, and by the end of the night, I just text Taylor. He goes, did you guys kill my dad? Did you guys kill my dad? I'm not even three, Like Big Cat's playing like his son and I just text I go Taylor. I tried texting him. He's doing this thing where he acts like his two year old son is texting.

I think the titles turning. There's someone else on this chain that.

I will be squeezing out old school big ten guys, none of the new expanse and shit back to our roots.

That just quite interesting.

And so that's when Taylor goes, Will, can you please tell Big Cat when you see him that if he's looking to fix our relationship after it comms today, I'm no longer interested.

And then that's when the whole chain goes.

Big Cat wakes up this morning, he's like, guys, apologies accepted, one team, one heartbeat.

We're all crew now. So Will and I, Will and I have made the decision that Will and I are no longer texting each other like whatever, we're using our group chat with Big Cat, but we're seeing at North Big Cat in the whole time.

Oh that's fucking great.

So it's fucking been a hilarious.

How much fun would it be to find out all the all the group chats with all the fucking different people, meaning, like, what's George Clooney's group chat? M Like, you know he's got an Ocean of eleven group chat.

Oh, he's gotta have one, Yeah, probably called Ocean eleven. Ocean's eleven. Yeah, now it's probably.

Something way cooler. Dude. They were in fucking Palm Springs or Joshua Tree and they did fucking Payoti And there's a cool name that they all fucking saw.

Who do you think Tom Brady's group chats are him Gronk Edelman, him Gnkttleman.

Off the top of my head, that would be it, I bet you, But I bet you there's another one with Tom and Rabel are Titans head coach? Yeah, and I don't know. I don't know who else would be in the chat.

Manager says, gotta wrap up soon. Who's manager?

Whoever? Your manager? What time is it? Oh?

Man? Maybe?

Holy shit, maybe I do have to do a show tonight. Wait, what's up a show?

Seven seven o'clock?

Yeah, I got the ryman like, that's fucking huge. Yeah, yeah, I gotta show in an hour forty seven minutes.

I mean, I'm sure there's the same as sports.

As you go, I'm ready for it.

Yeah. No, And when you play sports, you're literally thinking yourself, what if this get Like, what if this happens. What if that happens, because it's not like I think the biggest difference is is like, you're not going you're going ast yourself.

Well a picture of the Titans coach Mike Rabel. Yeah, it's I can look for.

Him, Okay, oh cool, yeah, easy.

Yeah, you'll be able to tell him right away. He's a little thicker. He's a little thicker now than he has in that photo.

But apparently someone.

Someone told me he's coming to the show, first show with the Rhyman and they're like his his his wife's a fan of yours and they're coming to.

He uses his wife as a fan for everything. Yeah, he'll tell us that he he doesn't use Twitter.

I wanted to tell him feel free to come backstage, but I don't, you know, I don't. Also, it's like maybe guys like that don't want to be noticed. They just want to just do something regular.

No, he wants to be He wants he wants to. He wants you to somehow reach out and be like, hey, if you guys want to, if you want to come backstation and I would love to meet you guys.

But it might be wrong.

He'll be like.

Coold baby he'll like text him, IV, Can you text him?

I don't want to, but I will.

If he's coming to my show, he can come back to.

Let you know.

By the way, I'd love if he wrote back, who the fuck's Burt, and like it's the offensive coordinator. Okay you A lot of offensive coordinators wanted us to let you know what that you can come backstation night.

Bert wanted us to tell you to let you know.

If he's coming to the show, come back stations.

Show tonight, you can come backstage. But also he didn't want to, Okay, hold on, but also if you're coming to the show tonight.

I hope he writes back, who's Burt. It's a'm as long as you're cool.

He said.

But also he didn't want us to give you his number because he keeps us stuff.

Probably he'll know.

Like we're fucking with it. He'll text us about something on Twitter all the time, really and he'll like like it's Jin his social media manager, like, oh gin, she shows me these tweets and he's fuck line. Like I sat with him in a meeting one time, and this motherfucker's just scrolling on Instagram being like, hey, check out this, Like it's it was during an offensive meeting. But the dude loves social media. He loves bantering with the boys. He's all time. You'd love him.

Look, this is him chirping me on fucking on social media.

That's fucking great.

He's hilarious. He's hilarious, but he's also like he comes from blood on his chirps. Yeah, like when you're a guy. Let's say we all got super close to three of us and eventually be like, oh, you're a piece of shit. No, you're a piece of shit, and we'd like joke and like be able to jab deeper with Rabel because there's like an authoritative figure with him. He's my boss, or was Will's boss. When we start tripping him, he comes in with a haymaker and you can't one up. Eventually,

The fuck another one one of the courts I've always remember from Coach Rabel was the great ones to make it look easy and then he fucking I hope you didn't think I was talking about.

You when I said that. Oh I love this guy, I texted him.

He does go for the throat though, you gotta come correct. It's much better being his uh, his buddy now that it is this fucking player.

Yeah yeah, you two are boys, yeah Will, Will and Raves are blocking boys. Yeah yeah, absolutely, they've gotten real close. I'll tell you what, dude, this has been has been when when we when we found out you were coming on the pod, when we found you were coming to the pot, were like, fuck yeah, dude for crushes coming on the pot. This gonna be fucking awesome. Today we called each other, Hey, big day, Big day for the boys. We've been tweeting today, Hey, big day for the boys. Yeah.

Yeah right.

And there's obviously a whole lot of expectations, but there's one point I'm sure you had it in the middle of the day where you're like, man, I hope it goes as well as we think it's gonna go. And it truly exceeded expectations. It was we have this thing called Mount Bushmore. Yeah, it's Mount bus More. Couldn't wait more? Yeah yeah bus Moore. So anyway, this is definitely one of those episodes.

Oh thank you. It's definitely one of those.

Like, uh, you're just so personable, yeah, stories and like your perspective and like sounds gay, but like being where your feet are, like appreciating, appreciating, like where you came from, and like understanding, like yeah, I'm gonna soak up all these moms.

I don't know, I really fuck with your perspective.

I appreciate it, man, Thank you. Yeah.

I feel like I keep saying. My thing I say is like make hey while the sun shines, and as I go, I'm healthy right now, I got my blood work back.

I'm good.

It's the first thing you say when you walk in alcoholic. Yeah.

Oh you think, bro?

Did you see his take on cost Oh yeah, no, I'll tell you what some conversations.

That was that one take, that beautiful thing you talked about drinking.

I was telling I told this to someone the other day, Sunday conversation, that.

It was one take. But I it's so funny. Do you guys know who Patty Pimblington is. Yeah, yeah, the fighter, Yeah, Patty the Batty. And I made that speech and it started like people started sending it around. I was like, God, damn it, I called my shot. You know, it's like when he goes scouses, don't get in allucked out, you all anyone's waiting face for him to get knocked out. Come on, what are you gonna say? Do you know they're gonna go? It turns out Scouser's getting knocked out.

As soon as I did this, I will never stop partying.

And then all of a sudden, I'm like today because I'm getting ready to go to the doctor, I'm sitting there going tod I just do my.

Scousers don't get knocked out.

Yeah, I'm never quit partying. Imagine who is stay healthy enough? And then all of a sudden, like your liver's failing, I'm like, get knocked out. It's crazy too.

Like you were talking about that Sunday conversation, the way he painted beautifully like it was beautiful and just up to what he said, the fan, the fans story the same thing.

Just an elite storyteller. Honestly, we can literally do a cut up like that, by the way, like Sunday the Conversation did. When you're talking about being a fan waking up, dude, somebody times left you get to go. I'll tell you what I'm saying.

It's I believe this is the thing that people listening to this podcast will really relate to.

Is that because I'm the same as they are.

It's just like, dude, like if if you guys, if like remember when McAfee went on to Monday Night Football and you were like, fuck yeah, our guy made it. Our guy made it, Like fuck yeah. Like those that's I mean, that's the thing that people, you know, the same thing with drinking is like, not everyone's gonna be Rogan and fucking or David Goggins and run or Cam Haynes or fucking Jesse Sweets or Ceciler. They're not gonna be these guys, but they're definitely gonna have drinks on Friday.

Beautiful, Oh yeah, he's what almosis, Oh yeah, I It's gonna be one of those kind of days. It's so fucking awesome, great fucking podcasts. Longest podcast we've ever done, by far, for real, oh by far. Subscribe, subscribe.

The boys come out, just come out probably next week.

Hey, do mean favor Go to fully loaded festival dot com.

I'm putting on a tour.

It's gonna be uh, it's gonna be about twelve comics per show. David heel Mark, Norman, Big jay O, Christine, Shane Gillis, Joey Diaz, Nicky Glazer, Taylor, Tomlinson, Fortune Femester.

We're adding more.

We're doing minor league stadiums, arenas and amphitheaters for two weeks in June. The middle two weeks in June go to Fully Loaded Festival. It's going to be huge. We're also I mean, the offer is going to be out to if people want to come out to podcasts. We have so much talent out there that I was going to say, you know, I think the trash Tuesday girls are going to come out for like a day and bang out a bunch of podcasts. So if you guys want to come out and do some podcasts, I mean, legit.

Do you know when the dates exactly are?

Yeah, you can July eighteenth, June eighteenth, June eighteenth, and then uh sing goode mayo im at the Greek and then I'll haven't announced.

I announced, I already announced red Rocks.

I just don't know what day it is.

All right, go to burberbert dot com to get your tickets, everybody, burburber dot com.

Yeah, Burburbert, burburbert dot com.

Fucking go man. Fuck yea to Sandy CLASTI standing out of standing. Subscribe