The More You Know: Luteal Lady Bits

Welcome to Buns and Banter, a podcast by work Busties for work Busties. Hey, I'm Lauren and I'm Ali. We're both morning show hosts for iHeartMedia. We're both millennials, and we're both trying to figure out how to build the lives we dream about, dating, marriage, career, career, and being a mom.

How to get through a week without crying. Welcome to Buns and Banter. We're glad you're here. There it is.

I think we start our podcast the same way every week, and it delights me.

Oh the collective sigh.

Yeah, and waiting all week for this. Oh that's the carry. Under would start to the NFL theme, right, Ben, We're no week Sunday night, not good light, not good Hey.

If this doesn't work out, if we're not rolling in bookoo, but pardon me and radio in the next couple of years.

I will wear diamond dfringe watch out carry if it gets us that kind of dope.

Woman show coming at you.

Oh all right, speaking of speaking of ladies, let's let's talk about this.

I'm so excited.

I know I didn't really even give you any context to what I wanted to ask, but I mean this is bunsan banter. We are a two women show, and we've never.

Really talked about periods. Yep.

And I learned something I found fascinating and very affirmational.

Oh great on TikTok. Wonderful. Mm hmm.

I'm interested to know if you are familiar with the louteal phase and the follicular phase, the luteal phase.

Yes, the luteal luteal. I think it's luteal. You know this, I have.

I feel like such a bad woman never having learned about this.

I know that like one of them is shortly before, yeah, and one of them the luteal is before, and then their one is like kind of and after.

Yeah, or is it between? It's like, so, I mean this is per TikTok. I didn't even like web mday this.

The luteal is like the.

Four to five days ahead, like kind of that week before you start your cycle, and then the follicular times so right, and then the follicular is like right after you're done, okay, And I'm so I saw this one girl I got served her TikTok and she did this facial transformation and she's like, I'm not using any filters I'm not using any TikTok ai changes none of that.

Life is horrible. Yeah, I had myself talked into a what's this one? Thyroid?

Yes, a thyroid condition my face. I was like, what is going on with my face? Now? I might not I might actually have a thyroid condition, because I don't really if we're getting where are we going there? We're getting close, we go everywhere here, close and personal. I have an IUD, so I never like get a period.

Oh that's interesting. I wonder if you still get some of the like effects. Couldn't tell you.

I just was like, put it in, set it, forget it. I'm good for seven years. I'll see you in seven years.

Amazing. I don't want to have to deal with any of this because they're so lucky.

Yeah, I just I thought, you know what, this is a Bunsen banter?

Do do do?

The more you know, the more you know, because I had no idea. And then you're like, so the follicular phase is when this girl on TikTok's like, oh my god, ask me.

Out all you want.

I am glowing, I am energized, I am skinny like after, but right after you have to be fully done. And then she's like, I feel like I've shut a skin and my like personal best is shining at least for the next two and a half weeks. And then you launch back in you know why you put more on your period? No, because everything's like swollen and sloughing. And coming off in there and it pushes on your intestines. Oh my god, rooting and tooting and pooping during your periods.

I'm so fast.

All O male listeners, gentlemen, come back, come back.

We're gonna talk too.

We got to talk about me pooping in a tackle box. You can handle us talking about berriads. I think you and I had very different health classes.

Public school versus Coutholic school. Oh yeah, I didn't know any of this, and I think it's really interesting.

You know, the last time I felt really terrible about myself when we shot our most recent pictures at Zigler. Oh, remember I told you, I was like, I mean, right, the dealership's gorgeous, everyone around me. I was like, I felt like shit, luteal face.

That's because I was in the luteal phase. You can see it, Okay, yeah, the lute face.

And have you ever been in a do you take pictures of the sunset or like the sky or anything, and like then you look back at them and it's never as good as it is in person, right, And that's us. We take pictures of ourselves and we look at them and they're just not as good as we are because we are sunsets and moons and stars, and our beauty and our essence cannot be captured with a freaking iPhone. Oh my god, So well remember that because it just doesn't.

Do us justice.

That would have really helped me because I cried in a Target changing room earlier this week.

You know what I did.

It's just after I learned about this ludial follicular phase, I went fucking Jean's shop. Oh Annie, are you kidding me? The amount of failure I set myself up for? Yeah, it wasn't It was not good, And honestly, I'm not I don't want to call out anyone specific but universal threads. I don't believe that you have proper lady sizing, because there is no way I was the size that you were telling Oh it was terrible, But I picked out my typical size, the next size up, and I literally

Room, don't. I don't know if this is an actual thing.

I haven't researched this, but it seems to me that in times when like, because you know, everything that we keep hearing is like the economy and like we might be in a recession and like everything's kind of pointing to that. And I think that the textile industry, in the clothing industry, is the first thing that like the first thing that gets messed up with that like cuts corners and likes to sizing gets all weird and there's no U continuity not continuity.

What am I?

What am I thinking of? Like no consistency? Yeah, like there's no consistency over that. I think that they just it.

Well, it hurts my well being, Yeah, it really does.

I was really excited.

I was like, you know what, I'm going to be more of an adult this fall and winter. Yeah, I'm gonna wear jeans absolutely not Yeah, get ready for schmidty and leggings round billion because I felt so terrible about myself. Oh it sucks, you guys, it's so hard to be a woman.

Sucks walking into a store and not knowing what size you're gonna be in, and like trying clothes on in the store is such a triggering, over stimulating experience. Yeah, and having to like grab the size that you think you are and like maybe you grab the one higher and then trying those on in like the internal battle that we fight with that and then having to go back because those two sizes still aren't the same. Yeah,

Because like my husband will send me out, like he'll if I'm going to a.

Store or whatever.

He will literally be able to look at me and go, oh, you know what, I do have a hole in my favorite pair of jeans? Can you grab me another like medium one? And then just gives me his measurements like I don't know how men are, like thirty two, I'm a thirty two, twenty eight or whatever. Yeah, never a problem. He literally doesn't even have to try them on. They fit him across the board every time. Does not matter the brand, does not matter what kind of pant it is.

So I don't know if it's if it's an issue for dudes.

But let me tell you, I will never be changing in a public changing room outside of my follicular phase.

Again, it was terrible. Did you go to the Target? Oh in Rockford?

Now?

So?

Is there one in Rockford?

No?

So I went to the twenty eighth Street. One twenty eighth Street, okay, which has like very skinny fit women. They readed the changing rooms? Oh did they? Yeah?

Okay, you know, because it wasn't great. No, half of them weren't operational. Yes, and that doesn't make me feel good either.

In the lighting, I'm sorry if you want us to buy clothes and you just put good lights in there, and like skinny mirrors, like yeah, to do is like tip the mirrors down a little bit because I don't care what size I'm buying. If I feel like I look good in the mirror, I'm buying that shit.

I mean, I'm talking like.

A three degree tilt is really all you need, so minuscule, but it will, in a soft light.

Make all the difference. I will buy all the things if I feel like I look good in them.

You know, we were just talking about like the economic downturn. Here is your here's your chance. You would turn this entire world's economy around if you just let us look good in the things that we're gonna buy, and we're gonna buy them.

Yeah, we gotta we gotta help Taylor swift out. She can't, I mean.

Like she can't hold the carry the economy past this tour.

We're running out of time, you know what I mean.

I'm glad that I could impart some of that knowledge.

I was blown away.

I went down a weird Benstrel cycle TikTok black hole yesterday.

So there you go. Always learning, We're always learning. I'm trying.

The female body never ceases to have something to share in, something to learn.

Like now we need to like snap and be like and welcome back to our gentleman audience, thank you for joining.

Yeah, we should say that in the beginning, we should tell him like you can fast forward to this part.

So I got to recap the weekend, the wag weekend. Pardon you.

I was so committed to hear. I was like stalking your social It was.

So much fun. Oh good, it was so much fun. They did so well, they played so well. I was a little bit nervous and a little bit anxious, and again very new to like watching a significant other play sports at a high level. M yeah, one of the and other girlfriends and wives also go as well. And by the end of the weekend I had one of the wives put her arm around me and say, you really came out of your shell this weekend.

Oh my god by the end of it.

It didn't start this way, but by the end of it, I was yelling at referees. I was yeah, I was yelling at other players, and I was yelling at their fans.

We found a new Oh I am proud. What what was it?

Maybe sort of misdirected anger and rage. Yes, it's been a really, really shitty past couple of months, and I finally had an outlet and it was like I couldn't control myself in some of those moments.

Oh my god, that's amazing.

And then I was feeling bad because I was like, maybe I shouldn't stand with the other family members, wives and girlfriends because maybe this is embarrassing for them to like be associated with. But then they like were doing it too, so I was like, oh, no, I'm in good company.

Can I can we get an example of like what an Ali Mackie yell sounds like, did you like hurl some insults?

I did?

WHOA, I'm like pretty much turned on right now by you.

I did well, Like at one point, Yimmy, he didn't start this fight, but like he's very much like he won't start it, but he will end it.

Oh hell hell yeah.

And the other the other teams were just like there were a couple of them, two teams specifically, they were really chippy and they were getting some calls from the refs that like we weren't getting. So I was, you know, I'm a libra, I'm the scales, I'm balance and I'm fairness, and when every day I get a whiff of injustice, I am on high alert. So like and then like you start watching closely and you can sort of tell which of the players are.

Like talking shit.

And I could tell that this one guy had just been in his year year and in his ear and I and I'm like, I hope he's not holding back for my sake. So finally, like this guy just he started some shit with him and I was like.

Oh here we here, we fucking go.

Like the gloves come off, the sticksdrops, like they get all like locked up, and the helmet comes off, and like I couldn't it just it came out and I was like, end it.

Oh that's so good.

And they were all like, oh no, he's like gonna get a penalty, and I was like kick his ass, like I wanted it.

So bad and it felt Did it feel so good like a full release?

Yeah?

Yeah, it felt really good. It felt really good. And he did get a penalty, and at one point he did. This wasn't the same game, but in one of the games he did get invited to leave the game.

I mean invited is not forced out.

And that one wasn't his fault, that one wasn't his fault, that one was unfair, and those refs were bad.

Those refs were so bad.

And they ended up they ended up losing to the team that won it all oh only by two. So I guess, you know, if you're gonna lose to a team, you want to lose to the team that like wins the whole thing. That's hard, though, But I just like

Need certified wags. And I love listening to you right now, and I just.

I had this moment at the games where I turned to one of the wives who's also a mom, who's like, kids like play lacrosse and okay, yeah, you know, and I was like, I I don't understand how you guys do this and watch your kids and you don't completely lose your shit because this is my partner. But if this was something that came out of me, like this is my flesh and blood, I would kill someone. Not act that doesn't hold up in a court of whys.

Like, oh, yeah, yeah right.

Our coworker had a water polo daughter and he was like, I've got to tell you there is no other sport, especially with women, that will piss you off more than watching what other girls will do.

To try to drown your kids.

Yes, he said it was terrible, Like there were times where like girls will file their toenails to a point so that they can like scratch you and stuffew. He said it was unreal and he would be in the stands like watching these water polo matches. He's like, I was a complete monster, like the human in me was gone, and the things I would yell, we they don't want like water shoes in there.

I don't think so ooh, that's it's insane.

And he's like, man, when it's your kid, like, ooh boy, it is just a different monster. Yeah, but you're getting good practice in because it ends.

Am I Or that's a really good one.

Am I Just getting more comfortable so that I, like, I say, more off the wall things.

Either or I'm gonna sit next to you and absolutely hg you on.

So I started I started.

The weekend like kind of off by myself, like sitting by myself, being very quiet, and like I ended the weekend with these ladies being like.

Who is this chick? So, and they like love you. Well, I felt kind of bad about it.

And I still I'm not like anxiety, but I have like game anxiety where I'm like I don't know if they're gonna invite me to sit with them anymore, and like they're super cool, I'm sure they will, but also it would be in bounds for them to tell me to just shut up.

I'd make T shirts that had like the arrow that was like I'm with her, book them up, Like that's what I would do. I'd be super stoked if you were, because lacrosse is is a crazy intense sport.

It is it is, and you know it just it was a great, great, great weekend. Can't say as much about Utica New York though. Oh yeah, it's just like a very uh does the rust belt mean anything to you?

Kind of sort of like it just like there.

Wasn't a lot going on, yeah, Utica, okay, and the things that were going on in Utica made you kind of look twice and walk a little bit faster.

Not too.

You know, depress any of our Utica listeners. But really, the only thing I know about Utica New York is things I've learned from the office.

Yeah, yeah, that's what we were kind of thinking too. And don't get like there were some cool spots in Utica, sure, but then there were also some m Every town.

Has has got them walk a little faster. Yeah at certain point, don't wait for the whole red light. Yeah. Yeah, what a weekend. Yeah, what a weekend. What a weekend it was.

It was so much fun, and I I can see I want to like, I want to do it again.

Oh my god.

Now I want to see an intense championship lax game with Yimmy, you and the stands in the luteal phase.

And I want to film. No one wants to see it. No one wants to see it. I do.

And his best friend also met us there because his best friend lives in that's right in Brooklyn, and he did end up getting his own room, so he did not stay with it, okay, which I was like kind of taking that a little bit personally because I was like, he doesn't.

Want to have sleepomers what's going on?

But then I realized, like, oh no, the only rooms that this hotel has left are uh like queen singles, So there would not have.

Been Yeah, there would not It wouldn't have worked.

But even we're not in anymore, yeah, trying to save money, like we kind of made it work.

But even his best friend was like, she is very invested in in this game, and like very invested in like watching you, and she got a little intense total compliment. Are we bad people? I would take it as a total compliment.

Yeah, I'd be like, wait until you can see the tapestry of profanity I can weave in an athletic event.

Yeah.

But it was like it was so many things that I was taking in and like I am a I wanted it all because I you know, it's just like to see your person in like different environments. So it was fun to see Jimmy in like a competitive sector but like so cool. But then like his best friend was there and like getting to see them together, I was like, this is like very cute because they have been best friends since they were like very little, and

Okay, it's always great, isn't it to get a glimpse through childhood best friend eyes?

Yeah?

Yeah, he was super cool and I was a little bit nervous about meeting him because I like, this person is like very important to Jimmy, So I was like I want to make a good impression, and like Jimmy's worried about performing well in sports. I'm worried about performing well socially. But then he was like super chill and super cool and we.

Got along great.

I feel like you're very much giving me like Tay and Travis vibes.

No, I'm saying it. I'm saying it, oh man. But yeah, so that was a nice shiny bright spot.

Yeah, I married the guy who played football. But we go to the high school games early to watch the band.

Yeah. I love that. That's okay too.

I love that he's great. Yeah, he was a percussionist. I know who I'm married.

Drummer.

He's I think he was the symbols symbols.

Oh does he still have them? No? No, I think we're okay with that. Well, he could pass him down. I don't know. He's he's lucky he found me. Yeah.

See, this is like, this is very similar to like Yimmy and I as well, because when Yimmy thinks about kids, he thinks about like taking them to their sports and like teaching them how to play lacrosse and like teaching them how to play golf. And I'm like, I hope we have a drama kid.

I'm yes, yes.

And he's like you would and you'd be in the front row and you'd be the loudest one.

And I'm like, yeah, I would.

Chris is really good, like he still loves football, like he's been teaching well all about it. But I'm over here, like, have you heard of my fair lady? You know what, We're going to create beautiful humans that are just gonna be weird and wonderful just like us, and to fly their freak flag.

Yeah, that's the best kind. There's the mantra.

That's the best kind. It'll be a little bit of you and a little bit of Chris, oh my god, and a lot of freak and a lot.

Yeah. I love this. I love it so much. But how is flag football going? It's okay.

He I think he likes it. I don't think it's his thing. I don't know if he'll do it. You know, we've done three like seasons now, and he's just such a kind kid. He just has a hard time taking things from people. Yeah, so he still struggles, like to pull a flag or you know, he likes dancing with them.

Well, yeah, so I don't know.

It's it's fine, It's we didn't he didn't come from super overly athletic parents. I mean, like I was actually super super freaking good at softball, but like it's a it'll be fine.

I just want him to meet friends and be good.

And if I don't have to sit on the sidelines and watch my kid not really care about a sport, which it turns out I'm not patient enough to do very well, that might be best case for everyone. Yeah, we'll start other things, maybe soccer.

He took the.

Lax camp, loved that, he really liked his lacrosse camp, so we might give that a try in the spring. But I'm just I'm very competitive, and I feel like i'm a very very poor parent when it comes to like just go out there and have fun, right Like, but even though they're not keeping score, I am just.

Just wait because I feel like Sophia will be Yeah, I feel like she'll have that m edge.

I've been showing her a lot of Ilona mar content lately. Yeah, yeah, breaking Sports illustrated swimsuit cover.

Yeah that's what we want to see.

So yeah, I think my boy will be so kind and wonderful and probably find maybe a little sport he enjoys. Like Sophia is going to need to bowl people over.

Yeah, she's gonna contact ones she don't want.

Yes, yes, yeah, I had a female linebacker in high school. Yes, we did varsity and she killed people.

Yeah, or so.

I could also see Sophia like just like being like, you know what, I'm not gonna play.

I'm just gonna coach. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna coach. She does that to my parenting too,