Rest, Don't Quit | Ep 283

And I think this applies to business. It applies to our team. It applies to our fitness, our health. If you don't rest intentionally, then you can't come back stronger. If you refuse to rest, your body or your business will force you to do it. And that is always more costly.

What's up, guys? Welcome back to Build. And today I have an episode for you where I want to talk about why pausing should be part of your plan. So if you've listened to some of my recent episodes, I've been pretty vague about dealing with some health.

challenges really because it's just been a long string of unfortunate events and i don't really know how to describe what's happened but i will just say

I got sick multiple times. I got put on different medicines and antibiotics for the sickness, which caused more issues, which then caused infections, which then I had to get surgery, multiple surgeries, and it just... fucking sucked if i'm being honest like it has been so hard it's been really challenging it's just i haven't wanted to talk about it a ton i haven't wanted to hide it i just also haven't wanted to talk about it because part of me feels i guess embarrassed part of me feels

vulnerable, weak, I guess you could describe all those things. And part of me feels like I'm describing something I don't know much about. And I don't like talking about things I'm not an expert at. So I will probably do an episode where I talk about exactly what happened. But for now, all you need to know is that it fucking sucked. But...

I kept asking myself during the time of it sucking where I just kind of said like, I need to pause a lot. Like I paused content. I said, I'm just going to blog and I can film like when I can film. Like I have no idea right now. Like maybe it's once a month. Maybe it's not at all. I don't know.

I pulled out of our workshop. So we do workshops a couple times a month and I just was like, I can't, you know, I just can't be there. I'm having surgery. I'm going to be gone for weeks. I have all these doctor's appointments.

And I was physically uncomfortable standing for hours just due to what's been going on. And so I pulled out a lot of stuff. And I was really uncomfortable about it. Because at the same time, guys, it's not like I pulled out and everything was perfect. Like...

I was pulling out and I was in pain. I was dealing with health challenges while I had a bunch of stuff happen to my business. You know, I had, you know, multiple lawsuits that I had to get through. And it's not like they give a shit that I don't feel well and I have these things going on. Right. I had.

multiple executives that I had to let go of and then three new executives that I had to bring in. And this is all happening while I'm dealing with this. And so I have chills thinking about it because it's...

I don't think anything has equipped me more to help people in this community, in the entrepreneurial community, in the business community, if you're a leader, if you're a manager, than going through this and learning how to manage this in a way that I don't get worse, but I get better. And I will tell you this, I feel that what I've learned through this process, I'm going to be so much less, so much more. I don't think I was ever not, but so much more resilient, so much more.

disciplined in a different way and so much more of a better leader on the other side. I already feel it and I already, it's, you know, when something like this happens to you, it's like you can't go backwards. When you have something really significant happen in your life.

It just comes to a point where you're like, I'm never going back from this. I'm never going to be the same person I was because you have all these plans of how your life's going to go. And then something, especially like a health challenge, when it sets you back, it's just like...

it feels like the worst thing possible because it's completely out of your control. And you can do everything right and it still ends up being that way. And so I wanted to talk about a few of the lessons that I've learned. through this time because as i was going through it honestly one of the most cathartic things that i was able to do was to literally just write down like what am i learning right now like

what's valuable? What am I taking away? And I actually knew a couple of other people in my team who were going through some struggles as well. And I said, hey, like, what are you learning? What have you learned about yourself? And I wanted to share with you guys what I've learned about myself and just...

transparently, if I get a little emotional, it's just been a crazy six months and it's been not the hardest six months of my life, but possibly the hardest six months of my adult life. And it's been different because I haven't been able to hit pause. And I think a lot of you understand what that may feel like because you've got kids, you've got family, you've got a business.

And you might be going through the hardest thing ever. And it's not like when you were a kid and you got to call out of school. You can't call out of your business. People still need you. Things still happen. Lawsuits still come. And so I just want to share some of the things that I've learned. Really, I think...

you know up until now and for most of my career like i love sprinting like i love growing fast i love solving problems in real times i love moving fast i love doing a lot like i genuinely do it because i love it like i really just I really fucking love leading a company. I love having a team. I love treating people. I love mentoring people. I love talking to the people that follow my content.

I genuinely enjoy all of it. Some people are like, oh, why do you work so hard? I'm like, I work so hard because I like it. Like, if I didn't like it, I wouldn't have to because guess what? I don't need the money. So like, I do it because I really fucking like it. What I don't like and what I've been...

quote, bad at many times in my life, and I'm sure everybody that watches my content can see this, pausing, sitting still, taking my hands off the wheel, you know, treating rest like it's a threat to my success.

when what I have come to realize is that rest is a requirement for success, not a threat to it. So the first thing that I learned, and I tweeted this a couple months ago, and it was a pretty good tweet. I know it resonates with people. It's like, Most people quit when they just need to rest. And I want to explain that rest is not quitting. I'll just say for myself, I have equated rest with laziness for a long time.

And resting is not laziness and resting is not quitting, right? Quitting, I wrote this down, quitting is walking away because you don't want to finish, right? Because it feels too hard, because it feels too difficult. Resting is stepping back so that you can actually finish. And it's...

And when I wrote this down, I just felt so emotional about it because I was like, wow, this whole time I've equated quitting and resting and being the same things. But the reality is, is that I don't quit. I don't walk away because I don't want to finish.

I rest. I step back so that I can finish because I want to keep going. And during this time where I've been dealing with all this, a lot of people said, like, what are you going to do different? Are you going to take a step back for the business? What are you going to? And I said.

I'm taking a step back temporarily because I want to do this more than anything. And I think, you know, sometimes people go through periods of trauma or loss or grief and then they say, I don't want to do what I was doing before. For me, it's been the opposite. It's like, I want to do it. I fucking miss it. I love it. And I want to do it more than anything, but I don't want to have to quit because I didn't rest.

And I think this applies to business. It applies to our team. It applies to our fitness, our health. If you don't rest intentionally, then you can't come back stronger. And if you refuse to rest, which I did. I brought this upon myself, to be honest with you guys. If you refuse to rest, your body or your business will force you to do it. And that is always more costly. And it was for me. You know, I started this entire health blip with I got the flu.

I didn't rest. I was on a trip. I pushed through. I said, I'm going to do these podcasts. I'm going to do this filming. It got worse and worse. I got infections. And then I had to take antibiotics, got more infections. And if I had just said... I need to rest because I've got a fever of 103, none of it would have happened. Not to mention the stress that I felt because I put this demand upon myself because I said I can't quit.

I can't quit by telling these people I can't do this. I can't quit my commitments. And that's always been something that's tied to my identity. It's like, I don't quit. I don't let people down. I always hold my commitments to people. And what I realized is that rest is not quitting.

And I want that for you guys because I really don't want anybody to have to go through what I just went through because you don't rest when you know you need to, when you know it would be better, because you have this feeling of anxiety or...

apprehension inside of you that's telling you that there's something bad about that. There's nothing bad about resting, and resting is not quitting. Now, the second thing I learned is that pause should be part of your plan, okay? sometimes the best thing that you can do for your company is to stop doing the thing that made you successful in the first place, right? And that's the trap. Like you build the business by just doing so much and then you also...

kill the business by doing so much. Now, why is that? Why will that happen no matter what? Right? You're like, no, I'm going to keep because the business may not break, but you might. And I feel like I got close. I was like, oh, man. You know, as I got sick and everything was going on, my whole team said, well, the biggest threat to the business is that you don't get better. And the moment I realized that I had equated taking care of myself when I'm feeling tired, feeling run down, etc.

with feeling selfish that I realized I was actually being selfish by pushing through because if I go down, the business likely goes down, right? And so, and I actually don't think my business is nested at that point, but it would definitely over time not be great for it.

And so there's always this moment where the next level actually requires less of you, not more of you. More delegation, more trust, more silence, more pausing, more space, more thinking, right? And that's not weakness, that's being strategic.

And I feel like this came at a really opportunistic time in my business because it was a time where I knew, I was like, I felt it in my gut. I was like, you know where you're at right now. You've been here before. You're hitting the amount of employees. Like, you can't operate this way.

I didn't have quite all the right people. And I was like, fuck, if I don't do it, who's going to do it? Right. It's like sometimes you just don't have an option. Like everyone's like, Lily, you should slow down. I'm like. Well, who the fuck is going to run these 12 departments if I do? Because I don't have somebody to oversee these. I just have to get rid of these three people. I'm waiting for these three people to come in. And these things have to happen. I don't have a choice. And so...

I know you guys might be listening to this and you're like, how do I pause? And it's like, you have to find some time. And so while I was dealing with all that, I looked and I was ruthless with my fucking calendar. I was like any, like more than I am because I am pretty ruthless. I don't like wasting my time. But I was 10 times more ruthless.

To the degree of like any people pleasing that I had in my body has evaporated and it has left my body like a ghost. I cannot leave something on my calendar because I think it will please somebody, make somebody happy, make somebody comfortable. If it's not. The most effective for the business, it was off my calendar. That means I skipped a lot of one-on-ones. I skipped a lot of one-on-ones. I started doing group one-on-ones. I skipped a lot of meetings. I skipped a lot of...

like nice to have type things that I knew were going to be better for the company. And guess what happened? What happened was that the team got stronger. Other people picked up where I left off. And so it ultimately ended up being a freaking good thing because it was like, even though I wasn't able to do something, people found alternative ways to get it done. They found alternative people to lean on, to let them depend on them. And so what it taught me is like,

pausing needs to be part of my plan from here on out. And I've already put this into place. I've already changed my calendar. I've already decided how many calls I'm going to take. I've already limited myself and I have set these new boundaries. But I've realized like you can't feel guilt.

about pausing because pausing gives opportunity for other people to step up it gives other people opportunity to build relationships and it gives you opportunity to rest so that you can make good decisions because you have clear mind sound body and good judgment now

The third thing that I learned is that you don't have to prove that you're strong by suffering, right? And I won't say, like, I never said this, right? But I demonstrated it to my team.

i know that and i feel a little bit guilty of it but at the same time i do think there's different times your career where you kind of need to feel like this is suffering uh versus not like me in the first you know five years of business i think it's appropriate that i suffered the amount that i did i was tired i was worn down i didn't look my best and feel my best because my best contribution to the business

time was not my brain. It was not my decision-making. It was not my strategic ability. It was my execution. And so I will say like, when you're in that period of time where you're accumulating enough execution, I want to say like...

will, like goodwill with yourself, with a company, with clients, et cetera, like you probably are going to feel a little bit more run down. So I just want to preface it with that. But you don't have to prove you're strong by suffering, right? I think that there's this like weird... badge of honor in business around suffering. Like, well, I worked 90 hours. Well, I don't take vacation. Well, I don't need sleep. And I've just taken a step back. I'm like, I have just proved to myself over the last

couple of months that my business can grow and get better with me doing less. And I think that part of why I did more was because I had a little bit of that needing something to prove. If I'm being really honest with you guys. I felt like my last business, I got zero, and Allison talked about this, like I got zero credit for building Gym Launch.

And I'm okay with that. But I said, you know what? We're building acquisition.com. We decide on this together. We're true 50-50 partners. Like I didn't know less than you when we started. Like we're doing this together. And so it felt like my baby. And I was like, I have something to prove. I want to prove to people that.

I can be a younger married woman who's partnered with her spouse. I can still be a fucking badass CEO. And I don't need anybody. And I wanted to do whatever I had to do to prove to.

to you guys, to people that watch my content, to people that see me, to every person, like a part of me did. I wanted to prove like I can fucking do it. I can beat all these people who don't ask me to speak on stage, who don't ask me on their podcasts, who talk shit about me behind their back because they say that I had nothing to do with it, that I'm just...

making content that I'm doing all this stuff and it's not the majority of people but I'd be lying if I didn't say I had a little bit of my chip on my shoulder about it. And what I realized is that the way that I demonstrated that was by showing how much I had to suffer. Well, people will believe me if, you know, I'm working this much, if I'm showing how much I'm doing, if I'm doing all these things. And it was like...

Because of that, it just ended up being not a good situation because then I'm doing things to prove something to people who aren't even looking at what I'm doing. They're not even watching me every day, right? And part of it was also proving my team. I'm sure to a degree. It's like, I want to prove to them, like...

I deserve to be running this business. I should be CEO. There's a reason you should follow me. And I think all of that is good. They should need reasons to look up to me. But I do not think strong leaders... suffer just to prove they care. I think that they can care and also not suffer. I think that they build machines so that they don't have to run on fumes so they can be a rock, a support system, et cetera, for their teams. And so I said, you know what, I have to stop.

trying to be the engine and I have to level up and be the architect. And I have done that in the last six months by force and by decision. And it's felt really good because... i recognize now where my strengths lie what i'm good at and i understand now that where we're at as a business i need to be

showing good judgment and good leadership. I don't need to be executing every task all day, every day at the highest level for the most hours because I actually don't make the best decisions doing that. And it's really hard to do both. And so if you're listening to this and you're like, I am suffering, and you don't know why. Who are you trying to prove? Is it people watching you? Is it people on social media? Is it your family? Is it your friends? Is it your team? Like, what is it?

Because there's no rules about this. And you can live your life however the fuck you want to. And I feel really reinvigorated for life because I'm like, I can do whatever the fuck I want. And I don't have to apologize for doing it in whatever way. And if people want to think something about me, then they're going to think something about me.

Sometimes we get really caught up in just doing, doing, doing that. We don't step back to say like, why am I doing this? And maybe it's not for a reason that you actually have chosen. Maybe it's not for a reason you even want anymore. Maybe it's not relevant in your life. I think it's good to step back and say like, do I even want this anymore?

No. I told Alex about two months ago, I said, what I've learned about myself is when we ran Gym Launch, I had all the responsibility and no credit. And now that we run acquisition.com, I think I have the responsibility and the credit. Having both and stepping back, what I've learned about myself is that I prefer the responsibility. I love making content because it helps people. But honestly, I don't need the credit.

And I realize it doesn't do anything for me. It doesn't make my life better. I don't feel better about myself. And if I'm being really honest with you guys, and some of you will relate to this, like you eventually become immune to it. People can say as many nice things as you want them to about you.

It's just like, you just develop a new threshold. It's just like, oh, it's just another day that 50 people told me I changed my life. Like, it sounds terrible, but anybody that makes content and at scale and has a large audience will tell you that actually does happen. And you have to stop and really focus to be grateful for that. And I do do that. But...

What I will say is this, I don't want that to be the reason that I live my life the way I do because of public recognition. I want to live the life that I want to live because of who I am and what I want for myself and what I want my life to look like, not because of public praise. And so...

I really just, in all aspects of my life, said, I can't be the engineer anymore. I have to be the architect. And I just said, no, I'm not going to do that. I think I said no more in this last six months than I've ever said in my life. And you can ask my husband. I'm definitely a no person already. But I just became ruthlessly...

no hinged because i realized that there's just you just don't have time and i think this has also taught me that which is like man life is short the last six months i just spent not doing what I thought I was going to do or what I even wanted to do. And now I feel like I'm behind, right? And so it's just like, life goes by fast. And I will get to the last lesson, which is stillness as a skill.

So when you're building something, I think that when you're building something really big and you really fucking like it and you really put a lot of weight into it, you put a lot of effort in there and you make it mean a lot to you, you get addicted to the noise. You really do. Like the problems, the fires, the winds, the highs, the lows. And being able to sit in stillness without crazy thoughts, without panic, without anxiety, like it becomes rare.

And when you are able to do that, it becomes where you find most of your power. And so what I recognize for myself is that by not allowing myself to pause, by not allowing myself to sit still, by not allowing myself to rest.

I actually was making myself less powerful because that is where I unlocked so much of my strategic thinking, of my good decision-making, of listening to my... I want to say intuition, which I would equate to past experiences that are similar to current experiences that can tell you things about this experience.

So I don't believe in like woo-woo intuition, but I believe in like, I have had similar experiences to this and they didn't work out. This one might not work out. Should I listen to this or not? Right. And I feel like. I just realized I didn't have a good skill of being still. Like, if I didn't wake up and immediately get to work, I felt anxiety. And now it's like, I don't have a problem with that at all. I'm like...

I need to rest. I need to take care of myself. I need time to think. I need time to decompress. I need time to be alone. These things all allow me to be a better leader for the team and I'll be way more strategic. And I just didn't have the skill of staying still until I was forced, literally hurt to move. And so for those of you listening to this, and you're a leader, you're a CEO, you're an entrepreneur, and you're thinking, yeah, I'm really bad at being still.

you know, this whole time I've recruited multiple coaches, doctors, you know, et cetera, to help me. And the one thing they all pointed out is like, for you, Layla, to become the most powerful version of yourself, for you to be the best leader, the best CEO, it's not more doing, it's more not doing. And I have just recognized that is absolutely true and it is helping me.

right now, build my business to the next level, get in the right people because of higher expectations and pour more into the people I have because I now see the gaps that they can fill that I was filling before.

If you're a business owner and you're still listening to this, I don't even know how long I've been recording. I forgot my little recording pod, so this is on my phone. Ask yourself a couple questions, right? One, is the business dependent on your own energy? Are you fuel for your business to run?

Because that's not a good strategy. And eventually you run out and then your business runs out. We don't want that. Right? And if you're honest with yourself, ask yourself this. What would happen if you paused right now? What would happen to your business if you stepped back and you took a pause?

If the answer is that everything would fall apart and a lot of things would go wrong, then that means your business is fragile. Now, what that means is the pause is not the problem. The pause should be part of your plan, right? But you have to then say, what would be needed? What is existing or not existing, right? That would need to stay or go to build me a business that if I paused and if I step back, wouldn't break. So with that.

I'm excited to sort of be back with you guys. I am easing myself back into things as I recover. I am 17 days post-surgery right now. And I had some energy. I wanted to record this podcast. I miss you guys. I love you guys. And share this with somebody who needs to hear it.