To celebrate our 100th episode, we thought it might be fun for us to share from the heart about the last 20 years of our marriage — but we wanted to do that with a bit of a "twist". We hope you enjoy listening in on this unrehearsed conversation where we'll ask each other questions about the past 20 years of our stepfamily journey, our marriage, and the future we each envision. We don't hold back in our candid answers, which you might be surprised by — we were! Maybe you'll gain a new vision for...
Jul 13, 2021•53 min
Feelings of guilt and regret can really drag you down… …and all too often in blended family life, guilt and regret are easily triggered. They sometimes keep you stuck — unable to break free from a heavy emotional burden. Kim knows first-hand what it's like to be trapped in that place. She's also discovered that she didn't have to allow painful guilt and regret to dictate her decisions or negatively impact her life. In this hope-filled episode Kim shares her personal struggles with debilitating g...
Jul 06, 2021•49 min
We all want to be known. We want to feel understood, connected, and unconditionally loved by our spouses. But most blended family couples tend to run into some painful barriers that lead to guardedness, insecurity, and fear within their marriage. We've struggled with those barriers in our own marriage and they sabotaged us from getting what we really wanted. Over time, we discovered that there was a way around the barriers. What was it? Vulnerability. It might sound simple, but the truth is, vul...
Jun 29, 2021•43 min
We all want to keep our kids safe. We want to protect them from the dangers of our world. But the reality is that every child from every background and in every community is at risk of experimenting with drugs and alcohol and even developing an addiction… …and the warning signs of addictive behavior can sometimes be hard to spot. We personally know the shock, disappointment, anger and heartbreak that comes when a child turns to drugs and alcohol. Our daughter experienced an extended season of us...
Jun 22, 2021•58 min
Husbands in stepfamilies have some challenging responsibilities. As Dad or Stepdad (or both!), they tend to carry a lot on their shoulders. They might not always say it — but most men need to feel appreciated and affirmed for all they do. Father's Day is a perfect opportunity to honor the man in your home simply by saying a few words to him — the ones he really needs to hear! In this episode, Mike shares the 3 most meaningful messages he's received from Kim over the years and how these affirmati...
Jun 15, 2021•28 min
You want to experience fun summer activities and events as a family, but you may need to readjust your visitation schedule so that you can include everyone… …and that means negotiating changes with your Ex — which might trigger disagreement, conflict or disappointment. If you're dreading that conversation because things haven't gone well in the past or there's been tension between homes, you're not alone! We've been there more times that we can count. In this episode, we'll share 5 practical tip...
Jun 08, 2021•39 min
We all tend to head into stepfamily life hoping that close bonds will develop and everyone will enjoy spending time together. But this doesn't usually happen as easily or as quickly as we'd like. Instead, most of us are blindsided by the amount of chaos, tension and resistance that pops up around every corner. It can leave us frustrated, confused or even hopeless. If you relate to that at all, you might be at a loss about how to approach bonding when relational tension is high and the kids are e...
Jun 01, 2021•1 hr 3 min
Most of us want to have a healthy sense of parental authority with our kids. We want to lead our home with purpose and make quality decisions that are best for the kids' future — and for ours. But often in the complexities of divorce, loss and single-parenting, the "balance of power" can unintentionally shift toward the kids. When that happens, they gain more and more control over the daily decisions of the household. It usually seems innocent enough at the time… …but when this happens it can ro...
May 25, 2021•56 min
You might have imagined that "blending" would be relatively smooth and easy. But reality hit when your child refused to engage - no matter what you say or do they resist moving forward, and even reject that new person in your life. The tension and conflict leaves you bewildered and it robs you of the happiness you want to experience. One of our listeners understands this all too well — her family is struggling and she asked us to help. Her teenage daughters have refused to accept her decision to...
May 18, 2021•45 min
Most of us want to get along well with the Ex, but unfortunately the story we hear more about is that difficult Ex. You know — that high conflict Ex that leaves you emotionally exhausted. It might feel like your spouse's Ex has way too much power over your home and your life! And when your husband's Ex-Wife (or maybe it's your wife's Ex-husband) is invading your home — you might be tempted to fight back… …but there's a better way to respond to a hostile Ex. In this episode you'll discover practi...
May 11, 2021•51 min
There's no way to soften the blow when Mother's Day expectations are crushed. We all want to experience a relaxed, fun-filled day and we all deserve to be honored as moms and stepmoms. But in the context of a blended family, it isn't so simple. Over the years, we've heard heartbreaking stories of disappointment from stepmoms who've experienced rejection and exclusion on Mother's Day — and they're left to wonder why? As a bio-mom in a blended family, I've experienced disappointment, frustration a...
May 04, 2021•43 min
Most of us start our blended family journey with high expectations and excitement about our family's future. We might know that many things are going to have to change — and change is hard, right? Surprisingly, no. Change isn't hard… …it's the process of transition where most of us get stuck. Somewhere along the way, most of us are left wondering why it's so difficult to reach the new reality we really want — a reality we're sure will be good for everyone once we get there. The truth is, it's no...
Apr 27, 2021•51 min
Most of us want to make things easy and fun for our kids. Especially when they've already been through so much in the past. Now you've fallen in love and are getting ready to blend your family, but you know it might not be as "easy and fun" as you'd like it to be. You want to help them experience a smooth transition, but you just don't know how. And that sense of being unsure might be robbing you of the ability to be intentional and proactive in the "blending" process. For blended families, a pr...
Apr 20, 2021•39 min
In this unique episode you'll get to listen in on a candid conversation between me (Mike) and my step-daughter, Annika. We wanted to understand more about what it was like for Annika growing up in our blended family — so, I asked her to simply be open and honest as she answered some tough and insightful questions. Simple questions like: As a step-parent, what do you think I did well? What do you wish I would've done differently? The answers she gave kind of surprised me and they might surprise y...
Apr 13, 2021•1 hr 7 min
Surly you love your kids and step-kids. You probably have a desire to build strong bonds with them, but somehow that might be proving more difficult than you first imagined. It's common for the relational complexities of a blended family to work against you when it comes to your kids actually feeling love and connection. And it's not just the kids — you might struggle to feel loved in your couple-relationship when both of your "love needs" aren't being met… …this can magnify tension in your home...
Apr 06, 2021•36 min
Everyone wants a "good blend"… …the closeness, happiness, trust, and emotional safety that helps us experience love in our blended family. But, many of us quickly find that love is complicated in blended family life. Unmet expectations, confusion and hurt feelings seem to invade our home and it's hard to know how to make sense of it all. We've felt those and many more disappointments over the years, but thankfully there was more to the story — and we weren't alone in our journey. We found some g...
Mar 30, 2021•1 hr 17 min
One of the most painful realities of my divorce was facing the fact that my daughter would be splitting her time between two homes. Every time Annika left for her dad's house, I would feel empty, disconnected and even numb. After I remarried, I wanted to engage in normal life with Mike and our mutual kids while Annika was at her dad's — but for me, things just weren't normal and I didn't feel "okay". I was constantly thinking of Annika. I was missing her and worrying about her. And I didn't want...
Mar 23, 2021•44 min
Favoritism is kind of a "yucky" word in families — but the truth is favoritism can pop up in some unexpected ways in just about any family. And blending families can be particularly susceptible. When unintended favoritism creeps in, it can wreak havoc and do long-term damage to relationships. The first step to protecting your blended family from this kind of enemy is to understand all the ways that subtle favoritism can sneak into your unique situation. In this episode you'll discover four speci...
Mar 16, 2021•45 min
This is the second half of our conversation from last week where we discussed the sensitive topic of kid's grieving when one of their parents is absent in their life. If you missed the last episode, you may want to go back and listen to Episode 81 first — then come back here to catch the second half of the conversation where we'll also explore how this dynamic might impact the blending process. It can sometimes create unique barriers in a child's ability to accept a step-parent. If you or someon...
Mar 09, 2021•34 min
The best scenario for kids is when they can have a healthy relationship with both of the parents they love. Sadly, many kids in blended families have a gaping hole in their life because one of their parents is absent. Whether a parent's absence is due to abandonment, inconsistency, or death — the impact can be heartbreaking. Missing a parent who is absent can be one of the hardest realities for kids to work through. And it might be one of the most challenging struggles for that remaining parent ...
Mar 02, 2021•32 min
Blended family marriage is unique and it takes intentional effort to stay connected and communicate well. That is especially true when the typical stressors, pressures and disagreements hit. There seem to be these times along the way when we simply don't know how to handle the unique dynamics or manage conflict well. And if we don't intentionally do something about it, it can be detrimental to our marriage — and our entire blended family. We know about these kinds of challenges first hand and so...
Feb 23, 2021•39 min
Every couple has conflict. That's a simple reality we should all expect — especially for those of us who live each day in the challenges of blended family dynamics. But one thing that's not so simple, is fully understanding the unhealthy ways most of us tend to react when conflict hits. It's tough to identify exactly how to avoid those toxic reactions that many of us have. And left unchecked, they can lead to damaging our relationship and long-term unresolved issues. In this episode, we'll uncov...
Feb 16, 2021•38 min
Every relationship starts with attraction and some passion. And true intimacy grows as we get to know and discover each other. And then we make the decision to commit ourselves exclusively to each other through saying our "I do's". But this is just the beginning of building a lifelong love. As time goes by challenges of blending set in, life gets busy and stressful. It's common for passion, intimacy and commitment to slowly subside. And while it's unrealistic to expect that you'll maintain the s...
Feb 09, 2021•41 min
Maybe we all start out on a similar romantic path — we meet, connect at a deep level and then fall in love. But when the dating stage gives way to everyone living under the same roof, blended family couples inevitably seem to be thrust toward a path of unforeseen challenges that rob them of that connection and excitement of falling in love. Why is this? Because a blended family marriage is simply different than a first family marriage. You might believe that when it comes to marriage, there shou...
Feb 02, 2021•35 min
The truth is there are going to be times when we mess up. We unintentionally lose control…we make mistakes…and the result is usually distance and tension in our most important relationships. There is no such thing as a perfect parent — or a perfect step-parent. And the good news is, when we say or do something that causes hurt feelings, we don't have to stay stuck in the disconnection and awkwardness it creates! In this episode, we'll share some intentional steps you can take to make amends and ...
Jan 26, 2021•39 min
I wanted to connect with my step-daughter, Annika from day 1. But sometimes — if I was really honest, she drove me a bit nuts. Her habits, choices and approach to life was waaayyy different than mine. I spent a lot of energy trying to "correct" her, but usually I was left exhausted and it never seemed to make a difference. I couldn't understand why she just didn't seem to get it — and that wedge of frustration created distance between us… …exactly the opposite of the connection I was looking for...
Jan 19, 2021•39 min
Ever wondered why your usual 'go-to' consequences for the kids seem to have lost their impact? Or maybe you've been struggling to get on the same page as a couple to come up with consequences that you're able to follow through with? We want our kids to learn self-control and take responsibility for their poor choices. But it feels like we've run out of options to respond with consequences that actually help kids learn. When Mike and I were stuck there, it took us a while to figure out the secret...
Jan 12, 2021•53 min
You might think that 'boundaries' are just about getting kids to comply and behave — but that really isn't the goal. Loving boundaries provide stability, motivation and training so that kids develop self-control, respect, and responsibility for life. Most of us understand that boundaries are an important focus for every family — but in a blended family, things tend to feel overwhelming and complicated. In this episode, we'll share a simple 4-step process that'll help you work as a team to set an...
Jan 05, 2021•41 min
Most step-couples start out trying to simply use common sense around how to "blend" their family and create bonded relationships. But it seems like we quickly discover that our common sense around bonding doesn't work very well and we're not getting where we really want to be. Unfortunately, our initial ideas around how to bond in a blended family actually might create unhealthy barriers. Many couples unintentionally build pressure and unrealistic expectations for themselves and everyone in the ...
Dec 29, 2020•35 min
The holidays are a time for laughter, joy, connection and peace. But for blended families, all of that can be hijacked by our kids' difficult emotions and disappointment. And for most of us it's hard to know how to respond. Kim's daughter, Annika struggled with difficult emotions moving between two homes — and her disappointment seemed especially sensitive around the holidays. Her sullen behavior was hard for us to understand and we didn't always know how to help her work through her emotions in...
Dec 22, 2020•50 min
