127: Stream Of Consciousness 2

Weird things happened in the weird Weird Weird. AYO, what's up everybody today? We have a very very special sequel episode for you today that it's gonna be like that. Oh, it's gonna be like, yeah, we're acknowledging it from up front. Uh, a lot of you if like longtime fans will know uh that like episode six, we did an episode called a Stream of Consciousness, and as you see by the title, this is the Stream of Consciousness too. We waited about one hundred and twenty one episodes. We

felt like that was an appropriate time. We always intended to do this, give it a good break, right, right, It was intentional from the very beginning. And don't believe it's not. So we're doing another one a Stream of Consciousness. We're just gonna get in here and chop it up. We need a break, yeah, honestly, No, it's just like we always come in here with a topic and it's like it can be a big undertaking to do like rigorous preparation and do all the study and then like constantly

think of what are we gonna talk about on this one? What are we gonna talk about this one? And I was just thinking I was like, bro, what if we just like get in there and just like talk as friends? Yeah, and so yeah, which is like you know, always we're the type of friends that'll sit and talk. Honestly, most of our friends will like sit and talk for hours and hours and just talk and have

a good time. But also there have been like there's at least on for me, there's like been something kind of like on my mind lately, and some things like weighing on me that might not like fit into like a structured Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like like a structure, it wouldn't like fit the theme of an episode, but I still want to talk about Also in addition to that, Yeah, that's a very good point, Like there are a lot of things that may be on our mind that we want

to talk about or we want to like flesh out. But you know, when we're doing a topic on gnosticism or or you know, Pinocchio by Garamovitorio or some random topic, I mean, yeah, we are kind of pointed to where we just have to talk about things that are outside of like actually what we're going through. So mm hmm. Yeah, and up front, real quick, big thank you to one of our patrons, Flag and Slayer, Flagon Slayer in our discord, he sent us these lovely gifts. He

sent me this. Oh and by the way, I want everybody to know and Flagon Slayer to know, because I haven't even gotten a chance to thank him, you know, personally, yet thank you. This is amazing. The crazy thing about this, I haven't even told you you this, Alex, this book. When I first pulled it out, I couldn't really tell what it was. It's kind of vague. It's called The Immortality Key The Secret History of the Religion with no name, you know, that doesn't necessarily

say exactly what it is after reading the back though. It's about like ancient Greek Christian mysticism, because you know, like, what do you say, is that interesting? Yeah, it's it's really wild. But it's particularly wild because, over like the past few weeks or like a month or so, I've specifically been thinking about this because you might so, like the modern predominant religion in Greece and amongst like Greeks around the world is Christian Orthodox. You

know, it's like their own kind of orthodox Christian belief system. But I was like thinking recently, like Okay, how did we go from a pantheon of powerful mystical gods to like Christianity just like generally like Greek culture. Yes, yeah, how it's a big leap. It's strange to me. It's really strange to me. Another thing that I've been thinking about is like, did that whole like kind of belief system and thought system of this pantheon of

gods all representing different aspects of nature? Like, did that just dissolve? Is there no one out there that believes in that kind of you know thing? Yeah, I've always wondered that too, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, And this is like getting into exactly that. So you I don't know how flag in between you're talking about, Yeah, exactly. I imagine

it's like anywhere you go around the world. Man, Like you go to a place like like I just went to Mexico, right, It's it's very there's a lot of Catholicism there, but then you see notes of like the local indigenous beliefs. I mean where I was in Puerto Varta, everywhere you

walk around, it's the shamanism, the peote worship or whatever. It's like, I imagine it's probably the same in parts of Greece where it's like sure it's christianized, it's modernized, but they probably have elements of reverence or worship to some of these like ancient you know practices, Greek specific practices. Yeah.

Like I just like kind of peaked at the Table of Contents and there's like a whole chapter about how they used ambrosia or like mead, you know, or like early types of beer and stuff as like a pseudo psychedelic you know. They yeah, yeah, they would like do these rituals with it and involved it and everybody would like drink it and whatever, and they had you know, like the whole Dioneasian rituals and like, yeah, shit like

that. It's like, yeah, they're getting drunk and they're tripping and they're finding out crazy mystical shit. You know. It's what was that they're getting drunk? No, I don't have a problem, right, No, But that just made me realize that people do that today. They just don't think about it as ritualistic. Like what is going to a club dancing to music and getting drunk that's a dian Easian ritual? Well, I mean yeah, kind of or a multiple culture ritual Yeah, and nobody's like, oh,

I'm going to ritualistically get drunk tonight. Yo. You know what though, when you start listening to the French disco club scene in the nineties, that's his Gregorian. Yeah, you know, like they get it, Yeah, they get it. Yeah. Can you imagine like being in the medieval era and like going to a disco and it's like beats with like Gregorian. That's what I fantasize about. This is a real kind of music. I listened to it. Yeah, we know, a right, trying to convince us

they don't know what I mean. I forgot. I forgot that this goes out to people. Yeah it does. I forgot. You're right, you're right. Look up. Sadanists by Enigma. That's the one. Yeah, that's that's a secret deep cut like amongst the Bloods family. That's one of our favorite, most cherished and and just loved songs in our family. One more time, Uh Sadanis by Enigma. Let me says say yeah, like SA d E n E s s Back in the nineties, my dad had

let me find the exact version. There's two versions of that song. Just play a little bit. Sadanis Prientheses Part one. It came out in nineteen ninety It's like some French disco song. But no, it's funny because in the nineties my dad had one of those CDs that you buy off the TV. It was called the CD off the TV. Remember they used to sell CDs on the TV. It was called Pure Moods nineteen ninety seven, and it had a bunch of it had like ya X files remix, just like

a bunch of vibe music. I guess he saw the commercial and he bought it. And when we would go on road trips, like he'd be playing the CD over and over and that song was on there, and it's it's just like a legendary meme in our family. Privately, I recently let you guys in on it for the first time. Oh yeah, just within the past few months. It's honestly a bop. It's a bop. It really is a bop. And when you tried to find it the first time,

it was like impossible. We couldn't find it because there's like a part one, a part two. There's different versions of it. But yeah, another thing that I want to talk about real quick is our new server and our Discord, thank god, because I wanted to talk about that. All right, Yeah, I've talked about it on full disclosure, but let them know, bro, it's it's it's you're talking about Aouheim, right, absolutely? Oh my god, dude. We for the last two weeks, so Nick,

for the last year. Maybe how long have we had the discord about a year? Right? This year? Last year? Year? Right? No, it can't be two years. Maybe year and a half. It was last year, last March. No, we're coming up on two years. Well this coming March would be too. Dang, that's great. Yeah, yeah, it flies, it really does. Yeah. So for about a year now we've Nick has at least had at various points he's had a Minecraft server, which has done well. I personally am not a Minecraft player,

so I just I can't get into Minecraft. So I've I've never really been involved with it, you know, but Nick and several of the the patrons and the discord have played Minecraft off and on for the last year. So Vaalheim recently came to Xbox and I was just like, dang, like that'd be really cool, or rather Blake. It was Blake, dude.

It was like right after we started the Minecraft server we started. We do it in seasons, so we'll put up a server, leave it for a few months, and then once people get bored of it, we'll take it down, and then later a couple months after we'll do a new season whatever. We started this newest season and Blake was like, yo, I've never played Minecraft, which, by the way, Blake, you're insane. In two weeks he learned more about the game than I've known in over ten years.

It's like, it's unbelievable. But by the way, who Blake is? What do you mean they don't know who Blake is? Oh yeah, shout out Blake Powers. Uh, this is our buddy from high school. I mean I think I might have even known him in middle school, but definitely high school. Uh. There's this infamous story about one of the first bands that Ryan and I were in and watching the Watchers. You can't even.

You can't even we were in you know, you can't. We created it and then did nothing with it because we were kids, because yeah, we were children. Well, we did a couple things. What we did was we cleaned out a shed to put Ryan's drum set in, and then we made a design for a t shirt that never came out. Yeah. You know what's interesting that you might not remember Casey drew the design and then Blake digitized it. Really yeah, I didn't know that. Yes, he

digitized. He would be the dude to do, like just just because I know. So there's this there's this like hilarious picture of the day that we were cleaning out the shed. We're all like standing around Ryan, Ryan as a cast because you had broken your wrist or I broke my arm. Yeah yeah my radio bone and Blake is in that picture. So anyway, uh, Blake, you know, after after high school moved to Florida. I

haven't seen Blake in like thirteen or fourteen years. It's been a long long time, but I mean we were close with him in high school and dude, out of the blue a couple months ago, a few months ago or something, I get a message from him on Facebook out of nowhere. Hey, man, uh, I just want to let you know I just finished listening to every single episode of your podcast beginning to end in the last two weeks and two time speed Yes, he listened on two times, one hundred

plus yeah episodes and he's like it changed my life. I love it so much. I love what you guys are doing. I'm proud of you, and like that meant the world already. But then he joined the Discord. He's like one of the most active people in there. He's the most he's he's just amazing. You're the best, Blake. Uh. Anyway, we're doing the Minecraft thing and he's like, hey, man, you play Valheim

and I was like, yeah, totally, I have. Dude. I was like, dude, I have like two hundred something hours in Valheim. I've played a lot of Valheim. He's like, sick, I have three thousand hours in it. It's thirteen fifty oh okay, fourteen thirteen okay, he showed me on deck. Yeah, so I've played a lot of it. I have two hundred something hours. He has like six times what I have. And he's like, if you ever wanted to start a Valheim server, I'll start it. Yeah. So then next thing you know, I

started talking to Blake. I was like, dude, no, no. We played Valheim one night and then the next day I was like, Blake, let's do it, and he was like okay, and we set up a server. So that's what we've been building the story to say is like, for the last two weeks we've actually been playing Valheim with Dang, We've got like ten plus people up in the server. Yeah, massive Viking Lodge.

Like it's a lot of fun. It's one of the funnest times I've ever had, honestly, just playing with the people who who have our backs and support us and listen to the show. And it's just like good vibes. I'm honestly, yes, it is. I'm loving just the like dichotomy or the you know, just the feeling of like playing chilling in a video game with a bunch of like people who love the show. Yeah, and you know they they want to talk to us. We want to talk to

them. This just gives us like a really easy way to do that. Like we already sit around and play video games for hours, might as well play it with freaking you know, our our people. I already have thoughts too, like, you know, because because Valhem won't last forever, Like where can we go from there? I was thinking, bro, like when

GTA six comes out, we'll have to do a BSS gang online. Oh and like and like, yeah, we'll make a BSS gang because there's you know those lobbies can be huge, like fifty players at least on GT five. I don't know GT six, right, How funny would it be if we had a BSS gang and we like ran servers and like, no, no, we we go out there with no weapons and we enlighten everyone. Oh that's true, Let's do the gang, Blake. Blake even had a

funny idea he's I was talking about, so long story short. I went to Florida last week to visit my sister and me and my brother in law Jack, and like we were just saying, you know, it's just total synchronicity, Like we haven't talked to Blake since high school over ten years ago, and he happened to like thirty minutes away from my sister, you know, so I visited him. We hung out one day, like the whole day, and it was a great time, and I was telling him that.

I was like, dude, I've been having so much fun with Alheim. And then the GT six trailer came out like the day before, so you know, we were talking about GK six and I was like, dude, how funny would that be if we had a gang on GT six? And Blake made the joke. I did not. I'm not aware of this. Like, I don't know that much about GTA lore, but apparently there's like a religious group in there. It's like a meme, but they like

worship the light. And he was like, how funny would it be if we if we were like, you know, acolytes of that group in the game. Yo, you know what I mean? If we're gonna do that, Like it's gonna be two years before that. Oh I know, let's just started fantasizing. Let's just started in GTA five. Bro, I am so down. We need to finish the game, Ryan, huh, I should Hey, like, I've never been in the count of five, never

be either, Bro? How have I heard? I have beat this game four times, but it's like one of the only games you've ever played though, Yeah it really is. I probably played a thousand videos, but I just want to take this moment serious. I have played the game, and y'all have it? Okay? Hold up? That brings up an interesting question, Alex. Have you played Red Dead Redemption? Yes? I finished it finally, the second one. Yes, Red Dead two. I haven't played one, but I played two. One is old, bro, Yeah,

one's old. But two two is the prequel to one, it is, right, So uh yeah, I cried at the end of that game. Oh yeah, dude, it's it's fair. Game is immaculate. I got to the end. I never beat it, but dude, it's awesome, awesome. I just the story is amazing. Yeah yeah, and I just am a sucker for some cowboys stuff. Of course, we know, we know if they made a red Dead Redemption that was about surfing or something like

that, Like I mean, I'll probably never put it down. All I'm saying is that if if I had a button to go back to eighteen eighteen whatever and be a cowboy, like like a blown be a part of that game. Okay, you play as well. Okay, Okay, this brings up an interesting question. Now, would you hit that button even if it means leaving everyone you love behind? Yes? Well, oh my god.

I have a better option though, because, like, literally, me and you could just like schedule a Saturday coming up where we get together and we do like intimate Yellowstone role play. Oh that's not where I thought that was going. When I say no, and when I say intimate, I only just mean like no one else is inbided sure, that's all. I mean, we're the only ones in the room, and we role play like we're characters from Yellowstone, Right. Yeah, sure, I'm not going to say

yes as quickly. You might still say yes, but not as quickly. You don't like that idea. I like it. It's not that I don't like the idea. I'm just not going to say yes as quickly. Oh God, I can get it, yes, listen, I can squeeze it. Yes, now you're talking about squeezing intimately metaphor. I don't know anyway. I just picked up GTA five on Steam. It was on sale for ten bucks. All right, So have you started playing the campaign now?

I haven't even touched it. You've been playing Valheim, brother, Yes, honestly, we've been playing Valheim, and I don't think I've been playing anything other than Valheim. I haven't wanted to. I'm not trying to get in the way of Valheim here, Nick, But I need you to beat the game before Ryan does, so then we can gang up on Ryan and make him finish five what GTA? Yeah? How long is a campaign? Like freaking fifty hours? Like? It's really not that it's a big game.

I'll try to say it's not long. Okay, maybe maybe it got shorter

on my fourth play through. Yeah, yeah, maybe it did. Yeah, because once you beat a campaign, you know the through line of all the main quests, you can just rush right through it, like you know, playing Skyrim twelve years later, you could barrel through the story and be clear, I'm just talking about the main storyline, and when you get done, you're like fifty eight per sent done, right, and then there's another there's another like what wait, so you can just rush through the main storyline.

Yeah, I just do that, and there's like all the side quests and stuff that add to the percentage, just like just like Red Dead most games, you get done with Red Dead and you're like seventy eight percent through. I didn't know that, yeah yeah yeah. And then honestly, the whole GTA online thing is really sick. Yeah we make a gang. Yeah, yeah, we're motorcycle club or that too. Oh my god. The other day, this is so ridiculous. I can't believe I saw this.

This was maybe yesterday, Yes, it was yesterday. My brother, my dad and I were driving. We went to go early in the morning before we started work. We went to pick up a washer form. My grandma nice and we picked it up. And on the way over there, I saw a biker church. It's called Freedom Biker Church. I know about that. Here's the funny. I know people that went there. Really, I don't want to say sure, sure, yeah. Here's the funny part.

We passed by it one way and we only saw one side of the building, and I was like, we were losing it. We were like, that's a biker church's yeah yeah. We were like, what is a biker church? We're just joking, just cracking up about it or whatever. And I was joking like, dude, there's no pews or seats or anything. They just drive up to the altar and whatever. Right, dude, that would be wait. Wait. On the way back, we saw the other

side of the building. There's no doors into the building. It's only garages. And dude, the building is not that big and the garage doors are massive. I'm thinking, yes, I'm thinking they literally drive in park, turn the bike off, and listen to the sermon. Honestly, I would do that. But I was also joking like, instead of applause, everybody just like yeah, yeah, but a biker church, said so Biker Church

is what we're gonna do in GTA. Hell yeah, well we'll just like we'll just like do episodes of the podcast like yeah, yeah, live for Nothing but bikers. Do you remember? Dude? That would be a sweet Patreon thing to do. No, I'm serious, because you wanted to do uh what was it? No? Virtual reality? This is getting out of hand. Bss Fest online. This thought of six that's where we're gonna hold

the first bss Fest is inside of grand the thought. I have always wanted to do some sort of virtual thing, Like remember we were talking about like Minecraft, what if we did an episode of Minecraft that was just a primitive idea you wanted to do the what was it called the VR? Yeah, yeah, yeah, in VR episode. I'm just saying maybe for a Patreon perk down the road, we could do a virtual episode, don't you do? You know I thought you had a VR thing. I do. I

thought so, but I don't really have anybody else who has one. To a quest yeah question to Oculus question, yeah yeah, yeah, Okay, you can do the whole like meta thing and you could go yeah, but it's like just me going in by myself. So it's like, you know, I still want to do something with that in my mind is like nothing's ever closed, you know, we can always revisit or or we could do

Nintendo Golf episode. Oh my god, Alex, I can only hear you talk about doing Nintendo Golf so much without you actually going and doing it on the internet before I get furious. Look at your shirt. Okay, that actually I stumbled onto the Nintendo Switch sub reddit on accident. Oh bullshit, on accident. No, the Switch sports, I mean right, and I was scrolling through the homepage and there's only one guy on there who's better than me at golf. No, but I also hear that you go online,

it gets harder. Hey, I bet on GTA I could snipe you, dude. I bet you kid, I bet I could snipe you man. Oh my god, bro, I'm telling you man like Valheim is, since playing that game with the omis in the Discord, I have not wanted to play another game. No, yeah, me too, And I just honestly am loving the vibe of getting in there and playing games with all the vibe. Yeah, I want to keep doing it, and honestly, like whenever the Valheim thing kind of dies down, which hopefully will be a while because

it's a lot of fun right now. Like hopefully we'll just jump right into another game and we'll just keep doing that and we could even get to a point someday where we like officially schedule it out and make it. Yeah, Blake had that idea. He was like, y'all should have some sort of a schedule. Yeah, you have a yearly schedule, like showing what games we're gonna be playing what months, or it doesn't have to be the whole

year. I don't know something like I thought about the Lingo Fortnite thing, but I was like, uh, I don't know, because it's too similar to Valheim. It's very similar. It's pretty sick though, Like I don't I don't you know, I don't play Fortnite, but that was awesome. I saw the trailer and then my nephew Jonah, was like, hey, let's play it, and I was like, okay, whatever. Basically, with Jonah, if he tells me he wants to play something with me,

I'll just an I don't care what it is. Even if he told me like he wanted me to play regular Fortnite with him, I'd be like, all right, I'll play with it. He's my little nephew. You know, I'll play whatever he wrote. That kid had me playing row Blocks. You know that's a VR now really like recently. Yeah, OK, think about that. Yeah, think about the applications of that. Yeah, it's pretty insane. It's also kind of scary because like it's mostly children. Yeah,

you know, yeah, I've never actually played. But you know what's funny is we were playing like a because basically the way that Roadblocks works, I guess is like there's no like one version of rob there's no like base version of Roadblocks. It's like people make different games to play within it, and there was there is currently the most popular, like server in it is a one piece game really yeah, and I mean, like, dude, it's Roadblocks, Like, don't get too excited. But for Roadblocks, it

was like kind of cool. Like there's like a hundred different devil fruit powers that you can get and you have to like find them and you actually have to sail to all the islands. That's cool. You get to choose to either be a pirate or a marine, like that's cool. It's kind of that's cool. Yeah. The gameplay is like obviously like so clunky, and basic and visually it's a nightmare. It looks like little legos running around. It looks worse than it looks like if like my you know, four year

old niece made legos out of play though. Bro obviously, our our buddy Jacob, shout out Jacob. He you know he has a daughter. Obviously. I'm just saying because the listener is not sure, you know, but yeah, when she was younger, she she loved roadblocks and it was funny man, Like anytime you be at Jacob's house, like just staying, you know, and he'd be like, look at what she's playing, and it's always horror. It's a horror. Yeah, yeah, that is horror,

specifically always that's a thousand percent Jacob's daughter. It's hilarious just walking in like seeing it, like, you know, that's funny, man, good memories walking in on like weird roadblocks games. Yeah. Hey, I wanted to kind of just catch up with you boys and just see how things have been lately. I never I've been good. I never got the opportunity to thank Flagg and Slayer for my book. Oh please, we did your book, and you never showed your crystal. He also sent us any crystals. I

got a I'm not sure. I think this is amethyst. It didn't say it was just in there looks like it. Yeah, it looks like it to me, at least chevron amethyst. But I got an amethyst crystal and two books. Actually, he sent me a Campo dell Colo meteorite, which is like a meteorite that fell like four to six thousand years ago. It's crazy and Campo dell Colo, I guess translates to field of heaven wow, which is unreal. This is just like a tiny little piece of a six

thousand year old meteor that fell to the earth. I got these two books. I got The Thinkers of the East by Idri's Shah. It's a book on Sufi teaching, which is esoteric Islam. I thought that was pretty cool. And then I got In Search of the Miraculous The Teachings of g I Gurdjieff. Remember on Armali episode she was talking about gerdiff a little bit back from the Borderline. Yeah, this is a classic exploration of Eastern religious thinking

and philosophy. So that was cool. Like he handpicked what books and what crystals and what It was a really thoughtful gift. That's the first thing. I said, like, this is such a thoughtful gift. It's crazy, Like it was so thoughtful. He even knew like the specific niche of thing that I was trying to read about. So thoughtful that I didn't get left out exactly even the gifts. Yeah, gifts. I got a similar book to Ryan, The Tales of the Dervishes. So I can't wait to figure

out what would you call me similar gift to Ryan Nook? You said, Ryan, d you heard that right now, it'll come out, it'll come out. And then he also, I didn't get a crystal, but he sent me a ancient Roman coin, Constantine one, so that stoked about that. Yeah, that's sick. Yeah, I'm like, I'm trying to figure out. I'm like, how can I wear this? Oh, dude, Actually, I know a guy in Fayetteville who this is no joke. He has a business turning ancient coins into jewelry. That's cool. I'm not kidding.

Actually, you know Tommy, that's his dad. That might hit my jeweler if they can do a little. He's made like multiple members of our family rings out of Greek drachma coins like that'lace. It would be it would be sick. Yeah, so if you want to like turn that into a necklace or something, Alex, you could even get that like set into a ring. That would be crazy, dude, hard, that would get so hard, like a tiny little kiss my ring. It's constantine. It's just

the energy that you said that with ring. I make you guys do it when you walk in here. Well, I'm sorry, I said it weird. I'm just I'm just a little famished of energy after our intimate Yellowstone role play. Okay that it didn't happen though, Oh it was. It was. He's been sitting over here thinking about that in the entire time. Because you think about it so much, it becomes real, right, yeah, physically, so you're over there physically exhausting yourself, fantasizing about you and Alex

playing Yellowstone role play. Intimate yellow Oh sorry, intimate, Like it just means we're alone. Yeah, it's just semantics. It just means no one else is invited. No, no, no, no, no, the guys are not interested. You're not, dude. The language is so intentional, and you know it. Don't act like it's no, it's not semantics. You chose those words specifically and now you're choosing more words specifically, you say you're exhausted, you're depleted. What did you say? I'm depleted,

famished, famished famish. That means there's a hunger presence. I've basically excreted all my staminas. Okay, dude, are you for real playing the semantics game with me right now? And you're using words like excreted, it's it just means like to shed something you know, shed is not as as wild. To be fair, you're getting better. You're selling that I've been shedding my vigor. Okay, all right, all right, dude, you're you're leaning back into the ship. Okay, I mean you know, it's just

the way it is, and I'm not gonna change. I'm not gonna change the way he's looking right at me when he said that it's intimate. It's intimate. You have to look. That's the first rule of intimacy eye contact. When when role playing as cowboys from a TV show, you do realize, you do realize that those cowboys are in modern times, and you didn't even notice that if we're gonna role play as cowboys, it's not gonna be modern times. So it's not gonna be Yellowstone. No, No, it

would definitely have to be but our DRP. If you want to do it like an Arthur and Joseia kind of thing, or like Arthur and Dutch thing, you know, then it wouldn't be as quick of a Yes, I was thinking more like Jackie and Jimmy. Who's that it's just me and him? Are cowboy versions? Where did those names? Wait? Wait wait, I called Jimmy. One of them is named Jackie. Yeah, and Jimmy. Okay, Jackie and Jimmy are probably the least Yeah, they're probably the

least cowboy names I've ever heard of in my whole entire life. Jackie and Jimmy. That's like you could have picked like Timothy and Fred what I mean? Yeah? And those are like that just it just came to me in that moment, you know, dude, those those are probably just as far off. Yeah, No, that's what I'm saying. If a cowboy rolled up to me and said, yo, my name is Timothy, I'd be like, you're fucking yeah. But if he came up and said Jimmy,

you would feel more convinced. Jimmy, Yeah, I'd say Jimmy and Jackie you brothers. They're not brothers. Okay, they're not brothers. They're very close friends. How how close I mean? You know, I don't want to get into like the privacy of what they do alone, you know. Okay, Okay, So there just even insinuating that there is privacy, and there there needs to be the point of the intimate role play session is because no one else is invited sessions. It's like, why would you that don't

understand what you're doing, right, they would judge? Of course, yeah, of course, and you and we can't have that in our intimate Yellowstone roll play. Well, we scrapped Yellowstone Yellowstones out, dude, Yeah, stick with the r D r P R R D r P. Okay, I like it, man, You guys look, I want to see you manifest this into real life. I really I want to. Basically we post on Instagram we have cowboy hats? Yeah? Do we have cowboy hats in

the building right now? We do? Actually, Christmas, hang on, because we might could do we might could go ahead and act this out. We can actually we should You want to act this out? Yeah, you're gonna have to dig up in there in the prop Ben prop Honestly, dude, what better episode to to try something like this out? Nobody's watching this? Well, this is this Nobody is watching this. No, they're watching then, and this, this is a taste of what is to come.

This is a taste of all get on the green boys. Uh well, have we announced that? No, and we don't have to. I'm just saying it's a taste of what's to come. Right by taste taste, let them, let them, let them give more to the imagination. Okay, you am I Is there a part for me to play in this or No? I'm not invited because I don't respect the intimacy. No, you're invited to this one. I'm the voyeur' the what I'm sorry, I meant to

say viewer, not voyeur. That I don't know what you're talking about there, man, Yeah, I know, I'm just talking about viewing. Okay, Okay, bear with us for a second, folks, we're suiting up. You know this is all for you. Let's just remember this is all for our lovely viewers. Okay, let me give you guys a setting. Let me give you guys a little intro. Here. Here we go, quiet, quiet, quiet on the set. Okay, here we go. Welcome back, y'all. The day was cold, the night was colder,

and two lone cowboys found each other on one another's path. Could they find refuge within one another? Let's tune in and find that Pardner. We come in on our two cowboys, Jackie and Jimmy, passing passing one another on a crossroads. Jimmy found I found wait, wait, accidentally we have Oh okay, I found this dazzling crystal that reminds me of the gleam in your eyes. Why, thank you, Jackie. That's a nice looking crystal right there. It's nice and thick and round. That looked really nice in my

saddle bag. Here. What do you say? What do you say? We tie up and hog tie rob this motherfucker. I think that's a great idea, Jackie. That's taken for all his pennies. You're gonna find that hard. You thought it was like that. We're actually hard cowboys, bro, You're hardest. We're hard as nail. You guys are so hard and intimate guys. You guys are hard as nails and intimate. We're hard as nails, bro. That's that's is that as far as it goes, I

think that's the and then we rolled into the bank and got shot. And at the end of the story, that's the legacy of Jackie and Jimmy. That ballad, the Ballad of Jackie and Jimmy. Wow, honestly, fucking bravo boys. Yeah that that that took a lot out of me. Thank you. That took a lot out of me. Yeah. Let's keep the hats on though, Okay, yeah, sure, keep the hats the shamanic art of act. No, Alex, put your hat back on, buddy, Come on, you gotta be you gotta embody. Wait. So I

gathered from that that he is he's Jimmy Jimmy. Yeah, he claimed it. I'm Jackie, He's Jimmy, You're Jackie, I'm the I'm the ever present Voyeur. Well, oh no, dude, you're you're you're the voice. That's my name broke Backy, he wrote, Backy the Cowboy. Yeah, wow, dude, he said, that's terrible. That's terrible. Okay, now you just made it really difficult to like get into a serious conversation. But you know what, I'm glad that it happened. Let's have a

Let's have a real serious conversation with these hats on. Okay, that's my favorite thing to do is wear funny hats during serious situations. Yeah, because well, no, just just during life, because I feel like, hang on, I'm noticing a little Southern drawl coming out of you wearing the hat, he says, just during live. Yeah, I love wearing a funny hat because it makes me think of like the Gardenome or the village Wizard or you know. It's just kind of like cuts through the bs and just establishes

you right there as being in a different plane from anyone else. I feel that it sends a message. It does. It sends a message. It's kind of like when you're in the ancient city of Venice and they're throwing a massacre. Okay, okay, continue, Sorry, sorry, wait, but what do they do and you get to be your true self because no one knows who's who. You're talking like that too. What's happening right now? The two of you are literally like becoming cowboys in front of my eyes.

Hey, I'll always be in one partner, all right, Okay, you're a surfing cowboy. Hang ten, brother, and we have a whole surfing thing going on that you. Hey, it's weird that you brought up Venice. Though. That's kind of a synchronicity because like two nights ago, Casey and I were watching One Piece and we just got to uh because I went back and I'm watching it with her. I'm currently in dress Rosa, but

I'm watching with Casey right now. Water seven. She just started Water seven And if you guys have seen it out there, Water seven, the actual island is based on Venice. It's based on Venice, Italy. Like it's all the water canals and the waterfalls and all that, like it's they be honest with you. Yeah, in my humble opinion of being there one time, you went overrated. Okay please, Actually I'm curious because this is what

happened. We're watching and I told Casey, I was like, this is based off of Venice, Italy, and she was like, hang on, She's I'm not kidding. She said this. She said, Venice is a real place. No way, I swear. She said, Venice is real. You don't have to do Casey like that on air. Dude, is facts. I'm sorry, I love you, baby, but she's straight up and said, I don't think that Venice is a real place. And then I looked it up and I found did you know that Venice was built in

like the four hundreds? Well, I'll tell you, yeah, wailed. So people are concerned about Venice's foundation. But Venice's foundation is built out of wood, and so all of the buildings and the streets and everything underneath, all of that is like ancient wood. And what's crazy is when the wood and the salt from the salt water combined, it like fortifies and makes the wood strong. Whoa yeah, So anyway, wait a minute, floods. You're telling me, I'm telling you what the guide told me. Okay,

don't come at me. Okay, I'm just learning. I wouldn't want to learn. No, I'm open to questions. I'll concuse a question. All right, So let me tell you a Venice story. I think Green Boys is gonna be great. So all right, so we pull up the Venice, We get off the train, and we have okay, set the scene, me, my now fiance, her mother, and her father. So we're all there. We're gonna be there for like two weeks. We got

a ton of luggage. Okay, We've got to find where our hotel is and we get off the train and immediately we're getting haggled, like attacked, like let me take your luggage, let me put you in my gondola, like and blah blah blah, fifty dollars, one hundred dollars whatever, And the guy would not get out of my father in law's face. And he's like, dude, we just got off the train, give me a minute. And the guy kept pressing them. So my father in law was like,

all right, fuck you. And we're carrying all of our luggage, and what he meant was Alex is carrying all over So all these canals and stuff, there's bridges, and the bridges go up over and down, and it's not like it's not like a long, slow bridge, it's like vertical up then vertical down stairs. Okay, So I've got everybody's suitcase and it's ninety eight degrees a humid. So we get off the train and we're two miles from our place and like fourteen fifteen bridges. What time of year was

this? This summer? Okay, So yeah, I'm carrying all of these suitcases up and down, not complaining, up and down, up and down, complaining. I'm drenched in sweat. Everybody's taking their time for somehow, I'm walking fast than everybody else, and I'm like, dude, like where's this hotel? So up and down, up and down, up and down, pouring sweat. We get to the thing, We get to the hotel, we get checked in, get up to our room. No power they

do like cycling power outages. So I had no air conditioning. A lot of Europe's like that too. Yeah, so first of all, you taste in my mouth, then go downstairs, have a couple of beers in the air conditioning. We're back to normal. So other than that, I just had a couple of bad entrees. Why you say like that, dude? Like what what do you eat? Like the squid ink and polenta? It's it's like black squid ink? Right, and like a rice cake wasn't No,

it wasn't the best. And I'm not gonna hate on anybody. Okay, Now this is something I really need to know. Does it actually stink venice? Yeah? In general, notoriously is supposed to smell awful. I mean I don't he does. I'm sure it smells bad. I don't remember being like, right, did you take any of Like I'm also gross. Did you take any of like the gondola rides or anything? Uh? Yeah,

actually did take one. That's cool too. What I learned about gondola pilots, captains, whatever is You can't you can't just like show up and be like I want to be a gondola driver. You have to be born into it. Literally, it is only a certain lineage that is allowed to pilot gondolas. Huh so you were basically born your dad does it, and then you're trained how to do it from like age twelve or thirteen and then off you go. That's wild, bro. Yeah, that's kind of really

like special. Which is interesting because the Italy is famous for their glass exports, so they have like very decorative class work. I thought they were famous for The Godfather. I mean that too. Yeah, that's the Yeah, that's the second and third highest export for the glass work. And they're having a lot of trouble because no young people want to learn glass work, so it's a dying market. It's a dying breed. They can't find young people

who want to come and be apprenticed glass workers. So we sat there this whole thing, and then they tried to sell us like fifteen thousand dollars chandeliers and shit, oh we'll ship been home with shippen home. Like yeah, I mean, if I had a place to put a fifteen thousand dollars chandelier, I'd probably get it, but I don't so bro. When you get

off the plane in Mexico, no one warned us of this. Of all the people that recommended we go vacation at this specific place, no one warned us that the moment you touch down on land and you get off the plane, they pressure you into going to presentations for time shares. Oh no, yeah, and I got scammed out of fifty bucks. No, dude. It was like it was like, you know, fourteen hours of flight, you're exhausted. You get there, you're like, yeah, I'm finally in

Mexico. They have like trays of tequila and they're like softening you up, giving you like little shots of margaritas and jack, and they're so friendly and they go through like yes, jimmy, oh my god, what do you say we wrangle up these stallions and go get your fifty dollars back below the border. It's a lot of money. I think that sounds mighty fine as long as I could ride behind and stare at your hair in the wind. You drive a hard bargain, Jackie. The curls make it all worth it.

Sorry to cut you off. Do you use that shampoo? That that shampoo because it's just been invented. Yeah, right, it's just been invented. I don't use any of that new family stuff. What do you wash your hair with? Then? Grease? Horse? Grease a horse, grease and manure. I was outside tending my carrots the other day and I sitting on a dinosaur bone. Because we're in the West, right. Of course, dinosaurs ain't real. Could you imagine someone like dinosaurs weren't real? I

ain't no dinosaurs in the Bible. They ain't nothing. I wonder if cowboys had the Bible. I'm sure they did. They had the Cowboy. Yeah, they they definitely had the Bible. I'm sure they had the Bible. I never have thought about that, like the cowboys have the Bible. You know, I cannot keep this thing on the Bible. I think they definitely had the Bible. That's actually a revolutionary thought process. I've never considered it. You don't see it in the games. You don't see it in the

movies. You definitely see it in the movies. I don't really watch. I've seen a lot of them. I've seen a lot of them. Shout out to my grandpa ever since I was little. He'll be like, come over, we're watching Western movies, and like, I've done it as recently as maybe well before. It would have been before COVID, because you know, he he has an he has an autoimmune disorder, and so he can't he can't be around people too much. Especially when that was going on,

he was like, everybody stay away from me, you know. Uh. But I mean right before then, I had I went over there and we watched three Tender Yuma. I've heard of it, never seen it. It's fantastic. I mean it's awesome. There was a really old one, and then we watched the newer one too. We've always yeah, he's always been my Western buddy. Yeah, Nick, you asked me how we are doing. I want to know how you're doing. I'm doing all right, I'm doing well. I kind of I wanted to hear from y'all first, but

that's okay. I'll tell you. I'll go first. I'll tell you tell me. I'm not feeling good. You're no okay? Why I'm a bit under the weather, but I just got back from Maryland. You're feeling sick. I'm feeling a little sick. But it's okay. I'm here, and uh, I don't like Maryland too much. Wow, it's just cold man. Oh was it brick? Yeah? I didn't go outside much. It's probably why I was still not feeling good. Oh dude, that sucks, but it's okay. I got some cool things done. I went to school

and stuff. But if you live in Maryland and you like it, that's cool. Yeah, Alex just went to boating school, dude. Yeah, missus puff man, you's looking good. You got miss Puff's number. Let's just say I puffed it. If only you know, people would literally kill people would sell their soul for a chance to rise up. Missus Puff, that's really honestly true. And well I did it. You did it. You did it. I need picks, I need proof you did her up. Damn. I mean, if anybody could do it right, you would

be the one for sure. If anybody could do this to you, What about your like emotional spiritual state, how has that been lately? I don't know, really, I mean I've been doing good, like feeling good. Haven't really been paying a lot of attention to that, just kind of been duck down, just just going hard, Yeah, grinding through life, not in like a bad way, just like things gotta get done, you know, really just wishing I was a cowboy and you know, but you decided

to read this book that our only goddess. I am too. I'm actually really pumped to read this and this is gonna be the next thing I read. I'm I'm currently rereading Rick Rubin's book The The Creative Act, A Way of Life, and it's a quick read. So when I'm done with that, I'm gonna read this. It's be lit about you, Ryan. I've been pretty good. I mean, it's just like you know, same old, same old. And there's been stuff that it's always getting more and more

intense. There's there's stuff behind the scenes that we've been working on the family. Stuff that's a little too soon to talk about. But that stuff is

really well otherwise generally, I mean, can't really complain. Just been trying to focus on like my health and like my wellness and things like that, and just trying to keep like a positive attitude and sometimes it's easier than other times, just like with stressful stuff going on and a lot of really cool stuff's happening, you know, Like Dad just went on this huge podcast Jones. Yeah, and it's it's already got like I mean, I can see

what it's got, but it's it's it's a lot. I mean, it's Yeah, we look last night and it was like six hundred thousand or something, which is which is huge. I mean, I think that's got to be the biggest podcast numbers as far as him being on somebody else's podcast. It's a six hundred and fifteen thousand. And then Danny personally told me that the podcast app was at when I saw him over a week. It was almost two weeks ago. I saw him week and a half. It was

at seventy or eighty. So we're looking at close to close to seven hundred thousand views. Yeah, that's that one episode Dad did, and like we've

seen a big difference from it, you know, And that's exciting. It's always exciting when that kind of stuff happens, When when we get these big surges and these big spikes and we get to get the story out there and let's just say that like, we're working behind the scenes really hard to get it out there even more so. And for anybody out there who's curious about something we may be working on, just go to Amazon dot com and take a look at the cover of Dad's book and you might see there's a change

to the cover. So that's facts. Yep, that's an interesting change to the cover. How about you. I've been feeling all right. I don't know. I just the reason I asked is because the past I feel like the past few weeks, like all of my friends are stressed. Yeah, like you know what I mean. Like I think it's just that holiday counch time. It might be. I mean, it's gonna sound funny, but mercury is in retrograde. Yeah, that doesn't sound funny, though it is.

I mean it is. And and particularly lately, people have been like super stressed out. I have. I definitely have. I don't know. I feel like the past like month or two for me, has just been stressful. It's it's dealing with like the day to day stuff. Yeah, you know what I mean, just like trying to Like we come to Wilmington and it's always like the vibe is on ten. We have so much fun. We're around our people where you know, we get to do this show,

which is like so amazing. I feel like this show really like does like revitalize my spirit just doing it, you know, yeah, for whatever reason it is, I just I love it and it's amazing. And then getting back home and you know, just getting back to the mundane day to day stuff. It's it's just tough, like just trying to like survive. I feel like I don't know, I'm I'm currently and I'm very I'm very thankful to to Blake. He's actually helping me try to find a new job

right now. It's a it's a lot of that kind of stuff, like I feel like I don't know, I feel like a lot of my previous jobs, I'll get them, and then after like a year and a half two years, I'm like, a, I don't want to do this anymore.

I'm done with it, and I'll just hop to another thing. And it's like the money is never grey, and that's just like perpetuates the stress because when you like can't meet your bare minimums, it's like, you know, I could be I could be ten out of ten mood and super happy and then whatever, and then I get a notification that my bank is overdrafted, and I'm like, my entire world comes crumbling down. Yeah, you

know what I'm saying. It's it's like little things like that, and I think I'm just finally realizing that I have to, like, in order for my inner self to be able to be uninterruptedly like positive and charged and flow naturally, my physical body has to step up and take care of like meeting my minimums and meeting my needs. And like, you know, I don't know, I feel like a lot of times my head is up in the clouds. I'm not thinking about the world like around me. I'm thinking about

I'm thinking about that. That's a good point, crazy, spiritual, cosmic,

you know stuff. I want to add to that because I've struggled really bad, just generally for the last year two years we've been on the podcast, and we've known collectively that this is what we want to do, like you know, forever, and the stress there that we have have you know, internalized, is like, how can we get this off the ground to be a successful stream of financial abundance so that we can do this and live in our dream and and you know, It's like we do this because we

want to help people. We want to entertain people in rich people's lives, but really teach them, you know, really really cool stuff and really out there spiritual stuff that they're not finding anywhere else. Let's just be honest, you know, with with what we've been through and all that. But my point is like I've struggled really bad with like how do we do that the right way, the pure way, the humble way, you know. And for a while, I mean I felt like, man, we don't deserve

money. Yeah, but I've come to realize, like I think every human being on the planet deserves money, and I think like from the perspective of higher forces, like you know, we're so conditioned to to live in a state of scarcity or in a state of lack. But I feel like I feel like you can't truly be happy or thriving or joyful until those basic needs

are fulfilled, you know what I mean. And like this, yeah, I get exactly what you're saying, Like the stress of giving our all to this but then having to suffer to do the mundane stuff to actually pay the material bills exactly, well, why couldn't we do this and it provides some source of you know, sustenance for us, and we have more to give, and and then and then it's like in the meantime, because we've been doing this almost three years now, Yeah, in the meantime, the whole

that whole three years, my mentality has basically just been like I don't care about money, money stupid, I don't need it. It's like everything I'm reading is all about like anti materialistic, like let everything go and all this stuff. So in my mind, I'm like, who needs money, That's lame. Whatever. I'm just gonna go keep doing the podcast, keep doing the podcast, and I know that eventually, like that's gonna be the thing

that takes care of me, which I still know that it will. But now that we're three years in and I'm like still stressed out of my mind, I'm having this internal battle now of like I need money. It's the system we're in, it's the world we're born into. It is yeah, you have to it. Just Yeah, It's been this internal battle thing where I'm like, should I be like chasing more money? Should I should I go and chase more money or should I just be happy with what I have?

And like, you know, just make it through until the universe brings something to me, you know, or whatever. But specifically, over this past week or two, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I think, yeah, I think this is like a kind of like a test where my physical body needs to intervene in order to help nurture because, like I said, every time one little slip up happens, which happens a lot when you don't have a lot of money, anytime one little slip up happens,

it's like my whole spiritual world everything crumbles down. Yeah, And I'll even say, you know, over three years of this happening, it's a lot of build up. It's like every time it happens, it feels a little worse, and it feels a little worse up to the point to where these past like maybe three to six months, like I've just had a really hard time, like believing in myself. I've even had a hard time like

believing in any sort of higher power. And I have this like I've had to fight like every day battling like dark internal thoughts and dark internal dialogue. Because when you're in these like dark states, your psyche can want to just like attack everything around you, Yeah, to make you feel better, you know what I mean. And I hate being in that state because it's completely

unproductive. It's all lies, that's just your internal like whatever you want to call it, your dark side, whatever you want to call it, it's it's just bullshit. It's trying to distract you, it's trying to misguide your anger and your feelings. And so after all this time, it's like I've

been really struggling with that. And then another thing is like the you know, growing up like religiously traumatized, which I feel like I was and kind of still I'm realizing when you're in that really really low place and you like need somebody or something to turn to, and the only thing that you have known your whole life is you know, one specific iteration or image of quote unquote God, and like that version is not necessarily something that like feels good

to you. I mean, we we've talked about it many times on the show. It's like some weird, some weird stuff going on with that. It makes it difficult to believe in, not believe in, but to connect with. Yes, I know, I know exactly what you're describing. Yeah, And like you know, that's also been hard not not having that to connect with. I get that way too. I think it's natural. It's like when you're when you're suffering really hard, it's it's kind of hard to

you know, see the positivity or the hope too. But like, the only thing I can say is, like, you know this logically, just like you were telling me last night about the drum thing. You know, we were talking about recording, and I've hit a hurdle or whatever, and it's the same thing. It's a test from the universe. It's like, is it going to be one of those things where you are beaten by it or you you know, you rise up and overcome. But I think it's

deeper than that too. I don't think the burden is necessarily on you to like to I don't know, Like I guess the way I could say it is it's also about surrendering, like just just completely letting go and realizing, like, really, everything that's happening to me is divinely written to happen to me, for me to suffer in this moment, because on the other side is going to be something greater, you know what I mean? For sure?

Yeah, And that's it's I just started reading that book again a few days ago, and that's like one of the first things that it talks about, the Rick rubn m oh, it's one of the first things that talks about that, Like you just have to constantly remind yourself that like everything happens for an exact reason. Yeah, you're exactly where you're supposed to be, even the bad stuff, even the bad stuff, because it's a lesson.

It's some sort of lesson. And do you think it feels good to the earth when tectonic plates are shifting crumbling into each other, and you know, you have quakes under that. I mean sometimes in nature things are just uncomfortable. Yeah, what I mean. And that's that's the same with life. And then it creates beautiful mountains. True. Yeah, that's a that's a really cool analogy, erosion. Bro, you have mountains that are being shaped

by beautiful thousands of years. It's just it's like it's there's an order to things that we don't understand. And that's the thing that was hard for me that I wanted to share. The thing that was hard for me was to accept like sometimes it just has it has to be bad sometimes it's just the way that it is. What's the nature of the universe. There, there cannot exist good without bad, there can't. It would just everything would just

be gray. That's that's the whole point of this whole you know, this whole thing that we're doing. It's like there, if you don't have bad, you can't have good. And I will say, like specifically, this past week, I have really been putting in like the work to try to break a lot of these negative thought patterns, and I've been moving in a

more positive direction. And also like I'm trying to you know, I'm trying to remember that just because the bearded guy from the Bible, like the bearded God from the Bible, did a real number on me, that doesn't that that's not the real See, it wasn't the bearded guy. It was the suited guy. No, of course, that's what I mean. It's it's

the people. The people made that evil Constantine, that guy on that coin that Alex had, that motherfucker, that motherfucker started a lot of it and he changed the ship and and you know, and so the picture that they created of that bearded guy is not that's not like the actual God that I believe in. It's dude, I saw this. Pete Holmes, he was talking about God the other day and he said, like, God is the blanket that we put over the mystery of the universe to give it shape.

Hmm. Yeah that wait till we do the Kabale episode and you'll hear how like even they were talking about God. Yeah, I can't, I can't. I can't. Like that's a very that's God is ineffable. God. God is the mystery, right, you know what I mean, Like it's it's it's this perfect, pure thing that we just can't grasp. And that's what I mean when I say surrender, Like we just have to surrender and let go and say, Okay, whatever force is, that's that's really up

there. It is good. It knows what I need. I probably had a part in picking this when I was a part of that force, you know, in the realm between lives, you know, your higher self or whatever, if you believe that, and whatever is happening to me is my destiny that I created with that force, and I just have to weather the storm. It's like you're selling across the seat. You just you know your

weather in the waves, like it's the journey. Yeah. You know, another thing that I've been wondering about is, you know, as I've come to think of God as more the collective energy of all things, removing, I stop using the word God because I thought like that word describes a singular like entity. I used to think that too, you know what I'm saying.

So I stopped even using the word God entirely and just kind of thought about it as the collective consciousness or the collective universe, like all of us, every living thing is God, you know, that kind of thing. But I wasn't using that God language, and I wonder if the disconnect was exacerbated by not using that term. It's because it's like when you give it something a name, you give it power. Not having a name to something

you it's harder to connect with it exactly. So I wonder if you know, so, since then, I've been like reintroducing that word and trying to separate the trauma that I have from that word. You know, you'll notice even Hindus say the word God lots of cultures around the world. Yeah, they say the word God to me. To me, God is the ineffable highest force that's above all above the Bible, above Krishna, above Buddha,

above Jesus. It's a force that no human has ever physically been face to face with because it's impossible, right, yes, and it created us. It's way far beyond our understanding. And for the last you know, several millennia, we've just been trying really hard to figure it out. You take it out, Yeah, and we never will until we die and we pass on through the veil, we'll ever truly know. But what we do know is that it is good. We come from it. It created us,

and life is this great allegory or mystery. Dude, Like, let me, let me just give you one quote from from the Kabala Apisod, which we're gonna do next, you know, but check this out. Here's here's part of the doctrine of Kabbala. Keep in mind Kabala. I'm not gonna get too deep into it because we're going to do an entire episode, but Cabala is crazy. I used to think, like, you know, when you first hear about esotericism, you know, coming from a Christian perspective,

you think it's all evil rights. It's like step one, it's step one. We talk about that all the time, and I was there was no exception, Like I thought Kabbala was an evil thinking back then, the more I read it, I'm like, wow, this is some of the most profound stuff I've ever read. And like, part of the essential doctrine of Kabala is the entire purpose of creation the manifested world is to just make an abode for the Divine in the material world. Like the whole point of life

is to become an abode or a vessel for the Divine. That's the collective conscious, that's all of us little sparks of God. But yeah, yeah, it's it's like it's like becoming the illumined spark. Yeah, Like I believe that. I believe that, like we are, we are God giving it self bodies to experience everything. Right, I believe that, like I really do. That's crazy. So I mean, okay, we got to save it for the Yeah, we have to. But yeah, that's that's

that's my point too. It's like I totally understand man, Like I feel that way a lot too. I just don't talk about it. Yeah. Yeah, And and I don't talk about it a ton either, because I mean, it takes a long time for me to like reckon with my internal dialogue anyway and be able to identify it enough to be able to vocalize it. And so it's like, you know, I might have been feeling this way a really long time and I'm just now coming face to face with it.

But I will say things are looking up. I'm feeling better and I'm feeling hopeful. You know, when I get in those places, the best, the the the counter to it is gratitude. It is gratitude. Yeah, that Like anytime I get in that place, I just remember everything that I'm grateful for, what a lucky life I'm living, How happy I am to have the people around me, the things around me. How you know, how grateful I am for this show and the people that it helps and

the community it brings together. You know, so that that has helped tremendously. And I'm I'm I already feel I'm on a better path, and I'm you know, I think good, really good things are coming. I do too, like for all of us, for all of us, absolutely, for all of us. Yeah, I feel a lot of pressure, Like in my mind, I just if we're just speaking candid here, I mean, you know, whatever I always feel a lot of pressure in my mind to give the most and the best that I can to this one hundred percent,

to you know, ensure that this is successful. Because something I just talked about recently Full Disclosure. Obviously you weren't there for that, but like one of the biggest stresses in my mind is like, you know, you and Alex have basically devoted your lives to helping me tell my story all the stuff you're telling me about last night, that you're so grateful you got to

play a part in helping me heal all all this stuff. I talked about that recently on Full Disclosure, and I was like, you know, it's just pressure because I feel like there's a lot riding on my shoulders because of you know, the image of the bloods of family, what we're going through, having this pressure to say a certain thing to not you know, like throw a wrench in our image or whatever, and like tread this fine, careful line of you know, not only being okay with my family, but

also being okay with the public and this getting successful so that we can all live a life from this where I in. This is something I've never really told Nick Alex, but in my heart that I feel you guys are fairly rewarded or compensated or whatever for the simple notion of devoting your lives to helping me tell my story. You see what I'm saying. I've never said that before, haven't. I mean? Yeah, but that that's a stress that I constantly have felt. Well, let let me let me offer you a

counter to that. I I can't speak for Alex, but I know it's this. I know it's the same for him. And I told you this last night I started. I chose to be involved in this project for one reason and one reason alone, and that was you're my best friend. Your family, they're all my best friends, like you're you know, we're like family. And there was healing that needed to be happy, that that needed to happen, and that could only happen by being open and candid and telling

your story to as many people as possible to get it out there. Stop bottling it up, just get it out there. You know, it's always been like, is there going to be a book, is there going to be a movie, is there going to be a show? Who knows?

Whatever? We were like, finally, let's just take it into our own hands do a podcast and it's been three years, dude, and look at us now, yeah, look at your It actually has been three We started December three years ago to look at you and your family now and in what a better place you guys are in now? And I think the podcast had a ton to do with that. Yeah, and so it did. So you should pop the bubble of stress in your mind because dude, we're we

already did it. Yeah, we already accomplished the mission. That doesn't mean we're done that that like we now as a new mission. Yes, and it's take all of our energy into you know, as opposed to you know, being about me healing or whatever whatever. It's about enriching the lives of everyone listening. Yes, yes, you know exactly exactly. But the initial mission was to do that, you know. I'm we wanted to bring healing for you and your family and we did it. Yeah, we did it.

That was our mission. I know Alex is that he signed on for the same reason we did it, dude, and we are still doing it and we're going to keep doing it. So like everything else that comes, it's just icing on the cake. That's not that shouldn't be a point of stress that should not be a point of stress like you worrying about if we're going to be taken care of from We devoted all of our time and energy to this, not for money. We did it for you. I know

that. I know that. I'm just saying me. I'm like, you know, I just have this this mind that's like want to make sure everybody's taken care of. We're taking you know, like like like for life. That's all I'm saying, Like, like we we get into a position to where we we that this you know, this is all do this. This is yeah, like we can do this together. I mean, we're gonna get there. Life feels like it's being lived when we're doing this absolutely,

you know what I mean, that's a great way to put it. It's we're gonna get there in no time to We'll be there before we know it. And I want to say, you know, for the listener, this is just a cannon conversation. This isn't anything that we plan to talk about. We've actually never had that specific conversation ever. That's the first time I've ever brought that that specific thought up. And I want to say, like

for anybody out there, listening. I'm not here on a soapbox trying to get you know, like spend money or you know, to to to to force you to feel like you got to contribute. I mean, honestly, what we need is we need listenership. Yeah, that's more support. We need listener that that's really what we need. We create merchandise, We create Patreon because the idea is, well, if we're going to take any money from anybody, we at least want to put like passion into it, and

it'd be something that we feel has a very sturdy value. And it's like we wear our own merch we love it. No donations. We want to create value exactly. Yeah, we want we want to create value. I mean what we need is listenership. Really, the big pie in the sky that would help us take off is just it's just more listeners that that's it. I mean, you know, we're we're eternally grateful for anybody who has given some sort of financial amount, but I'm not, I'm not. That's

all bonus. We really don't need you to do that. If you feel you know, if you feel moved to control, tribute or in whatever way, thank you, that's amazing. But it's just listeners. We just we need more listeners. And uh but I mean, yeah, it's it's it's growing. It's it's growing as much as it ever has, and it's yeah, honestly, we're going to be there. We're going to be there in no time, and we're just going to keep helping as many people as we

possibly can for as long as we can do it. Yeah. I have no clue the dms we get, like the people that listen to this show and just like how moved they are, and you know, like sending us books and in crystals. I mean, this isn't often. I don't think many people know we have a po box, right, which we do. You can find on our website. But you just have no clue and like, what the energy behind this thing? And I think sometimes we lose sight

of that. Oh yeah, I think because we get in here and it's it's so routine and then we get back to our day to day lives and the stress and all the sorry about bills from our other jobs. Dude, when I get a DM or a comment or something from somebody telling me how much the show has helped them, like that's just injecting me with just life force. That's like reviving me like nothing else matters in the world. In that moment, I'm like, oh my god, Like my dumb ass sitting

on a couch yapping into a microphone helped somebody. Right, It's unreal. It's it's more they don't call yourself a dumb ass, but way what a dumbass? You know? With that being said, though, with all that being said, I do think that I owe it to the group to mention this that we do have a pretty sick shirt about it. Come out pretty sick shirt. But I think I think it's reasonable to say this. This is a very soft announcement. This is not official. It's very soft.

It's something we're working on. But we've had a lot of things that we've been working on in the last few months. We do have some adjustments coming to our Patreon in the new year TBD, So the Green Boys have been working. Yes. Also, I just looked this is the last episode of twenty twenty three, oh for real, And we wore the cram. We wore their Christmas out. Yeah, Jenny wanted us to wear the twenty seven. This was not planned last night. The night was planned at all.

I just walked into the closet. No, bro. Jenny literally like yesterday the day before told me before y'all all got here. I think it was yesterday early in the day. She was like, oh my god, you guys need to think about what episode's going to come out around Christmas before the New Year. You need to wear the hats. And I was like, nah, it just happened. Wow, that's amazing. So happy New Year, Oh, Merry Christmas, Happy holidays. Yeah, this is literally two

days after Christmas. We love y'all very much and we'll see you in twenty twenty four. We check us out on blosoesid so dot com. We do have the Patreon, you know again, it's like I know, I said what we need as listeners, but at the end of the day, like if if, if you're the kind of person who wants to support content creators, I do think we have pretty good Patreon. We have super super high

value. It's literally one tier five dollars and you get so much you get to show you to discord, like I said, d yeah, for now, for now, we have some adjustments coming. We did. I don't think we've recorded since doing all the news we did just drop a whole new line of merch. Yeah, really really cool stuff and the new shirt coming and otherwise I think that's it for the year. Yep, you know what it is. Three two one, Bye go cowboy. Role play your next

year. Okay, weird things happened in the backyard of les House. Sit so weird, coming closer to like smirreing on inside. No one knows that. Wow, let's come for I've ever talked Sid not yet getting happy