120: Reclaiming Your Light w/ Mollie Adler

Weird things happen, weird, weird. Welcome to a special episode of Bled. Sus said, so, yes, we're gonna go ahead and start, but we can keep that conversation going if you guys want. Tonight we have Molly with us. I can can I pull with your podcast? Molly? Yeah, so we have the fabulous host of Back from the Borderline and Night Night Bitch had Night Night Night Bitch, and that's the parent stuff Molly is. I'm just gonna go ahead and like breeze past the intro of how we

met, and then we're gonna get more into it later. Molly reached out to me on an instant. Graham sent me this incredibly profoundly kind message about like her recent research into public shaming and things like that. It's all the documentary and I don't know, I just felt something from the message and I was like, let's let's hop on the phone this week. One thing led to another and it was like, what two weeks later, you're at our house. Yeah, I moved fast. Yeah, no, it was it

was definitely. It was quick and here we are so we can get into that later. But Molly, so, like, how you feeling feeling good? I'm really excited. It's fun to be in an atmosphere where I'm with more than one person. Usually it's just like me on the mic, or I'm interviewing like a very serious academic. So it's like fun to just be with people that share my similar niche interests and just be able to, you

know, chat. So I'm very excited and also so kind of like shooketh at the trajectory of this because I was listening to you on Duncan Trussel, then I messaged you right then I was at your house and now I'm on your podcast, and it's just crazy how life connects you with people, you know. So I'm just kind of chripping out about that as well. So it's cool. It's great to see that law of attraction, I know, right crazy. I think we understand that just as much as anyone too,

because like we're doing the same exact thing. Yep. Yeah, it's it's crazy you guys creating out to people that that you feel called to reach out to right on the pod. Yeah good, And you know, most people are taking the approach with podcasts. It's like you see podcasts and they're just interviewing whoever the hot celebrity is at the moment or the and it's just they're

doing their rounds, you know. And I just love when I see podcasts where the hosts are just going down their niche path of interest and interviewing the guests that they find interesting because you can tell, you know, like you can really tell when people are excited about what they're talking about. Yeah, for sure, Yeah, totally. It's not we're like we've we've been talking about possibly having like literally just fans of the show who maybe have had experiences

or something like on the show. Like you know, it's it's it's not about trying to get like let's get a guest in here to get some eyeballs or like, you know whatever. It's just like those are cool when we get them, But that's not the goal exactly, And that's it happens when it happens. But yeah, if you're if that's what you're after, people can sniff that out, you know. Yeah, there's so much more value in a genuine conversation where everyone's interested in the same thing and you're all on

the same page. That's what I'm after. That that's those conversations are like what I live for you. Well, yep. So when I met you, when I saw your message and I had first you know, we hopped on the phone for a while. I don't know how long we talked, an hour or two at least it was like almost two hours. And also I'm so surprised that you're like, let's hop on a call. I was like, whoa, okay, so great. Yeah, that's my rule when people reach out to me or if I'm like trying to get somebody on the

show. Except for one guest, which actually is the one that came out today, Jeff Harmon, Dad dad vouched for him, so I was like, it's okay, I trust it's gonna be all right. But like every guest we ever have on the show, I at least hop on one phone call. Anybody reaches out to me anymore and they're like, let's let's do it. I'm like, let's hop on a phone call because I've been burned so much or you know, been I've got on shows. And then the

vibe was weird and maybe they were skeptical or something. So I always feel like I'm doing the groundwork first and scouting. But with that being said, when I hopped on the phone with you. It was like an overwhelming sensation of like this person's cool as hell, and you know it speaks for itself.

I mean, you are cool as hell. And like Dad has like, gosh, I don't know right now, he has like two or three thousand unopened messages that he has to It's a backlog of like people he has to get through thousands of Come on my podcast, Come on my podcast. And I talked to you, I was like, no, no, no, no, let me call my dad. So I called Dad. I'm like, Dad, you got to meet my friend Molly. She's my age. I'm telling him that to get in his head. I'm building this picture

of you. She's my age. She's smart as hell, she's really into stuff. I think we need to get her out skywatching. And you know, it just it just it just it just happened. Yeah. I just knew I had to pull the trigger on it. I was just like, okay, because I don't I'm not really the queen of impulsive trips. I

normally like am very planning about it. But I just thought, you know, like I just got to do this, you know, like it was a once in a lifetime thing, and it was Zaza's birthday, so I was for your listeners, as is my husband, and so I was like, this is like, what better gift can I give him than to, you know, go experience something like that. So and he it was just an amazing that's so cool. Yeah, it was profound, a lot of hugging, a lot of crying, a lot of miles and laughs. I

mean it was. It was a cathartic so crying. I cried. Honestly. I love to see that because it means a lot to me because it's you know, you're coming out here, you're being vulnerable, You're having this experience and like you're you're showing who you really are, and it it's good for us. But before we jump into that, I'd like to jump more into the groundwork of you and why you were so interested in this. If are you comfortable talking about like, oh, you're the do you know the

experience of like the mystical experience kind of situation that I had. Yeah, of course, I feel like I couldn't even come on here and not talk about that because and it'll be interesting. I kind of teed this up with my listeners. I released a special preview episode on my feed this week where I talked about the experience at your house and It'll be is different for my listeners because they've never heard me talk about any of this stuff before. And

I've spent almost three years on this podcast. They know me. They know that I'm not just going to come at them with some you know, bullshit that I don't actually believe. So for them to hear that this is something I went through after like like they can hear it on TV, but hearing it from me, I've been in your ear for three years, right, It's just there's a different level of trust that you built with a podcaster,

you know, Like great point. I've rejected sponsorships many times. My listeners know that I'm not like bought and paid for, Like I only say things that I actually believe in. And but that's a bit of a digression. But about I'd say four and a half years ago, Now I don't quote me on the timeframe, but I was on five or six different psychiatric medications. I was not in the best place, just living out of alignment, you know what I mean, Like I just was seeking validation outside myself.

I was living in LA and LA will chew you up and spit you the fuck out, that's for sure. Also, is it okay for me to curse on Yeah? Okay, oh yeah, okay, just making sure. And then because yeah, as I said before we started recording, I have no filter filters need. I was in LA, and I talk very openly about this on the podcast, like I went to school, but then I found myself, you know, really confused. I was working in tech and then I was pursuing, uh, my career in the music industry. And

it's the same same old story. My manager tried to make a move on me sexually and I turned it down. And I'm a writer. So I was working on a project where I was putting in so much time in the studio and I was so proud of this work that I'd done. I wrote everything myself, like everything, and I was working with this it was just a met and a producer and we made the whole thing I recorded. I

wrote everything myself, and I turned my manager down. And after after I did that, like you know, when I said no, it was like one night at Soho house like so La and uh, and you know what I mean. And I was just like the moment that he was giving me those vibes, and I knew it was like a video game, you know where it's like what Pat like Assassin's creed, Like, are you going to say that? I was? You're playing Mirage, right, Yeah, it's good, right, it's it's okay. I like, I think I liked

ab Or better. I miss avor A or from Valhalla. Excuse me, I haven't didn't play Valhalla. The last one I played was Odyssey, and I was like obligated to play that one because of my blood. Yeah, I mean I remember, you're to me. She knows. I say it every episode. There's no way that anybody in proximity of this show. I make sure everyone knows. Okay, Odyssey is great, but listen, you have to play Valhalla. That's on my list. Spider Man two comes out

two days, so Valhalla is going to be after that. But it's so good. Mirage is fine. Like I like, I think I'm watching Zaz play it more. I was taking the lead more with avor but Zaz is playing Mirage. It's very Assassin based. Like yeah, it's like it's exactly like the old games, going in a like with Valhalla, like you're going in I feel so bad for your listeners. Okay, great, but yeah, I'm just like, it's hard to get used to Sneaky Assassin when you

were like falls to the Wall, bikeing. It's just a big pivot, you know. I don't want to play that one though, because didn't didn't they introduce like, isn't there like Norse mythology stuff in it? Yeah, that's why you guys have to watch it because it's so there's so many esoteric themes. And I was like schooling zazz as we were like, I was like, do you know what that means? Do you know? No, it's on my list because since Mirage came, and then we'll get back to

thee because I really want to hear what happened next. But I just thought a whim bought Mirage last week. I was like, you know what, it's my three year wedding anniversary today myself, So yeah, myself, and so I bought it and I've been playing it in my head. I've been like, dang, I've played Assassin's Creed really in like ten years, Like it might be time to get back into you. You must on my list,

But is so good. There's a quick little anecdote. Yeah, there was a time where Ryan and I, uh we were so how do I say this, We were so uh indoctrinated into the the cool Christians club that like we were like, no Assassin's Creed for a while. It's especially oh yeah, you're probably like killing Christians in Valhalla. You know, it's funny because yeah, a lot of them, he said, it's funny because yeah, I'm not saying by the way, I'm not You'll you'll hear that,

I'm actually very into esoteric. Okay, So for the sake of like the serious stuff. So so what happened next? So, so the reason why we brought up Assassin's Creed is because I really did feel that moment of like, whatever decision I make right now is going to be very pivotable, pivotable, pivotable for my for my career and for my life, you know, because look, my manager was a really hot guy, and uh, like

it's not like he was some old creep. I've you know, as every girl and you men know sometimes you know, you do what you gotta do.

It would have maybe paid off, but I just couldn't do it, you know, Like I was just like, no, this is not, because once I do this once, then it's just going to be then I'm just and he managed a couple of other female artists, and then in that moment, I went, oh, so this is what you do, right, like, yeah, this is what you do, and you had a wife and kids, and so I was just like, no, I'm not

doing this. And so what I did, which is a lot of if you have girls in the audience, they're going to know this vibe, which is literally like going ha huh no, you know, like no and I and the thing is all you want to do is say fuck you. You know what I mean, like no, But I knew that I couldn't and

I won't. I can't name who this person is because when I say, this person is involved with some of the biggest and scariest music players in the game, like I already was told by someone like well, so long story short, I did the hun no no things and I got out of there. The next morning, I sent an email to my lawyer and I just said, very cordially, I just said, so, what are my options, you know, with like my management contract with Blank, I think that

you know, I don't feel comfortable anymore. I got nothing back from him. The next day, I get an email, very formal from my lawyer saying he was dropping me, and my manager was dropping me. They both just dropped me. I had a major label deal that was waiting, and then I got contacted my producer and he said, you're never seeing any of these masters again. They're gone. So I lost my lawyer, my manager,

and all of my masters. And I was in LA. I had moved to LA to do this, and I was all of a sudden without anything. There was a woman I'll call her M because her name started with M, and she was really close with him. She had become like a very motherly figure to me, and so I call her hysterical of course, and I'm just like telling her what happened, and she's just like, oh, you know, you shouldn't have done that. You know, like you

you really shouldn't have done that. She had sympathy for me, but she goes, basically, the vibe was this is just the way it is. And she said, and she said, if I have one piece of advice for you, she goes, don't push this because they can make you disappear. Don't push it. Oh, like I'm talking about that dark like, like she said, they will make you disappear, like you're not fucking around

with just anyone. And I can't tell you the musical artist that has been in the game since the late eighties early nineties that is basically a tycoon that he is involved with, but let's just say that he probably would make me disappear. And so I just let it go and my mental health spiraled. My grandfather committed suicide later that year. Then my grandma died three months later.

I was all by myself in LA and I was on antipsychotics and just popping xanax, and I got into the secon working industry for a while, like I became a sugar baby. I was working underground poker rooms in LA for money because I couldn't afford anything, and I had worked so hard to shove myself into the hot girl box at that point that I was like, Okay, I can do this, and it just working in the sex industry just shows you the darkest, seediest men, quite frankly, you know.

And it also made me hate men, and that's really sad because there are so many good men out there. And I realized that I was kind of attracting the level of consciousness I was at at the same time. So it's like, I really understand when you're playing around in that space, that's what you're going to see, you know. And so I got out of that and I just I decided to go back to school because I was like,

I need to stop doing this work. And so I went back to school to basically get student loans so that I didn't have to do sex work anymore.

And so I said, I'm just gonna, you know, get my masters in psychology and do like a therapy program because I do love I did love psychology, but the irony of me the most fucked up mental health person like and then I saw all the other people in my my therapist program and I was like, I literally had people in my online program saying, you know, basically maybe really Christian people that were saying like can I make a choice to not counsel gay people? And I was like, who is this

the industry I'm going into? So I just started seeing dark stuff in this program that I was in, and I was like, these are the people that are going to go out and help people with their mental health. The irony of these saying that by the way, Well, but then I just I continue doing that, and then I just realized like I couldn't do it, so I dropped out have the student loans eighteen grand of student loans to prove it for with an unfinished degree, I decided to basically go sellibate.

Like I was like, I'm just going to not date. I'm not gonna be with anyone right now, and I'm just gonna like figure my shit out. And of course that's when I meet bless him. On our very first date. We sat down and I was just like, so, I'm bipolar and I'm celibate. Basically, I'm not by polar like I thought I was at the time. I have a completely different a fifteen minute psych appointment. Basically a guy told me that maybe I was bipolar because you don't want to

line, right. He's like, you don't want to be borderline because that's incurable. Just the beginning the tip of the iceberg of the bullshit you hear. So Zaz was like any other guy in LA would probably like, what the fuck, I got a live one. Let me just see if I can banger and get out of here, right. But Zaz was just like okay, that's okay, Like that's the first He was like, honestly, that's very refreshingly honest, like why why are you you know, why are

you celibate? And like da da da right right, And I was like, oh, okay, like and so we just started talking and we just basically never spent a day apart after that day, you know, like, I just he's such an amazing person. I tried to blow up our relationship very early on because I thought that he was too nice, Like are you fucking kidding me? You know, like, and so I sat down with him at the bar, like on our third date because a good girlfriend of

mine I told her. I was like, I don't know, this guy's just maybe he's just too nice and I don't know about his taste and memes. That's still a joke about this. He sent me a questionable meme one time and I was like, oh, oh my god, and now we laughed about yeah, and really, looking back, it wasn't like Zas is hilarious, he has an amazing It was me trying anything exactly. Yeah, And my friend Sterling at the time shout out Sterling. She was just like,

go meet this guy. Face to face and tell him like, don't don't be a bitch about it and just ghost him. So I went and I sat with him and I just said, you know, I don't know if this is working now. It was like it was so hard because I had no good reason and I was just like, I just don't know. And he goes, Okay, well, can I still be your friend? Because like, you're the coolest person I've met in LA and if we don't want to date, like I still want to hang out with you, And

I'm like, who is this person? And so then I was just like, what, You're amazing And so immediately in that moment, I'm like, Molly, are you really going to push away? Like the a really good

thing that's come across your path? And so, long story short, this gets to my mystical experience, like Zaz really helped me realize, like when we first started living together, which was really soon because it was one of those things in LA we're both paying on godly amounts for rent and we're just gonna have to you kind of have to, and so and we were staying together at my place the whole time, so I'm just like, what's the point so we moved in together and he saw in like my you know,

orange pill bottle hell that I was living with, and he said to me, he's like, not in a shamy way, he was just like, you're I think how old was I at the time, Like twenty seven twenty

eight? He's like twenty seven years old, and like, you have like six different prescriptions, like moly, you're not crazy, Like you don't you don't need all this like and I already was having second thoughts because I was having so many side effects from all these medications, and every time I went, I was either told to up the dose of something or change to something else, and I was just like, what's And so I made a really dumb decision. I lost my health insurance, and so I found out how

much my prescriptions would be without and I couldn't afford it. So I had no choice. I went cold turkey off of six different psyche beds, which will make you feel like you're dying, and I did. And so I went on a detox, like I did it all. I got a colonoscopy or whatever, not a colonoscopy. What's the thing like colonoscopy? I don't know how that whatever it was, I knew my thing something that was.

It was a butt thing, horrible experience by the way, I like it was so sick after that, like it didn't agree with me, so like, but I did that. I went to like infrared saunas anything to like help me process this stuff. And so I was in California at the time, so I was just like chainsmoking weed because it was the only thing that was giving me some kind of calm, yeah, and some kind of something quite frankly. And so one night I was I was kind of stoned and

I was like laying in bed and like it's hard. And again this is keeping in mind that it is almost impossible to explain like a mystical experience in words. And I think, listen and I know, yeah, So I was there and Chris is a description of it in the Skinwalker Ranch. And you talk to me about this, Ryan, because it's like the way that they described how Chris was saying that, like you don't hear a voice, you just have a knowing of the words that are coming to you, right

exactly. And my I'm not My visual intuitive capacities aren't as online right now at this point in my life. It's something I'm really like working on. But I have very strong, like synchronistic connections. Like it's like how I come across all the information that I do, and also things pop into my mind, you know, like that I can't explain like words that I know. It's not a voice. It's just like, oh, I know that this is the phrase that's coming into my head. It's hard to explain.

And so I was laying there and all that came to me, and it was so strong. I was laying there and I was so sad and depressed, Like I was just like, what the fuck is this? I was trying to meditate and I had done meditation, and I have some really bad mommy issues and so just my mom, like I've worked, We've come a long way, but my mom is not the most like tactile person and like and I'm very cuddly and I need a lot of reassurance and my mom was

just like my mom didn't get that growing up. So my mom just isn't wired that way. That's exactly the same. I'm sorry to interact. No, don't worry. The same with my wife, Casey, her mother and her mother's mother. It's it's it's a generational thing. It is and it I mean, I've been there and seeing firsthand just how completely heartbreaking that is. I'm sorry that that you It's okay, and you know, I'm not saying it's bad for like for like a woman like to not have like as

a mother. You know, then it sets you up with all sorts of other fucked up stuff because I'm going like, can I do that? Like meeting Ryan's mom, Like meeting Yvonne, I was just like I just wanted to like hug her and never leave because I was like obsessed with how much you like love she just she was spending so much time showing me like all of Emily's costumes from I Loved the World. I love every second. Ryan was like, mom stop. I was like, I love it. I

love every single her babies. There's nothing else in the world. Like she's one of those moms. She is and she's so funny. She's just so funny to be around. Your mom is the ship and my mom is I think I told you this after you left and we were on the phone, I was like, when she's happy, when she's you know, good vibes, she is the life of the party. Absolutely, you can tell she really liked you a lot, and and also shout out, Molly, shout

out that they blew my mom the fuck away. And they got in touch with me and dad secretly after they flew back home to Texas and they were like, we're sending her flowers. What's your house? Yeah, and they

did. I just want I just wanted her to get like, you know, your mom hosts everyone, and there's so much hullabaloo around your dad, as there should be, but I just imagine that sometimes, you know, she wants to feel special, and so I was just like, let me make her feel special because she was so hospitable to us, and so I wanted her to get a gift, and so I'm glad that she liked. Yeah, She's always been that way. She shared a video today of literally

like twenty of our friends. Did you see it? She shared it today, Ryan, I saw it. I didn't even watch it. Twenty of our friends just filling their house and she's just happily walking around recording everybody and like making sure everybody's good, like she's an angel. She's so sweet. I think the caption was like I miss this, like h yeah, misses

the ground. She's so sweet. But yeah, like I I was listening to a meditation that basic because at the time I was I hadn't gotten into anything right, Like to put it in perspective, what was I listening to? I was listening to like Abraham Hicks on YouTube, Like what's that? I've heard of that? Okay? I don't want to shit on Abraham Hicks. It's basically just like imagine like the moment that you start putting anything into

spiritual YouTube, you're gonna see like Abraham Hicks and Teal Swan. I got okay, and there's one more I can't remember, Vanilla. And I'm not saying till Swan is Vanilla because like here's alla watch Alan Watts. That's the

other one. Alan Watts is great, Like I would say that he's a great, great person, but also like if you listen to him when you've barely dipped your toe and you're like, what the fuck, it's like listening to the Chess or cat, You're like, cool, you really have to have like an understanding of you know, Taoism and stuff like that to really get where he's coming from. But he still will. I've read lectures by Alan Watts on my other podcast, because like just listening to him can put

you in. But like it was, I was a baby thing like I I didn't know much about esotericism. I was just starting to go, Okay, something's gotta gotta give. So this was before the vision thing happened. So like I had done this meditation and it basically said that you should imagine yourself and your mother's womb, right like, and I was doing that and I just felt so sad during that meditation. It made me so sad.

And I'm like I shouldn't feel sad, right like, you should feel warm and happy and and so that was so fucking depressing and I went to bed like crying, and I was just like I wasn't really praying because I was like I was not spiritual at this point. Like I was just going like like what is this? Like what's the point of this? I'm so sad, Like I can't exist without medication. Something's wrong with me. I'm gonna ruin my relationship, you know, Just like I was just why is aaz

with me? I was just feeling awful, down and out and stoned as fuck, and I was laying in bed and I just I just closed my eyes and I just heard this voice. Well no, I was aware of words that basically, and it said I am mother, you are mother, you like and you are connected to the mother like that was that was what and and it was a feeling I got. And it was such a flash, which is why, like now that I know about Samadi and stuff like that, right like, I feel like I had a flash of like unit

of consciousness for just like the briefest amount of time. But at this point I didn't even know what that was, right, so I was just like, what the fuck happened? Well was that? Yeah? And I wrote it down in my journal at the time, and ironically, a few months later, I ripped it up because I thought you're crazy, which is so sad, you know, like we all have that time moment, right Like, I was like, I was like, you're crazy. Stop. You

don't want anyone to like see this and think you're nuts. Like And then a couple of days later, I had another vision where I was like laying in bed and I this is the one time in my life ran that I've literally had. And why it was so powerful is I saw like I could

see the images, and I've never had it since. I was walking in like a medieval castle and I was going down like spiral staircase and like, you know, like tore like dungeon style, like it was very damp, and there was like a man, an old man that I knew in my mind was named Edward, I don't know why. And he had a really long beard, and he had all of these different instruments out on a table and and I couldn't see myself, so I didn't know if I was me.

I was just only seeing outwards. And I was just there watching him working and writing down and like fucking around with beakers and stuff. And I was like, hmm, and now I did again I know that he was like an alchemist right like, but again at the time, I didn't know any of that stuff. What if that's you and Zaz in a past life

that is see and that wouldn't surprise me, you know? And so I was so and again I wrote this down, and I wish I would still have it, because those through pages in my journal, I ripped them out and I was like, you're insane. You can't tell anyone about this, like you're crazy. So and I didn't even tell Zaz about that at the time. And then a couple of days after that, I'm sitting in our tiny fucking studio apartment with Aas, so we really spent all the time together.

And then COVID was starting to hit then, so like we were really spending all our time there, and uh, I was laying there and I was reading on my phone about this article about how some people don't have an internal monologue, like there are some people that don't. That's really hard to believe, I know, right, And so I got so when I find something, I'm like, I want to learn every single thing about it. So I was like, what, no, I want to what is this

like? Because my internal monologue is a bitch? Like your internal monologue as funny as fuck. It wasn't at the time. It is funny, it's probably funny, but it was also like, I am so self critical, you know, like so self critical, and so this is still a running

joke. So fun fact, I feel like at some point you guys should have Azas on because Zas has a very why yes, good, well, he has a very unique upbringing like his grandparents, like his grandmother had, like Gurdjieff books like Ospenski books, as they had Tibetan monks staying at their house. His grandma was balls deep in occultism. We have she she has Black Madonna stuff. We're about to get like they had in their house in Montreal, because you know, in the seventies you could like go to Egypt

and get ship that was from like the Pyramids. You could get like they they had in their house as grew up around like ancient Egyptian arct like stuff inside their home. Like there's an energy to that. I'm sure maybe that's why he's those zin br potentially. And you know what's funny, Nick is like we haven't even like scratched the surface yet. Zaz is the opposite of

Mollie. Yeah she did say that, But what I'm if you don't mind me cutting a little bit like Mollie where she is the kind of brain and dude, we haven't even like unleashed her on her areas of focus. I'm telling you, dude, I had one hour or two our conversation with her and I hung up. I'm like, Dad, we got to meet her. She's she's she's like us times like ten How she just unleashes all this this knowledge, but her focus is on like Grail traditions. Very scared of

my tabs in my iPhone. Oh no, no, no no. And she sent me some some some articles that I'm like, damn, Like, I kept him open in my phone for weeks and weeks and weeks and we'll go back and read him again, like about the Tintamani Stone and the wishing Stone of Tibetan Buddhas. All just crazy stuff. But anyway, Zazz is the opposite. Yeah, he doesn't study any of it because it's born into

him. Literally, he's just nature. Her husband's as he's naturally just like a mystic without he just is. He We'll be talking and he'll say something, you know, like and I'll be like, you do know that that is basically x y Z right. I'll give him like the esoteric thing and he's like, oh well, I mean it's obvious, right, And I'm like he's cool. Yeah, he just he just he's intuitive. He just he just talks out. Yeah. I feel I've been thinking about this specific

thing lately. There was a while where I felt like, man, am I not like doing this right? Because I'm not always diving deep and digging and trying to find all this stuff or whatever. But lately I've been thinking about it as like my intuition tells me when it's time for me to go find that stuff. That's right, you know, I don't need too much in your head about it, Like take it from me. I sometimes need to like do a content detox because I'm there's so much that I want to

read, Like you know what I mean. When you're just like, oh my god, I want to read everything, it's just but you can't, you know, so like and also you have your own experiences, oh yeah, big time, because that propels you to go in and finding this stuff. But with me, it's it's more like I'll hear one little tidbit or one little thing and I'll just be like, Okay, I need to know a little bit more about that. Like a couple of days ago, I

literally, out of the blue text Ryan like what's up with Metatron? Like I was like, I was like, we need to talk for a minute about Metatron because I need to piece it together. And it was like a ten minute conversation and then I was like, all right, I'm good. It's so funny that you just said piece it together, because this is another like joke in our house as will explain something like really complicated to me or something. And I'm going and he sings this song whenever I'm thinking, he's

like piecing it all together. Like that's that's the narration that he gives when I'm like really thinking of like the thinking symbol. I'm like, fuck, U's as yes, I am. He sounds cool. He is. He's a very gentle small too, like yeah, well, I haven't even really seen his He has a sassy side. Trust oh, I'm sure and to be fairy, you guys came out to our house, and I'm sure for you guys in some way it was something like a spiritual retreat very much.

So, I mean that energy was there, it was he had a rep difference for that. Like we came into that as if we were going to like like we were going to church or something, you know what I mean. I had so I told him so much before we got there, Like I just your dad is like, what's the difference between your dad and some

of the saints? Right? Like age genuinely tell me right because it's the same, you know, Like I've researched enough mystics at this point to like Teresa of Avalon and all these people that have these mystical experiences that are very much revered across all mysticulture editions. You know, Julian of Norwich or you know Roomy, someone who experiences something and it has changed and is like evangelizing

that. And so after reading his book and then being wildly offended by listening to the last Podcast on the Left episode, I was just like, I forgot about that. Our last Podcast on the Left. It's one of the biggest podcasts in what they do. They just completely ship on us. I also like, like absolutely just straight up disrespected us, like it was pretty

it didn't even sound like they fucking read the book. Like that's me, Like I'm going like, and especially it sucked for me because I have a lot of respect for Marcus, Like Marcus on there, he does so much research, and so I was just like, man, I'm like, Marcus,

did you not even read the book? But then you saw there's a lot of drama going down on last Podcast on the Left, And so I was kind of like, it's okay, because when you attack the light, you know, when am I saying that you know, we are the light no no, but we're talking about it. And also your dad the last thing that his experience needs is people to shit on it right now, right

like, because I witnessed it, I want to hear. Yeah, by the way, is this the day that I was literally there and had to like bounce And yes, she was lost and that's why I was like, oh, sh I gotta go because she was lost like a mile away around the corner. I had to drive out and get her and bring her back. But I can't believe I missed it. I want to hear about it. I haven't heard the details. Well, let me tell you this first.

So I was reading about the no Inner monologue thing right right right, and so it's still just like we talk about this all the time because Zas laughs. This just this is where my level of consciousness was. That's why

it's so important. This is why I want people to know that, like you can go from what I'm about to tell you to like where I am now if you go on your own path, you know, like, because it's only been about three and a half years, and I feel like I could sit down with any person and like have a good conversation about you know, esoteric thought. But at this point, I was reading that article and I told Saz was like on the bed, just like us in COVID.

I was like, Zass, did you know that some people don't have an inner monologue? And he goes yeah, And then I'm like, I'm thinking. And this is the point when Zaz is like piecing it altogether. I'm literally piecing it. And I was like, wait, so, and I'm really trying to understand. And I said, well, do you have an inner monologue? And he was like, yeah, yeah, I do. I have like an inner narration. And he goes, but that's not me, and I went what do you? What do you mean that's not you?

And I was like yeah, like what And so I was like I had no conception. And little Zaz, who's been like raised with Buddhist monks and knows about Samsara since he was like six years old, like he's like, yeah, He's like, that's not you. You're not identified with that voice. You are the thing watching that voice. And I'm like who exactly, And I'm going like yeah, and I was just like what the fuck

what are you talking about? But I was intrigued and when he but when he said that, you know you hear something and you know it's there's a truth, and I was like, oh, I've been duped right, like why has no one told me about this? And so that was it. That was the spark where I went, No, I'm gonna learn about this. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about this because I'm going to stop getting fucked by this inn narrator that is not me. I know it's

not me now, and she's fucking with me. And so obviously I don't have a bad relationship with her. I know that she's me. I've done my parts work. But but like, yeah, so that that's the beginning of it all. So I just think that it's really important to like,

it's not like I just interviewed a girl. She has also an amazing meme account Carl Jung memes and her name right now, Oh you got to Para is amazing and again another just straight mes yep, and she was so she just talked about She's like when I looked and there was no Carl Jung meme page, She's like, what I And she's so gooda like one of her recent Memes was like, trauma is stored in the balls, and I was like, in the borderlands of mental health? Is that? Yeah, that's

her. We just did an episode together and we talked about like simulation theory and depression and all sorts of interesting stuff. But you might have to slide me into the Oh, you guys would love to talk to her. She would be an interesting interview. She knows everything about Jung and that would be an interesting, like kind of sidebar because Jung is a mystic. They say

he's a mystic period. But anyway, we had a good She is someone who was raised since a baby her mom, Like if she had a question about life, her mom would direct her to Carl Jung, Like can you imagine, like what an amazing spiritual guide. She just had shelves of Jung's books when she was little. Hopefully she didn't open the Red Book when she was young. I'll take you for a trip. You're not quite ready for that shit. But she that's a difference, right. I grew up in

Wyoming, Middle America. My parents, I think, had like a lot of religious trauma, so we kind of sporadically went to church. I went to an evangelical church camp once where they told me that my Jewish friends were going to Hell and I was like, ah, I'm not into this. And my parents sent us there just like they thought we were going to canoe and shit. And I called my mom and I was like, mom, they said, Tracy's going to Hell, and my mom We're coming to pick

you up tomorrow. Like what the fuck? Soracy? Yeah, I know crazy. I literally went to temple with Tracy, like my mom let us just you know. My mom was not They weren't dogmatic about it, but cool. But the drawback was that when I had big I had big existential questions for my parents, like what was I before I was born, like to my mom, And it tripped my parents out, and the response I

got was don't think about that, you know. And so immediately I didn't have the you know what I have now, which is like, Molly, you touched on something that they were deeply afraid of. I just thought, something's wrong with you, Molly, Like why are you thinking about these things?

And so that was a major repression point for me. And I was a weird kid like I when I was six years old from the library, I just kept checking out this same book on ancient Egypt, which now I know that I'm sure that I have some kind of past life connection there. And my librarian literally made me stop checking this book out because times. Yeah,

because I kept checking it out. And I remember being really little looking at this book and it's scary when you're little to look at mummies, right, And so I was both horrified but also knew that I needed to learn about this in some way, you know. But then I was a millennial, like I'm thirty three, and so very quickly I learned it was not cool to be interested in these things, and so it's so cool, and

so that's where I came from. So, like you know, Zaz and Sarah, while they kind of were born in this soup of like amazing mystical and esoteric thought, which is so cool. Yes, Sarah the way, No, Sarah is just the is not just She's the Carl young memes. Oh gotcha. I just wanted to for the listener because I'm confused to that

is maybe I should go totally. These are just two examples of people who maybe were raised in an environment where they were exposed to these things, yet they still navigated some really hard mental health times, right, But for it gives them a framework, you know, through which to understand things, and I just had no framework. And that's why I really really have a lot of empathy for a lot of my listeners of the podcast and stuff, because

I know what it feels like to basically be spiritually starved. That's what it is, you know, it's spiritual starvation. M that's very interesting you say that, because I have the opposite experience. It's like not spiritual starvation,

but like spiritual suppression. Like I mean, you know, like we don't have to focus on this, but like my my my experience has been like experiencing something and then being told like, you know, shut up, don't talk about it, you're dealing with the devil, this, that the other, blah blah blah. But so that's funny that you say that. That's that's very fascinating. Yeah, And that's how I connected with you, right, because on my podcast, I've been circling around like I want to talk

about what are the core wounds? So I did this in depth two part episode on a mother wound, then a two part episode on the father wound, and I went so deep and then I realized, Oh, what's the core of this. It's toxic shame, right, Like we're all struggling with toxic shame and a lot of that. And a whole episode on it that I did was on like religious toxic shame. How we think of like this

punitive father God that's always watching and for you to do bad things. This is like soaked into our psyche, right, And this is why I know that I have like major authority issues, Like if I had like a male boss or something, it was an automatic like don't fucking tell me what to do, you know, even if they had my best interest at heart.

And so then after my Toxic Shame series, which was eight parts, like I talked about Toxic Shame for I think like eleven hours in total, and because you can, I went into every multifacetating aspect of it, and I'd never received more positive to feedback from listeners, and quite frankly, I was just trying to heal myself, you know, I'm trying to figure it out and share it with other people. And so I was like, oh,

I'm I'm onto something here. And then the next episode the series that I did was scapegoating and like the impact that public shaming and stuff can have. And I listened to Duncan Trussell Family Hour because I just love Duncan Trussell the greatest. He is just incredible, and he is also a modern mystic. Effects Yeah he is. I think I even said that at one point on the show, like he is one of those he's on that list. He is. He is, There's no doubt about it. Yeah, And if

he's not regarded that now, he will be in the features. And that's what I mean. We're all living in a time where no one is really seen this way. Like Marian Woodman is one of my favorite depth psychologists. She's a youngie and analyst. But I just met a guy that knows her and he and I was like, I was totally fangirling, which is like

my niche, geeky fangirl. I tells Az and I'm like, no one knows this, but I'm so excited, And he was just like, you do know that, Like no one took Mary and Woodman seriously basically when she was alive, Like it took her almost till the very end of her career to start getting taken seriously. And now she's an icon, right so it's just like and there's countless examples of that. I think, Like I think Emily Dickinson was pretty much she died penniless and alone, Edgar Allan Poe,

same story, right, Yeah, all of these people. I used to wonder a lot if that was going to be the case with our story. But I thank god, yeah, thank god not. But I did wonder that a lot, like, well, you've made sure that's not the case.

Yeah, And it should also be said, I feel like Chris Bledsoe is on that list, oh so is hell Yeah wild to feel like we are living in a time of mystics again, Yeah, in that time, right, because like dude, as as a kid, it wasn't like, you know, ten years ago even it wasn't it didn't feel like this, No, I mean yeah, I was even you know, to tie in with what we were talking about earlier, like that that thing, that thing

that your mom shared, Yeah, it made me. It made me think about how you guys were treated at that period that was around it was twenty thirteen, was when that video was from, so ten years ago, and the difference is polar, it's completely polar opposite. It must be so vindicating for you guys, because but do you always do you have? I wondered this, like, do you ever kind of are you kind of still traumatized? Like you're like, is it going to change again, like where everybody

turns on us, Like because surely I know it won't be that. Yeah, I don't think that's it. I think yeah, definitely traumatized, but also like I feel like I'm at a point where that is going away whatever that means. Yeah, yeah, because here's the thing. Take it away from you now, right you Well they can't well beyond that, like also

there's actual scientific proof, yeah, antiquity. So it's like at this point if anyone says like you know, ah, they're bs in or they're not telling the truth or this or that or whatever, it's like, well until you have either or any combination of two of these heard you know, episodes of the podcast and seeing them were authentic. Ordinary people watched the documentary, which is forty minutes. If that's too much of your time, if you're

going to sit there and criticize us, you can't. Everyone has the attention span of a goal, yeh. Or read the book if you haven't done any of those three things preach then then close your fucking mouth exactly because you know it's like you don't have the right, No, you don't have an opinion on us. I was on Reddit firm like reading because you know me, I'll do my research. Like I was, like, it was just making me so upset saying the things that people were saying because they just don't

know, you know what I mean, they just don't know. They're lost, No, and they refuse to find it. They to go after it, you know, because like this is what I told Zaz and I told

you this Ryan and me and Zaz talked about it the other day. When you meet Chris, like your dad is like the definition of twinkle in his eye, Like yeah, his you know what, someone other than you, Yeah, like in addition to you day, Yeah, his eyes like he has magic in his eyes, like you can see it's like sparkling, like and when he talks to you, it's just it feels like you're talking to a soul. Yeah, it's it's it's indescribable. There's no filters there anymore,

like there's no veils there. He's speaking directly to you. You know that he's And also when we were and we'll talk more about the experience, you know. But he wanted to get outside and SkyWatch so bad. You

can tell it. And I relate to that because you know, like when you're on the path of finding something, it's like me, I I'm driven, Like if I I have like a text that I'm wanting to read, like I'm like, oh my god, I don't want to watch a show or anything, like I want to read this, Like I have to go read it. And when I saw that, your dad is like, come on, let's wrap up dinner, like we gotta go. We got oh, that's right, that's right, right, Like he was like, we

got to get Yeah, Samuo's was delicious. Yeah, we were at Samo's Greeks. Let's say it. Okay, Yeah, it is a Greek joint. It's actually in Italian. I also left my purse there, so I got to go there again the next day. That's right, that's right. Yeah, we were there and Dad was like, dude, like, we let's go, Like I don't want to sit down and eat, and he

was already He's like how long is this going to take? But not like the annoyed way, just as in he was well, he's my dad, so I can put him in place, and I'm kind of elbowing and I'm like, I'm like, Dad, we have guests. He knows when they're going to show up. I know, I know, but I but I also have to beat down on the human level and be like, let's have a good time at dinner. Yeah, we're also all very hungry. Yeah, it was really funny. So he was like, let's get out of

here, sarwak. But he's driven by something, right, you know, Like that's it's just unmistakable when you meet him, and that's why people can say everything that they want. But exactly like you read that book, I the document, I was but like hearing it and your I still say, your dad has to do an audible version where he's reading it. He has to like yeah, it's just I want to hear it in his voice, like, you know, like I want because he also just has such a

presence with the way he speaks. But I was crying so many times listening to that book, like I just couldn't believe the whole time. I was just going, I can't believe what this family is going through, Like I cannot believe what they're going through health Wise and everything. I was learning about toxic shaming, about how you know when you have such negative emotions for so long, how disease you know, disease turns into dizz ease. And then

all the health problems that Chris was having and Chris Junior were having. I was going like me, like, I was just thinking of gab Ormante's book The Myth of Normal, and I was going like, this is because this is the result of what these fucking people have been through, Like they're getting

sick because they are getting shamed, toxically shamed. And so that's what really prompted me to reach out to Ryan, like I heard him on Duncan Trussele read the book, and then I was just like, the synchronicities are popping. I'm just gonna. I didn't think that I would get a response back, because you always have to know that you might not, but I was so excited when I did. Okay, so I feel like it's time to talk about Yeah, let's talk about what happened. Thank God, don't keep

me waiting any long. Nick, do you know nothing? I listen, I know nothing in general. That's like a good descriptor for me in my life, so you know, Jon Snow, Yeah, no, that's me. You also have to keep in mind that, like there there have already been three or four skywatching things since you've been out. It's constantly happening. So like my philosophy is like we just cover it now here on the show and say it. You know, so he doesn't know any of this stuff.

Oh that's great. Okay. So like we obviously got there and we went out to dinner, I feel like, you know, and we sat around chatting and it was just so great because I had so many questions that I wanted to ask Chris after reading the book. So I was just we got such a nice chat and we were chatting for like two hours before we went to dinner, then chatted at dinner. But I guess we'll cut to

the part that everyone wants to hear about, which is like skywatching. So we finally got outside and it was a new moon, and so it was Remember it was really bright outside. And also wasn't it like the it was within days of the full moon. I think, oh, yeah, you're right, you're right, new moon it would be dark. Yeah, no

it yeah, it was like almost the full moon. The sky was very bright, and it was also really cloudy, and so it had been raining a lot, and I just remember Ryan was just like, hopefully the weather would be good, and this whole time, I'm like, I fucking hope

it will be because we blew your brits. But also you can't control the weather, right, So it's just like so we sat down outside in the lawn chairs that they had, and all I remember thinking, and this is just so typical because I'm happy I told you guys about my inner critic. That's a bitch. She was just like saying the whole time, like watch, watch, You're going to be the one person that doesn't see anything like and and what does that say about you if you're And then and when me

and Zaz talked, he was having the same thoughts. He because because we kind of were sitting there for a while, and I remember Ryan like, bless you, Ryan, because you're like these people flew all the way here, like I really you wanted us to be able to see something, you know, like but you also knew you can't control it. But I just know you you were kind of Ryan was doing the thing of like sometimes it

takes a while don't worry. But I was telling you the truth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it did exactly, but as in you could sense I think my that you were afraid exactly. And I'm going to talk more about that too, because I am. And that's a thing that I think that that's probably why my like my visual intuitive faculties aren't online as much, because I think that I still have more time to release some of the

fears that I have because I'm a very jumpy person. I have a lot of trauma in my background and so and there's a reason for that, right, Like I I'm like Helga and hair Arnold, like you know what I mean. Like I'm like always ready to just like backhand someone, like if you're close and if there's a sound, I'm like ready to go and go. And that's not good when you're trying to have mystical experiences, you know. So I'm working in my own life doing a lot of somatic experiencing therapy

to try to release some of this trauma because I am. I had some instances of sexual assault in my background, and so there's still a lot of that jumpyusness there. Yeah, but but it's not very great for you know having these experiences because like right said, I think the phenomena knows it doesn't want to scare you. It doesn't want to unless you're Christian. You're in

Chris, I can oh you know what I mean? Like because then that's hard, right, because some people do have really jarring experiences where the phenomena clearly is just like, well, we're just going to give you the full manty, you know, but it's clearly being gentle with me. And I appreciate that. And I was telling you that the whole time too, right, yeah he was, and you were so reassuring. And so we were sitting there and Chris kept being like okay, because we were we were all

chatting, like we all get along so well. So me, Ryan and that are just like chatting, having a good time, and Chris kept kind of like directing us to say, like, you know, we need to have like the football chat shut up and like not that, but kind of a very kind Chris way, like hey, guys, we need to bring

our focus, bring our intentions. Think about the Holy Spirit, because that's what he does, right, He's like, think about the Holy Spirit, think about you know, just think about the light and like really bring your intentions, like, let's let's get into a more meditative state. So we all did. We quieted down, and still not much was happening. And then I saw and we all saw it. It was like one of the orbs that's like really small, you know, like and it's just kind of

doing its thing in the sky. And I was just like, and it's one of those things where and I have to admit when I saw that, I went, I've seen that in the sky before, you know what I mean, just thinking about it exactly, but you want to know what it is. It's I just thought, whatever, that's just that's just a plane, right, like my brain always does. And I was just listening to I think like Liminal Frames. You've probably heard of that podcast maybe, Oh

you guys, you guys, Ryan, you love it. This exo academian is his name. He always signs off the podcast saying from the Blue Ridge Mountains in North Carolina. I was like, you guys need to be he's you When I say this guy asked, yeah, oh is a bad? Oh? Oh no? All that? Well what happened next? He You're like, anyways, he but he had someone on the podcast that was really

reflective this guy and he basically had an experience when he was younger. He grew up into working at like CERN, and shit, this guy went on to become that explains everything. Yeah whoa, yeah that explaining but he had a very but he broke from CERN and now he's more into mystical stuff, right, so like he he doesn't. He's a very unique, very very interesting person. He's into young now. And he basically said, like,

we're asking the wrong questions, right. He he brought up the the Netflix documentary like that was that came out that really highlighted those those children that had that experience in South Africa. I think yeah, And he said one of those young men who'd grown up said, I think that we're asked. He said that he thought this was the most profound comment about the of the phenomena that he heard, where he said, we're asking the wrong question. It's

not who are they? I don't quote me on this, but he said, this is more about what are we? Right, Like, what are what are we capable of? And that's what we should be thinking of, is like are we saying that for years? Exactly? But you want to know that's part of the beautiful part, Ryan, is that like that common thread that's part of the validation is the fact that you know, the people

that have had these genuine experiences are having these same thoughts. But this actual physicist guy, he basically said he was just like he had this experience when he was young, and he went, that's not real, right, he shut it out of his mind. And that's what happened to me when I saw those tiny little orbs. But then I saw them with you guys, and I went, oh my gosh, like maybe I've seen this before.

And then then they became clearer, and then the next thing that we saw was like it almost was like and Ryan, I feel like I cut you off. Were you going to say something I didn't. It's better that you did. I'll tell you after. It's just better that you did. I gotta be nice, bad Ryan. Well, I'm they today, right right

right. Yeah, But we saw through the trees. It was like a photographer's flash bowl, but like really soft, you know, and it's like, you know, like it was like really slow flash like when you like get your cheesy pictures done at sears. It's just like, yeah, I know exactly exactly. And I was just like and even then I was like, oh my god, what the fuck? Oh my god. And then even then I was just like oh and so then but then it stopped and

I was like, oh, okay, like maybe that was it. And so we were quiet, and then Ryan and Zaz are talking, and because it's Ryan and Zazz me Chris, I'm next, I'm next to Chris. And I was talking to Chris about you know, he was just asking me about my life and I was it was I was telling him about my sexual assault and I was just telling him because he's basically saying, like, is

there anything that you're like wanting to heal? And then I said, you know, I just want to I just still have a really fucked up relationship with my sexuality after everything I've been through. And I just told him, I was like, I really want to heal from that and just overcome these wounds. And as he was just saying, as Chris does just really beautiful things, and that conversation to me and he just you know, your dad's

just such an amazing person. It's going to like make me cry because he was just really though, he was just he's just like I actually can't even remember what he said, but it was just your dad was so soothing to me in that moment and the moment that we were taught. And the reason why I forgot is because what fucking happened next. And then so I was so close to Chris, like our heads were like imagine like two little school girls talking out a sleepover. We had like our heads punched together as we

were talking. And then literally at the same time, a a an orb that was like a very golden, golden flaming comes arcing, and me and Chris were like this, like a like a movie. We're like both of

our heads at the same time. It was like this, and it just went because there's a tree like right by your dad's WORKSHD, and then there's a tree right there and it just went over and I was like a like and and your dad was like, that's so great to see you so excited because I was overjoyed, and Zaz caught like the tail end of it. So I caught the whole arc. I missed the whole thing. It was

for you. It was for you, you know what. Lately I find myself at these group skywatching settings with Dad where I'm trying to like help him like coach people like I do with you guys, like it's all right, you know, trying to dispel fear now, and I'm like really paying attention to the people. And then there's these brilliant spectacles in the sky and I keep missing them. Whatever. It's okay, you know, I know, but like I'm so grateful to be in that position. Yeah, you know

what I mean. Phenomenon now. Yeah, but the reason I missed you need to get him a little outfit, yeah, like paranormal camp count. But the reason I missed it is because I was turned to the right and I was looking at Zazz and I was trying to talk to him like I was, you know, just being me. I'm like, dude, come on, man, like you know, I'm looking at him. I'm like, you saw that. That didn't scare you, did it? Like do you feel anything scary about that? Just just just fluffing them up on like

how benevolent it is and how like be afraid that kind of thing. And that thing popped right over as I'm looking to the right and they're all looking to the left, and it was so dark. Even though it was like the sky was bright, it was so dark down, you know where in the woods there's not lights around. Literally all I could see was the whites of their eyes and their white teeth, like ah, I just remember like, like, dude, it was close right like you guys beamed me with

just like eyes and teeth like ah. It was such an amazing sight. It was. And that's that's what Chris said, because Chris was like, it's always so nice to see someone's first initial. Oh yeah, because that's it, Like it's pure awe right, like like what I don't even know how to describe it, because and that's when I recorded this episode for my listeners, I'm just going, how do you even put that into words?

What you described? Like I literally saw it. It was a huge flaming golden ball, right like, and it was so close, like it was literally fifteen feet away from from us. I was just going, like what that's close? And then then after that happened, I mean, what more where can you ask for? Right? But we stayed out there because Ryan's like, well, let's stay like there. Shit happens, it continues to happen, and so Zaz saw a lot more like so after that, Zaz

was seeing stuff. But here's the thing. If it's going to appear to anyone, it's going to be to Zaz, because Zaz is calm like he was, and he said that in his mind, he took what Chris said very seriously. He was sitting there and he I specifically didn't talk to Zaz because I didn't want to impact his experience, like so I wanted him to have his own thing and I was having my own thing. And so he told me later that he was just staring into the woods and just taking what

Chris said, which just like we were seeing stuff in the woods. Yeah, yes, like you guys were saying, well what were Za said, it was like lights right, like it was orbs in the woods. Yes, and Za said he was just thinking like I'm ready to see you, like I'm I want to see like just really, you know, just meditating on the fact that he wanted to have more experiences. Later on, I went and walked, like you know how you can kind of walk into that

clearing more close towards the trees. Yeah, And so I got a little ballsy and then then we all know what happened. Ryan kind of started following me closer, and I heard I literally screamed and like almost it was a jump. It was a full jump scare. And then at that point Chris blessed him. Chris was like, yeah, I don't know what your dad said, but he's like, yeah, they can probably sense that you're afraid.

I was sorry, you know what. The the one that was significant to me was when I was telling the two of you the story of the night that Nick and his whole family was there and we were sitting on those chairs. This was back when was that Nick June it was. It was in the summer, for sure. I think it was Father's Day. No, I think it was Father's Day that weekend, Yeah it was. It was yeah, yeah, it wasn't Father's Day, but it was like the

day before or the day before that. And Nick's entire family was out there minus No I think everybody was there. It was your dad, both your siblings, their kids, their kid. Yeah, everybody was there. Was a huge And keep in mind, Ryan and I have been friends year sixteen, seventeen years maybe something like that, and my family has never seen anything until literally a few months ago, and it well, that was also the first night both of our families were all together together too, So that's the

whole family. Yeah, it really was, and they've never seen anything like that. And I mean we got of July like grand Finale, and then also leading up to that. For many years, you can ask Ryan, I've always been like, I've see them, I've seen them, but like, I've never seen them up close. They've never gotten close to me. Why don't they ever get close to me? All this for years, But then that night it was like one of them was in arm's reach of me.

And then I found out later on both sides. Jack Emily's husband said that when the one flashed in front of me, simultaneously one flash behind me. Yeah, I saw it. Yeah, you saw it too, that's right, that's right. Yeah, I've never seen anything like that. I was. So this was mind blowing. This was truly mind blowing. So that night that Molly and z As were over, I was telling them the

story of that night, just you know, because it's helpful. Obviously it worked because it's it's it's it's opening your mind about like possible how they interact. And I was telling you, guys, Nick, do you remember when Dad was like, all right, everybody stand up and turn around right now, And there was an orb in the sky. Oh what he What he'd said was he literally just started standing up and he goes, look right there.

Before he even turned around, he said, look right there. And I was like, why are you saying look right there if you haven't even and turns around in points and literally where he pointed there was one and we were. I immediately turned around and was like, how did he do that? Yeah? I was not. I've never seen that. That was my first time seeing him do that. So here's the funny thing. He could

just call right where it was going to be. He was in advance the opposite direction, and he started standing up and it was just like this, he went right over there and then there it was. It was so okay, so so follow me here. So now we have that story in our mind. So the night that Molly and Zas are over, I'm telling them that story. As I'm saying that story, I get a flash. Do you remember Molly? And I was like, oh shit, that's that's hilarious,

right crazy. I was like, whoa, that's wild. And that's about eight thirty. We really had just gotten out there. Yeah yeah, and for you know, I stay out there for a while until about eleven thirty. Yeah, we stated for yeah, about eleven thirty, and I kind of probe Dad hours before in private, I'm like, Dad, when are you feeling? When's the sweet spot? He gets this sense like at this time they're gonna they're gonna really show up. So I was probing him

like when you think, when you think? He kept being like nine. So then in front of Mollian's as, I was like, Dad, what's your meter, what's your what's your asking, what's what's your radar? Say what's the time? And he just kind of laughed. He'd be like, well nine, he called it. Oh, it gets better than calling it.

He's like nine, and I'm like, okay, cool. So then about eight twenty five, eight thirty, you know, I tell them that story where I'm like he did the thing and it flashed and I'm like dang, and Dad sets an alarm on his phone for nine. He's like, you know, nine. So we see a few little flashes, but eventually down the road we see a bright, huge fucking flash and we're all like whoa, and then we hearing literally nine o'clock alarm. It's like, come on, it was insane that it is too good. Bro, see he's

in the list of the mystics. Man. That's mean, it's real. If this ship was happening in medieval England, for example, people would be saying he would will either they'd be burning him at the stake or they they would be saying that he is a saint or something like or anything. But it would be huge. Oh you know the so Donald Trump of me right now, it would be it would be huge. You do a great Trump begs that was really good. I don't know if I'm proud of it,

but oh, I mean I just like it. I like anyone that can do impressions like this with your hands. That's all you have to do. You have to do. That's it. I'm sorry everyone that you even had to hear. I'm sorry that this story is blowing my mind like crazy right now. It's just it's insane. Yeah, sorry, Ryan, go ahead, Well no, I mean no, you go on. So after you left? Yeah, well okay, so help me remember this here, Molly, because I've had a lot gone since you. I can't even remember when

you were here. Was it three weeks ago? I can remember. I think it was three or four weeks. Okay, had my dad done that? Festival that I had. He already did it, yep. Okay, And we saw the videos remember or like you guys talk the one with Larry Yeah yeah, okay, yeah, okay, cool cool, Yeah, And your dad told us about that story of like everyone seeing it at once, like with everyone's launch, right, Okay. So since that, Dad and I have been talking a lot, like we really want to start showing people.

You know, it's not enough to talk on camera anymore. It's like it's it's there has to be a next level to this. There has to be a you know, inviting crowds kind of thing. And we're like, no, are the more people with good intentions? I feel like the energy is there. It's very like witchy, you know. But I but I believe in that. I believe in the ritualistic like energy of a bunch of

people. Have to have good vibes though, well, I mean, Jesus said, when two or three are gathered in my name, like, that's that's in reality, that's that's true, no matter what lens you look at, it is when when doing them. Oh, we already have That's what I was going to tell you. And so we started small. We started with a group of eleven of us and it was on the beach out here.

Oh yeah, the pictures on your Instagram. Yeah, I'm not gonna tell the full story yet because we're actually about to do yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, but it was it was insane and it's like something's definitely happening, and it was the first Now this is this is historic to me.

Okay to the people out there who have been listening for years. Some people have been listening since literally two thousand and eight, and they know this inside and out, and they're like, yeah, you know, they've had lots of crowd see, ye, that's fine, you know, seventy people since two thousand and eight. No, but that's when Dad's documentary first came out.

People have known about us since two thousand and eight. But in all this time, to me, one of the very most mind blowing spectacles was two weekends ago when we did it on the beach for the first time with a with a public crowd in a public space. Even though it was a small crowd, it's like, forget the number. It's the very first time that Dad and I said, okay, our actual intention is to gather a subjective number of people meet at a space that is not even our property,

it's just a public space. Yeah, this is our first time that we're like, we're going to meet here because we want to show people. Anytime anyone has ever been to our property skywatching, it's exactly like you reach out. Hey. It's like, you know, we get in touch and then either we're like, well, come on out, or you're like can I come out? You didn't do that? Did I invited you? You know what I mean? Yeah, that's how it always is. It's people reaching

out again. I want to stress this is the first time the dad and I went out and said, all right, meet us here, we'll show you the orbs. You know, we believe that they'll do it, and they fucking did it so and it was crazy. So something's happening. Like something's happening. We want people to see. It's in my opinion, it's the Age of Aquarius is happening. You know. I believe. I think in time, people will look back on all these episodes we recorded years ago

and be like, damn, they were right. But the point is, Molly, as you've witnessed you say something like they're gonna show up at nine Yeah, ding ding ding, ing they show up at nine? What is that? What does that mean? In the deeper levels? What does that mean that entity looked at us and said, okay, lights on at nine, it showtime here I am, And they appear and they do their trick, right. It's not that Dad has command over them. It's that they

is your dad, that entity in the future. And is there a connection there, Well, that's a beautiful possibility. But my point is they are participating exactly. They are participating in this little song and dance of okay, nine's the time right poof a crowd of people on the beach. They participated, and they participated like it was the stars shaken around in the sky. It was insane, and orbs bright orbs hovering over the ocean, some of

them shooting down into the ocean, and it was it was insane. Something's happening. And you were a part of me and Dad having these these kind of more intimate skywatching groups with like influencers and people like that and being like, let's take this more public. Hate that word. I'm not an influencer. I think it's a compliment, you know, because it's like, I believe that my role is to influence, the influencers. I'm a nerd.

I'm a professional nerd. Okay, well, okay, you know what to be known as you shall be. And now I'm suddenly filled with a dread so ancient in me. Such a good call about a meme that I shared. But you get my point, right, Yeah, I do. I

have played a pivotal point. And yeah, and in this recent span of events of me and dad being like something's happening here, it's time to keep you all on with this, so and as you should, like, if there's anything that he's your family is here to do, it's that you know, like what what is more important than sharing this with people? Because I told you that the day after Well, first we stayed on your property and we stayed and the first thing we did, like we were so quiet.

We came in. We're just like doing our nighttime routine. You're like brushing our teeth, washing our face and like not really talking because we're just like piecing it all together. And you're sleeping like fifty feet from where it happened. And your dad has like wind chimes outside and so he made by hand. They were tinkling, and me and zas forgot about them, and I

was like, are they playing music tripping out? An orbchestra? An orbchestra if you will, But I like that, I'm going to give you that one. I want to see it, like seeing the increased activity. It's just like I said earlier, it's just such a crazy, stark contrast from the way that things used to be. You know, I've always been ride or die bled. So family they're like my family, like they are and back back in those you know, a decade ago, there were times where

it felt like just really dark and sad. I just felt so bad that you know, the family was. People wouldn't give it a second thought.

It was you know, we say it all the time. We grew up in the Bible belt, so people would hear it and oh, that's the devil and it it's like, I feel like it's even healing a piece of me, just seeing people come in and being so excited and seeing the phenomenon and like, you know, seeing Ryan and the whole Bloodsoe family finally experienced Catharsis, finally vindication, finally like proof, the documentary, the book,

all of this stuff. It's like, you know, I'm not even I'm not even like a member of the family, and it's we're not done with it yet, baby, Oh I know, I know more. It just it makes me unspeakably happy. I appreciate that when you when you see people that you love going through absolute hell, you know. And also Chris coming from such a beautiful and genuine place and then being labeled like demonic. It's

just so that was the first thing other than drugs it was demonic. It's just it's bullshit and you can't, like I was gonna say, you have to spend two seconds with Chris Bloodsoe and like he is like the embodiment of kindness and love. Like if you sit down with that man for just five minute conversation, you know that he's the real deal, you know what I mean, Like he's not he's so coherent, like he knows. It's also

like he's not in England. I lived in London for a while and one of my favorite phrases that they say is like when someone's like a little bit like did see or like out there, they're like they're away with the fairies. They say that. So if you have like UK listeners, they're like, oh, she's a little way with the fairies, right, Like it's great, right, and it has probably like very mystical like I'm sure it's

a very old old saying. But like he's not away with the fairies, right, he's like he is so grounded, you know, actually locked in. Only he's most people don't know this, Molly. He actually has an IQ of one hundred and sixty. Wow, he's actually like yeah purposes, you know, it's like he's not what he seems. Well, it doesn't surprise me that your dad is because he was the way he was speaking about all the different three letter agencies that he's been you know, speaking with,

and all the different things that he's been involved in. I mean, your dad is speaking really coherently about really high level subjects. And so it's just like there's no world where your dad is not intellig an intelligent person. And it's like anyone who thinks that someone is just automatically less intelligent because they have a Southern now accent, it's just coming that with the program. Regardless of your like, some of the smartest people I've ever met have had unfancy vocabulary,

have had some sort of thick accent. It's not about that. It's about eloquence, right, and also that inner knowing, you know, like trusting in your intuition. That's another thing, Like that's a whole other episode. But as in, you know, people aren't trusting academia as much anymore, you know, because there's just anyone can write a paper and anyone can publish a study. Right. So it's just we need to reframe what true

intelligence and consciousness is. We need to be thinking more about consciousness than book smarts. Yeah, for sure. And I want to clarify, you know, there's a lot of people that are like you know that could be rubbed the wrong way just by me merely mentioning like positive attributes about my dad. And also like I'm super defensive because thousands of people to about the span of

my life have shamed me or my family. So I have this like defensive attitude sometimes, but like anyone wants, right And also like, as we could all just kind of close our eyes and imagine for a moment, it's not normal to be born into a life where thousands of people are simultaneously aware of you and have an opinion about you, and you know about it, no or millions rather, you know, not that I you know, I don't communicate with millions of people, but millions of people know about us,

and it's like that's not normal. Okay, now, like already my thought process is not normal because I've been thrust it into a position that is not

normal. You know. So you're kind of taken on, Like it seems like you're like the pit bull of your family, you know what I mean, like more like the lion it precisely, but you know, same energy, like as in like you are going to defend and you're going to find the answers, and you're not going to be intimidated, right, not that the rest of your family has, but it's just like you took it upon

yourself to really say, like don't make that podcast. Buck, Yeah, I'm making this podcast, you know what I mean, Like I'm going to talk about it. And that's such an important role to be that kind of agitator and uh standing up and speaking your truth against all odds. Well, it's like, I'm sorry, what did you say, pitbull? Yeah, that's on that side. That's it. You're you're the guard dog. You're literally like the the sentinel, like the Greek fail anx. Yeah, you

ain't getting through. Yeah, that's you, bro. I think I think about it in lion symbology only because I'm a Leo. That's the only reason. But you know, it's like I remember being in elementary school and having a shirt that said class clown. I I never thought that I would grow up and turn into like the archetype of a trickster, just like you know, just like meaning you know, meaning this heavy esoteric stuff and like you know, you know, on the journey of awakening people and like, but

you kind of have to do you have to though. That's why you have to have an element of lightness because the thing is is the moment that you start taking all this stuff too seriously, then you're missing the point. Right. It's like we circle back to Alan Watts. He's a very trickster energy, right, Like same thing with someone, yeah, or same one like rom Doas or something, you know, Like these people are very Terrence McKenna. These are all people that remind me of like very trickster energy. And

it's good because or who is the other guy? Yoda for sure? For sure Yoda. Yeah, there's this guy that wrote this book called Prometheus Rising. His name is uh oh oh, I know the book. I can't think of the author's name either. Let's look it up. Prometheus Rising and bother me Robert Anton Wilson and people people abbreviate his name like row they call

him. Yeah, but that talk about trickster, right, like, oh yeah, he purposefully writes things and say with Alan Watts like because in order to tap into these spaces, you have to be in that maybe yes, maybe no, like that you have to be in that case. Yeah. And it's the interview I just did with Sarah Carl Jung Memes. The whole end of it was us talking about kind of laughing about guys that talk about

simulation theory because they think they've got it all figured out. And I'm like, whenever I hear about this, I'm like, but I'm like, you're so masculine in the way that you're thinking about it, and you where's your feeling? Right, where's the mystical? And if you actually married all this intelligence with this mystical feeling intuitive, you might actually get closer to because that's what it actually is. But people are not comfortable with not knowing that's that's

it. They want to pin it down, They want to you know, they want to have all the answers they want to, but that's just not possible. And also the moment that you think that you've got it, it's going to be something different. You know. It's like chaos theory. Yeah, exactly. It's also like kind of a parallel to like an exercise of faith. Yeah, you know. I feel it's funny because when I identified with like Christian faith, I felt like I had way more quote unquote answers,

but I knew like nothing. Yeah, and now I have like no answers, but I feel really resolved in my current understanding of consciousness. Now I feel like kind of also like an eternal like perpetual baby in terms of spiritualism, like I feel like I'm constantly learning and I constantly only know this much. But that's arguably a much more spiritually mature position to be in.

Exactly, I feel more resolved now than I ever did in some like you said, pinned down the answers, Like no, I feel so much more comfortable now. And ironically, don't you sorry, Ryan, go ahead, Oh no, it's okay. I was. It's very brief. I was just gonna say, ironically, an atheist or an agnostic is actually in the same level of unconsciousness as like a super dogmatic person of any mainstream religion, because you were for sure that nothing exists, or you're for sure that it's

sky Daddy. Like right, that's a great point. You're still pretty blind, right, because you have to have a little bit of question. Or I'm a star seed and I have the light codes, it's like whoa, honey, like, maybe go some more Alan Watts. Yeah, this star seed stuff, I don't want to I don't want to be we have a we have listeners that are into that. I'm sure, but like no, but here's the thing. You know, you can absolutely I've read all of

that stuff and also there's there's so much there's beautiful truth in it. But the problem starts when you say, I am a star seed and this is the way that it is, and it's and if if I encounter anything that that that doesn't adhere to this belief or that like your intuition might be sending you more and you're going to be blocking that out because you're so set. Like for me, if I would have just said, oh, I started learning about the scenes or the you know, the Rosicrucianism and all this stuff

that I kind of first started dipping my toes into. If I would have said, that's it, I only want to learn about this, it wouldn't allow me. Now that I've like manically researched so much, it allows me to connect all the threats together, and I see the things that overlap, and it allows me to see the overarching mythos that's connecting it all together.

That's a real that's a real alchemist or a real occult as has a dark spin, but you know what I mean, Yeah, like it's I think, like I like to say, that's the real botic, you know, wisdom, right, because that's a hidden wisdom, and I occult that's a syop right because the very fact that people think right cult equals to mondic occult

just means hidden exactly. And it was hidden for a reason because people weren't fucking ready, because they were doing what people did to your dad, and so these people had to hide in the shadows because they knew they're not ready for this yet. There's two. There's two. There's another layer of that also. You know, people weren't ready because they were being controlled by the power structure. That's like no, no, no, it's only this way,

and you could get mrked, you could get back exactly. It's it's so deep it goes. I was going to say, if you want to see true bona fide clowns, it's not out yet, but it'll be out next week. You've got to take a peep at our Halloween costumes on our Halloween episode. Oh yeah, you want to see some clowns. Did you guys literally dress up as clowns. We were clowns dressing up as Halloween costumes.

So what did you? Let's give it a sneak peek. Come on, just give it the audience, Give the people what they want it because when you yeah, yeah, yeah, I was Slippy from Star Fox, the very popular I'm sure you're aware of that character Slippy is. Slippy is a frog who flies, who flies a an R wing futuristic fighter jet thing. So, uh, I really want you to be a frog for Halloween because you're like, babe, I'm going to make your dreams come truck.

Yeah exactly. I think I have a compromise where we can both win. I love that you get and I can be a cool character for my game. I like amazing. I why a frog. I love how she's just like I got all the stuff. I got all the stuff to make you a frog. We can make you a frog. That's incredible. I don't have the photos with I was looking for photos on my phone, but I was a desperately needed new hero for the New Age named Moodrumn mood drum Man. Were you just like I? At one point during the episode, I

looked at Ryan. You could probably see it in the episode when it's out. I looked at him and I had to stop talking because there was like forty crystal bracelets on his arm. Look at that. Look at that. Jenny heard me in the other room. She texted to me, Oh, look at the Mexican. Yeah, that is incredible. You guys, good for you. You guys need to make him have a theme song. Oh I'm thinking. I'm thinking there has to be a modern episode, right that

top one there back in the stew punch me in. Dang well, I uh, I feel like we didn't get honestly, Yeah, what a pleasure. I will be happy to come back and shoot the ship with you guys anytime. Pees I was just gonna say, like we maybe, but maybe your listeners are like, please never have money. I was so scared to come on. This is my first podcast I've ever been on another podcast.

Really yeah, well that's a big deal, y'all listening in the audience, not only as you've just heard for you know, an hour plus, how cool she is. She has a really dope podcast. Really don't let's go ahead and plug that real quick. You know, Night Night Bitch is definitely

ride up your listener's alley. I think a lot of your listeners also would like Back from the Borderline because now you know me if you ever want, like to really dive into some serious stuff about because I think if you are going to be diving into serious esoteric stuff, you should also be integrating your psychological trauma. I'm saying they're married, so I feel like back from the Borderline and bloodsoe said, so are like friends were like family? Yeah for

sure, as in like my my episodes on that. But Night Night Bitch is going to be like y'all will love it because it's right up, it's all this all of this stuff, but it's more meditative. It's my creative outlet. Really. I loved making it so much. It's fantastic. Thank well, I was just going to say, listen to it. It's fantastic, thank you. We didn't touch any of the like esoteric stuff that you know, so like next time we'll have to. Oh yeah, there's a

lot there, you know. Ryan. What would be really cool is like now listeners can go listen to Night Night Bitch, but whenever you want to have me back on, what you could tell me is because I'm research queen, So like if you tell me you want to dive into, like we could say, we can do like the scenes and like or the Cathars, like the Cathars are sick, Like that would be a really fun episode.

You could tell me, and I could come with some like really interesting little excerpts that we could read and then we can kind of react to them. So that might be really fun. That would be fun. That is a fire idea. I love that. Yeah, we can definitely do that. Yeah. In the meantime, check her out back from the Borderline. You'll see her name Molly Adler, podcaster seeker, just helping you find meaning in the madness, babe. And then it's a little nail emoji. Yeah,

yeah, I did. Yeah, I was going to say earlier that we were talking about like what archetype you guys are, because you're both so like digging into like the knowledge and stuff. I was gonna say, it's the seeker. You guys are seeker archetypes big time, both of you. Sure that's perfect, but anyway, yes, everybody, I feel like Ryan and I are very same energy because I relate like I'm very also like pitple of

my family too, like I'm the protective one. I will always Also Zaz always says like you always have to like chime in the peanut gallery, he calls me, because I'm always I'm always gonna say the thing my wife the peanut gallery that is so good. I will always pipe in like he's like, oh, here's Molly punching in. I'm like, yep, oh my god, I just realized you never even got to meet my wife yet I

have to. That's got to have. Yeah, she she is. I fear that she's way funnier than I'll ever fear, and like, yeah, you you you've got to because Jenny had to leave and she had to go back to uh Nick or Jenny. Well, that just means that our collective future is very bright. Oh for sure, we have a lot to look forward to. This is only the beginning of our our collaborations. But yeah, I'm happy to come on anytime, and I will prepare amazing little blurbs

for you all. We can even share my screen with some things. I got this okay. And then in the meantime, Dad and I are already scheduled early or is it mid you know, no, early November. Early November. Dad and I are going on Molly's show and we're going to do a collaborative podcast on her show, so be sure to look for that. We'll both be pushing it. Actually, by the time this comes out, it'll probably be around the time that we record that, and I'm going to

do an interview with them like has not been done. Because the thing is, we've all heard about the story, right I want to talk about the toxic shame, the impact of that, and so I'm hoping that if you all tune in, it's going to be a you'll be able to hear things that maybe you haven't heard. I've listened to so many interviews with Ryan and Chris at this point, and I want to ask different questions so that people

can get new information. I love that I'm so hyped for that. Yeah, so I'm very excited and honored because I know how busy, especially your dad's schedule is starting to blow up. I swear, I swear you are like just the shining, spitting image reincarnated of some medieval queen of some sort. I'm not sure. I hope so that would be sick. Yeah, definitely with something you'd probably look back and be like, m darling, please

don't wear that hoodie and leggings again. Literally, she's reading me for Bill. Yeah, your higher self, the royal version. Yeah, yeah, we'd be at least I got internet, bitch. Literally, yeah, we're just owning each other. Yeah, at least I got I don't know. I'm my Anne Bolin, She's my homie. How can I do this? I have my medieval queen here on my arm. Wow, this was the most awkward. I mean, trying to show my tattoo that's you, that's you from the past. I would love it. I would love that if

that were me. Yeah, well, anyway, this was such an awkward note to end on. Sorry that I tried to shove my tattoo into the no no no. Thank you guys for having me, and also thank you blood, Soe said, so listeners for being here with me. It's nice to virtually meet all of you, and I welcome you into my podcast in a universe too. Y'all please check her out. Yeah, we have a very I'm not even gonna explain it. I feel like I'm explaining it more

than ever lately. I'm gonna explain it after so just repeat after us. On three, we're going to say bye, guys. It's okay, Oh my god, all right, you ready. Thank you so much for coming on the show. You're bright, you're awesome, You're amazing. One, two, three, by Yes, weird things happen in the backyard. Let's house said, look up, it's so weird. You're coming closer to us here stays straight though, like smiring on the inside of it. No one

knows. Man, Wow, just come right over go Sorry. Being a happy neighborhood happ