GO TO SLEEP!
Jackie deep dives Bethenny Frankel's social media decisions, romanticizes throwing phones at people and gives some unpopular pregnancy updates.
May 23, 2023•54 min
Bitch Bible
A podcast that dares to say what many are thinking, but only a bitch would say. Expect unfiltered and unapologetic discussions about sex, millennial struggles, pop culture, social faux-pas and hopefully, an insightful takeaway. Nothing is off limits.
Hosted by Jackie Schimmel, creator of blog “The Bitch Bible," and your soon-to-be bitchy (and super neurotic) best friend.
Episodes
Nuclear Tom.
Jackie psychoanalyzes the Vanderpump Rules finale, Taylor Swift and Matt Healy's relationship and pays homage to rough parenting skills.
May 21, 2023•56 min
SILVER ALERT.
Jackie is back from a home reno 5150 and ready to get cancelled! She recounts Grandma Gloria almost being abducted, her new problematic event planning business and why Mindy Kaling should stop hiking ASAP.
May 16, 2023•56 min
"Oh Scary!"
Jackie is dealing with pregnancy body shaming after a verbally abusive "masseuse" objectifies her. She also deals with her on again off again stalker, runs into CHERYL, gives a fun diabetic update and covers Met Gala fashion!
May 02, 2023•53 min
Rising Phoenix
Jackie survived therapy camp and proves to show little to no growth. She breaks down the psychology behind the Sofia Richie wedding hype, makes a strong case for child labor and how to convince your significant other that you don't gp number two.
Apr 25, 2023•47 min
Sirloin, Farewell.
Jackie is away at therapy camp and decides to go out with a bang. She discovers ground beef under her breasts, has a pedicure emergency with Grandma Gloria and reflects on a problematic science project.
Apr 18, 2023•45 min
Dalai Trauma
Jackie is getting ready for her therapy retreat and for one final purge decides to cancel the Dalai Lama, make a case for consensual beastiality and why we should rebrand slut shaming! She hath risen!
Apr 11, 2023•47 min
Artichokehold
Jackie has a setback in her blissful pregnancy and considers leaving her marriage to be a single mother feasting on innocent souls and artichoke hearts.
Apr 04, 2023•51 min
Eucalyptits
Jackie warns listeners of the aesthetic hazards of watching "Daisy Jones and The Six", makes a strong case for Eucalypts girlies and explains why her and Andrew almost got divorced over his latest failed home repair.
Mar 28, 2023•46 min
Beef Curtain Boundaries
Jackie answers some listener questions, talks about her vagina falling out of her leotard at her sister's wedding and how to instill boundaries in this digital age of instant gratification!
Mar 25, 2023•51 min
Good as Mold!
Jackie survives a mold infestation and is in her new studio in her old crusty robe strategizing Raquelle Leviss' publicity crisis, deals with yet another nail salon trauma and rehabilitates after her sister's wedding weekend!
Mar 23, 2023•49 min
IT'S ABOUT TOM.
Jackie unpacks the Vanderpump Rules drama, Selena Gomez vs Hailey Bieber (kill me) and shares a low cal shirley temple recipe because she is nothing if not multidimensional.
Mar 07, 2023•48 min
Papaya Poltergeist
Jackie enters dicey pregnancy territory after ingesting a papaya salad, doubles down on her anti- Apple Watch stance and breaks down "Lucky Girl Syndrome" with some actual authority.
Feb 28, 2023•48 min
This One's For Mindy.
Jackie is joined by her best friend and life partner Max Bronner to discuss raising children, why wearing an Apple watch to a wedding is a death sentence and a myriad of other deeply unflattering and offensive context. This episode is dedicated to Mindy Benet Bronner.
Feb 21, 2023•57 min
HOLLYWOOD GLAHM!
Jackie spreads more toxic negativity with public hatred for "Hollywood Glam" home decor, loser baby clothes, Valentines day theatrics, her latest Bling Ring baby heist and superbowl recap!
Feb 14, 2023•50 min
The Hills Have Spies
Jackie reveals the gender of her demon seed, champions Child Labor Laws, recaps the Grammy Awards and advises Pamela Anderson on her eyebrows.
Feb 07, 2023•56 min
Once Upon A Mormon...
Jackie almost has a euphoric encounter with a Mormon but unstead gets sold solar panels after witnessing a geriatric woman being dragged by a great dane. She also discusses "Vanilla Girl" aesthetic trends and the altercation between Caroline Manzo and Brandi Glanville.
Jan 31, 2023•46 min
Soup for The Soul
Jackie delivers a moving poem to Lenny Hochstein, explains how she ended up at a real housewives shabbat dinner and ruins any chance of being invited to Tulum with Selena Gomez.
Jan 25, 2023•44 min
Mama Bear!
Jackie has been keeping a secret and is with child. She blames "hormones" while she alienates most of her audience by eviscerating women on the internet, organizing a march to exterminate birdlife and recaps some general pop culture happenings.
Jan 17, 2023•48 min
HaPpY 2023 xO jAcKiE!
After a week long sabbatical Jackie is back just in time for some New Years perspective to discourage you and remind you that change is not in your future. She shares why all the recap reels trigger her to a time she bled on a futon at Living Spaces and why tapeworms are your only hope.
Jan 03, 2023•46 min
New Money Valley Stripper
Jackie accidentally ingests aluminum foil, has a come to Jesus moment over a 1 star review, has another psychotic break about why she can't get guests and deep dives Jen Shah's counterfeit bags.
Dec 21, 2022•47 min
Hard Boiled Bitch
Jackie addresses "hard boiled egg girls", why headbands are the devil, Harry and Megan and the White Lotus finale!
Dec 13, 2022•47 min
Petty Hurts!
Jackie embraces the holiday season and celebrates the freeing element of hate in all forms. She talks about why hair accessories trigger her, petty bitches, Balenciaga, Kanye's latest rant and her one sided beef with Megan Markle.
Dec 07, 2022•47 min
Winter Is Coming.
Jackie enters the holiday season with a bang. She is tackling Balenciaga, tufted furniture, and everything else in her fraudulently festive wake. Grab your jingle balls and buckle up this episode is a RIDE.
Nov 29, 2022•51 min
Barely There and Breathtaking
Jackie enters the holiday season with tips on how not to embarrass yourself, discusses some Katink fashion philosophies and how she broke up Harry and Olivia.
Nov 22, 2022•54 min
Keep One Eye Open
Jackie recaps her Harry Styles experience, reflects on why people hate her and dodges pink eye from Grandma Gloria
Nov 16, 2022•49 min
Quality Control.
After collosally fucking up her pre-recorded episode Jackie shows the integrity of a true professional by freeballing a new episode all in the pursuit of quality control. She talks home decor, Selena Gomez and gives an exciting holiday update on friend of the show Cheryl!
Nov 11, 2022•51 min
Shabby Shriek
Jackie has a psychotic break after trying to help write music for local small businesses, has a stroke at Jennifer Lopez's home decor and offers Beverley Mitchell an open cash reward to come appear on the show.
Nov 01, 2022•46 min
Calcutta Bitch
Jackie recaps her journey to Anaheim, reviews Taylor Swift's new album and gives you some do's and don'ts for Halloween!
Oct 26, 2022•45 min
Feral 4 Cheryl
Jackie reminisces on her old neighbor Cheryl, makes a case for child labor and dissects housewives fashion and her first time pretending to do cocaine!
Oct 18, 2022•55 min