Hello, beautiful people and welcome, welcome, welcome. So this is my first podcast recording. And for those of you that know me, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Hannah Kissel and I am a life coach. I work with high performing executives and entrepreneurs to really help them overcome imposter syndrome, self -doubt and help them find purpose and clarity.
in their career, find empowerment in their life and to step into the life that they've always wanted to basically just like clear all of this shit so that they can move forward and create bound to this beautiful life. And so, you know, I wanted to start a podcast for years, like absolutely years. Shout out to my homie, Claire McCarthy. We wanted to start a podcast. I think it was called Ball Gowns at the Beach or maybe it was champagne and razor blades. Yeah, those are our ideas.
I'm really happy that none of those went forward. And I've wanted to do this for like five years now. I'm finally doing it, which I'm so excited for. And so today, I'm just going to jump right in. Today, I want to talk about self -sabotage. And I've seen this a lot. It's come up a lot in my coaching practice. I'm also working through it a little bit. with my coach and my therapist. And it's something that, yeah, really fires me up.
And I want to walk through the methods that I use to address it, what the patterns that I see that are happening with people when they have it. So when I notice self -sabotage is going on, typically what I'm looking for is when something is repeating and nothing is moving forward. So a client really wants to achieve X goal, but we keep going around and round in circles and they're not really achieving the goal. They don't really know why.
And what that is indicating to me is that there's some self sabotage going on. So there's something in their subconscious belief system that is blocking them from achieving what they want to achieve. And so, What that means is that there's typically what I do to address this is I use internal family systems therapy. So I Fs and it's a psycho spiritual method. I absolutely fucking love this method. I see an IFS therapist. I do this with my clients. I've just finished my second training.
So I'm really all about this right now. And this is a method that underpins everything we do in my group coaching program, the life and work transformation. Because if you want to transform, but you have parts of you that are sabotaging you, you're never really going to get to where you want to. period. So it's extremely important to understand what's going on in your subconscious system and bringing it out into the light so that you can get the desired behavior change.
And I have seen people transform with this method. Like both my clients as well as my friends that work with IFS and myself, I've just seen unbelievable change and transformation. So Basically what this method looks at is it looks at the part of you. So let's say you're self -sabotaging and you're procrastinating really intensely, or you've got a part of you that's really angry. One of my clients is a part, we call it bottle pop. So part that just kind of erupts.
And what we do is we actually look at that part of you. And notice you say this in everyday language. You'll say like, a part of me thinks this, but a part of me wants to do that. So we're already... we're already using parts language all the time. So what we want to do is we want to look at that part of you and actually saying, okay, look at it as if it's an external, because as, as, as if it's another person and you can almost say, put it like, okay, pretend it's in a chair next to you.
And you want to understand, you know, what, what's going on? I'm really approach it with curiosity. Like what happened in my life? What was going on when you first came into being? What was going on in my family? What was going on in my friends? Like, why did this behavior start? And typically what people find is that this part of behavior, like it typically would start in childhood and it's a real maladaptive behavior and it's there for survival.
So that procrastination part or that anger part really thinks that if I do this job, it is going to protect you somehow. So it really, and then what happens is that these parts typically form in childhood, but then you're an adult and then you're 34 and you're really behaving like a five year olds because like that part of you is actually stuck in time. So I'm going to give some examples.
So, yeah, recently I was working with an absolutely just like really beautiful client who I've worked with for a while and we kept dancing around the same thing and it, we weren't moving forward. She's starting her own business, but we kept going over what sector is she going to work in, who are the right clients that she's going to serve. And it was just us dancing around it. And it kept going session over session. And finally, I was like, what the fuck is going on?
We need to just stop and we need to talk about this. What is going on in you that is stopping you from moving forward? And then what we uncovered is that there's a part of her, that thinks that if she works in this one sector, which is very experienced in, then she actually that people are just going to try to shut her down, that she's not really accepted, and that she can't be her big, vibrant, beautiful self, because people don't want that from her. And people want to make her small.
So if she's got that belief system, just running, in her subconscious, whether she knows it or not, that's then going to mean that she can't move forward with the project or with the company that she wants to start. So it's like this pattern, like then it's going to say, like, it's going to keep switching, like, it's going to sabotage in different ways. So then, you know, what we do next is we understand and we look at, okay, where did this part of you come from? Where in your life?
You know, what is it trying to protect? Like it's clear that this is like a real abandonment. You know, an abandonment within like thinking that she can't be big, thinking that she can't be herself. And I think a lot of women experience this as well, where they don't want to be too big. I work with both men and women, but I do see this. And sometimes I see this in men too. They can't really be themselves because they're like, they think that they won't be accepted.
So we have to look at, OK, where is this part of you? What is this coming from? And what is this part trying to protect you from? And most importantly, what does this part need? What does it need from you to help you overcome this? And typically the part just needs love. It typically just needs care and needs to know that you're not going to leave it and you're not going to abandon it.
And so I'm going to give you another example, a personal example, something that I've worked through with my coach and my IFS therapist and... When I, I had a really large sales career before I started my coaching business and I worked at LinkedIn for seven years. And before that I was in IT recruitment and consulting in New York on Wall Street. And in 2020 I left LinkedIn and I was diagnosed with burnout and it was pretty severe.
And my doctor said, you know, if you, if you don't, fix this and if you don't stop working like this is so severe, you might never be able to work again. Like you need to listen to me and you need to like take time off. And so I took a year out of work. I mean, I actually went back to school. I got my master's in creative writing and I wrote a novel. naturally I did that while recovering from burnout. That just kind of sums up my personality, in a nutshell, but.
You know, I took time out and I didn't necessarily, I mean, the creative writing, I thought that was really fun and enjoyable. I didn't really view that as work. I just thought that this was like, yeah, it was actually the most delightful thing I have ever done. It was so, it was an unbelievable process. But somehow there was a part of me that developed during that time that said, okay, if you work really hard, then you're going to get sick.
So. I'm going to put all these protective mechanisms and have all these thought patterns that prevent you from working really hard because I don't want you to get sick. So then what do you think happened when I went to start my business? It was like, I was almost afraid of being too successful. I was afraid of my business getting bigger. I was afraid of working longer hours. I was afraid of even like following up with people. Like I'm a fucking trained sales professional.
And I, it was like, I almost forgot how to sell. Like I forgot all of my skills in this area. And basically what happened is that that part of me, that like really strong salesperson part, this is kind of getting deeper into IFS, but that really strong salesperson part, all the other parts of my system were like, no, you go away, you're bad. You got a six. So you just go in a dark corner. And it was like, I had forgotten all of my sales skills. it was a very bizarre thing.
And then, so what I had to do is I had to actually understand that part. I had to say, okay, I under, and sometimes parts can be like very visual. I've got some very visual parts. So this part was like, he's like this little man and he's in like a shirt. He looks like, I don't know if like Dilbert is a cartoon, but he looks like Dilbert and he's like this little man with this little white shirt and this little white tie. And he's like, okay, I have to keep everything in line.
I don't want you working too hard. You have to do this. You're not going to get sick. And he was like very diligently trying to say, okay, don't get sick. Here's what we're doing. Don't get sick. You can't work too hard. So I had to actually work with that part and say, no, there were multiple reasons why I had burnout. It wasn't necessarily overworked. There was some things going on with my mental health.
There was a whole bunch of reasons that all collided together and we're not going to do this anymore. Like my business is so important to me. Like I understand you. I love you. I hear you, but I'm not going to engage in this behavior before anymore. And so what I had to do to the part is actually be quite directive and say to it, like, it's okay. I understand you, but actually I'm an adult woman. I'm 34 years old. I have my own business. I'm in a really loving relationship. I'm a dog mom.
I'm responsible. Like I got this. And sometimes we actually have to just tell the part directly, you know, it's okay. It's okay. I see that you're hurting. I see that you're trying to protect me, but actually you don't need to do this work anymore. And what I've seen, I mean, it was insane. Like when I actually did that work, my businesses blew up. It was like overnight things just started happening.
Everything started coming together and it was like, okay, this part of me, that part, like this unstoppable. like sales professional just came out again and it was like, yeah, cool. I remember how to do this. All these inquiries started flooding in. My one -on -one practice became filled up. Like it was quite astounding.
And I have seen that time and time again is when people do this work, when they look at the parts of them that are self -sabotaging, that are erupting in anger or erupt, or like they're procrastinating or they're not doing something and they actually look at the part and they understand the part. Absolute transformation can happen and with this method it can actually happen quite quick.
And so It's something that I really love so in summary What you need to really do is just say, okay Are you self -sabotaging is it patterns that keep happening to you? And is there something where you're like not move you have a goal, but you're not moving forward You know that there's a part of you that's holding yourself back and what you actually Can do is look at that part? outside of you, like it is separate to you and just approach it with curiosity and just say, what's going on?
Who are you? Tell me about you. When did you come into being in my life? What happened when you came into being? Why are you here? What do you need to tell me? And then also, what are you trying to protect me from? And that's really huge. because it is trying to protect you from something. So once you understand what are you trying to protect me from, and sometimes the parts, they'll just tell you, like it's a really, it's a very trippy method and you think you're talking to yourself.
And some of my clients are like, this is really fucking weird. And it is really weird, but it's quite radical. And they'll just tell you what they're trying to protect you from. And they'll typically just like be there for you and understand it a bit more. So once you then understand the part, Give it an update on your life and say, you know, I'm actually 34 years old or however old you are.
Tell it your career, your relationship status, if you have children, if you don't have children, and just list off your accomplishments and see what happens to the part. Typically, the part will just feel a huge sense of relief. And then you can be quite directive with the part and say, you don't need to do this anymore. I've got it. I've got it from here. You are good. You've been working really hard. What do you want to do instead? And it's probably pretty fucking tired.
It's probably been working since you were five years old or eight years old. And it's like, I am so tired. All I want to do is go to the beach or read Madame Bovary. I don't know why I just thought about Madame Bovary and Russian literature, but maybe it wants to read Russian literature. Fine. Cool. Let it do that. Maybe it wants to, I don't know, sip a pina colada. I mean, one of my parts was just like, was like, I want to go sip. virgin Pina coladas and Cabo.
And I was like, cool, you go buddy. You fucking you go to Cabo. That's great. So ask it what it wants to do. And instead of protect you. And then it's I mean, I've seen Yeah, it's amazing what can happen in this work. And that's why this is a method that I really believe in because I've seen in my life I've seen in so many of my clients lives. And that's why this is something that I lead with in life and work transformation.
So if you got anything out of this, I would love it if you DMed me, please share this with someone. This is how it will grow. If you see someone self -sabotaging or if you're just like, hey, you know, this chick has something to say and you see it with your friends and you and your friends are into self -development, please share that. I would absolutely love you to do that. And my signature program, the Life and Work Transformation, it is, It is starting again in July, which is so exciting.
Doors have just opened. There's an early bird pricing in May. Come join us. This is for high performers who want to overcome self -doubt, imposter syndrome, who want to live the life of their dreams, but feel like they are holding themselves back. Maybe they're a people pleaser. Maybe they self -sabotage. Everything that we spoke about today, I help people. walk them through how to transcend that.
So I'd love for you to join us if you feel like that's you or if this podcast is spoken to you in any way, then this program is for you. So send me a DM on Instagram or on LinkedIn. I'm at Hannah Mae Kissel on Instagram, -A -E. My website is hannahkissel .com. And yeah, I'd love to hear from you.