Hello party people. This is Hannah Kissel, your host of the Healthy High Performance podcast. And I'm really fucking pumped to be here with you today. I'm going to be talking about something that I have been thinking about for a very long time. And this is the four types of high performers. So if some of you are new here, well, I mean, everyone's new here because this is a new podcast. But some of you are new to my world.
I am a life coach and I really specialize in working with high performing executives and entrepreneurs. And I've been playing around with this thing for a little while now because what I kept seeing was different trends throughout my business. So people would come to me saying the same types of things. And I mean, really also everyone thinks that they are a unique special snowflake and everyone really wants to be unique, special snowflake.
You know, I really want to be a unique, special snowflake myself, but actually we're relatively the same. And I think that that's relatively good, relatively bad. Our struggles are typically the same. And I remember, actually my first AA sponsor years ago, and I was just like, I am never going to get a boyfriend. Like I will never get a boyfriend. I'm going to be single forever. And she was like, Hannah, you're not that special. You are not so special that you won't find a relationship.
And that really stuck with me. And I just think now that when everyone thinks that they're really unique, whether they're in their pain, whether they're in their struggle, and they just think, I really just like to say, you know, you're actually not that special. I would never say that in a one -on -one coaching conversation.
Because a lot of a lot of us do think that we are really unique in our pain in our struggle But from what I've seen and the method that I'm about to speak to you about is that actually?
people go through the same types of things and You know there can be individual approaches, but there can also be very general approaches that do work for a large body of people So I'm going to walk you through my method and it is it's one of the methods that I use And basically this is the four types of high performers.
And so what this is, is this is trends that I see when high performers come to me, whether they're executives, whether they're entrepreneurs and the things that I see in each of the types and also what I do and how I diagnose and how I work with each of these types of high performers. So I'm going to get right into it.
If you... resonate with this if you agree with this if you're like this is me 100 % to a tee or you're like, maybe this is this is not me I have no idea what you're talking about if you have no idea what I'm talking about this podcast probably isn't for you So, you know, you should really just turn it off But if you do resonate DM me I built a my program the life and work transformation, which is my group coaching program I launched again in July. I'm so so fucking excited for it. It is amazing.
I but I really built that program off of the three types of high performers that I'm going to walk you through to get them to the fourth type of high performer, which is the healthy self actualized high performer. So let's just go through it. So the first type of high performer that I see is the exhausted high performer. And this is a high performer that is really on the brink of burnout. So they have achieved a lot. but they've got really all or nothing thinking.
So a big trait of this is catastrophizing. They think that anytime a boss, their boss emails them, they're going to be fired. Or anytime one of their clients sends them an email, they think that they've done something wrong. So they often don't speak up. They are often striving for perfection. That's the main thing. They think that they're failing even when they're consistently getting really strong feedback. And a lot of their belief systems are, I'm not good enough.
No one can do it as good as me. If I don't do it, then no one will. And really in this type with exhausted high performers, there's a lot of people pleasing behaviors. So a lot of saying yes when you don't want to do things, but then also canceling plans at the last minute. I often say that this is like as a joke, like this is the type of person that will have a lot of two -year -old birthday parties to go to that they really don't want to go to.
And they often just find themselves at these parties that they would rather, you know, I don't know, do something very excruciating. I'm just, I just have a lot of gun references, maybe because I'm American. But anyway, they would rather, there are a lot of two -year -old birthday parties they don't want to be. They can be highly reactive. with their emotions.
So again, don't really have a lot of control of their emotions and they typically will get so exhausted and kind of will engage in eating, drinking, shopping to help regulate their emotions. They're often skipping meals, skipping workouts, and then they're really tired. Another trait of this person is like really running from meeting to meeting, place to place, always rushing. One of my clients, it's like a ... gave this great analogy with this type of person.
It's almost like a foosball table for my American listeners. So it's like the little ball in the foosball table that's just kind of being shuffled around and the ball's darting back and forth. And it's like, it's never calm. It's always rushing, but then also it's committing to things, but then canceling because you're exhausted, self -sabotaging. And a really big thing of this as well is not being able to communicate your needs in a relationship because you're actually not aware of your needs.
You're not really in touch with who you are, what you need, and therefore you're almost just like stuffing so much shit into your life, but then feeling really exhausted and resentful. So what I do with this type of high performer is we always start with non -negotiables. And non -negotiables for me, are something that I like to implement in my coaching practice, which is What does your sleep schedule look like? What does your exercise schedule look like? What does your food look like?
Your meal prep? What does your water consumption look like? And we just start really basic. And oftentimes it's like, I'll get these executives or maybe they're running a company or maybe they're just really high -end corporate. And they often forget to feed themselves. Like we start very basic. It's like, okay, are you eating three meals a day?
If they have an assistant or if they have someone helping them, it's like, you need to tell your assistant to bring you lunch every day, or you need to put it in your calendar to actually eat. So setting non -negotiables is really great for this type of high performer. Also, I often find, yeah, they skip, like they sleep is a huge sacrifice to getting their sleep schedule. So if you, if this is you, what I would say, Huh, excuse me.
What I would say, I would edit that out, but this is a new podcast. So I don't even know how to do that yet. So there you go. But yeah, set your non -negotiables. What is your workout routine for the week? Are you consistently working out? If you're not consistently working out, start with one a week. And maybe that one a week is just going for a 20 minute walk. So start really slow here, but definitely, definitely. start with food, start with exercise, start with sleep.
And then we can go into the people pleasing stuff and then you can go into boundaries. But if your basic needs aren't really being met and you feel like you're exhausted, then that is always where to start. Okay, so the type two, I call this the triggered high performer. So this is a high performer with pretty low emotional regulation. And if you don't know what that means, just think about, do you get explosively angry?
when someone, let's say when your partner does something or maybe it's your kid or your dog, are you just like, my God, fuck this. Maybe at work, you have really intense emotions. I've worked with clients who have been, sometimes they'll go into a rage and that it could have really big repercussions in the workplace where they don't actually know what's happening when they're doing it. So. the thought patterns behind this is, you know, they kind of always live in fear of their emotions.
They could experience really intense procrastination or they could experience really intense anger or maybe they shut down emotionally. And they think that, you know, I have this career, but maybe I could lose it or I have this marriage or maybe I could lose it or I can't start a business because my procrastination is too strong or I'm going to get fired because I can't control my anger or. My son's never gonna love me because I can't control my anger. I have too much self -criticism.
So it's almost like this type of high performer really lives in fear. And they think that everyone's gonna find out that they're not good enough. So like really big imposter syndrome runs through this type, really big self -doubt. You might think that, you know, fear of never getting in a relationship or fear that people aren't going to find out that you're not good enough. What if you fail, et cetera.
And so the belief system in this type of high performer is you have to work extremely hard to get results and you need to be in control of everything at all times. And if not, you're failing. But the catch 22 here is that with the triggered high performer, they're usually not in control of their emotions. They have, they don't have control of their emotions. So it's often that they have parts of themselves that really almost hate other parts of themselves.
They could feel like they're at war with themselves. Like I don't like, they say things like, I really don't like this part of me. I wish that this part of me would go away or I hate this part of me. And they're highly irritable. Every little thing sets them off. And so what I really do with this type of high performer is I do internal family systems therapy. Now, if you listen to the self -sabotage episode, I talked a lot about internal family systems therapy.
So it is a psycho spiritual method that I absolutely love. I do it with my therapist. I'm trained on it. And what we do is we work directly with that part of them that they don't have control over. So let's say they have a really angry part or they have a strong procrastination part. We will just work with that part. So they, I almost pretend like, or I ask them to pretend that the part is sitting next to them. And I say things like, What does it feel like? Where do you feel it around your body?
What is it saying to you? What was going on in your life when this part first came into being? Because our parts have histories of their own. So we really want to get to know, get to know this part, get to understand this part, get to know what it's protecting them from. Because typically if you have a part with low emotional regulation, if you have a part that's kind of out of control, It has been there to protect you from something.
So we need to understand why this part is here and what it's protecting them from. Then typically what happens is, and I swear to fucking God, this method is like magical and I don't know even, I understand it because I'm trained in it and I practice it and I do IFS on myself with my therapist, but it is like quite an unbelievable method because typically this stuff goes away. I have had clients who got, would previously get so defensive, have really angry sides of themselves.
And after doing IFS, after understanding the part, the part typically feels like it's neglected. It feels like you're not listening to it. It feels like it has to do this work, even though it doesn't want to. So just by understanding it and by asking it questions, then you can subside it. So whenever I get someone who presents as a triggered high performer, The method that I always go to is internal family systems therapy. All right, so now type three, which is the seeking high performer.
So this is a high performer who really wants clarity on their career, clarity on their purpose. Their values are typically freedom, they're typically health, they wanna be really well connected, and they feel like they're not living a life. that is aligned with their values. They're not living a career that's aligned with their values. Maybe they're in tech, maybe they're in finance or in media.
And they typically have a pretty lucrative salary, maybe even a really cushy job, but they're just not satisfied. And they don't want to, yeah, they wanna really find their purpose. So they usually use the word should a lot, like they guilt themselves into thinking. that they should be doing more or they should have something that aligns with their career or that aligns with their values. They usually question their purpose, why they're here. They want to really be of service.
They want to make a positive impact. I generally find that this group of people, they're very deep thinkers, they're connectors, they're feelers. They usually have a fair bit of self -awareness, but they're still in self -doubt. They really doubt their decisions, their values, and they're seeking approval from others even though they don't really want to.
So they know that they really care about what Sally from the sales team thinks about them, even though they don't really fucking like Sally, but they're still really consumed with what other people think, even though they don't really want to be. And so with this, they really want to live life according to their values. And there's a real fear of failing. of what if I take the next step and I do something and no one buys from me? What if I am broke and have no money?
What if I look stupid in front of my ex colleagues? What will my mom say? Who sent me to college? You know, there's all these like stories in their head, like, la la la la la, like, my God, they can get really worked up in these stories. So there's a real, but underneath that all, there's just a real urge to connect with people. They really crave empowerment and self -actualization.
And there was almost a desire for a transcendence or even enlightenment, but they really feel stuck, but they crave clarity. So with this type of high performer, what I always go into is they want to feel, they want a life and career that's more aligned with their purpose and their values. So typically we start there. We start, I start with, okay, what are your values? And we do very deep values work. And then it's deciding, Where are you not living into your values right now?
And where are you stuck? And let's make then a tactical plan. And then we do some purpose work of like, okay, what is it that you're actually here to do? And sometimes what I found with this is that sometimes people actually don't need to have a career that is fulfilling their purpose.
Like what I have seen a lot is a lot of my clients' purpose can be just to... be healthy and to light up people's lives and to be a loving father or to be there for my family or to be a dog mom or to just live a life full of joy and light and spread that among my friends and my family. And so it's actually not like your purpose. Like, for example, my purpose is to, or my mission of my business is to help high performers relate to the world from a state of wholeness.
I really believe that my purpose is intertwined with my work. but not everyone's has to be. So once we do purpose work sometimes with this type of high performer, what will happen is they'll actually say, you know what? I have a really good life. I have a really good job. I have the flexibility. I can do this with my family. I can do this with my friends and I don't have to work. I don't even really have to work 40 hours a week.
That definitely happens sometimes where people come full circle and they'll say, actually, my setup is really great. So we say, so a big thing for this is values, its purpose, and then it's looking at, okay, what do you want to be known for? And sometimes I'll actually have my clients right there at Eulogy and I'll say, okay, at your funeral, what is it that you want to be said about you?
And that then just helps it shake it up because it's not like, I mean, everyone's heard this, but it's not like, you know, little Ralphie here increased stock. penetrate your stock price by X percentage. No, no one fucking cares about that. Typically, what people want is to be loved, to make a positive contribution. And then we work backwards from there and say, okay, what does that look like in terms of your career? What does that look like in terms of your day to day?
Can you do that in the role that you're in right now or do you need to pivot? And sometimes it's a hard pivot. Sometimes, I mean, I've had clients who are very senior. I had a client who was very senior in finance and she, I mean, right now she's actually traveling through South America. Becca, if you're listening to this, hey. But she's just sending me videos, living her best life, hiking Patagonia. And I'm like, my god, this is fucking amazing. I'm so happy that you did this work.
But with that, sometimes it is a pivot. But then I've had a lot of clients actually say, my role is pretty good. It's pretty cushy. And I can make an impact. And I can be there for my family. So that's the third type of high performer. Now, The fourth type of high performer, and I would say this is actually what this whole podcast is about, which is the healthy high performer or the self -actualized high performer.
So this is really someone that's operating at an extremely high level, but they have high self -esteem, they've got a purposeful career, and they have healthy relationships. And whether that's a romantic partnership or whether that's just healthy relationships in their family, but they've really got all three. And I would say my coaching methodology, like the three areas that I work with are self -esteem, purposeful career, and healthy relationships.
So with that, the healthy high performer, they don't shy away from tough conversations, and they actually enjoy the process because they're very practiced at putting boundaries in. They're very skilled at communicating. They have very strong mind -body connection. In their career, they feel like they're living in purpose.
They have a beautiful relationship with strong communication, a really loving and supportive partner, and they feel like they're paid what they're worth and they're very happy with their current salary or income. And typically their health, not typically always, their health will be well tended to. They don't neglect their non -negotiables, which means that they prioritize rest, working out, eating healthy and sleep. And they just know that they're enough.
And that's the really big thing is like, they know that they are enough no matter what. And it doesn't matter if they're doing really well at work or it doesn't matter what their family says about them or their colleagues say about them. Like they have very high positive self -regard. They have very high self -compassion and they're clear, they're connected, they're compassionate and they're grounded. So any type of work that I do, really is to move with these categories.
So typically people come to me and they're usually in one of the three categories. Sometimes I'll get kind of like a banger situation that's a little bit left to field, which is always fun, but typically they're either an exhausted high performer or triggered high performer or seeking high performer or some amalgamation of each. like I had a client that just signed on with me. He really wants to find purpose and clarity in his career.
So again, that's seeking high performer, but then he finds out like he's really kind of feast or famine at work. Intense behavior is really wants to look at how does he stabilize. So again, that would have the essence of the triggered high performer. And so you could be a combination. It's not your one or the other. And a lot of my clients are combinations of them. But again, I am moving them toward the healthy high performer.
So I'm moving them toward a place where they have high self -esteem, where they feel purpose and clarity in their careers, where their relationships are strong, where they're living their non -negotiables. They're very well connected. They're very grounded within themselves. There was high self -regard, positive self -compassion, et cetera. So everything I do is to move toward that category. And typically, like sometimes I had a client, a really beautiful...
He may be listening to this and he'll know who he is. But in our last session, we both just kind of looked at each other and we were like, I think you're done. I've done all I can. Fly, young grasshopper. And that to me is really amazing because that to me is like, I'm really living my purpose. I know that he's relating to the world from a state of wholeness. I see his beautiful relationship and his family and he's fulfilled at work. And that to me is very special. So... Short and sweet today.
Well, I don't know if this is short and sweet, but I think that as I'm kind of feeling out this podcast, they're likely to be around 15 to 20 minutes. So send me your feedback. Please send me a DM either on Instagram or on LinkedIn. I'd love to hear your thoughts, what you want more of, what you want less of. I mean, if you want less of it, actually don't DM me because I'm here. So I'm going to keep doing my thing.
but I hope that you found some value from this and there is going to be a quiz on my website and it is the health, like are you a healthy high performer? And it's actually a quiz that goes into these categories. So feel free to take that. It is hannahkissle .com and if this is something that you want to work through, this is what I built my course, Life and Work Transformation on.
So everything in the Life and Work Transformation is... to move you toward a feeling of empowerment, of calm, of high self -regards. You have purpose in your career, you have healthy relationships, and you have high self -esteem. So that's my group coaching program. We are launching again July 12th. There is an early bird in May, so reach out. There's probably only a few days left by the time this drops. So yes, let me know how you liked it, and I will speak to you next time.