Can’t we just do couples work? Why do I have to do my own work? If you’ve felt yourself thinking that, then you’re likely avoiding the most important work of healing: understanding yourself. This week Luke welcomes guest Rachel Strong Smith, a fellow coach at Choose Recovery Services, and together they discuss the importance of individual healing as a precursor to healthy relational healing. Learn about the pitfalls of aloofness and enmeshment and discover the power of self-connection. Uncover h...
Nov 28, 2024•24 min
Ever wonder why your partner’s approach feels intense? Join Luke and guest Hali Roderick as they dive deep into understanding why partners react the way that they do. Learn how to foster empathy, regulate emotions, and turn conflict into a pathway for deeper connection and growth. Meet Hali Roderick - Hali is a coach at Choose Recovery Services. She leads a Help.Her.Heal group , is the co-host of the Choosing to Stay podcast, and hosts Road to Recovery , a free, monthly webinar. Chapters 01:13 M...
Nov 21, 2024•29 min
Do you struggle with showing authentic emotions like anger and shame? Join the conversation with Luke and Stephanie Hamby, a fellow coach from Choose Recovery Services as they talk about emotional intelligence and integrity.. Stephanie defines emotional integrity and together she and Luke explore how to identify and name a broad range of emotions, develop emotional intelligence, and align your reactions with your true feelings. Chapters 01:08 Meet Stepanie Hamby 04:04 Emotional Intelligence in E...
Nov 14, 2024•23 min
You’ve heard us talk about intensives, but what exactly are they and how can they help in recovery? Join Luke as he talks with Brandon and Curtis, two men who recently attended the Unmasked Intensive hosted by Choose Recovery Services. Brandon and Curtis explain the benefits that focusing on their healing in an intensive setting with other men in similar circumstances had on their growth and healing. They reveal how their self-discovery work during the intensive sparked profound personal change,...
Nov 08, 2024•27 min
Curious about where to even begin when thinking about full therapeutic disclosures? Luke again joins Amie and Alana on their podcast, Choose To Be , as they discuss the emotional preparation needed for both partners, especially focusing on the betrayer’s steps toward full transparency. Learn how to navigate the complexities of disclosure including the importance of empathy, the role of professionals, how to approach questions, and the value of impact letters. Whether you're the one who betrayed ...
Oct 31, 2024•56 min
This week Luke again joins Amie and Alana on their podcast, Choose To Be , as they explore the fears and barriers of full therapeutic disclosure in relationships. Listen in as they emphasize the importance of a structured disclosure process, the power of letting go of outcomes, and the transformative potential of embracing vulnerability. This episode highlights creating a safe space for healing and how letting go can lead to deeper connection and lasting peace. ***Get our FREE eBook “Is a Full T...
Oct 24, 2024•25 min
Are you curious about whether you're ready for a full therapeutic disclosure? Join Luke, Amie Woosley, and Alana Gordon as they discuss this critical question. They explore the importance of timing, mutual respect, and emotional readiness for both partners. Whether you're the betrayed or the betrayer, this episode offers valuable insights to help you navigate this challenging but potentially transformative process in your healing journey. Watch the episode on YouTube HERE Referenced in this epis...
Oct 17, 2024•51 min
Today Luke again joins Amie Woolsey and Alana Gordon on their podcast, Choose To Be . Together they dive deeper into therapeutic disclosures and address main concerns that often arise when considering them for you and your partner. They delve into various reasons why therapeutic disclosures are crucial, and they explore reasons why a full disclosure might not be appropriate. Referenced in this episode: Listen to Part 1 HERE. Learn more about Amie Woolsey Learn more about Alana Gordon Tune in to ...
Oct 10, 2024•46 min
Listen in on a candid conversation where Luke is interviewed by Alana Gordon, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Together they tackle pressing questions many women have about their partner’s troubling behaviors. Luke provides raw, honest insights into the mind of someone struggling with betraying and addiction. He tackles tough questions about trust, self-worth, and the devastating impacts of compulsive behaviors on relationships. Watch the episode on YouTube HERE Referenced in this episo...
Oct 08, 2024•32 min
In this episode, we introduce a series focused on full therapeutic disclosures. Luke, Amie Woolsey, and Alana Gordon delve into the importance and process of full therapeutic disclosures in therapy. We discuss how Choose Recovery Services sets a higher standard for these disclosures and emphasize their role in rebuilding trust and intimacy in relationships. We guide both betrayed and betraying partners through this challenging yet foundational process, highlighting the need for careful, empathet...
Oct 04, 2024•35 min
Join us in the third and final part of our series on the myths of sexual addiction. Luke, Amie, and Alana continue to explore common misconceptions including pornography use, forgiveness vs trust, and disclosure vs discovery. Tune in for insights crucial to navigating sexual addiction and relational healing. Watch the episode on YouTube HERE Myths we tackle in this episode: 03:38 “I only have a problem if I get caught.” 09:58 “If my partner forgives me then we can go back to the way things were....
Sep 19, 2024•38 min
In part two of this series, Luke continues his conversation with Amie Woolsey and Alana Gordon around sexual addiction myths. They tackle the myth that someone can recover from or control sexual addiction without professional help. They also explore the importance of having a solid support system as well as a growth mindset. Watch the episode on YouTube HERE Listen to learn: The pitfalls that can come when you don’t involve professionals in your recovery What is meant by “recovery capital” What ...
Sep 12, 2024•25 min
Today is the first of a three-part series all about common myths and misconceptions about sexual addiction. Listen in as Luke is a guest on Amie Woolsey and Alana Gordon’s Choose To Be podcast. Together they explore misconceptions about sobriety, the impact of acting-in behaviors, and the complexities of healing for both addicts and betrayed partners. This discussion provides essential information for anyone navigating the challenges of addiction and healing in relationships. Watch the episode o...
Sep 05, 2024•42 min
Ever wonder why you excel in some areas of life but struggle in others? This week Luke explores the science behind habit formation and personal growth. Using vivid analogies from flood irrigation, Walt Disney, and Thomas Edison, Luke reveals powerful insights on rewiring your brain for lasting change. Discover practical strategies for building resilient routines and learn why embracing setbacks might be the key to unlocking your full potential. Watch the episode on YouTube HERE . Takeaways Creat...
Aug 29, 2024•15 min
This week Luke is excited to welcome Gene Huneycutt, a fellow Choose Recovery Services coach, to the podcast. Together they explore the complexities of compulsive behavior and sexual fantasy. Listen in as Gene shares personal stories and encourages you to honor the desires you have by understanding them, connecting them to past trauma when applicable, and then acting from a place of integrity to your values. Watch the episode on YouTube HERE . Chapters 01:07 Introduction of Gene Huneycutt 05:46 ...
Aug 22, 2024•25 min
Do you find yourself sabotaging your relationships despite wanting intimacy? This week Luke welcomes Joseph McKinley, a fellow Choose Recovery Services coach, and together they discuss the topic of intimacy anorexia. Learn what is meant by intimacy anorexia, common signs, root causes, and practical steps to overcome this pattern. This episode is an important listen for anyone seeking to overcome self-imposed barriers to intimacy and to build healthier relationships. Takeaways Intimacy anorexia i...
Aug 08, 2024•24 min
Do you find yourself trapped in all or nothing thought patterns? This week Luke examines black and white thinking and its impact on our relationships. Learn practical strategies to embrace the complexities of life, challenge your thought patterns, and appreciate all of the shades of gray that are found when you are able to free yourself from thinking only in black and white. Takeaways Black and white thinking is a common cognitive distortion. Embracing ambiguity brings benefits like flexibility ...
Aug 01, 2024•13 min
This week Luke welcomes Laura Fisher, a Choose Recovery Services coach, as they explore the intricate dynamics of setting boundaries in relationships. Listen in as Laura shares her powerful fence analogy and explains what boundaries are meant to accomplish in relationships. Find out how to create more safety, rebuild trust, and the importance of consistent, honest behavior in healing partnerships. Learn more about Laura and book a complimentary consultation with her HERE . Takeaways Boundaries p...
Jul 25, 2024•35 min
Ever feel like your emotional reaction doesn’t match the situation you’re in either because you’re panicking and lashing out or because you’re numbing out and shutting down? Join Luke and his guest, Dr. Ramneek Bhogal, as they define what the window of tolerance is and how staying in this window can help you relate to others in the optimal state of emotional availability. Listen to learn how to recognize the different states of emotional arousal and to discover strategies for expanding your wind...
Jul 18, 2024•36 min
Sometimes the way forward involves doing the opposite of what you want to do. Discover how this practice might be the key to breaking free from destructive patterns and embracing lasting change. Learn how chasing fear and leaning into discomfort can accelerate your recovery and personal growth, empowering you to take bold steps towards a healthier, more fulfilling life. Takeaways Change occurs in six stages Doing the opposite of what you think you should do can be transformative. True change beg...
Jul 11, 2024•14 min
Ever wondered when your partner will stop bringing up the same pain? Join Luke and his guest, fellow Choose Recovery Services coach Sy Bee, as they dive into the importance of empathy and getting curious. Learn how to truly be present, stay curious, and foster deep connections with your partner. This episode is a must-listen for those eager to understand and improve their journey in relational healing. Takeaways The CAVR technique is curiosity, acknowledge, validate, reassure. Curiosity is not a...
Jul 04, 2024•30 min
Do you struggle to feel like you’re enough? What does that even mean anyway? This powerful episode features an intimate conversation between Luke and his guest, a man who has walked the path of self-discovery and authenticity. Join them as they reflect on what it means to be enough and how to look beyond external validation to truly embrace your own intrinsic value. Takeaways Seeking external validation and wearing masks can lead to exhaustion and disconnection. Separate your self-worth from you...
Jun 20, 2024•26 min
What can the Seattle Seahawks’ dramatic 2015 Super Bowl loss teach us about our relationship with failure? In this week’s episode, Luke illustrates how professional athletes learn from their mistakes by watching game tape. He extends this concept to our own personal development, emphasizing the need to analyze our actions, understand our failures, and grow from them. Takeaways Lack of willpower is not the real problem - it’s having a messed up relationship with failure. Watch “game tape” and ana...
Jun 13, 2024•10 min
Do you ever feel like your efforts at empathy fall short? Listen in as Luke defines what empathy actually is. Instead of trying to fix someone’s painful emotions, you’ll learn how to be truly present, curious, and connected. This episode will challenge you to reevaluate how you show up for others and help you create real emotional intimacy. Takeaways Empathy is about being present with someone’s emotions. The goal of empathy is connection - making the person feel seen, heard, and validated in th...
Jun 06, 2024•13 min
Betrayal affects your partnership in countless ways, but have you thought about the profound impact on your kids? This powerful episode brings that often overlooked perspective to light through guest Morgan Ellsworth’s personal experience and professional expertise. Morgan is a coach at Choose Recovery Services and is passionate about helping individuals process and heal from betrayal trauma. Morgan provides invaluable insights into creating secure attachments and holding space for children’s em...
May 30, 2024•31 min
It can feel soul-crushing if your partner asks for a separation, but what if it’s actually an opportunity in disguise? This week Luke welcomes Amie Woolsey on the podcast. Amie is a certified betrayal trauma coach with Choose Recovery Services and is a Brainspotting practitioner. She has helped hundreds of people reclaim their lives after abuse, betrayal, and divorce. Listen in as Luke and Amie talk about how couples can use separation as a catalyst for profound individual healing and growth whi...
May 23, 2024•16 min
Have you ever wondered if your parenting approach is actually helping or harming your child’s development? This week Luke outlines four parenting styles and the impact they can have. Learn the worst combination of traits for parents to embody and how “making it about them” can revolutionize your relationships for the better. Takeaways There are four core parenting styles: permissive, firm, hostile, and loving. Healthy boundaries are critical. Small mindset shifts create big impacts in nurturing ...
May 16, 2024•5 min
What is the relationship between pleasure and pain? This week Luke discusses this fascinating correlation specifically in the context of addiction and compulsive behavior. Learn more about how these two emotions can act as opposite ends of a seesaw and how the brain works to balance them out to achieve equilibrium. Takeaways Modern society provides an overabundance of pleasurable stimuli. Pursuing excessive pleasure causes the brain to counterbalance with pain. Pain is not inherently bad and can...
May 09, 2024•16 min
Have you ever wondered why we as humans want to connect with others? In this episode Luke explores the topic of connection and belonging and the role that oxytocin plays in forming and strengthening relationships. Listen in as Luke shares vulnerable stories and insights about moving beyond pornography and other “shortcuts” to find true intimacy through being seen and accepted through authentic connection with others. Takeaways Oxytocin is a hormone that plays a crucial role in bonding Healthy se...
May 03, 2024•15 min
Why is honesty so hard sometimes? In this episode Luke breaks down the four responses to danger and highlights how trauma and attachment issues can lead to freezing and fawning behaviors which in turn further hinders openness and honesty. Takeaways Physiological responses to danger can impact communication and openness. The four trauma responses are fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These trauma responses and coping mechanisms can stem from childhood experiences. Building emotional awareness is c...
May 03, 2024•11 min
