Lately, have you noticed a sense of collective exhaustion, sadness, and impatience? Right now, it may feel like there’s not a lot to celebrate. This is especially true with the holidays coming up, since they're going to look much different than usual this year. With everything going on, you might feel like you want to quit, because what’s the point? If this resonates with you, it may be time for you to take a rest. Tune in to learn what this may look like for you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode ...
Nov 18, 2020•30 min
Have you ever disliked the spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, or date of someone you’re close to? Or wondered what your friend or relative sees in that person? Most of us have been there, struggling to understand how someone we care about can fall for (or even seem bewitched by) someone who we find deeply off-putting. Tune in to learn some important questions to ask yourself when you’re in this situation. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #112: It’s not uncommon to hear someone say that another perso...
Nov 11, 2020•27 min
If you’ve ever gotten into an argument with someone else about the reality of a certain situation, or what “really happened,” this episode is for you. The fact is that your reality is what is true for you in the moment, and someone else having a different reality doesn’t mean that yours, or theirs, is either “correct” or “wrong.” Tune in to learn why it’s okay to disagree about reality, and why (as Terry Real says) there is no place for objective reality in relationships. Biggest Takeaways From ...
Nov 04, 2020•23 min
I’ve definitely felt left out, forgotten, or excluded… and I’m guessing you have, too. This episode, which was inspired by a listener’s question, is about what to do when you feel that way. I’ll do things a little differently this time! Using the question as a foundation, I’ll walk you through the 5-Step Boundary Solution Process. (Follow along with the 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier .) Biggest Takeaways From Episode #110: Trying to figure out the “why” of someone who makes you feel left out...
Oct 21, 2020•40 min
The reality is that we violate other people’s boundaries all the time, and tell ourselves that we have a right to do it. But is that true? Is it ever okay to violate someone else’s boundaries? You may already know the answer as soon as you hear the question, but there are a lot of nuances to this complex topic, so we’ll take a deep dive into it. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #109: If you have an agreement with another person about something that’s usually a boundary, such as an open phone polic...
Oct 14, 2020•30 min
We’ve all been there: you’ve said “yes” to something, and then later changed your mind or realized that it’s not a fit for you. So what do you do? Are you obligated to follow through with your initial answer, or are you allowed to change your mind? (If you’ve read the title of the episode, you already know the answer!) Let’s talk about how to handle this situation, and how to navigate it gracefully. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #108: While this episode was inspired by a question about wedding ...
Oct 07, 2020•12 min
So many people struggle to speak up or make a request to get their needs or wants met, so I tell you all the time that you can ask anyone for anything. But just as you have the freedom to ask, the other person has the freedom to say “no” if they so choose. (They can also say “yes” or negotiate a different agreement with you.) An email I received recently is a perfect example of both this freedom to ask, and the freedom to decline. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #107: It’s better to ask and get a...
Sep 30, 2020•15 min
Have you ever felt disrespected by what someone chose to wear (or not wear) around you, your romantic partner, or other loved ones? And what should you do when someone else’s attire makes you feel uncomfortable? The sometimes-difficult truth is that you don’t control what other people wear, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have any options. Tune in to learn about your choices in this situation, and what’s within your circle of control. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #106: We have complete power o...
Sep 23, 2020•23 min
Almost all of us are struggling with the new landscape of our jobs right now. And in this sudden reality of working from home, it can be a challenge to set healthy work boundaries. Without the separation between home and office, you might be finding yourself working longer hours or feeling like you’re constantly on call. Tune in to learn how to establish healthy work boundaries and avoid letting “quarantine work creep” take over your life. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #105: Get started in mana...
Sep 16, 2020•37 min
If you’ve started using boundaries to try to control other people, congratulations! Your boundary skills are likely improving, and you have some knowledge of boundaries. That’s the good news. Now, the bad news: using boundaries to control isn’t a relational strategy, and leads to a loss of intimacy and connection. Plus, when we use boundaries to control, we miss a great learning opportunity to figure out what’s inside (and what’s outside) of our own circle of control. Biggest Takeaways From Epis...
Sep 02, 2020•35 min
One of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries is that they’re harsh, rigid, or mean, and that they damage intimacy. In fact, boundaries can absolutely be expressed in a gentle way. And that’s exactly what I’m going to talk about in detail today! I’ll share six easy and specific ways that you can express a limit gently. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #103: Sometimes we go from one extreme to another, going from struggling to say “no” to saying “no” frequently or in a way that’s difficult for...
Aug 26, 2020•25 min
Women, do you fully understand the difference between making a request and expressing a desire? The concept of expressing a desire as an alternative to making a request is a relatively new one for me, and I want to explore it with you in depth today. I’ll give you some guidelines and suggestions that will help you understand both and learn to use whichever works best for your situation. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #102: Requests are always questions, and there are three possible responses: ye...
Aug 19, 2020•36 min
Has someone close to you made the decision not to wear a face mask? I experienced this recently, and I know that many of you have faced this issue as well. Today’s episode is dedicated to the topic. To help you understand how you can respond to this situation, I’ll walk you through exactly what I did and said, how it turned out, and the choices you can make when you find yourself in a similar position. And a quick announcement: I’ll be holding another amazing live video call — Clarity Circle — o...
Aug 05, 2020•52 min
I’m so grateful, amazed, and happy to be here releasing episode #100 of the podcast! And I’m truly humbled by some of the responses I’ve received, and the impact this podcast has had on listeners. Let’s celebrate by looking back on how all this came to be, and exploring some powerful concepts around quality over quantity and creating transformation one choice at a time. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #100: This podcast came from a quick decision, and was launched within a couple months. Since th...
Jul 29, 2020•24 min
Can you believe that next week will already be Episode #100? Wow! Stay tuned for something special. But for now, let’s talk about a topic inspired by the listener questions archive. Even if you love to get up close and personal with others, there has probably been a time when you wanted someone to just back off and give you space. And yes, this even applies during the pandemic! Tune in to learn how to navigate this situation and create the space you need. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #99: Both...
Jul 22, 2020•27 min
It’s important to speak your authentic truth, but that doesn’t mean you should do so blindly or recklessly. Today, I want to share seven questions to ask yourself before sharing your authentic truth with someone else to get clarity and ensure that you’re doing it in a relational way. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #98: It isn’t always easy to share our authentic truth. We may not even know what it is, or we may be unwilling to admit to ourselves what it is. Or we may mistake a knee jerk reaction...
Jul 15, 2020•38 min
Last week’s episode was a marathon, so I'm going to balance it out this week with a quick tips episode. This one was inspired by a listener’s question that came from a miscommunication around something I said about children having the right to choose their friends. The miscommunication brings up a broader point about checking things out, which I want to explore as a relational tool. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #97: Young children do not get to decide who their friends are. When I said in a pr...
Jul 08, 2020•14 min
This special episode is a little different than usual! Last week, I did a live call to answer the massive backlog of listener questions from the podcast, and this episode is a recording of that call. If you’ve ever submitted a question, tune in since I might have answered yours directly. And if you haven’t, I’m going over such a broad range of questions that you’ll still find something relevant to you. So settle in with a cup of tea, and enjoy! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #96: There are theme...
Jul 01, 2020•1 hr 29 min
From time to time, everyone struggles with biting the bait. And usually the people we feel most baited by are the people we care about the most. But there’s really no benefit to biting the bait, especially if we want to stay connected. Today, I’ll dig into what exactly bait is, and share 11 ways to avoid biting it. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #95: The dictionary definition of bait causes us to focus on the wrong thing in interpersonal reactions: the other person’s intent. Instead, think of ba...
Jun 24, 2020•34 min
This is a scary time. So many of us are dealing with fear about what’s happening and what may happen, as well as not knowing what’s going to happen or what the future will look like. So let’s talk about something uplifting, forward-thinking, and expansive, that will stretch us beyond our limited mindset, beliefs, or fears. How far can you go? Biggest Takeaways From Episode #94: The future has always been uncertain, but this year has brought that perspective to the front and center. Even though h...
Jun 17, 2020•17 min
Right now, in the United States, trauma is speaking. Prejudice and racism wounds, and are potentially traumatizing to anyone who experiences them. But listening to another person’s trauma is a challenging thing to do, especially if we perceive that we may have played a part in their experience — even when remaining silent or looking away. Let’s talk about how to listen when trauma speaks. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #93: The listening boundary is the most challenging boundary for most of us. ...
Jun 10, 2020•41 min
The title may be wishful thinking, but I want to make a case for it! Boundaries are about protection, and in boundaries terms, wearing a face mask is about protecting other people. I want to dig into this today, and talk about wearing a mask as an act of compassion, courage, honor, strength, and patriotism. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #92: Two factors, among many, that contribute to our COVID-19 death rate in the US are our failed healthcare system and our rugged individualistic mindset. In t...
Jun 03, 2020•20 min
Last week, I had a totally new realization about a new boundaries framework. I stumbled on another way to conceptualize the way we experience boundaries or limits, and that’s what I want to share with you today. This is all about the hierarchy of boundaries, and whether or not boundaries are optional. Do some of us get a pass on boundaries, or get to decide that boundaries don’t apply? Tune in as I talk about anyone is “above the law” as it comes to boundaries. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #91...
May 20, 2020•21 min
How do you stop or change thoughts that harm you? This time of uncertainty, vocational insecurity, job loss, and other upheavals is the perfect opportunity to explore being more aware of our thinking, and how our thoughts impact our emotions (and our lives). Let’s talk about seven ways you can turn around unproductive or harmful thoughts. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #90: Even in the best of times, our thoughts are usually our worst enemy. Your thoughts create your emotions, and negative thoug...
May 13, 2020•32 min
The challenges around structure, limit-setting, and boundaries are continuing throughout the coronavirus situation, so this is another of what I’m calling “The Pandemic Episodes.” What does life look like if it stays the same for many months — or years — to come? When one day blurs into another, it’s so easy to fall into bad habits. Grab a pen and some paper, and get ready for a workshop-inspired episode to help you fix what’s not working in your schedule. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #89: Whe...
May 06, 2020•23 min
I hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy during this pandemic. A few weeks ago, when I did my first episode about COVID-19 , I thought that would be my only episode on the topic. But here I am doing Part 3, because things continue to shift and change. This one will be a bit different than usual, with more of a hodgepodge of random thoughts around the pandemic. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #88: This is a scary time, and a lot of us need comfort during this disorienting experience. Lo...
Apr 29, 2020•40 min
A couple of episodes ago , I talked about how the pandemic is giving all of us a master class in the way boundaries work. Since then, it’s become clear that those weren’t the only lessons we can be learning. Today, I’ll dig into several more lessons we can learn, and talk about how they relate to fundamental principles of personal and relationship boundaries. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #87: If you go down a rabbit hole, it’s easy for fear to get the best of us right now. In general, though, ...
Apr 22, 2020•33 min
During this global pandemic, options for having fun have been whittled away for most of us. This got me to thinking about the intersection of boundaries and fun, and that's what we're going to explore together today! I’ll share five ways to have fun with boundaries, and I hope you’ll come up with your own examples too. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #86: When you learn how personal and relationship boundaries work, they can actually be fun! Expect it to take some time to reach this point, though...
Apr 15, 2020•26 min
I hope you are safe, well, and healthy during these uncertain and frightening times. We’re all making adjustments, but I’m profoundly grateful to have my health and to be here to talk to you today. Instead of sticking with my planned topic, let’s take this time to reflect on five specific lessons of the master class that this virus is giving all of us. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #85: Our personal health impacts the whole. It has never been more obvious than it is now that if you’re not takin...
Apr 08, 2020•28 min
I'll be taking the next few weeks off from the podcast to get moved into my new home — so excited! This is a perfect example of what it looks like to be kind to yourself, which is what this Quick Tips episode is all about. Learn why self-kindness is so important, how you can figure out the best way to be kind to yourself, and what all of this has to do with boundaries. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #84: Most people struggle with being kind to themselves, partly because of a fear of missing out,...
Feb 26, 2020•12 min
