How do you feel about not having clarity or answers, or not knowing what to do next? Most of us (including me!) don’t like the feeling. But as hard as it is, I want to make the case for uncertainty as a distinct state in its own right, with its own unique brand of clarity. Tune in to learn how to accept uncertainty as a predictable — yet frustrating — part of life. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #83: The uncomfortable way that we feel about (and react to) not knowing is related to control. If we...
Feb 19, 2020•21 min
A lot of listener questions I get have embedded expectations in them. And while not all expectations are bad, they can definitely get us into trouble. Valentine’s Day is a great example of this. You may be expecting your partner to give you flowers or show up for you in a certain way, but unless you’ve expressed this to your partner or you're not willing to take action on what you have power over, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and disconnection. Tune in to learn how to manage exp...
Feb 12, 2020•31 min
As surprising as it may sound, you shouldn’t tailor your boundary work to the diagnosis of a loved one. Working with hundreds of women over the years, I’ve found that women tend to be more focused on trying to figure out their loved one's conditions and diagnoses, and that's why I’m dedicating this episode to women. In this episode you'll learn why digging into a loved one’s labels and conditions is ultimately a distraction from boundary work, which always starts and ends with you and your reali...
Feb 05, 2020•17 min
Have you ever considered how your boundaries may impact how successful you are professionally? I’ve always been interested in the intersection of boundaries and business, but I’ve been digging even deeper into the topic recently as I’ve added a few people to my team. Inspired by what I've observed during this process, I'm excited to share today six ways your boundaries make you more successful! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #80: From time to time, reflect on what success means to you. Try to se...
Jan 29, 2020•29 min
There’s a simple reason that this episode on what's in our circle of control is a quick tips episode: our circle of control is pretty tiny! But confusion about what’s inside and outside of that circle is at the heart of many questions I get from listeners so the topic is worth reviewing. Tune in to learn how to stay in your own lane, and what to ask yourself when you're tempted to control. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #79: Our circle of control includes what we have the power to make happen on...
Jan 22, 2020•19 min
When you get triggered, is the person who you got triggered by responsible? And what does this have to do with boundaries? Today’s episode will dig into these important questions. If you’re a long-time listener, you may have guessed that triggers are related to the listening boundary, which is the most difficult of the four primary boundaries. Tune in to learn about triggers, boundaries, and how to respond when you feel triggered. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #78: Triggers are individual and u...
Jan 15, 2020•36 min
There’s nothing wrong with wanting more, as long as what you want more of brings you more happiness, connection, abundance, satisfaction, and love. (Not more drama, pain, or junk food!) But most of us have a habit of saying and doing things that actually accomplish the exact opposite. Today, you’ll learn the secrets to turning that around and responding to situations in a way that gets you more of what you want. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #77: Wanting more of what you want isn’t selfish. The...
Jan 08, 2020•29 min
You’re probably familiar with the idea that it’s better to give than to receive, but is it true? With the holidays coming up soon, it’s time to explore the important topic of balancing giving and receiving. Many of us are hungry to receive attention, compliments, love, and affection, but still struggle with accepting them. Tune into this episode to learn all about achieving balance and receiving graciously! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #76: Giving relates to boundary work because it’s about of...
Dec 11, 2019•32 min
*** Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen .*** Let’s talk about mothers-in-law! Even though boundaries and rules work the same way across all adult relationships, there’s a tendency to forget this with our parents and our in-laws (especially mothers-in-law). That’s why this episode is dedicated to the often-complicated relationship with mothers-in-law. If you’ve ever felt slighted by your mother-in-law or wanted more connection than she seems willing to give...
Dec 04, 2019•23 min
Here in the US, we’re officially in the holiday season! But do you feel like the abundance of opportunities to spend time with people are actually stressful obligations? You may find yourself in a reactive (rather than responsive) mode, or feeling triggered or baited. I’d like to give you eight phrases that you can pull out to help you get through this potentially challenging season. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #74: During the holiday season, it’s easy to end up reacting rather than respondin...
Nov 27, 2019•24 min
As you’ll hear in my voice, I’ve been under the weather lately. This quick tips episode is partially inspired by my recent experiences while sick, when I’ve had plenty of opportunities to say “I can’t.” As you’ll learn today, expressing your “I can’t” is the best choice not only for you, but also everyone who you want to have a close, intimate relationship with. If you’re confused or intrigued by the idea, or struggle with saying “no” or “I can’t,” don’t miss this episode! Biggest Takeaways From...
Nov 20, 2019•12 min
Have you ever thought that boundary work is different with loved ones? If so, this episode is for you! Even in my own family, some people expected family members to do certain things that they would never expect from anyone else, just because we were family. Today’s episode will dig into whether there are different rules for boundaries with family or loved ones than with everyone else. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #72: Some people behave as if being family exempts a person from being kind, tho...
Nov 13, 2019•20 min
While this episode is about men, it’s actually intended for women, and addresses a common dynamic between the genders. I’ll dig into how a common desire among women can come across to men as pressure or control, and cause them to go into their "cave." Tune in to learn why it’s so important to let your man go to his cave when he needs to! And if you’re a LGTBQ+ listener, please reach out to let me know if this dynamic plays out in your relationships! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #71: The man ca...
Nov 06, 2019•36 min
Knowing the two types of self-care and practicing both is good for you and everyone around you! Tune in and learn the two types of self-care, why you may be challenged around meeting your self-care needs and how to hold yourself accountable for practicing good self-care. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #70: There are two types of self-care: self-care needs and self-care wants. We learn about self-care first in our family of origin. If some of our needs were neglected as children, we may struggle ...
Oct 30, 2019•31 min
Have you gotten into a habit of answering questions that haven't even been asked? It's easy to do, especially when you can tell that the other person is feeling insecure, fearful, or potentially angry with you. Tune in and learn how to recognize statements that seem like questions and why you should avoid answering. Plus, tips on how to do that while preserving your energy, minimizing drama, and maintaining connection. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #69: How to recognize a temptation to answer a...
Oct 23, 2019•15 min
Have you ever felt pressured to give to another person — your time, money, or something material? Giving is a boundary issue, and you hold the power to choose to give or to not give. Choosing wisely keeps you resentment free. Tune in and learn how it works! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #68: Giving and receiving come both come from a place of abundance. Skillful gifting comes from a foundation of an abundance of spirit and resources, and good receivers graciously express their appreciation and ...
Oct 16, 2019•23 min
Has anyone ever told you that you were being unreasonable or that you made an unreasonable request? It's a common argument, with a simple resolution. In today's episode Vicki talks about why unreasonable is in the eye of the beholder, and how you can avoid arguing about whether or not something is unreasonable. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #67: What is reasonable is a perception or an opinion. Arguments about what is reasonable or unreasonable tend to arise when someone makes a request or they...
Oct 09, 2019•21 min
Its that time again the first episode of the month, the one that is dedicated to women and boundaries. Are you friends with someone who is draining you? Do they make you tired because they won’t stop talking? Vicki is going to give us some simple strategies to distance yourself to stop the madness. Vicki shares with us the consequences of allowing over-sharers too much of our time, the things you can miss out on and the relief you will feel once you disengage from them. She says when we take car...
Oct 02, 2019•31 min
If you're feeling a bit unclear about whether or not you're giving unsolicited feedback or advice, today's episode is going to give you the clarity you need. Vicki talks about one sure-fire way to know you're not giving unsolicited advice, why you should avoid offering feedback when it's not requested, and how we can fall into the trap of giving feedback when what we really want to do is control another person. Tune in! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #65: Giving unsolicited advice even when you ...
Sep 25, 2019•29 min
Are you feeling pressured to have sex with your partner or spouse? While this is a serious topic that deserves time, the answer is clear and unambiguous. Vicki provides answers for both the one being pressured, and the person pressuring their partner for sex. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #64: No person has a right to another person’s body! Even if sex is a need rather than a want, it doesn’t mean another person must fulfill it for us. Adults are responsible for taking care of their needs. If y...
Sep 18, 2019•12 min
Have you ever felt like you were in a one-sided relationship? This episode was inspired by a listener asking for help with that very issue. Vicki explain how to set boundaries if you feel you're being taken advantage of, and why if you don’t, you may end up feeling angry and resentful. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #63: Healthy relationships feel mutual, even though there may be temporary imbalances in giving and receiving. One-sided relationship usually cause anger, which leads to resentment. ...
Sep 11, 2019•24 min
This first episode of the month is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. We'll talk about over-giving and how it can damage intimacy in relationships between women and men. Vicki gives us 5 ways ways over-giving can damage intimacy. Tune in! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #62: Men and women are totally different animals, so to speak, so it's unhelpful to assume they see the world the same way. Almost 70% of women initiate divorce in heterosexual relationships. Women have a habit of ove...
Sep 04, 2019•29 min
In this episode Vicki talks about why arguing perceptions is almost always a losing battle. Perceptions are just opinions, and everyone has one. When we argue perceptions we forget that everyone has a right to theirs, and that two people can have exactly the same experience and perceive it completely differently. And the worst part is we often lose intimacy with others for the sake of being right, winning an argument, or simply proving out point. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #61: Your opinions...
Aug 28, 2019•32 min
A listener wanted to know if her child has a right to decide who, when, and how she plays with her friends. Vicki answers this question, and offers some great tips on how to handle parents — or even family members — who criticize your child when she wants to set a boundary. If you're a parent or will become one in the future you, this is information about children and boundaries that you need to know. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #60: Children have a right to say no when they are asked to do s...
Aug 21, 2019•15 min
This episode was inspired by another listener's great question on how to avoid getting stuck when you (may) need to make a request. Vicki breaks it down and gives us tips on how to be more specific in our requests and what you say when you want something to stop, or you want a change of behavior from another person. Listen in to hear Vicki’s do’s and don’ts for making requests, tools and strategies for making requests easier, and insight on when the time is right for the best outcome. Biggest Ta...
Aug 14, 2019•32 min
It's time to talk about boundaries and codependency! In today's episode we'll discuss how to recognize codependency, why codependency is a boundary problem, and how to stay on your side of the street. We're all battling codependency to one degree or another, so tune in and find out how codependency stops you from creating the limits you need to create. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #58: How to recognize codependency in your life. Why codependency is a boundary problem. The 5 core issues in code...
Aug 07, 2019•46 min
How do you deal with emotional vampires and boundary-violators in the workplace? Learn what an emotional vampire is, along with tools for responding to their intrusive behaviors. This episode is all about exercising your right to privacy and boundaries while maintaining professional relationships in the workplace. Tune in! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #57: How to deal with people who act victimized by boundaries that you’ve set. Why "shoulding" is a form of manipulation. Learn what emotional v...
Jul 31, 2019•34 min
This episode is a quick bit of boundary truth! A listener wrote in asking about what to do when a very hard boundary comes seemingly out of nowhere. Tune in to learn what to do when you just didn't see that boundary coming, and get a refresher about non-negotiable boundaries. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #56: We discuss what non-negotiable boundaries are and why they present a problem for open communication. Learn the two types of non-negotiable boundaries and why that knowledge directs the re...
Jul 24, 2019•21 min
Have you ever made a commitment to yourself or to someone you care about that you didn’t keep? Have you ever promised yourself you would stop doing something or even treating another person abusively, but you just couldn't stop? Then it may be time for extreme accountability! Listen to learn why it's sometimes necessary to interject some extreme accountability in your life, and stay tuned to the end to hear my extreme accountability commitment to you! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #55: Many tim...
Jul 17, 2019•30 min
Expressing appreciation and gratitude communicates love to the important people in your life. Understanding how your loved ones receive — or want to receive — appreciation requires both a good talking and listening boundary. When is the last time you expressed gratitude for the small things? Are you confused about expressing gratitude for the "basics" in a relationship due to past hurts? Tune in and learn more about expressing appreciation and gratitude. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #54: Expre...
Jun 19, 2019•19 min
