Second Cup: You'll regret it (and that's OK)

swifter decisions. You can check out more about what she does at her website Decide and Move forward dot com. Nell shared some of her favorite decision making tips with me so I could cast them along to the Before Breakfast audience. One of my favorite tips is about regret. She tells me that the decision making business is really the regret minimization business. We are all trying to avoid regret,

but Nell says this is impossible. Almost every big decision comes with regret because you are giving up something you want. Does that sound a bit depressing perhaps, but as Nell tells me, it is actually liberating. If you accepted there was going to be regret either way, which option would you choose? I think this is a wonderfully practical way to frame decisions. Life is never perfect. When we remove one source of stress with a certain decision, we might

then fixate on others. We lament the others, not giving ample credit to the fact that the first is gone. This was beautifully illustrated in Jane Austen's classic novel Sense and Sensibility, when the cad Willoughby expresses his regret to mary Anne that he didn't marry her for love and instead married someone else for money. Mary Anne's wise sister Eleanor points out that Willoughby can focus on his regret about love now because his material needs are amply met.

Had he married differently, he still would have his extravagant tastes, and he'd no doubt start fixating on his regret about all the material things he couldn't have, even if he did have slightly more romantic feelings for this alternate wife. Regret is inevitable, but once you know that, you can also turn down some of the angst on even rather large decisions. Some longtime listeners have heard the story of how I wound up choosing where to go to college

in twenty four hours. I thought I couldn't afford to go to my first two choices where I'd gotten accepted, and then a relative offered to help my family out, which made them more feasible. I was about twenty four hours away from the deadline, so I needed to make a decision between those two schools, and so I did. I think of that massive decision now sometimes because much of my life could be very different if I'd chosen the other place. I don't think it would be better,

because my life is pretty awesome. But whatever I would have chosen in those twenty four hours, I would still be me, and I'm a pretty positive, happy person. So if I had gone to the other school and the details of my life were now different, I would no doubt think that was pretty awesome. Then too. Life will play out as it does, and so it wouldn't have been a huge mistake to choose the other school, just as alternate universe Laura probably wouldn't be thinking she had

made a huge mistake either. There were going to be upsides and downsides both ways. When you realize this, you can just make decisions more practically. Should we buy this house. Well, if you like the house and you have the money, you will probably be quite happy there. But if you don't buy the house. You will no doubt be happy in your current home, or whatever different one you wind up buying. Either way has its advantages, and either way

will have its regrets. Should we go to the beach or to the mountain for our vacation, you will probably make good memories either place. There may be some things you miss out on, but unless you go to the beach during a hurricane or the mountain during an avalanche, neither set of regrets would be particularly more profound than

the other. It's going to be fine either way, So you can choose based on something like whether that resort at the beach is running a sail or whether you went to the mountains last year, or which just sounds like more fun. Regret is inevitable. All decisions involve giving something up, but all decisions can lead to some good things too. There's really no need to worry too much about that. Life will keep playing out as it does except that and you will probably be more satisfied in general.

In the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b the number then Breakfast Pod. You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast.