.9999999999 You don't have to know every single thing. 2 00:00:02,474.9999999999 --> 00:00:06,085 But know what's in your heart, know what you felt you were supposed to do. 3 00:00:06,344.9999999998 --> 00:00:13,14.999 And she made the comment that it took her an entire year of working on that company. Before she told one soul, one human being, she didn't tell her best friends. She didn't tell her parents. She didn't tell her husband. She didn't tell anybody.
.999 Spent an entire year working on that before she had the courage or felt she had enough information to move forward with that company. 9 00:01:34,679.027692308 --> 00:01:37,589.027692308 Hello, everybody. 10 00:01:37,769.027692308 --> 00:01:41,159.02769231 Welcome to this episode of Be the Wolf. 11 00:01:41,169.02769231 --> 00:01:44,659.02669231 I am excited to be here with Terry Tucker. 12 00:01:44,869.02769231 --> 00:01:47,379.02769231 He's the founder of Motivational Check. 13 00:01:47,439.02669231 --> 00:01:49,959.02769231 We're going to talk about something really cool today. 14 00:01:50,199.02769231 --> 00:01:54,729.02669231 We're going to talk about this concept of it just keeps getting bigger. 15 00:01:55,309.02669231 --> 00:01:55,779.02669231 OK. 16 00:01:56,154.02769231 --> 00:02:01,124.02769231 Now, everybody get your mind out of the gutter because that's not what we're talking about. 17 00:02:01,504.02769231 --> 00:02:11,214.02769231 What we're talking about here is something so much more important and it's actually one of the keys to happiness. 18 00:02:11,584.02769231 --> 00:02:19,674.02769231 So if you're feeling a little bit stuck and you're feeling like life is a little like, Oh, I don't know, I'm a little. 19 00:02:20,504.02769231 --> 00:02:22,924.02769231 Not moving forward, not going backwards. 20 00:02:22,924.02769231 --> 00:02:25,214.02769231 I'm sort of in this comfort zone. 21 00:02:25,814.02769231 --> 00:02:42,574.02969231 Well, you're going to want to listen because you're gonna want to do the things to let it keep getting bigger because that is a piece of how we do happiness in the world of the humans. 22 00:02:44,694.02869231 --> 00:02:57,474.02869231 Okay, so before we get started, I would love Terry to introduce himself and tell us what it is that he does, who he serves, all of the things. 23 00:02:57,534.02869231 --> 00:02:59,574.02869231 Are you guys ready, Terry? Take it away. 24 00:02:59,969.02869231 --> 00:03:01,449.02869231 Well, today, thanks for having me on. 25 00:03:01,449.02869231 --> 00:03:02,419.02869231 I really appreciate it. 26 00:03:02,419.02869231 --> 00:03:04,869.02869231 I'm looking forward to talking with you today. 27 00:03:05,189.02869231 --> 00:03:07,109.02869231 Yeah, a little bit about me. 28 00:03:08,219.02869231 --> 00:03:18,899.02769231 You can't tell this from looking at me or from my voice, but I'm six foot eight inches tall, and I actually played college basketball at the Citadel despite having three knee surgeries in high school. 29 00:03:19,129.02869231 --> 00:03:27,289.02769231 Now take all that and fast forward it to 2012 when I find out I have this very rare form of cancer. 30 00:03:27,589.02769231 --> 00:03:33,779.02869231 That has led me to have my leg amputated, my foot amputated, and a bunch of other things that I'm sure we'll get into. 31 00:03:33,879.02869231 --> 00:03:35,929.02869231 But really what I do today. 32 00:03:36,299.02869231 --> 00:03:42,169.02869231 is I help people find and live their uncommon and extraordinary lives. 33 00:03:42,419.02869231 --> 00:03:45,829.02769231 And I think if everybody stays tuned, we'll figure out how we're going to do that. 34 00:03:46,464.02869231 --> 00:03:46,704.02869231 Yes. 35 00:03:48,114.02869231 --> 00:03:48,804.02869231 Well and such. 36 00:03:48,809.02869231 --> 00:03:59,964.02869231 That's a big piece of being the wolf, right? We get to be who we're born to be, and if we were born to be like every single other person. 37 00:04:00,384.02869231 --> 00:04:05,74.02869231 We would look and think and feel just like every single person. 38 00:04:05,724.02869231 --> 00:04:13,534.02769231 And so I, I believe that there isn't an extraordinary and uncommon person within each of us. 39 00:04:13,584.02769231 --> 00:04:15,784.02869231 And it comes out in our inner wolf. 40 00:04:16,94.02769231 --> 00:04:26,939.02869231 So what, can you tell me why it is that you want to help people live these extraordinary uncommon lives? I think it goes back to purpose. 41 00:04:27,319.02869231 --> 00:04:31,9.02869231 And you and I were talking about purpose before we we jumped on here. 42 00:04:31,309.02869231 --> 00:04:36,29.02769231 And I really like the way you have sort of framed purpose in terms of it just continues. 43 00:04:36,859.02869231 --> 00:04:39,609.02869231 to grow and to get bigger as you improve yourself. 44 00:04:39,709.02869231 --> 00:04:41,79.02869231 I've never thought about it that way. 45 00:04:41,149.02869231 --> 00:04:44,959.02869231 I've always thought about it as talking about purpose. 46 00:04:44,999.02869231 --> 00:04:49,549.02869231 We seem to always talk about purpose in the singular, like there is a purpose for us. 47 00:04:49,929.02869231 --> 00:04:59,229.02869231 And what I like to think is, at least for me in my life, there have been purposes, plural, where when I was younger, I was all about basketball. 48 00:04:59,229.02869231 --> 00:04:59,869.02869231 I was an athlete. 49 00:04:59,869.02869231 --> 00:05:03,949.02869231 I started playing basketball when I was nine, played all the way up until I graduated from college. 50 00:05:04,344.02869231 --> 00:05:09,144.02869231 And then as I moved into adulthood, my, my purpose, or I felt my purpose. 51 00:05:09,549.02869231 --> 00:05:11,749.02869231 was to be in law enforcement. 52 00:05:12,239.02869231 --> 00:05:30,179.02869231 And now with my disease and in all honesty, probably coming to the end of my life, I think my purpose has shifted again to putting as much goodness, as much positivity, as much motivation, as much love back into the world as I possibly can with whatever time I have left. 53 00:05:30,189.02869231 --> 00:05:33,369.02869231 So I, those are, that's the way I've looked at it. 54 00:05:33,369.02869231 --> 00:05:37,299.02869231 You look at it a different way, but I think we're both saying the same thing. 55 00:05:37,604.02869231 --> 00:05:49,184.02769231 And I, and I like the way you exponentially grow each other's purpose based on what we learn, what we, what we experience and what we feel basically in our hearts. 56 00:05:49,834.02869231 --> 00:05:54,384.02869231 Yeah, well, it's interesting, too, if we even think about the evolution of a child. 57 00:05:54,744.02869231 --> 00:06:21,564.02869231 A child is Born there that they don't really know that the whole world isn't them yet They don't have any separation and then they start to separate into themselves, which is like the terrible twos and the terrible twos the hard reality is that they're facing is that the whole world doesn't revolve around them. 58 00:06:21,944.02869231 --> 00:06:34,938.92869231 And so it's like we, we section off and then through our teenage and preteen years, we're sort of becoming this singular person, one person, and we're not really. 59 00:06:35,89.02869231 --> 00:06:37,529.02869231 Most of the time thinking about everybody else. 60 00:06:37,529.02869231 --> 00:06:44,709.02869231 I mean, obviously we have some empathy, we have some compassion, but we're not thinking about the bigger world at large. 61 00:06:44,709.02869231 --> 00:06:51,999.02769231 We might, we're concerned about our, our friends, we're concerned about our family, but not so much thinking about the bigger world. 62 00:06:51,999.02769231 --> 00:07:02,179.02869231 And then, you know, you go off to college and you start discovering how like, there's not great things going on in the world and your, your views. 63 00:07:02,409.02869231 --> 00:07:03,469.02869231 expands. 64 00:07:03,849.02869231 --> 00:07:11,249.02869231 And if you keep stepping into new experiences, your view expands further and further and further. 65 00:07:12,159.02869231 --> 00:07:30,49.02769231 And what I've seen over and over with a lot of my guests is there comes this point where what you're what you want to do with your life has less to do with you and more to do with helping others or the world at large. 66 00:07:33,4.02869231 --> 00:07:33,574.02769231 I agree. 67 00:07:33,804.02869231 --> 00:07:36,644.02869231 And I think you make a really good point. 68 00:07:37,154.02769231 --> 00:07:43,74.02869231 And the way I've come to understand it is that, you know, a lot of times people think. 69 00:07:43,504.02869231 --> 00:07:58,104.02769231 They're born empty and that, like you say, once you get out of school and you kind of get in to life, that your job or your purpose seems to fit, seems to be to fill up that emptiness. 70 00:07:58,314.02869231 --> 00:07:59,574.02869231 I want to get a good education. 71 00:07:59,584.02869231 --> 00:08:00,514.02969231 I want to get a good job. 72 00:08:00,524.02869231 --> 00:08:01,694.02869231 I want to make a lot of money. 73 00:08:01,924.02869231 --> 00:08:08,174.02869231 Want to drive a nice car, live in a nice house, have a great family, and we all want to fill ourselves up. 74 00:08:08,564.02869231 --> 00:08:14,4.02769231 And what I've come to understand is that it's not that we're born empty, it's just the opposite. 75 00:08:14,444.02869231 --> 00:08:15,824.02869231 We're born full. 76 00:08:15,924.02769231 --> 00:08:22,944.02769231 We're born with everything we need to be successful, however you define that word, already inside you. 77 00:08:23,364.02769231 --> 00:08:32,414.02869231 And that it should be your job not to fill yourself up, but to empty yourself out, certainly for the betterment of yourself. 78 00:08:32,929.02869231 --> 00:08:51,609.02769231 But also for the betterment of your family, your friends, your community, and things like that, because the people I've seen who spend their whole life getting stuff never seem to be happy because there's always more stuff to get there, there's always one more thing that they want that will make them happy, that will make them fulfill. 79 00:08:51,799.02869231 --> 00:08:53,339.02869231 Whereas the people that say. 80 00:08:53,664.02869231 --> 00:08:55,4.02869231 Okay, I'm going to serve. 81 00:08:55,34.02869231 --> 00:08:58,454.02869231 I'm going to give of myself to other people. 82 00:08:58,734.02869231 --> 00:09:06,614.02869231 Those people seem to always be happy, to always be fulfilled, and to always be growing and developing as a person. 83 00:09:07,449.02869231 --> 00:09:10,684.02869231 Well, it really Definitely comes to this place. 84 00:09:10,734.02869231 --> 00:09:16,994.02869231 I love how you say we are born full and most people think that they're empty. 85 00:09:17,474.02869231 --> 00:09:29,634.02769231 And we have these ideas of what will create success, what will ultimately make our parents proud, what will ultimately. 86 00:09:30,129.02869231 --> 00:09:52,249.02869231 Uh, give us that feeling of being full like this even happens with food, right? You have that feeling of being satiated and full and so many often people are connecting with that sort of emotion of feeling empty and they'll think they're hungry and so maybe they'll eat more. 87 00:09:52,579.02869231 --> 00:10:18,949.02869231 To fill themselves up or maybe they'll work more because if they're more successful, that will fill me up and, you know, as long as you give yourself the space to rest and replenish your nutrients, so to speak, what actually fills you up is connection and giving and helping and all of those things. 88 00:10:18,979.02869231 --> 00:10:20,749.02869231 And so I think. 89 00:10:20,954.02869231 --> 00:10:28,814.02869231 As people grow older, what a big thing that happens is they've tried all the things to fill themselves up. 90 00:10:29,324.02869231 --> 00:10:38,104.02969231 And eventually for a lot of people, they have these like mind shift moments, whether it be a trauma or they get sick or something. 91 00:10:38,474.02769231 --> 00:10:46,24.02869231 And they realize that, Oh, none of this stuff actually fills me up. 92 00:10:46,44.02869231 --> 00:10:48,814.02769231 Once I have my basic needs met. 93 00:10:49,234.02869231 --> 00:11:09,134.02769231 Then I can give to others and it feels so much better and different, but it's very different from I think a lot of people are giving and being of service in order to get some of that stuff back. 94 00:11:10,24.02869231 --> 00:11:11,54.02869231 Yeah, I agree. 95 00:11:11,304.02769231 --> 00:11:17,154.02869231 I'll give you the best definition of success that I've ever heard. 96 00:11:17,154.02869231 --> 00:11:22,734.02869231 I was a big fan of a basketball coach who coached at UCLA by the name of John Wooden. 97 00:11:23,194.02869231 --> 00:11:27,794.02869231 And probably one of the most successful college basketball coaches of all times. 98 00:11:28,94.02869231 --> 00:11:31,264.02869231 But this is how he defined success. 99 00:11:31,724.02869231 --> 00:11:44,564.02869231 He said, success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self satisfaction in knowing that you did the best to become the best that you're capable of becoming. 100 00:11:45,379.02869231 --> 00:11:47,329.02869231 And I think that that's such a great definition. 101 00:11:47,329.02869231 --> 00:11:49,999.02869231 It doesn't say anything about winning. 102 00:11:50,569.02869231 --> 00:11:57,409.02869231 It doesn't say anything about what you get or how much money you make or what position or status that you hold. 103 00:11:57,799.02769231 --> 00:12:06,109.02869231 It's peace of mind in knowing that basically you did whatever you could to become the best person that you're, that you're capable of becoming. 104 00:12:06,359.02869231 --> 00:12:13,899.02869231 I mean, and if you think about kids in school, if somebody works really, really hard and gets a C, say in English. 105 00:12:14,304.02869231 --> 00:12:18,764.02869231 Whereas another person, uh, you know, writing, reading things, it comes very easy. 106 00:12:19,14.02869231 --> 00:12:21,754.02869231 They don't work very hard and get an A. 107 00:12:22,474.02869231 --> 00:12:34,224.02869231 Who's the most successful person there? It's probably the kid that got the C because he or she worked incredibly hard to get that, as opposed to the person, I don't need to, I don't need to study very much. 108 00:12:34,244.02869231 --> 00:12:35,414.02869231 I don't need to do my homework. 109 00:12:35,414.02869231 --> 00:12:38,24.02869231 I don't need, because this stuff comes natural to me. 110 00:12:38,314.02869231 --> 00:12:46,434.02819231 Well, that's not a person who could say it's peace of mind because I did the very best I could possibly do to get the best grade in that class. 111 00:12:46,434.02819231 --> 00:12:49,384.02869231 No, I didn't need to try very hard and I got that, that A. 112 00:12:49,404.02869231 --> 00:12:59,324.02869231 So don't be too concerned with, again, it goes back to, you know, did I get an A? Did I get a B? Did I get a C? No, it's again, going back to something that we haven't talked about yet. 113 00:12:59,634.02869231 --> 00:13:01,234.02869231 It's not the destination. 114 00:13:01,804.02869231 --> 00:13:02,624.02869231 It's the journey. 115 00:13:03,24.02869231 --> 00:13:06,624.02869231 And I think as you say, as people get older, they figure that out. 116 00:13:06,834.02869231 --> 00:13:08,264.02869231 It's not about what I can get. 117 00:13:08,264.02869231 --> 00:13:09,524.02869231 It's not about how much I can get. 118 00:13:09,814.02869231 --> 00:13:12,404.02869231 It's about the relationships I had along the way. 119 00:13:12,564.02869231 --> 00:13:17,984.02769231 It's about the hugs and the jokes and the laughter and the things that we do as human beings. 120 00:13:18,319.02869231 --> 00:13:18,909.02869231 to connect. 121 00:13:19,169.02869231 --> 00:13:25,39.02869231 And I think if COVID taught us anything, it's just how much we need each other. 122 00:13:25,439.02869231 --> 00:13:33,329.02769231 That if you look at when we were isolated, alcoholism rates went up, drug abuse rates went up, domestic violence rates went up. 123 00:13:33,489.02769231 --> 00:13:35,709.02819231 We need each other to be happy. 124 00:13:35,709.02819231 --> 00:13:38,189.02869231 We need each other to be successful in life. 125 00:13:38,409.02869231 --> 00:13:40,359.02869231 And that goes back to what you started at the beginning. 126 00:13:40,509.02869231 --> 00:13:41,529.02869231 It's all about the team. 127 00:13:42,464.02769231 --> 00:13:43,734.02869231 Mm hmm. 128 00:13:44,584.02869231 --> 00:13:45,74.02869231 Yeah. 129 00:13:45,144.02869231 --> 00:13:45,674.02869231 It's. 130 00:13:46,464.02869231 --> 00:13:54,714.02869231 You know, I think about, I go back to my school days, and for me, I had, I mean, high school, I graduated high school with a 4. 131 00:13:54,754.02869231 --> 00:14:00,164.02869231 25, I had like honors and AP classes and all of that, but it was never for me. 132 00:14:00,774.02869231 --> 00:14:08,994.02869231 It was, my ticket out of there, it was, I got validation from teachers. 133 00:14:11,129.02869231 --> 00:14:12,909.02869231 And that's all it really was for me. 134 00:14:12,909.02869231 --> 00:14:18,189.02869231 As long as I did it right, as long as I did it well, then I would be safe enough. 135 00:14:18,189.02869231 --> 00:14:19,309.02869231 I would be okay. 136 00:14:19,309.02869231 --> 00:14:33,884.02869231 And I never had that thing that I think we're talking about when we're talking about this kind of success, where I was legitimately, genuinely proud of myself because I was Never doing it for me. 137 00:14:34,224.02869231 --> 00:14:42,344.02769231 I was doing it to stay safe, to be okay, to not get in trouble, all of these things. 138 00:14:42,634.02869231 --> 00:14:49,334.02869231 And so when we go back to that idea of success, when you're talking about the peace of mind, I think. 139 00:14:50,249.02869231 --> 00:14:52,349.02869231 There's two kinds of pride in this world. 140 00:14:52,349.02869231 --> 00:14:55,959.02869231 There's like, there's pride that's sort of ego based. 141 00:14:55,969.02869231 --> 00:14:57,839.02869231 That's a little, maybe negative. 142 00:14:58,249.02869231 --> 00:15:03,239.02869231 And then there's the kind of pride that's about yourself where you go to bed. 143 00:15:03,559.02869231 --> 00:15:05,309.02769231 It is that self satisfaction. 144 00:15:05,309.02869231 --> 00:15:07,189.02769231 You know, that you did your best. 145 00:15:07,499.02869231 --> 00:15:11,59.02869231 You tried hard, you gave yourself the space you needed. 146 00:15:11,59.02869231 --> 00:15:18,479.02869231 If you had to stop and you pushed your edges, you did all of that things so that you grew and expanded. 147 00:15:19,579.02869231 --> 00:15:28,459.02869231 And that place of really being proud of yourself that I think really fits with that idea of success that you're talking about. 148 00:15:29,579.02869231 --> 00:15:31,459.02869231 Yeah, I would absolutely agree. 149 00:15:31,719.02869231 --> 00:15:34,79.02869231 Again, you know, it's not about the grade. 150 00:15:34,909.02869231 --> 00:15:36,689.02869231 It's about what I did to get the grade. 151 00:15:36,729.02869231 --> 00:15:38,169.02869231 It's about, it's about the journey. 152 00:15:38,179.02869231 --> 00:15:47,809.02869231 Did I work hard? Am I a better person today? And, and that's something I, I don't figuratively do this, but every day you should take stock of yourself. 153 00:15:47,899.02869231 --> 00:16:10,329.02769231 Am I a better human being today? That I was yesterday and what caused me to do that and how can I replicate that tomorrow so that I'm a better human being the next day and I think so many people don't do that so many so many people get to a point in their lives and they just sort of quit or give up or get comfortable and and we know this you never grow. 154 00:16:10,659.02869231 --> 00:16:13,439.02869231 In a state of comfort, you have to step out. 155 00:16:13,439.02869231 --> 00:16:21,389.02869231 So outside those comfort zones, one of the jobs that I had in my life was I was a girl's high school basketball coach when we lived in Texas. 156 00:16:21,569.02869231 --> 00:16:24,69.02869231 And I used to constantly, my players would probably tell you this. 157 00:16:24,69.02869231 --> 00:16:27,19.02869231 If you, if you pulled them, he used to always tell us. 158 00:16:27,659.02869231 --> 00:16:31,979.02869231 You need to become comfortable with being uncomfortable because that's the only way you grow. 159 00:16:31,989.02869231 --> 00:16:33,139.02869231 That's the only way you improve. 160 00:16:33,289.02869231 --> 00:16:34,619.02869231 That's the only way you get better. 161 00:16:35,69.02869231 --> 00:16:39,579.02869231 But doing that, it is so counterintuitive to the way our brains are wired. 162 00:16:39,689.02869231 --> 00:16:44,189.0276923 Our brains are wired to avoid pain and discomfort and to see pleasure. 163 00:16:44,654.0286923 --> 00:16:50,784.0286923 So by, by doing uncomfortable things, you grow, but it's also, you also callous your mind. 164 00:16:50,794.0286923 --> 00:16:56,574.0286923 You also get your mind to a point where it doesn't fear hard things. 165 00:16:56,824.0286923 --> 00:16:59,744.0286923 It accepts them to make you grow as a human being. 166 00:17:00,709.0286923 --> 00:17:07,69.0286923 And one of the things like I love working with entrepreneurs because you're forced to step out of your comfort zone all the time. 167 00:17:07,319.0286923 --> 00:17:13,849.0286923 You have to keep growing because your business is a reflection of you and your business will stagnate if you stagnate. 168 00:17:14,149.0286923 --> 00:17:21,24.0286923 But one of the pieces is that You know, getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. 169 00:17:21,274.0286923 --> 00:17:34,194.0286923 What it really boils down to is this place that deep down, you have this belief that, Hey, I really do have everything I need within me. 170 00:17:34,424.0276923 --> 00:17:36,754.0286923 I really am capable of. 171 00:17:37,69.0286923 --> 00:17:38,409.0286923 taking the next step. 172 00:17:38,619.0286923 --> 00:17:46,999.0286923 I might not be capable of taking the step that I'm going to need to take 15 steps from now, but, but I'll be capable when I'm there. 173 00:17:46,999.0286923 --> 00:17:48,769.0286923 But right now I can take one step. 174 00:17:49,159.0286923 --> 00:17:52,889.0286923 And so really trusting yourself. 175 00:17:53,389.0286923 --> 00:18:17,269.0286923 and trusting that you do have the capability and you do have the know how to take the next step because I think what happens so often when we stay in that comfort zone, the reason we don't step out of the comfort zone is because There's the little voice in our head saying, I don't know, maybe it's not such a good idea. 176 00:18:17,529.0286923 --> 00:18:25,879.0276923 And that little voice, because you've been staying comfortable, has not been, it doesn't trust that you can take the next step. 177 00:18:26,559.0286923 --> 00:18:32,219.0276923 And so there's this inner lack of trust that develops over time. 178 00:18:33,149.0286923 --> 00:18:58,659.0286923 I think that's such a big piece that people are struggling with when they're trying to step forward into create stepping into bigger things is they're listening to that little voice because they have not made it a habit to keep strapping into the uncomfortable zone, improving to themselves and their subconscious mind and, and every, every other part of them that. 179 00:18:59,149.0286923 --> 00:19:01,849.0286923 Hey, you are capable of taking the next step. 180 00:19:02,744.0286923 --> 00:19:03,694.0286923 You're, you're absolutely right. 181 00:19:03,884.0276923 --> 00:19:06,154.0281923 And sometimes that voice is not just inside. 182 00:19:06,154.0281923 --> 00:19:06,254.0276923 It's. 183 00:19:06,704.0286923 --> 00:19:14,824.0286923 It's from people who reportedly love you, your, your, your parents or, or your, your significant other or your kids or something like that. 184 00:19:15,294.0276923 --> 00:19:19,484.0276923 I, I was listening to an interview by a man by the name of Jesse Itzler. 185 00:19:19,794.0276923 --> 00:19:26,674.0286923 Now, Jesse's married to a woman by the name of Sarah Blakely, who started Spanx, which is a woman's undergarment. 186 00:19:27,59.0286923 --> 00:19:38,139.0286923 Company and she was, he was talking about how when she started Spanx, he said if she would have waited, and I think this is another problem with people, people wait till everything is perfect. 187 00:19:38,389.0286923 --> 00:19:39,299.0286923 Everything is in order. 188 00:19:39,319.0286923 --> 00:19:40,789.0286923 I've got everything lined up. 189 00:19:40,969.0286923 --> 00:19:44,739.0276923 That was never going to happen in anything you do in life. 190 00:19:44,739.0276923 --> 00:19:46,339.0276923 I'm going to wait till everything's there. 191 00:19:46,409.0276923 --> 00:19:47,949.0276923 There's no such thing as a perfect job. 192 00:19:47,949.0276923 --> 00:19:50,569.0276923 There's no such thing as a perfect relationship or a marriage. 193 00:19:50,924.0286923 --> 00:19:51,754.0286923 or anything like that. 194 00:19:51,894.0286923 --> 00:19:53,724.0286923 You, you have to just jump in. 195 00:19:53,854.0286923 --> 00:19:56,834.0286923 He made the comment that if, if Sarah Blakely would have waited. 196 00:19:57,289.0286923 --> 00:20:17,579.0276923 To start Spanx until everything was in line, he said, I guarantee you somebody else would have started it, would have started that concept and run with it and taken that company off, he said she jumped in with both feet, understanding that I don't, I don't know, I don't, I don't have all the answers here, but like you say, you know, maybe I'm, I'm good at marketing. 197 00:20:17,589.0276923 --> 00:20:18,759.0276923 Maybe I'm good at sales. 198 00:20:18,829.0276923 --> 00:20:22,389.0286923 She was selling fax machines before she started Spanx. 199 00:20:22,654.0286923 --> 00:20:23,854.0286923 And thanks machines. 200 00:20:23,854.0286923 --> 00:20:25,244.0286923 I don't think even exist anymore. 201 00:20:25,419.0286923 --> 00:20:32,29.0286923 Thank goodness she started Spanx because she wouldn't have a business anymore if she was selling fax machines. 202 00:20:32,604.0286923 --> 00:20:35,124.0286923 But what she said was I knew sales. 203 00:20:35,334.0286923 --> 00:20:37,714.0286923 I didn't know finance. 204 00:20:37,744.0276923 --> 00:20:39,314.0276923 I didn't know operations. 205 00:20:39,314.0286923 --> 00:20:40,304.0276923 I didn't know those things. 206 00:20:40,524.0286923 --> 00:20:41,214.0276923 And that's okay. 207 00:20:41,214.0286923 --> 00:20:42,354.0276923 You don't have to. 208 00:20:42,474.0286923 --> 00:20:50,764.0286923 You can always find people that are experts in those particular fields and plug them in as you move along in your job. 209 00:20:50,884.0286923 --> 00:20:51,794.0286923 And that's fine. 210 00:20:52,24.0286923 --> 00:20:54,164.0286923 You don't have to know every single thing. 211 00:20:54,499.0286923 --> 00:20:58,109.0286923 But know what's in your heart, know what you felt you were supposed to do. 212 00:20:58,369.0286923 --> 00:21:05,39.0276923 And she made the comment that it took her an entire year of working on that company. 213 00:21:05,404.0286923 --> 00:21:09,574.0286923 Before she told one soul, one human being, she didn't tell her best friends. 214 00:21:09,584.0286923 --> 00:21:10,544.0286923 She didn't tell her parents. 215 00:21:10,734.0286923 --> 00:21:11,654.0286923 She didn't tell her husband. 216 00:21:11,744.0286923 --> 00:21:12,784.0286923 She didn't tell anybody. 217 00:21:13,614.0286923 --> 00:21:20,834.0276923 Spent an entire year working on that before she had the courage or felt she had enough information to move forward with that company. 218 00:21:21,444.0286923 --> 00:21:43,354.0286923 Well, and I love that she probably did this so that she wouldn't have to listen to everybody else's ears in her or everybody else's voices in her ears because, when people are talking about, oh, I don't know, like, of course, when I jumped in to start this business, my family was like, Are you sure? Well, you could always go back to doing the other thing. 219 00:21:43,354.0286923 --> 00:21:46,664.1286923 And, And, you know, and it's, uh, it's been messy. 220 00:21:46,754.1286923 --> 00:21:48,4.1286923 I mean, and that's the thing. 221 00:21:48,4.1286923 --> 00:21:53,604.1286923 And when you talk about that idea of waiting until it's perfect, if you wait till it's perfect. 222 00:21:54,284.1286923 --> 00:21:55,624.1286923 You're not growing. 223 00:21:55,834.1286923 --> 00:22:05,154.1281923 So if you're not going to grow, then the odds of you having deep success is pretty slim. 224 00:22:05,154.1281923 --> 00:22:11,674.1276923 You will create maybe some success that's sort of equal to what you've had in your life up to this point. 225 00:22:12,84.1286923 --> 00:22:18,554.1286923 But unless you're willing to get a little messy and I know for those perfectionists out there, it's not. 226 00:22:18,889.1286923 --> 00:22:19,579.1286923 comfortable. 227 00:22:20,29.1286923 --> 00:22:32,839.1286923 But you're not gonna have something bigger and greater than what you already have because if you wait till it's perfect, then you're still, you're staying inside that boundary and you're not letting the thing get bigger. 228 00:22:34,504.1286923 --> 00:22:34,764.1286923 Yeah. 229 00:22:34,874.1286923 --> 00:22:41,834.1286923 And, and being, being comfortable enough with yourself, with your ability, with who you are. 230 00:22:42,244.1286923 --> 00:22:45,74.1286923 To say that I'm going, it's okay to fail. 231 00:22:45,954.1286923 --> 00:22:52,544.1286923 I remember the, the, the quote from Nelson Mandela, the former president of South Africa, who said, I never lose. 232 00:22:52,864.1286923 --> 00:22:54,844.1286923 I either win or I learn. 233 00:22:55,344.1286923 --> 00:23:00,14.1276923 And I think today so many people feel that failure is a negative word. 234 00:23:00,634.1276923 --> 00:23:05,394.1286923 And, and it's, it's not the road to success is paved with failure. 235 00:23:06,49.1286923 --> 00:23:07,119.1286923 And that's okay. 236 00:23:07,299.1286923 --> 00:23:16,179.1286923 I guarantee you if we looked at a, an athlete or, or a performer or a doctor or a lawyer or a business person and say, boy, that person made it. 237 00:23:16,179.1286923 --> 00:23:17,299.1286923 They're successful. 238 00:23:17,489.1286923 --> 00:23:24,49.1276923 I guarantee you if you sat them down and said, what were your failures? They'd be able to list those things off one right after the other. 239 00:23:24,189.1276923 --> 00:23:26,859.1276923 Because again, you grow when you fail. 240 00:23:26,959.1276923 --> 00:23:31,339.1286923 As long as you learn that, that's, that's what people don't understand. 241 00:23:31,589.1286923 --> 00:23:32,739.1276923 Did you learn something? Yeah. 242 00:23:33,139.1286923 --> 00:23:34,489.1286923 Yeah, I learned something. 243 00:23:34,559.1286923 --> 00:23:42,179.1286923 Well, can you apply that to either improving your business or starting another business or going to another company? Whatever that ends up being. 244 00:23:42,429.1286923 --> 00:23:46,19.1276923 Sure you can, but we think that somehow, oh, we fail. 245 00:23:46,59.1286923 --> 00:23:47,389.1286923 People look at me different. 246 00:23:47,459.1286923 --> 00:23:51,294.1286923 Why do you care what people think? People are on their own journey. 247 00:23:51,294.1286923 --> 00:23:53,804.1286923 You're on your journey, be on your journey. 248 00:23:53,814.1286923 --> 00:23:55,954.1286923 And don't worry about what other people think about you. 249 00:23:56,84.1286923 --> 00:24:01,824.1286923 Don't worry about what somebody said on social media, or they didn't like the way your hair looked or didn't like the way you were aware of what you were wearing. 250 00:24:02,164.1276923 --> 00:24:13,784.1286923 Who cares why you let those people rent space in your head? and the thing is that's so important to know is when you're worried about that, all you're doing is focusing on how empty you are. 251 00:24:14,164.1286923 --> 00:24:21,984.1276923 So go circling that right back and the people that are talking shit about you, they're focused on how empty they are. 252 00:24:21,984.1276923 --> 00:24:23,984.1286923 So they got to try and make you empty. 253 00:24:24,214.1286923 --> 00:24:26,34.1286923 And so that idea. 254 00:24:27,394.1286923 --> 00:24:28,334.1286923 Keep going. 255 00:24:28,344.1286923 --> 00:24:34,454.1286923 Try not to listen, trying to not let it get to you because it creates this feeling like I'm lacking something. 256 00:24:34,684.1276923 --> 00:24:36,324.1286923 I'm lacking the capability. 257 00:24:36,324.1286923 --> 00:24:37,774.1286923 I'm lacking the know how. 258 00:24:37,774.1286923 --> 00:24:39,94.1276923 I don't know how to do it. 259 00:24:39,104.1276923 --> 00:24:41,854.1276923 What do I do next? I'm missing something. 260 00:24:42,144.1276923 --> 00:24:45,944.1286923 So that feeling of empty, that feeling of lacking is going to get to you. 261 00:24:46,129.1286923 --> 00:24:48,729.1286923 It's going to sabotage you every time. 262 00:24:49,109.1286923 --> 00:24:54,389.1286923 So I want to dive into your personal story because you have a really big profound story. 263 00:24:54,699.1286923 --> 00:25:02,529.1286923 But before that I want, I would love for you to tell everybody how they can get in touch with you, how they can work with you, what are the things. 264 00:25:02,769.1276923 --> 00:25:11,279.1286923 And, and also if you're listening, you definitely want to hang on because we're going to share the four truths a little bit later that you're going to want to hear. 265 00:25:12,314.1276923 --> 00:25:12,564.1276923 Sure. 266 00:25:12,594.1286923 --> 00:25:17,884.1286923 So the easiest way to get in touch with me is I have a blog called motivational check. 267 00:25:18,204.1286923 --> 00:25:20,444.1286923 Every day I put up a thought for the day on Mondays. 268 00:25:20,444.1286923 --> 00:25:23,74.1286923 I put up the Monday morning motivational message. 269 00:25:23,174.1286923 --> 00:25:27,354.1286923 I books, recommendations, recommendations for books to read videos to watch. 270 00:25:27,634.1286923 --> 00:25:29,44.1286923 You can leave me a message. 271 00:25:29,84.1276923 --> 00:25:31,584.1276923 That's all at motivational check. 272 00:25:32,84.1286923 --> 00:25:32,374.1286923 com. 273 00:25:32,929.1286923 --> 00:25:39,379.1286923 Yeah, so type open, type open, open up the browsers, type in motivationalcheck. 274 00:25:39,409.1286923 --> 00:25:39,819.1286923 com. 275 00:25:39,829.1286923 --> 00:25:43,709.1286923 There's no weird spelling, so it's easy, motivationalcheck. 276 00:25:43,749.1286923 --> 00:25:44,199.1286923 com. 277 00:25:44,709.1286923 --> 00:25:54,179.1286923 And you know, we all, we're so used to scrolling social media and sometimes the good is mixed with the bad and it takes you up, it takes you down. 278 00:25:54,499.1286923 --> 00:25:56,459.1286923 So sometimes it's nice to really like. 279 00:25:56,879.1286923 --> 00:26:08,239.1276923 Open something and focus on something that's all positive, all motivational, keeps you moving forward and not tapping into that feeling of empty. 280 00:26:10,584.1286923 --> 00:26:28,314.1286923 So now you started off, you went to basketball, you went, had a scholarship, right? You did scholarship for basketball in college, but you want, you didn't want to go to college technically in the beginning back then, is that correct? No, I didn't. 281 00:26:28,354.1286923 --> 00:26:29,564.1286923 I didn't want to go to college. 282 00:26:29,584.1276923 --> 00:26:32,364.1286923 I just wanted to pursue a different path when I. 283 00:26:32,764.1286923 --> 00:26:41,394.1286923 When I graduated from college, a path that was different from my father's, And, and your father wanted you to do what? my father wanted me to go in business. 284 00:26:41,394.1286923 --> 00:26:47,134.1286923 He wanted me to get a business degree, graduate, go into business, get married, have 2. 285 00:26:47,134.2286923 --> 00:26:48,704.1286923 4 kids and live happily ever after that. 286 00:26:48,704.1286923 --> 00:26:51,584.1276923 That was my dad's utopia of what he wanted for me. 287 00:26:52,429.1286923 --> 00:26:59,964.1286923 And what did you want to do? I wanted to follow in my grandfather's footsteps of being a police officer. 288 00:27:01,629.1286923 --> 00:27:05,714.1286923 And your dad didn't like that, did he? No, he absolutely did not. 289 00:27:05,724.1286923 --> 00:27:07,634.1286923 And I can understand why he did. 290 00:27:07,644.1286923 --> 00:27:13,324.1276923 My grandfather was a Chicago police officer from 1924 to 1954. 291 00:27:13,594.1286923 --> 00:27:20,844.1286923 So he was in Chicago during Prohibition when alcohol was outlawed in the United States during the Great Depression in the late 1920s, early 1930s. 292 00:27:21,594.1286923 --> 00:27:29,444.1286923 And when the gangs, Al Capone and those guys, were shooting up the town, My grandfather was actually shot in the line of duty with his own gun. 293 00:27:29,444.1286923 --> 00:27:30,514.1286923 It was not a serious injury. 294 00:27:30,514.1286923 --> 00:27:40,674.1286923 He was shot in the ankle, but my dad, who was an infant, always remembered the stories that my grandmother told of that knock on the door of, this is Tucker, grab your son, come with us. 295 00:27:40,774.1286923 --> 00:27:42,24.1276923 Your husband's been shot. 296 00:27:42,24.1286923 --> 00:27:47,154.1286923 So when I expressed an interest in following my grandfather's footsteps, my father was absolutely not. 297 00:27:47,154.1286923 --> 00:27:48,554.1286923 You're going, you're going to college. 298 00:27:48,644.1286923 --> 00:27:49,784.1286923 You're going to get into business. 299 00:27:50,509.1286923 --> 00:27:52,209.1286923 So you did all of that. 300 00:27:52,829.1286923 --> 00:27:57,49.1286923 And then tell, tell, tell me what happened next in your career path. 301 00:27:57,914.1286923 --> 00:27:59,354.1286923 Yeah, so I did that. 302 00:27:59,354.1286923 --> 00:28:02,674.1286923 And so I graduated from college and my father is dying of cancer. 303 00:28:02,914.1286923 --> 00:28:08,114.1276923 So I have a choice to make probably the really first big choice I had to make in my life. 304 00:28:08,114.1286923 --> 00:28:10,704.1286923 I could have said, Sorry, dad, I know you're dying. 305 00:28:11,54.1286923 --> 00:28:12,964.1286923 But I'm going to go blaze my own trail. 306 00:28:12,984.1286923 --> 00:28:18,934.1286923 I'm going to go into law enforcement or out of love and respect for you, I will do what you want me to do. 307 00:28:19,284.1286923 --> 00:28:27,474.1286923 So if you look at my resume, my first two jobs My first job was in the marketing department at the corporate headquarters of Wendy's International, the hamburger chain. 308 00:28:27,814.1286923 --> 00:28:31,174.1286923 And my second job was a hospital administrator. 309 00:28:31,654.1286923 --> 00:28:34,224.1286923 And I sort of joke, I did what every good son did. 310 00:28:34,224.1286923 --> 00:28:39,124.1286923 I waited till my father passed away and then I followed my own dreams, which I did. 311 00:28:39,124.1286923 --> 00:28:45,694.1286923 I became a 37 year old rookie police officer, which by most accounts is pretty late. 312 00:28:46,69.1286923 --> 00:28:47,529.1286923 To be getting into that line of work. 313 00:28:48,389.1286923 --> 00:28:56,439.1276923 Well, it's so interesting too, because, we have people have all their judgments like, oh, well, you shouldn't care what your parents think. 314 00:28:56,439.1276923 --> 00:28:59,579.1276923 And, and you, you should just do what you want. 315 00:28:59,889.1276923 --> 00:29:01,579.1276923 And then there's the other side of it. 316 00:29:01,579.1276923 --> 00:29:03,89.1276923 Like, Oh, well I waited. 317 00:29:03,99.1276923 --> 00:29:05,979.1276923 It was important for me to honor my family. 318 00:29:06,9.1276923 --> 00:29:09,639.1266923 That was something that was important for me, the team of my family. 319 00:29:10,219.1276923 --> 00:29:16,199.1276923 and, but then a lot of times people will get a little older and they have an opportunity and they're like, I'm too old. 320 00:29:16,209.1286923 --> 00:29:19,219.1276923 I'm not going to follow my dream. 321 00:29:19,219.1276923 --> 00:29:21,449.1276923 This path I've chosen is safe. 322 00:29:21,449.1276923 --> 00:29:22,719.1276923 It's comfortable. 323 00:29:23,529.1286923 --> 00:29:26,19.1286923 It's not getting any bigger. 324 00:29:27,209.1286923 --> 00:29:28,49.1286923 Yeah, you're right. 325 00:29:28,329.1286923 --> 00:29:35,69.1286923 And that's, I guess if I'm proud of myself for anything, it's never letting that dream die. 326 00:29:35,599.1286923 --> 00:29:49,559.1286923 Despite the fact that I knew I wasn't doing, I wasn't living my purpose when I was in business and when I was in hospital administration, I knew there was always something nagging at me, something like, yeah, okay, you're learning a lot. 327 00:29:49,559.1286923 --> 00:29:50,989.1286923 You're meeting a lot of great people. 328 00:29:51,294.1286923 --> 00:29:53,414.1286923 But it's not what you're supposed to do. 329 00:29:53,774.1286923 --> 00:29:54,314.1286923 And you're right. 330 00:29:54,314.1286923 --> 00:30:00,564.1286923 I think so many people get to a point in their lives, whether it's in their, their thirties or their forties or their fifties or what, and they quit. 331 00:30:00,594.1286923 --> 00:30:01,244.1276923 They just give up. 332 00:30:01,254.1286923 --> 00:30:04,914.1286923 It's like, I'm, it's good enough and there's nothing wrong with that. 333 00:30:04,954.1286923 --> 00:30:05,684.1276923 That's fine. 334 00:30:06,224.1286923 --> 00:30:11,94.1286923 But I always, I always use the story of Colonel Sanders who started Kentucky Fried Chicken. 335 00:30:11,554.1286923 --> 00:30:15,764.1286923 Colonel Sanders started that franchise after he retired. 336 00:30:15,824.1286923 --> 00:30:19,14.1286923 He was in his sixties before he started Kentucky Fried Chicken. 337 00:30:19,134.1286923 --> 00:30:20,874.1276923 And I don't know if that was his purpose in life. 338 00:30:20,874.1286923 --> 00:30:22,674.1286923 I'm going to assume that it was. 339 00:30:23,149.1286923 --> 00:30:33,179.1286923 But think about how, how many people out there that started things later in life, whether it was painting or whatever you ended up doing that became very successful at it. 340 00:30:33,279.1286923 --> 00:30:36,799.1276923 If they would have just stepped back and said, good where I am right now. 341 00:30:36,909.1276923 --> 00:30:38,59.1286923 Don't, don't rock the boat. 342 00:30:38,69.1276923 --> 00:30:38,989.1276923 Just leave me alone. 343 00:30:39,9.1286923 --> 00:30:39,409.1286923 I'm fine. 344 00:30:39,579.1276923 --> 00:30:42,254.0286923 And like I said, if that's what you want to do, that's fine. 345 00:30:42,584.1286923 --> 00:30:44,444.1286923 That's not what I felt I want to do. 346 00:30:44,444.1286923 --> 00:30:53,174.1286923 I always felt that there was this dream and someday I didn't know when someday I was going to make it to that dream, or at least I was going to give that dream a shot. 347 00:30:53,174.1286923 --> 00:31:01,24.1286923 And, and I'll be honest with you as a 37 year old rookie police officer, I took a whole lot more time at all than my counterparts in the police academy. 348 00:31:01,879.1286923 --> 00:31:02,679.1286923 probably. 349 00:31:02,679.1286923 --> 00:31:03,599.1286923 I can imagine. 350 00:31:03,599.1286923 --> 00:31:14,299.1286923 So the other piece, too, that I really think about is You ended up becoming a SWAT team negotiator, a hostage negotiator. 351 00:31:14,569.1286923 --> 00:31:23,699.1276923 Now, this is something I've been curious since we talked about your experience leading up to going into the police force. 352 00:31:24,29.1286923 --> 00:31:56,129.1286923 Do you think that that served you? In the career that you had in the police force, did it help you with the hostage negotiations? Did it help you to maybe move up the rank, so to speak, a little bit faster than maybe some of your younger counterparts? What did, what did it feel? What was it for you? How was it for you bringing that experience into your dream profession? Absolutely. 353 00:31:56,129.1286923 --> 00:32:04,89.1286923 I look back on I don't regret ever going into business and doing those things because it allowed me to talk to people. 354 00:32:04,159.1276923 --> 00:32:09,389.1286923 And I know going into law enforcement today is not something that's on most people's mind. 355 00:32:09,389.1286923 --> 00:32:11,399.1281923 It's not something they have interest in doing. 356 00:32:11,399.1281923 --> 00:32:15,529.1286923 But every now and then somebody will reach out to me and say, I'd like to get into this line of work. 357 00:32:15,559.1286923 --> 00:32:32,459.1286923 What do you recommend? And the one thing I always tell them is Put down your devices and go out into the street and talk to the homeless person and go up to the penthouse and talk to that person because if you can talk to people in law enforcement, you'll be successful at it. 358 00:32:32,559.1276923 --> 00:32:42,999.1286923 If you can't, if the only way you can communicate is by tapping numbers on a screen, you'll be miserable at that job because one of the things that makes you a good cop is to be curious. 359 00:32:43,234.1286923 --> 00:32:44,674.1286923 is to ask questions. 360 00:32:44,804.1286923 --> 00:32:46,564.1286923 Why did that happen? Well, wait a minute. 361 00:32:46,574.1286923 --> 00:32:47,394.1286923 You told me this. 362 00:32:47,514.1286923 --> 00:32:50,994.1286923 How did that go? And if you can do that, you can solve crimes. 363 00:32:50,994.1286923 --> 00:32:55,904.1286923 You, you can, you can figure out who's telling you the truth because in law enforcement, everybody lies to you. 364 00:32:56,784.1286923 --> 00:32:59,109.1286923 You can figure out Oh, I've lied to you. 365 00:33:01,204.1286923 --> 00:33:06,364.1286923 But if you can't talk to people, that's a job where you're going to be incredibly frustrated. 366 00:33:08,789.1286923 --> 00:33:19,209.1276923 Yeah, so one thing that I see over and over is people will take these paths that are quote the wrong path. 367 00:33:19,974.1286923 --> 00:33:28,574.1286923 But what they don't realize is they gain so much, and they learn so much along the way. 368 00:33:28,584.1276923 --> 00:33:38,124.1276923 One job that I did for a very long time is I was a bartender, and I was always so curious as to why people would act one way when they're sober, another way when they're drunk. 369 00:33:38,334.1286923 --> 00:33:43,94.1286923 Why they would say one thing when they're sober, and do something different when they're drunk. 370 00:33:43,94.1286923 --> 00:33:52,514.1286923 And what I've learned is it's It's because alcohol, like I'll get a little science and techie for just a second, is alcohol dumbs down your default mode network. 371 00:33:52,784.1286923 --> 00:33:58,514.1286923 So the critical factor that sort of keeps you in check is not there. 372 00:33:58,544.1286923 --> 00:34:03,174.1286923 So what's going on in your subconscious mind actually comes out to play. 373 00:34:03,664.1286923 --> 00:34:11,324.1286923 And I work a lot with the subconscious mind and the subconscious mind is what gets in our way Consciously, we want to do things. 374 00:34:11,324.1286923 --> 00:34:12,84.1286923 We're motivated. 375 00:34:12,404.1286923 --> 00:34:24,844.1286923 We're doing all these things But as soon as we're tired depleted sick stressed out all of that stuff and the subconscious mind will take over And we end up doing these things that we're not necessarily proud of. 376 00:34:24,894.1286923 --> 00:34:36,294.1286923 Going back to that, being proud of yourself and, with a piece of that is getting the subconscious mind and the and the conscious mind to work together. 377 00:34:36,749.1286923 --> 00:34:40,609.1286923 And now it's funny, if I have drinks, I'm totally exactly the same. 378 00:34:40,819.1286923 --> 00:34:52,9.1276923 I used to be more friendly when I would drink because subconsciously I always felt scared to connect and use my voice and have feelings and all of those things. 379 00:34:52,259.1276923 --> 00:34:59,359.1286923 So when I would get drunk, I would, that part of me that I had been hiding because it wasn't safe would come out. 380 00:34:59,639.1286923 --> 00:35:13,769.1276923 And for, you know, in general, that was a pretty, that was a pretty good drunk, right? Who cares if you're a little friendly and nicer if you're sober? I mean, if you're been drinking, but for a lot of people, it's the opposite. 381 00:35:13,819.1286923 --> 00:35:18,929.1286923 So they'll, they're, they'll get a little drunk, a little tipsy. 382 00:35:19,264.1286923 --> 00:35:28,754.1291923 Or they'll be tired and depleted, and they'll treat people terribly, or they'll lash out, or things that, they're not so proud of. 383 00:35:29,194.1291923 --> 00:35:32,714.1291923 But one of those things, too, it's like those pieces. 384 00:35:32,954.1291923 --> 00:35:48,964.1291923 Circling back, all those experiences we had at other jobs build on top of each other to really create more of our purpose and allow us to fulfill more of the things. 385 00:35:48,994.1291923 --> 00:35:58,524.1291923 I love for you specifically how you had the You, in the beginning, it was so much about the team. 386 00:35:58,534.1291923 --> 00:36:03,974.1291923 You did team sports and you learned and you grew so much by supporting the team. 387 00:36:04,484.1281923 --> 00:36:12,44.1291923 And when your father wanted you to go to college, you supported the team of your family by doing that. 388 00:36:12,564.1281923 --> 00:36:18,364.1291923 And then you move into police work and you're supporting the community. 389 00:36:18,594.1291923 --> 00:36:23,194.1291923 And obviously your brothers and sisters in the uniform as well. 390 00:36:23,644.1291923 --> 00:36:24,184.1291923 And. 391 00:36:24,469.1291923 --> 00:36:28,49.1291923 Then what happens next in your life? Tell us. 392 00:36:29,589.1291923 --> 00:36:29,909.1291923 Yeah. 393 00:36:30,489.1291923 --> 00:36:40,449.1291923 Basically what I've been dealing with for the last 11 and a half years now is I have a, I have a callus break open on the bottom of my foot, right below my third toe. 394 00:36:40,769.1291923 --> 00:36:44,179.1291923 And I was a basketball coach as well at this time. 395 00:36:44,599.1291923 --> 00:36:47,269.1291923 And I didn't think much of it because as a coach, you're on your feet a lot. 396 00:36:47,269.1291923 --> 00:36:50,969.1281923 But after a few weeks of it, not healing it, I made an appointment and went to see. 397 00:36:51,284.1291923 --> 00:36:57,814.1291923 a podiatrist, a foot doctor friend of mine, and he took an x ray and he said, Terry, I think you have a little cyst in there and I can cut it out. 398 00:36:58,24.1291923 --> 00:36:58,614.1291923 And he did. 399 00:36:58,844.1291923 --> 00:36:59,574.1291923 And he showed it to me. 400 00:36:59,574.1291923 --> 00:37:02,204.1281923 It's just a little gelatin sack with some white fat in it. 401 00:37:02,204.1281923 --> 00:37:05,804.1291923 No dark spots, no blood, nothing that gave either one of us concern. 402 00:37:05,824.1281923 --> 00:37:11,594.1291923 But fortunately, or unfortunately, he sent it off to pathology to have it looked at. 403 00:37:11,634.1291923 --> 00:37:16,694.1291923 And then two weeks later, I get the call from him that so many of us dread in life. 404 00:37:17,414.1291923 --> 00:37:27,744.1291923 And as I said, he was a friend of mine, and the more difficulty he was having explaining what was going on, the more frightened I was becoming, until finally he just laid it out for me. 405 00:37:27,744.1291923 --> 00:37:31,344.1281923 He said, Terry, I've been a doctor for 25 years. 406 00:37:31,654.1291923 --> 00:37:35,944.1291923 I have never seen the cancer, the form of cancer that you have. 407 00:37:35,944.1291923 --> 00:37:40,994.1291923 You have this incredibly rare form of melanoma that appears on the bottom of the feed. 408 00:37:41,204.1291923 --> 00:37:50,984.1281923 or the palms of the hands, and that has basically consumed my life and the life of my family for the last, as I said, 11 and a half years. 409 00:37:51,999.1291923 --> 00:38:01,699.1281923 So what I really love, though, is you, even through all of this, you are still leaning into finding a way to give back. 410 00:38:03,244.1291923 --> 00:38:08,444.1291923 Yeah, I think that was something, in all honesty, I learned from my father when my father was dying. 411 00:38:08,829.1291923 --> 00:38:09,639.1291923 Of cancer. 412 00:38:10,589.1291923 --> 00:38:17,429.1291923 He had end stage breast cancer back in the 1980s and they really didn't know how to treat a man with breast cancer back then. 413 00:38:17,429.1291923 --> 00:38:22,879.1291923 So they told him to go home and die, and he basically lived another three and a half years. 414 00:38:22,969.1291923 --> 00:38:24,919.1291923 And I believe the reason he did. 415 00:38:25,244.1291923 --> 00:38:26,904.1291923 was because he had a purpose. 416 00:38:26,904.1291923 --> 00:38:31,184.1291923 He was in real estate and he actually worked up till two weeks before he died. 417 00:38:31,624.1291923 --> 00:38:37,484.1291923 And I sort of tucked that in the back of my mind and said, well, when it's my turn, sort of in the barrel, I'm gonna have that. 418 00:38:37,634.1291923 --> 00:38:50,294.1291923 I'm gonna have to have a purpose because if you don't have a purpose, you just sit around and think about how horrible your plight is and how terrible this disease is and how it makes you feel and how it's affecting your family. 419 00:38:50,544.1291923 --> 00:38:52,394.1291923 You have to have a purpose. 420 00:38:52,809.1291923 --> 00:39:01,639.1281923 And for me, like I said, that purpose has been to put as much goodness, positivity, motivation, no matter how I feel, and I am, I still have tumors in my lungs. 421 00:39:01,639.1291923 --> 00:39:05,499.1286923 I'm treated every three weeks for an entire week at the hospital. 422 00:39:05,499.1286923 --> 00:39:10,89.1286923 I've just come off a week of treatment and I have two weeks off before I go back. 423 00:39:10,89.1286923 --> 00:39:16,919.1291923 And my wife and I occasionally have a disagreement about how I should handle this because she's like, your blood counts are low. 424 00:39:16,919.1291923 --> 00:39:17,899.1291923 You need to rest. 425 00:39:17,899.1291923 --> 00:39:18,719.1291923 You need to relax. 426 00:39:19,229.1291923 --> 00:39:29,439.1291923 And I always tell her, I'll get plenty of rest when I'm dead, these podcasts, interacting with people like you and your audience that energizes me, that gives me a purpose. 427 00:39:29,619.1291923 --> 00:39:31,599.1291923 And that allows me to continue to move forward. 428 00:39:32,849.1281923 --> 00:39:47,124.1281923 And one of the things that What I talked earlier in the very beginning about one of the keys to happiness is as human beings we have to be happy, we have to have a problem to solve. 429 00:39:47,954.1291923 --> 00:39:54,744.1281923 It is our human nature that if we don't have a problem to solve, we will make up problems. 430 00:39:54,974.1291923 --> 00:39:58,494.1291923 We will decide that our house isn't good enough. 431 00:39:58,694.1291923 --> 00:40:00,84.1291923 Our car isn't good enough. 432 00:40:00,84.1291923 --> 00:40:02,454.1291923 We're going back to that empty feeling all over again. 433 00:40:02,634.1291923 --> 00:40:05,864.1281923 So, this thing of having a purpose. 434 00:40:06,249.1291923 --> 00:40:14,699.1291923 When you have a purpose, it's got to be something that's bigger than you, bigger than your family, bigger than your community. 435 00:40:14,709.1281923 --> 00:40:17,709.1281923 It has to be a problem that can never be solved. 436 00:40:18,269.1291923 --> 00:40:21,174.1291923 And This is important. 437 00:40:21,184.1291923 --> 00:40:31,384.1291923 It has to be positively motivated because a lot of times, Oh, I want to save the world or save all the children from hunger. 438 00:40:31,764.1291923 --> 00:40:38,754.1291923 Well, when you do, when you say I'm saving children from hunger, I'm, I'm keeping people from starving. 439 00:40:38,764.1291923 --> 00:40:41,774.1291923 Your mind sees an image of a starving child. 440 00:40:42,364.1291923 --> 00:40:47,134.1291923 And when your mind sees an image of something negative, that's what it's going to try and create. 441 00:40:47,664.1291923 --> 00:40:51,574.1291923 That's that empty feeling, right? The empty feeling is the child starving. 442 00:40:51,744.1291923 --> 00:41:00,84.1291923 So if your purpose then becomes every child is well fed, the image that just popped in your mind is totally different. 443 00:41:00,234.1291923 --> 00:41:06,684.1291923 And your motivation and the way you feel about going after that purpose is totally different. 444 00:41:06,954.1281923 --> 00:41:13,174.1291923 And that's the kind of purpose that energizes you when you're thinking about the children starving. 445 00:41:13,174.2291923 --> 00:41:13,254.0291923 Thank you. 446 00:41:14,494.1291923 --> 00:41:25,984.1291923 It depletes your energy because it makes you feel empty, but when you think about the children well fed and how healthy they look, that motivates you in a totally different way. 447 00:41:26,434.1291923 --> 00:41:31,224.1281923 Now, you have four truths that you use to keep yourself on track. 448 00:41:32,549.1291923 --> 00:41:33,49.1291923 I do. 449 00:41:33,79.1281923 --> 00:41:35,459.1291923 I, I, I, you know, I call them my fortunes. 450 00:41:35,689.1281923 --> 00:41:36,509.1291923 They're not mine. 451 00:41:36,509.1301923 --> 00:41:37,409.1291923 I don't own them. 452 00:41:37,409.1291923 --> 00:41:38,529.1286923 I don't have them copyrighted. 453 00:41:38,529.1286923 --> 00:41:38,894.0291923 I don't. 454 00:41:39,204.1291923 --> 00:41:40,904.1291923 I don't think you can do that with the truth. 455 00:41:40,904.1291923 --> 00:41:43,294.1291923 I think a truth is eternal, but I'll give them to you. 456 00:41:43,294.1291923 --> 00:41:47,284.1286923 I actually haven't, I haven't written, written them on a posted note right here in my office. 457 00:41:47,284.1286923 --> 00:41:49,424.1291923 So I see them multiple times during the day. 458 00:41:49,634.1291923 --> 00:41:53,594.1291923 They constantly get reinforced in my mind and they're just one sentence each. 459 00:41:53,614.1281923 --> 00:41:54,224.1281923 So I'll give them to you. 460 00:41:54,254.1291923 --> 00:41:56,344.1291923 Here's the first one, control your mind. 461 00:41:56,789.1291923 --> 00:41:59,99.1291923 or your mind is going to control you. 462 00:41:59,599.1291923 --> 00:42:04,899.1291923 Secondly, embrace the pain and the difficulty that we all experience in life. 463 00:42:05,239.1291923 --> 00:42:10,489.1281923 And use that pain and difficulty to make you stronger and more resilient. 464 00:42:10,839.1291923 --> 00:42:16,309.1291923 The third one is, I guess I kind of look at it as a, as a legacy type of truth. 465 00:42:16,419.1291923 --> 00:42:17,319.1291923 And it's this. 466 00:42:17,624.1291923 --> 00:42:23,294.1291923 What you leave behind is what you weave in the hearts of other people. 467 00:42:23,664.1291923 --> 00:42:26,284.1291923 And then the fourth one I think is pretty self explanatory. 468 00:42:26,584.1291923 --> 00:42:30,154.1281923 As long as you don't quit, you can never be defeated. 469 00:42:30,444.1291923 --> 00:42:34,534.1291923 And I look at those four truths, I call them sort of the bedrock of my soul. 470 00:42:34,734.1291923 --> 00:42:39,394.1281923 I think they're just a good place to try to build a quality life off of. 471 00:42:39,944.1291923 --> 00:42:43,244.1291923 Yeah, let's go through them again one more, one at a time. 472 00:42:43,674.1291923 --> 00:42:47,4.1291923 And, um, I think I have some nuggets to drop in there. 473 00:42:47,4.1291923 --> 00:42:48,294.1291923 So tell me the first one. 474 00:42:48,744.1281923 --> 00:42:52,614.1291923 Control your mind, or your mind is going to control you. 475 00:42:53,424.1291923 --> 00:43:02,729.1291923 So remember earlier when I said Your brain needs a problem to solve, and if you don't have a problem to solve, it's gonna find one. 476 00:43:03,119.1291923 --> 00:43:06,79.1291923 That is a perfect example of that. 477 00:43:06,89.1291923 --> 00:43:13,229.1291923 It's going to find, like, when life is good, eventually you're gonna find something that's not good about it. 478 00:43:13,519.1291923 --> 00:43:16,309.1291923 Unless you have something that you're focused on. 479 00:43:16,309.1291923 --> 00:43:18,959.1291923 And that's a big piece of controlling your mind. 480 00:43:19,429.1291923 --> 00:43:33,759.1281923 Um, what's the next one, The next one is embrace the pain and the difficulty that we all experience in life and use that pain and difficulty to make you a stronger and more resilient individual. 481 00:43:34,229.1291923 --> 00:43:39,399.1291923 right? And that goes back to what we talked about in the beginning, pushing outside the comfort zone. 482 00:43:39,689.1291923 --> 00:43:50,559.1291923 And the more you keep doing that, the stronger you get, the more you know deep within your soul that you can handle the next step, whatever it is. 483 00:43:50,869.1291923 --> 00:43:51,269.1291923 All right. 484 00:43:52,229.1281923 --> 00:44:05,189.1291923 There's a quote by Ernest Hemingway that I like, it just popped into my head when you were talking and it goes, Life breaks everyone and afterwards, many are stronger at the broken places. 485 00:44:06,159.1291923 --> 00:44:15,629.1291923 It's like the, Japanese pottery thing where they use the gold to fill in the cracks and those parts of the pottery. 486 00:44:15,669.1291923 --> 00:44:16,749.1291923 I forget what it's called. 487 00:44:16,749.1291923 --> 00:44:20,119.1291923 and those parts of the pottery become much stronger. 488 00:44:20,229.1301923 --> 00:44:24,269.1301923 Okay, what was number three? Number three is, is the legacy type of truth. 489 00:44:24,269.1301923 --> 00:44:30,979.1301923 It says it's what you leave behind is what you weave in the hearts of other people. 490 00:44:31,579.1301923 --> 00:44:45,839.1301923 Yeah, and I think we all just have, once we are out of pain, once we feel safe, once we feel good, there is this natural desire, I see it with the work that I do with people, to leave the world a better place somehow. 491 00:44:46,199.1291923 --> 00:45:18,499.1301923 And, and every You don't have to do something big huge thing like saying hello to people on the street and Smiling can be such a powerful and profound thing I have a neighbor that's so sweet says hello to everybody this in New York City and she has had so many people come up to her and say I literally walked down the street and on days when I'm not feeling that great, just in the hopes that you'll say hello and smile because it makes a difference in my life. 492 00:45:18,869.1301923 --> 00:45:21,99.1301923 So your legacy can be really big. 493 00:45:21,99.1301923 --> 00:45:24,369.1301923 It can be really small, but it all makes a difference. 494 00:45:24,814.1301923 --> 00:45:25,869.1301923 It, it really does. 495 00:45:25,874.1301923 --> 00:45:32,939.1301923 I, I, funny story, I had a, I had blood work taken every week before I start my treatment and I, I was there early in the morning. 496 00:45:32,939.1301923 --> 00:45:35,99.1301923 It was six o'clock in the morning and the receptionist. 497 00:45:35,409.1301923 --> 00:45:42,819.1301923 Comes in and, and I said, Hey, how you doing? How was your weekend? What did you do? Anything? And she said to me, she said, you know, you are always so nice. 498 00:45:42,819.1301923 --> 00:45:44,679.1301923 You are always so kind to me. 499 00:45:45,29.1301923 --> 00:45:52,859.1301923 And I said, well, why do you find that strange? And she said, because so many people come in here and, and they're mean, and they're gruff. 500 00:45:53,179.1301923 --> 00:45:54,689.1301923 And they don't treat me very nice. 501 00:45:54,969.1301923 --> 00:45:59,689.1301923 And I asked her, I said, do you, do you know why they, they're doing that? She's like, well, I don't know. 502 00:45:59,689.1301923 --> 00:46:01,89.1301923 And she, she's fairly young. 503 00:46:01,89.1301923 --> 00:46:02,599.1301923 I said, because they're scared. 504 00:46:02,609.1301923 --> 00:46:03,199.1301923 They're nervous. 505 00:46:03,199.1301923 --> 00:46:06,749.1291923 They're anxious about what they're going to find out when they get their blood results. 506 00:46:06,969.1301923 --> 00:46:08,469.1301923 And what their doctor's going to tell them. 507 00:46:08,689.1301923 --> 00:46:17,959.1301923 I said, what a tremendous opportunity you have to put some kindness, to put some positivity, to put some love back into their life. 508 00:46:18,304.1301923 --> 00:46:22,194.1301923 When they're probably having a horrible day just by how you interact with them. 509 00:46:22,424.1301923 --> 00:46:24,764.1301923 Don't feel like they're taking it out on you. 510 00:46:24,914.1301923 --> 00:46:29,54.1301923 Again, what you can get, what can you give? I can give kindness. 511 00:46:29,54.1301923 --> 00:46:29,934.1301923 I can give a smile. 512 00:46:29,934.1301923 --> 00:46:38,634.1301923 I can say, hey, how you doing? How's your week going? Whatever you feel is appropriate at the time, but make a positive dent in their life. 513 00:46:39,349.1301923 --> 00:47:07,639.1301923 Yeah, and it's it's not always so easy when you're constantly around people like I feel for feel bad for people that work at the DMV and some of like the cable company, right? Because every cable company is the worst, like, and so when you deal with people day in and day out that are angry, that are upset, and, and just remembering that it's not about you, it's about what's going on within them. 514 00:47:07,984.1301923 --> 00:47:12,474.1301923 So what was the last one, The last one is as long as you don't quit. 515 00:47:12,944.1301923 --> 00:47:14,704.1301923 You can never be defeated. 516 00:47:15,44.1301923 --> 00:47:17,964.1301923 And I think that's pretty self explanatory as long as you don't give up. 517 00:47:17,964.1301923 --> 00:47:21,344.1301923 As long as you keep trying, whether you make it or not. 518 00:47:21,344.1301923 --> 00:47:23,4.1301923 And again, it goes back to what we were talking about. 519 00:47:23,224.1301923 --> 00:47:24,974.1291923 It's not the destination. 520 00:47:25,134.1301923 --> 00:47:25,914.1291923 It's the journey. 521 00:47:26,544.1301923 --> 00:47:28,54.1301923 right? Exactly. 522 00:47:28,314.1301923 --> 00:47:35,404.1291923 Oh, that's a beautiful place to wrap it up, but I do want to ask you one more question. 523 00:47:35,564.1301923 --> 00:47:35,854.1301923 Sure. 524 00:47:36,134.1291923 --> 00:47:54,524.1301923 Um, Now, if you go back to, can you think of a point where you didn't have the positive outlook in your life? I think just not being very mature when I was in high school, I had three knee surgeries in high school and I was. 525 00:47:54,884.1301923 --> 00:47:56,694.1301923 I was absolutely my worst enemy. 526 00:47:56,694.1301923 --> 00:47:57,854.1301923 I was in my head. 527 00:47:57,874.1301923 --> 00:47:59,74.1301923 I was in my way. 528 00:47:59,264.1301923 --> 00:48:00,814.1301923 So yeah, I can, I can think of that. 529 00:48:01,194.1291923 --> 00:48:01,644.1291923 Okay. 530 00:48:01,654.1301923 --> 00:48:16,514.1301923 So what did that young man need to know to flip the script on his mindset, what he was thinking? I'll answer that with a story, if I may. 531 00:48:16,514.1301923 --> 00:48:26,794.1301923 I had a nurse recently ask me what it was like to have my foot amputated in 2018 and my leg amputated in the middle of the COVID pandemic in 2020. 532 00:48:27,134.1301923 --> 00:48:29,464.1301923 And I told her, it certainly hasn't been easy. 533 00:48:29,714.1301923 --> 00:48:32,214.1301923 I'm six foot eight inches tall, learning how to walk again. 534 00:48:32,394.1301923 --> 00:48:34,314.1301923 Falling is not an option from this height. 535 00:48:34,334.1301923 --> 00:48:35,774.1301923 People get hurt, so that's not good. 536 00:48:36,404.1301923 --> 00:48:44,4.1301923 But what I told her was cancer can take all my physical faculties, but cancer can't touch my heart. 537 00:48:44,224.1301923 --> 00:48:47,64.1301923 Cancer can't touch my mind and cancer can't touch my soul. 538 00:48:47,354.1301923 --> 00:48:48,164.1301923 And that's who I am. 539 00:48:48,194.1301923 --> 00:48:48,884.1301923 That's who you are. 540 00:48:48,884.1301923 --> 00:48:50,394.1301923 That's what everybody's listening to us. 541 00:48:50,484.1301923 --> 00:48:55,334.1296923 And we spend all this time and I'm not saying you shouldn't, you know, working on our bodies. 542 00:48:55,334.1296923 --> 00:48:59,544.1291923 We've got to exercise and eat right and reduce stress and get enough sleep. 543 00:48:59,644.1291923 --> 00:49:01,464.1291923 And you absolutely should do that. 544 00:49:01,994.1301923 --> 00:49:11,684.1301923 But what I am suggesting is maybe every day, spend a little more time working on who you really are, which is your heart, your mind, and your soul. 545 00:49:11,794.1291923 --> 00:49:13,4.1301923 This body is going to die. 546 00:49:13,44.1291923 --> 00:49:13,934.1291923 It's going to decay. 547 00:49:13,934.1301923 --> 00:49:19,254.1291923 It's going to go away, but your heart, your mind, and your soul, those things are eternal. 548 00:49:19,384.1301923 --> 00:49:20,594.1291923 They will live on forever. 549 00:49:22,264.1301923 --> 00:49:22,284.1301923 it. 550 00:49:22,284.1301923 --> 00:49:23,764.1301923 Beautiful, beautiful. 551 00:49:24,354.1301923 --> 00:49:24,674.1301923 All right. 552 00:49:24,674.1301923 --> 00:49:34,484.1301923 I think this is a good place to say that thing that I always say, which is when you feel good about who you are and what you do, you evolve humanity. 553 00:49:35,124.1301923 --> 00:49:42,164.1301923 So thank you, Terry, for sharing your story, your wisdom, your heart, your soul, all the things that you are with us today. 554 00:49:42,624.1301923 --> 00:49:45,864.1301923 And we will see all of you next time on Be The Wolf.